1 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,807 There now follows a party political broadcast 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,074 On behalf of the liberal party. 3 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,043 Pratt, back to pratt. 4 00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:11,012 Pratt again, a long ball out to pratt 5 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,713 and now pratt is on the ball... 6 00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:15,950 a neat little flick back inside to pratt, who takes it nicely 7 00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:18,419 and sends it through on the far side to pratt. 8 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,756 Pratt with it but passes instead to pratt, pratt again... 9 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:23,191 Oh, and well intercepted 10 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:26,127 by the swarthy little number nine concito maracon. 11 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,461 This 21-year-old halfback 12 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,764 remarkably stocky for six foot, three inches 13 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:33,167 square shouldered, balding giant, hair flowing in the wind 14 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,303 bright-eyed, pert, young for his age 15 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,904 but oh-so-old in so many ways. 16 00:00:36,938 --> 00:00:39,540 For a 39-year-old you wouldn't expect such speed. 17 00:00:39,574 --> 00:00:42,510 Normally considered slow... 18 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,346 sweeping up and taking the defense to the cleaners. 19 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,416 Who would have thought, though many expected it 20 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,984 this remarkable 45-year-old 21 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,019 nine foot, four inches dwarf of a man 22 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,721 who is still only 17 in some parts of the world 23 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,056 would ever really be... 24 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,424 oh, and there was a goal there apparently... 25 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,493 and now it's pratt, back to pratt... 26 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:03,898 Pratt again... a long ball out to pratt... 27 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,568 I really like this ano-wheat. 28 00:01:07,602 --> 00:01:10,705 It really unclogs me. 29 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,073 Oh, do be careful! 30 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,441 Sorry, mum. 31 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:14,509 I mean, a lot of the others 32 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,643 Say they unclog you 33 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,479 But I never had a single bowel movement 34 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,248 With them "recto-puffs." 35 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,482 Now, if we... 36 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:23,284 Oh, sorry, mum. 37 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,352 If we lived in rhodesia 38 00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,353 There'd be someone 39 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:26,521 To mop that up for you. 40 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,823 Don't be so bleedin' stupid. 41 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,625 If you lived in bleedin' rhodesia 42 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:33,995 You'd be out at bleedin' fascist rallies every bleedin' day. 43 00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:36,397 You're a bleedin' racist, you bleedin' are! 44 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,632 Language! 45 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,867 Well, he gets on my sodding wick. 46 00:01:39,901 --> 00:01:41,068 That's better. 47 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,470 No, the stuff I liked was 48 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,438 That stuff they gave you before the war 49 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:45,807 What was it?-- 50 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,708 Wilkinson's number eight laxative cereal. 51 00:01:47,742 --> 00:01:49,110 Whew, that one went through you 52 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,412 Like a bloody ferrari. 53 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,514 Now, who's that at this time of day? 54 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,183 If it's the man to empty the elsan 55 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,450 Tell him it's in the hall. 56 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,585 Right, dear. 57 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,320 And make sure that you hold it 58 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:00,321 The right way up. 59 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,389 Dad? 60 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,456 Yeah? 61 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,491 No, no, my dad. 62 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,760 Oh. 63 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,896 Dad, why is rhodesia called rhodesia? 