1 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:22,122 And now... 2 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,725 It's... 3 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:32,232 Monty python's flying circuses. 4 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,894 The adventures of biggles. 5 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:05,599 Part one:"biggles dictates a letter. " 6 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,401 Miss bladder, take a letter. 7 00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:08,635 Yes, senor biggles. 8 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,704 Don't call me "senor"! 9 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,206 Or group captain biggles 10 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,209 Or mary biggles if I'm dressed as my wife 11 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,443 But never senor! 12 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,444 Sorry. 13 00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,213 I've never even been to spain. 14 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,348 You went to ibiza last year. 15 00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:24,117 That's still no grounds for calling me senor 16 00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:27,487 Or "don beeg-les," for that matter. 17 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,057 Right. dear king haakon... 18 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,825 "of norway," is that? 19 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,194 Just put down what I say. 20 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,495 Do I put that down? 21 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,663 Course you don't put that down! 22 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:37,965 Well, what about that? 23 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,300 Look! 24 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:43,737 Don't put that down. 25 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,206 Just put down... wait a mo, wait a mo. 26 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,675 Now, when I've got these antlers on... 27 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,611 When I've got these antlers on 28 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:51,812 I am dictating 29 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,715 And when I take them off, I'm not dictating. 30 00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,817 "I'm not dictating." 31 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,086 What? 32 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,554 Read that back. 33 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,891 "dear king haakon, I'm not dictating. 34 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,058 What?" 35 00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:09,096 No, no, no, no, you loopy brothel inmate! 36 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,465 I've had enough of this. 37 00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:12,733 I'm not a courtesan. 38 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,335 Oh, oh, courtesan-- oh, aren't we grand? 39 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,671 Harlot's not good enough for us, eh? 40 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,007 Paramour, concubine, fille de joie-- 41 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,475 That's what we are not. 42 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,677 Well, listen to me, my fine fellow 43 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,012 You are a bit of tail 44 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,280 That's what you are. 45 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,116 I am not, you demented fictional character. 46 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,350 Algy says you are. 47 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,953 He says you're no better than you should be. 48 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,421 And how would he know? 49 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,490 And just what do you mean by that? 50 00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:37,824 Are you calling 51 00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:40,194 My old fictional comrade-in-arms a fairy? 52 00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:44,031 Fairy! poof's not good enough for algy, is it? 53 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,633 He's got to be a bleedin' fairy. 54 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,702 Mincing old r.a.f. queen. 55 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,571 Algy, I have to see you. 56 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:53,173 Righto. 57 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,976 What ho, everyone. 58 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,177 Are you gay? 59 00:02:57,211 --> 00:03:02,149 I should bally well say so, old fruit. 60 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:06,086 Ugh! dear king haakon... 61 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,821 Oh. dear king haakon 62 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,591 Just a line to thank you for the eels. 63 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:13,827 Mary thought they were really scrummy, comma 64 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,329 So did i, full stop. 65 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:19,399 I've just heard that algy was a poof, exclamation mark. 66 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:23,470 What would captain w.e. johns have said, question mark. 67 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:27,741 Sorry to mench, but if you've finished with the lawn edger 68 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,877 Could you pop it in the post? 69 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,813 Love, biggles, algy deceased, and ginger. 70 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:33,814 Ginger? 71 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:34,815 What? 72 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:37,918 Rhyming slang-- ginger beer. 73 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,653 Oh. 74 00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:40,988 Ginger. 75 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,490 Hello, sweetie. 76 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:46,159 I have to see you. 77 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,628 Yes, biggles? 