1
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:15,959
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!

2
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,239
It's going to be a very
fancy wedding, Dermot.

3
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:31,759
I know. I wish they'd picked
somewhere else. It's too fancy.

4
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,799
Here, Auntie Mary
and Tommy the sprinter's coming.

5
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,519
We'd better make sure this
place has a disabled entrance.

6
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,719
He has only one leg.

7
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,439
It's the Ritz Crown Hotel, Mammy.

8
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,679
It has everything.

9
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,199
Annie Gibney is coming.
She's an alcoholic.

10
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,719
We'd better make sure it
has a disabled exit as well.

11
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,279
Your Uncle Gonzo rang.

12
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,040
He wanted to know what
"morning wear" was.

13
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,400
I told him
just to come in his pyjamas.

14
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,919
That's what I mean, too fancy.
A seven course meal, Mammy.

15
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,719
It'll be nice, Dermot.

16
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,679
Mammy, there are people dying
of starvation in the world.

17
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,399
Fine, what's their names?
I'll put them on the list.

18
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,039
Just forget it. Mrs Nicholson needs
to know how many are coming

19
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,079
from our side by the end of the day.

20
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,719
Well, with Cathy and Mick...

21
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,999
Mick's not coming. He has to work.
He can get off for a wedding.

22
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,880
He's not coming. End of discussion.

23
00:01:24,881 --> 00:01:28,119
Well, with Cathy dumped,
that means... 43.

24
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,839
Oh, are you bringing a
girl to the wedding, Rory?

25
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,679
Well, I was going to
invite Dino from work.

26
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,559
Oh, lovely! You'll probably
both be bringing girls.

27
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,359
I'll put it down as 46!

28
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,679
Well. Mammy... Not now, Rory.

29
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:46,439
Right, Mammy, will you ring Maria's
mother and let her know today?
I will.

30
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,239
That way, I can go to the stag party
with me head clear.

31
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,999
And we can go to
the hen party with our head clear.

32
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,240
How are you, Winnie?

33
00:01:54,241 --> 00:01:56,639
Cup of tea, love? Ah, no, love.

34
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,359
I'm heading down to
hospital to visit Jacko.

35
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,079
And I'm bringing him home this week.
Again?

36
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,679
Well, Dermot, are you all set
for the big day? More or less.

37
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,239
Fancy hotel and all, eh?

38
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,999
Your father would be very
proud of you. Lord rest him.

39
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,879
Yeah, whatever.

40
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:17,839
I'll never forget what my father
said to me the first time I went
to prison. What did he say?

41
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,479
Hello, son.

42
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,759
Come on, you. Let's pick up the
suits. I have to get to work.

43
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,759
Hang on, Dermot,
I'll take a lift with you.

44
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,239
Mammy? Yes, love? If you get a
chance, can I have a chat with you?

45
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,760
You can have a chat now if you like.

46
00:02:31,761 --> 00:02:34,959
No. Later, just you and me.

47
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,639
All right, love. See you later.

48
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,839
Mammy, you should give
the hen party a miss.

49
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,440
It's going to be all,
you know, young people.

50
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,319
Cathy, you're only as young as
you feel, and me and Winnie

51
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,519
feel like two
cocker spaniels in heat.

52
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,760
Woof, woof!

53
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,439
OK, you are not invited.

54
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,639
You're too old for hen
parties, so you're not invited.

55
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,439
Are you happy now
you got me to say it?

56
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,719
It's a hen party for young people.

57
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,559
It's embarrassing watching old
women pretending to be teenagers!

58
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,239
You leave Winnie alone!

59
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,159
There's Grandad banging down again.

60
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,279
Is there anybody down there?

61
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:19,839
Mammy?

62
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,359
No!

63
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:26,319
Who's that, then?
Polly the fuckin' parrot.

64
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,759
Now, go to sleep.
Me hot water bottle is leaking.

65
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,119
What did he say?
His hot water bottle is leaking.

66
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,600
He doesn't have a hot
water bottle, Mammy!

67
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,359
Cathy, go up and see
what he wants, will you?

68
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,199
I'll get our clean sheets.

69
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,880
Never mind clean sheets,
get a fookin' lifeboat.

70
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,359
That's the first time, you know.

71
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,480
First time I've been told that
I'm too old for something.

72
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,679
The cheek of her!

73
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,319
I think it's all right to
pretend to be a teenager,

74
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,999
or anything else you want to be.

