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It's The Muppet Show with our very
speciaI guest star, Connie Stevens,

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And from Sesame
Street, Ernie and Bert,

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# It's time to play the music

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# It's time to light the lights

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# It's time to meet the Muppets
on The Muppet Show tonight

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# It's time to put on makeup

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# It's time to dress up right

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# It's time to raise the curtain
on The Muppet Show tonight

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Hey! That Gonzo is so dumb, he just
heard that we're running short of water,

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so he wants us to dilute it,

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# To introduce our guest star

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# That's what I'm here to do

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# So it really makes me happy

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# To introduce to you

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Miss Connie Stevens!

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# But now let's get things started
on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI

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# celebrationaI, MuppetationaI

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# This is what we call The Muppet Show

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Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome to The Muppet Show.

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Hey, our speciaI guest star is the
beautifuI and vivacious Miss Connie Stevens,

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So we're gonna have a
great show for you tonight,

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and matter of fact, right now I'd like
you to meet another friend of mine,

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Her name is Lydia, Hit it!

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# Lydia, oh, Lydia,
say, have you met Lydia?

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# Lydia the tattooed lady

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# She has eyes that folks adore so

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# And a torso even more so

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# Lydia, oh, Lydia, that encyclopedia

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# Oh, Lydia the queen of tattoo

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# On her back is the
battle of Waterloo

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# Beside it the wreck
of the Hesperus too

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# And proudly above waves
the red, white and blue

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# You can learn a lot from Lydia

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# La da daa

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# Da da dum

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# La da daa

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# Da da dum

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# She can give you a view
of the world in tattoo

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# If you step up and tell her where

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# For a dime you can
see Kankakee or Paris

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# Or Washington crossing the Delaware

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# La da daa

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# Da da dum

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# Loo doo doo

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# Doo doo

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# Lydia, oh, Lydia,
say, have you met Lydia?

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# Oh, Lydia the tattooed lady

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# When her muscles start relaxing

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# Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson

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# Lydia, oh, Lydia,
oh, have you met Lydia?

51
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# Oh, Lydia the champ of them all

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# She once swept an
admiraI clear off his feet

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# The ships on her hips
made his heart skip a beat

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# And now the old boy's
in command of the fleet

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# For he went and married Lydia

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Oh, uh, Piggy, Have you met Lydia?

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No, Have you met my left fist?
- Hmm?

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I love it, I love it,

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Of course he loves it, He's the
kind of guy who plants poison ivy,

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Hilda, Hilda, Could I
ask a great big favor?

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Oh, Gonzo, I'm very busy right now,

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Oh, but I brought my teddy bear in
just especially for you to repair,

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Gonzo, aren't you a little old
to carry around a teddy bear?

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Really? You think I'm emotionally mature
enough to move up to a Raggedy Ann?

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Gonzo, I categorically,
absolutely refuse

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to repair that teddy bear,

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Can I take that to mean "maybe"?
- Oh!

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Oh, come on, Hilda,
What do you say? Huh?

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I say that bear is the worst thing
I have ever seen in this theater,

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Why not get rid of him?

71
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But, but Hilda...

72
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The bear is the worst thing
she's ever seen in this theater?

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My whole life is
flashing before my eyes,

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English word der Swedish meatballs,

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Here is der sauce der meatballs,

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Das good, Oop!

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Oh,

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Is a beencey bouncy burger, eh?

79
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I serve de burger...

80
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1 5-love,

81
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Kermit, this is an ultimatum,
We sing tonight or else,

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Kermit's not here, Wayne,
- Hmm, Hiding from my wrath, no doubt,

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That's funny, He's
not on stage, either,

84
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Wanda, no one is on stage,
- You mean...

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Yes, This is our
chance, We must grasp it,

86
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But this is supposed to be the
place for the Connie Stevens spot,

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Oh, we'll cut the Connie Stevens spot,

88
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Who needs the Connie Stevens spot?

89
00:06:03,943 --> 00:06:06,844
Who cares about the
Connie Stevens spot?

