1 00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:16,662 It's The Muppet Show with our speciaI guest star, Miss Phyllis Diller! 2 00:00:25,105 --> 00:00:27,096 # It's time to play the music 3 00:00:27,174 --> 00:00:29,165 # It's time to light the lights 4 00:00:29,242 --> 00:00:33,338 # It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight 5 00:00:33,413 --> 00:00:35,404 # It's time to put on makeup 6 00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:37,473 # It's time to dress up right 7 00:00:37,551 --> 00:00:40,850 # It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight 8 00:00:43,023 --> 00:00:46,982 Hey! Did you hear the one about the kangaroo who walked into a store, 9 00:00:47,060 --> 00:00:50,325 and this hippopotamus comes out and says to the kanga... 10 00:00:50,397 --> 00:00:53,059 Hey, I wasn't finished! - # To introduce our guest star 11 00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:54,760 # That's what I'm here to do 12 00:00:54,835 --> 00:00:57,235 # So it really makes me happy 13 00:00:57,304 --> 00:00:59,431 # To introduce to you 14 00:00:59,506 --> 00:01:01,497 Miss Phyllis Diller! 15 00:01:08,115 --> 00:01:11,983 # But now let's get things started on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI 16 00:01:12,052 --> 00:01:14,111 # CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI 17 00:01:14,187 --> 00:01:16,747 # This is what we call 18 00:01:16,823 --> 00:01:20,486 # The Muppet Show 19 00:01:25,966 --> 00:01:28,628 Thank you, Oh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 20 00:01:28,702 --> 00:01:30,499 and welcome to The Muppet Show. 21 00:01:30,570 --> 00:01:32,970 We've got a really terrific show for you tonight, 22 00:01:33,039 --> 00:01:37,203 with our super extra-speciaI guest star, Miss Phyllis Diller, 23 00:01:37,277 --> 00:01:39,677 Now, to get things started, we... 24 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:44,081 Excuse me, there seems to be a frog on the stage, 25 00:01:44,151 --> 00:01:47,120 There is supposed to be a frog on the stage, 26 00:01:47,187 --> 00:01:49,678 There is supposed to be a bear back in the dressing room, 27 00:01:49,756 --> 00:01:53,715 Oh, well, you see, see, I think you just work too hard, frog of my heart, 28 00:01:53,794 --> 00:01:56,354 So I thought I would introduce the show this week, 29 00:01:56,430 --> 00:02:00,560 OK, fine, You introduce the show and I will pull the rope, 30 00:02:00,634 --> 00:02:03,034 The ro... What rope? 31 00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:06,129 Uh, the rope for the trapdoor, 32 00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:08,470 The trap... Aah! 33 00:02:09,709 --> 00:02:13,805 Now let's get things started on The Muppet Show with some "Mississippi Mud," 34 00:02:18,118 --> 00:02:19,881 # When the sun goes down and the tide goes out 35 00:02:19,953 --> 00:02:22,012 # And the people gather round and they all begin to shout 36 00:02:22,088 --> 00:02:23,316 # Hey, hey, Uncle Dud 37 00:02:23,390 --> 00:02:24,755 # It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud 38 00:02:25,091 --> 00:02:26,888 # It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud 39 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,689 # What a dance do they do 40 00:02:28,762 --> 00:02:30,457 # Lordy, how I'm telling you 41 00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:31,963 # They don't need no band 42 00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:33,761 # They keep time by clapping their hands 43 00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:35,392 # Just as happy as a cow a-chewing on the cud 44 00:02:35,469 --> 00:02:37,403 # When the people beat their feet on the Mississippi mud 45 00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:39,795 Ooh! 46 00:02:42,075 --> 00:02:43,804 Ah-hah! 47 00:02:43,877 --> 00:02:45,868 Uh-huh, 48 00:02:47,914 --> 00:02:49,609 # When the sun goes down and the tide goes out 49 00:02:49,683 --> 00:02:51,742 # And the people gather round and they all begin to shout 50 