1 00:00:10,991 --> 00:00:16,293 It's The Muppet Show, with our speciaI guest star Mr, Harvey Korman! 2 00:00:24,871 --> 00:00:26,839 # It's time to play the music 3 00:00:26,907 --> 00:00:28,875 # It's time to light the lights 4 00:00:28,942 --> 00:00:33,038 # It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight 5 00:00:33,113 --> 00:00:35,081 # It's time to put on makeup 6 00:00:35,148 --> 00:00:37,173 # It's time to dress up right 7 00:00:37,250 --> 00:00:40,879 # It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight 8 00:00:43,123 --> 00:00:47,492 My house is so dirty my dog buries his bones in the living-room carpet, 9 00:00:47,561 --> 00:00:50,655 I don't understand it either, 10 00:00:50,731 --> 00:00:52,756 # To introduce our guest star 11 00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:54,562 # That's what I'm here to do 12 00:00:54,634 --> 00:00:57,068 # So it really makes me happy 13 00:00:57,137 --> 00:00:59,071 # To introduce to you 14 00:00:59,139 --> 00:01:01,630 Mr, Harvey Korman! 15 00:01:07,781 --> 00:01:11,512 # But now let's get things started on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI 16 00:01:11,585 --> 00:01:13,712 # CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI 17 00:01:13,787 --> 00:01:16,255 # This is what we call 18 00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:20,123 # The Muppet Show 19 00:01:25,198 --> 00:01:26,358 Thank you, thank you, thank you, 20 00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:28,958 Hello, everybody, and welcome to The Muppet Show. 21 00:01:29,035 --> 00:01:31,026 Hey, we got a great show for you tonight, 22 00:01:31,104 --> 00:01:35,234 and our speciaI guest is one of the funniest people in the business, Harvey Korman, 23 00:01:35,308 --> 00:01:38,243 But right now, we'd like to open the show tonight on a high note... 24 00:01:42,315 --> 00:01:44,806 Well, that's better than opening it with a bang, 25 00:01:46,219 --> 00:01:48,881 Did somebody say "bang"? - No! 26 00:01:48,955 --> 00:01:49,887 Huh! 27 00:01:49,956 --> 00:01:52,652 Ah, you can't win 'em all, - Huh! 28 00:01:53,593 --> 00:01:55,527 Can you hold it down up there, please? 29 00:01:55,595 --> 00:02:00,999 Right now let's get things started with Dr, Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, 30 00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:04,468 Yeah, this is Dr, Teeth, and it's time to boogie, Three, four... 31 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,335 # I'm gonna explode an atom bomb 32 00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:13,106 - # Doo doo skiddley doo - # And blow a hole in your souI 33 00:02:13,180 --> 00:02:17,173 - # Doo doo skiddley bam - # I'm gonna explode an atom bomb 34 00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:21,186 - # Doo doo skiddley doo - # And blow a hole in your souI 35 00:02:21,254 --> 00:02:25,247 # Doo doo skiddley bam 36 00:02:25,325 --> 00:02:29,955 # I'm gonna get through to you, baby, before I lose controI 37 00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:41,564 # I'll break down your resistance with every trick in sight 38 00:02:41,641 --> 00:02:43,734 # I know I'm gonna make you happy, baby 39 00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,801 # I'm gonna light some dynamite 40 00:02:45,879 --> 00:02:50,282 - # Doo doo skiddley doo - # And blow open your heart 41 00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:54,377 - # Doo doo skiddley bam - # I'm gonna light some dynamite 42 00:02:54,454 --> 00:02:58,618 - # Doo doo skiddley bam - # And blow open your heart 43 00:02:58,692 --> 00:03:02,492 # Doo doo skiddley bam 44 00:03:02,562 --> 00:03:07,898 # I'm gonna light some dynamite and blast a tunneI to your love 45 00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:16,741 That's heavy, man, - I like that, 46 