1 00:00:12,675 --> 00:00:17,146 Monty python's flying circuses. 2 00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:43,706 Tonight jeremy toogood reads redgauntlet by sir walter scott. 3 00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,209 Hello. 4 00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,680 The sunsoot... 5 00:00:50,713 --> 00:00:52,048 The sunsiett... 6 00:00:52,081 --> 00:00:53,816 The sun... the sunset! 7 00:00:53,850 --> 00:00:58,254 The sunset waas... was, was... 8 00:00:59,055 --> 00:01:03,459 The sunset was... di... deeing... dying 9 00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:07,497 Over the hile... hiel... he... heels... 10 00:01:07,530 --> 00:01:09,766 Oh, hills, hills! 11 00:01:09,799 --> 00:01:13,036 Of... slow... sol... way firth. 12 00:01:13,069 --> 00:01:16,406 The love piper... the lone piper. 13 00:01:16,439 --> 00:01:19,609 The lone piper... on the ba... 14 00:01:19,642 --> 00:01:23,413 Batt... ly... ments... 15 00:01:23,479 --> 00:01:29,719 Of ed... ebing... ebingundir... ed... edingburgher... 16 00:01:31,554 --> 00:01:32,822 Edinburgh! 17 00:01:32,855 --> 00:01:35,858 Edinburgh... castle 18 00:01:35,892 --> 00:01:37,760 Was sil... silhou... 19 00:01:37,794 --> 00:01:41,464 Saluted... s... si... 20 00:01:42,165 --> 00:01:43,466 "the sunset was dying 21 00:01:43,499 --> 00:01:45,535 "over the hills of solway firth. 22 00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:48,671 "the lone piper on the battlements of edinburgh castle 23 00:01:48,705 --> 00:01:52,342 Was silhouetted against the crim..." crimsy... 24 00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,077 Crimson! 25 00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:58,181 Against the crimson streeds... stre... 26 00:01:58,214 --> 00:01:59,415 Streaked. 27 00:01:59,449 --> 00:02:01,484 Streaked? 28 00:02:01,517 --> 00:02:03,119 Crimson-streaked sky. 29 00:02:03,152 --> 00:02:07,557 In the shadows of carriganu... 30 00:02:08,691 --> 00:02:10,226 Cran... crungrin... 31 00:02:10,259 --> 00:02:11,461 Cairngorm! 32 00:02:11,494 --> 00:02:12,495 Ah! 33 00:02:12,528 --> 00:02:14,297 In the shadows of cairngorm 34 00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:15,698 The layt... 35 00:02:15,732 --> 00:02:16,699 Laird! 36 00:02:16,733 --> 00:02:17,734 Laird! laird! laird! 37 00:02:17,767 --> 00:02:19,102 Laird of... of... of... 38 00:02:19,135 --> 00:02:20,103 Laird of monteu... 39 00:02:20,136 --> 00:02:21,104 Montreux... 40 00:02:21,137 --> 00:02:22,138 Montrose. 41 00:02:22,171 --> 00:02:23,640 Montrose. montrose. montrose. 42 00:02:23,673 --> 00:02:25,108 The laird of montrose... 43 00:02:25,141 --> 00:02:26,109 Gal-loped? 44 00:02:26,142 --> 00:02:28,344 Galloped... 45 00:02:28,378 --> 00:02:30,079 "the lone piper 46 00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:33,883 On the battlements of edinburgh castle..." 47 00:02:33,916 --> 00:02:35,852 Next. 48 00:02:35,885 --> 00:02:37,553 Here on top of edinburgh castle 49 00:02:37,587 --> 00:02:38,955 In conditions of extreme secrecy 50 00:02:38,988 --> 00:02:40,390 Men are being trained 51 00:02:40,423 --> 00:02:42,759 For the british army's first kamikaze regiment-- 52 00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:45,762 The queen's own mckamikaze highlanders. 53 00:02:45,795 --> 00:02:47,030 So successful has been 54 00:02:47,063 --> 00:02:48,831 The training of the kamikaze regiment 55 00:02:48,865 --> 00:02:50,600 That the numbers have dwindled 56 00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:53,403 From 30,000 to just over a dozen in three weeks. 57 00:02:53,436 --> 00:02:56,372 What makes these young scotsmen so keen to kill themselves? 58 00:02:56,406 --> 00:02:57,607 The money's good. 59 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,410 And the water skiing. 60 00:03:00,443 --> 00:03:01,511 Attention! 61 00:03:01,544 --> 00:03:02,946 All right, sergeant major, at ease. 62 00:03:02,979 --> 00:03:04,948 Now, how many chaps you got left? 63 00:03:04,981 --> 00:03:05,949 Six, sir. 64 00:03:05,982 --> 00:03:06,950 Six? 65 00:03:06,983 --> 00:03:08,084 Five, sir... good luck, johnson. 66 00:03:08,117 --> 00:03:09,319 Jolly good show, sergeant major. 