1 00:00:11,091 --> 00:00:16,290 It's The Muppet Show, with our speciaI guest star, Mr, Charles Aznavour, 2 00:00:24,905 --> 00:00:26,873 # It's time to play the music 3 00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:28,931 # It's time to light the lights 4 00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:33,139 # It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight 5 00:00:33,213 --> 00:00:35,147 # It's time to put on makeup 6 00:00:35,215 --> 00:00:37,274 # It's time to dress up right 7 00:00:37,351 --> 00:00:41,310 # It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight 8 00:00:43,423 --> 00:00:49,419 I don't approve of belly dancers, Why can't they dance on the floor like everyone else? 9 00:00:50,797 --> 00:00:52,822 # To introduce our guest star 10 00:00:52,899 --> 00:00:54,662 # That's what I'm here to do 11 00:00:54,735 --> 00:00:56,930 # So it really makes me happy 12 00:00:57,003 --> 00:00:59,028 # To introduce to you 13 00:00:59,106 --> 00:01:01,631 Mr, Charles Aznavour! 14 00:01:07,881 --> 00:01:11,612 # But now let's get things started on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI 15 00:01:11,685 --> 00:01:13,812 # CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI 16 00:01:13,887 --> 00:01:16,412 # This is what we call 17 00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:20,017 # The Muppet Show 18 00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:30,295 Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, 19 00:01:30,370 --> 00:01:33,339 Fozzie, what are you doing? - I'm checking the house, 20 00:01:33,407 --> 00:01:36,240 Will you get out of here? - Sorry, 21 00:01:36,309 --> 00:01:39,039 Bonsoir, bonsoir, mesdames et messieurs. 22 00:01:39,112 --> 00:01:42,445 That's ladies and gentlemen, You'll notice a little French sneaking into my speech, 23 00:01:42,516 --> 00:01:44,609 and that's because our speciaI guest tonight is none other 24 00:01:44,684 --> 00:01:47,517 than that internationaI star Mr, Charles Aznavour, 25 00:01:47,587 --> 00:01:50,021 But right now let's raise the curtain, strike up the band, 26 00:01:50,090 --> 00:01:53,355 and get things moving on The Muppet Show. 27 00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:03,796 # Tonight 28 00:02:04,037 --> 00:02:06,096 # Tonight 29 00:02:06,173 --> 00:02:10,007 # Won't be just any night 30 00:02:10,076 --> 00:02:12,636 Oh, he will soon be here, 31 00:02:12,712 --> 00:02:15,909 Be still, my aching heart, 32 00:02:15,982 --> 00:02:17,882 # I feeI pretty 33 00:02:17,951 --> 00:02:19,714 # Oh, so pretty 34 00:02:19,786 --> 00:02:23,552 # I feeI pretty and witty and bright 35 00:02:23,623 --> 00:02:29,027 (voice becomes squeakier # And I pity any girI who isn't me tonight 36 00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:32,964 # I feeI charming 37 00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:34,898 # Oh, so charming 38 00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:38,734 # It's alarming how charming I feeI 39 00:02:38,805 --> 00:02:40,773 # And so pretty 40 00:02:40,841 --> 00:02:44,971 # That I hardly can believe I'm reaI 41 00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:51,214 - # See the pretty girI in that mirror there - # What mirror? Where? 