75
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,240
He's grand. Not yet, Winnie. Jesus!

76
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:09,799
I mean, after all, God knows
you're an adult for long enough.

77
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,880
I think you should stay as young
as you can for as long as you can.

78
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,160
OK, Winnie.

79
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:23,599
He's grand. Cathy sorted him out.

80
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,479
We're going to that hen party.

81
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,759
Agnes, you heard what Cathy said.

82
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,399
We're not invited.
Cathy is not the boss of us.

83
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,119
Now, listen,
we have to find out where it is,

84
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,560
and we're going to crash it.

85
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,960
I'll show them how to party!

86
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,680
I thought they were extinct.

87
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,080
We're home, Mammy.

88
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,919
Hello, Cathy. Hello, Betty.

89
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,119
Well, you two have been busy.

90
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,119
I'm exhausted, but it was worth it.

91
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,439
I got me dress for the wedding. Oh,
give us a look at it. Where's Maria?

92
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,799
At home at her mother's.

93
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,879
We just came from there.
We had tea on the patio. Patio?

94
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,079
Excuse me!

95
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,679
Rory and Dino were there, going
over the hairstyles for the big day.

96
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:25,760
That's nice. Da-da!

97
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:31,599
Is Ann Summers selling
off their old stock?

98
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,159
No, Mammy, it's me dress for
the wedding! What do you think?

99
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,879
It's very feckin'...

100
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,559
what's the word I'm looking for?

101
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,279
Classy. Red!

102
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,879
It's supposed to be red.

103
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,519
Is it supposed to be slapper red?

104
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,799
Ah, Mammy! Let me look at it again.

105
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,159
I didn't really see it.

106
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,120
Turn around.
Not you, the feckin' dress!

107
00:05:56,080 --> 00:06:00,119
I suppose it will be fine.
I better put it away upstairs.

108
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,479
Do, Cathy, and hide it.

109
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,479
I'm telling you, if word
gets out that that's here,

110
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,159
we'll be broken into.
By the fashion police.

111
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,199
I'll see you tomorrow night, Betty -
for the hen party!

112
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,799
Right, Cathy. Are you looking
forward to the hen party, Betty?

113
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,719
Aye, it should be great craic.
It should be great craic!

114
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,200
I haven't been to that place
in years. What do you call it?

115
00:06:20,201 --> 00:06:21,720
The hairdresser's?

116
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:27,519
Very funny! Cathy says
you're barred from the hen
party, so you may give up.

117
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,039
Nobody's going to
tell you where it is.

118
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,639
Fine, but if you're really her
friend, you won't let her

119
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,479
go to the wedding in that feckin'
dress! Why not? It's lovely.

120
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:40,440
Lovely? She puts that on, you're
only waiting for her to go
"ten dollar, me love you long time!"

121
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:48,519
No, she won't.
You're just out of touch
with fashion. I know fashion, love.

122
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,439
I love that coat on you, and I
have done for the last five years.

123
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:55,560
Every time I see it, I think "I must
put the black bags out tonight".

124
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,759
Good luck! Hiya, boys.

125
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:01,879
Hiya, Betty. Here's the groom!

126
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,719
Hello, son.

127
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,600
Don't even feckin' think about it.

128
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,679
Cathy and Betty were just down in
Maria's house.

129
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,559
Tea on the patio.

130
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,479
They said it's a nice house.

131
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,439
When you walk into the hall,

132
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,959
on the ceiling there's a
big... what do ya call it?

133
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,959
A night vision camera?

134
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,839
Crystal chandelier!

135
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:28,399
And to get to the patio,
you go through the dining room.

136
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:32,999
Past the motion sensors.
Exactly! How do you know?

137
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,919
It must be a big house. Big enough.

138
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,959
And they have two toilets.
One upstairs and one downstairs.

139
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,199
Two toilets? For what?

140
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,439
What do they do, get up
in the morning and go

141
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,040
"Oh, where will I shit today?"

142
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,760
They only have the one arse.

143
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,119
Mind you, a toilet downstairs, eh?

144
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,999
I'd say it'd be feckin' handy.

145
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,520
Here you go, love. Thanks, Ma.

146
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,079
What's this?
A wedding present from Buster.

147
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,600
Oh, nice.

148
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:14,079
A VDV player? How can you
afford things like that, Buster?

149
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,119
I know a fella who does them cheap.
Why does he cut the plug off?

