1 00:00:10,195 --> 00:00:11,565 Hahahahaha! 2 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:12,965 Ladies and gentlemen... 3 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,520 welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys. 4 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,260 What's wrong with you, Granddad? 5 00:00:26,295 --> 00:00:28,120 I haven't slept for three days. 6 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,520 Hello! 7 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,320 I'm just doing a bit of cleaning. 8 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,365 I'm just about to take a break. 9 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,840 God, I say cleaning like it was a hobby. It's not. 10 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,080 Shut up, you feckin' mutt! 11 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,920 I... I'd better feed him. Hold on. 12 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,240 Here, Spartacus! 13 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,640 When I... Jesus, I never opened the feckin' thing! 14 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,800 Here, Spartacus! 15 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,680 I had six children I reared on my own and they weren't as much trouble as you! 16 00:01:09,715 --> 00:01:12,160 Where was I? Oh, yeah... 17 00:01:12,195 --> 00:01:14,245 cleaning! 18 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,540 Well, it's not as if it goes unnoticed. 19 00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:18,667 I had Father Quinn round the other day... 20 00:01:18,702 --> 00:01:20,725 he took one look at the house and said, 21 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,680 "Mrs Brown, yourself and God keep a lovely home". 22 00:01:23,715 --> 00:01:25,857 I said "Thank you, Father" but I'm thinking, 23 00:01:25,892 --> 00:01:28,000 "You should see it when God has it on his own!" 24 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,045 I feel like I've always been cleaning. 25 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,920 When I was 18, I married his son, Redser Brown, 26 00:01:37,955 --> 00:01:39,640 because of a condition I had... 27 00:01:39,675 --> 00:01:41,040 called pregnancy. 28 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,320 The next day, I started cleaning. 29 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,597 Hiya, Mammy! Hello, Cathy, love. 30 00:01:47,632 --> 00:01:49,840 Ah! Granddad looks peaceful. 31 00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:51,360 Doesn't he! Hahaha! 32 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,165 Heading out on the big date, love? 33 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,840 It's not a big date, Mammy. It's just a quiet drink. 34 00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:01,245 Quiet drink! That's what all men say. 35 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,200 They think vodka's a lubricant to get your knickers off easy. 36 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:09,485 You may laugh, but I tell you, one minute you're sipping Piney Coladies, next... 37 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,560 your legs are up in stirrups with the doctor shouting, "Don't push till I tell you!". 38 00:02:13,595 --> 00:02:15,925 I'll keep that in mind, so! 39 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,885 You do that. Ah, why do I bother? 40 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,920 Right, I'm off! Do you want a cup of tea before you go, love? 41 00:02:20,955 --> 00:02:22,685 No, Mammy. Sure, I'm running late. 42 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,480 Don't be breaking your neck, he'll be feckin' late as well. 43 00:02:25,515 --> 00:02:26,840 Did Daddy always come late? 44 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,920 That's none of your feckin' business! 45 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,845 See you later! 46 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,080 Cathy, love! Yes, Mammy? You look fantastic! 47 00:02:41,115 --> 00:02:42,417 Thanks, Mammy. 48 00:02:42,452 --> 00:02:43,720 Keep them on! 49 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,760 I... I'm not just a cleaner. 50 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,205 I have a market stall as well. 51 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,680 I sell fruit and vegetables. I suppose I'm a business woman! Ha ha ha. 52 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,805 I don't like customers who come and just poke. 53 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:04,160 They come and maul your fruit without any feckin' reason whatsoever. 54 00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:06,800 I say to them, "Missus, that's a banana, not a willy..." 55 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,040 ".. it won't get bigger if you squeeze it!" 56 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:13,880 Hahaha! Hahaha! 57 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,000 There goes Happy Feet! 58 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,920 I better go in and see what's happening in the North Pole. 59 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,245 Hello, Dermot, son. 60 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,600 Hello, Mammy. What are you promoting this week? 61 00:03:34,635 --> 00:03:36,720 Chocolate biscuits. Oh, lovely... 