00:03:17,577 --> 00:03:21,809 Well, that was a great number, I've always liked pantomime, 47 00:03:21,882 --> 00:03:26,114 That wasn't pantomime, Your hearing aid's busted again, 48 00:03:26,186 --> 00:03:27,881 What? 49 00:03:27,954 --> 00:03:33,051 Uh, I thought some of you might like to know a little bit more about our drummer, 50 00:03:33,126 --> 00:03:35,526 whom we affectionately refer to as AnimaI, 51 00:03:35,595 --> 00:03:37,790 AnimaI, 52 00:03:37,864 --> 00:03:41,322 That's his name, actually, AnimaI, why don't you tell our audience, 53 00:03:41,401 --> 00:03:43,232 how long have you been playing the drums? 54 00:03:43,303 --> 00:03:45,294 Uh, ah... 55 00:03:46,806 --> 00:03:47,738 One, 56 00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:48,603 Two, 57 00:03:48,675 --> 00:03:49,664 Three, 58 00:03:49,743 --> 00:03:51,734 Four, 59 00:03:52,746 --> 00:03:55,476 Five, For five years, - Yeah, Five, 60 00:03:55,549 --> 00:03:59,576 Yes, OK, Well, I guess your drums mean a great deaI to you, huh? 61 00:03:59,653 --> 00:04:00,813 Oh, yeah, 62 00:04:00,887 --> 00:04:03,355 Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, 63 00:04:03,423 --> 00:04:05,084 Yeah, - Mwah, Oh, nice, 64 00:04:05,158 --> 00:04:06,921 You like them more than food, I guess, huh? 65 00:04:06,993 --> 00:04:10,121 They are food, Eat drums, eat cymbals, 66 00:04:11,131 --> 00:04:13,065 How symbolic, 67 00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:15,727 Bad pun, - Yeah, 68 00:04:15,802 --> 00:04:18,396 Listen, I imagine you have a lot of idols, 69 00:04:18,471 --> 00:04:19,836 Oh, yeah, yeah, 70 00:04:19,906 --> 00:04:22,238 Buddy Rich? - Oh, yeah, yeah, 71 00:04:22,309 --> 00:04:24,971 Gene Krupa? - Yeah, Krupa, Krupa, 72 00:04:25,045 --> 00:04:27,946 Tony Checkers? - To... Huh? 73 00:04:28,014 --> 00:04:30,574 He's our new drummer, He begins next week, 74 00:04:33,086 --> 00:04:35,077 Oh! 75 00:04:36,456 --> 00:04:38,856 Then again, maybe not, 76 00:04:44,598 --> 00:04:48,864 My insides are killing me, - Oh, ulcers? 77 00:04:48,935 --> 00:04:51,165 No, Movers, 78 00:04:55,208 --> 00:04:58,041 Ladies and gentlemen, we present now what is considered to be 79 00:04:58,111 --> 00:05:01,342 the most dangerous animaI act in the entire world, 80 00:05:01,414 --> 00:05:06,283 The incomparable Harvey Korman, better known as Maurice the Magnificent! 81 00:05:13,226 --> 00:05:14,557 Hyah! 82 00:05:18,264 --> 00:05:21,563 Thank you, Now, please, shh! Shh! 83 00:05:22,702 --> 00:05:26,263 You must keep quiet, You don't know, 84 00:05:26,339 --> 00:05:29,604 but the thing goes berserk when it hears loud noises, 85 00:05:32,412 --> 00:05:36,143 I hate this, But let's get it over with, 86 00:05:36,883 --> 00:05:39,374 Open the cage! 87 00:05:45,091 --> 00:05:48,185 It looks particularly vicious this evening, 88 00:05:48,261 --> 00:05:50,786 What a horrible animaI, 89 00:05:50,864 --> 00:05:53,890 Well, I must ask you - this is very important - 90 00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:57,300 when it comes out, don't anyone scream, 91 00:05:57,370 --> 00:06:00,203 It'll tear us all to ribbons if anyone screams, 92 00:06:00,273 --> 00:06:02,173 Shh! 93 00:06:03,176 --> 00:06:05,906 All right, Out, 94 00:06:05,979 --> 00:06:08,311 Out, you demon! Out! 95 00:06:12,852 --> 00:06:15,116 Well, this is... Shh! Someone... someone check... 96 00:06:15,188 --> 00:06:17,816 Someone check the first row, I think a lady fainted, 97 00:06:17,891 --> 00:06:19,381 No, no, no, no, no! 98 00:06:19,459 --> 00:06:22,724 Not you, you demon, Back! I said back, 99 00:06:22,796 --> 00:06:24,889 Back! 100 00:06:24,964 --> 00:06:26,329 Back! 101 00:06:26,399 --> 00:06:29,527 Sit, you demon! Sit! 102 00:06:29,602 --> 00:06:31,593 Over here, you... 103 00:06:36,076 --> 00:06:38,408 Now, listen to me, 104 00:06:39,679 --> 00:06:42,011 Give me your full attention, 105 00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:46,882 Speak, 106 00:06:46,953 --> 00:06:49,387 Speak, you demon, speak! 