150
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,719
Right, well, I'm off.

151
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,239
I'll see you tomorrow
for the stag party. See you, Buster.

152
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,360
Oh!

153
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,320
The cheek of him!

154
00:08:29,321 --> 00:08:33,439
Dermot, just cos she has a big
house, doesn't make it a home. True.

155
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,159
And I'd say that's her, you know.

156
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,839
Big house, no home.

157
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,879
Yeah, fur coat, no knickers!

158
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,079
She's like
a prostitute on her night off. What?

159
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,400
All dressed up and no-one to blow!

160
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,439
Is that funny, Dermot?

161
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,000
Yeah, Ma. I don't feckin' get it.

162
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,280
I read that in one
of your magazines.

163
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,039
Dermot, what's a blow job?

164
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,080
20 quid, Ma.

165
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,880
I thought 20 quid was a score?

166
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,559
They change the feckin'
language every day now.

167
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:21,199
Dermot, where are yous having the
stag party? In Foley's, I suppose?

168
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,639
No. We're not going near Foley's.

169
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,599
Mark said Betty is meeting Cathy and
Barbara there for the hen party,

170
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,160
and we don't want to bump into them.

171
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,960
The hen party is in Foley's!

172
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,120
That's perfect! Perfect!

173
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:50,639
How long does it take you to fit it,
Mr O'Connor? Usually,
we're in and out in a day. A day?

174
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,279
Could you do it tomorrow?
Oh, no. I'm far too busy.

175
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,120
I'll make it worth your while.
I'll give you an extra blow job.

176
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,839
Where do you want it fitted?

177
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,360
Here! Here!

178
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,959
Oh, wait, there's
a chip gone out of this.

179
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,399
Somebody must have shit
a brick. Are you sure?

180
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,959
I'm positive! But look,
you won't be able to, like...

181
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,640
You worry about the fittin'.
I'll worry about the shittin'!

182
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,079
I'll see you tomorrrow,
Mr O'Connell. And if there's
anybody that'll

183
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,839
help you fit it, bring them along.

184
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,320
There's a blow job in
it for them as well.

185
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,880
Thanks, Barbara!
Aye, cheers, Barbara!

186
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,800
Ah, for Christ's sake!

187
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,639
You all set for the party, girls?

188
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,719
For God's sake, Mrs McGoogan, you
were told that yous weren't invited!

189
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,519
Well, we're here now,
so live with it.

190
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:58,959
Jesus, I don't know half the
people here. Where's Maria?

191
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,919
Winnie, this is not the hen party.

192
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,279
The hen party is in a nightclub.

193
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:04,879
So what's all this, then?

194
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,639
It's the funeral
party for Mr Murphy.

195
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,039
Oh, good God, no!

196
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,159
♪ Sex bomb, sex bomb

197
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:13,919
♪ You're my sex bomb

198
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,359
♪ You can really do it

199
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:16,959
♪ when I want to come along

200
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,599
♪ Sex bomb, sex bomb

201
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:19,880
♪ you're my sex bomb

202
00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:22,800
♪ You can really turn me on

203
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,000
♪ You can really turn me on! ♪

204
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,600
Agnes,
this is Paddy Murphy's funeral!

205
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,999
Lovely man. I always liked him.

206
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,560
Winnie, come on!

207
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,279
No, no. No, that's an awful feckin'
smell. Smell, smell!

208
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,119
It's gas, missus! You have a leak.

209
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,399
It's only slight, but I'd have
it checked out all the same.

210
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,999
Here, give yer man a shout.
He'll sort you out.

211
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,559
I will, Mr O'Connell.
Thanks very much for coming over.

212
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,079
No problem. Oh, hold on.

213
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,799
I nearly forgot. Your blow job!

214
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,919
Ah, no. No, thanks. Good luck!

215
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,320
Suit yourself.

216
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,959
Mammy?

217
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,199
Yes, love? Would now be a good
time to have a chat with you?

218
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:19,120
Well, go up and get dressed,
and I'll talk to you
before you go to work.

219
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,759
Ah, now, here's Venus and Serena.

220
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,639
Morning, Mammy. Good morning, son.

221
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,919
Morning, Mammy.
Don't "good morning, Mammy" me,

222
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,559
Buster Brady. The carry on
of you in this house last night.

223
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,279
How dare you bring a woman
back to this house? A woman?

224
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,239
I got a chick last night. A chick?

225
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,440
She was in my class in school!