78 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,129 Are you a poof? 79 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:52,266 I should say not! 80 00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,800 Thank god for that. 81 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:58,038 Good lad, stout fellow, salt of the earth, backbone of england. 82 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,940 Funny, he looks like a poof. 83 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,576 Dear princess margaret... 84 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:05,045 Hello. 85 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,815 Get back in the cupboard, you pantomimetic royal person! 86 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,584 Lemon curry? 87 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,653 Dear real princess margaret 88 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,189 Thank you for the eels, full stop. 89 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:17,491 They were absolutely delicious 90 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,060 And unmistakably regal, full stop. 91 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:24,431 Sorry to mench, but if you've finished with the hairdryer 92 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:26,667 Could you pop it in the post? 93 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,769 Yours fictionally, biggles. 94 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:32,940 Oh, p.s.-- see you at the saxe- coburgs' canasta evening. 95 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,675 That should puzzle her. 96 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,144 Si, senor beeg-les. 97 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:40,647 Silence, naughty lady of the night! 98 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:46,286 Next week, part two: "biggles flies undone. " 99 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,496 Ugh! 100 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,190 Meanwhile, not very far away... 101 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,425 Climbing-- the world's loneliest sport 102 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,995 Where hardship and philosophy go hand in glove. 103 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,898 And here, another british expedition attempting to be 104 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,799 The first man to successfully climb 105 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:36,236 The north face of the uxbridge road. 106 00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:39,173 This four-man rope has been climbing tremendously. 107 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,975 Bbc cameras were there to film every inch. 108 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:45,479 The major assault on the uxbridge road has been going on 109 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,813 For about three weeks 110 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,249 Really ever since they established base camp 111 00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:51,418 Here at the junction of willesden road. 112 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,488 From there they climbed steadily to establish camp two 113 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,591 Outside lewis's, and it's taken them another three days 114 00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,561 To establish camp three here outside the post office. 115 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:03,230 Well, they've spent a good night in there last night 116 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,465 In preparation for the final assault today. 117 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,202 The leader of the expedition is 29-year-old bert tagg 118 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,237 A local headmaster and mother of three. 119 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,872 Bert, how's it going? 120 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,708 It's a bit gripping, is this, chris. 121 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:17,845 I've got to try and reach that bus stop 122 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,179 In an hour or so 123 00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,582 And I'm doing it by... damn... 124 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:24,751 I'm doing it by layback up this gutter 125 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,653 So I'm kind of guttering 126 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,223 And laying back at the same time 127 00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,824 And philosophizing. 128 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:33,527 Uh, bert, some people say this is crazy. 129 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,030 Aye, well, they said crippen was crazy, didn't they? 130 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,765 Well, crippen was crazy. 131 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,801 Oh, well, there you are, then. 132 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,803 Eh, john? I'm sending you down 133 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,371 This carabiner on white. 134 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,240 Lemon curry? 135 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,675 Now, you see, he's putting in a peg down there 136 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,244 Because I'm quite a way up now 137 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,612 And if I come unstuck here 138 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:55,816 I go down quite a long way. 139 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,684 Such quiet courage is typical 140 00:06:57,718 --> 00:07:00,487 Of the way these brave chaps shrug off danger. 141 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,656 Like it or not, you've got to admire 142 00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:06,927 The skill that goes into it. 143 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:18,105 Oh, it's terrible up on deck. 144 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,206 Up on deck? 145 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:22,442 Yeah, on deck it's diabolical weather. 146 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,810 Uh, what deck, dear? 147 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,646 The deck-- the deck of the lifeboat. 