107 00:06:49,456 --> 00:06:52,220 I hardly know where to begin, 108 00:06:54,127 --> 00:06:59,895 I was rereading Balzac the other day, only in translation... 109 00:06:59,966 --> 00:07:01,763 Enough! 110 00:07:06,206 --> 00:07:09,972 Mm, you're very good with that whip, Maurice, 111 00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:14,207 Quiet! - Maurice is such a good animaI trainer, 112 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:18,580 He got so much patience and courage and persistence... 113 00:07:18,651 --> 00:07:22,587 Shut up! You black-hearted hell hound, 114 00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:24,384 And love, 115 00:07:24,457 --> 00:07:26,789 What a sweet man, 116 00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:28,919 Get away from me! 117 00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:30,929 Get away! 118 00:07:30,997 --> 00:07:33,795 Now, boy, listen to me, 119 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:36,301 Here's the best part, 120 00:07:36,369 --> 00:07:38,860 I hate it, but it's the best part, 121 00:07:38,938 --> 00:07:41,338 Listen, boy, I want you to dance, 122 00:07:41,407 --> 00:07:43,568 Dance, you demon, dance! 123 00:07:44,544 --> 00:07:47,035 Come on, dance, Move it! 124 00:07:48,081 --> 00:07:50,174 Dance, ballerina, dance! 125 00:07:51,885 --> 00:07:54,319 Move it! 126 00:07:54,387 --> 00:07:57,254 That's it, More Iyric, That's it, - Oh, 127 00:07:57,323 --> 00:07:59,518 This is really an easy trick, 128 00:07:59,592 --> 00:08:06,327 I wanted to ride a pony around the stage, but Maurice is afraid of ponies, 129 00:08:06,399 --> 00:08:09,960 Dance, Come on, you meaty lummox! 130 00:08:10,036 --> 00:08:11,196 Dance! 131 00:08:11,437 --> 00:08:12,961 Dance! 132 00:08:13,039 --> 00:08:15,872 Waltz, 133 00:08:15,942 --> 00:08:18,308 Dance, you beast, 134 00:08:18,378 --> 00:08:20,869 What are you doing? What are you doing? 135 00:08:23,249 --> 00:08:26,480 What are you doing? No! No! 136 00:08:26,553 --> 00:08:29,351 Somebody stop him, Somebody stop him! 137 00:08:29,422 --> 00:08:31,890 Help! Help! 138 00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:34,825 Help! He's run amuck! He's run amuck! 139 00:08:34,894 --> 00:08:38,022 Someone help me! Help! 140 00:08:41,434 --> 00:08:43,902 Thank you, Thank you, 141 00:08:54,547 --> 00:08:59,382 OK, once again it is time to raise... Just a second, everyone, 142 00:08:59,452 --> 00:09:02,216 Once again, it's time to raise the intellectuaI leveI of the program 143 00:09:02,288 --> 00:09:06,019 as we address ourselves to the topic, "What is the meaning of life?" 144 00:09:06,092 --> 00:09:07,252 Indeed, - Of course, 145 00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:09,818 Hear, hear, - It's a fairly simple subject, 146 00:09:09,896 --> 00:09:12,865 Let's start off with our guest panelist, Mr, Harvey Korman, 147 00:09:12,932 --> 00:09:17,835 Thank you, I think that life is a great deaI like a tennis game, 148 00:09:17,904 --> 00:09:20,134 Oh, no, it isn't, 149 00:09:20,206 --> 00:09:22,401 Oh, yes, it is, 150 00:09:22,475 --> 00:09:24,943 No, it isn't, - Yes, it is, 151 00:09:25,178 --> 00:09:27,840 No, it isn't, - Yes, it is, 152 00:09:27,914 --> 00:09:30,974 Life is nothing like a tennis game, 153 00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:35,851 In a pig's eye, it isn't, - Is that some kind of slam at me? 154 00:09:35,922 --> 00:09:39,585 The ball is in your court, Harvey, The score is pig, five, guest, nothing, 155 00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:43,117 Well, it's the first time that pig's scored in her life, 156 00:09:43,196 --> 00:09:45,824 Wait a minute, wait a minute... - Out of