64 00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:09,964 Oh, sorry, dad. 65 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,699 No, no, thank you very much. 66 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,267 No, I'm sorry. 67 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,036 Thank you very much, indeed. 68 00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:16,637 No, thank you for calling. 69 00:02:16,671 --> 00:02:17,972 Not today, thank you. 70 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,607 Good morning. 71 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,042 Who was that? 72 00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:23,845 The liberal party candidate, darling. 73 00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:25,446 What have you done now? 74 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,447 Sorry, mum. 75 00:02:26,481 --> 00:02:27,815 I was just washing up. 76 00:02:27,849 --> 00:02:31,118 Go and sit down! 77 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,920 Mum... 78 00:02:32,954 --> 00:02:35,456 Mum, do you know 79 00:02:35,490 --> 00:02:38,092 Why rhodesia's called rhodesia? 80 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,994 Do you remember "go-eazi"? 81 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,562 They were hopeless... 82 00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:42,630 Little black pellets 83 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,998 Tasted foul 84 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,800 And they stuck inside you 85 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,568 Like flooring adhesive. 86 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,403 Well, I'm off! 87 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:50,671 What time are you coming back tonight? 88 00:02:50,705 --> 00:02:51,639 3:00 a.m.! 89 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:52,874 I think it's disgusting 90 00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:55,710 You a member of parliament. 91 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,778 Last night I heard you snogging away. 92 00:02:57,812 --> 00:02:59,881 We was not snogging! 93 00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:02,016 Sure... sounded like snogging to me. 94 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:05,353 I could hear his great wet, slobbering lips going at you 95 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,054 And his hand going... 96 00:03:07,088 --> 00:03:08,055 Dad! 97 00:03:08,089 --> 00:03:09,056 Yeah? 98 00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:10,057 No, not you. 99 00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:11,058 Oh. 100 00:03:11,092 --> 00:03:14,996 Just mind your language. 101 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,731 Oh, sorry, mum. 102 00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,332 I've run out of beans! 103 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:19,767 We was talking! 104 00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:21,936 We was not snogging! 105 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,305 Talking about snogging, I'll bet. 106 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,773 If you must know 107 00:03:25,807 --> 00:03:28,009 We was talking about council re-housing! 108 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,911 Would it mean going to live in hollywood? 109 00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:32,613 I've run out of beans! 110 00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,582 Where to re-house his right hand-- 111 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,517 That's all he was interested in! 112 00:03:36,551 --> 00:03:39,120 And has faye dunaway definitely said yes? 113 00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:42,056 He is the chairman of the housing subcommittee. 114 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,158 Snogging subcommittee, more like. 115 00:03:44,192 --> 00:03:46,427 Ralph, do answer that door, will you? 116 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,196 Beans! 117 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:49,897 Shut up!! 118 00:03:49,931 --> 00:03:50,965 Yes, mum. 119 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,034 If it's the man from probbo-rib 120 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,702 Tell him it's in the bed. 121 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,538 All right. 122 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,007 Sorry, mum. 123 00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:02,910 Postmaaaan! 124 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,654 Well, a very good try there by the garibaldi family 125 00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,556 Of droitwich in worcestershire. 126 00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:17,325 Professor? 127 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,893 Well, I can't make up my mind 128 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:19,861 About this family. 129 00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:21,128 I don't think there was 130 00:04:21,162 --> 00:04:23,498 The sustained awfulness that we really need. 131 00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:25,466 I mean, the father was appalling... 132 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,301 Appalling, yes. 133 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,504 He was dirty, smelly and distasteful 134 00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:33,307 And I liked him very much, but... 135 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,308 Lady organs? 