1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:10,359 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,559 Ha-ha-ha! 3 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,039 Ladies and gentlemen... 4 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:15,519 welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys. 5 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,480 Hello! Ha-ha-ha! 6 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,759 Well, it's my son Dermot and Maria's wedding this week... 7 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,679 Everybody's so excited. 8 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,919 Cathy is worried about fitting into that dress so she's going to her aerobics. 9 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,759 Yeah, aero... that's a made-up name. 10 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,119 I think the gym owners said, "We'd better call it something fancy, 11 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,519 "cos they won't pay if we just call it feckin' jumping up and down." 12 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,759 Ow! 13 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,199 Sorry... a bit distracted, it's not just the wedding, 14 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,319 it's Dermot's reaction to it. 15 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,799 Dermot doesn't take stress well. 16 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:07,399 When his father died, he went into the wardrobe in his bedroom and didn't come out for two weeks! 17 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,919 Hiya, Mammy. 18 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,239 Hello, son. Would you like a cup of tea? 19 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,760 Yeah, Mammy. 20 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:18,319 A penny for your thoughts, love. Just thinking about me getting married! 21 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,840 Do you see what I mean? 22 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:26,560 My God, it's hard to believe you'll soon have children of your own to worry about. 23 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:31,279 And after the way you treated me, I hope they break your feckin' heart! 24 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,879 Do you remember being pregnant on me? 25 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,759 Ha-ha. Do I remember? 26 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,359 I'll never forget it, son. 27 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,239 Me arse was as wide as the arrivals gate in Dublin Airport! 28 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:47,439 What were you hoping I'd be? Your father's! 29 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,479 Seriously? 30 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,479 Don't be a feckin' idiot, of course not! 31 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,959 Your arrival was a big event in my life. I'll never forget it... 32 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,959 12 pounds, 8 ounces you were. 33 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,119 They couldn't even get you with the forceps. 34 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:01,480 At one point I thought they were going for a tow truck and a rope! 35 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,360 22 stitches I had. 36 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,079 I could walk down both sides of Grafton Street at the same time. 37 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,999 I'll never forget it. 38 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,439 A beautiful, sunny Tuesday! Saturday! 39 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,119 Saturday! Saturday, yeah! 40 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,399 In July. 41 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,679 September. September, yeah! 42 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,679 Which feckin' one are you? 43 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,719 No, it was lovely and the nurses in Galway were so nice. I thought I was born in Dublin. 44 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:32,879 No, Galway. It would have been Dublin only your father wanted to stay for the last race! 45 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,599 I don't think I'm ready to be a parent. 46 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,079 For feck's sake, son, none of us are! 47 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,360 Any parent will tell you. 48 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,479 You're an amateur parent with an amateur child, 49 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,480 and just when you have the job right... 50 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,759 they marry someone and leave. 51 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,919 Yeah, well... 52 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,639 Mammy, don't worry, I'll never be far away. 53 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,440 Don't you feckin' threaten me, son! 54 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,999 Good morning! Morning, Rory! Morning, Mammy! Hello, love! 55 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,679 Dermot, getting nervous yet? 56 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,799 Stop, stop it! Leave me alone! 57 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:12,200 Rory, have you and Dino decided which girls you're going to be bringing to the wedding? 58 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:18,320 Er, no. Listen, I have to dash. I'll see you later. Bye-bye! 59 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:20,840 He's in a feckin' hurry! 60 00:03:20,841 --> 00:03:23,879 Mammy, Rory's not bringing a girl to the wedding. Why not? 61 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,800 Mammy, what if I turn out like me dad? 62 00:03:25,801 --> 00:03:28,159 You and Rory need to talk. He's not into women. 63 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,999 What are you saying? I said, "What if I turn out like me dad?" 64 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,400 No, not you, love, Cathy. 65 00:03:32,401 --> 00:03:34,519 I heard what you said! You won't. 66 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,519 Rory is... a friend of Dorothy's. 67 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,759 Can't he bring Dorothy to the wedding, then? 68 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,319 Wouldn't that be all right? 69 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,919 I have to go. Mammy, we'll talk later. 70 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,520 What if I become an alcoholic? 71 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,319 Your father wasn't an alcoholic. 72 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,600 We couldn't afford that. 73 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,239 He was a drunk! 74 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,119 Yeah, I know what you mean, yes. 75 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,520 Well, marriage is not just all about sex. Now that's what I say. 76 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,679 Yes... Oh, you're so right! 