1 00:00:11,124 --> 00:00:16,562 It's The Muppet Show, with our speciaI guest star Mr, Bruce Forsyth, 2 00:00:24,938 --> 00:00:26,929 # It's time to play the music 3 00:00:27,007 --> 00:00:28,998 # It's time to light the lights 4 00:00:29,076 --> 00:00:32,568 # It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight 5 00:00:33,246 --> 00:00:35,214 # It's time to put on makeup 6 00:00:35,282 --> 00:00:37,307 # It's time to dress up right 7 00:00:37,384 --> 00:00:40,512 # It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight 8 00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:49,186 Hey, question, If a man born in Poland is a Pole, is a man born in Holland a Hole? 9 00:00:49,262 --> 00:00:50,786 Think about it, 10 00:00:50,864 --> 00:00:52,923 # To introduce our guest star 11 00:00:52,999 --> 00:00:54,660 # That's what I'm here to do 12 00:00:54,735 --> 00:00:57,101 # So it really makes me happy 13 00:00:57,170 --> 00:00:59,001 # To introduce to you 14 00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:01,199 Mr, Bruce Forsyth, 15 00:01:07,948 --> 00:01:11,748 # But now let's get things started on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI 16 00:01:11,818 --> 00:01:13,843 # CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI 17 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,445 # This is what we call 18 00:01:16,523 --> 00:01:20,220 # The Muppet Show 19 00:01:25,999 --> 00:01:27,830 Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, thank you, 20 00:01:27,901 --> 00:01:29,163 Hello, hello, hello, 21 00:01:29,236 --> 00:01:32,069 And if I sound a little British tonight, it's because our speciaI guest star 22 00:01:32,139 --> 00:01:35,666 is one of England's truly great performers, Mr, Bruce Forsyth, 23 00:01:35,742 --> 00:01:38,176 He sings, dances, plays the piano, tells jokes, 24 00:01:38,245 --> 00:01:41,874 In fact he's a one-man variety show, and we're really pleased he's with us, 25 00:01:41,948 --> 00:01:46,578 But right now, let's kick things off with a new musicaI group we call the Snerfs, 26 00:01:46,653 --> 00:01:48,644 The Snerfs? 27 00:03:45,772 --> 00:03:48,263 Well, now I've seen everything, 28 00:03:48,341 --> 00:03:50,571 Good, Can we leave? 29 00:03:52,679 --> 00:03:55,876 OK, Nice number, nice number, Snerfs, Way to go, 30 00:03:55,949 --> 00:03:57,348 Oh, Kermit, - Yeah? 31 00:03:57,417 --> 00:04:01,183 I finally got the punch line down for the act tonight, Want to hear it? 32 00:04:01,254 --> 00:04:02,949 OK, - Good, 33 00:04:03,023 --> 00:04:05,116 Quack! 34 00:04:05,191 --> 00:04:08,024 Uh... Fine, fine, But keep working on it, OK? 35 00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:10,119 Oh, sure, toad, Thanks a lot, 36 00:04:10,196 --> 00:04:14,030 You know, put me down like everybody else, Yeah, that's right, Put me down, 37 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,933 Bitter duck, - Oh, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, 38 00:04:17,003 --> 00:04:20,530 Kermit, I am really gonna get 'em tonight, 39 00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:23,167 Get who? - Hm? Oh, Statler and Waldorf, 40 00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:26,303 You know, those two old guys who sit in the box and heckle me every night, 41 00:04:26,379 --> 00:04:30,372 Mm-hm, - Well, tonight I am ready for 'em, Ha ha, 42 00:04:30,450 --> 00:04:33,180 Yeah, I can handle any insult, Any of 'em, 43 00:04:33,253 --> 00:04:36,313 Hey, hey, Let's try it, OK? Let's see... 44 00:04:36,389 --> 00:04:38,949 You be the audience, and I'll tell a joke, 45 00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:43,394 and then you insult me and then just watch my razor-sharp wit at work, 46 00:04:43,463 --> 00:04:45,192 OK, you ready, huh? Huh? - No, 47 00:04:45,265 --> 00:04:48,234 Good, OK, Here we go, 48 00:04:48,301 --> 00:04:53,739 I wouldn't say my wife can't cook, but last night she burned the water, 49 00:04:53,807 --> 00:04:59,746 Boo! Boo! That's terrible, Terrible, Get off the stage! You are the worst! 