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It's The Muppet Show, with our
speciaI guest star Ms, Lena Horne!

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# It's time to play the music

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# It's time to light the lights

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# It's time to meet the Muppets
on The Muppet Show tonight

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# It's time to put on makeup

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# It's time to dress up right

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# It's time to raise the curtain
on The Muppet Show tonight

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Uh, I bet on a horse that came in so late
they had to pay the jockey time and a half,

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Ha ha,

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# To introduce our guest star

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# That's what I'm here to do

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# So it really makes me happy

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# To introduce to you

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Ms, Lena Horne!

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# But now let's get things started
on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI

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# CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI

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# This is what we call

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# The Muppet Show

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Thank you, thank you, thank you,

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And good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls, and dogs and frogs,

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and pigs and chickens, and
welcome to The Muppet Show.

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Hey, we are particularly happy tonight
to have with us as our speciaI guest star

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the talented, the beautifuI and
the indefatigable Ms, Lena Horne,

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But right now, we're gonna
start off the show with an act

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that was discovered
by George our janitor,

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And here it is, right from the cleaning
room into your living room, The Ragg Mopps!

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# M

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# I say M, O

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# M, O, P

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# M, O, P, P

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# Mopp

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# M, O, P, P Mopp, mopp, mopp, mopp

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# R

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# I say R, A

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# R, A, G

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# R, A, G, G

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# Ragg

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# R, A, G, G, M, O, P, P

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# Ragg mopp

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# Ragg mopp

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# Ragg mopp

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# Ragg mopp

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# Ragg mopp

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# R, A, G, G, M, O, P, P

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# Ragg mopp

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# A

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# I say A, B

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# A, B, C

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# A, B, C, D

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# A, B, C, D, E

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# A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H

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- # Ragg mopp - #
Doo-de-dup dah dee-yadah

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- # Ragg mopp - #
Doo-de-dup dah dee-yadah

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- # Ragg mopp - #
Doo-de-dup dah dee-yadah

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- # Ragg mopp - #
Doo-de-dup dah dee-yadah

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- # Ragg mopp - #
Doo-de-dup dah dee-yadah

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# R, A, G, G, M, O, P, P

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# Ragg mopp

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Yeah, Now, that's my kind of act,

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That kind of act only
comes once in a lifetime,

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If you're lucky,

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OK, OK, Good number, Good
number, you guys, Good number,

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George, clean up your act,

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Kermit, Kermit, is it
true what I've heard,

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that I'm not doing my
song in the show tonight?

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That's true,
- Why?

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Well, Piggy, because Lena
Horne is our guest this week,

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And... how can I say this? There
are singers and there are singers,

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You catch my drift?

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Oh, and... and you don't want
me to overshadow Ms, Horne,

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Oh, of course you're right,
What a considerate frog,

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Oh,

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Ignorance is truly bliss,

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Ms, Horne on next, Ms, Horne on next,

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No, not you, The wrong Ms, Horne,

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And now it is my great
pleasure to present a performer

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whose name is synonymous
with style, taste and talent,

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the incredible Ms, Lena Horne,

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# Like the pine trees
lining a winding road

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# I've got a name

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# I've got a name

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# Like the singing bird
or the croaking toad

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# I've got a name

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# I've got a name

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# And I carry it with me

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# Like my daddy did

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# But I'm living a dream

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# That he kept hid

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# Moving me down the highway

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# Rolling me down the highway

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# Moving ahead so life

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# Won't pass me by

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# Like the fooI I am

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# And I'll always be

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# I've got a dream

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# I've got a dream

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# They can change their minds

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# But they can't change
me, no, no, no, no

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# I've got a dream, yeah

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# I've got a dream

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# I know I could share it

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# If you want me to

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# If you're going my way

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# I'll go with you

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# Moving me down the highway

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# Rolling me down the highway

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# Moving ahead so life

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# Won't pass me by

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# Oh, oh, oh, yeah

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# Moving me down the highway

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# Rolling me down the highway

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# Moving ahead so life

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# Won't pass me by

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I could listen to her
sing till the end of time,

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She doesn't sing that,
Not her style, No,

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No, no, no, I mean I could
listen to her sing forever,

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No, she doesn't sing that either,

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Why don't you just check
yourself into the old fools' home

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while they still have a bed left?

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Kermit, Kermit?
- Yeah,

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My love, I've been thinking,
- What?

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The consideration that
you've shown Lena Horne

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has only reinforced my
undying love for you,

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Yeah,
- Oh, kiss me quick!