77 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,119 Oh, listen, I remember when one night himself... 78 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:21,559 oh, he went... he went from one o'clock in the morning till quarter past two! 79 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,519 Yeah. No, well, it was the night that the clocks went forward! 80 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,999 Mammy, for God's sake! Oh, hold on. What, Cathy? 81 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,639 Just order the pizza! 82 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,559 So that's a... 83 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:43,639 a deep pan Hawaiian, a pepperoni and a side order of garlic bread. 84 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,280 All right, thank you! 85 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,599 Mammy, sit down for a second. 86 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,199 What, Cathy? 87 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,079 Look at this. 88 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,559 I want you to take a little time to read this. 89 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,359 What is it? 90 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,520 Homosexuality And Me. 91 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,959 I want you to read it, Mammy. 92 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,039 I want you to look around you for signs and then we'll have a talk. 93 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,039 Signs? What kind of signs? 94 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,959 Read it... and then we'll talk. 95 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,200 I wish you'd tell me what this is all about. 96 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,919 G'day, g'day! 97 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,439 Hello, son! 98 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,479 Oh, do you smell wedding cake? 99 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,479 I smell wedding cake! Do you smell wedding cake? Don't, Mammy. 100 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:33,039 Maria standing there in a beautiful white gown, think about that! 101 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,919 Stop, Ma, not now! 102 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,480 I'm only getting excited. 103 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,319 I'd love to be a feckin' kangaroo. 104 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,480 I'd have had 12 children if I could have matured them in me handbag! 105 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,359 Do you want a cup of tea, love? No, thanks, Ma. 106 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,999 I'm fine, it's just... 107 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,039 everything's happening so fast. 108 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,280 I feel... 109 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,439 Doesn't matter. Never mind. 110 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:03,239 I can't believe your boss made you hop around the week you're getting married! 111 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,239 He didn't ask me, I wanted to. 112 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,879 I'm going for me bath. 113 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:12,159 Make sure to wash your Joey! 114 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:16,039 Dermot! Can I just say something? 115 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,039 I'm off, Mammy! 116 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,919 I'll see you, love. 117 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,600 And, Mammy, read the book! I will. 118 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,120 How are you, Mrs Brown? Is Dermot here? 119 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,159 Dermot! 120 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,839 There's a gobshite down here looking for you! 121 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,839 And me! 122 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,239 So how's your speech coming along? 123 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,240 I'm still trying to pronounce me haitches more. 124 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,000 Your best man's speech for the wedding! 125 00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:57,199 The best man's speech is the highlight of the reception! 126 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,679 Really?! 127 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,399 You didn't know you'd to make a speech at the wedding?! 128 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,480 No. 129 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,120 I suppose I'll just make something up on the day. No, you won't! 130 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:12,519 Jacko was our best man and he did that and loads of crap came out. 131 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:17,479 You will not. You'll write a speech before the wedding and you'll run it past me first. Are we clear? Yeah! 132 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,279 I'd die if Dermot's marriage was a repeat of my own. 133 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,440 That man feckin' ruined our wedding! 134 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,959 Right, Mrs Brown... 135 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,440 will you tell Dermot to follow me down to Foley's? 136 00:07:35,441 --> 00:07:37,319 I've some thinking to do. 137 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:38,680 Yes, you have. 138 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,320 Holy God! 139 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,599 Cathy's a lesbian. 140 00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:59,719 What?! 141 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,479 Cathy. 142 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,479 It explains a lot. She's a lesbian! 143 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,399 But what about Mick the boyfriend? 144 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,920 He must be a lesbian, too! 145 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,879 Mick is a homo? 146 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,119 Winnie, the book says you can't say that. 147 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,919 It's not politically correct. 148 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,080 What do you say, then? 149 00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:18,640 I don't know. Queer, I think. 150 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,279 Right so! 151 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:25,239 Now goodnight, folks. Come on. You got no homes to go to? 152 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,760 Agnes, what does the book say is the signs of being a lesbian? 153 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:34,639 "There will be a noticeable absence of men in her life." 154 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,119 That's very vague, Agnes. 