148 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,981 This isn't a lifeboat, dear. 149 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:31,318 This is 24 parker street. 150 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,120 This is the newhaven lifeboat. 151 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,657 No, it's not, dear. 152 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,135 You're right. 153 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,903 This isn't a lifeboat at all. 154 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,105 No, I wouldn't live here if it was. 155 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:56,243 Do you mind if I sit down for a minute and collect my wits? 156 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,277 No, you do that. 157 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,112 I'll make a nice cup of tea. 158 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,949 Thanks very much. 159 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,584 Ooh, it's a wild night up top. 160 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,319 Your turn on deck soon, charlie. 161 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,787 It's not a lifeboat, frank. 162 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,788 What? 163 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:08,789 What do you mean? 164 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,257 It's not a lifeboat ; 165 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:14,127 It's this lady's house. 166 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:20,000 Captain! captain, ahoy there! 167 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,735 Ahoy there! 168 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:22,870 Ahoy there! 169 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,037 Ahoy there! 170 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,038 Captain! 171 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,174 Who's that shouting? 172 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,343 There's a man outside number 24. 173 00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,778 Try it on the five-inch, gladys. 174 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:34,982 I cant, I've got that fixed on the baileys at number 13. 175 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,884 Their new lodger moves in today. 176 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,685 All right, hold 13 on the five-inch 177 00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,421 And transfer the cartwrights to the digital scanner. 178 00:08:41,455 --> 00:08:42,956 Oh, okay. 179 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,727 Hold on! mrs. pettigrew's coming back from the doctor's. 180 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,663 Ooh, bring her up on two. 181 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,900 What's the duration rating on the oscillator? 182 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:53,901 48.47. 183 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,669 Well, that's a long time 184 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:59,106 For someone who's just had a routine checkup. 185 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,142 Yes, her pulse rate's 146. 186 00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:05,479 Ooh, zoom in on the 16-mil and hold her, enid. 187 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,547 Roger, gladys. 188 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,149 I'll try and get her on the 12-inch. 189 00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:10,751 Move the curtain, enid. 190 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,387 Thank you, love. 191 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,756 Yes, it's one of those self-righting models. 192 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,658 Newhaven was about the first place 193 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,026 In the country to get one. 194 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,260 What's the displacement 195 00:09:20,294 --> 00:09:21,628 On one of them jobs, then? 196 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,763 Oh, about 140, 150... 197 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,097 Who's for fruit cake? 198 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,866 Oh, yes, please. 199 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,434 Yes? right, macaroons... 200 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,871 That's two dozen fruit cakes, half a dozen macaroons. 201 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:34,741 Won't be a jiffy, then. 202 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:49,256 Yoo-hoo! mrs. edwards! 203 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,058 Hello. 204 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,059 Hello, love. 205 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,560 I want two dozen fruit cakes 206 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:54,962 And half a dozen macaroons. 207 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,563 Oh, sorry, love, no macaroons. 208 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,232 How about a nice vanilla sponge? 209 00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,433 Yes, that'd be lovely. 210 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,668 Righto. 211 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,670 Ooh, there's that nice herring trawler 212 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,572 Come for their kup kakes-- excuse me. 213 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:06,573 Righto. 214 00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:09,910 Hello! captain smith! 215 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,512 Hello! 216 00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:15,215 Kup kakes to starboard! 217 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:16,216 Coming! 218 00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,217 Head out there! 219 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,453 If you want I'll get your things. 220 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,421 Oh, yes, throw 'em in. 221 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,623 I'll pay you 222 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,725 At the end of the week, then, all right? 223 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,460 Okay, righto. 224 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,861 All right. 225 00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:31,031 Rule, britannia... 226 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,400 Ooh, it's the ark royal, doris! 