00:02:51,818 --> 00:02:53,046 # Hey, hey, Uncle Dud 51 00:02:53,119 --> 00:02:54,518 # It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud 52 00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:56,652 # It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud 53 00:02:56,723 --> 00:02:58,418 # What a dance do they do 54 00:02:58,492 --> 00:03:00,187 # Lordy, how I'm telling you 55 00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:01,693 # They don't need no band 56 00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:03,490 # They keep time by clapping their hands 57 00:03:03,563 --> 00:03:05,292 # Just as happy as a cow a-chewing on the cud 58 00:03:05,365 --> 00:03:06,957 # When the people beat their feet, when the people beat their feet 59 00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:10,093 # When the people beat their feet on the Mississippi mud 60 00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:11,228 Ah-hah! 61 00:03:13,807 --> 00:03:15,832 Bravo, oh, bravo! 62 00:03:15,909 --> 00:03:18,070 WonderfuI, just wonderfuI, 63 00:03:18,144 --> 00:03:21,875 How would you know? You're not even facing the stage, 64 00:03:21,948 --> 00:03:26,442 Why did you have to tell me? I was having such a good time, 65 00:03:27,454 --> 00:03:30,582 Yeah, great number, Really good, Really good, 66 00:03:30,657 --> 00:03:33,592 Very believable, Good number, Great number, 67 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,685 Hey! Hey, who forgot to wipe their feet? 68 00:03:35,762 --> 00:03:37,821 I thought I told you guys to wipe your feet? 69 00:03:37,898 --> 00:03:41,857 Oh, that Miss Diller, she is so wonderfuI, 70 00:03:41,935 --> 00:03:44,870 Oh, nice lady, huh? - Oh, yes, Scooter, 71 00:03:44,938 --> 00:03:47,463 And so young-looking, 72 00:03:47,541 --> 00:03:50,601 Scooter, just between you and me, 73 00:03:50,677 --> 00:03:53,805 do you suppose Miss Diller has had her face raised? 74 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:58,010 Huh? Oh, you mean lifted? Oh, sure, yeah, She jokes about it all the time, 75 00:03:58,084 --> 00:04:04,387 Ah, that's wonderfuI, A person should stay young and dynamic as long as possible, 76 00:04:04,457 --> 00:04:05,685 Mm, 77 00:04:05,759 --> 00:04:07,920 Maybe I should consider that, - Hmm? 78 00:04:07,994 --> 00:04:10,656 After all, I am 35, 79 00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:16,730 Hey, hey, is it possible Hilda's 35? 80 00:04:16,803 --> 00:04:19,135 Only around the waist, 81 00:04:21,341 --> 00:04:23,639 And now, a lady so wonderfully nutty 82 00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:27,646 that she makes The Great Gonzo seem like Sir Laurence Olivier, 83 00:04:27,714 --> 00:04:31,150 Here she is, the zaniest of them all, the one and only Phyllis Diller, 84 00:04:49,069 --> 00:04:51,970 Say there, sailor, You new in town? 85 00:04:52,038 --> 00:04:54,563 Do you make it a habit of annoying beautifuI women? 86 00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:55,437 Yes, 87 00:04:55,508 --> 00:04:58,773 But since there are none around, I'll go ahead and annoy you, 88 00:04:58,845 --> 00:05:00,574 Why are you hounding me? 89 00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:03,775 I'm a hound, What should I do, people you? 90 00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:05,943 Cut the comedy, I'm depressed, 91 00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:08,954 Oh, Oh, I'm sorry, Hey, let me buy you a drink, 92 00:05:09,022 --> 00:05:11,422 I don't drink with strangers, 93 00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:14,689 I'm Phyllis, - I'm Rowlf, 94 00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:18,391 I'll have a triple cream soda on the rocks, 95 00:05:18,465 --> 00:05:20,660 Say, you are depressed, 96 00:05:20,734 --> 00:05:22,201 Oh, miss? 97 00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:26,068 Uh, miss, two triple cream sodas on the rocks, 98 00:05:27,607 --> 00:05:31,600 Now, what's wrong? - It's just that I'm such a loser, 99 