1 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,686 Yes, this looks the sort of thing. 2 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:33,921 May I just try it? 3 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,389 Certainly, madam. 4 00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:36,890 Oh, sorry, so sorry! 5 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,158 Yes, that's fine. 6 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,960 Is that on account, madam? 7 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,329 Yes. 8 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,435 Hello? 9 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,971 Hello? 10 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,216 Oh, I'm terribly sorry. 11 00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:04,218 I thought you were someone else. 12 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,519 Oh, I see, yes. 13 00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:06,587 I'm sorry, sir. 14 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,855 Can I help you? 15 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,591 Yes, yes, as a matter of fact, you can, actually. 16 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:14,328 I was interested in the possibility of pur... 17 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,230 Can I ask you who you thought I was? 18 00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:16,997 What? 19 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,298 Who did you think I was 20 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,200 Just then, when you thought I was somebody? 21 00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,702 Oh, it's no one you'd know, sir. 22 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,403 Well, I might know them. 23 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,538 It's possible, obviously 24 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,039 But I think it's really unlikely. 25 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,675 I mean, he's hardly likely to move in your circles, sir. 26 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,310 Why, is he very rich? 27 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,012 Oh, no, I didn't mean that, sir. 28 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,547 Is he a lord or something? 29 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,181 Not at all. 30 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,916 What is his name? 31 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:36,550 What? 32 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,818 What is his name? 33 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,253 Well, uh... 34 00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:41,188 Yes? 35 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,189 Michael ellis. 36 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,224 Who? 37 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,325 Michael ellis. 38 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,294 I see. 39 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,529 Do you know him, sir? 40 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,632 Uh, michael ellis. 41 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,666 Michael ellis. 42 00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:53,667 You don't? 43 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:54,968 Well, I don't remember the name. 44 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,470 I think you would remember him, sir. 45 00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:57,404 Why do you say that? 46 00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,772 Well, would you remember 47 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,574 A man six foot nine inches high 48 00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:03,143 40-ish, and he's got a scar from here to here 49 00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:06,480 And absolutely no nose? 50 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,982 Oh, I think I do remember somebody like that. 51 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:11,685 Well, that's not michael ellis. 52 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:12,920 Right... 53 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,421 He's a small man about this high 54 00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:15,722 With a high- pitched voice. 55 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,125 Right, I'm not going to buy an ant from you now. 56 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,159 Oh, no, please. 57 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,460 You've not been properly trained. 58 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:21,528 Come on, please. 59 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,629 I want another assistant. 60 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,298 All right, I'll get another assistant. 61 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:24,998 Thank you. 62 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:25,999 Hello, sir. 63 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,534 Can I help you? 64 00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:29,036 No, I want a different assistant. 65 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,838 I am, sir-- I'm mr. abanazar, sir. 66 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:31,939 Don't be silly. 67 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,640 Oh, no, please, please let me help you. 68 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,875 No! I want another assistant. 69 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:35,976 Oh, no, come on, please. 70 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:36,977 If you don't... 71 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,478 I'll be very good, sir, really. 72 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,479 Good morning, sir. 73 00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:40,614 How are you, sir? 74 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,449 Bit parky outside today, isn't it, sir? 75 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,551 A very nice suit you've got there, sir. 76 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:45,586 Right, I'm going. 77 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,587 No, no, please. 78 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,021 I'll get you another assistant. 79 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,858 All right. 80 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,262 It's not him. 81 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,363 I don't want him. 82 00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:57,898 Oh, please, give him a chance. 