the way, Let me get through there, 157 00:09:45,899 --> 00:09:49,995 Can we have a little order here, please? - Yeah, I'll have a ham and cheese on rye, 158 00:09:50,069 --> 00:09:52,594 That is the most insulting thing I ever heard, 159 00:09:52,672 --> 00:09:55,334 Listen, life is a garbage dump, if you want the truth, 160 00:09:55,408 --> 00:09:59,845 I think that my originaI analysis that life is a tennis game will stand up, 161 00:09:59,913 --> 00:10:03,815 Well, I'm standing up, I'm sick of... - Please, sit down, sit down, 162 00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:07,649 You really think life is like a tennis game, huh? 163 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,848 Is a pig pork? - What's that supposed to mean? 164 00:10:10,924 --> 00:10:13,791 Yeah, it means, uh, yes, I agree, of course, 165 00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:17,660 Life is like a tennis game, That's as clear as the nose on your face, 166 00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:21,063 That's some honker you got there, 167 00:10:21,134 --> 00:10:23,898 How would you like a pig knuckle sandwich, you... 168 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:25,835 Oh, take it to the deli, lady, 169 00:10:25,905 --> 00:10:28,635 Please, please, We are digressing, 170 00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:33,702 We are digressing, Can we at last get back to the issue? And the issue is life, 171 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:36,340 Oh, I have the last issue of Life. - What? 172 00:10:36,416 --> 00:10:40,284 Yeah, before they stopped publishing, Could be worth a pretty penny, 173 00:10:40,353 --> 00:10:43,652 Hey, I knew a pretty Penny once, Penny Ferguson, Used to be a dancer, 174 00:10:43,723 --> 00:10:46,214 I love to dance, - Hey, what are you doing after the show? 175 00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:48,487 I've got a date, - Oh, well, 176 00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:50,859 That's life, 177 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:53,728 Once again we've solved the problem, - We did, We solved it, 178 00:10:53,800 --> 00:11:00,069 Join us again next week when our subject will be, "Is conversation a dying art?" 179 00:11:07,180 --> 00:11:11,708 Yeah, you can get quite an education watching this show, 180 00:11:11,784 --> 00:11:14,184 Are we watching the same show? 181 00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:28,191 Oh, my beloved George, even though we come from two different worlds 182 00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:31,703 I find myself strangely attracted to you, 183 00:11:31,771 --> 00:11:34,262 Yeah, I feeI the same way, 184 00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:36,604 You mean you're attracted to me? 185 00:11:36,676 --> 00:11:39,338 No, To me, Weird, huh? 186 00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:48,250 Say, how do you think I'd look in a porkpie hat? 187 00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:52,758 Oh, no, you couldn't, It'd be like wearing one of our relatives, 188 00:11:53,793 --> 00:11:56,193 Hey, do you wanna come over to my place and listen to the Beatles? 189 00:11:56,262 --> 00:11:58,162 Oh, I love their music, 190 00:11:58,231 --> 00:12:02,668 What music? I mean reaI beetles, And some termites, and some... 191 00:12:05,638 --> 00:12:10,405 Boy, does that guy have a swelled head, - Conceited, huh? 192 00:12:10,476 --> 00:12:13,843 No, he's just got a swelled head, Look out! 193 00:12:18,384 --> 00:12:20,011 Hi, Harvey, Hey, you know what? 194 00:12:20,086 --> 00:12:22,554 You know, we've been up all night worrying about ecology, 195 00:12:22,622 --> 00:12:25,557 I'm right in the middle of a show, I don't have time to worry about ecology, 196 00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:29,652 Well, it's easy for you, but if all those trees go, we're in big trouble, 197 00:12:29,729 --> 00:12:32,129 It's really great working with dogs, 198 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,891 Yeah? 199 00:12:37,203 --> 00:12:39,933 All right, everybody, let's jam, 200 00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:43,431 Jam! Jam! 201 00:12:43,509 --> 00:12:44,737 Do it, AnimaI! 