50 00:04:59,813 --> 00:05:02,373 Oh, please don't heckle me, 51 00:05:04,384 --> 00:05:08,081 Fozzie, is this an example of your razor-like wit? 52 00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:10,588 Could still use a little sharpening, huh? 53 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,460 When it comes to song-and-dance men, it's pretty hard to top our speciaI guest, 54 00:05:18,531 --> 00:05:21,989 So let's give a warm Muppet Show welcome to Mr, Bruce Forsyth, 55 00:05:27,707 --> 00:05:30,232 # Got my tweed pressed 56 00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:32,904 # Got my best vest 57 00:05:32,979 --> 00:05:38,281 # AII I need now is the girI 58 00:05:38,351 --> 00:05:40,876 # Got my striped tie 59 00:05:40,954 --> 00:05:43,582 # Got my hopes high 60 00:05:43,657 --> 00:05:46,888 # Got the time and the place and I got rhythm 61 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,520 # AII I need's the girI to go with them 62 00:05:49,596 --> 00:05:53,157 # If she'll just appear 63 00:05:53,233 --> 00:05:57,727 # We'll take this big bird... 64 00:05:57,804 --> 00:06:00,329 I must stop taking those pills, 65 00:06:00,407 --> 00:06:02,898 It'll go away in a minute, 66 00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:07,577 Whatever it is, it's a reaI one, 67 00:06:07,647 --> 00:06:10,309 I hope it's not a female, 68 00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:15,753 Yes, I... I didn't see you there, I'm sorry, I'm doing my song-and-dance number, 69 00:06:15,822 --> 00:06:18,689 Would you mind waiting over there, please? 70 00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:22,353 Over there, In the corner, 71 00:06:22,429 --> 00:06:25,887 Over here, Let me show you, Let me show you, That's fine, 72 00:06:25,965 --> 00:06:28,695 That's it, OK, Trust me, trust me, 73 00:06:28,768 --> 00:06:30,827 I'll be gentle with you, 74 00:06:30,904 --> 00:06:34,362 No, bring the feet, Bring the feet, I think the taiI will follow, 75 00:06:34,441 --> 00:06:38,036 Bring the feet, That's it, Good, Left, right, Right, left, That's it, 76 00:06:38,111 --> 00:06:43,572 Good, That's fine, Now, could we just sort of twist you round now? As you go, that's it, 77 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:47,484 Now, back off, will you? Back off, Left hand down a bit, Left hand, 78 00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:51,513 As you were, Off you go, Off you go, then, There you go, That's fine, 79 00:06:51,591 --> 00:06:53,650 You see, I'm just going to do my song-and-dance number, 80 00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:56,628 It's the only thing I've got in the whole show, 81 00:06:56,696 --> 00:06:58,527 Worthwhile, 82 00:06:59,432 --> 00:07:02,333 Thank you, 83 00:07:37,971 --> 00:07:40,132 Take it! 84 00:07:43,543 --> 00:07:46,034 Are you all right? 85 00:07:46,446 --> 00:07:48,880 That was marvelous, Fantastic, 86 00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:53,442 I've never seen anything... It is a female, 87 00:07:53,953 --> 00:07:58,549 # My striped tie and my best... best tweed 88 00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:02,288 Come on, Leave me alone, Get back, 89 00:08:02,362 --> 00:08:04,296 Get... Goodness' sake, 90 00:08:04,364 --> 00:08:07,128 Great big gawky fooI, Get back, 91 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:12,570 Why don't you get... Get back, Get back there, Back! Get away! 92 00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:14,971 Oh, no, Her sister, 93 00:08:16,209 --> 00:08:18,575 Mr, Hitchcock! Mr, Hitchcock! 