83 00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:58,999 No! 84 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,701 Yes, sir, can I be of any assistance? 85 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,135 Oh, come on, don't try that. 86 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,270 Try what, sir? 87 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,271 You know 88 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,739 Perfectly well. 89 00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,075 You were down behind there with a silly mask on 90 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,209 Going 91 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,210 I don't think I was, sir. 92 00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:11,478 Get the manager. 93 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,947 There seems to have been a misunderstanding, sir. 94 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:14,948 Manager! 95 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,216 This is the manager, sir. 96 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,217 What? 97 00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:18,552 Yes, I'm the manager. 98 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,820 Smashing store, this. 99 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,255 I can't recommend it too highly. 100 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,090 Well lit, rat-free, it's a joy to manage. 101 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,493 Oh, yes, freshest haddock in london, second floor 102 00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:27,928 Third floor ribena, ants here 103 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,696 Behind there our dinner wagon exhibition. 104 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:30,697 Manager! 105 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,065 Quick! 106 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,667 Yes, sir, can I help you, sir? 107 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,503 Yes, I want to complain about the assistants on this counter. 108 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,804 I'm sorry, sir-- which ones? 109 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,406 Well, they're hiding now. 110 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,674 Sir? 111 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,809 They're hiding, down there behind the counter. 112 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,712 I see, sir. 113 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:48,448 Well, there's nobody down here, sir. 114 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,117 They must have crawled through here 115 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,152 And made their escape through "soft toys." 116 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,453 Yes, of course. 117 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,789 They were wearing masks and making silly noises 118 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,958 And one of them pretended to be the manager. 119 00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:58,959 He spoke like this: 120 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,395 Oh, yes, I'm the manager. 121 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:02,996 Smashing store to manage, this. 122 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,231 I think I've got it, sir. 123 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,099 I think I've got it-- it's rag week. 124 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,534 Rag week? 125 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,036 Yes, you know, for charity, sir. 126 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,305 Oh, I see, some local college or university? 127 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,907 No, no, it's the store's rag week. 128 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,075 The store's rag week? 129 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:17,077 Yes, the senior staff don't join in much. 130 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,679 It's for the trainees, really. 131 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,414 Not very good for business, is it? 132 00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:21,715 Oh, it's for charity, sir. 133 00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:23,951 People are awfully good about it, you know. 134 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,152 Oh, I see. 135 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,287 Right, sir, I'll get you a senior assistant. 136 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:28,388 Ants, was it? 137 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,756 Yes, please. 138 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,025 Mr. snetterton? 139 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,060 I don't want him! 140 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,595 Oh, please, give me a chance. 141 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:35,629 No! 142 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,231 All right, mr. hartford. 143 00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,800 Yes, good morning, sir, can I help you? 144 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,069 Yes, please, I'm interested in buying an ant. 145 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,905 Ah, yes, and what price were you thinking of paying, sir? 146 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,407 Oh, well, I hadn't actually got as far as that. 147 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,610 Well, sir, they start about half a p 148 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,712 But they can go as high as three p 149 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,514 Or even 31/2p for a champion. 150 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,915 Inflation, I'm afraid. 151 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,551 Well, I should think one about 11/2p, please. 152 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,119 Ah, yes, well, you should get 153 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,588 A very serviceable little animal for that, sir. 154 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,190 Quite frankly, the half-p ones 155 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,658 Are a bit on the mangy side. 156 00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,127 What length was sir thinking of? 157 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,162 Oh, medium? 