1 00:00:00,367 --> 00:00:03,170 In the modern britain, united under a great leader 2 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:06,773 It's the housewives of britain who are getting things moving. 3 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,142 Here, a coach load of lovely ladies are on their way 4 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,978 To speed up production in a car factory. 5 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,380 And here we are, boys, it's the no-hurry brigade 6 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:14,815 Hanging around for endless overtime. 7 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:20,888 And just watch these gallant girls go into action. 8 00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:23,857 Not working fast enough? 9 00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:27,361 Well, there's an answer for that. 10 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,963 Yes, this is certainly the way to speed up production. 11 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,533 This is the recipe for increased productivity 12 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,501 To meet the threat of those nasty foreigners 13 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,103 When britain takes her natural place 14 00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:37,938 At the head of the british common market. 15 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:43,343 And how's this for a way to beat strikers? 16 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,813 Those spotty continental boys 17 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,183 Will soon have to look out for mrs. britain. 18 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,884 And talking of windmills 19 00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:55,088 These girls aren't afraid to tilt at the permissive society. 20 00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:57,291 Business is booming in the so-called arts 21 00:00:57,324 --> 00:01:02,196 But two can play at that game, chum. 22 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:05,365 And it's not just the modern so-called plastic arts 23 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,100 That get the clean-up treatment. 24 00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,168 Desdemona... 25 00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:11,438 Come on, dears! 26 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,908 And those continentals had better watch out 27 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,810 For their dirty foreign literature. 28 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:20,047 Jean-paul sartre and jean genet won't know what's hit them. 29 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,382 Never mind the foulness of their language-- 30 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:26,753 Come '73, they'll all have to write in british. 31 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:30,057 You can keep your fastidious continental bidets, mrs. foreigner-- 32 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,459 Mrs. britain knows how to keep her feet clean. 33 00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:34,161 But she'll battle like bingo, boys 34 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,897 When it comes to keeping the tv screen clean. 35 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,933 Better watch out for those nasty continental shows 36 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,301 On the sneaky second channel. 37 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,736 But apart from attacking 38 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,938 That prurient hotbed of left-wing continentalism 39 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,106 At shepherds bush 40 00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:47,374 What else do these ordinary mums think? 41 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,442 Do they accept hegelianism? 42 00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:49,877 No! 43 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,045 Do they prefer leibnitz to wittgenstein? 44 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,947 No! no! 45 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,350 And where do they stand on young people? 46 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,452 Just here, dear. 47 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,487 Their power is growing daily 48 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,689 And when these girls roll their sleeves up 49 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:03,824 It's arms all the way. 50 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,193 Yes, this is the way to fight 51 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:11,198 The constant war against pornography. 52 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,043 And now... 53 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,646 It's... 54 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:32,119 Monty python's flying circus. 55 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,266 Doctor! 56 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:22,236 Doctor! 57 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,905 Doctor! 58 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,508 Doctor! 59 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,879 Doctor! 60 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,115 Doctor! 61 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,417 Doctor! 62 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,020 Doctor! 63 00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:41,388 Doctor! 64 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:45,025 Where is the doctor? 