94 00:08:18,645 --> 00:08:22,103 Get away, you great big gawky-looking thing, Get off, 95 00:08:22,649 --> 00:08:23,980 Bravo, - Brilliant, 96 00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:27,679 Oh, there aren't many performers who could hold a candle to Bruce Forsyth, 97 00:08:27,754 --> 00:08:30,052 Course not, They'd burn him, 98 00:08:30,123 --> 00:08:34,287 Statler, you must be the old fooI there's no fooI like, 99 00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:36,285 Hey, Kermit, Kermit, 100 00:08:36,362 --> 00:08:41,356 This time I have really got it, I have really mastered the art of handling hecklers, 101 00:08:41,434 --> 00:08:44,460 You think so, huh? - Yeah, I know so, I know so, 102 00:08:44,537 --> 00:08:47,836 OK, I tell you what, You tell a joke and I will heckle you, 103 00:08:47,907 --> 00:08:50,842 Great, - But, Fozzie, I expect a great comeback, 104 00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:53,276 Right, Ahem, 105 00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:58,716 My cousin's so dumb, he thinks eggs Benedict is a Mafia gangster, 106 00:08:58,785 --> 00:09:02,482 I've seen cheeseburgers funnier than that, 107 00:09:05,725 --> 00:09:07,920 What do you think? Too subtle? 108 00:09:07,994 --> 00:09:10,827 Will you get outta here? 109 00:09:21,741 --> 00:09:23,208 George, - Yeah, 110 00:09:23,276 --> 00:09:26,336 Would you like to come to my place for dinner tomorrow night? 111 00:09:26,412 --> 00:09:30,542 Maybe, What are you fixing? - Well, do you like duckling? 112 00:09:30,617 --> 00:09:33,108 I don't know, I never duckled, 113 00:09:37,323 --> 00:09:40,383 Do you know what happened in 1 7 7 6? 114 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:44,487 No, baby, but there's a great party in 1 342, 115 00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:50,001 I'm really into American history, 116 00:09:50,069 --> 00:09:51,764 Oh? - Mm-hm, 117 00:09:51,838 --> 00:09:55,501 You know - Washington, Jefferson, Revere, 118 00:09:55,575 --> 00:10:00,603 Oh, do you like Franklin? - Well, I don't know, I've never Frankled, 119 00:10:03,516 --> 00:10:06,849 Do you mind if I light up? - Why, no, 120 00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:18,630 # Many, many years ago when I was 23 121 00:10:18,698 --> 00:10:22,190 # I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be 122 00:10:22,268 --> 00:10:25,499 # This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red 123 00:10:25,571 --> 00:10:28,870 # My father fell in love with her and soon they two were wed 124 00:10:28,942 --> 00:10:32,139 # This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life 125 00:10:32,211 --> 00:10:35,612 # For my daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife 126 00:10:35,682 --> 00:10:38,981 # To complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy 127 00:10:39,052 --> 00:10:42,351 # I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy 128 00:10:42,422 --> 00:10:45,721 # My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad 129 00:10:45,792 --> 00:10:49,125 # And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad 130 00:10:49,195 --> 00:10:52,358 # For if he was my uncle then that also made him brother 131 00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:55,765 # Of the widow's grown-up daughter who of course was my stepmother 132 00:10:55,835 --> 00:10:59,293 # Oh, I'm my own grandpa 133 00:10:59,372 --> 00:11:02,341 # I'm my own grandpa 134 00:11:02,408 --> 00:11:05,673 # It sounds funny, I