00:05:31,678 --> 00:05:35,011 Oh, I know what you mean, I am too, 100 00:05:35,081 --> 00:05:37,709 Do you know, someone gave me a beautifuI white mink stole, 101 00:05:37,784 --> 00:05:41,550 Within a month, I had developed black dandruff, 102 00:05:42,555 --> 00:05:44,523 Oh, Oh, that is depressing, 103 00:05:44,591 --> 00:05:50,291 But do you know that my fleas have started wearing dog collars just to get rid of me? 104 00:05:50,363 --> 00:05:55,426 Oh, I know the feeling, I was in the back yard singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," 105 00:05:55,502 --> 00:05:59,029 It fell on me, I went to a taffy pull, 106 00:05:59,105 --> 00:06:01,266 The taffy won, 107 00:06:02,008 --> 00:06:06,104 I swear if I bought a new hat, they'd canceI Easter, 108 00:06:07,681 --> 00:06:09,273 Oh, you think that's bad? 109 00:06:09,349 --> 00:06:12,512 Listen, I went to Hollywood and fell in love with a movie star, 110 00:06:12,585 --> 00:06:14,052 Lassie, 111 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,521 She left me for Francis the Talking Mule, 112 00:06:18,725 --> 00:06:23,162 I bought one of those expensive new cars that goes from zero to 60 113 00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:26,130 in three hours and 2 7 minutes, 114 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,961 I had to put it in low to get off a wad of gum, 115 00:06:32,238 --> 00:06:34,103 Hey, you think... You think that's bad? 116 00:06:34,174 --> 00:06:39,271 The first three months of my life there was a newspaper strike, 117 00:06:40,814 --> 00:06:44,511 OK, I went to the beauty parlor, and the lady at the desk said: 118 00:06:44,584 --> 00:06:48,281 "Madam, We do repairs, not reclamations," 119 00:06:49,723 --> 00:06:52,920 So then I asked the hairdresser what I should use on my hair, 120 00:06:52,992 --> 00:06:54,983 He said, "A match," 121 00:06:57,363 --> 00:06:59,558 But you see, I was born ugly, 122 00:06:59,632 --> 00:07:02,226 I have home movies of my folks leaving the hospitaI 123 00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,634 with sacks over their heads, 124 00:07:06,406 --> 00:07:09,102 My father asked the doctor, "Is it a boy or a girI?" 125 00:07:09,175 --> 00:07:11,336 He said, "No," 126 00:07:13,747 --> 00:07:17,843 I tell you, Rowlf, I'm just a born loser, 127 00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:22,820 Aw, maybe, But you don't know what it's like to live life as a dog, 128 00:07:22,889 --> 00:07:25,824 Don't be so sure, fella, 129 00:07:28,361 --> 00:07:30,886 Listen, I gotta go now, - Hey, wait a minute, What's wrong? 130 00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:34,400 I'm having too good a time, A girI just can't be miserable in this dump, 131 00:07:34,467 --> 00:07:35,365 Aw, 132 00:07:35,435 --> 00:07:39,235 Listen, you should stick around, Phyllis, Why, you and me could be rotten together, 133 00:07:39,305 --> 00:07:41,296 Aw! 134 00:07:48,882 --> 00:07:52,318 That was fantastic, - What a performer she is, 135 00:07:52,385 --> 00:07:54,376 Mm, What's her secret? - What's her magic? 136 00:07:54,454 --> 00:07:57,480 What's her name? - You've forgotten too, huh? 137 00:07:57,557 --> 00:08:01,721 Well, whoever she is, she's every bit as funny as Phyllis Diller, 138 00:08:01,795 --> 00:08:03,558 Who is? - Uh, I forget, 139 00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:05,689 Uh, me too, 140 00:08:12,205 --> 00:08:14,605 Oh, good, Nobody is around, 141 00:08:14,674 --> 00:08:19,077 Time for old Hilda to become young Hilda, 142 00:08:27,220 --> 00:08:27,948 Oh! 143 00:08:28,021 --> 00:08:31,286 Everybody is going to be so surprised, 144 00:08:31,357 --> 00:08:35,657 They won't even recognize their old wardrobe mistress, 145 00:08:35,728 --> 00:08:37,218 Hi, Hilda, 146 00:08:37,297 --> 00:08:39,322 Hey, the opening number costumes are downstairs, 147 00:08:39,399 --> 00:08:41,993 Would you bring 'em up here, please? 