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Piggy, I appreciate the fact that you find me
attractive - every frog wants to be needed -

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but there is no room in my life
for romance at this time, thank you,

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Oh, I'm crushed,

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I'm destroyed, My life
has no meaning, It...

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It-it's over, It's
over, - Piggy, listen...

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The sun will never shine on this pig,

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O death, death, where is thy sting?

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Uh...

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Uh, Piggy, aren't you just
overdoing it a little bit?

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Uh, maybe,

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Here's a Muppet news flash,

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Mrs, Lola Bramswell
of Covington, Kentucky,

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has come upon a most unique diet,

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For the past ten years, she
has eaten nothing but seaweed,

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Tell us, Mrs, Bramswell, has eating
only seaweed presented any problems?

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No, Not really,

141
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Except that twice a day, I find
myself going in and out with the tide,

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That's not easy to do in Kentucky,

143
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George, George,
- Huh?

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Do you like circuses?
- Oh, I love them,

145
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Oh, then you must like Ringling,
- I don't know, I never ringled,

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Will you love me forever?

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I don't know, baby, Ask me
again in a million years,

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You know, my aunt has a
chest that goes back to 1 700,

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Wow, That must make
it tough on your uncle,

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Yes...

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Hey, You know, they say the children
of today are the parents of tomorrow,

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Huh, I always thought
it took longer than that,

153
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You know what really
bugs me about you?

154
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What?
- Your temper,

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You're always blowing your top,
- Oh, yeah?

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Lena, you know, we are so pleased to
have you with us on the show tonight,

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You have long been
one of our favorites,

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Oh, thank you, And I'm a big fan
of you and the Muppets, Kermit,

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Oh, well, that makes
us all very happy,

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because we on the...
- Psst, Psst, Psst,

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We... - Psst,
Hoo-ha, Hoo-ha,

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Fozzie, Excuse me a minute,
- Hoo-ha, Hoo-ha, hoo-ha,

163
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Fozzie, what is it?
- What is it?

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It's "us" and "we" and "ours,"

165
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But only you, the frog, get to
talk to the guest star, Ho-ho,

166
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Well, Fozzie, see, I'm
speaking for everybody,

167
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Oh, sure, sure, But the guest
stars only get to know you,

168
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Not me,

169
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Yeah, but...
- That's right, That's right,

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They will never know that
I am a great comedian,

171
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And they will never know that...
that my family was in show business,

172
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And... and that I'm sensitive, intelligent,
and - yes, I'll even say it - talented,

173
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Well, look, Fozzie, it's just that...
- Excuse me,

174
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But aren't you Fozzie
Bear, the great comedian?

175
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What?

176
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Yes, A sensitive and intelligent person
like you must be a great comedian,

177
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Oh,

178
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Well, there you are, Fozzie, huh?

179
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Wow, You mean, you actually know me?

180
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Listen, When you've made a name
for yourself in show business,

181
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everybody knows you, so it's...

182
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it's only naturaI that I would
know the great Fozzie Bear,

183
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Ah,

184
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Sure, Just as it's only naturaI
that you would know Lena Horne,

185
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Lena Horne? Oh, I love Lena Horne,

186
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Yes, she's terrific, I
mean, she's great, Don't you?

187
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:52,674
Yeah, I think she's terrific and great too,
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,

188
00:13:52,745 --> 00:13:55,942
You know, she's gonna be a guest on
our show one of these weeks, Mm-hm,

189
00:13:56,015 --> 00:13:58,483
Fozzie, she is a guest,

190
00:13:58,551 --> 00:14:01,213
This week,

191
00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:03,152
She's a guest this week?
- Yes,

192
00:14:03,222 --> 00:14:05,190
On this show
here? - Mm-hm,

193
00:14:05,258 --> 00:14:07,249
Oh, wow, wow, That's great,

194
00:14:07,326 --> 00:14:10,193
I don't wanna miss Lena Horne, Are
you gonna stick around and see her?

195
00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:12,493
I might just do that,
- Oh, yeah,

196
00:14:12,565 --> 00:14:15,056
I-I-I didn't
get your name,

197
00:14:15,134 --> 00:14:17,364
Day, Doris Day,

198
00:14:19,071 --> 00:14:23,804
Cute, Cute name, You know, with a name
like that, you should be in show business,

199
00:14:23,876 --> 00:14:25,867
Fozzie, will you...