227 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:37,771 Have you got their rock buns ready? 228 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,006 Hang on! 229 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,910 Here we are, five for them 230 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:46,847 And five for h.m.s. eagle. 231 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,449 Righto. 232 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,358 Yes? 233 00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:01,028 H.m.s. defiant, two set teas, please. 234 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:04,665 Two set teas, doris. 235 00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,301 That'll be 48 pence. 236 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:11,071 Here we are, thank you. 237 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:14,007 By the way, do you do lunches? 238 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,911 No, morning coffees and teas only. 239 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,981 Righto, dear. 240 00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:39,032 Good evening, and welcome to another edition of storage jars. 241 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:40,300 On tonight's program 242 00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:42,469 Mikos antoniarkis, the greek rebel leader 243 00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:44,571 Who seized power in athens this morning 244 00:11:44,605 --> 00:11:49,009 Tells us what he keeps in storage jars. 245 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,644 From strife-torn bolivia 246 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:56,049 Ronald rodgers reports on storage jars there. 247 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,484 And closer to home 248 00:11:57,518 --> 00:12:00,821 The first dramatic pictures of the mass jailbreak 249 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,690 Near the storage jar factory in maidenhead. 250 00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,959 All this and more in storage jars. 251 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,728 This is la paz, bolivia. 252 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:10,731 Behind me, you can hear the thud of mortar 253 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,400 And the high-pitched whine of rockets 254 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:17,604 As the battle for control of this volatile republic shakes 255 00:12:17,638 --> 00:12:19,973 The foundations of this old city. 256 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:22,776 But whatever their political inclinations 257 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:26,313 These bolivians are all keen users of storage jars. 258 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:30,017 Here the largest size is used for rice and for mangos 259 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,485 A big local crop. 260 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,988 And unlike most revolutionary south american states 261 00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:36,957 They've an intermediary size 262 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:40,093 In between the two-pound and five-pound jars. 263 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,996 This gives this poor-but-proud people 264 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:46,867 A useful jar for apricots, plums and stock cubes. 265 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:50,237 The smallest jar, this little two-ounce jar 266 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,841 For sweets, chocolates and even little shallots. 267 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,676 No longer used in the west 268 00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:59,213 It remains here as an unspoken monument to the days 269 00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:01,315 When la paz knew better times. 270 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,951 Ronald rodgers, storage jars, la paz. 271 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,720 In london, the prime minister met officials 272 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:12,926 From the department of the environment to discuss... 273 00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:15,996 A cassette tape recorder is to replace 274 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,731 The salon quartets and trios 275 00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:22,503 Which have played beside the potted palms of manchester... 276 00:13:22,536 --> 00:13:24,705 ...has caused a switch to taped music 277 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:27,875 Which will be relayed over a new public address system 278 00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:33,714 Replacing one which relayed both music and the... 279 00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:36,483 Stock market prices hit record levels 280 00:13:36,517 --> 00:13:38,619 On the last day of the year. 281 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:44,892 The financial times index rose 3.7 points to 476.5... 282 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,068 ...but the bbc has reported 283 00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:57,671 That radio free solent, a pirate station 284 00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,274 Was marking the first birthday of the... 285 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:03,143 Henry! turn that television off! 286 00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:07,748 You know it's bad for your eyes! 287 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,616 Ah, that's better. 288 00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,652 Henry, will you stop sitting around? 289 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:12,819 Yes, dear. 290 00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,488 There's an entire tv studio 291 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:19,960 Waiting around for you to do the next link! 292 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,629 And when you've got that done 293 00:14:22,663 --> 00:14:24,364 I've gone some more work for you! 294 00:14:24,398 --> 00:14:25,432 Yes, dear. 295 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,135 Henry, do you hear me? 296 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,170 Henry! 