158 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,266 Medium, medium, medium, medium... 159 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,435 Yes, here we are. 160 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,805 Now, that one there is an ayrshire 161 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:24,011 And that one there is a king george bitch, I think. 162 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:27,281 And that one killing the little flitbat is an afghan. 163 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,448 That's a nice one. 164 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:32,753 Let's see how you get on with him, eh? 165 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,087 Ah, yes, he likes you. 166 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,189 He's taken to you. 167 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,523 What do you feed them on? 168 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:37,591 Uh, blancmange. 169 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,492 Blancmange? 170 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,493 I'm sorry. 171 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:40,794 I don't know why I said that. 172 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,196 No, you don't feed them at all. 173 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,198 Well, what do they live on? 174 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,332 They don't-- they die. 175 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,466 They die? 176 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,001 Well, of course they do 177 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,369 If you don't feed them. 178 00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:51,205 I don't understand. 179 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,806 You let them die, then you buy another one. 180 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,141 It's much cheaper than feeding them 181 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,709 And that way, you have a constant variety 182 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:56,810 Of little companions. 183 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,145 That's the advantage of owning an ant. 184 00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,379 Right, well, I'll take this one. 185 00:07:59,413 --> 00:08:00,447 Oh, dear, I've dropped it. 186 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,349 Never mind, here's another one. 187 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,418 Is there anything else I'll need? 188 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,620 Yes, sir, you'll need an ant house. 189 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:11,525 This is the model we recommend, sir. 190 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,493 Won't it get out of there? 191 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,329 Yes. 192 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:19,566 What's the point of having the cage? 193 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,101 Well, none at all, really. 194 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,670 And then some little pieces of cage furniture 195 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,506 Which will keep him entertained. 196 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,741 There's an ant wheel, and a little ant swing 197 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,210 And here's a very nice one here, a little ladder. 198 00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:32,145 He can run up there and ring the bell. 199 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,580 That's a trick he can learn. 200 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,082 Will he live long enough? 201 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,084 Not really, no, but it's best to have one. 202 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:40,687 And here's a two-way radio he can play with 203 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,824 And then of course, you'll need the book. 204 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,192 The book? 205 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:48,228 Yes, yes, the book on ants. 206 00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:49,696 I see. 207 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:54,868 So, sir, that is, if I may say so, funt184 11/2p, sir. 208 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,904 Will you take a check? 209 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,373 Yes, sir, if you don't mind leaving a blood sample 210 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,442 And a piece of skin off the back of the scalp just here, sir. 211 00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:04,278 Sorry, just for identification. 212 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,979 Can't be too careful. 213 00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:08,582 Well, I think I'll put it on account. 214 00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:09,683 I should, sir. 215 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:10,851 Much less painful. 216 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,186 There we are. 217 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,555 Anyway, sir, you know what they say about an ant-- 218 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:15,689 A friend for life, eh? 219 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,724 Well, a friend for its life, anyway. 220 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,527 Now, then, here we are. 221 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,596 His name is marcus. 222 00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,565 Right, if the little chap should go 223 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,733 To an early grave, sir, give us a ring 224 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,469 And we'll stick a few in an envelope, all right? 225 00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:30,771 Thanks very much indeed. 226 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,472 Not at all, thank you, mr. ellis. 227 00:09:32,506 --> 00:09:33,473 What did you say? 228 00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:34,808 "thank you, mr. ellis." 229 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:35,809 It's not him. 230 00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:36,844 Why did you say "mr. ellis"? 231 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:37,845 Who? 232 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:38,979 No, he didn't say that. 233 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,248 I heard him say, "thank you, mr. ellis." 