90
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I can't wait for the
Connie Stevens spot!

91
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Well, I thought Kermit
was gonna introduce me,

92
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And indeed he shall,
- Hi, Kermit,

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Hi, Connie, Wow, Hey, listen, gang,

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I'd like to introduce that
indefatigable blonde bundle

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of beauty and talent,
Miss Connie Stevens,

96
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Wow!

97
00:06:36,643 --> 00:06:38,634
And that was only your
backstage introduction,

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When you sing your song, I'm
gonna pull out all the stops,

99
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Aw, thanks, Kermit, You're so kind,
- It was my pleasure,

100
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Incidentally, I've been looking
at this number you're gonna do,

101
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and I don't remember
ever hearing it before,

102
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Yeah, well, when I get done with
it, you may never hear it again,

103
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Listen, it was a big hit back in the '50s,
- Oh, yeah?

104
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And I would like to dedicate this
to my old boyfriend, Jimmy McAfee,

105
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He used to sing this to me in his hot
rod back in 1 956, in the front seat,

106
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Oh, yeah? Your first love, huh?
- Yeah,

107
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Sure was a beautifuI car,

108
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I... I, I meant Jimmy McAfee,

109
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Oh, yeah, Jimmy McAfee,

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Kermit, boy, did I love him,

111
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He had this long, thick,
greasy hair, you know,

112
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And he used to wear
this big leather jacket,

113
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And you know something? If
we had saved Jimmy's hair

114
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we wouldn't have any
oiI shortage today,

115
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I can't wait to hear the song, And like I told
you earlier, we got a group to back you up,

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Fantastic!

117
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Is that the group?
- Yep, You called it,

118
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Well, they aren't The Temptations,

119
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No, those are The Mutations,

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DelightfuI,
- Yeah, Well, I tell you what,

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I'm gonna go out there, and give you a big
1 950s disc-jockey style introduction, OK?

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OK,
- Whoo!

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This is Kermit the
Frog, your favorite jock,

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with all the top tunes of today
spinning merrily out your way,

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Stacks and stacks of wax and wax, and this
is a golden oldie, a blast from the past,

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The fabulous Connie
Stevens and The Mutations

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with a platter that
mattered way back in 1 956,

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Let's lock on "Teenager In
Love," Connie, you're on!

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# Each time we have a quarreI

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# It almost breaks my heart

131
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# 'Cause I am so afraid

132
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# That we will have to part

133
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# Each night I ask the stars up above

134
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# Why must I be a teenager in love?

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# I cried a tear

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# For nobody but you

137
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# I'd be the lonely one

138
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# If you should say we're through

139
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# Well, if you want to make me cry

140
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# That won't be so hard to do

141
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# And if you should say goodbye

142
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# I'll still go on loving you

143
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# 'Cause each night I
ask the stars up above

144
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# Why must I be a teenager in love?

145
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# Why must I be a teenager

146
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# In love?

147
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Ah, how poignant, I remember
being a teenager in love,

148
00:09:58,811 --> 00:10:02,303
Yeah, but Queen Victoria
wouldn't have you!

149
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Kermit, don't tell me
you don't like him either,

150
00:10:07,453 --> 00:10:11,856
Well, what's to like, Gonzo? That bear is
the worst, I say let's get rid of him, OK?

151
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But he's a nice bear, Come on, I don't
care if he is moldy-looking, I like him,

152
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Did you hear? Only Gonzo likes me,

153
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And he thinks I'm moldy,

154
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I see they've finally started
to class this place up,

155
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How do you mean?
- They're making the rats wear neckties,

156
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...two, three, dip,
One, two, three, dip,

157
00:10:45,925 --> 00:10:47,722
One, two, three, dip,

158
00:10:49,028 --> 00:10:50,723
One, two, three, dip,

159
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Bruce, this is not a fox trot,

160
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It is to me,

161
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# No one to talk with, all by myself

162
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# No one to walk with,
but I'm happy on the shelf

163
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# Ain't misbehavin',
savin' my love for you

164
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:23,524
Sca-da-ba-da-doo

165
00:11:23,596 --> 00:11:28,124
# I know for certain the one I love

166
00:11:28,201 --> 00:11:32,604
# I'm through with flirting,
it's just you I'm dreaming of

167
00:11:32,672 --> 00:11:37,905
# Ain't misbehavin',
savin' my love for you

168
00:11:41,714 --> 00:11:46,117
# Like Jack Horner in the corner

169
00:11:46,185 --> 00:11:50,622
# Don't go nowhere, what do I care?

