1
00:00:11,291 --> 00:00:16,490
It's The Muppet Show, with our
speciaI guest star Miss Sandy Duncan!

2
00:00:24,838 --> 00:00:26,829
# It's time to play the music

3
00:00:26,907 --> 00:00:28,932
# It's time to light the lights

4
00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:32,968
# It's time to meet the Muppets
on The Muppet Show tonight

5
00:00:33,046 --> 00:00:35,071
# It's time to put on makeup

6
00:00:35,148 --> 00:00:37,241
# It's time to dress up right

7
00:00:37,317 --> 00:00:40,650
# It's time to raise the curtain
on The Muppet Show tonight

8
00:00:43,657 --> 00:00:46,649
Hey, we were so poor,
I was born at home,

9
00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:50,663
After my mother saw me,
she went to the hospitaI,

10
00:00:50,731 --> 00:00:52,665
# To introduce our guest star

11
00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:54,564
# That's what I'm here to do

12
00:00:54,634 --> 00:00:57,034
# So it really makes me happy

13
00:00:57,104 --> 00:00:58,969
# To introduce to you

14
00:00:59,039 --> 00:01:01,030
Miss Sandy Duncan!

15
00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:05,301
Thank you,

16
00:01:07,848 --> 00:01:11,682
# But now let's get things started
on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI

17
00:01:11,752 --> 00:01:13,777
# CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI

18
00:01:13,854 --> 00:01:16,322
# This is what we call

19
00:01:16,390 --> 00:01:20,156
# The Muppet Show

20
00:01:27,968 --> 00:01:31,734
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
Hi-ho, I'm in a great mood tonight,

21
00:01:31,805 --> 00:01:35,434
and that's because our speciaI guest star
is a reaI good friend and a lovely lady -

22
00:01:35,509 --> 00:01:37,443
Miss Sandy Duncan,

23
00:01:37,511 --> 00:01:40,776
And so that means our show tonight
should be a reaI bang-up affair,

24
00:01:40,847 --> 00:01:44,010
Did somebody say "bang"?
- Uh, no,

25
00:01:49,055 --> 00:01:51,080
Oh,

26
00:01:51,158 --> 00:01:53,888
I've always wondered what the
show looked like from up here,

27
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,258
In any event, let's start off
the show with a musicaI number

28
00:01:56,329 --> 00:02:00,493
that was staged by our own gofer
Scooter, It could be a bomb, but...

29
00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:02,034
Did somebody say "bomb"?
- Oh!

30
00:02:02,102 --> 00:02:03,967
Oh, no!

31
00:02:07,107 --> 00:02:09,234
Wow,

32
00:02:09,309 --> 00:02:11,539
Well, somebody's gotta
introduce our guest star,

33
00:02:11,611 --> 00:02:14,808
so it might as well
be the old Fozzie, OK,

34
00:02:14,881 --> 00:02:17,349
Here she is, a star who does it all,

35
00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:19,942
She sings, she dances, she acts

36
00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:22,147
and she makes you feeI good all over,

37
00:02:22,222 --> 00:02:24,315
Miss Sandy Duncan!

38
00:02:38,505 --> 00:02:40,666
# Lost in a crowd

39
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,469
# Alone

40
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:44,567
# And drinkin' my third

41
00:02:45,612 --> 00:02:48,877
# Hungry for company

42
00:02:48,949 --> 00:02:50,541
# Can't think of the words

43
00:02:50,617 --> 00:02:54,178
# Watchin' the boys,
my heart in my hand

44
00:02:54,254 --> 00:02:57,348
- # What a misplaced pitifuI sight
- # PitifuI sight

45
00:02:57,424 --> 00:03:00,587
# Just a stiff upper lip
who'll be knowin' tomorrow

46
00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:03,026
# What she should have
been sayin' tonight

47
00:03:03,096 --> 00:03:06,497
# Won't you tell me
what's a nice girI like me

48
00:03:06,566 --> 00:03:09,467
# Doin' in a place that never closes?