62 00:03:36,755 --> 00:03:38,897 what kind? 63 00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:42,100 Kit Kats! 64 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,205 Dermot, love... 65 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,600 quack, quack, quack, quack! 66 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,000 What's wrong, love? Why are you such a sad little penguin? 67 00:03:52,035 --> 00:03:54,560 You're not in trouble with the law again, are you? 68 00:03:54,595 --> 00:03:56,645 No, Mammy, it's Maria. 69 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,160 Ah, the lovely Maria. We've broken up. 70 00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,280 Bitch! Never liked her! 71 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,565 What did she do? She's not a bitch, Ma. 72 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,085 And she didn't do anything, it's just... Yes? 73 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,040 .. to be honest Mammy, I'd rather not talk about it right now. 74 00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:12,817 I understand... 75 00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,525 so what happened? 76 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,520 Mammy! I'm not talking about it! 77 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,005 Fine... 78 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,085 Do you want a cup of tea? No, I'm only on a quick break. 79 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,640 Well, if it's only a quick break, you should slip into the fridge and relax! 80 00:04:26,675 --> 00:04:29,880 Hahahahaha! Slip into the... Hahaha! 81 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,120 It's very late to be studying. Hi, Mammy. 82 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,760 I can't sleep, worrying about Dermot and Maria. 83 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,085 Cathy... 84 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:55,480 you amaze me the amount of work and persistence you put into everything you feckin' do. 85 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,640 And I know I'm biased... you're my only daughter 86 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,960 .. but the man who gets you will be... he'll be the luckiest man on earth. 87 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,400 Not bad for a widow bringing up a girl on her own, hey? 88 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:10,440 Am I right? 89 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,760 Sorry, Mammy? 90 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,640 Nothing, it doesn't matter. 91 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,405 Cathy, what am I going to do about Dermot and Maria? 92 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:25,680 Mammy... it's best if we all just butt out and let them sort it out themselves. 93 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,200 What do you want, Granddad? 94 00:05:29,235 --> 00:05:30,685 I don't feel well. 95 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,200 You're 92, you're not supposed to fuckin' feel well! 96 00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:37,485 Mammy! What? 97 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,365 Maybe he really is sick. 98 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,920 Don't take any chances. Call the doctor! 99 00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:43,645 A doctor? At 80 euro a visit?! 100 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,040 He's no health insurance. At least he's insured for a funeral. 101 00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:48,160 Mammy! 102 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,280 Fine. I'll call the doctor. 103 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,320 This is all because of his feckin' budgie! His budgie? 104 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,057 Found him dead today. 105 00:05:57,092 --> 00:05:58,866 Well, he must be upset. 106 00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:00,605 He's at that age, love. 107 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,880 His budgie dies, he's sure he's going to be next. 108 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,200 With a bit of buckin' luck! 109 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,000 It's a sharp pain across the shoulders and down the spine. 110 00:06:15,035 --> 00:06:17,840 How long has he had it? Not him... ME! 111 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,125 Mrs Brown, I'm here to examine Granddad. 112 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,640 You're wasting your time with him, he's fucked. 113 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,720 Only a matter of time, isn't it, Granddad? 114 00:06:29,755 --> 00:06:30,997 Am I dying? 115 00:06:31,032 --> 00:06:32,240 Yes... Friday! 116 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,940 What's wrong with him, anyway? 117 00:06:36,975 --> 00:06:38,827 I'll have to run some tests. 118 00:06:38,862 --> 00:06:40,645 Tests! More feckin' money! 119 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,160 I'll need a sample of his urine, and a sample of his stool. 120 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,765 What'd he say? 121 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,480 He wants your underpants. 122 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,760 Granddad, I need you to close your mouth when I put it in. 123 00:06:56,795 --> 00:06:58,885 Hahahahaha! 