200
00:14:25,945 --> 00:14:28,937
I'll wait for you outside, Ms, Day,

201
00:14:30,016 --> 00:14:34,851
I'm sorry about that, Lena,
Sometimes he's just un-bear-able,

202
00:14:34,921 --> 00:14:37,082
Cute, Cute-o,

203
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:58,404
Der good spaghett, Dis
here der good spaghett...

204
00:15:08,421 --> 00:15:10,582
Come hereski,

205
00:15:12,525 --> 00:15:15,722
Is squiggly worm, Der
wiggly squiggly scoo,

206
00:15:15,795 --> 00:15:17,956
Scooby doo,

207
00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:22,624
Come here, Come here,

208
00:15:22,702 --> 00:15:24,693
Thankoo,

209
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:38,948
And now, once again,
ladies and gentlemen,

210
00:15:39,018 --> 00:15:42,510
the Great Gonzo has dug deep
into his limitless repertoire

211
00:15:42,588 --> 00:15:46,251
and has come up with an act the likes
of which has never been seen before,

212
00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:50,056
So let's give a big
hand to the great Gonzo,

213
00:15:51,063 --> 00:15:57,969
OK, thank you, Tonight I present a
unique version of "Pop Goes the WeaseI,"

214
00:15:58,037 --> 00:16:00,164
with a surprise ending,

215
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:06,744
Hey, it wasn't my fault!

216
00:16:06,812 --> 00:16:08,973
Ah, you yokels!

217
00:16:20,793 --> 00:16:23,057
Gonzo, What's the matter?

218
00:16:23,129 --> 00:16:27,122
Oh, gee, Ms, Horne,
It's really depressing,

219
00:16:27,199 --> 00:16:29,633
You hear them booing out there?

220
00:16:29,702 --> 00:16:33,798
Sometimes it takes a long time
for an artist to be appreciated,

221
00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:38,776
But as long as one person appreciates
you, you just gotta keep on trying,

222
00:16:38,844 --> 00:16:42,280
And as for me, I
think you're fantastic,

223
00:16:43,482 --> 00:16:46,747
I don't know what to say,
- Well, listen,

224
00:16:46,819 --> 00:16:50,812
# In this world of ordinary people

225
00:16:52,058 --> 00:16:54,219
# Extraordinary people

226
00:16:55,695 --> 00:16:59,187
# I'm glad there is you

227
00:17:00,499 --> 00:17:05,163
# In this world of overrated pleasures

228
00:17:06,072 --> 00:17:09,337
# And underrated treasures

229
00:17:09,408 --> 00:17:12,400
# I'm glad there is you

230
00:17:13,412 --> 00:17:15,744
# I live to love

231
00:17:15,815 --> 00:17:20,479
# I love to live with you beside me

232
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,681
# This role so new

233
00:17:23,756 --> 00:17:28,921
# I'll muddle through
with you to guide me

234
00:17:29,729 --> 00:17:31,924
# In this world

235
00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:34,989
# Where many, many play at love

236
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:37,831
# And hardly any stay in love

237
00:17:38,637 --> 00:17:42,403
# I'm glad there is you

238
00:17:42,475 --> 00:17:46,138
# More than ever

239
00:17:46,212 --> 00:17:54,051
# I'm glad there is you

240
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,850
Thank you, Lena,
- You're great, Gonzo,

241
00:17:56,922 --> 00:17:58,913
Ahh!

242
00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:06,630
Boy, oh, boy,

243
00:18:06,699 --> 00:18:09,634
It sure is great being in
the show business, chief,

244
00:18:09,702 --> 00:18:12,762
Yes, Scooter, but I tell
you, this isn't an easy job,

245
00:18:12,838 --> 00:18:16,467
Sometimes in this business you have
to be ruthless, merciless and crueI,

246
00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:18,032
In what way, chief?

247
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:20,578
I just cut Piggy's song from the show,
- Why?