155 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,159 Sure, your husband's dead and my Jacko's always in hospital! 156 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,919 Jesus, that's true! 157 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,519 Well, here... 158 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,759 "The closest person to her will be another woman 159 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:52,319 "and it will become apparent that she feels she cannot be without that woman." 160 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,639 Again, Agnes, that could be anyone. 161 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,720 Sure, that could be me or you! 162 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,200 What does the book say... 163 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,999 lesbians do together? 164 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,440 Does it mention bingo? 165 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,200 We'd better move. Yeah! 166 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:37,279 I'm going to go home, ring Jacko at the hospital, and have phone sex. 167 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,279 He'll be asleep, for God's sake! 168 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,479 Well, I'll leave a message then. 169 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:48,639 Listen, I'm going to pay Mr Foley for the drink he's leaving at the house. 170 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,639 Right. You go on ahead. Goodnight then, love. Goodnight. 171 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,840 Goodnight, love. Yeah. 172 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,079 Mr Foley. Hello. That's the stuff we need and there's a few bob. 173 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:05,239 Two dozen lager, two dozen stout, case of wine, assorted spirits... 174 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,359 half a dozen Babycham? Rory! Oh... 175 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,560 I'll tot it up! Thanks very much. 176 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,160 What about this? Jesus Christ! 177 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,000 You were that close to death! 178 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:23,319 Ahem. "What is the story, everybody?" 179 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:24,999 No, no... that's, 180 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,840 "Ladies and gentleman and Reverend Father..." 181 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,639 It's his best man's speech. Oh! 182 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,480 "Ladies and gentlemen and Reverend Father... 183 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,839 "the first time me and Dermot went shoplifting..." 184 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:39,879 Scratch that! 185 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,919 My Dermot never went shoplifting! 186 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,200 He did! 187 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,000 Of course he didn't... 188 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,120 What about this? 189 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,239 "Me and Dermot met in a private school... " Yeah, that's nice! 190 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,799 "recommended by a judge." 191 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:05,359 NO! It's funny but, isn't it? No! It's not funny! 192 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,160 What did Dermot think of this effort? 193 00:11:07,161 --> 00:11:09,319 He didn't come down to Foley's. 194 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,599 I tried to call him but his phone's turned off. 195 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,599 Good luck! 196 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,199 It doesn't take two and a half hours to have a bath. 197 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,119 Maybe he went out to Maria's. 198 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,399 Thanks very much, Mr Foley. There you go. 199 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,039 Huh, kids. What are you going to do, hey? 200 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,639 Hey. Well, with our Nicole we're really lucky. Ah, that's nice. 201 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,919 No, no, she's good as gold... I'll tell you now, hey, Josh and Oliver... 202 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,000 Mr Foley... Agnes fuckin' bored now. Goodnight! 203 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,999 Is there anything I can do? Anything that will cheer you up? 204 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,399 No! Just leave me alone, Mammy! 205 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,959 You don't have to get married! I want to! Then what's wrong? 206 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,919 I just need to think. 207 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,999 That's what you said when your father died. You didn't come out for two feckin' weeks! 208 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,360 And we don't have two weeks, Dermot. 209 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,239 Hiya, Mammy! 210 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,920 Dermot's in the cupboard again! 211 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,679 Hiya, Dermot! Hiya, Cathy. 212 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,880 Do you want tea? No, thanks. 213 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,959 Do you want tea, Mammy? Yes, I've made some. It's on the table. 214 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,240 You're breaking your mother's heart! 215 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,319 Dermot? 216 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,999 The man is here about the wedding video! 217 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,959 Mammy, did you read the book? 218 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,639 Yes. Well? Is it you? 219 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,919 What?! No. For God's sake, Mammy! 220 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:50,159 Well, I've been looking for signs but everywhere I look, I see signs! 221 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,359 Listen... 222 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:56,399 "Many people will have a homosexual experience while in prison." 223 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,679 Dermot was in prison. 224 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,799 Is that why he's in the cupboard? So he can... 225 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,879 "Come out"? 226 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,439 Mammy! No, it's not Dermot. 227 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,479 Well, now, 228 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:15,799 "The homosexual will try on many occasions to give the family hints or signs." 229 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,479 You gave me the book. Are you sure it's not you? 230 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,679 No! If it was me, I'd tell you! 231 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,560 There you are. It's not you or Dermot, 232 00:13:23,561 --> 00:13:26,760 I know it's not Mark, and Trevor's celibate. Which only leaves? 