67 00:03:09,352 --> 00:03:10,386 I've come to tell you 68 00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:11,654 We've got a job for your five lads. 69 00:03:11,688 --> 00:03:12,755 Four, sir. 70 00:03:12,789 --> 00:03:13,756 For your four lads. 71 00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:14,757 Good luck, taggart. 72 00:03:14,791 --> 00:03:15,959 Thank you, sarge. 73 00:03:15,992 --> 00:03:17,460 Now, this mission's going to be dangerous 74 00:03:17,493 --> 00:03:19,362 And it's going to be tough and we're going to need 75 00:03:19,395 --> 00:03:20,763 Every lad of yours to pull his weight. 76 00:03:20,797 --> 00:03:22,465 Now, which four are they? 77 00:03:22,498 --> 00:03:23,533 These three here, sir. 78 00:03:23,566 --> 00:03:24,534 Okay, off you go, smith. 79 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:25,201 Right! 80 00:03:25,234 --> 00:03:26,035 Sergeant major. 81 00:03:26,069 --> 00:03:27,070 Sir?! 82 00:03:27,103 --> 00:03:28,504 You don't think it might be a good idea 83 00:03:28,538 --> 00:03:30,239 To stop the training program for a little bit? 84 00:03:30,273 --> 00:03:32,175 They got to be trained, sir-- it's a dangerous job. 85 00:03:32,208 --> 00:03:34,043 Yes, I know but... 86 00:03:34,077 --> 00:03:35,678 All right, macpherson, you're next-- off you go. 87 00:03:35,712 --> 00:03:37,680 You see, what is worrying me, sergeant major... 88 00:03:37,714 --> 00:03:38,681 I'll make it a good one, sir! 89 00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:39,682 Good luck, macpherson. 90 00:03:39,716 --> 00:03:41,084 Macpherson... only this mission 91 00:03:41,117 --> 00:03:42,385 Really is very dangerous. 92 00:03:42,418 --> 00:03:44,220 We're going to need both the chaps you've got left. 93 00:03:44,253 --> 00:03:45,755 Both of who, sir? 94 00:03:45,788 --> 00:03:47,390 Sergeant major, what's this man's name? 95 00:03:47,423 --> 00:03:48,391 This one, sir? 96 00:03:48,424 --> 00:03:49,392 This one's macdonald, sir. 97 00:03:49,425 --> 00:03:50,393 Macdonald... 98 00:03:50,426 --> 00:03:51,494 Go, lad. no, no, no. 99 00:03:51,527 --> 00:03:53,062 Hang on to macdonald, sergeant major. 100 00:03:53,096 --> 00:03:54,063 Hang on to him. 101 00:03:54,097 --> 00:03:55,431 I don't know whether I can, sir. 102 00:03:55,465 --> 00:03:57,367 He's in a state of itsubishi kyoto mcsayonara. 103 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,701 What's that? 104 00:03:58,735 --> 00:04:00,703 It's the fifth state a scotsman can achieve, sir. 105 00:04:00,737 --> 00:04:02,538 He's got to finish himself off by lunchtime 106 00:04:02,572 --> 00:04:04,374 Or he thinks he's let down the emperor, sir. 107 00:04:04,407 --> 00:04:05,775 Well, can't we get him out of it? 108 00:04:05,808 --> 00:04:07,076 Oh, I don't know how to, sir. 109 00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,045 Our kamikaze instructor, mr. yashimoto, was so good 110 00:04:09,078 --> 00:04:10,380 He never left tokyo airport. 111 00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:16,486 Well, there must be someone else who can advise us. 112 00:04:16,686 --> 00:04:17,654 Good morning. 113 00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:18,688 Kamikaze, please. 114 00:04:18,721 --> 00:04:20,623 Yes, would you go through, please? 115 00:04:20,657 --> 00:04:23,459 Thank you. 116 00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:26,596 All right, sergeant major. 117 00:04:26,629 --> 00:04:27,597 No time to lose. 118 00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:29,365 Beg pardon, sir? 119 00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:30,566 No time to lose. 120 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:31,567 No what, sir? 121 00:04:31,601 --> 00:04:33,636 No time... no time to lose. 122 00:04:33,670 --> 00:04:35,405 Oh, I see, sir. 123 00:04:35,438 --> 00:04:37,674 No time... to lose! 124 00:04:37,707 --> 00:04:39,409 Yes, that's right, yes. 125 00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:41,811 Yes, no time to lose, sir. 126 00:04:41,844 --> 00:04:43,313 Right! 127 00:04:43,346 --> 00:04:44,614 Isn't that funny, sir. 128 00:04:44,647 --> 00:04:46,716 I've never come across that phrase before. 129 00:04:46,749 --> 00:04:47,951 "no time to lose." 130 00:04:47,984 --> 00:04:49,986 42 years I've been in the regular army 131 00:04:50,019 --> 00:04:51,788 And I've never heard that phrase. 132 00:04:51,821 --> 00:04:53,222 Well, it's in perfectly common parlance. 