65 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,533 Hello! 66 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:56,937 Are you the brain specialist? 67 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,978 Hello! 68 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:10,651 Are you the brain specialist? 69 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,321 No! 70 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:17,324 No, I am not the brain specialist. 71 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:19,726 No, no, I am not! 72 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,796 Yes! yes, I am! 73 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:26,033 My brain hurts! 74 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:32,973 Well, let's take a look at it, mr. gumby. 75 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,074 No, no, no... 76 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,809 My brain in my head. 77 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,078 Oh! 78 00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:45,786 It'll have to come out. 79 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,355 Out... of my head? 80 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:51,358 Yes! all the bits of it. 81 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,861 Nurse! 82 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,597 Nurse! 83 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,800 Nurse! 84 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,403 Nurse! 85 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:10,944 Nurse, take mr. gumby to a... brain surgeon. 86 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,913 Yes, doctor. 87 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,181 Where's the lancet? 88 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,250 He's brilliant, you know. 89 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:20,287 Where's the bloody lancet? 90 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,924 My brain hurts, too. 91 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,467 Gloves... 92 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,336 Glasses... 93 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:40,841 Moustache... 94 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,312 Handkerchief... 95 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,448 I'm going to operate! 96 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,385 Operate, operate... 97 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,187 Get bits of brain! 98 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:56,657 Get bits of brain! 99 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,393 Hello! 100 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,394 Oh! 101 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:01,395 Oh! 102 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:04,631 We forgot the anesthetic! 103 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,166 Anesthetic! 104 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,601 Anesthetic! 105 00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:10,504 Anesthetic! 106 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:14,007 Anesthetic! 107 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:22,883 I've come to anesthetize you! 108 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,226 Good evening. 109 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,928 Tonight I'd like to talk to you about... oh, uh... 110 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:36,530 Excuse me, this is all wrong. 111 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,433 One moment. 112 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,945 Hello, again. 113 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,280 As I was saying... 114 00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,482 Ah, oh, wait, this is still not quite right. 115 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,985 Sorry. 116 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:10,330 No, no, sorry, no, not right. 117 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:27,414 Ah, this is better. 118 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,217 Now, tonight I want to look at the meaning of life... 119 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,453 Oh! ow! oh! oh! 120 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,394 No, no, no... 121 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,966 No, no, please! 122 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,987 Hmm, ah, well... 123 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,056 This'll do nicely. 124 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,157 Good evening. 125 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,558 Tonight I'd like to talk to you 126 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,693 About the meaning of life 127 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,362 In the context of... 128 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,532 The 9:00 news, which was to have followed 129 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,601 has been canceled tonight 130 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,636 so we can bring you the quarterfinals 131 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,805 of the all-essex badminton championship. 132 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,841 Your commentator as usual is edna o'brien. 133 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,476 Hullo, fans. 134 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,745 Begorra, an' to be sure there's some fine badminton 135 00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:33,247 down there in essex this afternoon. 136 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,250 We really... 137 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,296 Hmm. 138 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,464 George? 