know but it really is so 135 00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:09,738 - # Oh, I'm my own grandpa - Sing it, Pa, 136 00:11:09,816 --> 00:11:12,785 # Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run 137 00:11:12,852 --> 00:11:16,151 # And he became my grandchild for he was my daughter's son 138 00:11:16,222 --> 00:11:19,521 # My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue 139 00:11:19,592 --> 00:11:22,891 # Because although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too 140 00:11:22,962 --> 00:11:26,363 # Oh, if my wife is my grandmother then I'm her grandchild 141 00:11:26,432 --> 00:11:29,731 # And every time I think of it it nearly drives me wild 142 00:11:29,802 --> 00:11:33,101 # For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw 143 00:11:33,172 --> 00:11:37,199 # As husband of my grandmother I am my own grandpa 144 00:11:37,276 --> 00:11:41,679 # Oh, I'm my own grandpa 145 00:11:41,748 --> 00:11:44,683 # I'm my own grandpa 146 00:11:44,751 --> 00:11:48,050 # It sounds funny, I know but it really is so 147 00:11:48,121 --> 00:11:51,488 # Oh, I'm my own grandpa 148 00:11:51,557 --> 00:11:54,822 # It sounds funny, I know but it really is so 149 00:11:54,894 --> 00:12:01,094 # Oh, I'm my own grandpa 150 00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:12,734 Well, Bruce, welcome to our show, 151 00:12:12,812 --> 00:12:16,839 Well, it's very nice to be here, Kermit, Although, of course, it is a little strange, 152 00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:20,113 Strange? - It isn't like any other show on television, 153 00:12:20,186 --> 00:12:22,814 I'll buy the fact that you're a frog who can talk, 154 00:12:22,889 --> 00:12:24,254 There's nothing strange about that, 155 00:12:24,323 --> 00:12:27,486 And I'll even buy the chicken who shares my dressing room, 156 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,653 But she's not for sale, - I beg your pardon? 157 00:12:29,729 --> 00:12:31,526 That chicken's not for sale, - Oh, 158 00:12:31,597 --> 00:12:35,931 I mean, I wouldn't mind selling her, but her husband plays in the band, 159 00:12:36,002 --> 00:12:40,405 No, you misunderstand me, You see, I don't actually want to buy a chicken, 160 00:12:40,473 --> 00:12:41,667 Oh, I see, 161 00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:47,236 Mind you, I wouldn't mind leasing a duck, - Well, uh... 162 00:12:47,313 --> 00:12:51,306 I can let you have a duck right here, I can give you a good rentaI deaI on this duck, 163 00:12:51,384 --> 00:12:53,443 It's not a bad-looking duck, 164 00:12:53,519 --> 00:12:56,579 It's a great little duck, I mean, it was last owned by a little old lady 165 00:12:56,656 --> 00:12:59,124 who only used it as a decoy during the hunting season, 166 00:12:59,192 --> 00:13:01,251 Really? 167 00:13:01,327 --> 00:13:03,295 Well, how much to rent this duck for a month? 168 00:13:03,362 --> 00:13:06,854 For one month, this duck will cost you a pig and two rabbits, 169 00:13:06,933 --> 00:13:09,766 A pig and two rabbits? Well, hold on a minute, will you? 170 00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:15,103 One pig - there we are - and I'm fresh out of rabbits, 171 00:13:15,174 --> 00:13:17,335 Have you got change of a rat? 172 00:13:17,410 --> 00:13:18,707 Sure, I can let you have a woodpecker, 173 00:13:18,778 --> 00:13:21,474 Oh, good, That's fine, OK, That's a fair exchange, 174 00:13:21,547 --> 00:13:24,141 Is that a deaI? - Mind the leg, 175 00:13:26,953 --> 00:13:30,616 WonderfuI doing business with you, - Lovely doing business with you as well, 176 00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:34,091 OK, let's go, guys, Come on, come on, - Fine, Off you