124 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,960 He's never heard that before! 125 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,920 I'm afraid I'll have to do a rectal reading. 126 00:07:04,955 --> 00:07:06,165 Ooh! 127 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,245 Can you help me? 128 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,960 With buckin' pleasure! 129 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,245 Come on, Granddad! 130 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,880 The doctor has a surprise for you! 131 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,445 Oooooh! Ooh hoo hoo! 132 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,165 Would you like a cup of tea, Doctor? 133 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,040 I wouldn't mind another one of these. It's in the kitchen. 134 00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:30,377 Hahahahaha! 135 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,780 I'll get you a cup of tea, Granddad. 136 00:07:34,815 --> 00:07:37,407 I wish you could see it from this side! 137 00:07:37,442 --> 00:07:40,000 You look like a big buckin' toffee apple. 138 00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:43,965 Oooooooh! 139 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:49,480 Granddad! What are you doing there in that state? Come on... fix yourself! 140 00:07:49,515 --> 00:07:51,640 Now, sit down. 141 00:07:51,675 --> 00:07:52,685 No! 142 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,640 Granddad! Come on, sit down. No! No! No! 143 00:07:56,675 --> 00:07:58,165 Arrrgh! 144 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,400 Now... 145 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,040 .. now, Granddad, isn't that much better? 146 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,620 Granddad! Hahahahaha! 147 00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:18,325 What are you doing? 148 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,240 Come on, Granddad. Now we're going to play Treasure Hunt! 149 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,720 No, Mrs Brown. I'm afraid it's gone. 150 00:08:28,755 --> 00:08:32,257 Gone?! I'm not paying for that! 151 00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:35,760 Now, wait a minute... er, gone? 152 00:08:35,795 --> 00:08:37,485 Arrgh! 153 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,360 Is that bad? Is that dangerous? 154 00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:40,840 Get him to hospital today. 155 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,120 We'll explore the cavity then. 156 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,340 Explore the cavity! What? 157 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:49,440 He's going potholing! 158 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,560 Goodbye, Mrs Brown. Goodbye, Doctor. 159 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,320 Now you've heard of "Doctor Dolittle"... 160 00:08:58,355 --> 00:09:00,200 there goes "Doctor Do-Fuck-All"! 161 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,500 You're going to hospital, Granddad... 162 00:09:05,535 --> 00:09:07,920 and you're not coming fuckin' back. 163 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,965 Mammy. Yes, love? Did you see me Psychology magazine? 164 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,080 I left it down here last night. No and if you left it on that chair, 165 00:09:16,115 --> 00:09:17,520 it's probably up his arse! 166 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,280 Arse like a buckin' Dyson he has! 167 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:28,600 Cathy, there has to be something I can do about Dermot and Maria. 168 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,640 Mammy... 169 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,600 .. as I said, we all need to just butt out. I want to be involved... 170 00:09:34,635 --> 00:09:36,937 I want to be a leader! Like your man in Iran, 171 00:09:36,972 --> 00:09:39,240 'Mock Mood Momamma Jibbidi Get It Back Up Again'. 172 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:44,360 Mammy, of all people you stay out of this. I mean it. 173 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,920 Promise me you won't interfere. 174 00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,640 OK! 175 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,080 Me? Interfere? 176 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,280 Biscuit, Maria? Thank you. 177 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,840 Ah, I cut the edges off so they fit in the mug. 178 00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,720 Oh. I see. 179 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,400 So, Maria, why are you torturing my son? 180 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:22,765 Excuse me? 181 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,400 Well, you've obviously done something to upset him. 182 00:10:25,435 --> 00:10:26,600 How can we make it right? 183 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,280 Maybe if you apologise? 184 00:10:29,315 --> 00:10:31,085 Me? Apologise? 185 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,885 That's the spirit, love! 186 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:38,120 Mrs Brown, I have no idea what Dermot has told you about what's going on, but... 187 00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:41,125 maybe I should say I'm sorry all right, sorry I ever met him, 188 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,400 sorry I allowed myself to fall in love with him and sorry I ever got involved with his family. 