248
00:18:20,646 --> 00:18:23,513
'Cause there's no way she could
follow the great Lena Horne,

249
00:18:23,582 --> 00:18:25,140
She'd look ludicrous,
- Yeah,

250
00:18:25,217 --> 00:18:27,777
Yeah, but these are
command decisions, Scooter,

251
00:18:27,853 --> 00:18:30,185
It's lonely at the top,

252
00:18:31,624 --> 00:18:36,823
He's right, Yeah, I've gotta be
ruthless, merciless and crueI,

253
00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:39,865
Oh, how kind my Kermit is,

254
00:18:39,932 --> 00:18:43,368
not wanting me to
overshadow Lena Horne,

255
00:18:43,436 --> 00:18:44,801
Oh, no, no, no,

256
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:49,239
He cut your number so you
wouldn't look ludicrous,

257
00:18:50,309 --> 00:18:52,539
What?
- I'm sorry,

258
00:18:52,611 --> 00:18:56,741
You see, I've gotta be
ruthless, merciless and crueI,

259
00:18:56,816 --> 00:18:59,944
CrueI? I'll show you crueI, kid,

260
00:19:00,019 --> 00:19:01,577
Hii-yah!

261
00:19:01,654 --> 00:19:03,918
Kermit never told me about this part,

262
00:19:03,989 --> 00:19:06,150
Part this, Hii-yah!

263
00:19:08,894 --> 00:19:15,060
And now it's time for that riotous,
mirthfuI bundle of laughs, Mr, Fozzie Bear!

264
00:19:15,868 --> 00:19:20,066
Thank you, Oh, boy, oh, boy,
what a fantastic audience you are,

265
00:19:20,139 --> 00:19:24,200
No, I mean it, I mean it, I've seen
audiences come and I've seen 'em go,

266
00:19:24,276 --> 00:19:27,643
Well, you're seeing 'em
go now, right out the door,

267
00:19:28,247 --> 00:19:29,976
Says you,
- That's right,

268
00:19:30,216 --> 00:19:32,013
Says you,
- That's right,

269
00:19:32,084 --> 00:19:34,882
Says you,
- You better have a way out of this,

270
00:19:34,954 --> 00:19:37,479
I do, I do,
- Says you,

271
00:19:37,556 --> 00:19:39,956
Sessue Hayakawa,
- Huh?

272
00:19:40,025 --> 00:19:44,052
Sessue Hayakawa, a
great Japanese actor,

273
00:19:44,129 --> 00:19:46,427
And speaking of Japanese actors,

274
00:19:46,499 --> 00:19:50,959
did you know "Toshiro Mifune"
means "no smoking" in Japanese?

275
00:19:51,036 --> 00:19:53,061
Ha ha,

276
00:19:53,138 --> 00:19:57,575
Well, he's either brilliant, or
that's the dumbest thing I ever heard,

277
00:19:57,643 --> 00:20:00,544
Ah, you can't stop
the old Fozzie tonight,

278
00:20:00,613 --> 00:20:04,481
I'm really cooking, I'm one rare bear,

279
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:09,249
You're a square bear that
ought to be served medium rare,

280
00:20:09,321 --> 00:20:12,017
And now, my tribute to MarceI Marceau,

281
00:20:12,091 --> 00:20:16,528
An impression of a man
balancing himself on one leg,

282
00:20:16,595 --> 00:20:18,995
Count them, One, Here we go,

283
00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:24,395
Thank you, No applause, Now... Now...

284
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:28,338
Now a man balancing
himself on no legs,

285
00:20:28,407 --> 00:20:30,136
Argh!

286
00:20:31,143 --> 00:20:36,080
Thank you, I love you, Yes, I love
you, Oh, I could stay on forever,

287
00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:41,415
You stay on any longer, you'll be
running into the prayer of the day,

288
00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:44,718
Senior citizens, one, Bear, zero,

289
00:20:47,927 --> 00:20:50,555
Hilda, would you help me find
my key to the dressing room?

290
00:20:50,629 --> 00:20:54,121
Oh, I am so sorry, Ms, Horne,
My head is such a pickle,

291
00:20:54,199 --> 00:20:56,827
I left the iron on
in the costume room,

292
00:20:56,902 --> 00:20:59,666
I'll be back in a jiffy,

293
00:21:01,073 --> 00:21:02,165
AnimaI,

294
00:21:02,241 --> 00:21:05,870
AnimaI, I was wondering,
Would you help me find my key?

295
00:21:05,945 --> 00:21:08,277
Ah, All right,

296
00:21:11,884 --> 00:21:14,045
B flat,

297
00:21:16,555 --> 00:21:19,456
Let's have the monsters standing
by, Monsters standing by, please,

298
00:21:19,525 --> 00:21:24,360
Ahem, Aren't... aren't you
going to be standing by, too?

299
00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:26,762
No, Why?