133 00:04:53,256 --> 00:04:54,157 In what, sir? 134 00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:55,158 Oh, never mind. 135 00:04:55,191 --> 00:04:56,759 Right-- no time to lose. 136 00:04:56,793 --> 00:04:59,395 Eventually, yes, sir. 137 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,396 What? 138 00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,664 Well, like you said, sir. 139 00:05:01,698 --> 00:05:03,399 We'll be able to make time eventually-- 140 00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,601 Without to lose, sir, no. 141 00:05:04,634 --> 00:05:06,569 Look, um, I don't think you've quite got 142 00:05:06,603 --> 00:05:11,808 The hang of this phrase, sergeant major. 143 00:05:12,742 --> 00:05:14,277 Morning. 144 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:17,513 No time to lose. 145 00:05:17,547 --> 00:05:19,248 Now, then, how were you thinking 146 00:05:19,282 --> 00:05:20,416 Of using this phrase? 147 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,619 Uh... 148 00:05:22,652 --> 00:05:24,554 Well, I was thinking of using it like, uh... 149 00:05:24,587 --> 00:05:27,323 Uh... "good morning, dear. 150 00:05:27,357 --> 00:05:30,326 What is in no time to lose?" 151 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,562 Yes, well, you've not quite got 152 00:05:32,595 --> 00:05:34,530 The hang of that, have you? 153 00:05:34,564 --> 00:05:35,732 No time to lose. 154 00:05:35,765 --> 00:05:37,200 No time to lose. 155 00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:39,102 No time to lose. 156 00:05:39,135 --> 00:05:42,105 No time to lose. 157 00:05:42,138 --> 00:05:43,506 Now, you want to use this phrase 158 00:05:43,539 --> 00:05:44,907 In everyday conversation, is that right? 159 00:05:44,941 --> 00:05:46,342 Yes, that's right, yes. 160 00:05:46,376 --> 00:05:49,178 Yes, good. 161 00:05:51,114 --> 00:05:53,850 My wife and I have... 162 00:05:53,883 --> 00:05:57,553 My wife and I have never had a great deal to say to each other. 163 00:05:57,587 --> 00:06:00,189 In the old days we used to find things to say 164 00:06:00,223 --> 00:06:02,692 Like "pass the sugar" or "that's my flannel" 165 00:06:02,725 --> 00:06:04,694 But in the last ten or 15 years 166 00:06:04,727 --> 00:06:07,764 There just hasn't seemed to be anything to say. 167 00:06:07,797 --> 00:06:10,400 And anyway, I saw your phrase advertised in the paper 168 00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:12,335 And I thought that's the kind of thing 169 00:06:12,368 --> 00:06:16,205 I'd like to say to her. 170 00:06:16,572 --> 00:06:18,174 Yes, well, what we normally suggest 171 00:06:18,207 --> 00:06:19,709 For a beginner such as yourself 172 00:06:19,742 --> 00:06:22,779 Is that you put your alarm clock back ten minutes in the morning 173 00:06:22,812 --> 00:06:24,614 So you can wake up, look at the clock 174 00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:26,149 And use the phrase immediately. 175 00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:27,150 Shall we try it? 176 00:06:27,183 --> 00:06:28,151 Yes. 177 00:06:28,184 --> 00:06:29,152 All right. 178 00:06:29,185 --> 00:06:30,253 I'll be the alarm clock. 179 00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:31,487 When I go off 180 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:36,392 Look at me and use the phrase, okay? 181 00:06:37,126 --> 00:06:39,796 No! time to lose. 182 00:06:39,829 --> 00:06:40,897 No. no time to lose. 183 00:06:40,930 --> 00:06:42,065 No time to lose. 184 00:06:42,098 --> 00:06:43,066 No time to lose. 185 00:06:43,099 --> 00:06:44,367 No time to lose. 186 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,070 No. to lose, like toulouse in france. 187 00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:48,171 No time toulouse. 188 00:06:48,204 --> 00:06:49,739 No time toulouse. 189 00:06:49,772 --> 00:06:50,740 No time toulouse. 190 00:06:50,773 --> 00:06:51,741 No time toulouse. 191 00:06:51,774 --> 00:06:53,209 No. no time to lose. 192 00:06:53,242 --> 00:06:56,846 No, no time to lose. 193 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:02,318 "no-time toulouse... " 194 00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:20,770 All right, you yellow-bellied sidewinder 195 00:07:20,803 --> 00:07:24,173 Go for your guns. 196 00:07:25,475 --> 00:07:27,810 Anyway, no time to lose, sergeant major. 