1 00:00:11,124 --> 00:00:16,426 It's The Muppet Show with our speciaI guest stars, the Mummenschanz, 2 00:00:24,838 --> 00:00:26,806 # It's time to play the music 3 00:00:26,873 --> 00:00:28,864 # It's time to light the lights 4 00:00:28,942 --> 00:00:33,038 # It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight 5 00:00:33,113 --> 00:00:35,081 # It's time to put on makeup 6 00:00:35,148 --> 00:00:37,139 # It's time to dress up right 7 00:00:37,217 --> 00:00:40,709 # It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight 8 00:00:42,255 --> 00:00:43,552 Hey! 9 00:00:43,623 --> 00:00:46,217 30 days has September, ApriI, June, 10 00:00:46,293 --> 00:00:50,662 and my cousin Fred, who'll be out on Wednesday, 11 00:00:50,731 --> 00:00:52,790 # To introduce our guest star 12 00:00:52,866 --> 00:00:54,493 # That's what I'm here to do 13 00:00:54,568 --> 00:00:56,968 # So it really makes me happy 14 00:00:57,037 --> 00:00:59,062 # To introduce to you 15 00:00:59,139 --> 00:01:01,130 The Mummenschanz! 16 00:01:07,814 --> 00:01:11,648 # But now let's get things started on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI 17 00:01:11,718 --> 00:01:13,743 # CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI 18 00:01:13,820 --> 00:01:16,414 # This is what we call 19 00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:20,085 # The Muppet Show 20 00:01:27,934 --> 00:01:30,835 Thank you, thank you, And welcome again to The Muppet Show. 21 00:01:30,904 --> 00:01:34,931 And a rather unusuaI one we have planned, because our speciaI guest stars 22 00:01:35,008 --> 00:01:37,602 are the unique masked theater group from Switzerland 23 00:01:37,677 --> 00:01:39,770 known as the Mummenschanz, 24 00:01:39,846 --> 00:01:42,713 But right now, let's get things started with Floyd, Scooter and the gang 25 00:01:42,783 --> 00:01:44,842 and "Mr, Bass Man," 26 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,089 # Hey, Mr, Bass Man 27 00:01:55,162 --> 00:01:56,993 # You've got that certain something 28 00:01:57,063 --> 00:01:58,826 # Hey, Mr, Bass Man 29 00:01:58,899 --> 00:02:00,730 # You set that music thumping 30 00:02:00,801 --> 00:02:02,462 # To you it's easy 31 00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:04,367 # When you go one, two, three 32 00:02:04,438 --> 00:02:05,268 Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba? 33 00:02:05,338 --> 00:02:07,636 # You mean ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba 34 00:02:07,707 --> 00:02:09,800 # Yeah! Hey, Mr, Bass Man 35 00:02:09,876 --> 00:02:11,207 # You're on all the songs 36 00:02:11,278 --> 00:02:13,007 # With a ba-ba-ba-ba boom boom 37 00:02:13,079 --> 00:02:15,274 # And a ba-ba-ba-ba boom-boom bam-bam 38 00:02:15,348 --> 00:02:17,145 # Hey, Mr, Bass Man 39 00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:19,117 # You're the hidden king of rock and roll 40 00:02:19,186 --> 00:02:20,380 - # Ba-ba-ba-ba ba? - # No, no 41 00:02:20,454 --> 00:02:22,479 # Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba 42 00:02:22,556 --> 00:02:24,387 # Oh! Well, it don't mean a thing 43 00:02:24,458 --> 00:02:26,483 # When the leader's singing 44 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,618 # Or when he goes 45 00:02:27,694 --> 00:02:30,094 - # Ay-ay ay hi-ay-ay-ay-ay - # Yeah 46 00:02:30,163 --> 00:02:31,892 # Hey, Mr, Bass Man 47 00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:33,762 # I'm asking just one thing 48 00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:35,631 # Will you please teach me 49 00:02:35,702 --> 00:02:37,067 # Yeah, the way you sing? 50 00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:39,230 # 'Cause, Mr, Bass Man 51 00:02:39,306 --> 00:02:41,103 # I wanna be a bass man too 52 00:02:41,174 --> 00:02:42,402 - # Ba-ba ba-ba ba? - # Like this 53 00:02:42,476 --> 00:02:44,569 # Ba-ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba ba 54 00:02:44,644 --> 00:02:47,943 # Boom boom boom boom ba-ba-ba boom boom