297 00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:33,473 Henry, get a move on! 298 00:14:33,507 --> 00:14:35,108 Now, you sod! 299 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,443 That's better. 300 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:41,982 Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two! 301 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:57,231 Hello, I'm the good fairy from program control 302 00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,367 Where we're all grateful for your work on this link 303 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,769 So much so that I'm here to release you 304 00:15:02,803 --> 00:15:05,105 From the evil spell you've been under. 305 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,474 Huh? 306 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:15,215 Hmm, well, it doesn't always work the first time. 307 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,591 Thank you, thank you. 308 00:15:24,625 --> 00:15:26,093 No, no need to. 309 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:32,432 You see, it's all in a day's work for program control. 310 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,871 Hello, the show so far... 311 00:15:37,905 --> 00:15:42,009 Well, it all started with the organist losing his clothes 312 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,011 As he sat down at the organ 313 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,913 And after this had happened, uh 314 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,582 And we had seen the titles of the show, we... 315 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,618 We saw biggles dictating a letter to his secretary 316 00:15:51,652 --> 00:15:53,320 Who thought he was spanish 317 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,556 And whom he referred to as a "harlot" 318 00:15:55,589 --> 00:15:57,224 And a "woman of the night" 319 00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:03,263 Although she preferred to be called a "courtesan." 320 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,232 Uh, then we saw some people 321 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,401 Trying to climb a road in uxbridge 322 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,970 And then there were some cartoons and... 323 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:13,774 And then some lifeboat men came into a woman's sitting room 324 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,542 And, uh, after a bit 325 00:16:15,576 --> 00:16:19,079 The woman went out to buy some, uh, cakes on a lifeboat. 326 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:24,451 And then, uh, a n... a naval officer jumped into the sea. 327 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,622 Uh, then we saw a man telling us about storage jars from bolivia 328 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,158 And then there were some more cartoons. 329 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,626 And then a... a man told us 330 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,695 About what happened on the show so far 331 00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:39,032 And a great hammer came and hit him on the head. 332 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:42,836 I don't remember that. 333 00:16:46,874 --> 00:16:49,843 Lemon curry? 334 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,675 Good morning, sir. 335 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,143 Good morning. 336 00:17:23,177 --> 00:17:24,878 Um... I was sitting 337 00:17:24,912 --> 00:17:28,448 In the public library in thurmond street just now 338 00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:32,052 Skimming through rogue herries by horace walpole 339 00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:35,289 When i, um, suddenly came over all peckish. 340 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,490 Peckish, sir? 341 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:37,791 Esurient. 342 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:38,425 Eh? 343 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,228 Eee, I were all hungry, like. 344 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,729 Oh, hungry. 345 00:17:42,763 --> 00:17:44,464 In a nutshell. 346 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,233 So I thought to myself 347 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,602 A little fermented curd would do the trick 348 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,738 So I curtailed my walpolling activities, sallied forth 349 00:17:51,772 --> 00:17:54,074 And infiltrated your place of purveyance 350 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:57,077 To negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles. 351 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,345 Come again? 352 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,714 I want to buy some cheese! 353 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,383 Ah... I thought you were complaining about the music. 354 00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,886 Oh, heaven forbid. I am one who delights 355 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:09,423 In all manifestations of the terpsichorean muse. 356 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:10,290 Sorry. 357 00:18:10,324 --> 00:18:11,425 I like a nice dance-- 358 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,392 You're forced to. 359 00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:13,160 Anyway. 360 00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,328 Who said that? 361 00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:16,296 Now, my good man, some cheese, please. 362 00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:18,432 Yes, certainly, sir. what would you like? 363 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:21,368 Well, uh, how about a little red leicester? 364 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,570 I'm afraid we're fresh out of red leicester, sir. 365 00:18:23,604 --> 00:18:26,306 Never mind. how are you on tilsit? 366 00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:27,608 Never at the end of the week, sir. 367 00:18:27,641 --> 00:18:29,209 Always get it fresh first thing on monday. 368 00:18:29,243 --> 00:18:30,911 Tish, tish. 369 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,513 No matter, um... 370 00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:35,849 Well, four ounces of caerphilly, then, if you please 371 00:18:35,883 --> 00:18:37,150 Stout yeoman. 372 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,753 Ah, well, it's been on order for two weeks, sir. 373 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,488 I was expecting it this morning. 