42 00:02:51,284 --> 00:02:55,050 - # Who can that attractive girI be? - # Which? What? Where? Whom? 43 00:02:55,121 --> 00:02:56,918 - # Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress - # Whom? Whom? 44 00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,890 - # Such a pretty smile - # Such a pretty me 45 00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:01,689 - # Such a pretty me - # Such a pretty me 46 00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:03,524 # I feeI stunning 47 00:03:03,597 --> 00:03:05,531 # And entrancing 48 00:03:05,599 --> 00:03:09,535 # FeeI like running and dancing for joy 49 00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:11,366 # For I'm loved 50 00:03:11,438 --> 00:03:18,207 # By a pretty wonderfuI boy 51 00:03:18,278 --> 00:03:20,769 Come in, - Hiya, honey, 52 00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:22,838 Ooh! 53 00:03:30,056 --> 00:03:32,524 Kermit, are you busy? 54 00:03:32,592 --> 00:03:35,527 Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a moment, 55 00:03:35,595 --> 00:03:38,189 What would I do with your ear? 56 00:03:38,265 --> 00:03:39,994 Van Gogh impressions, - Oh, 57 00:03:40,066 --> 00:03:44,935 Gonzo, do you have to take everything so literally? It's just an expression, 58 00:03:45,005 --> 00:03:47,769 Kermit, what I wanted to know was... was... uh, you know, 59 00:03:47,841 --> 00:03:52,403 I've noticed that I haven't been on... on stage for the last couple of shows, 60 00:03:52,479 --> 00:03:55,346 Good observation, - Yeah, well... 61 00:03:55,415 --> 00:03:57,747 Kermit, I have a lot of fans out there, see, 62 00:03:57,817 --> 00:04:00,877 who are waiting to see my latest theatricaI creation, 63 00:04:00,954 --> 00:04:04,446 Gonzo, I have seen you eat a rubber tire to music, 64 00:04:04,524 --> 00:04:07,391 and I have seen you play a concert on your head with a mallet, 65 00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:10,054 Yeah, - And, Gonzo, my dear friend, 66 00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:11,722 it doesn't work, 67 00:04:11,798 --> 00:04:14,790 What? Kermit, you... I don't... 68 00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:17,359 You gotta understand, I don't play for the masses, 69 00:04:17,437 --> 00:04:20,065 I'm an artist, You understand that? An artist, 70 00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:23,803 Yeah, well, then you should've gotten my Van Gogh joke, 71 00:04:23,877 --> 00:04:26,937 Listen, Gonzo, why don't you get yourself a manager? 72 00:04:27,013 --> 00:04:29,948 You know, somebody who could guide your career, 73 00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:33,452 Yeah? All right, OK, I will, All right, 74 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,613 I'll do that and then you'll see, 75 00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:40,149 You'll all see because there's only one Great Gonzo, Only one! 76 00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:42,456 Thank goodness for that, 77 00:04:42,529 --> 00:04:44,622 Yeah, yokeI! Rube! 78 00:04:44,965 --> 00:04:46,523 Hey, Hey, Kermit? - Mm? 79 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,160 The Great Gonzo wants me to manage him, 80 00:04:49,235 --> 00:04:52,466 Yeah, Scooter understands the souI of a true artist, 81 00:04:52,539 --> 00:04:54,871 Mm-hmm, - Yeah, but, Scooter, I hired you as a gofer, 82 00:04:54,941 --> 00:04:56,841 Gofer coffee, gofer sandwiches, remember? 83 00:04:56,910 --> 00:05:01,210 Yeah, well, I can still do that, but Gonzo needs personaI management, 84 00:05:01,281 --> 00:05:03,476 Oh, I do, Kermit, I truly do, 85 00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,882 Yeah, I'm gonna change his whole repertoiry, 86 00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:09,786 I'm gonna have him do a rock act, - A rock act? But Gonzo can't sing, 87 00:05:09,856 --> 00:05:12,450 No, no, I mean a rock act, Show him, Gonzo, 88 00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:15,358 Yeah, watch, 89 00:05:15,428 --> 00:05:17,191 OK, hit it, kid, - OK, 90 00:05:19,532 --> 00:05:22,695 Art! Art! Art! 91 00:05:22,769 --> 00:05:24,930 