136 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,610 Well, they were 137 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,111 An unpleasant family, certainly 138 00:04:37,145 --> 00:04:38,246 But I don't think we had 139 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,814 Any of the really gross awfulness 140 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:40,982 We're looking for. 141 00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:42,450 Well, harsh words there 142 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:45,686 For the garibaldi family of droitwich in worcestershire 143 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,457 At present holders of the east midlands most-awful-family award 144 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,092 Lower middle-class section 145 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:55,663 But unable today to score more than 15 on our disgustometer. 146 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,366 Well, with the scores all in from the judges 147 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:02,003 The garibaldis are number three and a surprise at number two: 148 00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:06,908 The fanshaw-chumleighs of berkshire. 149 00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:27,061 Well, some of the wonderful behavior 150 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,330 That made the fanshaw-chumleighs 151 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,500 The second-most-awful family in britain, 1974. 152 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,870 But the winners, by a clear ten-point margin 153 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:39,440 Once again, the awful jodrell family of durham. 154 00:05:39,474 --> 00:05:41,843 Unfortunately, we're not allowed to show you 155 00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:44,378 Some of the performance that won them the award 156 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:47,248 But I assure you it was of the very highest standard 157 00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:48,015 Was it not, lady organs? 158 00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:49,617 Oh, yes, superb. 159 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,952 I mean, mr. jodrell-- 160 00:05:50,985 --> 00:05:53,020 You know, the old grandfather who licks the... 161 00:05:53,054 --> 00:05:54,355 Yes, yes... 162 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,957 He's superb. 163 00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:58,459 His gobbing is consistent and accurate. 164 00:05:58,493 --> 00:06:00,995 His son is a dirty, foul little creature 165 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,598 And those frightful scabs which mrs. jodrell... 166 00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:05,132 Well, thank you very much, lady organs 167 00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:07,168 And from all of us, well done to the jodrells 168 00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,036 And to all of you, not forgetting those of you 169 00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:10,304 Who may be halfway in between 170 00:06:10,338 --> 00:06:11,973 Without whom, of course and not forgetting 171 00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:13,941 Who made it all possible when, and we'll be back 172 00:06:13,975 --> 00:06:15,643 Until then, and so it's good night from me 173 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:17,345 And here's wishing you a safe journey home. 174 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:18,779 Thank you for watching this show. 175 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,248 Don't forget it was all great fun, I enjoyed it 176 00:06:20,281 --> 00:06:22,450 And I hope you watching at home 177 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:25,086 Have enjoyed it too. 178 00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:27,822 The jodrells win every bloody year. 179 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,190 Makes you vomit! 180 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:30,258 Dad? 181 00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:31,359 Yes? 182 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,928 Get your stinking feet off the bread. 183 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,664 I'm only wiping the cat's do's off! 184 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:37,398 Mum? 185 00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,534 Shut your gob, douglas. 186 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,402 I want more corn plasters! 187 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:45,740 Shut up and eat what you got! 188 00:06:46,374 --> 00:06:48,976 Some fat bastard at the door! 189 00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:51,646 Shut up! 190 00:06:51,813 --> 00:06:55,716 A strong hive of bees contains approximately 75,000 bees. 191 00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,786 Each honeybee must make 154 trips to collect 192 00:06:58,820 --> 00:07:00,488 One teaspoonful of honey. 193 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,622 Hello, sir. 194 00:07:01,656 --> 00:07:03,224 What do you want? 195 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,659 Would you like to buy some of our honey, sir? 196 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:05,960 What are you doing in here? 197 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,061 Which would you like-- 198 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,629 The californian orange blossom 199 00:07:08,663 --> 00:07:10,064 The mexican, the new zealand 200 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,299 Or the scottish heather? 