234 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,282 Ah, no, no. 235 00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:44,084 He said, "I'm jealous." 236 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,118 What? 237 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,620 I'm jealous of your ant. 238 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,388 Good-bye. 239 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,556 Bye-bye! 240 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,258 I don't care who michael ellis is. 241 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,260 Papism will be stamped out 242 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:56,663 With the iron boot of punishment and enlightenment. 243 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,966 Excuse me, I was in the ant counter and... 244 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,467 Papism will be stamped out 245 00:10:00,501 --> 00:10:03,370 With the iron boot of punishment and enlightenment. 246 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,005 ...the lord himself who said 247 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:09,209 Stamp out the papist swine. 248 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,094 Will mr. michael ellis please go 249 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,862 straight to the manager's office. 250 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:32,299 I'll repeat that-- will mr. nigel mellish 251 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:37,771 please go straight to the manager's office. 252 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:41,808 What you got now? 253 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,945 I bought an ant, mother. 254 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,613 What do you want one of them for? 255 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,215 I'm not going to clean it out. 256 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,617 You said you'd clean the tiger out, but do you? no. 257 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,653 Suppose you've lost interest in it now. 258 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:56,924 Now it'll be ant-ant-ant for a couple of days 259 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,292 Then all of a sudden 260 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,160 "oh, mum, I've bought a sloth" 261 00:11:00,194 --> 00:11:03,063 Or some other odd-toed ungulate like a tapir. 262 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,232 No, it's really different this time, mum. 263 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,401 I'm really going to look after this ant. 264 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,804 That's what you said about the sperm whale. 265 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,407 Now your papa's having to use it as a garage. 266 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,242 Well, you didn't feed it properly. 267 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,777 Where are we going to get 268 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:19,146 44 tons of plankton from every morning? 269 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,281 Your papa was dead vexed about that. 270 00:11:21,315 --> 00:11:23,417 They thought he was mad in the deli. 271 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,352 Well, at least he's got a free garage. 272 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,753 That's no good to him. 273 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,690 His hillman smells all fishy. 274 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,758 Oh, blimey, that's the tiger. 275 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,460 He wants his mandies. 276 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,963 Are you giving that tiger drugs? 277 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,931 'course I'm giving it drugs. 278 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:38,966 It's illegal. 279 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,634 You try telling that to the tiger. 280 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,736 Well, I think it's dangerous. 281 00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,505 Listen, before he started fixing 282 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,774 He used to get through four jehovah witnesses a day. 283 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,777 And he used to eat all of them, except the pamphlets. 284 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,980 Well, he's not dim. 285 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,281 All right! 286 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,749 I'm going to watch tv. 287 00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:56,850 Come on, marcus. 288 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,752 Michael's been on the phone 289 00:11:58,785 --> 00:11:59,887 All day for you. 290 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,054 Michael? 291 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,757 Yeah, you know, michael... michael! 292 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:04,925 Michael ellis. 293 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,894 Yeah, he's been on the phone all day. 294 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:07,995 He came round twice. 295 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,263 What does he look like? 296 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:10,764 Oh, I didn't see him. 297 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,966 The orange-rumped agouti answered the door. 298 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,102 Only useful animal you ever bought, that. 299 00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,170 Where is he now? 300 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,205 He's upstairs forging prescriptions 301 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,540 For the sodding tiger. 302 00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,109 No, no, where is michael ellis now? 303 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,177 Oh, I don't know. 304 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,345 He said it wasn't important, anyway. 305 00:12:25,379 --> 00:12:28,549 All right, here I come. 306 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:30,984 Um... 307 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,264 Hello, and welcome 308 00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:46,166 to the university of the air. 309 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,601 And first this afternoon 310 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:48,902 part 17 of our series 311 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,437 on animal communications. 