(Coughs)
There he is.
Stay here.
(They laugh)
(Cock crows)
Got him! Got him, Mother.
Look. Kosti helped.
Isn't he splendid?
Thanks for looking after the dogs.
Now, where can I put him?
There is very little we cannot achieve, Gerald, If we persevere.
That's the ticket, eh?
Persevere.
Boire.
Je bois, tu bois,
elle boit, nous buvons,
vous buvez, il boit.
Oui. Très bon. Aller.
Je vais, tu vas,
il va.
We're having a party. Would you like to come?
We're calling it a Christmas party because it's September. Will you come?
En Français, Gerald, en Français, monsieur.
Oui. Well…
RSVP?
(Laughs)
Yes, you're learning.
(Honks horn)
- Mrs Durrell. - Good afternoon, Mr Kralefsky.
- Might I have a word? - Er, yes. Yes, yes, of course.
- I have taught him all I can. - Good.
- Please don't interrupt, Spiro. - He's a clever boy.
Yes, yes, he is, but now he must go to somewhere like England or Switzerland
- to finish his education completely. - Just a minute.
- Be quiet, Gerry. - He is only half-educated.
- I… - Yes.
Theodore thinks exactly the same as you.
I like being half-educated. Just think how awful it would be if you knew everything.
No, no, no, no.
You must know everythings like I know everythings,
because I live in America where everythings is.
It really is for his own good.
No, it has to be thought about.
Thank you, Mr Kralefsky.
(Honks horn)
Talk to me, my little songbird.
Talk to me.
(Whispers) Talk to me.
(Mrs Durrell) Oh, that's good, isn't it?
Most realistic.
Don't let Leslie see the snakes, though, will you?
What it really needs is goldfish.
Hm.
Yes, that would be nice.
Larry, what are you doing to help with this party?
My contribution will be to attend.
(Sighs)
Mother.
I suppose the only place you can get something like goldfish
will be somewhere like Athens.
Yes.
Yes, I suppose so.
(Magpie) Spiro!
Hm. What you gots there, Master Gerrys?
- What it needs, Spiro, is goldfish. - Goldfish? What's thems?
Fish, like carp, but with a gold colour.
There's no goldfish in Corfu.
What for you want goldfish?
- For the party, Spiro. - Nah, na, na.
I brings turkeys, my missus cooks turkeys.
You don't needs golden fish.
(Laughs)
Not to eat, Spiro, to put in the trough for people to see.
OK, OK.
Spiro get you golden fish.
(Magpie) Spiro!
Listen, you stop them magpies and I get you golden fish, OK?
OK.
So what are you going to do about it, then?
We'll have to go back to England,
talk to the trustees about it all.
Yes, I suppose so.
- I haven't any money. - Oh, I'm sure I've got plenty. Somewhere.
Shares, things like that.
I've always found in the past that when I've talked to the trustees face to face,
they've always turned out to be very sympathetic.
I'm sure they'd agree that… Gerry has to go to a real school.
Poor little devil.
(Goat bells ringing)
(Greet each other in Greek)
(Gerry) Where are we going?
(Spiro) Shhh.
Shhh. OK, Master Gerrys,
you stays here.
I won't be longs.
Aristidis.
Aristidis, where are you, you bastards?
(Knocks)
Aristidis!
Spiro.
(Exchange in Greek)
You bastard!
(Mutters)
There you ares, Master Gerrys.
Don't say a word to nobodys.
Nobodys.
Sh, sh, sh.
Thank you, Spiro, they're huge.
Yeah. Biggest goddamn golden goldfish on the islands.
But who did the house belong to?
Never you mind, Master Gerrys.
You just keep these golden goldfish hidden
and don't tell anyone where you gottens them.
(Whispers) They belongs to the kings of Greece.
(Dogs barking outside)
Oh, Dodo.
You would choose this day to become interesting to men.
(All barking)
Yah!
Bloody mutts.
Mother's such a scatterbrain about money.
Don't worry, Father left lots of the stuff.
You're as bad as she is.
What happens if the well runs dry. What then?
We can get some more, can't we?
You can sell something, one of those books you're writing.
I'm trying.
I like it here.
So do I.
- We have to go back to England? - Yeah, just to sort a few things out.
But don't tell Gerry yet, will you?
No, all right.
The poor little devil, he loves the place.
Missed it.
Mother.
I really ought to have two ponds.
Er, yes, dear, how nice.
Oh, and Gerry, try to keep those stray dogs out of the garden.
(Exchange in Greek)
(Squawks)
Oh, no!
- Can I put them in the bath? - What, dear?
They've been left out in the sun too long.
Can't you do it later? You ought to change. We've got a lot of people coming.
But they'll die. They're too hot.
Can I put them in the bath for an hour or so? It might save them.
Yes, all right, but not if anybody's in it. And don't forget to disinfect it afterwards.
I don't suppose anybody will want a bath.
(Squawking)
Our guests will be here at any moment, so make sure everyone has plenty to drink.
(Speaks Greek)
Good. Now, Spiro, the food.
Mrs Durrells!
Those goddamn magenpies!
Oh, no.
Those birds!
Gerald, I am…
I am seriously annoyed.
They must have got drunk.
I beg your pardon?
They must have got drunk on the beer and wine.
I thought I could tell you that there was a sudden gale,
but of course there wasn't a sudden gale.
