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It's The Muppet Show with our speciaI
guest star, Mr, Vincent Price, Woo!

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# It's time to play the music

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# It's time to light the lights

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# It's time to meet the Muppets
on The Muppet Show tonight

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# It's time to put on makeup

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# It's time to dress up right

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# It's time to raise the curtain
on The Muppet Show tonight

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Hey! I once met a vampire who was so
rich, he lived in a split-leveI coffin,

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# To introduce our guest star

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# That's what I'm here to do

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# So it really makes me happy

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# To introduce to you

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Mr, Vincent Price!

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# But now let's get things started

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# On the most
sensationaI, inspirationaI

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# CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI

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# This is what we call

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# The Muppet Show

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Thank you! Thank you,
thank you and good evening,

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and welcome to a very unusuaI
edition of The Muppet Show.

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Yes, things are going to be
a little bit strange tonight,

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You probably can already tell,

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Be prepared for the strange,
the weird and the scary

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because our guest star is none other
than the crown prince of terror,

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Mr, Vincent Price!

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So tonight there will be no craziness,
no slapstick and no silliness...

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Ha ha!

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Or at least not much of it,

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Let the scariness begin,

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# I've got you

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# You've got me

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# Under my skin

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# Under your skin

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# I've got you

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# You've got me

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# Deep in the heart of me

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That's very true,

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# So deep in my heart

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Oh!

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# You're really a part of me

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I don't wanna be a part of you!

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# I've got you

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# Under my skin

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- # I've tried so
- Huh? What?

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# Not to give in

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Get back down there,

47
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# I've said to myself this
affair never will go so well

48
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# But why should you try to resist

49
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# When, darling, I know so well

50
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# I've got you

51
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# You've got me

52
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# Under my skin

53
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Just give me a chance here,

54
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# You'd sacrifice anything come what
might for the sake of having me near

55
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# In spite of a warning
voice that comes in the night

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# And repeats and repeats in your ear

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# Don't you know, little fooI

58
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# You never can win

59
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# Use your mentality

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# Wake up to reality

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Yeah, but, uh...

62
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# But each time I do just
the thought of you makes me

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# Stop before you begin

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# Because I've got you

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# You got me

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# Under my skin

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# Que sera, sera

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# Whatever will be will be

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Ohh!

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That number scared the pants off me,

71
00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:26,536
Are you sure you didn't just
forget to put 'em on again?

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OK, stand by for the
house of horror sketch,

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Calm down, back there,

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Hey, boss,
- Hm, What?

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There's someone here
wanting to audition,

76
00:04:39,225 --> 00:04:43,252
OK, Who is he?
- Well, it's not exactly a he,

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OK, Who is she?
- Well, it's not exactly a she,

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Scooter, this rather severely
limits the possibilities,

79
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Would you please explain yourself?
- Well, it's sort of a they,

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You mean there's more than one?
- Not really,

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This gofer is about
to become a gone-fer,

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Scooter, what are you talking about?
- Uh, that,

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Hi, Mr, Frog,
Can we be on your show?

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Good grief, it's a triple-header,

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I'm going back to the dressing room,
- I'm going to the makeup room,

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I'll wait here,

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In honor of my homeland, Kermit has
asked me to do the next introduction,

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We take you now to Transylvania,

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to a high and brooding hill,

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We take you now to
the house of horror,

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Oh, Gonzo! I don't think very much of
this summer cottage you rented for us,

92
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Yeah, I don't understand it, The
ad looked so good in the paper,

93
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What paper was that?
- The Wampire Veekly.

94
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The Wampire Veekly?

95
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It does look kinda big
for just the two of us,

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Wooo-ooo-ooo!
- Ohh!

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The three of us,

98
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Oh!

99
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The... four of us,

100
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Well, at least we won't be lonely,

101
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Someone's... someone's at the
door, Someone's at the door,

102
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Ohh, I bet it's not the Welcome Wagon,

103
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Yep, it's not the Welcome Wagon,

104
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Good evening,

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Excuse me, but do you
have a room for the night?

106
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You see, the road has washed out

107
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and my horse had a flat tire,

108
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Well, maybe I, uh...

109
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I must tell you I am not alone,

110
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I am traveling with
my beautifuI assistant

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and a hideously deformed monster,

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Oh!