233 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,999 It's me! 234 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,600 Waaah! 235 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:38,359 No, it's not you, Mammy! For God's sake. Thank Jesus! 236 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,920 Think about who you left out. 237 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,159 Rory?! Exactly. 238 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,360 Don't be ridiculous. If it was Rory, he'd have tried to tell me. 239 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,399 Hiya, Agnes, love. 240 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,879 Sit down, Winnie. I want to tell you something. 241 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,959 Jesus, Agnes. What's wrong? 242 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,919 Rory is homosexual. 243 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,559 I know, but what's wrong? 244 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,520 What do you mean, you feckin' know?! 245 00:14:11,521 --> 00:14:13,359 Agnes, everyone knows! 246 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,000 Why didn't you say that in the pub? 247 00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:17,559 Cos I thought you were looking for lesbians! 248 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,440 Feckin' idiot. 249 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,879 "Even the police who arrested us love Dermot..." 250 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,040 Get out! Out! 251 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,039 Here, Do you want me to do anything for the wedding, pet? 252 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,919 No, no, we're all set. It'll be a great day, Agnes! Yeah. 253 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,360 Even though you are losing Dermot. 254 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:37,800 Another one gone, what? 255 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,159 Look, I should go. 256 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,559 I have to get across to the hospital with them clothes for Jacko. 257 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,239 He's coming out for the wedding! Of course he is. 258 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,480 Everything's free! 259 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,399 You know, I have to get two buses across to that hospital. 260 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,199 Two buses over and two buses back? Four buses? Yeah! 261 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,799 Twice a day? Eight buses. 262 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,359 Seven days a week, fifty six buses! 263 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,159 Yeah! If the man had any decency, he'd fuckin' die! 264 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,399 Agnes! 265 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,440 I'm only joking! 266 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,279 It's not a bypass he needs, it's a bus pass! 267 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,919 Well, thank God he's coming home tomorrow! 268 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,439 Yes. I'll tell the bus company, 269 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,760 they can let some staff go! 270 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,999 So, Father... 271 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,039 busy? 272 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,279 Well, er... 273 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,959 No, not too bad. 274 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,599 This time of year tends to be quiet. Oh! 275 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,160 It's open! 276 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,720 I'm so sorry I'm late, Mrs Brown... 277 00:15:42,721 --> 00:15:45,399 Oh, hello, Father Quinn. 278 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,799 Where's Dermot? Yes, Mrs Brown, where IS Dermot? 279 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,559 He's in the cupboard! 280 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:54,359 The cupboard? Are you OK, Dermot? 281 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,239 Yes, love! 282 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,800 Right, then... 283 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,479 let's begin. But the groom is in the cupboard. 284 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,039 How can we have a pre-marriage talk with him in there? 285 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,079 Did you hear that, Dermot? Yes! 286 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,159 He can hear you, Father. Go ahead! 287 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,240 Well... 288 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,799 You two, having declared your intention to marry, 289 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,239 will be asked on the wedding day to make certain vows, 290 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,999 now, not just to each other but to the Lord Almighty himself. Now, do you understand this? 291 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,159 Yes. What vows? 292 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,999 Well, to bring your children up as strong and Christian soldiers. 293 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,319 Are we expecting a war, Father? 294 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:35,679 And you know the church's stance on contraception and divorce? 295 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,840 Yes, and you need to cop on. 296 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:43,440 Look, Father, if you don't play the game, don't make the feckin' rules! 297 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,199 Mrs Brown! 298 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,679 Father, marriages aren't made in heaven, they're made here in Finglas, 299 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,879 or in Birmingham, or Liverpool, or New York. 300 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,480 And it's tough. 301 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,479 You fight with each other, you love each other 302 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,999 and sometimes you'll feckin' hate each other. But with God's help... 303 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,359 Ah, "With God's help..." 304 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,039 God'll help you stay sane, the rest is up to you! 305 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,839 It's about respect and learning to love! 306 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,279 Yes, and children! Learning to love your children, no matter what. 307 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,559 Whether they go to prison, or lock themselves in a feckin' cupboard, 308 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,479 or even if they're homosexual. Am I right, Father? 