139 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,298 Yes, gladys? 140 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,933 There's a man here with a moustache. 141 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,535 I already got one. 142 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,436 All right, all right, all right 143 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,938 What's he want, then? 144 00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,173 He says, do we want 145 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,741 A documentary on mollusks? 146 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:01,742 Mollusks?! 147 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:02,743 Yes! 148 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,211 What's he mean, "mollusks"? 149 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,846 Mollusks! 150 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,415 Gastropods, lamellibranchs, cephalopods! 151 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,583 Oh, mollusks. 152 00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:10,951 I thought you said "bacon." 153 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,420 All right, all right, all right, all right. 154 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:14,788 What's he charge, then? 155 00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,056 It's free. 156 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,991 Oh! where does he want us to sit? 157 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,994 He says yes! 158 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,604 Good evening. 159 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,339 Tonight, mollusks. 160 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:36,310 The mollusk is a soft-bodied, unsegmented invertebrate animal 161 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,579 Usually protected by a large shell. 162 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:42,382 One of the most numerous groups of invertebrates 163 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:45,118 It is exceeded in number of species 164 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,654 Only by the arthropods, viz... 165 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,857 Not very interesting, is it? 166 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,091 What? 167 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,593 I was talking to him. 168 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:53,927 Oh. 169 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,964 Anyway, the typical mollusk, viz a snail... 170 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,833 Consists of a prominent muscular portion-- 171 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,870 The head-foot-- a visceral mass and a shell 172 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:06,240 Which is secreted by the free edge of the mantle. 173 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,407 Dreadful, isn't it? 174 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,609 What? 175 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,244 I was talking to him! 176 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,813 Oh... well, anyway... 177 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,282 In some mollusks, however, viz, slugs 178 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,484 The shell is absent or rudimentary. 179 00:10:17,518 --> 00:10:18,919 Switch him off. 180 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,954 Whereas in others, viz cephalopods 181 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,923 The head-foot is greatly modified 182 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,058 And forms tentacles, viz the squid. 183 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,059 What are you doing? 184 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,094 Switching you off. 185 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,095 Don't you like it? 186 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,096 Oh, it's dreadful. 187 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,097 Embarrassing. 188 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,098 Is it? 189 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,266 Yes, it's perfectly awful. 190 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,467 Disgraceful! 191 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,435 I don't know how they got the nerve to put it on. 192 00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,770 It's so boring. 193 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,839 Well, it's not much of a subject, is it? 194 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:39,940 Be fair. 195 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,341 What do you think, george? 196 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,577 Give him another 20 seconds. 197 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,645 All right. 198 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,280 Anyway, the majority of mollusks 199 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,881 Are included in three large groups: 200 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:49,416 The gastropods, the lamellibranchs 201 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:50,584 And the cephalopods. 202 00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:51,718 We know that! 203 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,520 However, what is more interesting 204 00:10:53,554 --> 00:10:55,155 Is the, uh... mollusk's, uh... 205 00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:56,156 Sex life. 206 00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:58,425 Oh! 207 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,395 Yes, the mollusk is a randy little fellow 208 00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,430 Whose primitive brain scarcely strays 209 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,566 From the subject of you-know-what. 210 00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:06,567 Disgusting! 