201 00:07:11,332 --> 00:07:12,700 He can't eat honey. 202 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,402 It makes him go plop-plops! 203 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,637 Come on, please try some. 204 00:07:16,671 --> 00:07:17,839 All right, I'll have 205 00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:19,106 Some icelandic honey. 206 00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,341 No, there is no such thing. 207 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,543 You mean you don't make any honey at all? 208 00:07:22,577 --> 00:07:25,780 No, no, we must import it all, every bally drop. 209 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,415 We are a gloomy people. 210 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,917 It's so crikey cold and dark up there 211 00:07:29,951 --> 00:07:31,919 And there's only fish to eat. 212 00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:33,621 Fish and imported honey. 213 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:34,956 Oh, strewth! 214 00:07:34,989 --> 00:07:37,258 Well, why do you have a week? 215 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,125 Listen, buster! 216 00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:39,460 In reykjavik it is dark 217 00:07:39,494 --> 00:07:41,062 For eight months of the year 218 00:07:41,095 --> 00:07:42,196 And it's cold enough 219 00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:43,631 To freeze your wrists off 220 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,633 And there's only golly fish to eat. 221 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,969 Administrative errors are bound to occur 222 00:07:48,002 --> 00:07:49,270 In enormous quantities. 223 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,037 Look at this. 224 00:07:50,071 --> 00:07:51,205 It's all a mistake. 225 00:07:51,239 --> 00:07:53,774 It's a real pain in the sphincter! 226 00:07:53,808 --> 00:07:56,144 Icelandic honey week? my life! 227 00:07:56,177 --> 00:07:57,778 Well, why do you come in here 228 00:07:57,812 --> 00:07:59,547 Trying to flog the stuff, then? 229 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,983 Listen, cowboy, I got a job to do. 230 00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:03,985 It's a stupid, pointless job 231 00:08:04,018 --> 00:08:05,686 But at least it keeps me 232 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,788 Away from iceland, all right? 233 00:08:07,822 --> 00:08:12,393 The leg of the worker bee has... 234 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,484 Well, mr. cotton, you have 235 00:09:09,517 --> 00:09:11,419 What we in the medical profession call 236 00:09:11,452 --> 00:09:12,353 A naughty complaint. 237 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,921 Now, my advice to you is 238 00:09:13,955 --> 00:09:16,324 To put this paper bag over your head-- 239 00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:18,759 It's got little holes there, you see 240 00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:20,761 Little holes for your eyes-- 241 00:09:20,795 --> 00:09:23,464 And to ring this bell and to take this card 242 00:09:23,498 --> 00:09:25,266 Along to your hospital, okay? 243 00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:28,336 And I shall inform all your relatives and friends 244 00:09:28,369 --> 00:09:31,439 And anyone else that I happen to bump into, okay? 245 00:09:31,472 --> 00:09:33,574 Cash, wasn't it? 246 00:09:33,608 --> 00:09:36,978 Thank you very much. 247 00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:39,647 Get out. 248 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,185 Dirty little man. 249 00:09:44,218 --> 00:09:46,387 Hippocratic oath, hippocratic... 250 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,588 Oh, it's not in there. 251 00:09:47,622 --> 00:09:48,723 Jolly good. 252 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:52,193 Very useful. next! 253 00:09:54,562 --> 00:09:57,064 Ah, yes, you must be mr. williams. 254 00:09:57,098 --> 00:09:58,733 Well, do take a seat. 255 00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:00,868 What seems to be the trouble? 256 00:10:00,902 --> 00:10:03,671 I've just been stabbed by your nurse! 257 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,872 Oh, dear, yes, well... 258 00:10:04,906 --> 00:10:07,108 I'd probably better have a look at you then. 259 00:10:07,141 --> 00:10:08,876 Could you fill in this form first? 260 00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:11,179 She just stabbed me. 261 00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:12,814 Yes, she's an unpredictable sort. 262 00:10:12,847 --> 00:10:14,949 Look, you seem to be bleeding rather badly. 263 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,585 I think you'd better hurry up and fill in that form. 264 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,453 Couldn't I fill it in later, doctor? 265 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:22,323 No, no, you'll have bled to death by then. 266 00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:23,658 Can you hold a pen? 267 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,859 I'll try. 268 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,561 Yes, jolly good. 269 00:10:26,594 --> 00:10:28,196 It's a hell of a nuisance 270 00:10:28,229 --> 00:10:29,897 All this damn paperwork. 271 00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:31,032 Really, it is. 272 00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,734 It's a real nightmare, this paperwork. 273 00:10:33,768 --> 00:10:36,137 It really is a hell of a nuisance. 