49
00:03:09,536 --> 00:03:11,128
# Well, I can hardly hear ya

50
00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:12,796
# Holy Moses

51
00:03:12,873 --> 00:03:15,467
# Lookin' so sad

52
00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:19,239
# Now won't you tell me
what's a nice girI like me

53
00:03:19,312 --> 00:03:22,304
# Doin' by the dance floor after hours

54
00:03:22,382 --> 00:03:25,545
# Dozin' over rows of whiskey sours

55
00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:27,883
- # Feelin' so bad?
- # Feelin' so bad, so bad

56
00:03:27,954 --> 00:03:29,945
# I'm feelin' so bad for me

57
00:03:30,023 --> 00:03:32,890
# Whatcha doin' here, girI?

58
00:03:33,226 --> 00:03:35,922
# Whatcha doin' here, girI?

59
00:03:53,747 --> 00:03:57,148
# Now won't you tell me
what's a nice girI like me

60
00:03:57,217 --> 00:04:00,118
# Doin' in a place that never closes?

61
00:04:00,186 --> 00:04:02,051
# I can hardly hear ya

62
00:04:02,122 --> 00:04:03,453
# Holy Moses

63
00:04:03,523 --> 00:04:05,957
# Lookin' so sad

64
00:04:06,026 --> 00:04:09,689
# Now won't you tell me
what's a nice girI like me

65
00:04:09,763 --> 00:04:12,823
# Doin' by the dance floor after hours

66
00:04:12,899 --> 00:04:16,062
# Dozin' over rows of whiskey sours

67
00:04:16,136 --> 00:04:18,263
# Feelin' so bad?

68
00:04:18,338 --> 00:04:20,169
# I'm feelin' so bad for me

69
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,209
# Whatcha doin' here, girI?

70
00:04:23,543 --> 00:04:26,205
# Whatcha doin' here, girI?

71
00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:44,419
Thank you,

72
00:04:44,497 --> 00:04:46,294
Bravo! Bravo!
- WonderfuI,

73
00:04:46,366 --> 00:04:48,163
Fantastic,
- Tremendous,

74
00:04:48,234 --> 00:04:51,397
Yeah, you know, she makes
me feeI like a young boy,

75
00:04:51,471 --> 00:04:56,067
She makes me feeI like a young
girI, I think I'll go find one,

76
00:04:57,143 --> 00:04:59,407
Oh, where is that handsome frog?

77
00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:03,347
Oh, there you are, old frog friend,
- What?

78
00:05:03,416 --> 00:05:06,579
Would you lend me a fiver till payday?

79
00:05:06,653 --> 00:05:09,645
Fozzie, you already owe me five,
- Oh, please, please,

80
00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:14,353
I know it, but I gotta pay my
writer, the legendary Gags Beazley,

81
00:05:14,427 --> 00:05:17,089
The legendary Gags comes
pretty cheap, doesn't he?

82
00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:19,495
Well, we worked out a good deaI,

83
00:05:19,566 --> 00:05:23,434
You pay him by the line?
- No, I pay him by the laugh,

84
00:05:23,503 --> 00:05:25,835
Oh, Then he owes you money,

85
00:05:27,207 --> 00:05:31,667
Oh, that was cute, That
was reaI cute, Frog!

86
00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:49,486
The spoons, English
word - here the moo-fin,

87
00:05:49,562 --> 00:05:52,929
See the moo-fin? For the
hooI, the boomer shootin',

88
00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:55,229
That's make der hooI,
we throw der hoop,

89
00:05:55,301 --> 00:05:57,633
Here we throw hoop,

90
00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:02,433
Mm-hmm, That's very good,
This were the hooI, Hoop!

91
00:06:04,678 --> 00:06:07,146
That's weird, We throw der hoop,

92
00:06:09,049 --> 00:06:11,677
This were the hooI, Doo-nut,

93
00:06:14,587 --> 00:06:17,647
OK! Right now it's time
for our own king of comedy,

94
00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:21,057
You've no doubt heard the expression
"the next act needs no introduction"...

95
00:06:21,127 --> 00:06:26,292
Yeah, you're right, He doesn't need
an introduction, He needs an act,

96
00:06:26,366 --> 00:06:29,927
In your opinion, maybe, but Fozzie
Bear gets over 200 letters a week,

97
00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:34,804
Mm-hmm, yeah, but if he paid
his bills, he wouldn't get any,

98
00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:36,967
I'll let Fozzie handle
you guys, Here he is now,

99
00:06:37,043 --> 00:06:41,605
one of your favorites and I'm sure one of his
- Mr, Fozzie Bear!