309 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,799 Well, er... homosexual is a bit... 310 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,839 And if you get it right, and I think these two have got it right... 311 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,799 Oh, Maria, 312 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,840 you can be happy. Happier than you ever thought possible. 313 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,399 There's your pre-marriage chat, Maria... 314 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,880 Do you have anything to add to that, Father? 315 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:38,720 No. 316 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,719 Not a thing. Thank you, Father. 317 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,880 Goodnight and God bless you. 318 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:53,039 Goodnight, Dermot. Father, you're talking to the ironing board now. 319 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,399 Goodnight, Dermot. 320 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,440 Goodnight, Father. 321 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,159 Rory... 322 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,719 I want to talk to you... about your illness. 323 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,079 Mammy, it's not an illness! Well, it's not normal! 324 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,560 Mammy! 325 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:18,959 Fine. 326 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,319 Rory... 327 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,639 what I'm trying to say is... 328 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:27,399 you are what you are. Whatever you are, I will always be your mother. 329 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,759 And I want you to know that it doesn't matter how far we are apart, 330 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,359 or long we are apart, I will always be here waiting... 331 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,679 with a loving heart. 332 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,079 Awww! It's nice, isn't it? Yeah. 333 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,759 I read it on a card! 334 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,039 May you rest in peace. 335 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,239 Mammy! 336 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,840 Sorry. 337 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,959 Rory, what I am trying to say is... 338 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,080 have you ever considered that you might be... homosexual? 339 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,519 Now, I know this comes as a bit of a shock. 340 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:08,719 And you probably want to think about it, but here's a book. Here! 341 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,479 That'll explain everything, 342 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,279 except why Cathy hasn't got a boyfriend even though she's not lesbian or gay. 343 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,159 Mammy! 344 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,279 Sorry. 345 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:20,280 Thanks, Mammy. 346 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,560 Oh, you're hurting Mammy now! 347 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,239 OK, erm... 348 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,840 I'd better go and... read. Do, love. 349 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,120 Well, Mammy, I thought you handled that very well. 350 00:19:41,121 --> 00:19:43,479 It wasn't easy, it was difficult. 351 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:47,079 I hope Rory never has to have that talk with any of his own children. 352 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,959 Dermot, love... 353 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,800 your wedding suit is here. I don't care! 354 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,319 You should go up and have a bath for the big day tomorrow. 355 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,160 No. Go away. 356 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,279 Cathy, what are we going to do? 357 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:15,760 The wedding's tomorrow and we won't all fit in that fuckin' cupboard! 358 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,919 Mrs Brown, I think I have it this time... 359 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,719 Lovely. Leave it on the table, Buster. I'll read it later. 360 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,519 God, Buster, you look exhausted! 361 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,119 I am, Cathy, I haven't slept for two days. 362 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:31,039 Well, you want to sleep tonight. We need you fresh tomorrow! 363 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,039 Don't worry. 364 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:37,119 Hold on, Buster. Yeah? Read this to Mammy and see what she thinks. 365 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:40,719 Leave it there. I'll read it later. No, Mammy. Listen now. Sit down. 366 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:41,880 Here, Buster... 367 00:20:41,881 --> 00:20:43,480 Read! 368 00:20:49,801 --> 00:20:52,639 "Ladies and gentlemen and the Reverend Father." 369 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,840 Yeah, very well done, well done. 370 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,879 "Can you believe that Dermot Brown is married? 371 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,480 "And to such a beautiful girl." 372 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,640 From there. 373 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,519 But you're skipping me joke about the camel, the nun and the coconut! 374 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,999 We'll live... read! 375 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,879 Let's hope the camel does. 376 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,799 "I don't know why Dermo picked me to be his best friend... 377 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,119 "but I'm really glad he did. 378 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:26,000 "All I ever wanted to be when I grew up was Dermot Brown. 379 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,239 "He's the one who makes you laugh 380 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,920 "even when you're in prison." 381 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,480 I'll take that out. 382 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:47,119 "I don't know why, but someone, somewhere looked down on me and thought... 383 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:50,280 "'that eejit needs a guardian angel'... 384 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,800 "and they sent Dermot Brown." 385 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,080 I'm going up for me bath! 386 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,760 So, what do you want changed? 