go, Fine, Fine, 177 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,821 You see, it is strange here, 178 00:13:35,895 --> 00:13:40,832 Any other show on television charges at least two pigs a month for a good duck, 179 00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:43,266 I wish I had a good-looking bird, 180 00:13:43,336 --> 00:13:48,535 Two pigs for one lousy duck? This is an outrage to all Porkdom, 181 00:13:49,041 --> 00:13:50,599 Well, I was... 182 00:13:50,676 --> 00:13:54,544 Really, Miss Piggy, I was only joking, I wasn't having a go at you, 183 00:13:54,614 --> 00:13:56,514 Yeah? Well, have a go at this, 184 00:13:56,582 --> 00:13:58,447 Hiiii-yah! 185 00:13:58,518 --> 00:14:01,817 That was vicious, Come here, you, 186 00:14:04,223 --> 00:14:06,020 Monkey with me...? - Hii-yah! 187 00:14:06,726 --> 00:14:10,059 That Miss Piggy takes umbrage at the slightest annoyance, 188 00:14:10,129 --> 00:14:14,793 Oh, I usually take aspirin, Maybe I'll try some umbrage, 189 00:14:16,169 --> 00:14:19,138 "Same to you... " Same to you and more of it, 190 00:14:19,205 --> 00:14:20,502 Fozzie, - Huh? 191 00:14:20,573 --> 00:14:22,598 I know you're worried about your act tonight, 192 00:14:22,675 --> 00:14:27,339 Oh, boy, Am I, I really want to get the best of those two old hecklers, Kermit, 193 00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:32,407 Well, I can guarantee you that Statler and Waldorf will not heckle you tonight, 194 00:14:32,485 --> 00:14:36,683 But... but they always heckle me, Every show they heckle me, Why not tonight? 195 00:14:36,756 --> 00:14:41,216 Well, the show's running long and your act's been cut, 196 00:14:42,828 --> 00:14:43,886 Hilda, Hilda, 197 00:14:43,963 --> 00:14:46,727 Yes, Fozzie, - Don't move, Just stay right there, 198 00:14:46,799 --> 00:14:51,168 But why? - So you can break my fall when I faint, 199 00:14:51,237 --> 00:14:54,172 Aargh! 200 00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:57,271 Cute, Cute faint, 201 00:14:59,745 --> 00:15:03,408 Once again, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you 202 00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:08,283 those two solid citizens of song - Wayne and Wanda, 203 00:15:08,354 --> 00:15:10,686 Decent, decent people, 204 00:15:15,294 --> 00:15:21,062 # I think that I shall never see 205 00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:25,399 # A poem lovely as a tree 206 00:15:25,471 --> 00:15:27,564 Oh! 207 00:15:30,142 --> 00:15:34,602 Oh, Kermit, You've got to let me do my big act in the show, Please, 208 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,410 Yeah, but listen, Fozzie, This is just one week, 209 00:15:37,483 --> 00:15:42,113 Oh, but, but, but Kermit, in this type of show people expect a stand-up comic, 210 00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:47,182 Yes, and we got one, - Oh, then I am going on after all, 211 00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,922 No, Bruce Forsyth is, 212 00:15:53,032 --> 00:15:55,125 Hilda! 213 00:15:57,303 --> 00:15:59,396 Cute, Cute fall, 214 00:16:02,708 --> 00:16:06,701 OK, ladies and gentlemen, Tonight we thought we'd give Fozzie Bear a rest, 215 00:16:06,779 --> 00:16:10,681 You're not giving him a rest, you're giving us a rest, 216 00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:13,914 Yeah, OK, Be that as it may, 217 00:16:13,986 --> 00:16:18,355 substituting for Fozzie tonight is our speciaI guest star Mr, Bruce Forsyth, 218 00:16:21,227 --> 00:16:24,355 Thank you so much, Thank you, And may I say you look a wonderfuI audience, 219 00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:28,457 Don't be too sure, We haven't heard your jokes yet, 220 00:16:28,901 --> 00:16:33,702 Sir, you're old enough to have heard my jokes, Bob Hope's jokes and Milton Berle's, 221 00:16:33,773 --> 00:16:39,234 In fact, if you've heard Milton Berle's jokes, you've heard everybody's jokes, 222 00:16:39,312 --> 00:16:41,906 Same old stuff, We want new blood, 223 00:16:41,981 --> 00:16:44,347 Yeah, well, you certainly look as though you could use some, 224 00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:49,116 Why don't you go to the blood bank and cash an artery? 