100
00:06:41,681 --> 00:06:45,845
Hey, thank you, thank you,
thank you and thank you,

101
00:06:45,919 --> 00:06:50,379
Hey, love you, Oh, look out, I've
got some great ones for you tonight,

102
00:06:50,457 --> 00:06:54,621
Hey, my wife loves children,
but I can't bear them,

103
00:06:54,694 --> 00:06:55,991
Huh? Huh?

104
00:06:56,062 --> 00:06:59,259
Hey, we got three kids
- one of each,

105
00:06:59,332 --> 00:07:01,823
Ha ha!

106
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:06,463
Oh, I'm rolling now, I'm
on a roll, I'm on a roll!

107
00:07:06,539 --> 00:07:10,942
Yeah? Well, why don't you butter
yourself and slip on out of here?

108
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:15,276
Speaking of slipping, are you guys
familiar with the banana sketch?

109
00:07:15,348 --> 00:07:17,782
Oh, nice segue,
- Smooth,

110
00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:19,478
Good blend,

111
00:07:19,552 --> 00:07:22,385
Hey, hey, These two bananas
are walking down the street,

112
00:07:22,455 --> 00:07:24,082
and one banana says...

113
00:07:24,157 --> 00:07:27,388
Listen to Fozzie, Oh!

114
00:07:27,460 --> 00:07:30,361
He has them eating
right out from his hand,

115
00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:33,058
Well, he's got a new writer
- Gags Beazley,

116
00:07:33,133 --> 00:07:36,796
Not the legendary Gags Beazley?
- You mean, you've heard of him?

117
00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:39,532
Well, who hasn't?
- Me, for one,

118
00:07:39,606 --> 00:07:44,566
But Gags Beazley, he is to
comedy what Mozart was to music,

119
00:07:44,644 --> 00:07:47,841
He wrote the famous banana sketch,

120
00:07:47,914 --> 00:07:51,077
The banana sketch,
What's the banana sketch?

121
00:07:52,318 --> 00:07:56,379
You never heard of the banana
sketch? But it's the funniest...

122
00:07:58,491 --> 00:08:00,322
What's...?

123
00:08:01,394 --> 00:08:04,591
Oh, oh...

124
00:08:04,664 --> 00:08:05,756
Oh, hear that?

125
00:08:05,832 --> 00:08:08,096
Great, great,
- Oh, boy, I killed 'em, Oh, boy,

126
00:08:08,168 --> 00:08:10,693
Yeah, I closed with the
banana sketch, you know?

127
00:08:10,770 --> 00:08:13,864
Fozzie, what is the banana sketch?

128
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:17,706
You never heard of the banana sketch?
- Um...

129
00:08:17,777 --> 00:08:21,338
Hey, guys, Hey, Kermit never
heard of the banana sketch!

130
00:08:21,414 --> 00:08:23,348
What's...?

131
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:25,884
I think somebody's pulling my leg,

132
00:08:25,952 --> 00:08:28,648
Somebody is pulling my
leg, It's The Great Gonzo,

133
00:08:28,721 --> 00:08:31,781
You never heard of the banana sketch?

134
00:08:33,593 --> 00:08:35,925
Will you cut that out!

135
00:08:36,663 --> 00:08:37,823
Yeesh,

136
00:08:47,507 --> 00:08:51,034
You know, when I was in London,
I saw them changing the guards,

137
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,271
Why, were they dirty?

138
00:08:58,017 --> 00:09:01,043
Where'd you say you were born?
- In Paris,

139
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,317
Oh, How'd you do that?
- The usuaI way,

140
00:09:09,062 --> 00:09:11,895
My cousin lives in the desert,
and boy, can he run fast,

141
00:09:11,965 --> 00:09:17,028
- 'Cause the sand is so hot?
- No, 'cause the trees are so far apart,

142
00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:21,498
Do you remember where we first met?
- Yeah,

143
00:09:21,574 --> 00:09:23,735
At the hop,

144
00:09:25,945 --> 00:09:29,904
You know, I'm falling for you,
- What can I do?

145
00:09:29,983 --> 00:09:32,747
Get out of the way!

146
00:09:36,489 --> 00:09:37,786
Wanna join me?
- Yeah,

147
00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:42,018
Backwards,

148
00:09:42,095 --> 00:09:44,120
Excuse me, Sideways,

149
00:09:44,197 --> 00:09:46,097
Ohh,

150
00:09:46,165 --> 00:09:48,395
Oh, that was fun,

151
00:10:09,222 --> 00:10:12,453
Excuse me, Pardon me,
- Huh?