170
00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:56,424
# Your kisses are worth waiting for

171
00:11:56,496 --> 00:11:59,226
# Believe me

172
00:11:59,298 --> 00:12:04,031
# I don't stay out
late, don't care to go

173
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# I'm home about eight,
just me and my radio

174
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# Ain't misbehavin',
savin' my love for you

175
00:12:32,131 --> 00:12:35,157
# Believe me

176
00:12:35,234 --> 00:12:39,933
# I don't stay out
late, don't care to go

177
00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:44,443
# I'm home about 8,
just me and my radio

178
00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:49,948
# Ain't misbehaving,
saving my love for you

179
00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:52,577
Be-ba-da-bom

180
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Ahh!

181
00:13:01,494 --> 00:13:03,724
Uh, Connie, at last...

182
00:13:06,032 --> 00:13:09,490
- ... we're alone,
- You know something?

183
00:13:09,569 --> 00:13:12,402
I think it's terrific being with you,

184
00:13:12,472 --> 00:13:16,033
Oh, yeah?

185
00:13:16,109 --> 00:13:23,015
# Why do stars fall
down from the skies

186
00:13:23,082 --> 00:13:28,782
# Every time you walk by?

187
00:13:28,855 --> 00:13:31,551
# Just like me

188
00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:35,025
# They long to be

189
00:13:35,094 --> 00:13:37,756
# Close to you

190
00:13:39,966 --> 00:13:44,994
Aaa-aaa-aahh

191
00:13:45,071 --> 00:13:49,906
# Close to you

192
00:13:49,976 --> 00:13:54,640
Aaa-aaa-aahh

193
00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:58,115
# Close to you

194
00:13:59,652 --> 00:14:04,055
# On the day that you were
born the angels got together

195
00:14:04,123 --> 00:14:08,457
# And decided to
create a dream come true

196
00:14:08,528 --> 00:14:11,964
# So they sprinkled moon
dust in your hair of green

197
00:14:12,031 --> 00:14:18,095
# And starlight in your eyes of blue

198
00:14:18,171 --> 00:14:23,131
# That is why all the girls in town

199
00:14:23,209 --> 00:14:28,806
# Follow you around

200
00:14:28,881 --> 00:14:30,781
# Ooh, just like me

201
00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:33,080
# They long to be

202
00:14:33,152 --> 00:14:35,677
# Close to you

203
00:14:35,755 --> 00:14:37,882
Are you ready, fellas?

204
00:14:37,957 --> 00:14:40,289
# Just like me

205
00:14:40,359 --> 00:14:42,589
# They long to be

206
00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:45,028
# Close

207
00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:47,395
# To

208
00:14:47,466 --> 00:14:53,166
# You

209
00:14:58,678 --> 00:15:03,012
I'd like to get close to Connie Stevens,
but I'm too close to something else,

210
00:15:03,082 --> 00:15:05,073
Well, what's that?
- 90,

211
00:15:08,588 --> 00:15:13,150
I've had it, Now that I know
what people think of me here,

212
00:15:13,226 --> 00:15:16,195
I'm leaving the show,

213
00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:19,857
Oh, hi, guys, Say, I'm
curious, What do you think of him?