197 00:07:27,844 --> 00:07:28,811 Look out, sir! 198 00:07:28,845 --> 00:07:29,812 Macdonald! 199 00:07:29,846 --> 00:07:30,813 Macdonald! 200 00:07:30,847 --> 00:07:32,282 We'll have to hurry, sir. 201 00:07:32,315 --> 00:07:33,783 Macdonald, put that down. 202 00:07:33,816 --> 00:07:35,018 Put that down, lad. 203 00:07:35,051 --> 00:07:37,420 He's reached the sixth plane already, sir. 204 00:07:37,453 --> 00:07:39,722 Right, here are the plans, sergeant major. 205 00:07:39,756 --> 00:07:40,723 Good luck. 206 00:07:40,757 --> 00:07:41,724 Thank you, sir. 207 00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:43,159 And good luck to you, macdonald. 208 00:07:43,192 --> 00:07:44,160 Thank you, sir. 209 00:07:44,193 --> 00:07:45,161 Come on, macdonald. 210 00:07:45,194 --> 00:07:46,162 No time to lose. 211 00:07:46,195 --> 00:07:47,530 Very good, sergeant major. 212 00:07:47,563 --> 00:07:48,731 Yes, excellent. 213 00:07:48,765 --> 00:07:49,732 So it was 214 00:07:49,766 --> 00:07:51,467 That on a cold november morning 215 00:07:51,501 --> 00:07:53,503 R.s.m. urdoch and sapper macdonald-- 216 00:07:53,536 --> 00:07:56,172 One of the most highly trained kamikaze experts 217 00:07:56,205 --> 00:07:58,474 The scottish highlands have ever witnessed 218 00:07:58,508 --> 00:08:00,343 Left on a mission which was to... 219 00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,345 Oh, I can't go on with this drivel. 220 00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:04,414 All right, macdonald. 221 00:08:04,447 --> 00:08:07,717 No time to lose. 222 00:08:08,151 --> 00:08:10,954 Macdonald! 223 00:08:17,393 --> 00:08:20,363 Come on. up. 224 00:08:33,076 --> 00:08:35,445 Well, that's the mission, now here's the method. 225 00:08:35,478 --> 00:08:37,113 R.s.m. urdoch will lull the enemy 226 00:08:37,146 --> 00:08:38,648 Into a false sense of security 227 00:08:38,681 --> 00:08:40,650 By giving them large quantities of money 228 00:08:40,683 --> 00:08:42,151 A good home and a steady job. 229 00:08:42,185 --> 00:08:44,220 Then, when they're upstairs with the wife 230 00:08:44,253 --> 00:08:47,156 Sapper macdonald will hurl himself at the secret documents 231 00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:48,591 Destroying them and himself. 232 00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:49,726 Well, that's the plan. 233 00:08:49,759 --> 00:08:51,160 The time is now 19.42 hours. 234 00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,696 I want you to get to bed, have a good night's rest 235 00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:55,598 And be on parade early in the morning. 236 00:08:55,632 --> 00:08:56,799 Thank you for listening 237 00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,501 And thank you for a lovely supper. 238 00:08:58,534 --> 00:09:01,170 And... and... and sue... 239 00:09:01,204 --> 00:09:02,472 So. so, so... 240 00:09:02,505 --> 00:09:06,342 So the... the in... intriptid 241 00:09:06,376 --> 00:09:07,377 Intrepid. 242 00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:08,544 Intrepid. 243 00:09:08,578 --> 00:09:11,080 Intrepid r.s.m. urdoch and super... 244 00:09:11,114 --> 00:09:12,181 Sapper. 245 00:09:12,215 --> 00:09:14,917 Sapper... sapper macdonald... 246 00:09:14,951 --> 00:09:16,019 M... made.. mead... 247 00:09:16,052 --> 00:09:17,020 Made! 248 00:09:17,053 --> 00:09:18,087 Made their why... 249 00:09:18,121 --> 00:09:19,722 Way! way! way! 250 00:09:19,756 --> 00:09:21,624 Way... way to... toarro... 251 00:09:21,658 --> 00:09:22,659 Towards! 252 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:23,726 Towards! 253 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:24,927 Towards... 254 00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:28,331 Towards the... the ruust... ruusty... 255 00:09:28,364 --> 00:09:30,066 Rrr... ruusty... russian. 256 00:09:30,099 --> 00:09:31,601 Russian! 257 00:09:31,634 --> 00:09:32,735 Russian bolder... 258 00:09:32,769 --> 00:09:34,570 Border! border! border! 259 00:09:34,604 --> 00:09:38,441 And so, and so r.s.m. urdoch and sapper macdonald made their way 260 00:09:38,474 --> 00:09:40,043 Towards the russian bolder... 261 00:09:40,076 --> 00:09:42,645 Border! 