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Hideously deformed is right,

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Watch it! I'm the beautifuI assistant,

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Oh, boy,

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Master, I've left Toto in the coach,

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Toto?

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Good, good,

119
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And now I must ask, can
you tell me what time it is?

120
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Uh... Oh, golly, my hourglass
seems to have stopped,

121
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Oh, this is terrible! Terrible,

122
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We're in trouble,
- Yes,

123
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Why's that?

124
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Because every night at
the stroke of midnight,

125
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the master turns into
a screaming, maniacaI,

126
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demonic, raging,
blood-lusting animaI,

127
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And then I get mean,

128
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What do we do?
- Quickly, quickly,

129
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Prepare a dungeon, chains,
manacles... Bind me!

130
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Oh, no, It's too late, It's midnight,

131
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Oh, no, something's different,

132
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Oh, quick, what night is it?
- New Year's Eve,

133
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Oh, no!

134
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This is too crueI, Too inhuman,

135
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What? What? What is? What?
Tell! Tell! What! What!

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On New Year's Eve, the master
turns into Jack Parnell,

137
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Vincent Price is the most wonderfully
scary actor since Thudge McGerk,

138
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Heh! Thudge McGerk,

139
00:09:03,890 --> 00:09:09,385
I'll never forget him, His last
film was Phantom of the Soap Opera.

140
00:09:09,462 --> 00:09:11,828
Yeah, After that, he went berserk,

141
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They say he still haunts
theatres around the world,

142
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Three eyes, green hair, long orange
horns and big, long ugly fangs,

143
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Horrible man, Horrible,

144
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No!

145
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Listen, on your way back
up, bring some popcorn,

146
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With butter,
- Ha!

147
00:09:43,263 --> 00:09:45,322
You OK?

148
00:09:46,866 --> 00:09:49,334
Excuse me, frog honcho of mine,
- Mm?

149
00:09:49,402 --> 00:09:51,927
Well, the triple-header is
still waiting to audition,

150
00:09:52,005 --> 00:09:54,098
Oh, Well, you know, with
Vincent Price on the show,

151
00:09:54,173 --> 00:09:57,267
maybe a three-headed
monster might be appropriate,

152
00:09:57,343 --> 00:09:59,607
Tell me, what do you guys do?
- We sing,

153
00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:01,670
No, we dance,
- No, we tell jokes,

154
00:10:01,748 --> 00:10:03,807
Uh-huh, You work on television much?

155
00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:05,851
Work on television much?
- Always!

156
00:10:05,919 --> 00:10:07,443
Sometimes!
- Never,

157
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,785
I think you fellas have some problems,
Which one of you is the leader?

158
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He is,
- He is,

159
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She is,
- In fact, they got lots of problems,

160
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If you're like I am, and
you certainly must be,

161
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you are appalled and shocked at the
weird unnaturaI things going on tonight,

162
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Here, to counter all that, the very
naturaI, the very normaI Wayne and Wanda,

163
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# I'm wild again

164
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# Beguiled again

165
00:10:46,259 --> 00:10:51,253
# A simpering, whimpering child again

166
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# Bewitched

167
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Bothered and bewildered,

168
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This part of the program
is the culturaI part,

169
00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:06,801
We have to get started
now, Just a second,

170
00:11:06,879 --> 00:11:10,872
Time once again, friends, to raise
the intellectuaI leveI of our program,

171
00:11:10,950 --> 00:11:13,544
and tonight, our speciaI
guest is Mr, Vincent Price,

172
00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:15,746
Well, it's a pleasure
to be with you, Kermit,

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00:11:15,822 --> 00:11:19,656
In addition to his other talents,
Mr, Price is also a great cook,

174
00:11:19,726 --> 00:11:23,127
So tonight's topic for
discussion is gourmet dining,

175
00:11:23,196 --> 00:11:24,891
Vincent has assembled
the rest of the paneI

176
00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:26,829
so I'll just let you do
the introductions, sir,

177
00:11:26,899 --> 00:11:28,366
All right, Kermit, thank you,

178
00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:32,803
Well, I have asked two of my
culinary friends to join us tonight,

179
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:37,241
On your immediate right is Pierre
Lacouse, one of the world's great chefs,

180
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:38,299
A pleasure,

181
00:11:38,378 --> 00:11:43,372
And next to him is Gorgon Heap,
one of the world's great eaters,

182
00:11:43,449 --> 00:11:45,576
Mmmaagh!