152
00:10:12,525 --> 00:10:14,083
You talkin' to me?
- Yes,

153
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,424
I couldn't help noticing
that you're crying,

154
00:10:16,496 --> 00:10:19,158
Of course I'm crying, I feeI sad,

155
00:10:19,232 --> 00:10:23,134
I mean, wouldn't you feeI
sad if you looked like me?

156
00:10:24,337 --> 00:10:27,272
I don't think there's anything
the matter with the way you look,

157
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:29,934
Oh, you're just saying that to be nice,
- No,

158
00:10:30,009 --> 00:10:34,969
No, I mean, I'm a big, huge,
hairy lump, and I scare people,

159
00:10:35,048 --> 00:10:38,609
Every time I walk in this
park, people yell, "Police!"

160
00:10:38,685 --> 00:10:40,710
They cry, "Monster!"

161
00:10:40,787 --> 00:10:45,850
Mothers grab their children and
little dogs run away and flowers wilt,

162
00:10:45,925 --> 00:10:48,826
Oh, now, come on, I think you're
exaggerating just a bit, aren't you?

163
00:10:48,895 --> 00:10:51,227
Oh, yeah? Well, watch this,

164
00:10:51,297 --> 00:10:53,265
Hello, flower,

165
00:10:56,336 --> 00:10:57,803
See?
- Yeah, Gee...

166
00:10:57,870 --> 00:11:01,135
And then see this
dog over here? - Uh-huh,

167
00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:03,698
Hello, doggy,

168
00:11:09,649 --> 00:11:12,482
But I'm not running away,
I'm not calling the police,

169
00:11:12,552 --> 00:11:15,214
and I don't think you're
a big lump, So there,

170
00:11:15,288 --> 00:11:17,756
Well, it's true, You're not,

171
00:11:17,824 --> 00:11:22,193
A beautifuI lady like you takes
the time to sit down and talk to me?

172
00:11:22,261 --> 00:11:25,389
Yeah, I just don't
like seeing people cry,

173
00:11:25,465 --> 00:11:27,990
I think there's too much
sadness in the world,

174
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:32,561
You know what? If people just took a
little time to look past the physicaI,

175
00:11:32,638 --> 00:11:34,902
they might find a lot of
beautifuI things about you,

176
00:11:34,974 --> 00:11:36,942
Oh!

177
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:41,572
I feeI so good, so... so
loved, so... so beautifuI!

178
00:11:41,647 --> 00:11:45,276
You see? If we feel
beautifuI, we are beautifuI,

179
00:11:45,351 --> 00:11:48,343
Oh, I feeI beautifuI!

180
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:52,251
Hello, flower,

181
00:11:55,528 --> 00:11:57,860
Hello, doggy,

182
00:12:02,502 --> 00:12:05,164
I feeI beautifuI!

183
00:12:05,238 --> 00:12:06,671
Do-do-dee-doh-doh

184
00:12:06,739 --> 00:12:08,263
Hello, fountain,

185
00:12:08,341 --> 00:12:11,105
Oh, thank you, beautifuI lady,
- You're welcome,

186
00:12:11,177 --> 00:12:12,769
# Oh,
dum-duh-duh

187
00:12:12,845 --> 00:12:15,575
Hello, pavement, Hello, grass,

188
00:12:18,518 --> 00:12:20,850
Oh, my,

189
00:12:21,754 --> 00:12:24,188
You mustn't look so sad,

190
00:12:24,257 --> 00:12:25,246
Oh...

191
00:12:25,324 --> 00:12:30,956
...I know that... that you may
appear to be, on the outside, ugly,

192
00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:32,759
but inside,

193
00:12:32,832 --> 00:12:37,565
I'll bet that you are as
beautifuI as a morning sunrise,

194
00:12:44,444 --> 00:12:46,776
On the other hand...

195
00:12:56,489 --> 00:12:59,720
# When life seems
full of clouds and rain

196
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:02,852
# And I am filled with naught but pain

197
00:13:02,929 --> 00:13:06,421
# Who soothes my
thumping, bumping brain?