202 00:12:44,811 --> 00:12:46,244 Jam! 203 00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:50,942 Oh, yeah, yeah, 204 00:12:51,017 --> 00:12:52,314 Mmm, 205 00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:57,950 Yeah! 206 00:12:58,624 --> 00:13:01,593 Whoa, I love him! 207 00:13:01,661 --> 00:13:03,652 Come on! Yeah! 208 00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:08,158 Jam! 209 00:13:09,635 --> 00:13:11,466 Ow! 210 00:13:12,839 --> 00:13:14,670 Yeah! 211 00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:17,604 Jam! Jam! 212 00:13:20,413 --> 00:13:22,711 Yeah! 213 00:13:26,319 --> 00:13:28,344 Jam! - All right! 214 00:13:33,092 --> 00:13:34,252 Wah! 215 00:13:34,327 --> 00:13:35,988 Yeah! 216 00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:46,301 Jam! 217 00:13:47,707 --> 00:13:49,675 Jam! - Whoo! 218 00:13:53,379 --> 00:13:55,506 Jam! - Go, AnimaI! 219 00:13:55,581 --> 00:13:57,173 Jam! 220 00:13:59,452 --> 00:14:01,283 Jam! 221 00:14:02,522 --> 00:14:04,353 Yeah! 222 00:14:05,925 --> 00:14:08,416 Jam, jam, jam, jam! 223 00:14:08,494 --> 00:14:10,553 Jam, jam, jam! 224 00:14:17,637 --> 00:14:19,628 Jam, jam! 225 00:14:22,608 --> 00:14:24,405 Jam! Jam! Jam! - Come on! 226 00:14:24,477 --> 00:14:26,468 Whoo! Jam! 227 00:14:31,017 --> 00:14:32,678 Thank you very much, 228 00:14:32,752 --> 00:14:34,515 Jam! Jam! 229 00:14:34,587 --> 00:14:37,112 Jam! Jam! Jam! 230 00:14:38,257 --> 00:14:41,249 Now, how are you enjoying the show, Harvey? 231 00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:43,420 Well, I don't know, 232 00:14:43,496 --> 00:14:45,259 Oh, well, that's funny, you know, 233 00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:48,459 When I ask that, most of our guest stars say they're having a great time, 234 00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:51,594 Yeah, well, - Aren't you having a great time? 235 00:14:51,671 --> 00:14:54,139 You know, Kermit, you and I are good friends, aren't we? 236 00:14:54,207 --> 00:14:55,868 You want me to tell you the truth, don't you? 237 00:14:55,942 --> 00:14:58,001 Only if you're having a great time, 238 00:14:58,077 --> 00:15:00,807 Otherwise you have my permission to lie like crazy, 239 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,111 I can't lie to you, I've got to tell you how I feeI, 240 00:15:04,183 --> 00:15:06,777 "All right," says the frog, preparing himself to face the music, 241 00:15:06,852 --> 00:15:09,343 "What is the major problem?" 242 00:15:09,422 --> 00:15:11,913 The major problem is that I... 243 00:15:13,559 --> 00:15:16,551 I'm the only human being on this show, 244 00:15:18,231 --> 00:15:20,358 How... how's that again? 245 00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:24,062 You heard me, I'm the token person around here, 246 00:15:25,071 --> 00:15:27,596 Gee, We've never had that complaint before, 247 00:15:27,673 --> 00:15:30,506 Yeah, well, you got it now, How'd you like to sit around the dressing room 248 00:15:30,576 --> 00:15:33,773 surrounded by dogs and frogs and pigs and chickens? 