211 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,668 Ought not to be allowed. 212 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,503 The randiest of the gastropods 213 00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,871 Is the limpet. 214 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,673 This hot-blooded little beast 215 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,475 With its tentlike shell is always on the job. 216 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,110 Its extramarital activities 217 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,545 Are something startling. 218 00:11:18,579 --> 00:11:20,714 Frankly, I don't know how the female limpet 219 00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,816 Finds the time to adhere to the rock face. 220 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,017 How am I doing? 221 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,152 Disgusting. 222 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,220 But more interesting. 223 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,621 Oh, yes. 224 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:30,557 Another loose-living gastropod is the periwinkle. 225 00:11:30,591 --> 00:11:32,459 This shameless little libertine 226 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:35,162 With its characteristic ventral locomotion... 227 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,763 Is not the marrying kind-- 228 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,432 "anywhere, anytime" is its motto. 229 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,267 Up with the shell and they're at it. 230 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,169 What about the lamellibranchs? 231 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,403 I'm coming to them. 232 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:46,373 The great scallop... 233 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,509 This tatty, scrofulous old rapist 234 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:52,279 Is second in depravity only to the common clam. 235 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,314 This latter is a right whore! 236 00:11:54,348 --> 00:11:55,782 A harlot, a trollop 237 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:59,219 A cynical, bed-hopping, firm-breasted 238 00:11:59,253 --> 00:12:01,455 Rabelaisian bit of seafood 239 00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:04,391 That makes fanny hill look like a dead pope. 240 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,327 And finally among the lamellibranch bivalves 241 00:12:07,361 --> 00:12:12,399 That most depraved of the whole subspecies, the whelk. 242 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:17,004 The whelk is nothing but a homosexual of the worst kind. 243 00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,973 This gay boy of the gastropods 244 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:23,177 This queer crustacean, this mincing mollusk 245 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:27,414 This screaming, prancing, limp-wristed queen of the deep 246 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,116 Makes me sick. 247 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,951 Have you got one? 248 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:31,985 Here! 249 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:34,688 Let's kill it. 250 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,956 Disgusting! 251 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,625 There, that'll teach it. 252 00:12:38,659 --> 00:12:41,328 Well, thank you for a very interesting program. 253 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,729 Oh, not at all, thank you. 254 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,031 Yes, that was very nice. 255 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,199 Thank you. 256 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,200 Oh, thank you. 257 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,401 And good night. 258 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,902 And now a word from the man in the... 259 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,704 Street. 260 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:51,505 Anyway... 261 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:53,240 Ooo... 262 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:57,277 Coochy, coochy, coochy... 263 00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,680 ...dear little fellow. 264 00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:04,184 Look at the twinkle in his eye. 265 00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:09,857 Oh, he's a little dear, isn't he? 266 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:13,093 You shouldn't let him suck on a dummy, my dear. 267 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,294 Oh, my god... no! 268 00:13:14,328 --> 00:13:17,531 Don't touch it! 269 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,126 The minister for not listening to people 270 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,595 Toured batley today to investigate allegations 271 00:13:48,629 --> 00:13:51,198 Of victimization in home-loan improvement grants 272 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,166 Made last week by the shadow-minister 273 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,935 For judging people at first sight 274 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,437 To be marginally worse than they actually are. 275 00:13:57,471 --> 00:14:00,107 At the home office, the minister for inserting himself 276 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,176 In between chairs and walls in men's clubs 277 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,011 Was at his desk after a short illness. 