274 00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:37,939 Something ought to be done about it. 275 00:10:37,972 --> 00:10:38,940 Do I have to answer 276 00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,274 All the questions, doctor? 277 00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:41,909 No, no, no, just... 278 00:10:41,943 --> 00:10:44,612 Just fill in as many as you can. 279 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:47,615 No need to go into too much detail, you know. 280 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:50,918 I don't know why we bother with it all, really 281 00:10:50,952 --> 00:10:52,520 It's such a nuisance. 282 00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:54,755 Well, let's see how you've done, then. 283 00:10:54,789 --> 00:10:56,491 Oh, yes. 284 00:10:56,524 --> 00:10:57,692 Oh, dear, oh, dear 285 00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,560 That's not very good, is it? 286 00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:01,762 Look, surely you knew number four! 287 00:11:01,796 --> 00:11:02,997 No... 288 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,232 It's from the merchant of venice. 289 00:11:04,265 --> 00:11:05,233 Even I knew that! 290 00:11:05,266 --> 00:11:07,168 It's going on the carpet, doctor. 291 00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:08,836 Oh, don't worry about that! 292 00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:10,505 Look at this-- number six-- 293 00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:12,406 It's the treaty of versailles! 294 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,774 Didn't you know that? 295 00:11:13,808 --> 00:11:15,009 Oh, my god. 296 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:18,646 And number nine-- emerson fittipaldi! 297 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,716 Virginia wade? you must be mad! 298 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:22,717 Oh, doctor... 299 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,118 I've just shot another patient. 300 00:11:24,152 --> 00:11:26,087 I don't think there's any point in your seeing him. 301 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,221 You didn't kill him, did you? 302 00:11:27,255 --> 00:11:28,523 Afraid so. 303 00:11:28,556 --> 00:11:30,158 You mustn't kill them, nurse. 304 00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:31,325 Oh, I'm sorry, doctor. 305 00:11:31,359 --> 00:11:33,261 It was just on the spur of the moment. 306 00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:34,428 Rather silly, really. 307 00:11:34,462 --> 00:11:37,765 I'm sorry about the carpet, doctor. 308 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:41,035 Mr. williams, I'm afraid I can't give you any marks 309 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,704 So I won't be able to recommend you for hospital. 310 00:11:43,738 --> 00:11:46,607 I tell you what, I'll stop the bleeding 311 00:11:46,641 --> 00:11:48,209 But strictly speaking 312 00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:49,977 I shouldn't even do that 313 00:11:50,011 --> 00:11:51,512 On marks like these. 314 00:11:51,546 --> 00:11:53,981 There are no more patients now, doctor. 315 00:11:54,015 --> 00:11:55,983 Oh, well, let's go for lunch, then. 316 00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:57,251 What about... er... 317 00:11:57,285 --> 00:11:58,753 Ah, yes, look, mr. williams 318 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:01,122 We're just popping out for a bite of lunch 319 00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:03,457 While we've got a spare moment, you know. 320 00:12:03,491 --> 00:12:05,426 Look, have another bash at the form 321 00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:07,128 And if at least you can answer 322 00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,063 The questions on history all right 323 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,131 Then we may be able 324 00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,566 To give you some morphine 325 00:12:11,599 --> 00:12:13,234 Or something like that, okay? 326 00:12:13,267 --> 00:12:15,403 Thank you, doctor, thank you. 327 00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:17,738 Dear sir, I wish to protest 328 00:12:17,772 --> 00:12:20,475 In the strongest possible terms. 329 00:12:20,508 --> 00:12:21,742 Yours sincerely 330 00:12:21,776 --> 00:12:24,779 Brigadier n.f. marwood-git [retired]. 331 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,448 Read that back, will you, brian? 332 00:12:27,482 --> 00:12:29,884 "and when he had built up cedron 333 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,219 "he sent horsemen there 334 00:12:31,252 --> 00:12:33,187 "and an host of footmen to the end 335 00:12:33,221 --> 00:12:35,656 "that issuing out they might make outroads 336 00:12:35,690 --> 00:12:38,693 Upon the ways of judea as the king commanded them." 337 00:12:38,726 --> 00:12:39,927 Good! 338 00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:41,929 Pop it in an envelope and bung it off! 339 00:12:41,963 --> 00:12:43,898 It's no good bottling things up, brian. 340 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,933 If you feel them you must just say them 341 00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:47,101 Or you'll just go mad. 342 00:12:47,135 --> 00:12:48,102 Oh, yes, indeed. 343 00:12:48,136 --> 00:12:49,770 As the book of maccabee said 344 00:12:49,804 --> 00:12:51,973 "yea, as the flea is like unto an oxen 345 00:12:52,006 --> 00:12:54,609 "so is the privet hedge liken unto a botanist 346 00:12:54,642 --> 00:12:56,310 Black in thy sight, o lord." 347 00:12:56,344 --> 00:12:58,012 Quite. 