Out! Out! Out! 92 00:05:28,375 --> 00:05:31,105 And now, "Veterinarian's Hospital, " 93 00:05:31,177 --> 00:05:34,738 the continuing story of a former orthopedic surgeon 94 00:05:34,814 --> 00:05:36,907 who's gone to the dogs. 95 00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:47,388 This is D for "Doc," B for "Bob," saying turn off the joy juice, 96 00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:48,154 Hm? 97 00:05:48,228 --> 00:05:53,131 Yeah, ten-roger, OK, Now, where were we? Uh, pulse, 98 00:05:53,199 --> 00:05:54,723 Oh, 99 00:05:54,801 --> 00:05:56,792 No pulse, Dr, Bob, 100 00:05:56,870 --> 00:06:00,237 Heartbeat? - No heartbeat, Dr, Bob, 101 00:06:00,306 --> 00:06:03,833 No pulse, no heartbeat, no use, He's gone, 102 00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:07,277 Oh, four hours operating and he went just like that, 103 00:06:07,347 --> 00:06:11,215 Yes, doesn't the time go fast when you're having fun? 104 00:06:11,284 --> 00:06:16,347 Too bad, Dr, Bob, Your record was so good, You saved nine out of ten, 105 00:06:16,423 --> 00:06:20,723 My record is still good, This week he was number ten, 106 00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:23,160 So Dr. Bob's record is still good. 107 00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:27,131 It's now ten on the medical hit parade, with a bullet. 108 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,601 Tune in next week when we'll hear Nurse Piggy say. 109 00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:33,332 I hope no one hears about this, Dr, Bob, 110 00:06:33,406 --> 00:06:36,170 Well, at least he won't say anything, 111 00:06:36,242 --> 00:06:38,437 I get it! 112 00:06:41,347 --> 00:06:45,374 Hilda, you can't imagine how hungry I get before a performance, 113 00:06:45,452 --> 00:06:48,421 so thank you for having this supper sent in for me, 114 00:06:48,488 --> 00:06:52,288 It is my pleasure, It's everything that you ordered, 115 00:06:52,358 --> 00:06:57,762 There is... there is roast chicken, and salad, and French bread, 116 00:06:57,831 --> 00:07:00,459 But, Hilda, this is not French bread, 117 00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:04,401 Voyons, cheri, mais j'ai I'accent francais. 118 00:07:05,772 --> 00:07:08,434 Of course, I could be wrong, 119 00:07:18,218 --> 00:07:20,379 George, George! - Yeah? 120 00:07:20,453 --> 00:07:23,718 Do you read very much? - Oh, all the time, 121 00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:24,688 Oh, 122 00:07:24,758 --> 00:07:27,454 Do you like Kipling? - Oh, well, I don't know, 123 00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:29,825 I never Kippled, 124 00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:35,095 I don't know why, but I just love you, 125 00:07:35,168 --> 00:07:38,763 Well, you know how it is with us bananas, We have appeaI, 126 00:07:38,838 --> 00:07:41,329 Get it? A peeI, 127 00:07:45,578 --> 00:07:50,709 What is it you do for a living? - Oh, uh, I'm a garbageman, 128 00:07:50,784 --> 00:07:53,116 That's fantastic, 129 00:07:53,186 --> 00:07:56,053 Do you deliver? - Well, yes, 130 00:07:57,423 --> 00:08:01,382 Come on, baby, Let's go do what we bananas do best, 131 00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:03,895 What's that? - Split, 132 00:08:06,766 --> 00:08:10,167 Do you know what it's like dancing with you? 133 00:08:10,236 --> 00:08:11,863 No, What? 134 00:08:11,938 --> 00:08:13,769 One, two, three, dip! 135 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,137 Aargh! 