183
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,154
Uh, yeah, I see,

184
00:11:50,223 --> 00:11:54,751
Well, starting off, now, Vincent, what would
you say is the world's most delicious dish?

185
00:11:54,827 --> 00:11:58,854
Well, Kermit, you know, haute
cuisine is so varied and wonderfuI

186
00:11:58,931 --> 00:12:04,096
that is a most difficult question,
but if I must choose my favorite dish,

187
00:12:04,170 --> 00:12:09,369
I would have to say it is probably
escalope de veau a I'estragon.

188
00:12:10,743 --> 00:12:12,734
It is delicious!

189
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:21,311
Vincent, I dislike it for
all France to disagree,

190
00:12:21,454 --> 00:12:24,150
but for sheer magnificence,

191
00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:29,354
nothing can compare to gigot
en epaule de pre-sale farci.

192
00:12:29,429 --> 00:12:32,057
Oh, that is delicious,

193
00:12:32,131 --> 00:12:33,393
Oh!

194
00:12:33,466 --> 00:12:35,593
He ate my casserole,

195
00:12:36,502 --> 00:12:41,804
Pierre, that is a fine dish, provided
that it is made in exactly the same way

196
00:12:41,874 --> 00:12:44,934
that it was prepared by
the great chef Escoffier,

197
00:12:45,011 --> 00:12:47,343
Oh, he was delicious,

198
00:12:48,648 --> 00:12:51,913
He ate my hat!
- Uh...

199
00:12:51,984 --> 00:12:53,144
Uh, yes,

200
00:12:53,219 --> 00:12:56,985
Listen, Pierre, There's one thing
I've always wanted to ask you,

201
00:12:57,056 --> 00:12:59,047
Ah, oui. Uh!

202
00:13:02,261 --> 00:13:04,422
But it's a little late now,

203
00:13:08,935 --> 00:13:10,129
Uh, Vincent,

204
00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:13,661
Who is this guy, anyhow?
- Say, you look delicious,

205
00:13:13,739 --> 00:13:15,798
Wait a second, Get away
from me, you hulking creep!

206
00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:19,106
Vincent, can you stop him, please?
- Froggie, you have to admit,

207
00:13:19,178 --> 00:13:22,045
you do look tasty,

208
00:13:22,115 --> 00:13:26,279
Tune in next week when our topic
for discussion will be...

209
00:13:26,352 --> 00:13:30,755
I know I'm a bit of a deviI,
but I do love frogs' legs,

210
00:13:36,929 --> 00:13:40,831
This show should be reported to
the consumer protection agency,

211
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:43,528
Why?
- The host was just consumed,

212
00:13:44,871 --> 00:13:46,862
Don't count on it,

213
00:13:46,939 --> 00:13:50,807
Hey, this is our box, fella!
Let me see your ticket stub,

214
00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:05,049
I'm going into the moving business,

215
00:14:05,124 --> 00:14:07,786
Really? Locally?
- No,

216
00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:09,851
Ghost to ghost,

217
00:14:13,332 --> 00:14:14,321
Oh!

218
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,630
I'm simply starving,

219
00:14:16,702 --> 00:14:19,637
Can't we stop for a bite?

220
00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:21,764
Delighted, my dear,

221
00:14:26,245 --> 00:14:29,271
That man is absolutely batty,
- Huh,

222
00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,615
Why do you say that?

223
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,881
Why don't we stop and have a drink?

224
00:14:39,959 --> 00:14:41,859
We can't,
- Why not?

225
00:14:41,928 --> 00:14:44,419
They don't serve spirits here,

226
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:51,866
You know, my mother said if I
worked hard, I could get ahead,

227
00:14:51,938 --> 00:14:54,270
Oh, well, here it is,

228
00:14:55,708 --> 00:14:57,699
Ooh!

229
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,405
- # I'm looking through you
- Weee!

230
00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:06,076
- # Where did you go?
- Hee hee hee hee!