214
00:15:19,932 --> 00:15:23,925
Listen, they're talking about
me, Well, I will not listen,

215
00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:27,029
What do I think of the
bear? Why, he's funny,

216
00:15:27,106 --> 00:15:31,167
No, no, really, Every time I look at
him he makes me want to laugh and laugh,

217
00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:35,578
Oh, I think he's just great,
- Oh, well, I'm glad you like him too,

218
00:15:35,648 --> 00:15:37,445
Kermit thinks it's a
disgrace to have him around

219
00:15:37,516 --> 00:15:39,643
and says we ought to get a new one,

220
00:15:39,719 --> 00:15:41,778
Well, that'd be nice too,

221
00:15:43,990 --> 00:15:46,982
The bear can barely bear it, folks,

222
00:15:51,697 --> 00:15:55,133
OK, Zoot, It's time for your solo,
Have you looked over the music?

223
00:15:55,201 --> 00:15:59,968
Yeah, You expect me to play this, man?
- What else would you do with it?

224
00:16:00,039 --> 00:16:03,236
If I had a match I could
put it out of its misery,

225
00:16:03,309 --> 00:16:05,743
Don't joke me, Zoot, This
is a great little number,

226
00:16:05,811 --> 00:16:08,905
Yeah, What if I refuse to play it?

227
00:16:08,981 --> 00:16:11,347
What if I get a new sax player?

228
00:16:12,685 --> 00:16:17,884
What if you and I just get right
down to it and do this little beauty?

229
00:16:17,957 --> 00:16:20,118
Good thought,
- Yeah,

230
00:16:21,627 --> 00:16:25,393
Forgive me, Charlie
Parker, wherever you are,

231
00:17:55,287 --> 00:17:58,085
OK, And now, for your
amazement and confusion,

232
00:17:58,157 --> 00:18:01,820
The Muppet Show's resident
weird person, Gonzo the Great,

233
00:18:01,894 --> 00:18:03,919
will grow a tomato plant

234
00:18:03,996 --> 00:18:08,524
whilst playing the 1 8 1
2 Overture on the violin,

235
00:18:10,369 --> 00:18:12,098
Thank you, thank you,

236
00:18:12,171 --> 00:18:17,040
This is the tomato
plant, and I am the Gonzo,

237
00:18:17,977 --> 00:18:19,808
This act may not last long,

238
00:18:19,879 --> 00:18:21,870
Whoo!
Whee-aaa-hahah! -

239
00:18:21,947 --> 00:18:23,915
In fact, it's over,

240
00:18:23,983 --> 00:18:26,349
No! Get off me!

241
00:18:30,189 --> 00:18:32,180
Well, they're gonna
be tied up for a while,

242
00:18:32,258 --> 00:18:35,523
Goodbye, Mr, Frog,
- Uh, Fozzie? Where are you going?

243
00:18:35,594 --> 00:18:38,893
Oh, I've been hearing what they've
been saying about the old bear here,

244
00:18:38,964 --> 00:18:43,128
so I'm going home, I'm
leaving the show business,

245
00:18:43,202 --> 00:18:44,260
But...
- Kermit,

246
00:18:44,336 --> 00:18:47,464
Bye,
- If the bear goes, I go,

247
00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:52,409
Wha... Gonzo, I never
realized! Oh, boy, oh, boy, OK,

248
00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:55,879
OK, The ball is in your court, frog,

249
00:18:55,948 --> 00:18:58,781
Uh, wait a minute, Wait a minute,
wait a minute, Hold it, Hold it,

250
00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:00,785
Listen, Fozzie, when
you heard people saying

251
00:19:00,853 --> 00:19:04,482
they didn't want the bear around here,
they were referring to Gonzo's teddy bear,

252
00:19:04,557 --> 00:19:07,219
Not to you,

253
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:09,488
Teddy bear?

254
00:19:09,562 --> 00:19:12,429
Oh, you mean... Then you really
want me to stay on the show?

255
00:19:12,498 --> 00:19:15,058
Of course I want you to stay
on the show, You're a star,

256
00:19:15,134 --> 00:19:18,160
You're a legend in your own time,
- Oh!

257
00:19:18,237 --> 00:19:21,638
Am I laying it on a little too thick?
- Oh, I don't know what to say,

258
00:19:21,707 --> 00:19:27,009
except that if you, the frog,
want me, the bear, to stay, then...

259
00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:29,513
I just have to have a raise,
- What?