136 00:08:15,208 --> 00:08:17,870 Oh, I love it, More! More! 137 00:08:17,944 --> 00:08:19,809 One, two, three, dip, 138 00:08:19,879 --> 00:08:21,608 Yeah! More! More! 139 00:08:27,253 --> 00:08:29,244 # Oh me, oh my, oh you 140 00:08:29,322 --> 00:08:31,586 # Whatever shall I do? 141 00:08:31,658 --> 00:08:33,387 # Hallelujah 142 00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:35,450 # The question is peculiar 143 00:08:35,528 --> 00:08:37,496 # I'd give a lot of dough 144 00:08:37,564 --> 00:08:39,555 # If I could only know 145 00:08:39,632 --> 00:08:41,429 # The answer to my question 146 00:08:41,501 --> 00:08:44,197 # Is it yes or is it no? 147 00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:47,899 # Does your chewing gum lose its flavor 148 00:08:47,974 --> 00:08:49,908 # On the bedpost overnight? 149 00:08:49,976 --> 00:08:51,944 # If your mother says don't chew it 150 00:08:52,011 --> 00:08:54,002 # Do you swallow it in spite? 151 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,048 # Can you catch it on your tonsils? 152 00:08:56,115 --> 00:08:58,083 # Can you heave it left and right? 153 00:08:58,151 --> 00:09:00,051 # Does your chewing gum lose its flavor 154 00:09:00,119 --> 00:09:02,713 # On the bedpost overnight? 155 00:09:03,523 --> 00:09:05,320 Aha! 156 00:09:05,391 --> 00:09:06,483 Yee-ha! 157 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:08,322 # The nation drives as one 158 00:09:08,394 --> 00:09:10,589 # To send their honored son 159 00:09:10,663 --> 00:09:12,426 # To the White House 160 00:09:12,498 --> 00:09:14,466 # The nation's only White House 161 00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:16,525 # To voice their discontent 162 00:09:16,603 --> 00:09:18,537 # Unto the president 163 00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:20,368 # Upon the burning question 164 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,931 # That has swept this continent 165 00:09:23,009 --> 00:09:26,536 The question is, how do you drive a baby buggy? 166 00:09:26,613 --> 00:09:29,138 I don't know, how do you drive a baby buggy? 167 00:09:29,215 --> 00:09:32,048 You tickle its feet! 168 00:09:33,186 --> 00:09:36,917 # Does your chewing gum lose its flavor 169 00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:38,924 # On the bedpost overnight? 170 00:09:38,992 --> 00:09:40,687 # If you pull it out like rubber 171 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,955 # Will it snap right back and bite? 172 00:09:43,029 --> 00:09:44,963 # If you paste it on the left side 173 00:09:45,031 --> 00:09:47,022 # Will you find it on the right? 174 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,000 # Does your chewing gum lose its flavor 175 00:09:49,068 --> 00:09:50,831 # On the bedpost overnight? 176 00:09:50,904 --> 00:09:55,204 # On the bedpost over 177 00:09:55,275 --> 00:09:57,300 # I told you that I love you and I wanna hold you tight 178 00:09:57,377 --> 00:09:59,402 # Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday night 179 00:09:59,479 --> 00:10:03,313 # On the bedpost over 180 00:10:03,383 --> 00:10:05,544 # A dollar is a dollar and a dime is a dime 181 00:10:05,618 --> 00:10:07,586 # He'd sing another chorus, but he hasn't got the time 182 00:10:07,654 --> 00:10:14,958 - # On the bedpost overnight - Whoo-hoo! 183 00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:17,019 Whoo-hoo! - Whoo-hoo! 184 00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:26,528 OK, Charles, I can't tell you how honored we are to have you on our show tonight, 185 00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:28,540 Why, thank you, Kermit, It's my pleasure, 186 00:10:28,608 --> 00:10:31,475 Hey, listen, Can I ask you a question? - Of course, 187 00:10:31,544 --> 00:10:34,274 Well, how come Frenchmen are so lucky in love? 188 00:10:34,347 --> 00:10:37,441 Well, we have a great advantage, you know, 189 00:10:37,517 --> 00:10:39,849 The language, - Language? 