198
00:13:06,499 --> 00:13:08,330
# Nobody

199
00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:11,963
# When winter comes
with snow and sleet

200
00:13:12,038 --> 00:13:15,030
# And me with hunger and cold feet

201
00:13:15,108 --> 00:13:18,600
# Who says, "Here's
two bits, go and eat"?

202
00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:20,509
# Nobody

203
00:13:21,547 --> 00:13:27,850
# I ain't never done nothin' to nobody

204
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:34,519
# I ain't never got
nothing from nobody no time

205
00:13:34,594 --> 00:13:41,022
# And untiI I get something
from somebody sometime

206
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:46,333
# I don't intend to
do nothin' for nobody

207
00:13:46,405 --> 00:13:48,498
# No time

208
00:13:51,511 --> 00:13:54,537
# When I try hard and scheme and plan

209
00:13:54,614 --> 00:13:57,674
# To look as good as e'er I can

210
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,810
# Who says, "Look at
that handsome man"?

211
00:14:00,887 --> 00:14:03,117
Who does?
- # Nobody

212
00:14:04,257 --> 00:14:07,385
# When all day long things go amiss

213
00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:10,429
# And I go home to find some bliss

214
00:14:10,496 --> 00:14:14,296
# Who hands to me a glowing kiss?

215
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:17,268
Nobody,
- Right,

216
00:14:17,336 --> 00:14:20,066
# I ain't never done nothin'

217
00:14:20,139 --> 00:14:23,438
# To nobody

218
00:14:23,509 --> 00:14:25,977
# I ain't never got nothing

219
00:14:26,045 --> 00:14:29,742
# From nobody no time

220
00:14:29,815 --> 00:14:32,477
# And untiI I get something

221
00:14:32,552 --> 00:14:35,953
# From somebody sometime

222
00:14:36,022 --> 00:14:41,824
# I don't intend to
do nothin' for nobody

223
00:14:41,894 --> 00:14:45,796
# No time

224
00:14:57,009 --> 00:14:58,738
Hi, everybody,
- Hi there,

225
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:04,343
Oh, dear, I should have warned him,

226
00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:07,545
# Never smile at a crocodile

227
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:11,215
# No, you can't get
friendly with a crocodile

228
00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:14,782
# Don't be taken in
by his welcome grin

229
00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:18,421
# He's imagining how well
you'd fit within his skin

230
00:15:22,835 --> 00:15:26,032
# Never smile at a crocodile

231
00:15:26,105 --> 00:15:29,768
# Never tip your hat
and stop to talk a while

232
00:15:29,842 --> 00:15:31,571
# Never run, walk away

233
00:15:31,644 --> 00:15:33,475
# Say, "Good night,"
not "Good day"

234
00:15:33,546 --> 00:15:37,880
# Clear the aisle and
never smile at Mr, Crocodile

235
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:41,442
# You may very well be well-bred

236
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,217
# Lots of etiquette in your head

237
00:15:45,291 --> 00:15:49,250
# But there's always some
speciaI case, time or place

238
00:15:49,328 --> 00:15:51,455
# To forget etiquette

239
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:52,690
For instance...

240
00:15:52,765 --> 00:15:55,893
# Never smile at a crocodile

241
00:15:55,968 --> 00:15:59,563
# No, you can't get
friendly with a crocodile

242
00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:03,405
# Don't be taken in by my welcome grin

243
00:16:03,476 --> 00:16:07,674
# I'm imagining how well
you'd fit within my skin

244
00:16:07,747 --> 00:16:10,807
# Never smile at a crocodile

245
00:16:10,883 --> 00:16:14,512
# Never tip your hat
and stop to talk a while

246
00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:16,282
# Never run, walk away

247
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:18,619
# Say, "Good night,"
not "Good day"

248
00:16:19,525 --> 00:16:22,085
G'night!
- G'night!

249
00:16:22,161 --> 00:16:26,359
# Clear the aisle and
never smile at Mr, Crocodile

250
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:29,765
Maybe I could meet you
guys tomorrow for lunch?

251
00:16:34,707 --> 00:16:38,199
You know, Sandy, it's nice for the two
of us just to have a moment alone to talk,

252
00:16:38,277 --> 00:16:41,110
I enjoy it, yeah,
- Hey, Sandy, Hey, Kermit,

253
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:42,977
Yeah, hi, Fozzie,
- Hi, Fozzie,

254
00:16:43,049 --> 00:16:45,381
Hi, Oh, boy, do I have good news,

255
00:16:45,451 --> 00:16:47,817
You can't stay long?
- No,

256
00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:50,151
No, I got plen... I
got plenty of time,

257
00:16:50,222 --> 00:16:52,986
That's bad news, What's the good news?
- Oh...