249 00:15:33,846 --> 00:15:36,076 Gee, I've never really thought about it, 250 00:15:36,148 --> 00:15:39,174 Yeah, well, think about it, I mean, on other shows you get stage fright, 251 00:15:39,252 --> 00:15:41,880 Here you get hoof-and-mouth disease, 252 00:15:42,688 --> 00:15:47,125 Gee, Harvey, I didn't realize you dislike dogs and frogs and pigs and chickens, 253 00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:50,060 No, I like dogs and frogs and pigs and chickens, That's not the point, 254 00:15:50,129 --> 00:15:52,620 The point is I just feeI funny about being the only human being here, 255 00:15:52,698 --> 00:15:54,757 Don't you understand? - Oh! Oh! 256 00:15:54,834 --> 00:15:57,302 Well, I can fix that, Hey, guys, come on in, 257 00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:59,702 Wait a minute, - Take care of him, 258 00:15:59,772 --> 00:16:02,434 Please, Wait, no, Stop, Wait, no, hold it, Wait, Please, 259 00:16:02,508 --> 00:16:05,272 Piggy, please, I'm ticklish, Please, no, Argh! 260 00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:08,040 That's right, - That's better, 261 00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:16,184 Oh, well, Does that make you feeI better, Harvey? 262 00:16:16,255 --> 00:16:19,486 I'm sorry, I don't have time to talk now, Kermit, I... 263 00:16:19,558 --> 00:16:22,721 I've got to get backstage and lay an egg, 264 00:16:26,732 --> 00:16:30,168 Well, to me there's nothing funny about chickens, 265 00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:32,295 What the...? 266 00:16:32,371 --> 00:16:34,498 Ooh! Ooh! Ow! 267 00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:39,105 And now, "Veterinarian's Hospital, " 268 00:16:39,178 --> 00:16:45,549 the continuing story of a former orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs. 269 00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:49,821 Anesthetic, - Anesthetic, Dr, Bob, 270 00:16:49,889 --> 00:16:52,687 Is this operation really nec...? 271 00:16:53,225 --> 00:16:55,625 ScalpeI, No, suture, Suture, - Suture, Dr, Bob, 272 00:16:55,695 --> 00:16:59,096 Suture, Suture, Yeah, ScalpeI, - ScalpeI, Dr, Bob, 273 00:16:59,165 --> 00:17:00,996 Argh! - Ooh! 274 00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:03,433 How long have you been a nurse? - Well, what time is it? 275 00:17:05,571 --> 00:17:08,438 Dr, Bob, your hand is shaking, What's the trouble? 276 00:17:08,507 --> 00:17:10,532 That's my nerves, I'm overworked and underpaid, 277 00:17:10,609 --> 00:17:13,669 This is my tenth operation today, The hours are interminable, 278 00:17:13,746 --> 00:17:15,907 Yes, but we must get on with this operation, 279 00:17:15,981 --> 00:17:18,279 This man has a bad case of hiccups, 280 00:17:18,351 --> 00:17:20,376 It must be gas, 281 00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:23,581 Oh, he's in bad shape, - He's in bad shape? 282 00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:26,147 What about me? Doesn't anybody ever think about me? 283 00:17:27,693 --> 00:17:30,127 We're losing time, Dr, Bob, - So? 284 00:17:30,196 --> 00:17:33,996 I'm losing my mind, Day in and day out it's the same old routine, 285 00:17:34,066 --> 00:17:35,727 Oh, but, Dr, Bob... 286 00:17:35,801 --> 00:17:40,465 I'm up to my ears in debt, my wife is leaving me, I'm being sued for malpractice, 287 00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:42,598 And all you can say is, "But, Dr, Bob," 288 00:17:42,675 --> 00:17:43,437 But, Dr, Bob, - But, Dr, Bob, 289 00:17:43,509 --> 00:17:47,639 I tell you, I'm telling you, I'm so on edge I'm about to explode! 290 00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:57,688 So Dr. Bob is going to pieces, and so is his patient. 