190 00:10:39,919 --> 00:10:41,716 Yes, You know that French is the language of love, 191 00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:45,986 so if you want to be a great ladies' man, learn French, 192 00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:49,187 Well, that wouldn't help me, You see, none of the girls I know speak French, 193 00:10:49,262 --> 00:10:52,288 That doesn't matter, In fact, sometimes it helps, 194 00:10:52,365 --> 00:10:54,993 I don't follow, - I will show you, 195 00:10:55,068 --> 00:10:57,696 Piggy? Mademoiselle Piggy, would you come here, please? 196 00:10:57,770 --> 00:10:59,032 Mm-hm? 197 00:10:59,105 --> 00:11:01,596 She doesn't speak French, I suppose? 198 00:11:01,674 --> 00:11:03,869 No, she doesn't speak a word of French, - Good, 199 00:11:03,943 --> 00:11:06,138 Yes, Charles? - Vous savez, 200 00:11:06,212 --> 00:11:09,704 votre carter a une fuite et votre transmission s'ecroule. 201 00:11:09,782 --> 00:11:11,044 Oh! 202 00:11:11,117 --> 00:11:14,177 Oh, Charles, - Mm-hm, 203 00:11:14,253 --> 00:11:16,983 Oh, Oh, - Uh, oui. 204 00:11:17,056 --> 00:11:20,548 Hey, listen, you really got to her, What did you say? 205 00:11:20,626 --> 00:11:25,825 I said, "Your oiI filter has a leak and your transmission is sagging," 206 00:11:25,898 --> 00:11:27,627 That's incredible, 207 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:29,065 One more demonstration? - Yeah, 208 00:11:29,135 --> 00:11:32,434 You know what I'm gonna say? I'm gonna whisper in her ear 209 00:11:32,505 --> 00:11:35,599 the telephone number of Paris garbage dump, you know? 210 00:11:35,675 --> 00:11:37,074 Paris garbage dump, 211 00:11:37,143 --> 00:11:38,770 Mademoiselle Piggy, - Yes, Charles, 212 00:11:38,845 --> 00:11:42,941 Le numero de telephone de cet etablissement est Trudaine 2 7 67. 213 00:11:43,016 --> 00:11:45,109 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 214 00:11:45,184 --> 00:11:47,675 Oh, Charles, Oh! Mwah! Mwah! 215 00:11:53,459 --> 00:11:55,120 Oh, oh, Charles, 216 00:11:58,798 --> 00:12:01,096 Oh, gee, I knew that would happen, 217 00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:04,261 Charles, listen, on behalf of all the Muppets, I wanna say how sorry we are... 218 00:12:04,337 --> 00:12:07,033 Sorry? Sorry? 219 00:12:07,106 --> 00:12:09,131 I just met the girI of my dreams, 220 00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:12,507 Piggy? Piggy? Piggy? Piggy? 221 00:12:12,578 --> 00:12:14,170 Oh, Piggy? 222 00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:18,081 Well, one man's poison is another man's bacon, 223 00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:21,143 Hii-yah! 224 00:12:22,655 --> 00:12:24,782 Barbarian, 225 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,960 I love the French tongue, - I love pig's tongue, 226 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:33,521 Pig's tongue? I don't get it, Ah, I know... 227 00:12:33,599 --> 00:12:36,124 "You didn't order any," 228 00:12:39,272 --> 00:12:41,172 Kermit, - Mm? 229 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:45,540 Kermit, that nephew of the theater owner, - Scooter? What about him? 230 00:12:45,611 --> 00:12:48,808 He is going to drive me to bananas, 231 00:12:48,881 --> 00:12:51,406 He has gone all through the wardrobe, 232 00:12:51,484 --> 00:12:54,885 He wants The Great Gonzo to do a costume act, 233 00:12:54,954 --> 00:12:58,822 W-w-what? - Hey, chief, What do you think? 