262 00:09:55,058 --> 00:09:57,393 Hmm? 263 00:11:07,163 --> 00:11:08,564 Penguins, yes, penguins. 264 00:11:08,598 --> 00:11:10,433 What relevance do penguins have 265 00:11:10,466 --> 00:11:12,669 To the furtherance of medical science? 266 00:11:12,702 --> 00:11:14,637 Well, strangely enough, quite a lot-- 267 00:11:14,671 --> 00:11:16,205 A major breakthrough, maybe. 268 00:11:16,239 --> 00:11:19,475 It was from such an unlikely beginning as an unwanted fungus 269 00:11:19,509 --> 00:11:21,611 Accidentally growing on a sterile plate 270 00:11:21,644 --> 00:11:24,547 That sir alexander fleming gave the world penicillin. 271 00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:27,550 James watt watched an ordinary household kettle boiling 272 00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:30,053 And conceived the potentiality of steam power. 273 00:11:30,086 --> 00:11:32,221 Would albert einstein ever have hit upon 274 00:11:32,255 --> 00:11:34,958 The theory of relativity if he hadn't been clever? 275 00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,859 All these tremendous leaps forward 276 00:11:36,893 --> 00:11:38,528 Have been taken in the dark. 277 00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:41,431 Would rutherford ever have split the atom if he hadn't tried? 278 00:11:41,464 --> 00:11:43,399 Could marconi have invented the radio 279 00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:44,867 If he hadn't by pure chance 280 00:11:44,901 --> 00:11:46,736 Spent years working at the problem? 281 00:11:46,769 --> 00:11:49,072 Are these amazing breakthroughs ever achieved 282 00:11:49,105 --> 00:11:51,541 Except by years and years of unremitting study? 283 00:11:51,574 --> 00:11:52,942 Of course not. 284 00:11:52,976 --> 00:11:55,445 What I said earlier about accidental discoveries 285 00:11:55,478 --> 00:11:56,846 Must have been wrong. 286 00:11:56,879 --> 00:11:59,549 Nevertheless, scientists believe that these penguins 287 00:11:59,582 --> 00:12:02,185 These comic, flightless, web-footed little bastards 288 00:12:02,218 --> 00:12:03,953 May finally, unwittingly help man 289 00:12:03,987 --> 00:12:06,556 To fathom the uncharted depths of the human mind. 290 00:12:06,589 --> 00:12:08,825 Professor rosewall of the laver institute. 291 00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,259 Hello. 292 00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:13,396 Here at the institute, professor charles pasarall 293 00:12:13,429 --> 00:12:15,498 Dr. peaches bartkowicz and myself 294 00:12:15,531 --> 00:12:17,500 Have been working on the theory 295 00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:20,336 Originally postulated by the late dr. kramer 296 00:12:20,370 --> 00:12:23,606 That the penguin is intrinsically more intelligent 297 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,241 Than the human being. 298 00:12:25,275 --> 00:12:28,311 The first thing that dr. kramer came up with was 299 00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:31,881 That the penguin has a much smaller brain than the man. 300 00:12:31,914 --> 00:12:34,484 This postulate formed the fundamental basis 301 00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:35,852 Of all of his thinking 302 00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:39,922 And remained with him until his death. 303 00:12:39,956 --> 00:12:42,925 Now, we've taken this theory one stage further. 304 00:12:42,959 --> 00:12:45,395 If we increase the size of the penguin 305 00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:47,864 Until it is the same height as the man 306 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:50,533 And then compare the relative brain sizes 307 00:12:50,566 --> 00:12:54,070 We now find that the penguin's brain is still smaller. 308 00:12:54,103 --> 00:12:59,542 But-- and this is the point-- it is larger than it was. 309 00:12:59,575 --> 00:13:03,179 For a penguin to have the same size of brain as a man 310 00:13:03,212 --> 00:13:08,985 The penguin would have to be over 66 feet high. 311 00:13:10,653 --> 00:13:14,190 This theory has become known as the "waste of time theory" 312 00:13:14,223 --> 00:13:15,959 And was abandoned in 1956. 313 00:13:15,992 --> 00:13:17,593 Hello again. 314 00:13:17,627 --> 00:13:20,730 Standard i.q. tests gave the following results. 