boom boom 55 00:02:48,014 --> 00:02:49,777 - # Now you - # Boom-boom-boom-boom boom 56 00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:51,784 # Ba-ba-ba boom-boom-boom boom boom 57 00:02:51,852 --> 00:02:53,479 - # With me - # Boom boom boom boom 58 00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:55,316 # Ba-ba-ba boom-boom-boom boom boom 59 00:02:55,388 --> 00:02:57,253 # Ba-ba-ba boom ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom 60 00:02:57,324 --> 00:02:59,258 # Ba-ba-boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom 61 00:02:59,326 --> 00:03:01,021 # Well, it don't mean a thing 62 00:03:01,094 --> 00:03:03,085 # When the leader's singing 63 00:03:03,163 --> 00:03:04,323 # Or when he goes 64 00:03:04,397 --> 00:03:06,763 - # Ay-ay ay hi-ay-ay-ay-ay - # Yeah 65 00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:08,460 # Hey, Mr, Bass Man 66 00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:10,332 # I think I'm really with it 67 00:03:10,403 --> 00:03:12,132 # Hey, Mr, Boom ba-boom ba-boom 68 00:03:12,205 --> 00:03:13,934 # With a de-de de-de de-de de-de 69 00:03:14,007 --> 00:03:15,770 # Come on, Mr, Bass Man 70 00:03:15,842 --> 00:03:17,707 # Now I'm a bass man too 71 00:03:17,777 --> 00:03:18,971 # De-de de-de ba ba ba? 72 00:03:19,045 --> 00:03:21,309 # Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba ba 73 00:03:21,381 --> 00:03:24,316 # Boom boom boom boom ba-ba-ba boom-boom boom boom boom 74 00:03:24,384 --> 00:03:26,375 - # Ba-ba boom-boom-boom boom boom - # You got it 75 00:03:26,453 --> 00:03:27,920 # Ba-ba-ba boom-boom-boom boom boom 76 00:03:28,255 --> 00:03:29,586 # Ba-ba-ba boom-boom-boom boom boom 77 00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:31,584 # Ba-ba-ba boom-boom-boom boom boom 78 00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:33,558 # Ba-ba-ba boom ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom 79 00:03:33,627 --> 00:03:35,094 # Ba ba boom boom boom boom boom 80 00:03:35,161 --> 00:03:37,152 # Cha 81 00:03:39,199 --> 00:03:42,430 Genius! Genius! - Author! Author! 82 00:03:42,502 --> 00:03:44,402 A work of art, - Brilliant, 83 00:03:44,471 --> 00:03:47,463 What was that about? - That was about, uh... 84 00:03:47,541 --> 00:03:49,532 ...a minute and a half, 85 00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,710 Hello? Is this DiaI-A-Joke? 86 00:03:52,779 --> 00:03:57,216 # Fish got to swim, birds got to fly 87 00:03:57,284 --> 00:04:01,653 # I've got to love one frog till I die 88 00:04:02,789 --> 00:04:04,256 Hmm, 89 00:04:04,324 --> 00:04:06,918 What is this? 90 00:04:06,993 --> 00:04:09,223 "My dearest Piggy," 91 00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:15,132 "You must know how much I love you," Uh, uh... 92 00:04:15,201 --> 00:04:18,261 "I cannot pretend any longer," 93 00:04:18,338 --> 00:04:22,104 "I will wait for you in the dressing room, mon cher. " 94 00:04:23,343 --> 00:04:25,538 It has happened! Oh! 95 00:04:25,612 --> 00:04:28,945 My Kermit has admitted his love for me at last, 96 00:04:29,015 --> 00:04:31,643 And now, he waits within, 97 00:04:31,718 --> 00:04:35,677 Oh, come to my arms, my little passion flower! 98 00:04:38,425 --> 00:04:41,189 I'm here, my love, 99 00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:46,394 Kissy kissy? 100 00:04:51,504 --> 00:04:55,531 Our speciaI guest, the Mummenschanz, is a group of performers who... 101 00:04:55,609 --> 00:04:58,134 Well, they're kind of distant cousins to the Muppets, 102 00:04:58,211 --> 00:05:00,702 They use a unique mixture of pantomime and masks 103 00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:03,374 that's about as difficult to describe as to pronounce, 104 00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:06,942 Ladies and gentlemen, the Mummenschanz, 105 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,591 Fantastic, Incredible, They remind me of puppets, 106 00:07:30,663 --> 00:07:33,826 Hmm, puppets, I've