300
00:21:26,832 --> 00:21:29,460
Because you're the monster,

301
00:21:29,535 --> 00:21:32,402
What you said at the
beginning of the show,

302
00:21:32,471 --> 00:21:35,406
about... about Lena and me,

303
00:21:35,474 --> 00:21:39,410
I just got it, El Greeno,
- Well...

304
00:21:39,478 --> 00:21:44,381
Yeah, You meant that I couldn't
follow her,

305
00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:46,918
Well, Piggy, sometimes
the truth hurts,

306
00:21:46,986 --> 00:21:49,318
Hurt? I'll show you hurt,

307
00:21:49,388 --> 00:21:50,878
Hiiii-yah!

308
00:21:50,956 --> 00:21:52,947
Hii!

309
00:21:56,629 --> 00:21:59,962
You know, there's a children's
TV show that I really enjoy,

310
00:22:00,032 --> 00:22:02,592
Maybe you've heard of Sesame Street?

311
00:22:02,668 --> 00:22:07,469
Anyway, here's one of my
favorite songs from that show,

312
00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:10,808
# Sing

313
00:22:10,876 --> 00:22:13,504
# Sing a song

314
00:22:14,313 --> 00:22:16,838
# Sing out loud

315
00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:21,814
# Sing out strong

316
00:22:21,887 --> 00:22:24,981
# Sing of good things

317
00:22:25,057 --> 00:22:28,584
# Not bad

318
00:22:28,661 --> 00:22:31,653
# Sing of happy

319
00:22:31,730 --> 00:22:33,891
# Not sad

320
00:22:35,367 --> 00:22:37,858
# Sing

321
00:22:37,936 --> 00:22:41,269
# Sing a song

322
00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:43,308
# Make it simple

323
00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:48,403
# To last your whole life long

324
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,938
# Don't worry that
it's not good enough

325
00:22:52,017 --> 00:22:55,282
# For anyone else to hear

326
00:22:55,354 --> 00:22:57,822
# Sing

327
00:22:57,890 --> 00:23:02,122
# Sing a song

328
00:23:02,194 --> 00:23:05,220
# La la la-la la
La la la la-la la

329
00:23:05,297 --> 00:23:08,824
# La la-la
la-la la la

330
00:23:08,901 --> 00:23:11,870
# La la la-la la
La la la la-la la

331
00:23:11,937 --> 00:23:15,270
# La la-la
la-la la la

332
00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:17,808
# Sing

333
00:23:17,876 --> 00:23:21,312
# Sing a song

334
00:23:21,380 --> 00:23:23,405
# Make it simple

335
00:23:23,482 --> 00:23:28,419
# To last your whole life long

336
00:23:28,487 --> 00:23:32,014
# Don't worry that
it's not good enough

337
00:23:32,091 --> 00:23:35,390
# For anyone else to hear

338
00:23:35,461 --> 00:23:38,021
# Sing

339
00:23:38,097 --> 00:23:42,124
# Sing a song

340
00:23:42,201 --> 00:23:44,795
# Sing

341
00:23:44,870 --> 00:23:49,136
# Sing a song

342
00:23:49,208 --> 00:23:55,374
# La la la
la-la la-la

343
00:23:56,582 --> 00:24:03,385
# Mm

344
00:24:09,828 --> 00:24:11,762
Well, that's it for
this week's madness,

345
00:24:11,830 --> 00:24:16,858
And we'd like a speciaI thanks for
our speciaI guest star Ms, Lena Horne!

346
00:24:16,935 --> 00:24:19,062
Thank you, Kermit,
thank you, It was fun,

347
00:24:19,138 --> 00:24:20,605
Oh, good,

348
00:24:20,672 --> 00:24:23,072
I was listening to Piggy
sing backstage, - Hm-mm,

349
00:24:23,142 --> 00:24:25,804
I think she ought to have
her own spot on the show,

350
00:24:25,878 --> 00:24:29,075
Really? Well, maybe next time
we'll let her sing a song,

351
00:24:29,148 --> 00:24:30,945
Oh, Kermit!

352
00:24:31,016 --> 00:24:33,075
You do love me,

353
00:24:33,152 --> 00:24:35,882
Give your little porker
a kiss on the chops,

354
00:24:35,954 --> 00:24:38,548
O death, where is thy sting?

355
00:24:42,528 --> 00:24:45,895
See you next time on The Muppet Show.

356
00:25:23,969 --> 00:25:26,369
Author, author!
- Is he here?

357
00:25:26,438 --> 00:25:27,871
Who?
- Arthur,

358
00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:29,999
Go back to sleep,