148 00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:45,765 And then again, I could be wrong, 149 00:08:49,175 --> 00:08:52,508 Here's a Muppet news flash, 150 00:08:52,579 --> 00:08:54,809 Dateline, Mobile, Alabama, 151 00:08:54,881 --> 00:08:58,749 Mrs, Beverly Shepherd has made aviation history in this southern city, 152 00:08:58,818 --> 00:09:01,286 Last week, Mrs, Shepherd made a pair of wings, 153 00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:05,154 strapped them to her body, and flew to Dallas, Texas, 154 00:09:05,225 --> 00:09:09,525 Here she is direct from Texas to tell us the details, 155 00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:14,361 Gosh! Am I really on TV? - Yes, Mrs, Shepherd, you are, 156 00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:17,562 Now can you tell us the details of this astounding accomplishment? 157 00:09:17,637 --> 00:09:20,902 What was so astounding? It was so easy, 158 00:09:20,974 --> 00:09:25,411 I just made my wings out of aluminum, and I covered them with chicken feathers, 159 00:09:25,478 --> 00:09:28,072 and then I fitted them with straps for my arms, 160 00:09:28,147 --> 00:09:29,580 Yes, yes, Go on, 161 00:09:29,649 --> 00:09:33,915 Then I went out to the airport and boarded a plane for Dallas, 162 00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:37,316 What's the big deaI? 163 00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:39,654 I'm sure I have no idea, 164 00:09:49,402 --> 00:09:52,428 Oh, I'm so crazy about you, I can't see straight, 165 00:09:52,505 --> 00:09:55,941 Oh! Oh, I'm so goofy about you, I can't eat, 166 00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:59,968 Oh! Oh, I'm so much in love with you I can't even sleep, 167 00:10:00,046 --> 00:10:02,844 Oh, well, what should we do? - Well, I, uh... 168 00:10:02,916 --> 00:10:05,214 Check into a hospitaI, man, 169 00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:09,218 Ah, Huh, 170 00:10:09,289 --> 00:10:14,488 Finally good to get out of that box, - Yeah, pay attention, I'm leading, 171 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,653 One, two, three, dip, - Uh! 172 00:10:22,502 --> 00:10:25,471 Oh, that's what I don't like about him, 173 00:10:25,538 --> 00:10:26,766 Huh? What? 174 00:10:26,839 --> 00:10:29,535 He's always blowing his own horn, 175 00:10:29,609 --> 00:10:31,099 Huh, 176 00:10:31,911 --> 00:10:34,744 Wasn't that garlic you had for dinner hot? 177 00:10:34,814 --> 00:10:36,975 Are you kidding? 178 00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:04,239 # Oh, lazybones 179 00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:07,211 # Sleeping in the sun 180 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,740 # How you expect to get your day's work done? 181 00:11:13,186 --> 00:11:15,780 # Never get your day's work done 182 00:11:18,591 --> 00:11:21,924 # Sleeping in the noonday sun 183 00:11:24,230 --> 00:11:26,596 # Lazybones 184 00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:29,464 # Sleeping in the shade 185 00:11:29,535 --> 00:11:34,268 # How you expect to get your cornmeaI made? 186 00:11:35,641 --> 00:11:38,132 # Never get your cornmeaI made 187 00:11:39,979 --> 00:11:44,439 # When you're sleeping in the evening shade 188 00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:55,417 Mmm, yeah, 189 00:11:56,829 --> 00:11:58,660 Mmm, 190 00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:12,177 # Oh, I say, lazybones 191 00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:14,475 # Loafing through the day 192 00:12:14,547 --> 00:12:17,243 # How you expect to make 193 00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:19,546 # A dime that way? 194 00:12:19,619 --> 00:12:23,988 # You're gonna never make a dime that way 195 00:12:25,391 --> 00:12:29,828 # Well, he never heard a word I said 196 00:12:31,197 --> 00:12:32,630 Yeah, 197 00:12:38,905 --> 00:12:41,203 Uh, oh, We're on, we're on, - Oh, 198 00:12:41,274 --> 00:12:43,936 Phyllis Diller, Well, hello, 199 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:44,999 Hey, hey, hey, hey, 200 00:12:45,078 --> 00:12:48,707 Kermit said I could chat with you because, well, we're both comedians, you know, 201 00:12:48,781 --> 00:12:52,342 and frankly I think you are the funniest person alive, 202 00:12:52,418 --> 00:12:53,680 Yeah, - Thank you, 203 00:12:53,753 --> 00:12:57,086 I was wondering if you could give me a few tips on comedy, hm? 204 00:12:57,156 --> 00:13:00,284 Why, that's so nice of you, Fozzie, Of course I'll give you a few tips, 205 00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:02,293 Haaah hah ha! 206 00:13:02,361 --> 00:13:05,262 "Of course I'll give you a few tips," That's so funny! 