226
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,679
I nearly died when I came
down and saw her sitting there.

227
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,359
"Hello, Agnes."

228
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,280
"Hello, teacher".

229
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,519
Do you want breakfast?

230
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,040
Just a cup of tea, Mammy.

231
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,719
Are you in there? Yes!

232
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,319
Mammy, you need to know.

233
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,879
I'm gay.

234
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,800
I love Dino, and I
want the world to know.

235
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,879
Are you upset?

236
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:22,239
Oh, Mammy, I knew you'd take
it hard, but please try
to think of my happiness.

237
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,439
Oh, Mammy!

238
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,559
How can I be happy?

239
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:30,960
Please try to think of me!

240
00:13:30,961 --> 00:13:34,720
Well, you can get off the feckin'
floor for starters! Aaaagh! Aaaah!

241
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,119
What is wrong with you?

242
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,839
Mammy,
I need to come out of the closet!

243
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,999
You'll have to wait until
Buster's finished to go in first!

244
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,599
Rory!

245
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,120
Rory, are you all right?

246
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,480
What's wrong with him?
Diarrhoea, I think.

247
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,799
Look at the head on you.
You had some to drink last night.

248
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,999
Look who's talking!
You were as bad yourself.

249
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,999
I was, wasn't I!

250
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,719
Here, I left me dick in the taxi.
Oh, no!

251
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:15,360
There's a taxi going round Dublin
somewhere now with two pricks in it!

252
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,879
Are you ringing her to cancel?

253
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:25,799
What? You invited Mrs Nicholson
here to dinner on Friday night.

254
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,039
Sweet lovin' St. Jude!

255
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:33,679
What's wrong with Mammy? She only
invited your future mother-in-law to
dinner here Friday night. No way!

256
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,079
Way! What am I going to
give her to eat, Dermot?

257
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,479
You know better her than anyone.
What does she like to eat? I dunno.

258
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,279
You can see her face, can't you?

259
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,120
When I go
"I feel like chicken tonight".

260
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,280
And her expecting something
fancy like tadpole's arseholes.

261
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,959
Oh, what am I going to do?
I'll cook!

262
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,359
Rory. I love you dearly son,

263
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:02,479
but you're the only man I
know who can burn boiled eggs!

264
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,959
Mammy, I'll get
Dino from work to help me.

265
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,759
Dino from Wash and Blow? Dino was
a chef before he was a stylist.

266
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,399
A chef! He's a Cordon Bleu!

267
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,719
I couldn't give a shite what
colour he is,

268
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,599
as long as he can
feckin' cook. We're getting a chef.

269
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,599
We're getting a feckin' chef!

270
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,920
The last time I had a chef
in this house he put...

271
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,360
It's none of your feckin' business!

272
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,880
Mammy, go easy on the drink!

273
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:42,760
I'm waiting for an hour for her
to ask me where the toilet is so
I can show off me new toilet.

274
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,240
She's too posh to piss!

275
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:54,319
All right Hillary? Well, actually.
I think I can smell gas.

276
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,000
No. that's just him.

277
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,480
How's your drink, Hillary?

278
00:15:59,481 --> 00:16:03,600
It tastes like cider. It is. Bulmers.

279
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,320
I asked for champagne?
Well, you can fuck off!

280
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,479
I'll just check with the lads
how the starters are coming.

281
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,599
Do you need to go anywhere?

282
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,960
Oh, no. no. thank you. I'm fine.

283
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:29,320
Almost ready, Mrs B! Has she
asked to use the toilet yet? No.

284
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,240
I do wish you wouldn't stare at me.

285
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,399
I'll use it, Mrs B. What, Dino?

286
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,479
The toilet. I'll use it.

287
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,160
Ah, no, Dino I need her to get...

288
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,640
You're right. it's a great idea.

289
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,240
All you need to do is
ask me where it is!

290
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:01,440
Just give me a second then come in.

291
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,840
Nearly ready. The boys are just
finishing the Horses Doovers.

292
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,759
Excuse me, Mrs Brown. Yes, Dino?

293
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:21,079
Where is the toilet?
Oh. the toilet? Well,

294
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,879
you could take your
pick of the two.

295
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,080
The one upstairs or the on...

296
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,320
the on sweety over there.

297
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:33,759
Oh, that's handy.

298
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,359
Yes, it is handy. Yes, it is.

299
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,760
I'll use that one.
Whichever you like! Two.