234 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,987 Hah, 235 00:13:03,062 --> 00:13:06,429 You think the high heels are too much? 236 00:13:06,499 --> 00:13:09,900 Are you guys nuts? - Well, Scooter says that... that... that... 237 00:13:09,969 --> 00:13:13,200 - ... that female impersonation is a noble art, - Yeah, 238 00:13:13,272 --> 00:13:16,469 Of all the dumb acts Gonzo's ever come up with, this is the dumbest, 239 00:13:16,542 --> 00:13:20,342 Oh, gee, my uncle loves it, - You go on right after the dancers, 240 00:13:20,413 --> 00:13:22,074 Oh, oh, good, 241 00:13:22,148 --> 00:13:24,207 What do I do when I get out there? 242 00:13:24,283 --> 00:13:26,274 Duck, 243 00:13:32,158 --> 00:13:37,960 OK, friends, Friends, Time again to raise the intellectuaI leveI of our program, 244 00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:41,158 and our paneI tonight consists of Sam, the American Eagle, 245 00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:43,065 Peace and courage, 246 00:13:43,136 --> 00:13:46,731 And Gonzo the Great, - Art and culture, 247 00:13:46,806 --> 00:13:50,799 Our own wardrobe lady, Hilda, - Pins and needles, 248 00:13:50,877 --> 00:13:55,473 And Mildred Hockstadder, MA, PhD, OBE, and RSVP, 249 00:13:55,548 --> 00:13:57,106 Oh, whatever, 250 00:13:57,183 --> 00:14:01,415 Tonight's topic, what is man's role in the universe? 251 00:14:01,821 --> 00:14:05,484 To be decent and to work hard, Next question, 252 00:14:05,558 --> 00:14:09,426 Not so fast, Sam, This is an important question, 253 00:14:09,495 --> 00:14:13,124 It has been asked since the beginning of time, 254 00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:16,930 Man's role in the universe, That's a toughie, 255 00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:20,461 Oh, Gonzo, this discussion is above your head, 256 00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:22,770 Maybe you just better keep it down, 257 00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:26,073 Check, - What's he... what's he up to? 258 00:14:26,145 --> 00:14:30,639 She didn't mean keep your head down, You take things too literally, 259 00:14:30,716 --> 00:14:34,516 Yeah, yeah, please, Now, we don't have much time, so let's get hopping, 260 00:14:34,954 --> 00:14:37,149 Hop, hop, - Oh, no, 261 00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:41,660 I have a feeling that we have perhaps misunderstood the question, 262 00:14:41,727 --> 00:14:45,527 Will you stop that hopping? Who are these weird people? 263 00:14:45,598 --> 00:14:48,192 Just don't pay any attention, Sam, - Oh! 264 00:14:48,267 --> 00:14:52,761 All right, I suggest that we look carefully at what's before us 265 00:14:52,838 --> 00:14:55,306 and break it down into separate pieces, 266 00:14:55,374 --> 00:14:57,808 Check, 267 00:14:57,877 --> 00:15:00,345 Ow! 268 00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:05,877 Heavens to the Betsy, He means the question, 269 00:15:05,952 --> 00:15:09,854 But we should be looking for the answer, - Yes, 270 00:15:09,922 --> 00:15:12,652 Well, I'll look under the table, 271 00:15:13,693 --> 00:15:16,161 What is this man doing? 272 00:15:16,229 --> 00:15:20,495 Oh, oh, leave him there, It's best, believe me, 273 00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:23,763 Well, as to man's role in the universe, 274 00:15:23,836 --> 00:15:26,737 I don't think he can, - Can what? 275 00:15:26,806 --> 00:15:29,536 I don't think he can roll, In the universe, 276 00:15:29,609 --> 00:15:32,544 I mean, he's not round enough to roll, 277 00:15:33,946 --> 00:15:38,883 This can't be happening, - Of course, he could enroll, yes, yes, yes, 278 00:15:38,951 --> 00:15:41,419 But you can't enroll in the universe, 279 00:15:41,487 --> 00:15:46,618 No, but you can enroll in the university, - Yes, 280 00:15:46,692 --> 00:15:50,025 A little Hilda ha-ha there, - Very little, 281 00:15:50,096 --> 00:15:53,327 Yeah, hey, but, listen, aren't we ever gonna find any answers? 