189 00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:50,120 And sorry that he has to put up with such a domineering matriarch as you! 190 00:10:50,155 --> 00:10:52,720 I was hoping for something shorter! 191 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,840 Dermot, you're home, just in time. Maria has something she wants to tell you. You have? 192 00:10:57,875 --> 00:11:00,960 Yeah! I hope you and your mother will be very happy together! 193 00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:03,440 Keep it short! Keep it short! Now get stuffed! 194 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:09,720 Do you want a cup of tea, love? 195 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,565 What the hell happened here, Mammy? 196 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,400 What the hell happened? She came here, sat down, 197 00:11:15,435 --> 00:11:17,360 nibbled the biscuits and dunk... 198 00:11:17,395 --> 00:11:18,605 I don't know what to... 199 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,780 She meant... What is this side... So she... 200 00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:22,920 I'm here... Oh, yeah, wuzzah... And she said... 201 00:11:22,955 --> 00:11:24,125 Don't you muck! Eh! 202 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,200 Ohhh! Zem! Nice! You keep away! Uzzah! 203 00:11:28,235 --> 00:11:30,200 It's no wonder you dumped her! 204 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:36,280 I didn't dump HER. She broke up with me, because I wouldn't move in with her. 205 00:11:36,315 --> 00:11:38,960 Leave home? Yes! She wants us to move in together. 206 00:11:38,995 --> 00:11:40,440 It's far too early for that! 207 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:42,520 I'm 33. 208 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,325 Exactly! 209 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,840 Mammy, I wish you'd stay out of things and for once... 210 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,480 mind your own business! 211 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,360 You are my business! 212 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,040 I'm... your mother... 213 00:11:59,075 --> 00:12:00,445 Awww. 214 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,000 It's a man in a fuckin' dress! 215 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,605 Here, Cathy... 216 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,680 I believe your date was a disaster. 217 00:12:11,715 --> 00:12:13,577 I wouldn't say that, Winnie! 218 00:12:13,612 --> 00:12:15,440 You're better off, Cathy. 219 00:12:15,475 --> 00:12:17,240 Men, preverts! 220 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,560 They all look for one thing, and don't need a com-pass! 221 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,680 Will you stop it, Mammy! He wanted to go out and have a talk. 222 00:12:26,715 --> 00:12:29,320 Oh, a talk... yeah! Talk about doin' it! 223 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,880 Mammy... Hold on, where's me handbag? 224 00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:37,720 Feckin' hang on. 225 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:54,720 Me tablets are in it. 226 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,205 Mammy, my date was not a disaster! 227 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,720 Well, when are you seeing him again? I'm not. 228 00:13:01,755 --> 00:13:03,877 Disaster! 229 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,920 My Sharon's got herself a new... 230 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:08,925 yoke. 231 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,840 Boyfriend, Mrs McGoogan. I've met him and he's very nice. 232 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,805 One of the usual weirdos Sharon picks? 233 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,320 Actually he's a gentleman. Gentleman, Betty? 234 00:13:16,355 --> 00:13:18,765 And what would you call a gentleman? I dunno. 235 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,920 Opens the door for you? Mmmm. Takes your coat off when you go in? 236 00:13:21,955 --> 00:13:25,640 Mmmmm. Pulls the chair out when you go to sit down. Aye! 237 00:13:25,675 --> 00:13:27,440 Dirty bastard! 238 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,805 That's all put on! 239 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,640 He just wants to play hide the sausage! 240 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,580 Will you stop it, Mammy. 241 00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:40,520 Not all men are sex maniacs! 242 00:13:40,555 --> 00:13:42,245 Yes, they are! 243 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,765 They are! Aren't they, Winnie? 244 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,360 Only last year, me and Winnie went to that film festival, The "Cock-a-Coh". 245 00:13:47,395 --> 00:13:49,597 Uh, what's the one with the... 246 00:13:49,632 --> 00:13:52,356 the motorbike and the swords and.. 247 00:13:52,391 --> 00:13:55,080 Radiator! Gladiator! The Graduate! 248 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,440 We looked great with our Liverpool hairdos. 