258
00:16:53,059 --> 00:16:59,089
OK, Frog, see, the good news is that
I have a great idea for a sketch...

259
00:16:59,165 --> 00:17:00,792
Oh,
- ... for both of us to play,

260
00:17:00,866 --> 00:17:04,825
You want to do a sketch with me?
- No, not you, With Sandy,

261
00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:06,235
With me? Oh, that's a...
- Yeah,

262
00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:07,795
Well, that sounds great, Fozzie,
- Yeah,

263
00:17:07,873 --> 00:17:10,239
Who wrote your sketch?
- Oh, my writer,

264
00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:13,836
the legendary Gags Beazley,

265
00:17:14,747 --> 00:17:16,009
Oh, come on, Fozzie,

266
00:17:16,082 --> 00:17:18,243
Gags Beazley is your writer?
- Come on?

267
00:17:18,317 --> 00:17:20,979
You know him?
- Well, I...

268
00:17:21,053 --> 00:17:23,521
Of course I know him, I mean,
you heard of Gags Beazley,

269
00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:25,921
He wrote the famous banana sketch,
- That's right!

270
00:17:25,991 --> 00:17:26,980
Wait a minute, Wait a
minute, Wait a minute,

271
00:17:27,059 --> 00:17:28,356
Not you, too, Sandy,
- Huh?

272
00:17:28,427 --> 00:17:31,794
Well, tell me, what
is this banana sketch?

273
00:17:31,864 --> 00:17:34,196
You never heard of
it? Come on, Kermit,

274
00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:38,669
Everybody's heard of the banana sketch,
- I told you, Kermit,

275
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,300
You know something?
- What?

276
00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:44,434
Gags Beazley, I can't
believe he's your writer,

277
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:45,841
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
- You know something?

278
00:17:45,911 --> 00:17:48,311
I am impressed, Fozzie,
Really impressed,

279
00:17:48,381 --> 00:17:50,178
Mm-hmm,
- Yeah,

280
00:17:50,249 --> 00:17:53,480
It's a reaI classic, this banana sketch?
- Yeah,

281
00:17:53,552 --> 00:17:55,247
And it was written by Gags Beazley?
- Yeah,

282
00:17:55,321 --> 00:17:58,449
How does it go there, Sandy?
- I mean, "Gags," "banana,"

283
00:17:58,524 --> 00:18:00,617
The words - synonymous,
right? - Right,

284
00:18:00,693 --> 00:18:05,096
You can say that again, I gag
every time I hear about this sketch,

285
00:18:05,164 --> 00:18:09,658
Fozzie, I could just be thinking about
the banana sketch, and I start to crack up,

286
00:18:09,735 --> 00:18:12,602
Me too,
- Do you? Does it make you laugh?

287
00:18:12,671 --> 00:18:14,298
Oh, stop,

288
00:18:14,373 --> 00:18:16,102
Listen, hey, Fozzie...
- What? What? What?

289
00:18:16,175 --> 00:18:18,973
Do you use a green
banana or a yellow one?

290
00:18:19,044 --> 00:18:21,171
Oh, yellow, Yellow,

291
00:18:21,247 --> 00:18:22,009
Yeah,

292
00:18:22,081 --> 00:18:24,549
A yellow one, I love it,

293
00:18:26,652 --> 00:18:28,483
Hey, wait, wait, Hold, hold on,
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

294
00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:29,418
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

295
00:18:29,488 --> 00:18:32,082
Hold! Hold! Hold, Hold,
Wait a minute, Wait a minute,

296
00:18:32,158 --> 00:18:34,752
I'm sorry,
- Sandy, Sandy, please, please,

297
00:18:34,827 --> 00:18:37,990
pretty please, Sandy, with
sugar on it, pretty please,

298
00:18:38,063 --> 00:18:40,088
What?
- What is the banana sketch?

299
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:41,190
Go on, tell him, Go ahead, tell him,

300
00:18:41,267 --> 00:18:42,393
Tell him, Tell him,
- You wanna tell him?