312 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:53,106 This afternoon, we look at recent discoveries 313 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,943 in the field of intraspecific signaling codes 314 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,411 in the family formicidae. 315 00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:02,416 Ooh, that's a stroke of luck, marcus. 316 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:09,183 Turn that bloody thing off! 317 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,317 We interrupt this program 318 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,618 to bring you the latest news 319 00:14:11,652 --> 00:14:13,487 of the extraordinary michael ellis saga. 320 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,855 Apparently michael ellis... 321 00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,623 Hey, I was watching that! 322 00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:17,624 Bloody thing. 323 00:14:17,658 --> 00:14:19,760 It's upsetting the tiger. 324 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:22,663 Oh, christ. 325 00:14:28,769 --> 00:14:32,739 ...nd of the announcement. 326 00:14:32,773 --> 00:14:35,108 And now back to university of the air 327 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,878 And our series for advanced medical students 328 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,647 Elements of surgical homeopathic practice. 329 00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:42,482 Part 68, "ants." 330 00:14:42,516 --> 00:14:47,087 Ah! we're in luck again, marcus. 331 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,123 Hello, formicidophiles. 332 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:53,727 Well, before all the blood and guts you're waiting to see 333 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,930 let's have a look at the anatomy of the little ant. 334 00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:01,935 The body of the ant is divided into three sections-- 335 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:04,605 the head, the thorax and the abdomen. 336 00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:07,908 They are enclosed in a hard armorlike covering 337 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:09,810 called the exoskeleton 338 00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:14,281 which provides some protection from other nasty little insects 339 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:18,118 but, unfortunately, not from the dissector's scalpel. 340 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,520 See, nothing to it. 341 00:15:19,553 --> 00:15:20,988 He's not such a toughie. 342 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,422 And his legs-- 343 00:15:22,456 --> 00:15:25,559 they help him carry hundreds of times his own weight 344 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,127 but look at this. 345 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,429 You're not so strong compared with me. 346 00:15:29,463 --> 00:15:31,098 Four, five, six... ha! 347 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,433 I didn't know ants had six legs, marcus. 348 00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:36,603 I assure you, they do, mr. ellis. 349 00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:39,039 Hey, you've got two legs missing. 350 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,542 And that's a false feeler, marcus. 351 00:15:41,575 --> 00:15:44,144 Blimey! 352 00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,784 I'm taking this ant back, mother. 353 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,286 It's got two legs missing. 354 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,154 Mrs. mcwong's been on the phone. 355 00:15:54,188 --> 00:15:56,657 The polar bear's been in her garden again. 356 00:15:56,690 --> 00:15:59,059 Well, I'll get it on the way back from the store. 357 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,394 Well, mind you do. 358 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:01,762 His droppings are enormous. 359 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,564 Oh, and by the way, while you're out 360 00:16:03,597 --> 00:16:05,799 Get us another couple of tellies, would you? 361 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:09,102 Here's 180 quid. 362 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,283 Second floor. 363 00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:27,120 Stationery, leather goods, nasal injuries 364 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:32,359 Cricket bats, film stars, dolphinariums. 365 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,637 Third floor. 366 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:47,641 Cosmetics, books, irish massage 367 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,477 Tribal headgear, ants 368 00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:52,880 But not complaints about ants. 369 00:16:52,913 --> 00:16:55,315 Oh, where do I go to complain? 370 00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:59,152 Straight on, then left, then right past the thing 371 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,154 Then up the little stairs 372 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:04,491 Then right past the bit where it's gone all soft 373 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:08,495 Then down the wobbly bit, left past the nail 374 00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:11,899 Past the brown stain on the wall to your right 375 00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:14,168 And it's the door marked "exit" 376 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,603 Straight ahead of you on the left. 377 00:17:16,637 --> 00:17:19,106 Thank you. 378 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,774 Fourth floor. 379 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,743 Kiddies' vasectomies... 380 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,278 I don't want you. 381 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,813 Oh, something wrong with your little ant friend? 382 00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:28,382 No, I'm not going to tell you. 383 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,551 Oh, something missing in the leg department? 