231
00:15:06,152 --> 00:15:08,746
- # I thought I knew you
- Oooh!

232
00:15:08,821 --> 00:15:11,449
- # What did I know?
- Yeeeeeee!

233
00:15:11,524 --> 00:15:16,860
# You don't look different
but you have changed

234
00:15:16,929 --> 00:15:19,420
# I'm looking through you

235
00:15:19,498 --> 00:15:21,489
# You're not to blame

236
00:15:25,104 --> 00:15:27,572
# Your lips are moving

237
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,336
- # I cannot hear
- Woo woo woo woo!

238
00:15:30,409 --> 00:15:32,809
# Your voice is soothing

239
00:15:32,878 --> 00:15:35,745
# But the words aren't clear

240
00:15:35,815 --> 00:15:37,715
# You don't sound different

241
00:15:37,783 --> 00:15:41,048
# I've learnt the game

242
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,645
# I'm looking through you

243
00:15:43,723 --> 00:15:46,157
# You're not the same

244
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:18,854
# Why, tell me why, did
you not treat me right?

245
00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:25,424
# Love has a nasty habit
of disappearing overnight

246
00:16:25,498 --> 00:16:27,932
# You're thinking of me

247
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,594
# The same old way

248
00:16:30,670 --> 00:16:33,161
# You were above me

249
00:16:33,239 --> 00:16:35,833
# But not today

250
00:16:35,908 --> 00:16:41,073
# The only difference
is you're down there

251
00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:43,741
# I'm looking through you

252
00:16:43,816 --> 00:16:46,148
# And you're nowhere

253
00:16:49,255 --> 00:16:51,416
Boo!

254
00:16:56,762 --> 00:16:59,287
Hey, Vincent, I really thank you
for coming on this show tonight

255
00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:02,459
and so do all the Muppet monsters,
- Well, thank you, Kermit,

256
00:17:02,535 --> 00:17:06,062
I never met a monster I didn't like,
- I can believe it,

257
00:17:06,138 --> 00:17:08,868
Hey, can I ask you a question?
- Yes, of course,

258
00:17:08,941 --> 00:17:12,035
In all the scary movies
you've done through the years,

259
00:17:12,111 --> 00:17:16,741
well, you're always turning into a
vampire, Well, how do you do that?

260
00:17:23,956 --> 00:17:26,447
How do you do that? That is so scary,

261
00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:30,858
Well, Kermit, if you
will forgive the modesty,

262
00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:34,161
that is perhaps the epitome
of the actor's craft,

263
00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:39,296
It takes tremendous concentration,
years of physicaI and emotionaI training

264
00:17:39,372 --> 00:17:42,205
and enormous mentaI exertion,

265
00:17:42,274 --> 00:17:44,868
Do you understand?
- Oh, sure,

266
00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:51,280
Oh, well, some people
learn faster than others,

267
00:17:56,455 --> 00:17:59,390
By the way, I thought your
wife was coming tonight,

268
00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:01,790
The old bat couldn't come,

269
00:18:04,096 --> 00:18:06,462
The rest of 'em sure made it,

270
00:18:15,775 --> 00:18:16,764
Kermit,
- Kermit,

271
00:18:16,842 --> 00:18:18,810
Kermit,
- Uh, what, what, what?

272
00:18:18,878 --> 00:18:20,709
When do we go on?

273
00:18:20,780 --> 00:18:24,307
Listen, I'm sorry, fellas, but there
is no place for you in the show tonight,

274
00:18:24,383 --> 00:18:26,715
But what about our big song?

275
00:18:26,786 --> 00:18:29,346
Good grief, All right, What big song?

276
00:18:29,422 --> 00:18:32,152
What else? "Tea For Three,"

277
00:18:32,224 --> 00:18:34,385
Out, out, out!

278
00:18:35,661 --> 00:18:39,722
Who writes this stuff, anyway?
- Who else?

279
00:18:39,799 --> 00:18:43,462
The ghostwriter,

280
00:18:46,005 --> 00:18:48,337
Here is a Muppet news flash.

281
00:18:49,975 --> 00:18:52,239
Our newsroom has been
flooded with calls today,

282
00:18:52,311 --> 00:18:57,305
reporting that furniture all over
town has been turning into monsters.