always hated puppets, 107 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,925 Ah, you're a traitor to your class, 108 00:07:36,002 --> 00:07:38,994 What class? I never even graduated, 109 00:07:42,876 --> 00:07:48,041 She kissed me, She put her arms around me and she kissed me, 110 00:07:48,114 --> 00:07:51,777 It was a case of mistaken identity, 111 00:07:51,851 --> 00:07:52,681 Oh, 112 00:07:52,752 --> 00:07:54,982 Hug me, Miss Piggy, Hold me, 113 00:07:55,054 --> 00:07:58,581 I will not hug you, you twit turkey, 114 00:07:58,658 --> 00:07:59,716 Oh, 115 00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:02,887 Hold my hand, pig of my dreams, 116 00:08:02,962 --> 00:08:05,658 Will you beat it, twerp? - Oh, 117 00:08:05,732 --> 00:08:08,997 Just touch me, oh hog of my heart, 118 00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:13,198 Here's a touch for you, wimp buzzard, - I'm ready! 119 00:08:13,273 --> 00:08:15,264 Hii-yah! 120 00:08:18,878 --> 00:08:24,839 She touched me, She swung her porky pinkies and she touched me, 121 00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:26,818 Oh... 122 00:08:41,601 --> 00:08:44,001 Shh! - Shh! 123 00:08:53,546 --> 00:08:55,912 Hm! 124 00:10:19,632 --> 00:10:21,623 Shh! 125 00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:32,003 Uh, the Mummenschanz do some very strange-looking things, 126 00:10:32,078 --> 00:10:34,672 Things that look like this, 127 00:10:57,637 --> 00:11:00,538 Then there's something that goes like this, 128 00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,718 And how about this one? 129 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,105 How long we been going together, anyway? 130 00:11:43,182 --> 00:11:44,945 Oh, about ten years, 131 00:11:45,018 --> 00:11:47,009 Well, it's time we got married, 132 00:11:47,086 --> 00:11:49,418 Oh, gee, it's so sudden, 133 00:11:52,992 --> 00:11:55,392 There is such riff-raff here, 134 00:11:55,461 --> 00:11:59,295 Wouldn't you rather be associated with a better class of people? 135 00:11:59,365 --> 00:12:02,823 Yeah, But you were the only one not dancing, 136 00:12:07,006 --> 00:12:10,874 AnimaI, my watch won't run, 137 00:12:10,943 --> 00:12:13,434 Ah! Here, I run it for you, 138 00:12:13,513 --> 00:12:16,004 Ah! Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow! 139 00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,985 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 140 00:12:21,654 --> 00:12:24,646 Hey, you are one cute tomato, my little dumpling, 141 00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:27,284 my little cupcake, my little lamb chop, 142 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:32,423 Oh, that makes me feeI so... so... - Amorous? Let's kiss, 143 00:12:32,498 --> 00:12:34,989 No, hungry, Let's eat, 144 00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:40,529 Hey, you know these jokes they give us each week? 145 00:12:40,606 --> 00:12:43,837 You know, they make me so mad, I could blow my top, 146 00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:46,674 Me too, - Ladies first, 147 00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:51,880 Ah, I feeI better now, 148 00:13:01,661 --> 00:13:06,826 # Oh, my heart is beating wildly 149 00:13:06,899 --> 00:13:10,892 # And it's because you're here 150 00:13:11,904 --> 00:13:16,364 # When I'm not near the fish I love 151 00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:20,572 # I love the fish I'm near 152 00:13:20,646 --> 00:13:25,413 # Every fin that flutters by me 153 00:13:25,485 --> 00:13:29,751 # Is a flame that must be fanned 154 00:13:30,756 --> 00:13:35,318 # When I can't fondle the fin that I'm fond of 155 00:13:35,394 --> 00:13:39,023 # I fondle the fin at hand 156 00:13:40,032 --> 00:13:44,731 # I love every flipper of each little kipper 157 00:13:44,804 --> 00:13:49,571 # For each one is hipper, my dear 158 00:13:49,642 --> 00:13:54,272 # When I'm not near the fish I love 159 