225 00:16:49,188 --> 00:16:52,214 Good, Good stuff, - I've heard better, 226 00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:58,059 I'm sure you have, sir, In fact, at your age you're lucky you can hear at all, 227 00:16:58,130 --> 00:17:01,429 Only kidding, Only kidding, You've probably got a great sense of humor, 228 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:05,197 In fact, I know you have, I saw your wife outside, 229 00:17:05,271 --> 00:17:08,263 Oh, he's burying me, He's burying me, 230 00:17:08,341 --> 00:17:10,969 All right, But you know, one thing I like about our two countries at the moment 231 00:17:11,043 --> 00:17:13,477 is we do have this culturaI exchange going on, 232 00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:17,277 I mean, we send you lots of our drama shows like Upstairs, Downstairs, 233 00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:21,116 The Six Wives of Henry VIII, The Forsyte Saga - 234 00:17:21,187 --> 00:17:24,918 and by the way, I thought Eric Porter played my life brilliantly, 235 00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:28,153 I was going to play the part myself, but they said I wasn't the type, 236 00:17:28,227 --> 00:17:31,355 Then of course you send us your drama shows like Columbo, 237 00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:33,364 Starsky and Hutch, Police Woman. 238 00:17:33,432 --> 00:17:36,299 They're not Shakespeare perhaps, but just as violent, 239 00:17:36,369 --> 00:17:41,033 By the way, thank you for Kojak. He's made such a big hit in our country, 240 00:17:41,107 --> 00:17:43,701 He's such a sportsman, Goes to Scotland, plays golf, 241 00:17:43,776 --> 00:17:46,336 And he's also a good tenpin bowler, Got the head for it, 242 00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:49,006 But he gets very annoyed at the bowling alley 243 00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:52,881 'cause people keep sticking their fingers up his nose, Got to be a split, 244 00:17:52,952 --> 00:17:56,217 Anyway, don't let's talk about him, Let's get back to me, 245 00:17:56,288 --> 00:17:58,188 Ladies and gentlemen... - Excuse me, Mr, Forsyth, 246 00:17:58,257 --> 00:18:00,122 Oh, please, please call me Bruce, 247 00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:03,923 Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Fozzie Bear, 248 00:18:03,996 --> 00:18:05,361 Hey, hey! 249 00:18:05,431 --> 00:18:08,923 Yeah, thank heavens there's only one, 250 00:18:09,368 --> 00:18:12,098 Aw, See those guys up there? 251 00:18:12,171 --> 00:18:16,665 The minute I come out, they start up, - Don't worry, Don't worry, 252 00:18:16,742 --> 00:18:18,767 Do you see the box they're in? - Yeah, 253 00:18:18,844 --> 00:18:22,041 I may decide to bury them together, 254 00:18:23,349 --> 00:18:25,374 Oh! Oh, that's... 255 00:18:25,451 --> 00:18:30,115 Boy, see how he handles them? See? I was watching in the wings over there, 256 00:18:30,189 --> 00:18:33,818 Yeah, well, why don't you flap them and fly outta here? 257 00:18:33,893 --> 00:18:35,292 Ho, ho, 258 00:18:35,361 --> 00:18:37,329 Look, you can handle those two, - Well... 259 00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:41,628 You can do