207 00:13:05,331 --> 00:13:06,764 Wait, wait, - I love it, 208 00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:08,926 Wait a minute, The first tip: - What? 209 00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:12,459 Don't laugh before I tell the joke, 210 00:13:12,538 --> 00:13:14,938 Oh, - Oh, this isn't gonna be easy, 211 00:13:15,007 --> 00:13:16,065 OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, 212 00:13:16,142 --> 00:13:18,007 I'll tell you what we need, topics, Now, here's a topic, 213 00:13:18,077 --> 00:13:19,601 Topics, topics, - Fang is so cheap, 214 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:25,584 his idea of a deodorant is to Scotch-tape a pine cone under each armpit, 215 00:13:26,652 --> 00:13:29,678 That's a husband joke, - I can't do that joke, 216 00:13:29,755 --> 00:13:31,518 Why? - I don't have a husband, 217 00:13:31,591 --> 00:13:34,025 Well, how about a wife? - No, no wife, 218 00:13:34,093 --> 00:13:36,220 Well, make one up, They don't care, 219 00:13:36,295 --> 00:13:38,422 What? But... I'm... I... 220 00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:42,229 I couldn't do that, I couldn't lie to the audience, I, I... 221 00:13:42,301 --> 00:13:45,168 They love me, I love them, I couldn't lie to the audience, 222 00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:49,265 Well, you just did, You told them you're a comedian, 223 00:13:50,276 --> 00:13:54,372 Now, looky here, We've got to find you a topic, 224 00:13:54,447 --> 00:13:56,642 OK, Topic, OK, - Uh-huh, 225 00:13:56,716 --> 00:14:00,413 OK, You must live somewhere? - Uh... Oh, yeah, I got this small apartment, 226 00:14:00,486 --> 00:14:04,445 Terrific, Small apartment joke, I live in an apartment so small, 227 00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:06,856 the mice are hunchbacked, 228 00:14:10,429 --> 00:14:11,987 No? No mice? - No, 229 00:14:12,064 --> 00:14:15,192 No, I got a mouse, but he's not hunchbacked, 230 00:14:15,268 --> 00:14:17,327 He's got the gout, 231 00:14:17,403 --> 00:14:21,100 Oh, wait, wait, I understand now, Wait, Oh, I see, OK, Here it goes, 232 00:14:21,174 --> 00:14:23,335 You got it? - Here we go, yeah, 233 00:14:23,409 --> 00:14:27,812 I live in an apartment so small, my mouse has the gout, 234 00:14:29,482 --> 00:14:31,473 That's funny, It's funny, 235 00:14:31,551 --> 00:14:33,314 It is funny, 236 00:14:33,386 --> 00:14:35,377 Oh, please laugh, 237 00:14:36,956 --> 00:14:38,856 Oh, please... 238 00:14:38,925 --> 00:14:40,392 Fozzie, baby, - What? 239 00:14:40,459 --> 00:14:43,690 You're just gonna have to learn to lie, - Oh, but why, Phyllis? 240 00:14:43,763 --> 00:14:47,130 I'll tell you why, So in case you don't make it as a comedian... 241 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,499 Yeah? - ... at least you can go into politics, 242 00:14:50,570 --> 00:14:52,299 Haaa! 243 00:14:52,371 --> 00:14:54,805 Now, that's funny! 244 00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:05,407 # Hugga wugga 245 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,311 # Hugga wugga 246 00:15:11,157 --> 00:15:13,148 # Hugga wugga 247 00:15:15,061 --> 00:15:17,052 # Hugga wugga 248 00:15:19,031 --> 00:15:20,999 # Hug hugga wug wugga 249 00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:22,932 # Wuggy buggy mugga mugga 250 00:15:23,002 --> 00:15:25,664 # Wug bug wah 251 00:15:28,674 --> 00:15:30,665 # Hugga wugga 252 00:15:32,812 --> 00:15:34,803 # Piggy wiggy? 