384 00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:31,552 No. 385 00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:32,986 Yes, sir, can i help you, sir? 386 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:33,987 No, no, no, no, no. 387 00:17:34,021 --> 00:17:35,189 It's all right, sir. 388 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,024 It's for the sack race later on, sir. 389 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,560 No, no, no, I want to speak to the general manager. 390 00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:40,827 I want to complain. 391 00:17:40,861 --> 00:17:43,197 Oh, you want the toupee hall, in that case, sir. 392 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,298 The what? 393 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:48,502 The toupee hall, mr. ellis. 394 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:50,537 Excuse me, could you tell me 395 00:17:50,571 --> 00:17:52,472 The way to the toupee hall, please? 396 00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:53,507 Sorry? 397 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:54,641 The toupee hall. 398 00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:56,643 The what?! 399 00:17:56,677 --> 00:17:58,612 The toupee hall. 400 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,981 Oh, the toupee hall. 401 00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:03,984 Gladys, where are toupees now? 402 00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,419 Toupees? 403 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,753 Mm, this gentleman wants one. 404 00:18:06,787 --> 00:18:07,754 A toupee? 405 00:18:07,788 --> 00:18:08,655 Mm. 406 00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:09,890 Well, no, actually... 407 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,192 Oh, I think they're in surgical appliances now. 408 00:18:12,226 --> 00:18:13,727 Oh, that's right. 409 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,330 Yes, you go left at artificial limbs and hearing aids 410 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,497 Right at dentures 411 00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:19,566 And it's on your left just by glass eyes. 412 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,202 It doesn't say toupees to avoid embarrassing people 413 00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:23,437 But you can smell them. 414 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:26,273 Thank you. 415 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,611 You can see the join. 416 00:18:30,644 --> 00:18:32,446 Yes, you can. 417 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:36,049 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. 418 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:40,888 It's so nice to see such a large turnout this afternoon. 419 00:18:40,921 --> 00:18:42,789 And I'd like to start off 420 00:18:42,823 --> 00:18:46,560 By welcoming our guest speakers for this afternoon 421 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:47,728 Mr. wadsworth... 422 00:18:47,761 --> 00:18:49,029 Wordsworth. 423 00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:50,898 Sorry, wordsworth. 424 00:18:50,931 --> 00:18:53,834 Mr. john koots 425 00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,202 And percy bysshe. 426 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,170 Shelley. 427 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:59,740 Just a little one, medium dry. 428 00:18:59,773 --> 00:19:01,108 And alfred lorde. 429 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,109 Tennyson. 430 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,343 Tennisball. 431 00:19:03,377 --> 00:19:04,077 Son. 432 00:19:04,111 --> 00:19:06,013 Sorry, alfred lord 433 00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:09,249 Who is evidently lord tennisball's son. 434 00:19:09,283 --> 00:19:10,851 And to start off 435 00:19:10,884 --> 00:19:14,254 I'm going to ask mr. wadswroth to recite his latest offering 436 00:19:14,288 --> 00:19:19,693 A little pram entitled "I wandered lonely as a crab" 437 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:23,630 And it's all about ants. 438 00:19:23,697 --> 00:19:26,633 I wandered lonely as a cloud... 439 00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:27,634 Oh! 440 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,203 That floats on high 441 00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,871 O'er vales and hills 442 00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:33,707 When all at once, I saw a crowd 443 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:38,045 A host of golden worker ants. 444 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:47,054 Thank you, thank you, mr. bradlaugh. 445 00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:48,488 Now, mr. bysshe... 446 00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:49,323 Shelley. 447 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,592 Oh! 448 00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:55,229 Is going to read one of his latest psalms 449 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:59,266 Entitled "ode to a crab." 450 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,869 Well, it's not about crabs, actually. 451 00:20:01,902 --> 00:20:03,637 It's called "ozymandias." 452 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:06,406 It's not an ode. 453 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,409 I met a traveler in an antique land 454 00:20:09,443 --> 00:20:12,579 Who said "six vast and trunkless legs of stone 455 00:20:12,613 --> 00:20:14,781 "stand in the desert. 456 00:20:14,815 --> 00:20:17,684 "and on the pedestal, these words appear-- 457 00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:21,054 "'my name is ozymandias, king of ants. 458 00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,457 "'look on my feelers, termites 459 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,859 "'and despair 460 00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:28,428 "'i am the biggest ant you'll ever see. 461 00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:32,933 "'the ants of old weren't half as bold 462 00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:37,137 And big and fierce as me.'" 463 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,378 Thank you. 464 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,880 Thank you, mr. amontillado. 465 00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:50,050 I'd like to ask one or two of you at the back 466 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,985 Not to soil the carpet. 467 00:20:52,019 --> 00:20:58,725 There is a restroom upstairs if you find the poems too exciting. 468 00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,561 Good afternoon. 469 00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:05,732 Next, mr. dennis keat will recite his latest problem 470 00:21:05,766 --> 00:21:09,937 "ode to a glass of sherry." 