300
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,719
Psst!

301
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,800
Excuse me a second.

302
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,439
What? Mrs Brown, I'm too big!

303
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:54,120
Oh, If I had a pound
for every man that said that.

304
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,760
Watch me. Just watch.

305
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,240
Mammy! What's wrong?

306
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,719
Dino is wearing suspenders!

307
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,559
Oh, Rory.

308
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,519
I think he's a trans-testicle.

309
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,479
Mammy, there's something I have to
tell you.

310
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,119
Not now love. Just serve the meal.
But, Mammy... I'm in shock, love!

311
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,680
Just serve the feckin' meal!

312
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,759
I hope you flushed that!

313
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,920
We're ready now.
If you'd like to shit up.

314
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,719
Thank you, love. Oh,
this looks interesting. What is it?

315
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,520
It's called soup.

316
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,679
Oh, wait. wait. It's cold.

317
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,719
Mine is cold.

318
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,319
Hers is fuckin' cold!

319
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,199
It's cold, Rory!

320
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,279
Mammy. it's gazpacho.
It's supposed to be cold.

321
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:36,399
Oh, don't be feckin' ridiculous.
Cold soup?!

322
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,039
Take it back and tell Dino
to heat it up.

323
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,280
Don't mind. Just take it back
and heat it up. Heat it up, Rory.

324
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,160
I so sorry.

325
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,079
I say, Agnes. Um.
What's for main course?

326
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,240
Salmon.

327
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,200
Oh, my favourite. Oh, good,
cos we're getting a whole tin each.

328
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,879
I say Hillary.

329
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:11,759
Hillary, I believe your
house was broken into? Yes, it was.

330
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,359
Oh, how furking awful.

331
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,119
Did the bisterds get anything?

332
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:20,839
Sorry? The bisterds what
done the broking inning,

333
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,759
did they get anything?

334
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,800
Yes. yes. They got the forking DVD.

335
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,440
DVD?

336
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:37,720
The forking DVD?
Ours is a Phillips.

337
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,759
They're probably all the same you
know. they're probably all German.

338
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,079
They just
put a different name on them.

339
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,959
You can do anything with words,
that's what my husband used to say.

340
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,159
He was great with words.

341
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,679
If the children
were listening he'd spell them.

342
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,119
You know, he'd say,

343
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:01,359
"Agnes do you want to go
up S. T. I. A. R. S..."

344
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,239
Ah! How nice!

345
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,200
"for a fuck?"

346
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,599
It's hard...

347
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:21,999
It's hard to think that there
were five people living har.

348
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,159
Har?!

349
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,040
What's fuckin' har?

350
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,679
Well. yes. Heeyer in the house.

351
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,599
Heeyer in the hayse?!

352
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,600
HERE in the HOUSE!

353
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,160
How do your teeth
not fuckin' fly out?

354
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,560
No, Hillary.
You'd never take this five heeyer...

355
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,720
And you wouldn' know why yee be.

356
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,160
They could be anywah.

357
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,679
Even in fuckin' cupboards.

358
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,960
Excuse me a moment, please.

359
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,079
Rory, I can't take this any more!
Mammy, what's wrong?

360
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,240
Grandad is in the
cupboard havin' a shit!

361
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,759
Rory, we need a plan.

362
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:25,399
You get Grandad out of the cupboard
and put him into the toilet.

363
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,199
I'll stop her from looking. Right.

364
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,360
Dino. Yes? You stay fuckin' here.

365
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,360
You can fuck off!

366
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,279
Is everything all right?

367
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,719
Yes, everything is beautiful, yes.

368
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,559
Do you like to sing?

369
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,799
To sing?!
# Oh, when the saints

370
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,000
♪ Go marching in. ♪

371
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,039
♪ Oh, when the saints
go marching in. ♪

372
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:54,879
Rory, the fag. Get the fag.

373
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:55,960
♪ I want to be. ♪

374
00:22:55,961 --> 00:22:57,999
You called, Mrs Brown?

375
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,919
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in

376
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,359
♪ Oh, when the saints

377
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:04,560
♪ Go marching in. ♪

378
00:23:04,561 --> 00:23:07,920
Hey, hey, hey!
We're finished all right.

379
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,439
Just drink. Rory, get the door.

380
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:13,959
Have a drink!

381
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,480
No. no. actually I've... Oh!
Have a fucking drink.

382
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:21,119
Mrs Brown.