374 00:18:41,522 --> 00:18:43,023 Yes, it's not my day, is it? 375 00:18:43,056 --> 00:18:44,491 Uh, bel paese? 376 00:18:44,525 --> 00:18:45,492 Sorry. 377 00:18:45,526 --> 00:18:46,527 Red windsor? 378 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,961 Uh, normally, sir, yes... 379 00:18:47,995 --> 00:18:49,463 But today the van broke down. 380 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,298 Ah... uh, stilton? 381 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,432 Sorry. 382 00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:53,967 Gruyere, emmental? 383 00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:54,568 No. 384 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,470 Any norwegian jarlsberger? 385 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:57,304 No. 386 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,472 Liptauer? 387 00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:58,972 No. 388 00:18:59,006 --> 00:18:59,606 Lancashire? 389 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,107 No. 390 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,074 White stilton? 391 00:19:01,108 --> 00:19:01,708 No. 392 00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:02,876 Danish blue? 393 00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:03,744 No. 394 00:19:03,777 --> 00:19:05,412 Double gloucester? 395 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,313 No. 396 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,381 Cheshire? 397 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,081 No. 398 00:19:08,115 --> 00:19:09,516 Any dorset blue vinney? 399 00:19:09,550 --> 00:19:10,117 No. 400 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,552 Brie, roquefort 401 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:14,688 Pont-l'eveque, port salut, savoyard 402 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,157 Saint-paulin, carre-de-l'est 403 00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:20,661 Boursin, bresse-bleue, perle de champagne 404 00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:21,762 Camembert? 405 00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:23,630 Ah! we do have some camembert. 406 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:24,731 You do. excellent. 407 00:19:24,765 --> 00:19:27,334 It's a bit runny, sir. 408 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,369 Oh, i... I like it runny. 409 00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:33,073 Well, as a matter of fact, it's... it's very runny, sir. 410 00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,675 No matter, no matter 411 00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:37,177 Hand over le fromage de la belle france 412 00:19:37,211 --> 00:19:38,679 Qui s'appelle camembert 413 00:19:38,712 --> 00:19:39,947 S'il vous plait. 414 00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:42,449 I think it's runnier than you like it, sir. 415 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,584 I don't care 416 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,485 How excrementally runny it is; 417 00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:47,321 Hand it over with all speed. 418 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,755 Yes, sir. oh... 419 00:19:48,789 --> 00:19:49,790 What? 420 00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:52,092 The cat's eaten it. 421 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:53,427 Has he? 422 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,295 She, sir. 423 00:19:55,329 --> 00:19:56,396 Gouda? 424 00:19:56,430 --> 00:19:57,064 No. 425 00:19:57,097 --> 00:19:57,531 Edam? 426 00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:57,931 No. 427 00:19:57,965 --> 00:19:58,465 Caithness? 428 00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,132 No. 429 00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:00,067 Smoked austrian? 430 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:00,701 No. 431 00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:01,702 Sage derby? 432 00:20:01,735 --> 00:20:02,503 No, sir. 433 00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:03,704 You do have some cheese, do you? 434 00:20:03,737 --> 00:20:05,506 Certainly, sir-- it's a cheese shop, sir. 435 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:06,540 We've got... 436 00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:07,908 No, no, no, don't tell me. 437 00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:09,076 I'm keen to guess. 438 00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:10,444 Fair enough. 439 00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:11,678 Wensleydale? 440 00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:12,679 Yes, sir. 441 00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:13,847 Splendid. 442 00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:15,983 Well, I'll have some of that then, please. 443 00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:17,384 Oh, I'm sorry, sir 444 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,153 I thought you were referring to me-- mr. wensleydale. 445 00:20:20,187 --> 00:20:21,655 Gorgonzola? 446 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:22,222 No. 447 00:20:22,256 --> 00:20:22,723 Parmesan? 448 00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:23,257 No. 449 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:23,891 Mozzarella? 450 00:20:23,924 --> 00:20:24,558 No. 451 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,492 Pippo creme? 452 00:20:25,526 --> 00:20:26,193 No. 453 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,628 Any danish fimboe? 454 00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:28,762 No. 455 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,597 Czechoslovakian sheep's milk cheese? 456 00:20:30,631 --> 00:20:31,532 No. 457 00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:33,166 Venezuelan beaver cheese? 458 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,102 Not today, sir, no. 459 00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:36,937 Well, let's keep it simple. 460 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,805 How about cheddar? 461 00:20:38,839 --> 00:20:41,041 Well, I'm afraid we don't get much call for it 462 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,409 Around these parts, sir. 463 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:46,213 Much call?! it's the most popular cheese in the world! 464 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,581 Not round these parts, sir. 465 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:50,984 And pray, what is the most popular cheese 466 00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:52,219 Round these parts? 