282 00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:54,457 Yes, yes, 283 00:15:54,533 --> 00:15:56,865 Well, there aren't any under the table, that's for sure, 284 00:15:56,936 --> 00:15:59,734 Will you knock it off? - Knock it off? 285 00:15:59,805 --> 00:16:01,432 Ow! 286 00:16:02,808 --> 00:16:04,070 Well, uh... 287 00:16:04,143 --> 00:16:08,170 Tune in next week when our distinguished paneI will discuss the burning question, 288 00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:10,477 "What are we doing here?" 289 00:16:19,091 --> 00:16:21,355 Ladies and gentlemen, when I say the words "great comedy" 290 00:16:21,427 --> 00:16:25,796 it can only mean one thing, so let's really hear it for Fozzie Bear, 291 00:16:25,865 --> 00:16:28,527 Yeah, thank you, thank you, Please don't, Stop, 292 00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:31,092 Please don't, stop, Please don't stop! 293 00:16:31,170 --> 00:16:33,229 Ha ha! 294 00:16:33,306 --> 00:16:36,434 Oh, I can see you're all in a great mood tonight, 295 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:40,005 Well, why ruin it with your act? 296 00:16:40,079 --> 00:16:41,944 Ho, ho, ho, 297 00:16:42,014 --> 00:16:46,246 I could bury you guys with one line, - OK, what's the line? 298 00:16:46,319 --> 00:16:48,549 Uh... uh... 299 00:16:48,621 --> 00:16:51,181 Y-y-you just wait, - Is that the line? 300 00:16:52,491 --> 00:16:54,755 Of course it's not the line, 301 00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:58,490 Look, look, I'm gonna tell a joke and if they heckle... 302 00:16:58,564 --> 00:17:02,330 If you heckle me, look out 'cause I'm ready, Just look out, 303 00:17:02,401 --> 00:17:05,199 That's all I can say, just look out, Look out, That's all I can say, 304 00:17:05,271 --> 00:17:08,035 Yep, that's all he can say all right, 305 00:17:08,541 --> 00:17:11,942 I learnt to handle hecklers by working in a nightclub so tough 306 00:17:12,011 --> 00:17:14,741 the hatcheck girI was a gorilla, 307 00:17:15,948 --> 00:17:18,109 There were more people in the band than in the audience 308 00:17:18,184 --> 00:17:21,449 and we had a one-man band, 309 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,953 Uh, uh... 310 00:17:23,022 --> 00:17:27,288 I remember when... Hey, hey, how come you guys aren't heckling me? 311 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,385 We love it, That's funny stuff, - Funny, 312 00:17:29,462 --> 00:17:32,454 Yeah, topicaI, Hip, - Oh, oh, Well, well, well... 313 00:17:32,531 --> 00:17:35,091 At this nightclub a party of 75 came in... 314 00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:38,864 A lonely old lady, but she didn't drink much, 315 00:17:38,938 --> 00:17:41,998 Great, And I wouldn't say conditions at the club were bad, 316 00:17:42,074 --> 00:17:44,065 but when we asked where we could take a bath... 317 00:17:44,143 --> 00:17:46,976 The manager ran us through the carwash next door, 318 00:17:47,046 --> 00:17:48,377 Hey, hey, fellas, 319 00:17:48,447 --> 00:17:52,440 Hey, you guys, will you please... - Please, please, We work alone, 320 00:17:52,518 --> 00:17:53,917 Aha, aha! 321 00:17:53,986 --> 00:17:56,284 That was my line, My heckler line, 322 00:17:56,355 --> 00:17:59,256 See how it buried... me, 323 00:17:59,325 --> 00:18:03,591 Maybe we oughta go on the stage, - Yes, There's one leaving in five minutes, 324 00:18:03,662 --> 00:18:05,129 Be under it, 325 00:18:05,197 --> 00:18:07,290 Don't heckle me, you old fooI, Heckle him, 326 00:18:07,366 --> 00:18:10,028 Is that a toupee you're wearing or did your cat die? 327 00:18:10,102 --> 00:18:14,971 Help! Heckler run amok, Help! Help! 328 00:18:17,843 --> 00:18:20,107 Hey, Scooter, Scooter, 329 00:18:20,179 --> 00:18:22,147 Scooter? - Yeah, boss, 330 00:18:22,214 --> 00:18:24,682 Scooter, would you get everybody on stage for the closing number? 