291 00:17:57,757 --> 00:18:01,523 Tune in next week, when we'll hear the nurse say... 292 00:18:01,594 --> 00:18:04,358 Dr, Bob, You've gotta pull yourself together, 293 00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:07,763 I'll try, - Not you, him, 294 00:18:07,833 --> 00:18:10,529 I'd better quit while I'm ahead, 295 00:18:12,838 --> 00:18:14,237 Oh! 296 00:18:14,306 --> 00:18:18,868 I often get a tear in my eye when I introduce this next act, 297 00:18:18,944 --> 00:18:20,605 Oh, Oh! 298 00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:22,044 There's one right there, you see? 299 00:18:22,114 --> 00:18:26,141 You see, because they represent to me the very best this show has to offer, 300 00:18:26,218 --> 00:18:29,415 Indeed, the very best this country has to offer, 301 00:18:29,488 --> 00:18:33,584 So here they are now, just as sweet offstage as they are on, 302 00:18:33,659 --> 00:18:35,593 Wayne and Wanda, 303 00:18:35,661 --> 00:18:37,788 Oh, I need a hanky, 304 00:18:40,399 --> 00:18:43,391 # I get no kick from champagne 305 00:18:45,471 --> 00:18:49,805 # Mere alcohoI doesn't thrill me at all 306 00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:53,641 # So tell me why should it be true 307 00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:56,981 # That I get a kick... 308 00:18:57,049 --> 00:18:58,880 Ow! 309 00:19:01,654 --> 00:19:03,849 Now, you see why... 310 00:19:05,057 --> 00:19:07,719 Company ten-hut! 311 00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:09,658 Forward... hut! 312 00:19:09,728 --> 00:19:11,821 Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! 313 00:19:11,897 --> 00:19:14,092 Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! 314 00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:17,131 Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! 315 00:19:20,639 --> 00:19:24,666 How do you get out of this chicken outfit? 316 00:19:25,544 --> 00:19:28,035 What do you want? 317 00:19:28,113 --> 00:19:30,274 What? Huh! 318 00:19:33,886 --> 00:19:36,878 OK, time once again for that furry fuzzy funnyman, 319 00:19:36,956 --> 00:19:40,619 fabulous, freewheeling, fast and frantic Fozzie Bear! 320 00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:43,321 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 321 00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:47,456 Not so fast, Tonight, I am going to use your assistance, 322 00:19:47,533 --> 00:19:49,000 Oh, yeah? - Yes, sir, 323 00:19:49,068 --> 00:19:51,832 You and I are going to tell the world's funniest joke, 324 00:19:51,904 --> 00:19:54,065 Is that right? - This is all spontaneous, Unrehearsed, 325 00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:55,470 Right, Froggie? - It's unrehearsed, Yes, 326 00:19:55,541 --> 00:19:58,601 OK, OK, Now, frog of my heart... - Yes, 327 00:19:58,677 --> 00:20:02,044 You will just wait untiI I say the word "here," 328 00:20:02,114 --> 00:20:05,982 When you hear me say the word "here," you will rush up to me and say: 329 00:20:06,051 --> 00:20:08,485 "Good grief, the comedian's a bear," 330 00:20:08,554 --> 00:20:11,250 Good grief, the comedian's a bear, - Check, 331 00:20:11,323 --> 00:20:12,881 When you say the word "here"? - Right, 332 00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:15,119 Gotcha, - OK, here we go, 333 00:20:15,194 --> 00:20:17,628 Ready? OK, here we go, Now then, 334 00:20:17,696 --> 00:20:20,358 Hiya, hiya, hiya! You're a wonderfuI-looking audience, 335 00:20:20,432 --> 00:20:21,831 It's a pleasure to be here, I... 336 00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:25,496 Good grief, the comedian's a bear! - Not yet! 337 00:20:25,571 --> 00:20:28,096 You just said "here," - That was the wrong "here," 338 00:20:28,173 --> 00:20:31,165 Which is the right "here"? - The other "here," 339 00:20:31,243 --> 00:20:33,302 Right, - Go, go, go, OK, 340 00:20:33,379 --> 00:20:36,644 Hey, hey, folks, This is a story you're gonna love to hear, 341 00:20:36,715 --> 00:20:39,377 Good grief, the comedian's a bear! - Will you stop it?! 342 00:20:39,451 --> 00:20:40,918 But you said "here," - Not that "here," 343 00:20:40,986 --> 00:20:42,578 Well, which "here"? - Another "here," 344 00:20:42,655 --> 00:20:45,089 How am I gonna know? - You'll know when you