301
00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:44,902
You tell him, You tell him, You tell him,
- OK, I'm gonna try,

302
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:46,995
Yeah?
- OK, Well, all right, All right,

303
00:18:47,072 --> 00:18:49,734
Like, these two banan...

304
00:18:51,143 --> 00:18:53,304
These two bananas...

305
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,874
...are walking down the str...

306
00:18:59,385 --> 00:19:02,445
I can't stand it,
- It hurts to laugh,

307
00:19:05,224 --> 00:19:08,751
Tell me the truth, Statler,
Do you get the banana sketch?

308
00:19:08,828 --> 00:19:12,821
No, I get The New York Times
and the Manchester Guardian.

309
00:19:13,999 --> 00:19:15,899
Sorry I asked,

310
00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:20,200
Here's a Muppet news flash,
Dateline, Dallas, Texas,

311
00:19:20,272 --> 00:19:24,174
Mrs, Billie Lee Bonkers of that city
recently entered the Guinness Book of Records

312
00:19:24,243 --> 00:19:27,178
by establishing the world
jumping-in-place record,

313
00:19:27,246 --> 00:19:29,737
Mrs, Bonkers began jumping
in place three months ago

314
00:19:29,815 --> 00:19:32,750
and so far has jumped 652,000 times,

315
00:19:32,818 --> 00:19:35,787
- 652,00 1.
- Mrs, Bonkers,

316
00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:37,720
652,002.

317
00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:41,487
Mrs, Bonkers, do you need any
speciaI incentive to keep you going?

318
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,825
Oh, my, no. I have all
the incentive that I need.

319
00:19:44,897 --> 00:19:46,489
Uh, how's that?

320
00:19:46,565 --> 00:19:48,590
I am standing on a hot plate.

321
00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,032
Ahh! Ooh! Ohh!

322
00:19:50,102 --> 00:19:52,696
652,003...

323
00:19:52,771 --> 00:19:56,263
Truly a courageous
and inspiring story,

324
00:19:56,342 --> 00:19:58,776
Where do we get these nuts?

325
00:20:00,579 --> 00:20:04,413
OK, stand by for Veterinarian's
Hospital, Veterinarian's Hospital.

326
00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:06,644
Oh, frog of my life,

327
00:20:06,719 --> 00:20:10,746
please tell me what they're
saying about you is not true,

328
00:20:10,823 --> 00:20:11,983
What's that, Piggy?

329
00:20:12,057 --> 00:20:16,960
That you, you host of a television
show, veteran of the boards,

330
00:20:17,029 --> 00:20:21,728
you have never heard
of the banana sketch?

331
00:20:22,902 --> 00:20:26,269
Uh, "Piggy," said the frog, trying
to refrain from losing his cooI

332
00:20:26,338 --> 00:20:29,364
and looking like a bad sport,
"there is no banana sketch!"

333
00:20:29,441 --> 00:20:32,968
"There never was a banana sketch and
there never will be a banana sketch!"

334
00:20:33,045 --> 00:20:36,071
Whew,
- Touchy, touchy,

335
00:20:38,684 --> 00:20:41,209
Hey, which way to my dressing room?

336
00:20:41,287 --> 00:20:44,415
And don't try to shove
me into the refrigerator,

337
00:20:49,194 --> 00:20:51,754
And now
"Veterinarian's Hospital, "

338
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:55,857
the continuing story of a
former orthopedic surgeon

339
00:20:55,935 --> 00:20:57,926
who's gone to the dogs.

340
00:21:02,141 --> 00:21:04,701
Well, what do you think, Dr, Bob?

341
00:21:04,777 --> 00:21:07,177
This is your first transplant,

342
00:21:07,246 --> 00:21:10,215
Well, there's always a second chance,

343
00:21:10,282 --> 00:21:12,773
But what if he doesn't
make it, Dr, Bob?

344
00:21:12,851 --> 00:21:15,081
I don't mean him, I mean me,

345
00:21:15,154 --> 00:21:18,180
Let me check into something,

346
00:21:18,257 --> 00:21:20,282
The old ticker still sounds great,

347
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,759
Oh, you mean, his new heart is fine?

348
00:21:22,828 --> 00:21:27,288
No, I mean my new watch, I dropped
it in when I was sewing him up,

349
00:21:27,366 --> 00:21:31,393
So Dr. Bob dropped his
watch in the patient's chest.