471 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,840 My heart aches 472 00:21:12,873 --> 00:21:15,843 And a drowsy numbness pains my senses 473 00:21:15,876 --> 00:21:18,579 As though an anteater I'd seen... 474 00:21:18,612 --> 00:21:20,347 A nasty long-nosed brute... 475 00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:22,616 With furry legs and sticky darting tongue. 476 00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:24,551 I seem to feel its cruel jaws 477 00:21:24,585 --> 00:21:26,753 Crunch! crunch! there go my legs 478 00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:28,589 Snap! snap! my thorax, too. 479 00:21:28,622 --> 00:21:31,458 My head's in a twain, there goes my brain 480 00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:33,126 Swallow, swallow... 481 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,661 It's true, don't you see? 482 00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:36,129 It's true. 483 00:21:36,163 --> 00:21:37,631 It happens, it happens. 484 00:21:37,664 --> 00:21:38,799 Please. 485 00:21:38,832 --> 00:21:40,234 Ladies and gentlemen 486 00:21:40,267 --> 00:21:42,436 I do apologize for that last... 487 00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,838 Well, I hesitate to call it a pram. 488 00:21:44,872 --> 00:21:46,707 But I had no idea. 489 00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,408 And talking of filth 490 00:21:48,442 --> 00:21:51,111 I have asked you once about the carpet. 491 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:52,813 Now, I do appreciate 492 00:21:52,846 --> 00:21:56,316 That last poem was very frightening, but please... 493 00:21:56,350 --> 00:22:00,320 Now, before we move on to tea and pramwiches 494 00:22:00,354 --> 00:22:03,824 I would like to ask arthur lord tenniscourt 495 00:22:03,857 --> 00:22:06,493 To give us his latest little plum 496 00:22:06,527 --> 00:22:09,930 Entitled "the charge of the ant brigade." 497 00:22:09,963 --> 00:22:13,000 Half an inch... 498 00:22:13,033 --> 00:22:14,334 Half an inch... 499 00:22:14,368 --> 00:22:18,038 The queen, the queen. 500 00:22:22,309 --> 00:22:25,612 My loyal subjects, we are here today 501 00:22:25,646 --> 00:22:28,515 On a matter of national import. 502 00:22:28,549 --> 00:22:32,052 My late husband and we are increasingly disturbed 503 00:22:32,085 --> 00:22:34,955 By recent developments in literary style 504 00:22:34,988 --> 00:22:38,792 Vich have taken place here in germany... er, england. 505 00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:41,795 There seems to be an increasing tendency for ze ent... 506 00:22:41,828 --> 00:22:44,798 The ent... the ant 507 00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:46,366 To become the dominant... 508 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,302 Was is der deutsches entwicklungsbund... 509 00:22:48,335 --> 00:22:49,403 Theme. 510 00:22:49,436 --> 00:22:50,971 Theme of modern poetry here in germany. 511 00:22:51,004 --> 00:22:53,640 We are not... amusiert? 512 00:22:53,674 --> 00:22:54,875 Entertained. 513 00:22:54,908 --> 00:22:56,210 Entertained. 514 00:22:56,243 --> 00:22:58,212 From now on, ants is verboten. 515 00:22:58,245 --> 00:23:01,315 Instead, it's skylarks, daffodils, nightingales 516 00:23:01,348 --> 00:23:04,484 Light brigades and... 517 00:23:04,518 --> 00:23:09,089 Was ist das shcreckliche gepong? 518 00:23:09,356 --> 00:23:12,159 Es schmecke wie ein scheisshaus 519 00:23:12,192 --> 00:23:13,727 Und so weiter. 520 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,262 Well, we must away now 521 00:23:15,295 --> 00:23:17,464 Or we shall be late for the races. 522 00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:21,168 God bless you, alles. 523 00:23:28,809 --> 00:23:33,380 Electric kettles over here, sir. 524 00:23:35,148 --> 00:23:36,350 Don't worry, sir. 525 00:23:36,383 --> 00:23:37,885 You're amongst friends now, sir. 526 00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:39,319 Mr. bradford, mr. crawley. 527 00:23:39,353 --> 00:23:41,221 These are our fitters, sir. 528 00:23:41,255 --> 00:23:44,224 We've had a lot of experience in this field 529 00:23:44,258 --> 00:23:45,959 And we do pride ourselves 530 00:23:45,993 --> 00:23:49,796 We offer the best and most discreet service available. 531 00:23:49,830 --> 00:23:50,964 I don't know 532 00:23:50,998 --> 00:23:52,499 Whether you believe this, sir 533 00:23:52,533 --> 00:23:54,301 But one of us is actually wearing 534 00:23:54,334 --> 00:23:57,471 A toupee at this moment. 535 00:23:57,504 --> 00:24:01,909 Well, you all are, aren't you? 536 00:24:02,342 --> 00:24:03,477 Have you got one? 537 00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:04,878 No, I thought you... 538 00:24:04,912 --> 00:24:06,079 I didn't know you two... 539 00:24:06,113 --> 00:24:07,781 I thought it was me. I thought it was me. 540 00:24:07,814 --> 00:24:08,949 So did i. 541 00:24:08,982 --> 00:24:11,618 That is good. 542 00:24:11,652 --> 00:24:13,153 Actually, I only came in here 543 00:24:13,187 --> 00:24:15,155 To ask where the manager's office was. 544 00:24:15,189 --> 00:24:16,223 Just a minute. 545 00:24:16,256 --> 00:24:17,758 Someone told you we all had toupees? 546 00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:18,759 No. 547 00:24:18,792 --> 00:24:19,760 Oh, yeah? 548 00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:20,961 How did you know? 549 00:24:20,994 --> 00:24:22,863 Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? 550 00:24:22,896 --> 00:24:24,665 What do you mean, obvious? 551 00:24:24,698 --> 00:24:26,667 His is undetectable. 552 00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:29,570 Well, it's a different color, for a start. 553 00:24:29,603 --> 00:24:30,737 Is it? 554 00:24:30,771 --> 00:24:32,005 Of course, it isn't. 555 00:24:32,039 --> 00:24:33,307 It doesn't fit in with the rest of his hair. 556 00:24:33,340 --> 00:24:34,408 It sort of sticks up in the middle. 557 00:24:34,441 --> 00:24:35,843 Well, it's better than yours. 558 00:24:35,876 --> 00:24:36,844 Yes. 559 00:24:36,877 --> 00:24:39,213 I'm not wearing one. 560 00:24:39,246 --> 00:24:40,714 Why did you come in here then? 561 00:24:40,747 --> 00:24:42,883 They told me to find the manager's office here. 562 00:24:42,916 --> 00:24:44,251 Oh, no, not again. 563 00:24:44,284 --> 00:24:46,353 That's a bit lame, isn't it? 564 00:24:46,386 --> 00:24:47,321 It's the truth. 565 00:24:47,354 --> 00:24:49,590 Manager's office? 566 00:24:49,623 --> 00:24:51,291 Where'd you get that, eh? 567 00:24:51,325 --> 00:24:52,593 Mac fisheries? 568 00:24:52,626 --> 00:24:53,760 Dreadful, isn't it? 569 00:24:53,794 --> 00:24:54,862 Nylon? 