348 00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:00,214 Look, why don't you just nip out for lunch, brian? 349 00:13:00,248 --> 00:13:01,516 Yea, as raymond chandler said 350 00:13:01,549 --> 00:13:02,717 "it was one of those days 351 00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:04,552 "when los angeles felt 352 00:13:04,585 --> 00:13:05,753 Like a rock-hard fig." 353 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:09,090 Brian, let's stop this pretending, shall we? 354 00:13:09,123 --> 00:13:10,591 Yea, as dirk bogarde said 355 00:13:10,625 --> 00:13:11,993 In his autobiography... 356 00:13:12,026 --> 00:13:13,327 Brian! 357 00:13:13,361 --> 00:13:15,796 Let's stop all this futile pretense. 358 00:13:15,830 --> 00:13:17,331 I've... 359 00:13:17,365 --> 00:13:20,535 I've always been moderately fond of you. 360 00:13:20,568 --> 00:13:23,104 Well, to be quite frank, brigadier 361 00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:24,972 One can't walk so closely 362 00:13:25,006 --> 00:13:27,942 With a chap like you for... for so long 363 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,578 Without feeling something 364 00:13:30,611 --> 00:13:32,346 Deep down inside 365 00:13:32,380 --> 00:13:34,549 Even if it isn't anything... 366 00:13:34,582 --> 00:13:37,451 Anything very much. 367 00:13:37,485 --> 00:13:41,255 Well, splendid, brian. 368 00:13:42,924 --> 00:13:44,492 Well, I don't suppose 369 00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:46,828 There's much we can do, really. 370 00:13:46,861 --> 00:13:50,631 Not on television, no. 371 00:13:51,065 --> 00:13:53,301 No. 372 00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:54,535 They, uh... 373 00:13:54,569 --> 00:13:56,737 They are a lot more permissive these days 374 00:13:56,771 --> 00:13:57,939 Than they used to be. 375 00:13:57,972 --> 00:14:02,143 Ah, yes, but not with this sort of thing. 376 00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:03,911 No. 377 00:14:03,945 --> 00:14:06,113 I suppose they've... 378 00:14:06,147 --> 00:14:10,117 Got to draw the line somewhere. 379 00:14:10,151 --> 00:14:12,487 Yes. 380 00:14:12,954 --> 00:14:15,289 Yes. 381 00:14:17,492 --> 00:14:19,594 Well, take a letter, brian. 382 00:14:19,627 --> 00:14:24,031 Dear sir, I wish to protest... 383 00:14:51,259 --> 00:14:53,594 Ooh! 384 00:14:55,096 --> 00:14:57,431 Hmm? 385 00:15:05,807 --> 00:15:08,042 Oh. 386 00:15:09,143 --> 00:15:10,878 Ho-oh! 387 00:15:10,912 --> 00:15:13,481 Oh, oh. 388 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,730 Hmm? 389 00:16:03,998 --> 00:16:06,868 Mmm... mmm? 390 00:16:19,947 --> 00:16:23,551 There now follows... 391 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,922 Hello. 392 00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:31,692 I'd like to talk to you tonight about a minority group of people 393 00:16:31,726 --> 00:16:34,028 Who have no mental or physical handicaps 394 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,497 And who, through no fault of their own 395 00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:38,132 Have never been deprived 396 00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:42,303 And consequently are forced to live in conditions 397 00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,905 Of extreme luxury. 398 00:16:43,938 --> 00:16:45,840 This often-ignored minority 399 00:16:45,873 --> 00:16:50,244 Is very rarely brought to the attention of the general public. 400 00:16:50,278 --> 00:16:54,615 The average man in the street scarcely gives a second thought 401 00:16:54,649 --> 00:16:57,084 To these extremely well-off people. 402 00:16:57,118 --> 00:17:00,688 He quite simply fails to appreciate the pressures 403 00:17:00,721 --> 00:17:04,258 That vast quantities of money just do not bring. 404 00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:10,198 Have you at home ever had to cope with this problem? 405 00:17:10,231 --> 00:17:12,867 Or this? 406 00:17:14,969 --> 00:17:16,737 I know it's only human to say 407 00:17:16,771 --> 00:17:18,840 "oh, this will never happen to me" 408 00:17:18,873 --> 00:17:21,008 And of course, it won't. 409 00:17:21,042 --> 00:17:23,644 So I'm asking you, please, please 410 00:17:23,678 --> 00:17:28,850 send no contributions, however large, to me. 411 00:17:28,883 --> 00:17:31,085 There now follows a party political broadcast... 412 00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:34,622 All right, I'll go. 413 00:17:35,623 --> 00:17:39,627 Everything goes up, everything goes down 414 00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:41,329 Fish, bananas... 415 00:17:41,362 --> 00:17:42,430 Hello, madam. 416 00:17:42,463 --> 00:17:44,131 Oh, hello, you must have come about... 417 00:17:44,165 --> 00:17:45,533 Finishing the sentences, yes. 418 00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:47,335 Oh, well, perhaps you'd like to... 419 00:17:47,368 --> 00:17:49,137 Come through this way, certainly. 420 00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:50,771 Oh, nice place you've got here. 421 00:17:50,805 --> 00:17:52,039 Yes, well, we, uh... 422 00:17:52,073 --> 00:17:53,474 Like it. 423 00:17:53,508 --> 00:17:54,575 Yes, we certainly... 424 00:17:54,609 --> 00:17:55,576 Do, good. 425 00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:57,111 Now, when did you first start... 426 00:17:57,145 --> 00:17:58,613 Finding it difficult... 427 00:17:58,646 --> 00:18:00,047 To finish sentences, yes. 428 00:18:00,081 --> 00:18:01,282 Well, it's not me, it's my... 429 00:18:01,315 --> 00:18:01,816 Husband? 430 00:18:01,849 --> 00:18:02,683 Yes, he... 431 00:18:02,717 --> 00:18:03,518 Never lets you finish 432 00:18:03,551 --> 00:18:04,352 What you've started? 