467 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,353 Ilchester, sir. 468 00:20:53,387 --> 00:20:55,222 I see. 469 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,124 Yes, sir, it's quite staggeringly popular 470 00:20:57,157 --> 00:20:58,325 In the manor, squire. 471 00:20:58,358 --> 00:20:58,992 Is it? 472 00:20:59,026 --> 00:21:00,594 Our number-one seller. 473 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:01,528 Is it? 474 00:21:01,562 --> 00:21:02,596 Yes, sir. 475 00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:03,897 Ilchester, eh? 476 00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:05,465 Right. 477 00:21:05,499 --> 00:21:07,835 Okay, I'm game. 478 00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:10,103 "have you got any?" he asked 479 00:21:10,137 --> 00:21:12,239 Expecting the answer "no." 480 00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,741 I'll have a look, sir. 481 00:21:14,775 --> 00:21:17,110 N... 482 00:21:17,578 --> 00:21:19,813 No. 483 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,016 It's not much of a cheese shop, really, is it? 484 00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:24,351 Finest in the district, sir. 485 00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:25,886 And what leads you to that conclusion? 486 00:21:25,919 --> 00:21:27,588 Well, it's so clean. 487 00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:30,190 Well, it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese. 488 00:21:30,224 --> 00:21:33,794 You haven't asked me about limburger, sir. 489 00:21:33,827 --> 00:21:36,029 Is it worth it? 490 00:21:36,063 --> 00:21:38,799 Could be. 491 00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:41,368 Okay, have you... 492 00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:46,240 Will you shut that bloody dancing up?! 493 00:21:46,273 --> 00:21:47,341 I told you so. 494 00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:51,011 Have you got any limburger? 495 00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:51,812 No. 496 00:21:51,845 --> 00:21:52,980 No-- that figures. 497 00:21:53,013 --> 00:21:54,681 It was pretty predictable, really. 498 00:21:54,715 --> 00:21:56,149 It was an act of pure optimism 499 00:21:56,183 --> 00:21:58,418 To have posed the question in the first place. 500 00:21:58,452 --> 00:21:59,453 Tell me something 501 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,054 Do you have any cheese at all? 502 00:22:01,088 --> 00:22:02,623 Yes, sir. 503 00:22:02,656 --> 00:22:05,359 Now, I'm going to ask you that question once more 504 00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:06,760 And if you say "no" 505 00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,929 I am going to shoot you through the head. 506 00:22:08,962 --> 00:22:10,864 Now, do you have any cheese at all? 507 00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:13,133 No. 508 00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:18,539 What a senseless waste of human life. 509 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:35,422 Hugh walpole's rogue cheddar-- 510 00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:38,759 One of the first of the cheese westerns-- 511 00:22:38,792 --> 00:22:41,795 To be later followed by gunfight at gruyere corral 512 00:22:41,828 --> 00:22:43,764 Ilchester '73 513 00:22:43,797 --> 00:22:48,402 And the cheese who shot liberty valance. 514 00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:50,237 While I'm on the subject of westerns 515 00:22:50,270 --> 00:22:51,805 I want to take a closer look 516 00:22:51,839 --> 00:22:53,807 At one of my favorite film directors-- 517 00:22:53,841 --> 00:22:57,211 Sam peckinpah, the expatriate from fresno, california. 518 00:22:57,244 --> 00:22:59,513 In his earliest films, major dundee 519 00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:02,216 The wild bunch and straw dogs 520 00:23:02,249 --> 00:23:05,519 He showed his predilection for the utterly truthful 521 00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:08,856 And very sexually arousing portrayal of violence 522 00:23:08,889 --> 00:23:11,291 In its starkest form. 523 00:23:11,325 --> 00:23:12,993 In his latest film 524 00:23:13,026 --> 00:23:16,830 Peckinpah has moved into the calmer and more lyrical waters 525 00:23:16,864 --> 00:23:21,168 Of julian slade's salad days. 526 00:23:29,543 --> 00:23:31,311 Hello, everybody. 527 00:23:31,345 --> 00:23:33,247 Hello, lionel. 528 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,717 I say, what a simply super day. 529 00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:38,519 Gosh, yes. 530 00:23:38,552 --> 00:23:41,555 It's so... you know, sunny. 531 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:43,323 Yes, isn't it? 532 00:23:43,357 --> 00:23:46,059 I say, anyone for tennis? 533 00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:47,628 Oh, super! 534 00:23:47,661 --> 00:23:48,495 What fun! 535 00:23:48,529 --> 00:23:52,199 I say, lionel, catch. 536 00:23:58,338 --> 00:24:01,208 Oh, crikey! 537 00:24:34,741 --> 00:24:36,710 Pretty strong meat there from... 538 00:24:36,743 --> 00:24:39,880 Sam peckinpah. 539 00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:52,853 The bbc would like to deny the last apology. 540 00:25:52,886 --> 00:25:54,421 It is very happy at home 541 00:25:54,454 --> 00:25:57,157 And bbc 2 is bound to go through this phase. 542 00:25:57,191 --> 00:26:00,027 So from all of us here, good night, sleep well 543 00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:02,663 And have an absolutely super day tomorrow. 544 00:26:02,696 --> 00:26:05,566 Kiss, kiss. 545 00:26:05,799 --> 00:26:07,201 We've just heard 546 00:26:07,234 --> 00:26:10,437 That an explosion in the kitchens of the house of lords 547 00:26:10,470 --> 00:26:13,307 Has resulted in the breakage of 17 storage jars. 548 00:26:13,340 --> 00:26:17,911 Police have ruled out foul play. 549 00:26:18,011 --> 00:26:20,981 Lemon curry? 550 00:26:59,820 --> 00:27:03,790 Um, I'm sorry about the, uh... the, uh... pause 551 00:27:03,824 --> 00:27:08,328 Only I'm afraid the show is a couple of minutes short 552 00:27:08,362 --> 00:27:10,364 This week. 553 00:27:10,397 --> 00:27:14,635 You know, sometimes the show's aren't really quite as, uh... 554 00:27:14,668 --> 00:27:18,906 As long as they ought to be. 555 00:27:25,345 --> 00:27:28,949 Beautiful, isn't it? 556 00:27:49,937 --> 00:27:53,473 Um, look, there's not really a... a great deal of point 557 00:27:53,507 --> 00:27:56,009 In your sort of hanging on at your end 558 00:27:56,043 --> 00:28:02,749 Because I'm afraid there aren't any more jokes or anything.