278 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,613 He spent the morning dealing with the irish situation 279 00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:08,615 And later in the day had long discussions 280 00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:11,185 With the minister for running upstairs two at a time 281 00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,686 Flinging the door open 282 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,755 And saying, "ha, ha, caught you, mildred." 283 00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:17,558 In the commons there was another day of heated debate 284 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,160 On the third reading of the trade practices bill. 285 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:21,762 Mr. roland penrose 286 00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:25,599 The undersecretary for making deep growling noises... 287 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,301 Launched a bitter personal attack 288 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:30,337 On the ex-minister for delving deep into a black satin bag 289 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,639 And producing a tube of euthymol toothpaste. 290 00:14:32,673 --> 00:14:34,041 Later in the debate 291 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,109 The junior minister for being frightened 292 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,644 By any kind of farm machinery 293 00:14:37,678 --> 00:14:39,713 Challenged the undersecretary of state 294 00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,415 For hiding from terence rattigan 295 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,750 To produce the current year's trading figures 296 00:14:43,784 --> 00:14:46,653 As supplied by the department of stealing packets of bandages 297 00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:48,922 From the self-service counter at timothy whites 298 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,258 And selling them again at a considerable profit. 299 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,759 Parliament rose at 11:30 300 00:14:52,793 --> 00:14:55,662 And, crawling along a dark passageway into the old rectory 301 00:14:55,696 --> 00:14:57,598 Broke down the door to the serving hatch 302 00:14:57,631 --> 00:14:59,099 Painted the spare room 303 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,068 And next weekend I think they'll be able 304 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,836 To make a start on the boys' bedroom. 305 00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:05,772 While amy and roger-- up in london for two days-- 306 00:15:05,806 --> 00:15:08,141 Go to see the mysterious mr. grenville. 307 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,244 He in turn has been revealed by d'arcy 308 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,346 As something less than an honest man. 309 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,480 Sybil feels once again 310 00:15:13,514 --> 00:15:15,148 A resurgence of her old affection 311 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,583 And she and balreau return 312 00:15:16,617 --> 00:15:18,852 To her little house in clermont-ferrand-- 313 00:15:18,886 --> 00:15:20,687 The kind of two-up, two-down house 314 00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:23,557 That most french workers-- and, indeed, most workers 315 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,026 Throughout the european community-- are living in today. 316 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,461 The ease of construction 317 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,796 Using on-site prefabrication facilities 318 00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,632 Makes cheap housing a reality. 319 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:33,500 The walls of these houses are lined 320 00:15:33,534 --> 00:15:37,070 With prestressed asbestos, which keeps the house warm and snuggly 321 00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:40,374 And ever so safe from the big bad rabbit 322 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,743 Who can scratch and scratch for all he's worth 323 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,913 But he just can't get into porky's house. 324 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,214 Where is porky? 325 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,215 Here he is. 326 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,351 What a funny little chap. 327 00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:53,420 But porky is one of the lucky ones. 328 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,757 He survived the urban upheaval of the '30s and '40s. 329 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,259 For him, jarrow is still just a memory. 330 00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:01,795 The hunger marches, the east end riots 331 00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,597 The collapse of the labor government in 1931 332 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,799 Are dim reminders of the days 333 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,268 Before a newfound affluence swept the land 334 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,736 Making it clean and tidy 335 00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:12,639 And making all the shops full of nice things: 336 00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:14,975 Lovely choo-choo trains and toys 337 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:17,377 And shiny cars that go "brrm, brrm, brrm" 338 00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:20,347 And everybody was happy and singing all the day long 339 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,950 And nobody saw the big bad rabbit ever again. 