283
00:18:57,383 --> 00:18:59,510
Seven people have
allegedly been attacked

284
00:18:59,585 --> 00:19:03,783
by a wandering pack of sofas
at the east edge of town.

285
00:19:04,523 --> 00:19:10,655
A dining-room table set for eight
reportedly ate the eight it was set for.

286
00:19:10,729 --> 00:19:13,220
When contacted for
comment, Sheriff David Coles

287
00:19:13,299 --> 00:19:16,200
assured Muppet News central
that the rumor was false.

288
00:19:16,268 --> 00:19:20,967
According to Coles, there is no way for a
piece of furniture to turn into a monster.

289
00:19:23,409 --> 00:19:25,309
Scientists throughout
the city confirmed

290
00:19:25,377 --> 00:19:28,505
that such an occurrence
would be impossible.

291
00:19:30,816 --> 00:19:35,116
...Inanimate objects cannot
turn into monsters. Still...

292
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:43,318
The mass hysteria could be due to what
psychologists are calling "furnophobia, "

293
00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:48,230
a dread fear of the rising
prices of home furnishings.

294
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,165
The phenomena does seem to relate

295
00:19:50,236 --> 00:19:54,195
to the cost-of-living
increase during the past month.

296
00:19:54,273 --> 00:19:56,764
But people are advised to relax,

297
00:19:56,842 --> 00:20:01,472
secure in the knowledge that their
furniture will not turn into a monster.

298
00:20:01,547 --> 00:20:05,074
And that's all tonight
from Muppet News. Goodnight.

299
00:20:10,923 --> 00:20:13,687
Boy, that last item about
furniture is ridiculous,

300
00:20:19,131 --> 00:20:22,726
This is ridiculous, I
can't find Hilda anywhere,

301
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:26,168
Oh, well, I guess I'll just have
to carry this stuff up myself,

302
00:20:26,238 --> 00:20:28,604
Ooh, excuse me, Mr, Price,
- Yes?

303
00:20:28,674 --> 00:20:31,234
Can I give you a hand?
- Oh, please,

304
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:32,971
Here,

305
00:20:34,246 --> 00:20:36,578
That's my kind of joke,

306
00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:43,152
Hey, guys, I hear you're not
gonna make it on the show tonight,

307
00:20:43,222 --> 00:20:46,089
Kermit didn't like our song,
- But it doesn't matter,

308
00:20:46,158 --> 00:20:49,321
We got a new act,
- Oh, yeah? Tell me what's the new act?

309
00:20:49,395 --> 00:20:51,920
Well, you see, I'm the straight man,
- I'm the comic,

310
00:20:51,997 --> 00:20:54,966
And I'm the audience,
- That way, no matter how bad we are...

311
00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:57,366
...we'll always love us,

312
00:20:57,436 --> 00:21:01,805
Yeah, like, say, who was that
lady I saw you with last night?

313
00:21:01,874 --> 00:21:04,240
That was no lady, that
was a pawn shop sign,

314
00:21:07,513 --> 00:21:10,004
We're a hit! We're a hit!
- Yeah, we're superstars,

315
00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:13,176
They love us!
- So long, Fozzie,

316
00:21:14,186 --> 00:21:18,714
I never thought I'd be jealous
of a guy with three heads,

317
00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:25,226
Hm,

318
00:21:25,297 --> 00:21:28,698
My youngest boy is very
interested in medicine,

319
00:21:28,767 --> 00:21:31,429
Oh, he's a doctor?

320
00:21:31,503 --> 00:21:33,835
No, A hospitaI,

321
00:21:35,975 --> 00:21:38,910
Well, that just about brings these
strange proceedings to an end,

322
00:21:38,978 --> 00:21:44,382
Let's have a speciaI thanks to
our guest star, Mr, Vincent Price,

323
00:21:45,718 --> 00:21:47,515
Hey, Vincent, you were
really super tonight,

324
00:21:47,586 --> 00:21:52,785
Hey, let's give him another hand,
- Oh, no, Kermit, let me give you one, huh?

325
00:21:52,858 --> 00:21:57,659
Will you cut that out? We'll see
you all next time on The Muppet Show.

326
00:22:39,104 --> 00:22:41,163
Well, that's easy for you to say,