it, All you need is the pacing, a bit of timing, 260 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:44,294 The right retort, The right line, 261 00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:47,567 He couldn't throw a line to a drowning man, 262 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:48,698 Uh... Uh... 263 00:18:48,774 --> 00:18:50,207 Go on, - OK, 264 00:18:50,276 --> 00:18:55,111 Do you mind? We work alone, That is, unless we work together, 265 00:18:55,181 --> 00:18:57,046 How's that? 266 00:18:57,116 --> 00:19:01,314 A little soft, Fozzie, Go for the jugular vein, there, Go right in, 267 00:19:01,387 --> 00:19:03,048 Right there? OK, - Go on, Go on, 268 00:19:03,122 --> 00:19:05,716 Uh... Uh... Oh! Oh! 269 00:19:05,791 --> 00:19:07,725 Hey, is that a suit you're wearing? 270 00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:13,891 It's a nice one, yeah, but won't your wife notice the hole in the living-room rug? 271 00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:17,632 That's good, Now you're rolling, Go in for the kill, Go in for the kill, 272 00:19:17,703 --> 00:19:19,671 Hey, that's some nose you got there, buster, 273 00:19:19,738 --> 00:19:23,174 Why don't you rent yourself out as an anteater? 274 00:19:25,811 --> 00:19:30,180 I like it, Quit while you're ahead, - Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah, 275 00:19:30,249 --> 00:19:34,447 You call that a head? I've seen better heads on cabbages, 276 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,351 You don't want to lose your audience, 277 00:19:36,422 --> 00:19:40,756 You call that an audience? It looks more like an oiI painting, 278 00:19:40,826 --> 00:19:42,157 Believe me, you've got 'em, 279 00:19:42,228 --> 00:19:43,923 Got 'em? Who wants 'em? Who wants 'em? 280 00:19:43,996 --> 00:19:46,794 No, no, Enough, enough, - We surrender, We surrender, 281 00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:49,027 No more, no more, - You did it, Fozzie, 282 00:19:49,101 --> 00:19:53,333 Oh, I did it! Bruce, I did it, Oh, I did it, I did, Oh! Oh! Oh! 283 00:19:53,405 --> 00:19:56,431 Bruce, this is the happiest moment of my life, 284 00:19:56,509 --> 00:20:01,947 Just learning from a pro like you, Working side by side with one of the greats, 285 00:20:02,014 --> 00:20:05,279 You even learned how to cue the big musicaI finish to the comedy spot, 286 00:20:05,351 --> 00:20:06,249 You did, - Yeah? 287 00:20:06,318 --> 00:20:07,785 Yeah, - All right, 288 00:20:07,853 --> 00:20:11,584 # Oh, we ain't got a barreI of money 289 00:20:11,657 --> 00:20:14,922 # Maybe we're ragged and funny 290 00:20:14,994 --> 00:20:18,691 # But we traveI along, singing a song 291 00:20:18,764 --> 00:20:21,733 Thank you, Mr, Forsyth, - It's my pleasure, Mr, Bear, 292 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,930 - # Hey - # We traveI along, singing a song 293 00:20:26,005 --> 00:20:31,534 # Side by side 294 00:20:31,610 --> 00:20:34,408 I like the ears, Keep the ears going, They love it, Listen to that, 295 00:20:36,215 --> 00:20:39,810 Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, 296 00:20:43,923 --> 00:20:46,448 And now "Veterinarian's Hospital. " 297 00:20:46,525 --> 00:20:52,293 The continuing story of an orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs. 298 00:20:53,832 --> 00:20:56,426 Well, Dr, Bob, here's your next patient, 299 00:20:59,505 --> 00:21:01,905 What have we here? Another sick chicken? 300 00:21:01,974 --> 00:21:03,999 I'm not a chicken, I'm a duck, 301 00:21:04,076 --> 00:21:06,874 Shall we prepare for surgery on the chicken? 