253 00:15:36,682 --> 00:15:38,673 # Hugga wugga 254 00:15:40,686 --> 00:15:42,745 # Hoogy woogy heeky hooky 255 00:15:46,492 --> 00:15:49,017 - # Hugga wugga - # Hugga wugga 256 00:15:50,463 --> 00:15:53,023 - # Hugga wugga - # Hugga wugga 257 00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:55,534 - # Hug - # Hugga 258 00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:56,625 - # Wug - # Wugga 259 00:15:56,702 --> 00:15:57,600 - # Buggy - # Buggy 260 00:15:57,670 --> 00:15:58,568 - # Mugga - # Mugga 261 00:15:58,638 --> 00:16:00,970 # Wug wug wah 262 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:05,067 # You are my sunshine 263 00:16:05,144 --> 00:16:08,773 # My only sunshine 264 00:16:12,551 --> 00:16:15,042 # Hugga wugga 265 00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:18,818 # You make me happy 266 00:16:18,891 --> 00:16:21,826 # When skies are gray 267 00:16:26,098 --> 00:16:30,535 # You'll never know, dear 268 00:16:30,603 --> 00:16:34,095 # How much I love you 269 00:16:38,077 --> 00:16:40,068 # Hugga wugga 270 00:16:42,181 --> 00:16:46,743 # You are my sunshine 271 00:16:46,819 --> 00:16:49,310 # My only sun... 272 00:16:50,489 --> 00:16:52,889 #... shine 273 00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:56,520 # Hugga wugga 274 00:16:56,595 --> 00:17:00,725 # You make me happy 275 00:17:04,603 --> 00:17:06,571 # Hug hugga wug wugga 276 00:17:06,639 --> 00:17:08,539 # Buggy buggy mugga mugga 277 00:17:08,607 --> 00:17:11,098 # Wug wug wah 278 00:17:11,177 --> 00:17:14,772 # When skies are gray 279 00:17:16,615 --> 00:17:19,345 Hugga wugga? 280 00:17:19,418 --> 00:17:23,286 # You'll never know, dear 281 00:17:23,356 --> 00:17:27,122 # How much I love you 282 00:17:28,527 --> 00:17:30,688 Hugga wugga! 283 00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:44,572 # Do not take my sunshine 284 00:17:44,643 --> 00:17:47,976 # Away 285 00:17:52,084 --> 00:17:56,316 # You are my sunshine, my only sunshine 286 00:17:56,389 --> 00:17:59,324 Why, you old fooI, - What? 287 00:17:59,392 --> 00:18:03,192 I'm not your son and my name's not Shine, 288 00:18:03,262 --> 00:18:05,662 And he calls me an old fooI? 289 00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:11,661 # You make me happy when skies are gray 290 00:18:13,506 --> 00:18:19,035 Well, this time Miss Diller has given me some beauty hints, 291 00:18:19,111 --> 00:18:22,274 Now everybody will notice the change, 292 00:18:22,348 --> 00:18:26,148 Hilda, Hilda, it is great, The change is wonderfuI, 293 00:18:26,218 --> 00:18:28,482 Oh, you like it, then? 294 00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:31,751 Oh, sure, yeah, Those dressing room towels have been dirty for a week, 295 00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:34,691 It's wonderfuI that you changed them, 296 00:18:35,694 --> 00:18:39,357 This means all-out war! 297 00:18:41,901 --> 00:18:44,335 Dr, Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs, 298 00:18:44,403 --> 00:18:46,837 where the future is being made today, 299 00:18:46,906 --> 00:18:49,033 Well, excitement is running high here at the labs, 300 00:18:49,108 --> 00:18:54,375 because today is the day we introduce our new line of exploding hats, 301 00:18:54,447 --> 00:18:57,541 Ooh! Oh! Oh! 302 00:18:59,685 --> 00:19:02,381 Ah, 303 00:19:02,455 --> 00:19:04,980 Ah, Isn't that cunning, folks? 304 00:19:05,057 --> 00:19:10,120 And, of course, for those who want the daring double-barreled effect... 305 00:19:10,196 --> 00:19:12,460 Exploding earmuffs, 306 00:19:13,532 --> 00:19:16,695 Oh, whoopee, Well, there you have it, 307 00:19:16,769 --> 00:19:19,761 These are the perfect companions to the perenniaI favorite, 308 00:19:19,839 --> 00:19:22,865 the Muppet self-destruct necktie, 309 00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:28,576 So, that's all for now from... uh... Muppet... 310 00:19:32,451 --> 00:19:34,351 Hi, Phyllis, What you got there? 311 00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:37,878 It's my new pocket camera, It takes great pictures, You see there? 