340 00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:24,785 But, of course, it's all very easy 341 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:26,186 To blame the big bad rabbit 342 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:28,622 When by-elections are going against the government. 343 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,958 Ut how often do you think 344 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,426 We should really be blaming ourselves? 345 00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:39,132 Because, you know, that's where we ought to start looking. 346 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,432 Hello... all the activity you can see here in progress 347 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:21,668 Is part of the intricate... 348 00:18:21,702 --> 00:18:27,140 Preparations for the british naval expedition to lake pahoe. 349 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,476 The leader of the expedition is 350 00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:31,812 Sir jane russell. 351 00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:34,381 Sir jane, what is the purpose of your expedition? 352 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,016 Well, this is a completely uncharted lake 353 00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:37,885 With, like, hitherto unclassified marine life, man 354 00:18:37,918 --> 00:18:40,687 So the whole scene's wide open for a scientific exploration. 355 00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:43,090 One can see the immense amount of preparation involved. 356 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,558 Have there been many difficulties 357 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,893 In setting up this venture? 358 00:18:45,926 --> 00:18:47,995 Well, the real hang-up was with the bread, man 359 00:18:48,028 --> 00:18:49,963 But when the top-brass pigs came through 360 00:18:49,997 --> 00:18:51,899 We got it together in a couple of moons. 361 00:18:51,932 --> 00:18:54,268 Commodore betty grable, who's a real sub-aqua head 362 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,636 Has got it together diving-wise 363 00:18:55,669 --> 00:18:57,804 And, like, the whole gig's been a real gas, man. 364 00:18:57,838 --> 00:19:00,641 Thank you. 365 00:19:01,008 --> 00:19:03,177 Lieutenant commander dorothy lamour. 366 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,879 Pieces of eight. 367 00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:08,515 Dorothy, you're in charge of the security and liaison 368 00:19:08,549 --> 00:19:09,616 For this operation. 369 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,218 Right on. 370 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,521 You've kept this all very hush-hush so far, shipmate. 371 00:19:14,555 --> 00:19:16,356 Yeah, it's been really heavy, man 372 00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:18,825 With all these freaks from the fascist press 373 00:19:18,859 --> 00:19:20,627 Trying to blow the whole scene. 374 00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:22,196 There's no doubt about it 375 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,664 This expedition does have 376 00:19:23,697 --> 00:19:25,866 Some rather unusual aspects, jim lad. 377 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:29,369 For a start, why do the senior personnel all bear the names 378 00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:31,471 Of hollywood film stars of the '40s 379 00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:32,940 And female ones at that? 380 00:19:32,973 --> 00:19:35,242 Shiver me timbers, 'tis the black spot 381 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:38,679 And secondly, I be not afraid of thee, blind pew! 382 00:19:38,712 --> 00:19:41,715 Why do they talk this rather strange, stilted 383 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,350 Underground jargon? 384 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:47,054 Belay the main brace, squire trelawney, this be my ship now! 385 00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:49,590 Ah! a tranquilizing dart fired 386 00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:53,126 By the cowardly bbc health department dogs. 387 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:59,333 They've done filled me full of chlorpromazine! damn! 388 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:03,003 I'm sorry about my colleague's rather unconventional behavior. 389 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,071 The navy's out of sight! 390 00:20:04,104 --> 00:20:05,339 Come together with the r.n. 391 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:10,511 It really is something other than else. 392 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,563 Can you dig it, man? 393 00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,565 Hello... I'm sorry about my colleague's 394 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,700 Rather unconventional behavior just now 395 00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:36,303 But things haven't been too easy for him recently-- 396 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,704 Trouble at home-- 397 00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:40,707 Rather confidential, so I can't give you all the details 398 00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:42,476 Interesting though they are. 399 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:45,212 Three bottles of rum with his weetabix, and so forth. 