260
00:19:29,582 --> 00:19:32,847
Oh, yeah, Yeah, I want an even bigger
dressing room, and a limousine...

261
00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:36,410
Will you get out of here, Fozzie?
- Thank you, sir, Thank you, Thank you,

262
00:19:36,489 --> 00:19:40,949
Yeah, well, like I was saying, Kermit,
if the bear goes, the Gonzo goes,

263
00:19:41,026 --> 00:19:42,015
OK, OK,

264
00:19:42,094 --> 00:19:46,394
You can stay, The teddy bear can stay,
Both bears can stay, The Gonzo can stay,

265
00:19:46,465 --> 00:19:47,489
Phew!

266
00:19:47,566 --> 00:19:53,061
Sometimes the crown weighs rather
heavy on this little froggy head,

267
00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:56,972
Here's
a Muppet news flash,

268
00:19:57,042 --> 00:20:01,570
And now, to Washington DC for
a direct call on our hot line,

269
00:20:01,647 --> 00:20:03,046
Ooh! Oh! Oh!

270
00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,949
And now it's time to present
two old friends of ours,

271
00:20:07,019 --> 00:20:10,284
All the way from Sesame Street,
here they are now, the two and only,

272
00:20:10,356 --> 00:20:12,381
Ernie and Bert,

273
00:20:14,126 --> 00:20:16,390
Thank you, thank you, thank you,

274
00:20:16,462 --> 00:20:19,454
Gee, it's really great
to be here, Right, Bert?

275
00:20:19,532 --> 00:20:21,466
Uh... Guess so,

276
00:20:21,534 --> 00:20:24,230
Well, what's wrong, Bert?
- Well, I mean, uh...

277
00:20:24,303 --> 00:20:29,002
I feeI funny being here, This is
a big TV variety show, you know,

278
00:20:29,074 --> 00:20:31,941
Well, so?
- Well, I... I'm no performer,

279
00:20:32,011 --> 00:20:35,105
Oh, Bert, A suave, sophisticated
showman like you, Bert?

280
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:36,875
Oh, sure, sure, You see, I know you,

281
00:20:36,949 --> 00:20:39,713
You're gonna keep on saying
I'm suave and sophisticated,

282
00:20:39,785 --> 00:20:44,051
and then when I start to believe it, then
you're gonna say how pointy head I have,

283
00:20:44,123 --> 00:20:47,650
and how floppy arms I have,
and, and how dull I am,

284
00:20:47,726 --> 00:20:49,091
I know you,
- Oh, Bert, Bert, Bert,

285
00:20:49,161 --> 00:20:50,958
What?
- Now, you must admit, though, Bert,

286
00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:53,692
that the head up there is
a little bit pointy, Bert,

287
00:20:53,766 --> 00:20:56,792
And you must admit that the arms are
a little bit floppy and soggy, Bert,

288
00:20:56,869 --> 00:20:58,302
See that? -
Mm-hm, Mm-hm, Mm-hm,

289
00:20:58,370 --> 00:21:00,600
And Bert? Bert?
- What?

290
00:21:00,673 --> 00:21:03,073
The nose is still loose, Bert,

291
00:21:05,477 --> 00:21:09,504
Now cut that out!
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Bert, Here,

292
00:21:10,649 --> 00:21:12,549
There we go, Bert,
- Yeah, See what I mean?

293
00:21:12,618 --> 00:21:16,145
I mean, that old loose nose
joke is funny on Sesame Street,

294
00:21:16,221 --> 00:21:18,781
but this is big time, Ernie,

295
00:21:18,857 --> 00:21:20,620
I mean, they're expecting
an act or something...

296
00:21:20,693 --> 00:21:21,853
Hey, Bert, wait a minute,
- What?

297
00:21:21,927 --> 00:21:22,985
You can do an act,

298
00:21:23,062 --> 00:21:25,963
All you need are the clothes, Bert,
- Ah, no... Clothes?

299
00:21:26,031 --> 00:21:27,521
Come here, Bert, Step right over here,
- No, I... No, stop it...