hear! 345 00:20:45,157 --> 00:20:48,752 Good grief, the comedian's a bear! - Not now! 346 00:20:51,764 --> 00:20:53,959 All right, All right, Listen, - Yes, What? 347 00:20:54,033 --> 00:20:57,867 You will know when I point to you, 348 00:21:01,206 --> 00:21:03,697 All right, Don't grumble, 349 00:21:05,411 --> 00:21:09,245 Say, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre, 350 00:21:09,315 --> 00:21:14,446 At the stage door, I passed a bunch of Muppet fans, and suddenly I hear... 351 00:21:16,589 --> 00:21:18,887 Good grief, the comedian's a bear, 352 00:21:18,958 --> 00:21:22,189 No, he's a-not, he's a-wearing a neck-a-tie, 353 00:21:23,495 --> 00:21:26,726 Ha ha! Ha ha! 354 00:21:27,566 --> 00:21:30,057 Did you understand that joke? - No, 355 00:21:30,135 --> 00:21:32,467 But I don't speak Italian, 356 00:21:33,505 --> 00:21:37,635 Here is a Muppet news flash, Middleweight champion CarI Boomer says 357 00:21:37,710 --> 00:21:41,077 that since he has defeated all challengers in the middleweight ranks, 358 00:21:41,146 --> 00:21:45,105 he will defend his title next week against himself, 359 00:21:45,184 --> 00:21:47,744 We go now to Boomer's training camp, Tell us, CarI, 360 00:21:47,820 --> 00:21:50,345 do you think this will be a tough fight? 361 00:21:50,422 --> 00:21:54,688 Well, Muppet reporter, it will probably be one of my toughest, 362 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:58,161 but I think I will be able to knock myself out in the tenth round, 363 00:21:58,230 --> 00:22:02,724 In the first few rounds, I will work on my body blows, Be-dah-bah-bah! De-bah-bah! 364 00:22:02,801 --> 00:22:06,100 Then I'll go for my head, Be-dah-bah-bah-bah-bah! 365 00:22:06,171 --> 00:22:08,105 CarI's body may last two rounds, 366 00:22:08,173 --> 00:22:12,166 but I think his head has already gone down for the count, 367 00:22:22,821 --> 00:22:25,255 # Halfway down the stairs 368 00:22:25,324 --> 00:22:29,283 # Is a stair where I sit 369 00:22:29,361 --> 00:22:36,358 # There isn't any other stair quite like it 370 00:22:36,435 --> 00:22:39,927 # I'm not at the bottom 371 00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:43,497 # I'm not at the top 372 00:22:43,575 --> 00:22:50,208 # So this is the stair where I always stop 373 00:22:59,091 --> 00:23:01,457 # Halfway up the stairs 374 00:23:01,527 --> 00:23:04,826 # Isn't up and isn't down 375 00:23:04,897 --> 00:23:08,025 # It isn't in the nursery 376 00:23:08,100 --> 00:23:11,501 # It isn't in the town 377 00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:16,007 # And all sorts of funny thoughts 378 00:23:16,075 --> 00:23:19,943 # Run round my head 379 00:23:20,012 --> 00:23:23,812 # "It isn't really anywhere" 380 00:23:23,882 --> 00:23:27,841 # "It's somewhere else instead" 381 00:23:36,128 --> 00:23:39,325 # Halfway down the stairs 382 00:23:39,398 --> 00:23:44,165 # Is a stair where I sit 383 00:23:44,236 --> 00:23:52,837 # There isn't any other stair quite like it 384 00:23:52,911 --> 00:23:57,109 # I'm not at the bottom 385 00:23:57,182 --> 00:24:01,141 # I'm not at the top 386 00:24:02,254 --> 00:24:06,350 # So this is the stair 387 00:24:06,425 --> 00:24:12,421 # Where I always stop 388 00:24:30,415 --> 00:24:33,543 Well, that's about all we can squeeze into a half-hour for this week, 389 00:24:33,619 --> 00:24:37,919 We've had a great time, and we'd specially like to thank our very talented guest star 390 00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:39,184 Chicken Little, 391 00:24:39,258 --> 00:24:41,385 Now stop that, - Oh, I'm sorry about that, Harv, 392 00:24:41,460 --> 00:24:46,420 Mr, Harvey Korman! And we'll see you all next week on The Muppet Show! 393 00:25:24,903 --> 00:25:27,428 Well, the show tonight certainly didn't lay an egg, 394 00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:30,240 Wanna bet?