400 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,581 Anyway... apparently, the girl wasn't even... 401 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:50,450 Anyway, the activity you see behind me... 402 00:20:50,484 --> 00:20:52,819 It's the mother I feel sorry for. 403 00:20:52,853 --> 00:20:54,454 I'll start again. 404 00:20:54,488 --> 00:20:57,191 The activity you see behind me is part of the preparations 405 00:20:57,224 --> 00:20:59,226 For the new naval expedition to lake pahoe. 406 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,128 The man in charge of this expedition is 407 00:21:01,161 --> 00:21:02,763 Vice admiral sir john cunningham. 408 00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:04,398 Sir john, hello, there. 409 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,599 Hello... well, first of all 410 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:06,633 I'd like to apologize 411 00:21:06,667 --> 00:21:08,769 For the behavior of certain of my colleagues 412 00:21:08,802 --> 00:21:10,003 You may have seen earlier 413 00:21:10,037 --> 00:21:12,139 But they are from broken homes 414 00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:13,907 Circus families and so on 415 00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:15,976 And they are in no way representative 416 00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,345 Of the new, modern, improved british navy. 417 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,348 They are a small, vociferous minority. 418 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,183 And may I take this opportunity 419 00:21:23,217 --> 00:21:25,786 Of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism 420 00:21:25,819 --> 00:21:27,054 In the british navy-- 421 00:21:27,087 --> 00:21:28,188 Absolutely none. 422 00:21:28,222 --> 00:21:29,489 And when I say none 423 00:21:29,523 --> 00:21:31,625 I mean there is a certain amount-- 424 00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,927 More than we are prepared to admit-- 425 00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:35,929 But all new ratings are warned 426 00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:38,298 That if they wake up in the morning 427 00:21:38,332 --> 00:21:39,733 And find any tooth marks at all 428 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,335 Anywhere on their bodies 429 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,370 They're to tell me immediately 430 00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:46,273 So that I can immediately take every measure 431 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:48,108 To hush the whole thing up. 432 00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:53,013 And finally, necrophilia is right out. 433 00:21:53,046 --> 00:21:55,682 Now, this expedition is primarily 434 00:21:55,716 --> 00:22:00,387 To investigate reports of cannibalism and necrophilia in... 435 00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,389 This expedition is primarily 436 00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:05,626 To investigate reports of unusual marine life 437 00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:08,195 In the as-yet uncharted lake pahoe. 438 00:22:08,228 --> 00:22:10,564 And where exactly is the lake? 439 00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,966 Uh... 22a, runcorn avenue. 440 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,235 Yes, that's right, 22a. 441 00:22:15,269 --> 00:22:16,703 Runcorn avenue? 442 00:22:16,737 --> 00:22:18,338 Yes, it's just by blenheim crescent. 443 00:22:18,372 --> 00:22:19,473 Do you know it? 444 00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,441 Uh, you mean it's in an ordinary street? 445 00:22:21,475 --> 00:22:23,076 It is not an ordinary street-- 446 00:22:23,110 --> 00:22:24,311 It's got a lake in it! 447 00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:25,345 Yes, but i... 448 00:22:25,379 --> 00:22:26,680 Look, how many streets do you know 449 00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:27,781 That have got lakes in them? 450 00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,983 I mean, is it very large? 451 00:22:30,017 --> 00:22:31,451 Of course it's not large. 452 00:22:31,485 --> 00:22:34,254 You couldn't get a large lake in runcorn avenue! 453 00:22:34,288 --> 00:22:36,790 You'd have to knock down the tobacconist's! 454 00:22:36,823 --> 00:22:38,425 Jenkins... 455 00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:40,694 No! 456 00:22:48,135 --> 00:22:50,337 I'm now standing in runcorn avenue. 457 00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:52,639 Sir john, where exactly is the lake? 458 00:22:52,673 --> 00:22:55,475 Uh, well let's see, that's 18... 459 00:22:55,509 --> 00:22:58,378 That's 20, so this must be the one. 460 00:22:58,412 --> 00:22:59,746 Um, excuse me, um... 461 00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:01,281 Yes, this is the one, all right. 462 00:23:01,315 --> 00:23:02,316 But it's an ordinary house. 463 00:23:02,349 --> 00:23:03,650 Look, I'm getting pretty irritated 464 00:23:03,684 --> 00:23:05,385 With this line of questioning. 465 00:23:05,419 --> 00:23:06,753 But it doesn't even look like a lake. 466 00:23:06,787 --> 00:23:08,589 Look, your whole approach since this interview started 467 00:23:08,622 --> 00:23:09,690 Has been to mock the navy. 468 00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:11,959 When I think that for the likes of you 469 00:23:11,992 --> 00:23:14,194 I had both my legs blown off... 470 00:23:14,228 --> 00:23:15,929 But you haven't had both your legs blown off! 471 00:23:15,963 --> 00:23:18,198 I was talking metaphorically, you fool. 472 00:23:18,232 --> 00:23:19,433 Jenkins... 473 00:23:19,466 --> 00:23:21,668 Put that down. 474 00:23:21,702 --> 00:23:23,270 Right, is the equipment ready? 