249 00:13:59,475 --> 00:14:00,765 I had mine like Cilla Black, 250 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,480 she had hers like fuckin' Ken Dodd. 251 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,080 We went to that picture house and were only five minutes there... 252 00:14:07,115 --> 00:14:08,640 Five minutes... sitting down. 253 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,485 I can't... I can't say it! I'm too embarrassed. You tell them. 254 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,040 Well, this..... fella came over and sat beside Winnie, right beside her. 255 00:14:17,075 --> 00:14:19,080 Right beside me! Right beside her! 256 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,360 Five minutes later, what's he do? What's he do? 257 00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:27,240 He takes his willy out... Out! Out! 258 00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:28,725 Oh, my God. 259 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,360 The dirty bastard!... 260 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,780 Winnie says to me, "Look, look Agnes!" 261 00:14:33,815 --> 00:14:36,080 Well, I glanced... I only feckin' glanced! 262 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:42,125 Oh, my God! What? He was playing with it! 263 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,840 Poor Winnie was disgusted. I was disgusted. She was disgusted! 264 00:14:45,875 --> 00:14:48,800 Well, why didn't you move? We couldn't move! 265 00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:50,760 He was using Winnie's hand. 266 00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,800 I'm only joking, Winnie! 267 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,480 Oh, Jesus! 268 00:15:03,515 --> 00:15:04,720 Well, here... 269 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:10,200 .. it's because of weirdos like him that I carry this. 270 00:15:10,235 --> 00:15:11,325 Jesus! 271 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,525 Jesus Christ! What's that? 272 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:20,240 It's a Tazer gun. If it was me he sat beside, I'd give him one jab of this and he'd be electrocuted. 273 00:15:20,275 --> 00:15:22,400 And she wonders why she can't get a man. 274 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,200 Vibrators! 275 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,605 I beg your pardon, Winnie? 276 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:34,920 Well, nowadays, that's what the women do get, them vibrators! 277 00:15:34,955 --> 00:15:36,240 Shut the buck up, Winnie! 278 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,080 Honest, Agnes, they do! 279 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,680 I think I might get one meself! 280 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,520 Well, make sure you get one that takes diesel! 281 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,285 Can you imagine her with a vibrator? 282 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,480 "Winnie, are you coming to Bingo on the bus? 283 00:15:56,515 --> 00:15:59,240 "No, I'm on a vibrator!" 284 00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:00,805 Hahahaha! 285 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,800 Oh, Winnie, stop that feckin' dirty talk! 286 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,000 Hello? Yes? Is that Out Patients? 287 00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,160 I'm enquiring about Mr Brown. 288 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:14,560 Brow-we-nuh. 289 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,800 .. Up his arse, that's him, yes. 290 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,240 Very generous? Why, what did he do? 291 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,800 Nurse, is he near you? Put him on the phone will you, please? 292 00:16:26,835 --> 00:16:28,965 For God's sake, feckin' eejit. 293 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,520 Hello Granddad. Yes, did you fill out a form there this morning? 294 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,360 Yeah. What did you tick off on it? 295 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,240 Kidneys... 296 00:16:38,275 --> 00:16:40,077 heart... 297 00:16:40,112 --> 00:16:41,845 liver... 298 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,520 that was a donor form! 299 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,680 No, it wasn't the feckin' breakfast menu! 300 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:54,080 Well, you go back to her and make sure you get all the bits you went in with! 301 00:16:54,115 --> 00:16:57,440 I swear that man is getting feckin' worse every day! 302 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,565 Mammy? What? 303 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,365 I really enjoyed those few drinks we had last night! 304 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,120 You had enough of them! Yeah, one more vodka and I'd have been under that table! 305 00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:09,080 One more pint of cider and I'd have been under that buckin' barman! 306 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,805 You wouldn't, would you, Mrs Brown? Don't be ridiculous, Betty! 307 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:19,720 It's so long since I had sex, I can't even remember who it is that gets tied up! 308 00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:21,397 Here, we'll miss the shops. 