315 00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:23,333 The penguins scored badly when compared 316 00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:27,737 With primitive human subgroups like the bushmen of the kalahari 317 00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:30,173 But better than bbc program planners. 318 00:13:30,206 --> 00:13:33,743 The bbc program planners' surprisingly high total here 319 00:13:33,776 --> 00:13:35,278 Can be explained away 320 00:13:35,311 --> 00:13:38,481 As being within the ordinary limits of statistical error. 321 00:13:38,514 --> 00:13:40,516 One particularly dim program planner 322 00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:43,353 Can cock the whole thing up. 323 00:13:43,386 --> 00:13:44,621 These i.q. tests 324 00:13:44,654 --> 00:13:47,824 Were thought to contain an unfair cultural bias 325 00:13:47,857 --> 00:13:49,258 Against the penguin. 326 00:13:49,292 --> 00:13:51,327 For example, it didn't take into account 327 00:13:51,361 --> 00:13:53,863 The penguins' extremely poor educational system. 328 00:13:53,896 --> 00:13:56,065 To devise a fairer system of tests 329 00:13:56,099 --> 00:13:59,702 A team of our researchers spent 18 months in antarctica 330 00:13:59,736 --> 00:14:01,170 Living like penguins 331 00:14:01,204 --> 00:14:05,308 And subsequently dying like penguins-- only quicker-- 332 00:14:05,341 --> 00:14:07,610 Proving that the penguin is a clever little sod 333 00:14:07,644 --> 00:14:09,145 In his own environment. 334 00:14:09,178 --> 00:14:11,481 Therefore, we devised tests to be given to the penguins 335 00:14:11,514 --> 00:14:12,882 In the fourth set-- 336 00:14:12,915 --> 00:14:15,318 I do beg your pardon-- in their own environment. 337 00:14:15,351 --> 00:14:16,319 Net! 338 00:14:16,352 --> 00:14:18,688 Shh! 339 00:14:18,955 --> 00:14:22,558 What is the next number in this sequence? 340 00:14:22,592 --> 00:14:25,962 Two, four, six... 341 00:14:28,331 --> 00:14:31,601 Did he say "eight"? 342 00:14:31,634 --> 00:14:33,469 What is... 343 00:14:33,503 --> 00:14:35,805 The environmental barrier had been removed 344 00:14:35,838 --> 00:14:37,807 But we'd hit another-- the language barrier. 345 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,442 The penguins could not speak english 346 00:14:39,475 --> 00:14:41,544 And were therefore unable to give the answers. 347 00:14:41,577 --> 00:14:44,447 This problem was removed in the next series of experiments 348 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,616 By asking the same questions to the penguins 349 00:14:46,649 --> 00:14:49,218 And to a random group of non-english-speaking humans 350 00:14:49,252 --> 00:14:50,420 In the same conditions. 351 00:14:50,453 --> 00:14:53,556 What is the next number? 352 00:14:53,589 --> 00:14:56,960 Two, four, six... 353 00:15:09,339 --> 00:15:10,907 Hello? 354 00:15:10,940 --> 00:15:13,543 The results of these tests were most illuminating. 355 00:15:13,576 --> 00:15:15,878 The penguins' scores were consistently equal 356 00:15:15,912 --> 00:15:21,351 To those of the non-english-speaking group. 357 00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:29,092 These inquiries led to certain changes at the bbc... 358 00:15:32,161 --> 00:15:34,631 While attendances at zoos boomed. 359 00:15:34,664 --> 00:15:36,666 Soon these feathery little hustlers 360 00:15:36,699 --> 00:15:42,605 Were infiltrating important positions everywhere. 361 00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:47,777 Help. 362 00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:52,115 Oh! 363 00:16:32,255 --> 00:16:34,557 Vizna veshchat. 364 00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,126 Pravda karamentov. 365 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,161 We must study them 366 00:16:38,194 --> 00:16:40,630 In conditions of absolute secrecy. 367 00:16:40,663 --> 00:16:41,764 Nyet? 368 00:16:41,798 --> 00:16:43,166 Look out! 369 00:16:43,199 --> 00:16:45,602 Nyet? 370 00:17:04,988 --> 00:17:06,990 He hasn't gone off. 371 00:17:07,023 --> 00:17:10,093 Slovati, tovarish! 372 00:17:10,126 --> 00:17:12,528 What? 373 00:18:31,441 --> 00:18:35,278 And welcome to spot the looney, where once again, we invite you 374 00:18:35,311 --> 00:18:37,413 To come with us all over the world 375 00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:40,583 To meet all kinds of people in all kinds of places 376 00:18:40,617 --> 00:18:41,684 And ask you to... 377 00:18:41,718 --> 00:18:44,988 Spot the looney. 