475 00:23:23,303 --> 00:23:26,540 Diving equipment all ready, man. 476 00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:27,908 Right... now, quite simply 477 00:23:27,941 --> 00:23:30,110 The approach to lake pahoe is up the steps 478 00:23:30,143 --> 00:23:32,412 And then we come to the shores of the lake. 479 00:23:32,446 --> 00:23:34,114 Now, I'm going to press the bell 480 00:23:34,147 --> 00:23:38,585 Just to see if there's anyone in. 481 00:23:38,619 --> 00:23:39,786 Hello? 482 00:23:39,820 --> 00:23:44,057 Good morning, I'm looking for a lake pahoe. 483 00:23:44,091 --> 00:23:45,559 There's a mr. padgett. 484 00:23:45,592 --> 00:23:47,094 No, no, a lake. 485 00:23:47,127 --> 00:23:48,495 There's no lake here, mate. 486 00:23:48,529 --> 00:23:49,863 This is runcorn avenue. 487 00:23:49,897 --> 00:23:51,231 What's that camera doing? 488 00:23:51,265 --> 00:23:53,267 Camera? what's he want? 489 00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:55,269 Ooh, are we on the telly? 490 00:23:55,302 --> 00:23:56,603 He's looking for a lake. 491 00:23:56,637 --> 00:23:58,038 Lake pahoe. 492 00:23:58,071 --> 00:24:01,341 Oh, you want downstairs, 22a, the basement. 493 00:24:01,375 --> 00:24:03,310 Ah! thank you very much, good morning. 494 00:24:03,343 --> 00:24:04,611 Come on, men, downstairs. 495 00:24:04,645 --> 00:24:06,346 Uh, were you successful, sir john? 496 00:24:06,413 --> 00:24:07,514 It's in the basement. 497 00:24:07,548 --> 00:24:09,116 In the basement? 498 00:24:09,149 --> 00:24:10,117 Pieces of eight! 499 00:24:10,150 --> 00:24:12,486 Ugh! 500 00:24:15,355 --> 00:24:17,824 Hello? 501 00:24:17,958 --> 00:24:20,561 Oh, I think it's someone about the damp. 502 00:24:20,594 --> 00:24:21,562 Hello. 503 00:24:21,595 --> 00:24:22,563 Tell them 504 00:24:22,596 --> 00:24:24,131 About the bleeding rats, too. 505 00:24:24,164 --> 00:24:26,300 I'll go. 506 00:24:26,333 --> 00:24:27,568 Yes? 507 00:24:27,601 --> 00:24:31,438 Good morning, is this lake pahoe? 508 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:35,342 Well, I don't know about that, but it's bleeding damp. 509 00:24:35,375 --> 00:24:37,110 Are you from the council? 510 00:24:37,144 --> 00:24:42,182 No, we are the official british naval expedition to this lake. 511 00:24:42,216 --> 00:24:43,483 May we come in? 512 00:24:43,517 --> 00:24:46,153 Hang on. 513 00:24:55,329 --> 00:24:56,763 Bloody sharks. 514 00:24:56,797 --> 00:24:58,131 Get back in... 515 00:24:58,165 --> 00:24:59,132 Get in. 516 00:24:59,166 --> 00:25:01,768 Get in. 517 00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:13,814 Well, that would appear to be the end of the expedition. 518 00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:15,082 The magna carta-- 519 00:25:15,115 --> 00:25:17,384 Was it a document signed at runnymede 520 00:25:17,417 --> 00:25:18,652 In 1215 by king john 521 00:25:18,685 --> 00:25:21,355 Pledging independence to the english barons 522 00:25:21,388 --> 00:25:24,725 Or was it a piece of chewing gum on a bedspread in dorset? 523 00:25:24,758 --> 00:25:27,427 The latter idea is the brainchild of a man 524 00:25:27,461 --> 00:25:30,030 New to the field of historical research. 525 00:25:30,063 --> 00:25:33,834 Mr. badger, why... why are you on this program? 526 00:25:33,867 --> 00:25:37,271 Well, I think I can answer this question 527 00:25:37,304 --> 00:25:41,375 Most successfully in mime. 528 00:25:51,018 --> 00:25:54,021 But why dorset? 529 00:25:54,054 --> 00:25:56,557 Well, I have for a long time been suffering 530 00:25:56,590 --> 00:25:58,392 From a species of brain injury 531 00:25:58,425 --> 00:26:01,261 Which I incurred during the rigors of childbirth 532 00:26:01,295 --> 00:26:04,698 And I'd like to conclude by putting my finger up my nose. 533 00:26:04,731 --> 00:26:07,367 Mr. badger, I think you're the silliest person 534 00:26:07,401 --> 00:26:09,169 We've ever had on this program 535 00:26:09,203 --> 00:26:10,337 And so I'm going to ask you 536 00:26:10,370 --> 00:26:12,906 To have dinner with me. 537 00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:16,210 My wife maureen ran off with a bottle of bell's whiskey 538 00:26:16,243 --> 00:26:18,979 During the aberdeen versus raith rovers match 539 00:26:19,012 --> 00:26:20,814 Which ended in a goal-less draw. 540 00:26:20,848 --> 00:26:23,650 Robson, particularly, in goal, had a magnificent first half 541 00:26:23,684 --> 00:26:26,019 His fine positional sense preventing the build-up 542 00:26:26,053 --> 00:26:28,722 Of any severe pressure on the suspect aberdeen defense. 543 00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,490 Mcloughlan missed an easy chance 544 00:26:30,524 --> 00:26:32,726 To clinch the game towards the final whistle 545 00:26:32,759 --> 00:26:34,394 But raith must be well satisfied 546 00:26:34,428 --> 00:26:35,395 With their point. 547 00:26:35,429 --> 00:26:36,964 Do please go on. 548 00:26:36,997 --> 00:26:39,166 This is the least fascinating conversation I've ever had. 549 00:26:39,199 --> 00:26:40,634 Would you like to order, sir? 550 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:43,170 Yes, mr. badger, what would you like to start with? 551 00:26:43,203 --> 00:26:46,373 Uh, I'll have a whiskey to start with. 552 00:26:46,406 --> 00:26:47,541 For first course, sir? 553 00:26:47,574 --> 00:26:49,309 Aye. 554 00:26:49,343 --> 00:26:51,078 And for main course, sir? 555 00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:53,380 Uh, I'll have a whiskey for main course 556 00:26:53,413 --> 00:26:56,450 And I'll follow that with a whiskey for pudding. 557 00:26:56,483 --> 00:26:59,987 Yes, sir, and what would you like with it, sir? a whiskey? 558 00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:02,589 No, a bottle of wine. 559 00:27:02,623 --> 00:27:05,292 "fine, sir," he said between clenched teeth 560 00:27:05,325 --> 00:27:08,362 Knowing full well it was a most unrewarding part. 561 00:27:08,395 --> 00:27:11,999 This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in. 562 00:27:12,032 --> 00:27:15,402 Shall we stop it? 563 00:27:15,769 --> 00:27:19,039 Yeah, all right.