383
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,999
Father Quinn!
Mrs Murphy is dreadfully upset about

384
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,159
your cabaret performance
at her husband's funeral!

385
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,639
Cabaret at a funeral?!

386
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:30,800
No, it was a mistake.

387
00:23:30,801 --> 00:23:35,279
It was a hen party. We were having a
hen party. A hen party at a funeral!

388
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,999
No, no. It was a mistake!
Oh, it was a mistake? Yes.

389
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,399
The long boots
and the fishnet stockings?

390
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:45,519
Fishnet stockings at a funeral?!
Will you shut the fuck up!

391
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,319
Mrs Brown!
Mrs Murphy, it was a mistake!

392
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:53,959
Look, if your husband had lived
another day, there'd be no problem.

393
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:57,639
Mrs Brown, Rory has something
important he needs to tell you.

394
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,159
Dino, I'm sure it's important. Not
now. She is very upset, Mrs Brown.

395
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,999
Well, I just apologised Father.

396
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,920
What do you want?
The burning at the stake?

397
00:24:04,921 --> 00:24:07,720
Mrs Brown, it really is important.

398
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,119
Do I have your attention? Yes!

399
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,679
I am in the middle of a crisis.

400
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,040
I'm sure what you want to talk
about is important, but not NOW!

401
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,679
Look Father, I never
meant to upset her.

402
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,119
Well, I'm sure
you'll think of some way

403
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:29,040
to make things up to Mrs Murphy.
I will, Father. Right.

404
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,319
Mrs Brown...

405
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,199
More drink, Hillary?

406
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,239
Have a drink!

407
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,919
Mammy, how could you?
He slipped, Rory. Dino come back!

408
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,519
He slipped. You're a witness.

409
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,919
He feckin' slipped! Rory.
Rory Brown get back!
He's gone out in that feckin' apron.

410
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,480
People will think he's a sissy!

411
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,319
That's all I need.

412
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,239
Here's Maria.

413
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,120
Hello. Hi, Mum. Get me out of here!

414
00:24:57,121 --> 00:24:59,760
This is a mad house!

415
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,239
Maria, darling, why
wouldn't you listen to me?

416
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,079
You cannot make a silk purse out of
a sow's ear.

417
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,120
Come, Maria, we are going home.

418
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,000
Maria!

419
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:16,319
Mother, I am marrying Dermot Brown.

420
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,039
I will be Maria Brown.

421
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,199
I AM home!

422
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,480
But these people are riff-raff!

423
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,759
Oh, Mother! Maria.

424
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:31,159
Riff raff? The reason why you
wouldn't recognise this, missus,

425
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,159
is because this is a family.

426
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,399
Something you would
know nothin' about.

427
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,840
And that girl is your
daughter, she's not some
dog in a bloody dog show!

428
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:51,919
Good girl, Betty. You took the
words right outta me feckin' mouth.

429
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,240
And as for you, you
50 pence pole dancer.

430
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,480
Is that the very best you can do? No.

431
00:25:58,481 --> 00:26:00,640
I feel sorry for the fuckin' pole.

432
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:06,320
I'll have you know we are the most
respectable family on this street.

433
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:30,200
Grandad's gone! I'm up here!

434
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,439
Yes. Yes, I know.
Grandad? Oh, he's grand.

435
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,040
Just a small headache.

436
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,359
I just wanted to say
thanks, Betty, for last night.

437
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:48,600
I was very proud of you.

438
00:26:48,601 --> 00:26:52,600
All right, love. Bye.

439
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,039
That was Betty.

440
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:59,039
So, Jacko didn't come home?

441
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,239
No. He's got a broken collar bone
and his hip is out.

442
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,199
More feckin' surgery.
You must feel awful.

443
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,879
I blame the hospital, Agnes.

444
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,999
It was them that insisted I
push him in a wheelchair.

445
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:13,000
I don't think they meant
you to use the escalator.

446
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,639
Now I'll have to go to Dermot
and Maria's wedding on me own.

447
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,719
No, you won't. you'll be with me.

448
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,640
See you later, Agnes.

449
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,680
What a week.

450
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,040
Jacko in a heap at the
bottom of the escalator.

451
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,519
Mrs Murphy upset by my little

452
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,800
kiss-o-gram at her husband's funeral

453
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:39,880
and Grandad shit a nuclear bomb.

454
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,519
Isn't life a feckin' rollercoaster?

455
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,959
Goodnight!

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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