331 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:26,547 Right, boss, Oh, by the way... - What? 332 00:18:26,619 --> 00:18:29,213 I decided not to manage The Great Gonzo, 333 00:18:29,288 --> 00:18:30,380 Oh, yeah? How come? 334 00:18:30,456 --> 00:18:34,586 Well, you see, I gave him the standard 50-page manageriaI contract, 335 00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:37,356 And? - He ate it, 336 00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:39,762 Well, let's hope the contract's not binding, - Yeah, 337 00:18:39,832 --> 00:18:41,527 Closing number next, 338 00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:46,963 # Two and two are four 339 00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:51,567 # Four and four are eight 340 00:18:51,644 --> 00:18:56,013 # Eight and eight are 1 6 341 00:18:56,081 --> 00:19:00,848 # 1 6 and 1 6 are 32 342 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,945 # Inchworm 343 00:19:03,189 --> 00:19:05,521 # Inchworm 344 00:19:06,358 --> 00:19:09,657 # Measuring the marigolds 345 00:19:09,728 --> 00:19:13,858 # You and your arithmetic 346 00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:18,063 # You'll probably go far 347 00:19:18,904 --> 00:19:20,929 # Inchworm 348 00:19:21,173 --> 00:19:23,641 # Inchworm 349 00:19:23,709 --> 00:19:27,907 # Measuring the marigolds 350 00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:31,677 # Seems to me you'd stop and see 351 00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:37,211 # How beautifuI they are 352 00:19:37,289 --> 00:19:39,553 Come, come, Come here, 353 00:19:39,625 --> 00:19:42,423 Yes, 354 00:19:42,495 --> 00:19:43,860 Oh... 355 00:19:43,929 --> 00:19:46,090 You're a darling, 356 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:50,363 Mm, Mm, 357 00:19:56,008 --> 00:19:57,737 # Inchworm 358 00:19:57,977 --> 00:20:00,537 # Inchworm 359 00:20:00,613 --> 00:20:05,016 # Measuring the marigolds 360 00:20:05,084 --> 00:20:08,884 # You and your arithmetic 361 00:20:08,954 --> 00:20:13,789 # You'll probably go far 362 00:20:13,859 --> 00:20:16,760 # Mm, inchworm 363 00:20:16,829 --> 00:20:19,593 # Inchworm 364 00:20:19,665 --> 00:20:23,624 # Measuring the marigolds 365 00:20:23,702 --> 00:20:27,832 # Seems to me you'd stop and see 366 00:20:27,907 --> 00:20:33,038 # How beautifuI they are 367 00:20:33,112 --> 00:20:38,379 # Two and two are four 368 00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:44,047 # Four and four are eight 369 00:20:44,123 --> 00:20:47,615 # Seems to me you'd stop and see 370 00:20:47,693 --> 00:20:52,892 # How beautifuI they are 371 00:20:52,965 --> 00:20:56,958 # Seems to me you'd stop and see 372 00:20:57,036 --> 00:21:04,033 # How beautifuI they are 373 00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:14,685 Well, another half-hour has passed by and we've reached the end of our show, 374 00:21:14,753 --> 00:21:19,781 We'd like to thank our speciaI guest star, Mr, Charles Aznavour, 375 00:21:19,858 --> 00:21:22,588 Thank you, Kermit, It's been a wonderfuI evening for me, 376 00:21:22,661 --> 00:21:26,028 The first chance I ever had to make friends with a loaf of bread, 377 00:21:26,098 --> 00:21:29,727 Oh, Charles, vous etes le plus grand. - Merci beaucoup. 378 00:21:29,802 --> 00:21:32,532 Hey, thank you all and join us next time on The Muppet Show. 379 00:22:10,909 --> 00:22:15,243 I really liked this show tonight, - At these prices who's gonna complain?