350
00:21:31,470 --> 00:21:34,633
Tune in next week, when
we'll hear Dr. Bob say.

351
00:21:34,707 --> 00:21:36,140
Well, let's look on the bright side,

352
00:21:36,208 --> 00:21:41,510
At least if he doesn't make it,
we'll know the exact time he went,

353
00:21:44,717 --> 00:21:48,118
That's wonderfuI,
wonderfuI, right, Statler?

354
00:21:48,187 --> 00:21:50,212
Good grief, did he jump?

355
00:21:58,564 --> 00:22:02,330
# Try to remember

356
00:22:02,401 --> 00:22:05,370
# The kind of September

357
00:22:05,437 --> 00:22:09,339
# When life was slow

358
00:22:09,408 --> 00:22:12,935
# And oh, so mellow

359
00:22:13,012 --> 00:22:16,209
# Try to remember

360
00:22:16,281 --> 00:22:19,444
# The kind of September

361
00:22:19,518 --> 00:22:23,545
# When grass was green

362
00:22:23,622 --> 00:22:26,648
# And grain was yellow

363
00:22:26,725 --> 00:22:29,717
# Try to remember

364
00:22:29,795 --> 00:22:34,528
# The kind of September

365
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:41,836
# When you were a
tender and callow fellow

366
00:22:41,907 --> 00:22:44,967
# Try to remember

367
00:22:45,044 --> 00:22:48,241
# And if you remember

368
00:22:48,313 --> 00:22:50,781
# Then follow

369
00:22:50,849 --> 00:22:52,339
# Follow

370
00:22:52,685 --> 00:22:55,848
# Follow

371
00:22:59,792 --> 00:23:04,024
# Try to remember

372
00:23:04,096 --> 00:23:07,190
# When life was so tender

373
00:23:07,266 --> 00:23:10,201
# That no one wept

374
00:23:10,269 --> 00:23:14,262
# Except the willow

375
00:23:14,339 --> 00:23:17,001
# Try to remember

376
00:23:17,076 --> 00:23:21,240
# When life was so tender

377
00:23:21,313 --> 00:23:24,180
# That dreams were kept

378
00:23:24,249 --> 00:23:27,980
# Beside your pillow

379
00:23:28,053 --> 00:23:31,614
# Try to remember

380
00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:34,921
# When life was so tender

381
00:23:34,993 --> 00:23:38,258
# That love was an ember

382
00:23:38,330 --> 00:23:42,460
# About to billow

383
00:23:43,502 --> 00:23:45,868
# Try to remember

384
00:23:45,938 --> 00:23:48,805
# And if you remember

385
00:23:48,874 --> 00:23:51,809
# Then follow

386
00:23:51,877 --> 00:23:54,539
# Follow

387
00:23:54,880 --> 00:24:00,944
# Follow

388
00:24:09,228 --> 00:24:11,992
Well, once again it's time to fold
up our tents, but before we go,

389
00:24:12,064 --> 00:24:17,400
we'd like to give a speciaI thanks
to our guest star, Miss Sandy Duncan!

390
00:24:17,469 --> 00:24:19,460
Thank you, Thank you,

391
00:24:19,538 --> 00:24:20,562
Kermit,

392
00:24:20,639 --> 00:24:23,506
I want you to know I had a good time,
- Oh, me, too, Hey, and you know

393
00:24:23,575 --> 00:24:26,840
how some shows give their guest star
a dozen roses at the end of the show?

394
00:24:26,912 --> 00:24:30,348
You shouldn't have,
- I didn't, Hey, banana boy!

395
00:24:33,418 --> 00:24:36,649
Sandy, it was the frog's
idea, not mine, not mine,

396
00:24:36,722 --> 00:24:39,589
It's all right, I love it, I love all of you,
- Yeah?

397
00:24:39,658 --> 00:24:42,525
Yeah, well, I hope that's the last
I ever hear of the banana sketch,

398
00:24:42,594 --> 00:24:44,926
We'll see you all next
time on The Muppet Show!

399
00:24:44,997 --> 00:24:46,988
Thank you,

400
00:25:23,802 --> 00:25:25,827
Well, how'd you like the show?

401
00:25:25,904 --> 00:25:29,897
Maybe I'm getting soft, but
I loved it, Have a banana,