00:13:54,347 --> 00:13:58,408 # I love the fish I'm near 160 00:14:02,388 --> 00:14:04,379 Hello, there, 161 00:14:06,492 --> 00:14:08,983 Hey, Whoop-de-doop-de-do, 162 00:14:18,104 --> 00:14:20,436 # For herring I'm caring 163 00:14:20,506 --> 00:14:22,804 # For tuna I swoon-a 164 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:26,777 # I'm faithfuI to whoever's here 165 00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:32,347 # When I'm not near the fish I love 166 00:14:32,418 --> 00:14:36,616 # I love the fish I'm near 167 00:14:41,994 --> 00:14:44,292 Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah... 168 00:14:46,499 --> 00:14:48,660 Help me, - Oh, OK, 169 00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,795 Thank you, - It's all right, 170 00:14:53,906 --> 00:14:56,807 Well, this is the part of the show where I usually spend a few moments 171 00:14:56,876 --> 00:15:03,111 talking to the guest stars, but in this case the Mummenschanz don't talk, do you? 172 00:15:03,182 --> 00:15:05,173 Yeah? Oh, well, Um... 173 00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:07,981 In that case, uh, say something, 174 00:15:08,054 --> 00:15:10,989 I mean, say anything, It doesn't have to be important, 175 00:15:11,057 --> 00:15:14,390 I mean, you can say something silly, 176 00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:16,553 Ask for silly, you get silly, 177 00:15:19,832 --> 00:15:23,233 Uh, does anybody have anything important to say? 178 00:15:23,302 --> 00:15:25,600 Yeah? 179 00:15:39,819 --> 00:15:45,257 And, uh, with that thought we bid goodbye to the talk spot for another week, 180 00:15:46,692 --> 00:15:50,059 Bravo! Bravo! - What are you bravoing about? 181 00:15:50,129 --> 00:15:52,393 That performance, It was first-rate, 182 00:15:52,465 --> 00:15:56,424 Yes, it was good, But only one act I've ever seen deserved a bravo, 183 00:15:56,502 --> 00:15:59,869 Oh, really? Who was that? - Lady Beth Macintosh 184 00:15:59,939 --> 00:16:02,032 and her singing parakeets, 185 00:16:02,108 --> 00:16:04,372 I'll never forget her closing night at the Palace, 186 00:16:04,443 --> 00:16:07,879 What happened? - Well, she fell into a box of birdseed 187 00:16:07,947 --> 00:16:12,850 just before going on stage and she was pecked to death by the parakeets, 188 00:16:12,918 --> 00:16:14,476 That's a hard act to follow, 189 00:16:14,553 --> 00:16:18,546 Yeah, Well, I was there and I cried, - Really? What did you cry? 190 00:16:18,624 --> 00:16:20,615 Bravo! Bravo! 191 00:16:23,462 --> 00:16:25,726 Oh, here she comes, Get down, get down, 192 00:16:25,798 --> 00:16:28,528 Oh, hi, uh, Piggy, my dear, 193 00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:31,035 Did you call me "my dear," Kermie? 194 00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:35,836 Indeed I did, I was just wondering if you'd like to go to dinner after the show, 195 00:16:35,908 --> 00:16:36,897 What? - Yeah, 196 00:16:36,976 --> 00:16:40,036 You know, a quiet, candlelit meaI with soft music, 197 00:16:40,112 --> 00:16:42,342 perhaps some wine, 198 00:16:42,415 --> 00:16:46,374 And then go dancing, and walk by the river in the moonlight, 199 00:16:46,452 --> 00:16:49,319 Oh, I would love those things, my dear, 200 00:16:49,388 --> 00:16:54,951 Good, So would Gonzo here, and I hope the two of you have a great evening, 201 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:57,018 Ah, Kissy kissy? 202 00:16:59,565 --> 00:17:02,864 I'm gonna cut you in half for this, Frog, 203 00:17:05,104 --> 00:17:10,235 It is my distinct pleasure at this time to present Wayne and Wanda, 204 00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:15,008 of whom noted composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein wrote: 205 00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:19,518 "These two are a manifestation of the musicaI mediocrity 206 00:17:19,585 --> 00:17:23,146 that passes for talent in our troubled times," 207 00:17:23,222 --> 00:17:25,213 Hm, Nice review, 208 00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:38,602 # Say it's only a paper moon 209 00:17:38,671 --> 00:17:40,263 # Hanging over our... 210 00:17:53,586 --> 00:17:57,249 Hello. I am Vendaface. - Huh? 211 00:17:57,323 --> 00:18:02,590 Simply insert coin in slot, step up to machine, 212 00:18:02,661 --> 00:18:06,256 and I will rearrange your looks. 