570 00:24:54,895 --> 00:24:56,597 It's not, it's real, look. 571 00:24:56,630 --> 00:24:59,566 Yeah, anyone can do that. 572 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:00,868 Come on, get it off. 573 00:25:00,901 --> 00:25:02,536 Look, do you want a proper one? 574 00:25:02,569 --> 00:25:03,604 No, I don't need one. 575 00:25:03,637 --> 00:25:05,205 There's no need to be ashamed. 576 00:25:05,239 --> 00:25:06,607 Look, we've all owned up. 577 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,075 I'm not wearing one. 578 00:25:08,108 --> 00:25:10,110 Don't you see, this is something 579 00:25:10,143 --> 00:25:12,212 You've got to come to terms with. 580 00:25:12,246 --> 00:25:13,447 I am not wearing a toupee. 581 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:14,948 They just told me to come in here 582 00:25:14,982 --> 00:25:17,484 To find the manager's office to complain about my ant. 583 00:25:17,518 --> 00:25:19,286 Complain about an ant? 584 00:25:19,319 --> 00:25:23,891 Look, this is for your own good. 585 00:25:25,826 --> 00:25:28,662 All right, take a seat. 586 00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:31,031 You see, it ought to have a safety catch. 587 00:25:31,064 --> 00:25:32,799 I mean... 588 00:25:32,833 --> 00:25:34,067 Ooh! 589 00:25:34,101 --> 00:25:36,336 I mean, what if this fell into the wrong hands? 590 00:25:36,370 --> 00:25:37,471 Yes, madam, I'll speak 591 00:25:37,504 --> 00:25:39,306 To the makers personally, all right? 592 00:25:39,339 --> 00:25:40,974 Oh, would you? 593 00:25:41,008 --> 00:25:45,312 It would put my mind at ease. 594 00:25:47,014 --> 00:25:48,749 Sorry, oh, sorry. 595 00:25:48,782 --> 00:25:50,717 Next. 596 00:25:50,751 --> 00:25:53,153 He's still molesting her. 597 00:25:53,187 --> 00:25:55,989 Yes, yes, I'll see you in a moment, sir. 598 00:25:56,023 --> 00:25:57,624 I've got a complaint to make. 599 00:25:57,658 --> 00:25:58,725 Ah, take a seat. 600 00:25:58,759 --> 00:25:59,993 I'm sorry it's on fire. 601 00:26:00,027 --> 00:26:01,061 Oh, not at all. 602 00:26:01,094 --> 00:26:02,329 I got used to this out east. 603 00:26:02,362 --> 00:26:04,198 Ah, where were you out east? 604 00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:07,000 Oh, norway, sweden, places like that. 605 00:26:07,034 --> 00:26:08,702 Oh, I'm terribly sorry. 606 00:26:08,735 --> 00:26:11,171 My suit seems to be catching fire. 607 00:26:11,205 --> 00:26:12,472 Extinguisher? 608 00:26:12,506 --> 00:26:13,674 Oh, no, thank you. 609 00:26:13,707 --> 00:26:15,843 I think we'd better let it run its course. 610 00:26:15,876 --> 00:26:17,110 I was just thinking 611 00:26:17,144 --> 00:26:18,879 Norway is not very east, is it? 612 00:26:18,912 --> 00:26:21,548 No, I should have said, "when I was out north." 613 00:26:21,582 --> 00:26:23,617 Yes, are there many fires in norway? 614 00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:25,018 Oh, good lord, yes. 615 00:26:25,052 --> 00:26:26,820 The place is a constant blaze. 616 00:26:26,854 --> 00:26:28,455 Wooden buildings, you know. 617 00:26:28,488 --> 00:26:29,790 Oh, yes. 618 00:26:29,823 --> 00:26:31,425 I lost my wife in norway. 619 00:26:31,458 --> 00:26:32,693 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 620 00:26:32,726 --> 00:26:33,694 Why, did you know her? 621 00:26:33,727 --> 00:26:35,095 No, no, I don't... 622 00:26:35,128 --> 00:26:36,930 No, she wasn't a favorite of mine. 623 00:26:36,964 --> 00:26:39,600 No, we were out strolling across a fjord one day 624 00:26:39,633 --> 00:26:42,769 When one of the local matadors came out of his tree house 625 00:26:42,803 --> 00:26:46,840 And flung a load of old scimitars and guillotines out 626 00:26:46,874 --> 00:26:48,909 That he'd got cluttering up his wine cellar 627 00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:51,311 And apparently, rather a large proportion of them 628 00:26:51,345 --> 00:26:52,546 Landed on my wife 629 00:26:52,579 --> 00:26:54,815 Causing her to snuff it without much more ado. 630 00:26:54,848 --> 00:26:55,816 Yes, yes. 631 00:26:55,849 --> 00:26:58,318 Well, look... 632 00:26:58,352 --> 00:27:00,687 Here is an important announcement 633 00:27:00,721 --> 00:27:02,055 about michael ellis. 634 00:27:02,089 --> 00:27:03,991 It is now the end of "michael ellis" week. 635 00:27:04,024 --> 00:27:06,093 From now on, it is "chris quinn" week. 636 00:27:06,126 --> 00:27:07,561 What a rotten ending. 637 00:27:07,594 --> 00:27:09,563 Well, it is one of our cheapest, sir. 638 00:27:09,596 --> 00:27:10,964 What else have you got? 639 00:27:10,998 --> 00:27:13,500 Well, there's the long, slow pullout, sir 640 00:27:13,534 --> 00:27:17,905 You know, the camera tracks back and back and mixes... 641 00:27:17,938 --> 00:27:18,972 No, no, no. 642 00:27:19,006 --> 00:27:20,574 Have you got anything more exciting? 643 00:27:20,607 --> 00:27:21,775 Well, how about a chase? 644 00:27:21,808 --> 00:27:24,778 There he is! 645 00:27:28,081 --> 00:27:29,750 Oh, no, no. 646 00:27:29,783 --> 00:27:31,151 Walking into the sunset? 647 00:27:31,185 --> 00:27:32,619 What's that one? 648 00:27:32,653 --> 00:27:35,522 You know, two lone figures silhouetted 649 00:27:35,556 --> 00:27:38,759 Against the dying rays of the setting sun. 650 00:27:38,792 --> 00:27:40,427 The music swells 651 00:27:40,460 --> 00:27:42,896 And you've got a lump in your throat 652 00:27:42,930 --> 00:27:44,531 And a tear in your eye. 653 00:27:44,565 --> 00:27:45,799 Oh, no. 654 00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:47,401 Pity, I rather like that one. 655 00:27:47,434 --> 00:27:49,169 No, they're all a bit off the point, you see. 656 00:27:49,203 --> 00:27:50,470 Well, there is one 657 00:27:50,504 --> 00:27:52,806 That ties up the whole michael ellis thing, but... 658 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:53,874 But what? 659 00:27:53,907 --> 00:27:55,142 Oh, no, nothing, nothing. 660 00:27:55,175 --> 00:27:56,176 Look, who is this michael ellis? 661 00:27:56,210 --> 00:27:57,845 How about a happy ending, sir? 662 00:27:57,878 --> 00:27:59,646 Chris, thank god you're safe. 663 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:01,648 No, you wouldn't want that, would you? 664 00:28:01,682 --> 00:28:03,317 Why wouldn't I want that? 665 00:28:03,350 --> 00:28:05,085 What about summing up from the panel? 666 00:28:05,118 --> 00:28:06,253 That's cheap. 667 00:28:06,286 --> 00:28:07,254 What? 668 00:28:07,287 --> 00:28:08,789 You know, the big match experts. 669 00:28:08,822 --> 00:28:12,459 Yes, that was quite a good show, you know. 670 00:28:12,492 --> 00:28:14,728 I think that the michael ellis character 671 00:28:14,761 --> 00:28:16,296 Was a little overdone. 672 00:28:16,330 --> 00:28:19,233 Well, I don't agree with that, malcolm. 673 00:28:19,266 --> 00:28:22,269 Quite frankly, the only bit I liked was 674 00:28:22,302 --> 00:28:24,338 This bit with me in it now. 675 00:28:24,371 --> 00:28:26,740 No? slow fade? 676 00:28:26,773 --> 00:28:28,876 Nnn... no. 677 00:28:28,909 --> 00:28:33,480 Well, how about a sudden ending?