378 00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:47,624 Our panel this evening: gurt svensson 379 00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:51,027 The swedish mammal abuser and part-time radiator... 380 00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,362 Good evening. 381 00:18:52,395 --> 00:18:55,632 Dame elsie occluded-- historian, wit, bon viveur 382 00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:58,368 And rear half of the johnson brothers... 383 00:18:58,401 --> 00:18:59,836 Good evening. 384 00:18:59,869 --> 00:19:03,172 And miles yellowbird up high in banana tree 385 00:19:03,206 --> 00:19:06,142 The golfer and inventor of catholicism. 386 00:19:06,175 --> 00:19:08,077 Good evening. 387 00:19:08,111 --> 00:19:13,616 And we'll be inviting them to spot the looney. 388 00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:15,218 Ah, yes, quite right. 389 00:19:15,251 --> 00:19:18,121 A viewer from preston there who's pointed out correctly 390 00:19:18,154 --> 00:19:20,590 That the entire panel are loonies. 391 00:19:20,623 --> 00:19:22,258 Five points to preston there 392 00:19:22,292 --> 00:19:24,294 And on to our first piece of film. 393 00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:25,795 It's about mountaineering 394 00:19:25,828 --> 00:19:28,364 And remember, you have to spot the looney. 395 00:19:28,398 --> 00:19:31,701 The legendary south face of ben macdhui-- 396 00:19:31,734 --> 00:19:35,238 Dark, forbidding... 397 00:19:36,039 --> 00:19:37,807 Yes, well done. 398 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,909 Mrs. nesbitt of york spotted the looney 399 00:19:39,943 --> 00:19:42,578 In 1.8 seconds. 400 00:19:42,612 --> 00:19:45,481 On to our second round, and it's photo time. 401 00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:48,318 We're going to invite you to look at photos 402 00:19:48,351 --> 00:19:52,322 Of tony jacklin, anthony barber, edgar allan poe, katy boyle 403 00:19:52,355 --> 00:19:54,457 Reginald maudling and a looney. 404 00:19:54,490 --> 00:19:58,561 All you have to do is spot the looney. 405 00:19:58,594 --> 00:20:00,730 Now, I must ask you please not to ring in 406 00:20:00,763 --> 00:20:05,401 Until you've seen all the photos. 407 00:20:11,307 --> 00:20:17,046 Yes, you're right, the answer was, of course, number two. 408 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,582 I'm afraid there's been an error in our computer. 409 00:20:19,616 --> 00:20:22,719 The correct answer should, of course, have been number four 410 00:20:22,752 --> 00:20:24,721 And not katy boyle. 411 00:20:24,754 --> 00:20:27,023 Katy boyle is not a looney. 412 00:20:27,056 --> 00:20:31,628 She is a television personality. 413 00:20:32,295 --> 00:20:35,465 Now it's time for spot the looney historical adaptation. 414 00:20:35,498 --> 00:20:38,835 This time, it's the thrilling medieval romance, ivanhoe 415 00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:42,171 A stirring story of love and war, violence and chivalry 416 00:20:42,205 --> 00:20:44,440 Set amidst the pageantry and splendor 417 00:20:44,474 --> 00:20:46,943 Of 13th-century england. 418 00:20:46,976 --> 00:20:52,015 All you have to do is spot the looney. 419 00:21:00,089 --> 00:21:02,792 Yes, well done, mrs. l. of leicester 420 00:21:02,825 --> 00:21:05,762 Mrs. b. of buxton and mrs. g. of gatwick. 421 00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:09,799 The looney was, of course, the writer, sir walter scott. 422 00:21:09,832 --> 00:21:12,035 I didn't write that. 423 00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:13,670 Sounds more like dickens. 424 00:21:13,703 --> 00:21:15,138 You bastard! 425 00:21:15,171 --> 00:21:19,108 Was sir walter scott a looney or was he the greatest flowering 426 00:21:19,142 --> 00:21:21,978 Of the early 19th-century romantic tradition? 427 00:21:22,011 --> 00:21:25,381 The most underestimated novelist of the 19th century 428 00:21:25,415 --> 00:21:28,184 Or merely a disillusioned and bitter man... 429 00:21:28,217 --> 00:21:30,119 Excuse me, can I borrow that, please? 