213 00:18:06,332 --> 00:18:08,323 All right, 214 00:18:10,536 --> 00:18:12,834 Phase one. 215 00:18:26,385 --> 00:18:28,376 This good? 216 00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:39,421 Oh, Kermit? 217 00:18:39,498 --> 00:18:45,027 That was a low and dirty trick, setting up a date with me and Gonzo, 218 00:18:45,104 --> 00:18:47,231 Wasn't it? 219 00:18:47,306 --> 00:18:50,673 Well... Well, Piggy, I suppose it was, yeah, I'm sorry, 220 00:18:50,743 --> 00:18:52,472 Oh, really? Oh! 221 00:18:52,545 --> 00:18:57,244 How sweet of you to apologize so abjectly to your lover pig, 222 00:18:57,316 --> 00:18:59,477 Well, that wasn't exactly an abject apology... 223 00:18:59,552 --> 00:19:02,544 Get away from me, you giant beak! 224 00:19:03,689 --> 00:19:06,852 Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness... 225 00:19:06,926 --> 00:19:09,053 Don't touch me, creep! 226 00:19:10,095 --> 00:19:13,428 Why don't we just kissy-poo and make up, my darling? 227 00:19:13,499 --> 00:19:15,626 You're breathing on me! 228 00:19:16,635 --> 00:19:18,728 Kissy kissy? - Uh... 229 00:19:18,804 --> 00:19:21,739 Well, Piggy, while I appreciate this offer of affection, 230 00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:24,503 I hope you'll understand when I tell you, as usuaI, 231 00:19:24,577 --> 00:19:26,602 that I do not want you, 232 00:19:26,679 --> 00:19:29,079 Oh, then, can I have her? 233 00:19:29,148 --> 00:19:31,139 Hiii-yah! 234 00:19:32,351 --> 00:19:36,549 That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop, 235 00:19:42,495 --> 00:19:45,157 Here's a Muppet news flash, 236 00:19:45,231 --> 00:19:46,858 Dateline, Moscow, 237 00:19:46,932 --> 00:19:51,767 Sergei Lenofsky, whom the Russians claim is the world's oldest living human, 238 00:19:51,837 --> 00:19:57,207 celebrated his 1 96th birthday yesterday by taking a deep breath, 239 00:19:57,276 --> 00:20:03,511 Sergei has 96 children, 1 50 grandchildren and 228 great-grandchildren, 240 00:20:03,582 --> 00:20:05,914 none of whom visit him, 241 00:20:05,985 --> 00:20:08,510 Said his youngest son, Leonid: 242 00:20:08,587 --> 00:20:10,578 "He smells funny," 243 00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:17,358 Ladies and gentlemen, the Mummenschanz, 244 00:23:57,015 --> 00:24:00,007 Well, that's about all the time we have... - Oh, Kermit, my love, 245 00:24:00,085 --> 00:24:03,248 I am so sorry about my little temper tantrum, 246 00:24:03,322 --> 00:24:06,917 Old buzzard-beak was driving me crazy, 247 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,994 You drive me crazy, Miss Piggy, 248 00:24:11,997 --> 00:24:14,465 You know something, Nasty Nose? 249 00:24:14,533 --> 00:24:18,731 I'm going to send you on a one-way trip to the geek farm, 250 00:24:18,804 --> 00:24:20,795 Send me! 251 00:24:23,909 --> 00:24:26,070 Pig power, 252 00:24:28,747 --> 00:24:31,875 Well, the course of true love never runs smooth, 253 00:24:31,950 --> 00:24:34,976 But right now, let's have a warm thank-you to our speciaI guest stars, 254 00:24:35,053 --> 00:24:37,715 Andres Bossard, Floriana Frassetto and Bernie Schurch, 255 00:24:37,790 --> 00:24:40,691 better known as the Mummenschanz, 256 00:24:41,827 --> 00:24:44,660 Thank you, Kermit, It's been great, 257 00:24:44,730 --> 00:24:46,789 Say, you guys really do work as a team, 258 00:24:46,865 --> 00:24:50,665 We'll see you all next time on The Muppet Show. 259 00:25:25,704 --> 00:25:28,366 That was a funny show, - Yes, it was, 260 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,908 I wonder if they meant it that way?