309 00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:23,040 You all right, Cathy? Yeah! 310 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,405 Mammy... 311 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,960 keep an eye on me Tazer for me will you, it's charging. 312 00:17:28,995 --> 00:17:31,417 When the red light goes out, plug it out. 313 00:17:31,452 --> 00:17:33,840 Red light out, plug out. Cathy love... 314 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,760 .. what am I going to do about Dermot and Maria? 315 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,080 I think you've done enough. 316 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,000 I have an idea. Cathy, you're training to be a psychologist. 317 00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:45,657 Why not give them counselling? Counselling? 318 00:17:45,692 --> 00:17:48,245 That's not a bad idea, Betty. No, no, Cathy! 319 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,765 I'll talk to Maria. I'll see you later, Mrs Brown. 320 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,240 See you later, Betty. Cathy, Cathy love. Wait a second! 321 00:17:54,275 --> 00:17:56,400 We need to talk about this! You can't just... 322 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,165 Cathy! Cathy, love! 323 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,680 You're not even qualified to feckin' counsel for God's sake! Cathy! 324 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,520 Cathy, for God's sake! 325 00:18:06,555 --> 00:18:08,040 Hello? 326 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,520 Hello? Hell, hell, hello? 327 00:18:30,555 --> 00:18:32,840 How do you do, do, do, do do? 328 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,840 No, there, there's no O'Brien here... 329 00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,560 you have, have the wr... wrong number. 330 00:18:39,595 --> 00:18:41,200 Are you fucking deaf?! 331 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,200 Oh, hello, Father Quinn! 332 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:59,445 Hm! Counselling? No counselling in my day. 333 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:04,040 You must be joking. If me and your father had problems, we couldn't run to a counsellor! 334 00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:06,525 No way, Jose! 335 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:10,240 We'd sort it out ourselves, like adults! Into a room on our own... 336 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:12,040 and I'd knock the shite out of him. 337 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,520 We didn't need a counsellor... 338 00:19:17,555 --> 00:19:19,680 We needed a buckin' referee! 339 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,040 Well, we're nearly ready to get started. 340 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,365 Oh, don't mind me. 341 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:30,680 I'm just a fly on the wall, a fly on the wall. 342 00:19:30,715 --> 00:19:32,040 Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz. 343 00:19:32,075 --> 00:19:33,437 Bzz, bzz, bzz. 344 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,800 Tss, tss, tss. 345 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,040 I think everybody would be more comfortable if you weren't here. 346 00:19:42,075 --> 00:19:44,560 It's a pity everybody doesn't pay the buckin' rent! 347 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,520 All right Mammy, but please... don't interfere. 348 00:19:52,555 --> 00:19:54,960 Fly, wall, me. 349 00:19:54,995 --> 00:19:56,120 Bz. 350 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,120 OK then, let's begin... 351 00:19:59,155 --> 00:20:00,200 Badges! 352 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,960 You never gave us our badges! 353 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:04,965 Badges? 354 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,525 We're all meant to have badges. 355 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,920 You know, "My name is Agnes Brown. I'm a lunatic!" 356 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,040 No, Mammy. You don't get badges. 357 00:20:13,075 --> 00:20:14,685 You're meant to get badges. 358 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,840 You don't, Mammy, and that's the end of it! 359 00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:18,760 Fine... you forgot the badges. 360 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,660 Maria, what do you... 361 00:20:22,695 --> 00:20:24,885 I have stickers upstairs! 362 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,720 We could use stickers and a marker and write the names on. 363 00:20:27,755 --> 00:20:28,725 Mammy, please! 364 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:32,040 I'm only trying to help you out of your badge situation. 365 00:20:32,075 --> 00:20:34,045 I DON'T HAVE A BADGE SITUATION! 366 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,120 Well, obviously, because you don't have fuckin' badges! 367 00:20:37,155 --> 00:20:40,125 I did not forget the badges, we're just not having badges. 368 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:44,120 Badges would be pointless in this situation, because we don't need them! 369 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,360 Cathy, calm down... 370 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,725 .. you're making something out of nothing! 371 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,360 Dermot, you don't need a badge. Maria, need a badge? 