433 00:18:04,385 --> 00:18:05,653 Quite, I'm beginning to feel... 434 00:18:05,686 --> 00:18:07,655 You'll never finish a sentence again as long as you live? 435 00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:08,222 Exact-- 436 00:18:08,256 --> 00:18:09,757 --ly-- it must be awful. 437 00:18:09,790 --> 00:18:10,791 It's driving me... 438 00:18:10,825 --> 00:18:11,526 To drink. 439 00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:12,026 No, rou-- 440 00:18:12,059 --> 00:18:12,660 --nd the be-- 441 00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:13,094 --en-- 442 00:18:13,127 --> 00:18:13,628 --d. 443 00:18:13,661 --> 00:18:14,896 Yes. 444 00:18:14,929 --> 00:18:16,030 May i... 445 00:18:16,063 --> 00:18:17,064 Take a seat. 446 00:18:17,098 --> 00:18:18,199 Thank you. 447 00:18:18,232 --> 00:18:19,500 You see, our method 448 00:18:19,534 --> 00:18:22,904 Is to reassure the patient by re-creating normal... 449 00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:24,172 Conditions. 450 00:18:24,205 --> 00:18:26,507 Yes, then we try and get them into a position 451 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:27,875 Where they suddenly find 452 00:18:27,909 --> 00:18:30,611 That they're completing other people's sentences... 453 00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:32,346 Themselves. 454 00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:33,948 Spot on, mrs... 455 00:18:33,981 --> 00:18:35,316 Smith. 456 00:18:35,349 --> 00:18:37,685 Good, well, try not to overdo it to... 457 00:18:37,718 --> 00:18:38,519 Begin with. 458 00:18:38,553 --> 00:18:39,487 Keep it to one or two... 459 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:40,588 Words... 460 00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,557 To start off with, otherwise you may find... 461 00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:43,858 I'm taking on too long a sentence 462 00:18:43,891 --> 00:18:44,892 And getting completely... 463 00:18:44,926 --> 00:18:46,327 Stuck. 464 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,930 Good, yes, well, that's about it... 465 00:18:48,963 --> 00:18:49,997 For now, so... 466 00:18:50,031 --> 00:18:51,532 Thanks very much for calling. 467 00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:52,567 Oh, not at all. 468 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:53,568 And... 469 00:18:53,601 --> 00:18:54,769 I'd just like to say... 470 00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:56,504 Thank you very much for coming along. 471 00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:57,538 Not at all. 472 00:18:57,572 --> 00:18:58,606 And good... 473 00:18:58,639 --> 00:18:59,607 Bye, mr... 474 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,708 Vernon. 475 00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:01,776 Carl! 476 00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:03,144 Yes, dear? 477 00:19:03,177 --> 00:19:05,446 I've just had another baby. 478 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,315 Oh, no. how many is that now? 479 00:19:07,348 --> 00:19:09,350 Uh, 12 since lunch. 480 00:19:09,383 --> 00:19:13,287 Oh! there's another one. 481 00:20:14,115 --> 00:20:19,120 This is stonehenge, and it's from here we go to africa. 482 00:20:19,153 --> 00:20:23,057 Well, here it is at last, the goal of our quest. 483 00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:26,861 After six months and three days, we've finally caught up 484 00:20:26,894 --> 00:20:29,730 With the legendary walking tree of dahomey-- 485 00:20:29,764 --> 00:20:31,966 Quercus nicholas parsonsus-- 486 00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:36,237 Resting here for a moment on its long journey south. 487 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:38,606 It's almost incredible, isn't it 488 00:20:38,639 --> 00:20:42,844 To think that this huge tree has walked over 2,000 miles 489 00:20:42,877 --> 00:20:46,247 Across this inhospitable terrain to stop here 490 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,349 Maybe just to take in water 491 00:20:48,382 --> 00:20:52,553 Before the 2,000 miles on to cape town where it lives. 492 00:20:52,587 --> 00:20:55,022 It's almost unimaginable, I find 493 00:20:55,056 --> 00:20:59,594 The thought of this mighty tree strolling through nigeria; 494 00:20:59,627 --> 00:21:01,095 Perhaps swaggering a little 495 00:21:01,128 --> 00:21:03,097 As it crosses the border into zaire; 496 00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:05,366 Hopping through the tropical rain forest 497 00:21:05,399 --> 00:21:07,001 Trying to find a quiet grove 498 00:21:07,034 --> 00:21:09,070 Where it can jump around on its own; 499 00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:14,275 Sprinting up to zambia for the afternoon, then nipping back... 500 00:21:14,308 --> 00:21:16,477 Oh, super. 501 00:21:16,511 --> 00:21:20,882 Well, I've just been told that this is not in fact 502 00:21:20,915 --> 00:21:24,218 The legendary walking tree of dahomey. 503 00:21:24,252 --> 00:21:29,557 This is one of africa's many stationary trees 504 00:21:29,590 --> 00:21:32,160 Arborus bamber gascoignus. 505 00:21:32,193 --> 00:21:35,229 In fact, we've just missed the walking tree. 506 00:21:35,263 --> 00:21:37,598 It left here at 8:00 this morning. 507 00:21:37,632 --> 00:21:40,101 It was heading off in that direction 508 00:21:40,134 --> 00:21:43,437 So we'll just see if we can go and catch it up. 509 00:21:43,471 --> 00:21:46,607 Come on, boys. 510 00:21:51,479 --> 00:21:53,514 Well, we're still keeping up with it 511 00:21:53,548 --> 00:21:55,449 But it's setting a furious pace. 512 00:21:55,483 --> 00:21:57,952 Early this morning, we thought we'd spotted it 513 00:21:57,985 --> 00:22:00,721 But it turned out to be an angolan sauntering tree-- 514 00:22:00,755 --> 00:22:02,056 Amazellus robin ray-- 515 00:22:02,089 --> 00:22:04,625 Out walking with a gambian sidling bush. 516 00:22:04,659 --> 00:22:05,660 So, on we go. 517 00:22:05,693 --> 00:22:07,461 It's going to be difficult. 