312 00:19:37,957 --> 00:19:40,721 Oh, What are these pictures of? 313 00:19:40,793 --> 00:19:42,784 Pockets, 314 00:19:46,098 --> 00:19:48,589 And now, "Veterinarian's Hospital. " 315 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:54,572 The continuing story of an orthopedic surgeon who has gone to the dogs. 316 00:19:57,843 --> 00:20:00,573 Dr, Bob? Dr, Bob? 317 00:20:00,646 --> 00:20:02,443 Your next patient is ready, 318 00:20:02,515 --> 00:20:05,109 Yes, yes, I was just tending to an emergency, 319 00:20:05,184 --> 00:20:08,153 A musician at the symphony just fell through his harp, 320 00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:09,687 Oh, Where is he now? 321 00:20:09,755 --> 00:20:12,280 In rooms 9, 1 0, 1 1 and 1 2, 322 00:20:14,126 --> 00:20:17,323 OK, Where's the next patient? - Uh, he's right here, Dr, Bob, 323 00:20:17,396 --> 00:20:18,363 Oh, Hmm, 324 00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:20,955 Little fella, isn't he? Huh? 325 00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:25,629 This is no patient, it's a loaf of bread, - And a very sick one, 326 00:20:25,704 --> 00:20:28,400 Good grief! It's talking bread, 327 00:20:28,474 --> 00:20:31,807 Dr, Bob, what do you make of it? - What else? 328 00:20:31,877 --> 00:20:33,708 Toast! 329 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:38,341 And so, Dr. Bob has discovered edible patients. 330 00:20:39,685 --> 00:20:43,712 Tune in next week, when you will hear Nurse Janice say. 331 00:20:43,789 --> 00:20:47,122 Uh, Dr, Bob, Should I prepare the anesthetic? 332 00:20:47,192 --> 00:20:50,286 No, just stand by with the marmalade, 333 00:20:55,668 --> 00:20:58,068 Gee, who is that? She is beautifuI, 334 00:20:58,137 --> 00:21:01,538 Uh, excuse me, Miss, Can I help you? 335 00:21:01,607 --> 00:21:03,768 Hello, darling, 336 00:21:03,842 --> 00:21:08,541 Got any wardrobe work for your old Hilda? 337 00:21:08,614 --> 00:21:12,072 Hilda! Why... Why, you're beautifuI, 338 00:21:12,151 --> 00:21:13,175 Thank you, 339 00:21:13,252 --> 00:21:16,619 But you're so slim, How... How do you do that? 340 00:21:16,689 --> 00:21:20,716 Very tight foundation garments, 341 00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:23,626 Oh, Hilda, I just want you to know that I think it's wonderfuI 342 00:21:23,696 --> 00:21:27,154 that you want to look your best and to... 343 00:21:28,767 --> 00:21:32,533 Oh, darn, My girdle had a blowout, 344 00:21:33,439 --> 00:21:38,103 Oh, that's OK, Hilda, We love you like you are anyhow, 345 00:21:38,177 --> 00:21:42,944 Well, the old gray mare is just what she used to be, 346 00:21:44,817 --> 00:21:48,617 And now, featuring in concert with our own Muppet orchestra, 347 00:21:48,687 --> 00:21:50,848 Miss Phyllis Diller, 348 00:22:58,457 --> 00:23:01,449 I'll find it, 349 00:24:05,591 --> 00:24:07,183 Well, that's just about it for another show, 350 00:24:07,259 --> 00:24:12,458 We'd like to thank our speciaI guest star, Miss Phyllis Diller! 351 00:24:12,531 --> 00:24:13,691 Thank you, thank you, Kermit, 352 00:24:13,766 --> 00:24:15,631 Oh, you're welcome, you're welcome, Phyllis, 353 00:24:15,701 --> 00:24:18,795 Would you do me a favor? - For you, for you I would do anything, 354 00:24:18,871 --> 00:24:22,170 Oh, how nice, Would you stand over there, on the other side of me? 355 00:24:22,241 --> 00:24:23,799 Uh, stand over here? - Right over there, 356 00:24:23,876 --> 00:24:24,740 Sure, - Yes, 357 00:24:24,810 --> 00:24:26,334 Is this OK? - That's just perfect, 358 00:24:26,411 --> 00:24:27,105 Hmm, 359 00:24:27,179 --> 00:24:29,739 OK, Well, friends, as I say, it's the end of the show now, 360 00:24:29,815 --> 00:24:31,749 so thank you for joining us, and join us next time 361 00:24:31,817 --> 00:24:33,682 on The M... Aaaah! 362 00:24:33,752 --> 00:24:35,652 Haaa! 363 00:24:35,721 --> 00:24:38,451 See you next time on The Muppet Show. Haaa! 364 00:24:38,524 --> 00:24:40,549 Aaaah! 365 00:25:16,161 --> 00:25:18,561 I loved it, 366 00:25:18,630 --> 00:25:21,758 No! I hated it!