372 00:20:55,395 --> 00:20:58,040 No, I don't need a badge. Fuck the badges! 373 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,600 Maria... 374 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,440 what do you think started all of this? Well... 375 00:21:05,475 --> 00:21:07,960 Miss! Miss! Mammy, is this you not interfering? 376 00:21:07,995 --> 00:21:11,280 No, it's Sooty in his nude! 377 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:16,660 I just want to say this is Dermot's home. Dermot should go first. 378 00:21:16,695 --> 00:21:20,880 Mammy, it doesn't matter who goes first. Then start with Dermot. 379 00:21:20,915 --> 00:21:23,085 No, Mammy, I will not start with Dermot. 380 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,805 Now, if you don't mind, there's a system for doing this. 381 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,925 Is there? Yeah! Well, how come it doesn't matter who goes first? 382 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,440 I beg your pardon? You can't have "system" and "doesn't matter" in the same feckin' sentence. 383 00:21:33,475 --> 00:21:36,080 Imagine if that was the system for landing airplanes? 384 00:21:36,115 --> 00:21:38,560 And the pilot coming in to land says, 385 00:21:38,595 --> 00:21:40,765 "Excuse me captain... captain... 386 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,440 "whatever your name is, cos we've no fuckin' badges." 387 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,440 "Are the wheels down? 388 00:21:47,475 --> 00:21:49,440 "Oh, it doesn't matter!" 389 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,560 That wouldn't that be a nice way for the Hoolihans to start their two weeks in Fuengerola! 390 00:21:57,595 --> 00:21:59,480 Do you know what, Mammy? What? 391 00:21:59,515 --> 00:22:02,005 You do this every time. 392 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,480 Ah, don't exaggerate, I never flew an airplane in me buckin' life. 393 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,000 You mess everything up when I try to do my own thing! 394 00:22:10,035 --> 00:22:12,337 You're getting paranoid. Am I? Yes! 395 00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,640 Well, what about Teddy Brannigan? 396 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,360 Teddy Brannigan? 397 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:23,080 That was a long time ago. Yes, it was, but you still remember it, don't you? 398 00:22:23,115 --> 00:22:24,800 Oh, I remember, all right. 399 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,560 You were sixteen years of age! 400 00:22:30,595 --> 00:22:32,685 Not a titty to your name. 401 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,960 I was going to get you glasses so people would know which way you were facing! 402 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,480 The neighbours used to say, "Here comes Cathy Brown with the two backs". 403 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,680 Teddy Brannigan used to go up and down our road at two o'clock in the morning, 404 00:22:51,715 --> 00:22:53,725 "Neeeeow, neeeeeow, brrm." 405 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,760 If he got a motorbike, he'd be dangerous! 406 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,680 And you, running behind him with your helmet on you! 407 00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:04,605 I was in love! 408 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,640 Love, my arse! What would you know about love at sixteen? 409 00:23:07,675 --> 00:23:09,525 Especially to a thug like that. 410 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,120 Oh, Mammy, if you had your way, I'd never get a man! 411 00:23:12,155 --> 00:23:14,200 It'd help if you'd stop electrocuting 'em! 412 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,720 I saved you! 413 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,925 You saved me? Don't try and thank me now! 414 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,160 I'm not thanking you. I don't know what you're talking about! 415 00:23:26,195 --> 00:23:29,360 You wouldn't have been happy! Well, I'm not happy now, so there! 416 00:23:29,395 --> 00:23:31,800 You should talk to yourself and leave them alone! 417 00:23:31,835 --> 00:23:34,120 Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ, yourself! 418 00:23:34,155 --> 00:23:36,640 You won't even let me... 419 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,405 This is a waste of time! Is it? 420 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,725 Mammy, it's not just Teddy Brannigan, is it? 421 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,400 No man I ever meet will be good enough for you, will they? 422 00:23:48,435 --> 00:23:51,005 Where did I leave my violin? 423 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,160 I'm going to me room. Go to your room... Oh, Jesus! 424 00:23:54,195 --> 00:23:55,480 How could you do that? 425 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,000 How could you beat your mother? 426 00:23:59,035 --> 00:24:01,285 I brushed off you! 427 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,120 You beat me! Oh, my Jesus... 428 00:24:03,155 --> 00:24:04,640 It's gone dead! 429 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,280 It's gone dead, look, it's feckin' dead! Look it's feckin'... 430 00:24:10,315 --> 00:24:12,720 Oh, Cathy, I can't turn left! 431 00:24:12,755 --> 00:24:14,680 It's spreading... Oh! 432 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,400 Jesus Christ, I've gone blind! 