It was them.
I'm sorry.
Well, I suppose…
if they were drunk…
Oh, Margo.
- (Sighs) - Well, what are we going to do?
Come on, everybody. (Sighs)
Gerald, the mayonnaise.
Come on.
Oh, trust the pair of you not to be around when you're needed.
It's an art, Margo.
They'll all be here in a moment, go and get changed.
Good morning. Welcome.
- Welcome to the Durrells' residence. - Well, thank you.
This way.
- Ah, Spiro. - ln there.
Just like a man.
Hello.
Good morning, good morning. This way.
(Chatter)
(Dogs barking)
This is OK, it's locked. They can't get in, the goddamn dogs.
They won't get in, Mrs Durrels.
- Have you seen Dodo? - She's locked up.
- Where? - She's OK. She's in there.
(Barking)
(Barking continues)
(Whispers) Shut up.
Shut up! Shut up!
(Bellows) Shut up!
(Dogs quieten down)
(Laughs) It‘s OK.
It's OK. Be happy.
I'll catches them bastards.
Alecko!
(Leslie) Agh! Snakes!
Snakes!
Gerry!
Oh, now what?
Gerry!
Leslie, dear, whatever is the matter?
That bloody boy has filled the flaming bath with bleeding snakes!
You!
Leslie, dear, language.
- Great things like hissing hosepipes! - I told him he could put them there.
Oh, really, Mother, that's going too far. It might have been me.
Larry, don't you start. It was Leslie who was bathing with the snakes.
Only Francis of Assisi would feel at home here.
I think you're making a lot of fuss about nothing.
Quite. Remove the snakes if they offend you so.
Gerald, remove your snakes.
Now, I'm sorry, but you'll have to.
Put them in the wash hand basin.
No. No, no, no. They've got to be completely outside.
I…I just can't bear them.
Come on!
Oh, dear.
Oh, Spiro. Did you remember the turkeys?
Who?
(Larry) Excellent. Has everyone got a seat?
Good. You mean to say Margo's actually laid it properly?
This place is a deathtrap.
Each nook is filled with malignant faunae waiting to pounce.
How any of us have escaped being maimed for life is beyond me.
A simple action like opening a box of matches is fraught with danger,
for what may lurk inside?
Now we have snakes in the bath
and huge albatrosses in flocks flapping and spreading their evil luck.
Have you noticed the wind has changed? Typhoons, they bring typhoons.
Larry, dear, you do exaggerate.
I speak nothing but the truth. If anything, I understate.
What about that night Quasimodo decided to sleep with me?
- Well, that wasn't very dreadful. - Oh, really, Margo?
It may give you pleasure to be woken at 3:30 in the morning
by a pigeon intent on pushing his rectum into your eye.
(Screaming)
Scorpions. I've been bitten on the leg.
It's a…a…
- Gerry, you've got bears under there. - No, I haven't.
No, it appears to be some sort of bird.
Er…large.
Brown and er…
white?
- Blasted albatross. - Magenpie.
No, it's not a magen…er, magpie, it's some sort of gull, I think.
Yes, it is. It‘s Alecko. I thought he'd gone for a swim.
Be still, everyone, unless you want your leg severed at the knee.
Oh!
(Shrieks)
Do you require any assistance, dear boy?
Well, you could…
No, I think I'll be all right.
He's in a bad mood.
I think this is going to take some time.
(Larry) Oh, do hurry up. The soup's getting cold.
Can't you poke it with something? What do they eat?
I specialise in songbirds.
All the nice gulls love a sailor.
(Laughs)
Oh, really, Theodore, you're like an 1880 edition of Punch.
(Gull shrieks)
(Applause)
(Screams)
Well done.
I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can get you?
(Laughter)
Mrs Durrells.
Yes, Spiro?
I brings them turkeys.
Who?
(They laugh)
- You wants that I should carve them? - Yes, thank you, Spiro.
(♪ Waltzing Matilda)
♪ Once a jolly swagman camped by a Billabong
♪ Under the shade of the Coolabah tree ♪
(Chatter)
(Whistles)
(Barking)
(Screams)
Wolves, wolves, waiting for a hard winter.
- Now, keep calm, everybody, keep calm. - (Mrs Durrell) That's Dodo.
By Jove, save the ladies!
(Barking drowns speech)
(Laughs)
Pepper is also good for a dogfight, although I've never tried it. Water, also.
(Barking continues)
I fix these damn pests.
(Screams)
Serpents.
My snakes!
(Screaming continues)
Oh, dear.
I wonder if everybody's had enough… had enough to eat.
- Goodbye, Mr Kralefsky. - Bye, Mrs Durrell. Have a good journey.
I will not say goodbye. I'd rather say au revoir.
By Jove, yes. Au revoir, monsieur, what?
- That's the ticket. - Bye, Mr Kralefsky.
- Goodbye, Mr Kralefsky. - Bye, Theo.
- Goodbye. - Bye, Theo.
Goodbye, Spiro.
Goodbye, Master Gerrys.
(Sobs)
Honest to Gods, I didn't means to crys.
It's just like saying goodbyes to my own family.
I'm sorry, Mrs Durrells.
Just look what that man in the customs has written. "Description of passengers…"
(Reads aloud)
Really, some people are peculiar.
That's what you get for leaving Corfu.