302 00:21:06,946 --> 00:21:09,278 Duck! - Oh! 303 00:21:11,283 --> 00:21:13,478 What was that? - I don't know, 304 00:21:13,552 --> 00:21:16,851 Somebody yelled "Duck," - Well, let's get back to the chicken, 305 00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:19,254 Duck! - Oh! 306 00:21:21,493 --> 00:21:23,984 I don't understand what's going on around here, 307 00:21:24,063 --> 00:21:26,054 Duck! - Oh! 308 00:21:26,131 --> 00:21:30,363 Oh, no, I'm not gonna fall for another one of... Ow! 309 00:21:30,436 --> 00:21:34,270 So Dr. Bob has received a serious blow. 310 00:21:34,340 --> 00:21:38,868 Tune in next week, when you will hear Dr. Bob say to his patient. 311 00:21:38,944 --> 00:21:41,071 What kind of doctor do you think I am? 312 00:21:41,146 --> 00:21:42,704 Quack, 313 00:21:42,781 --> 00:21:44,476 I should know better than to ask a chicken, 314 00:21:44,550 --> 00:21:46,211 Duck! 315 00:22:09,241 --> 00:22:11,539 # Let there be you 316 00:22:13,612 --> 00:22:16,103 # Let there be me 317 00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:23,586 # Let there be oysters under the sea 318 00:22:25,891 --> 00:22:28,223 # Let there be wind 319 00:22:29,328 --> 00:22:32,297 # And occasionaI rain 320 00:22:33,632 --> 00:22:36,192 # Chili con carne 321 00:22:37,269 --> 00:22:41,103 # Sparkling Champagne 322 00:22:41,173 --> 00:22:43,164 # Let there be birds 323 00:22:43,242 --> 00:22:45,233 Small ones, huh? - Yes, 324 00:22:45,310 --> 00:22:49,144 - # That sing in the trees - I don't want that big one back, 325 00:22:49,214 --> 00:22:55,084 # Someone to bless me whenever I sneeze 326 00:22:55,154 --> 00:22:57,019 Ahchoo! - Bless you, Piggy, 327 00:22:57,089 --> 00:23:00,855 # Let there be cuckoos 328 00:23:00,926 --> 00:23:03,417 # A lark and a dove 329 00:23:04,530 --> 00:23:08,364 # But most of all, please 330 00:23:08,434 --> 00:23:11,426 # Let there be love 331 00:23:14,473 --> 00:23:20,139 Come in, boys, - # Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 332 00:23:21,947 --> 00:23:28,250 # Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 333 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:32,586 - # Let there there be cuckoos - # Doo, doo, doo 334 00:23:32,658 --> 00:23:36,219 - # A lark and a dove - # Doo, doo, dah 335 00:23:36,295 --> 00:23:40,061 - # But most of all, please - # Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 336 00:23:40,132 --> 00:23:43,863 - # Let there be love - # Love, love 337 00:23:44,103 --> 00:23:48,039 - # Let there be love - # Love, love 338 00:23:48,107 --> 00:23:53,409 - # Let there be love - # Yes, Brucie 339 00:23:53,479 --> 00:23:57,472 # Let there be love love between Bruce and the pig 340 00:23:57,549 --> 00:24:01,781 # Love, love, love oh, yes, oh, love, love 341 00:24:01,854 --> 00:24:03,515 Yeah, 342 00:24:05,924 --> 00:24:07,391 Well, that's about all the time we have, 343 00:24:07,459 --> 00:24:12,624 We'd like to have a speciaI thanks to our speciaI guest star Mr, Bruce Forsyth, 344 00:24:12,698 --> 00:24:17,101 Thank you, thank you, May I say it's been a pleasure to be on this television show, 345 00:24:17,169 --> 00:24:19,603 And, Kermit, you're a wonderfuI MC, 346 00:24:19,671 --> 00:24:22,970 Yeah, but he's an MC squared, 347 00:24:23,041 --> 00:24:27,307 He's so dumb, he thinks Veronica Lake is a body of water, 348 00:24:27,379 --> 00:24:30,473 Please, Fozzie, a little humility, 349 00:24:30,549 --> 00:24:32,449 Yeah, if you want to be working next week, 350 00:24:32,518 --> 00:24:36,045 Oh, in that case... Oh, please forgive me, Frog, please, 351 00:24:36,121 --> 00:24:37,281 Bruce, you taught him well, 352 00:24:37,356 --> 00:24:41,520 Hey, we'll see you all next week on The Muppet Show. 353 00:25:22,534 --> 00:25:25,264 This show brought a tear to my eye, - Really? 354 00:25:25,337 --> 00:25:28,500 Yeah, I'm sitting on a tack,