430 00:21:30,153 --> 00:21:31,120 Yes. 431 00:21:31,154 --> 00:21:33,957 Thank you. 432 00:21:34,257 --> 00:21:37,493 These trees behind me now were planted over 40 years ago 433 00:21:37,527 --> 00:21:39,996 As part of a policy by the then crown woods 434 00:21:40,029 --> 00:21:42,598 Who became the forestry commission in 1924. 435 00:21:42,632 --> 00:21:45,568 The forestry commission systematically replanted 436 00:21:45,602 --> 00:21:47,036 This entire area-- shh! 437 00:21:47,070 --> 00:21:49,806 That's 40,000 acres of virgin forest. 438 00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:51,841 By 1980, this will have risen 439 00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:54,277 Up to 200,000 acres of soft woods. 440 00:21:54,310 --> 00:21:56,879 In commercial terms, a coniferous cornucopia 441 00:21:56,913 --> 00:21:58,147 An evergreen el dorado 442 00:21:58,181 --> 00:21:59,882 A tree-lined treasure trove-- 443 00:21:59,916 --> 00:22:03,319 No!-- a fat fir cone future for the financiers. 444 00:22:03,353 --> 00:22:05,088 But what of the cost... 445 00:22:05,121 --> 00:22:06,089 It's mine! 446 00:22:06,122 --> 00:22:08,191 Go away!-- in human terms? 447 00:22:08,224 --> 00:22:09,659 Who are the casualties? 448 00:22:09,692 --> 00:22:11,294 ...for this was sir walter scott's country. 449 00:22:11,327 --> 00:22:12,729 In many of his finest romances 450 00:22:12,762 --> 00:22:14,330 Such as guy mannering or redgauntlet... 451 00:22:14,364 --> 00:22:15,632 Give that back! 452 00:22:15,665 --> 00:22:18,001 No!-- scott showed himself to be not only a fine... 453 00:22:18,034 --> 00:22:23,740 The spruces and firs of this forest will be used... 454 00:22:23,773 --> 00:22:28,077 Also a writer of humor and... 455 00:22:29,345 --> 00:22:31,347 Britain's timber resources are being used up 456 00:22:31,381 --> 00:22:32,482 At the rate of over... 457 00:22:32,515 --> 00:22:34,250 One man who knew scott was angus tinker. 458 00:22:34,284 --> 00:22:35,952 Much of scott's greatest work-- 459 00:22:35,985 --> 00:22:37,687 And I'm thinking here particularly 460 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,791 Of heart of midlothian and old mortality, for example-- 461 00:22:41,824 --> 00:22:46,229 Are concerned with preserving the life and conditions... 462 00:22:46,262 --> 00:22:47,864 Forestry research here has shown 463 00:22:47,897 --> 00:22:50,033 That a wholly synthetic, soft-timber fiber 464 00:22:50,066 --> 00:22:52,201 Can be created, leaving the harder trees-- 465 00:22:52,235 --> 00:22:54,671 The oaks, the beeches, the larches and the pines 466 00:22:54,704 --> 00:22:56,806 And even some of the deciduous hardwoods. 467 00:22:56,839 --> 00:22:58,741 This new soft-timber fiber 468 00:22:58,775 --> 00:23:01,744 Would totally replace the plywoods, hardboards and chipboards 469 00:23:01,778 --> 00:23:04,948 At present dominating the... 470 00:23:04,981 --> 00:23:06,416 In the waverley novels 471 00:23:06,449 --> 00:23:12,088 Scott was constantly concerned to protect a way of life... 472 00:23:12,121 --> 00:23:15,358 ...and aspirations within the necessary limitations 473 00:23:15,391 --> 00:23:16,726 Of the gothic novel. 474 00:23:16,759 --> 00:23:18,728 Scott explored the tortuous 475 00:23:18,761 --> 00:23:20,863 And at times self-destructive... 476 00:23:20,897 --> 00:23:23,132 Developments in reinforced timber... 477 00:23:23,166 --> 00:23:26,936 Scott lived in abbotsford in the heart of the country... 478 00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:28,471 ...a subjugated country... 479 00:23:28,504 --> 00:23:30,406 ...the canadian timber exports 480 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,242 Which were still recovering from the effects 481 00:23:33,276 --> 00:23:34,577 Of two unsuccessful... 482 00:23:34,611 --> 00:23:36,346 In rob roy and also in... 483 00:23:36,379 --> 00:23:40,383 ...the decline in hard... 484 00:23:41,851 --> 00:23:44,153 Thened... then-ed... 485 00:23:44,187 --> 00:23:45,421 Then. 486 00:23:45,455 --> 00:23:47,690 Then! ah! 487 00:23:47,724 --> 00:23:50,360 The end! 488 00:24:26,896 --> 00:24:29,265 Next week on book at bedtime 489 00:24:29,299 --> 00:24:33,536 Jeremy toogood will be reading anna sewell's black bu... 490 00:24:33,569 --> 00:24:35,939 Butt... black beaut... 491 00:24:35,972 --> 00:24:37,140 Black buttoon. 492 00:24:37,173 --> 00:24:40,109 Black... bug... butom.