300
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,728
No, no, right over here, Bert,
- I know what you have in mind, Stop it!

301
00:21:33,405 --> 00:21:36,568
And here he is now, that
suave, sophisticated showman,

302
00:21:36,642 --> 00:21:39,304
my old buddy, Bert,

303
00:21:41,246 --> 00:21:43,373
Well, Bert? What do you say?

304
00:21:44,383 --> 00:21:48,319
# Some enchanted evening

305
00:21:48,387 --> 00:21:52,983
Beg pardon, Bert?
- # You may see a stranger

306
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,619
What's going on here?

307
00:21:56,695 --> 00:21:59,323
# You may see a stranger

308
00:21:59,398 --> 00:22:03,232
# Across a crowded room

309
00:22:03,302 --> 00:22:07,295
# And somehow you know

310
00:22:07,373 --> 00:22:11,434
# You know even then

311
00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:14,445
# That somewhere you'll see her

312
00:22:14,513 --> 00:22:19,109
# Again and again

313
00:22:21,153 --> 00:22:23,747
# Who can explain it?

314
00:22:23,822 --> 00:22:26,313
# Who can tell you why?

315
00:22:26,392 --> 00:22:29,725
# Fools give you reasons

316
00:22:29,795 --> 00:22:33,128
# Wise men never

317
00:22:33,198 --> 00:22:36,292
# Try

318
00:23:01,794 --> 00:23:03,785
Oh, Connie,

319
00:23:12,371 --> 00:23:15,340
# Once you have found her

320
00:23:15,407 --> 00:23:17,841
# Never let her go

321
00:23:18,844 --> 00:23:22,439
# Once you have found her

322
00:23:22,514 --> 00:23:25,415
# Never

323
00:23:25,484 --> 00:23:28,282
# Let her

324
00:23:28,353 --> 00:23:34,155
# Go

325
00:23:43,569 --> 00:23:46,037
Ernie?
- Hmm?

326
00:23:46,105 --> 00:23:47,697
Ernie, come here,
- What, Bert?

327
00:23:47,773 --> 00:23:51,038
Did I just make a
complete fooI of myself?

328
00:23:52,044 --> 00:23:54,205
Absolutely, Bert,

329
00:23:54,279 --> 00:23:58,306
Take me home, I feeI terrible,
- OK, Come on, Bert,

330
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,380
Well, Connie, we sure want to thank you
for being with us on the show tonight,

331
00:24:04,456 --> 00:24:06,583
Well, thank you, Kermit, I had a ball,

332
00:24:06,658 --> 00:24:09,320
Uh, listen, Hey, we'd also like
to present you with a little gift

333
00:24:09,394 --> 00:24:11,055
that we give to all our
guest stars on the show:

334
00:24:11,130 --> 00:24:13,598
a Muppet likeness of yourself,

335
00:24:13,665 --> 00:24:17,692
Uh, hiya, Connie, Do you think there's
room for two of us in this business?

336
00:24:17,770 --> 00:24:20,432
Well, can you sing and dance?
- Uh, no,

337
00:24:20,506 --> 00:24:22,201
Well, then, there's plenty of room,

338
00:24:22,274 --> 00:24:26,210
Thanks a lot, Kermit, This is a lovely
surprise, I would like to thank...

339
00:24:26,278 --> 00:24:27,973
Oh, no,

340
00:24:28,046 --> 00:24:29,343
It's a...

341
00:24:29,414 --> 00:24:32,941
It's a crazy Great Gonzo tomato
plant! Hey, make sure Connie's OK,

342
00:24:33,018 --> 00:24:36,249
and tell Gonzo that either
the plant goes or he goes,

343
00:24:36,321 --> 00:24:38,221
We lose more guests that way,

344
00:24:38,290 --> 00:24:42,226
Anyhow, take care of yourselves, and
we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

345
00:25:22,935 --> 00:25:25,529
Well, do you think this
show is educationaI?

346
00:25:25,604 --> 00:25:29,131
Yes, it'll drive people to read books,