518 00:22:07,495 --> 00:22:11,332 A walking tree can achieve speeds of up to 50 miles an hour 519 00:22:11,365 --> 00:22:15,403 Especially when it's in a hurry. 520 00:22:15,436 --> 00:22:16,604 Super. 521 00:22:16,637 --> 00:22:19,073 Well, rupert has spotted something. 522 00:22:19,106 --> 00:22:24,779 This could be it-- a walking tree on the move. 523 00:22:25,913 --> 00:22:27,849 But what rupert had in fact discovered 524 00:22:27,882 --> 00:22:31,853 Was something very different... 525 00:22:31,886 --> 00:22:34,622 The turkish little rude plant. 526 00:22:34,655 --> 00:22:38,326 This remarkably smutty piece of flora was used by the turks 527 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,863 To ram up each others'... 528 00:22:41,896 --> 00:22:43,698 Ah, no! 529 00:22:43,731 --> 00:22:48,302 In fact, it was something even more interesting. 530 00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:51,472 Yes, there it was, over the other side of the clearing-- 531 00:22:51,506 --> 00:22:53,941 The legendary puking tree of mozambique. 532 00:22:53,975 --> 00:22:56,644 No, what they'd come across was a tribe lost to man 533 00:22:56,677 --> 00:22:57,879 Since time immemorial-- 534 00:22:57,912 --> 00:23:00,148 The legendary batsmen of the kalahari. 535 00:23:00,181 --> 00:23:02,483 Primitive customs still survive here 536 00:23:02,517 --> 00:23:05,286 As if the march of time had passed them by. 537 00:23:05,319 --> 00:23:07,488 But for all the mumbo jumbo and superstition 538 00:23:07,522 --> 00:23:10,091 The batsmen of the kalahari are formidable fighters 539 00:23:10,124 --> 00:23:12,760 As we can see in this rare footage of them in action 540 00:23:12,793 --> 00:23:14,295 Against warwickshire. 541 00:23:14,328 --> 00:23:17,665 Warwickshire had dismissed the kalahari batsmen for 140 542 00:23:17,698 --> 00:23:19,300 But then it was their turn 543 00:23:19,333 --> 00:23:21,936 To face this extraordinary kalahari attack. 544 00:23:21,969 --> 00:23:25,439 Pratt was the first to go, but pratt and pratt put on 545 00:23:25,473 --> 00:23:27,542 A second wicket stand of naught 546 00:23:27,575 --> 00:23:33,748 Which was broken by odinga in his most hostile mood. 547 00:23:41,823 --> 00:23:44,158 That's b. pratt, hit wicket-- naught. 548 00:23:44,192 --> 00:23:46,494 But pratt and z. pratt dug in 549 00:23:46,527 --> 00:23:52,834 And took the score to a half before z. pratt ran away. 550 00:23:55,736 --> 00:24:00,708 But out came m.j.k. pratt to play a real captain's innings. 551 00:24:00,741 --> 00:24:03,077 He'd taken his own score up to naught 552 00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:09,016 When he mistimed a shot of bowanga and was l.b.w. 553 00:24:13,354 --> 00:24:16,190 Typical of umbonga's hostile opening spell 554 00:24:16,224 --> 00:24:18,392 Was his dismissal of v.e. pratt 555 00:24:18,426 --> 00:24:24,031 Who offered no resistance to this delivery... 556 00:24:24,499 --> 00:24:27,835 And he was caught behind. 557 00:24:27,869 --> 00:24:34,108 But by lunch, the situation had changed dramatically. 558 00:25:08,743 --> 00:25:10,378 And so, with the tension colossal 559 00:25:10,411 --> 00:25:12,046 As we come up to the last ball... 560 00:25:12,079 --> 00:25:15,583 That's all from us. 561 00:26:36,297 --> 00:26:38,332 Good evening. 562 00:26:38,366 --> 00:26:40,001 Over funt400,000 million 563 00:26:40,034 --> 00:26:43,905 Were wiped off the value of shares this afternoon 564 00:26:43,938 --> 00:26:47,642 When someone in the stock exchange coughed. 565 00:26:47,675 --> 00:26:50,578 Sport-- capital punishment is to be reintroduced 566 00:26:50,611 --> 00:26:52,580 In the first and second division. 567 00:26:52,613 --> 00:26:54,549 Any player found tackling from behind 568 00:26:54,582 --> 00:26:57,451 Or controlling the ball with the lower part of the arm 569 00:26:57,485 --> 00:26:59,353 Will be hanged. 570 00:26:59,387 --> 00:27:02,423 But the electric chair remains the standard punishment 571 00:27:02,456 --> 00:27:04,025 For threatening the goalie. 572 00:27:04,058 --> 00:27:06,294 Referees' chairman len goebbels said 573 00:27:06,327 --> 00:27:09,030 "at last, the referee has been given teeth." 574 00:27:09,063 --> 00:27:13,634 Finally, politics-- the latest opinion poll published today 575 00:27:13,668 --> 00:27:17,705 Shows labor ahead with 40%, the a.a. second with 38% 576 00:27:17,738 --> 00:27:19,273 And, not surprisingly 577 00:27:19,307 --> 00:27:23,010 Kentucky fried chicken running the liberals a very close third. 578 00:27:23,044 --> 00:27:24,679 And now, back to me-- hello. 579 00:27:24,712 --> 00:27:28,216 And now it's time to go over to hugh delaney at paignton. 580 00:27:28,249 --> 00:27:30,985 Hello, and welcome to paignton because it's from paignton 581 00:27:31,018 --> 00:27:33,187 That we take you straight back to the studio. 582 00:27:33,221 --> 00:27:35,923 Hello, and it's from here we go over there. 583 00:27:35,957 --> 00:27:38,426 Well, we're already here, so let's go over there. 584 00:27:38,459 --> 00:27:39,794 Welcome back. 585 00:27:39,827 --> 00:27:42,430 And now it's time for part eight of our series 586 00:27:42,463 --> 00:27:45,299 About the life and work of ursula hitler 587 00:27:45,333 --> 00:27:46,667 The surrey housewife 588 00:27:46,701 --> 00:27:48,569 Who revolutionized british beekeeping 589 00:27:48,603 --> 00:27:51,305 In the 1930s. 590 00:27:51,339 --> 00:27:54,108 That was a party political - cast 591 00:27:54,142 --> 00:27:58,613 On behalf of the liberal party.