433 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,880 Cathy! I'm going! Is she still there? 434 00:24:39,915 --> 00:24:41,760 This is ridiculous! 435 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,160 Cathy! Cathy, wait! Cathy, please... 436 00:24:46,195 --> 00:24:47,440 Cathy, let me explain! 437 00:24:47,475 --> 00:24:48,480 Cathy... 438 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:50,880 Cath... 439 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,080 Don't bring me up them feckin' stairs! 440 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,880 You saw that, now. I was minding my own business 441 00:24:58,915 --> 00:25:01,085 and she feckin' attacked me! 442 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,360 This is because she forgot the feckin' badges. 443 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,560 I tell you now, if Jesus Christ appears to me and asks me to sacrifice a child... 444 00:25:09,595 --> 00:25:11,320 she's fuckin' gone! 445 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,200 Well, I feel much better after that. 446 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:21,920 So do I. 447 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,365 I'm so sorry, Maria. 448 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,840 No, Dermot, look I'm sorry. 449 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,400 I shouldn't have made a big deal about us moving in. 450 00:25:29,435 --> 00:25:31,165 Yes, you should! 451 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,445 You were right, Maria. 452 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,360 You mean you want us to live together? 453 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,520 On one condition. What? 454 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,400 Will you marry me, Maria? Oh, yeah I will. 455 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,600 Right! 456 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,000 Let's go down to Foley's and tell everyone! Haha! 457 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,360 I thought that went well. Yeah, Mammy, it did, it was a great idea. Thanks, love. 458 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,440 I'll get you a cup of tea. 459 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,640 I swear that man thinks I'm on a feckin' bungee rope! 460 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,740 What do you want now? 461 00:26:19,775 --> 00:26:21,245 'I think I'm dying!' 462 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,800 Yeah? Well, call me when you're sure. 463 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,045 Go up and see what's wrong with him will you, Cathy? 464 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,400 Tell him if he doesn't behave, I'll come and take his temperature! 465 00:26:31,435 --> 00:26:32,600 Cathy! 466 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,320 Here, love, that's for you. 467 00:26:38,355 --> 00:26:39,885 What's this? 468 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,880 Encyclopaedia Britannica. 469 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:45,765 It's a phone number. 470 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,600 Yes, it's Teddy Brannigan's phone number. 471 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:54,640 You know I don't like gossip, but I was down at me yoga classes and... 472 00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,560 .. I was levitating beside Mary Matthews and... 473 00:26:59,595 --> 00:27:01,685 she was talking about Teddy Brannigan. 474 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,160 His wife shagged off on him, left him with two young kids, two years ago. 475 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,680 It's not easy on your own with young children, and I know that. And I... 476 00:27:10,715 --> 00:27:12,765 I thought a phone call might cheer him up. 477 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,120 You know you get a phone call sometimes, "Hello? 478 00:27:15,155 --> 00:27:16,920 "Oh, Jesus I'm cheered up!" 479 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,200 Anyway that's his number... 480 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,840 Thank you, Mammy. You're welcome! 481 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,960 I mean it, Mammy. 482 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,280 Really. 483 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:36,980 Thank you. 484 00:27:37,015 --> 00:27:38,320 I know you do. 485 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,280 That... that's what we do, love... 486 00:27:43,315 --> 00:27:45,285 mothers... 487 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:46,760 that's what we feckin' do. 488 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,440 That's it, I suppose, you know. I'm not a cleaner, or a businesswoman. 489 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,240 I'm a mother. 490 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,040 And, and that's what we do. That! 491 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,280 He's still a buckin' thug! 492 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,400 Who are you talking to, Mammy? 493 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,920 Nobody. Just meself, you know. Nobody important. 494 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:25,965 Goodnight. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net