387 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,559 Nothing. I think it's absolutely perfect, Buster. 388 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,680 Oh, yes! 389 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,119 So, Winnie, Jacko's blind now, is he? 390 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:31,719 It was his own fault, Agnes. 391 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,919 He was dying for a cigarette as soon as he got out of that hospital! 392 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,400 If only he'd taken off the oxygen mask! 393 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,199 Yeah. 394 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,199 Whooooo! Wah-hey! 395 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,599 God, I'd nearly go straight myself! 396 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,479 Really?! No! 397 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,199 Not even Father Quinn will be safe today! 398 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,240 Shag off! 399 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,119 Well, well, Cathy. 400 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,119 You look different! 401 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:07,760 So what do you think, Mammy? I think you've never looked more beautiful. 402 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,999 Mammy, that's the suit from Marcelle's window. 403 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,439 Isn't it beautiful? You couldn't afford that. Where did you get it? 404 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:19,400 It was a surprise, I came out of the shower and someone left it on the bed for me! 405 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,479 Grandad, you can't go like that! 406 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,919 Ma, Grandad's stripped again! 407 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,799 Oh, for God's sake, Cathy. I thought I told you to dress him! 408 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,559 Yeah, Mammy, twice already. He keeps taking off the suit! 409 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,599 Well, go back up and put it on him. 410 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,520 And staple the feckin' thing to him if you have to! 411 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,479 Well, at least he's wearing more than Cathy! 412 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,040 Careful, Winnie, you'll end up having a meal through a tube beside Jacko. 413 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,519 "Ladies and gentlemen and the Reverend Father..." 414 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,480 Yeah! We've heard it before. Get out! 415 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,279 Here, Agnes... 416 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,760 remember the excitement the morning of my wedding? 417 00:24:06,761 --> 00:24:08,999 I do. Sure, mine was the same! 418 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,919 I remember standing on the altar and the priest looked at me and he said, 419 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,679 "Agnes, do you take... 420 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,959 "this... to be your lawfully wedded husband?" 421 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:24,719 And I remember, I looked into Jacko's eyes and I whispered, "I do". 422 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:28,679 I remember, I looked into Redser's eyes and I said, 423 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,040 "I'll see." 424 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,719 Here, you had that Father... 425 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,639 Oh, what was his name? Oh, erm... 426 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,599 Father McCrum! Right, Agnes, McCrum. 427 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,679 And in his deep voice, he said, 428 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,959 "I now pronounce you man and wife!" Yes... 429 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,679 and then me waters broke! Yeah! 430 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,999 Well, someone's having a good time! 431 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,919 Hello! Hiya! We were just over at Maria's... 432 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,759 She looks stunning! Does she? And her hair's only fabulous! 433 00:24:58,760 --> 00:24:59,959 Of course! 434 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:02,159 OK, everybody. 435 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,039 It's the big moment. 436 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,439 Ladies and gentlemen... Dermot Brown! 437 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,119 Oh, my God, Dermot... 438 00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:17,919 you look amazing! Thanks, Mammy! 439 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,879 It only feels like yesterday I was bathing you... 440 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,319 It was yesterday! 441 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,479 Dermot, son... 442 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,600 I've never told you that I'm proud of you. 443 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,319 Right. 444 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:38,639 Let's get down to the church and get this thing feckin' started! 445 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,839 Get the flowers! Get the flowers! 446 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,520 I'll get the feckin' flowers! 447 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,759 Well, that's that then... 448 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,080 Another one gone. Huh! 449 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,559 It's always difficult for a mother when another one leaves the nest. 450 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,319 But that's our job, you know, 451 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:05,200 to get them ready to go out into the mad, mad world on their own. 452 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:12,239 It'll be strange to look into Dermot's bedroom and just see an empty bed... 453 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,239 and a stack of dirty magazines! 454 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,839 Mammy! Dermot? 455 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,439 Is there any chance Maria and me can stay here for a while, 456 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,160 just until we get a place of our own? 457 00:26:22,161 --> 00:26:26,399 Of course. You and Maria can stay here for as long as you like. As long as you feckin' like! 458 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,199 Thanks, Ma. That's a load off me mind. 459 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:31,719 It's a load off my mind! 460 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,480 Will I ever get feckin' rid of them? 461 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:40,200 I'll see you, goodbye! 462 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,640 Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net