1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,920
[upbeat music]

2
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,839
[Man On Speaker] Claudia
and Tess to studio please.

3
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:13,559
We're on air in five.

4
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:14,560
Oh, no, can't see.

5
00:00:14,561 --> 00:00:17,679
Oh, no, oh, dear.

6
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,399
[thud]

7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,800
Oh, no, oh, dear.

8
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,399
Have you seen the studio technician?

9
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,759
I am the technician.

10
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,439
Oh, yeah, come with me quickly.

11
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,639
[thud]

12
00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:31,399
It's Tess.

13
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,199
Keep dancing, keep, keep, keep dancing.

14
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:39,079
Zero, zero, zero, one zero.

15
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,199
[robotics winding down]

16
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,359
Oh, what happened this time?

17
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,679
During the dress rehearsal, a dancer asked

18
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,559
her a question that wasn't on the auto cue

19
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,639
and she just went ridiculously haywire.

20
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,640
[Technician] Hmm, he must
have blown her algorithm.

21
00:00:50,664 --> 00:00:52,159
She can't do unplanned chat.

22
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,279
Deploy normal human insurrection.

23
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,879
Hello, how was your face like?

24
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:56,720
Isn't the weather there?

25
00:00:56,721 --> 00:00:59,119
Keep dancing, keep dancing.

26
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,719
The Test Bot 2000 was
never built to sustain

27
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,079
relaxed and natural conversation.

28
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,119
We're live on air in a couple of minutes.

29
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,679
Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.

30
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:09,680
Do something.

31
00:01:09,681 --> 00:01:11,240
[Tess] Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.

32
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,040
There.

33
00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:15,279
Hello and welcome to
Strictly Come Dancing.

34
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,399
She's back!

35
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,119
Come Tess, we're on.

36
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,999
Oh, no, her legs aren't working.

37
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,759
Well, you'll just have to carry her.

38
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,359
Well, no change there then.

39
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,200
[slow jazz music]

40
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,560
[Announcer] What classic sitcom would

41
00:01:29,584 --> 00:01:31,159
you like to see revived.

42
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,359
They should bring back Only Phil's Nosis.

43
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,839
It's the story of a halfwit white boy

44
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,359
who sells dodgy gear and yet somehow ends

45
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,839
up being a millionaire.

46
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,320
Where do they get their ideas?

47
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,560
[upbeat music]

48
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,159
Okay, take it away then Ricky.

49
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:50,399
Oh, David actually.

50
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,199
Yeah, I'm in character, okay.

51
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,919
♪ Oh, I'm doing it again ♪

52
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,519
♪ Playing David Brinn ♪

53
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,239
♪ Or is it just me ♪

54
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,919
♪ Or Ricky, Ricky ♪

55
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,679
♪ Oops, you think it's an act ♪

56
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,719
♪ But as a matter of fact ♪

57
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,359
♪ I'm not that different ♪

58
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,159
Uh, David slash Ricky,
I've heard quite enough.

59
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,399
Yet don't give up the office job.

60
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,439
I can't, that's the problem.

61
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,479
You're just doing the same
old act year after year.

62
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,519
Oh, pot, kettle, kettle, pot.

63
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,079
Bit awkward.

64
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:29,920
Next.

65
00:02:29,921 --> 00:02:32,439
Hi, I'm Tom Daily, double
Olympic bronze medal winner

66
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,519
in the synchronized
tiny trunks competition.

67
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,639
And now you too can make
a splash with the new

68
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,679
Tom Daily collection.

69
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,519
Whatever the occasion, we've
got the trunks for you,

70
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,240
whether you want to
look smart at the office

71
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,679
or are looking for
fashionable evening wear,

72
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,479
all outfits in the Tom Daily collection

73
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,999
are available in three sizes,

74
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,039
tiny, minuscule and oh, good grief.

75
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,479
And if you're the outdoors type,

76
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,239
why not try on new Tom
Daily mountaineering range.

77
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,439
It's sure to keep you nice and toasty

78
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,079
and makes you easy to spot in a blizzard.

79
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,239
Also available in Olympic
diving pool green.

80
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,839
Six pack not included.

81
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,639
Oh, Taylor, I love you
like I love the overlap

82
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,439
in our carefully target
consumer based demographics.

83
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,759
Tom, I love you more than the three

84
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,799
resulting albums about
our inevitable breakup

85
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,079
can possibly say.

86
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,079
Oh, time for our scheduled kiss.

87
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,879
Tom, wait, are there paparazzi
hiding behind this tree?

88
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,680
No.

89
00:03:25,681 --> 00:03:27,640
Must be the wrong tree.

90
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,400
Perhaps they're just running late.

91
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,160
[groaning]

92
00:03:32,161 --> 00:03:34,719
Oh, Tom, I hope no photographers intrude

93
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,039
upon this precious moment.

94
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,079
I said I hope no photographers intrude

95
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,839
upon this precious moment.

96
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:42,959
Oh, there's one.

97
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,999
Yoo hoo over here.

98
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,479
We're having some intimate
time to ourselves.

99
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,039
We demand that you respect our privacy.

100
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,520
Where is he going?

101
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,519
Come back here.

102
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,199
We're ever so in love.

103
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,720
You know it'd be quicker if you pulled

104
00:03:56,744 --> 00:03:57,599
your damn pants up.

105
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:58,919
Taylor, there are some things

106
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,439
even I'm not prepared to do for fame.

107
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,440
I say paparazzi.

108
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:05,280
[knocking]

109
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,120
Enter.

110
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,359
Now, listen here Theresa.

111
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,119
It's Mrs. May to you.

112
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,599
Traditionally our weekly
meeting takes place

113
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,239
at the home of the most
powerful woman in Britain.

114
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,439
That's why it's here.

115
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,159
We should meet at the palace.

116
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,479
Icy stare.

117
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,119
[evil laughing]

118
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,599
That showed her.

119
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,599
[Announcer] Introducing Despicable May,

120
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,639
the most evil mastermind on the planet.

121
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,519
Welcome, my army of minions.

122
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,480
[speaking gibberish]

123
00:04:31,481 --> 00:04:33,119
Stop fighting boys.

124
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,359
We need to deliver Brexit.

125
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,999
Yes Havland?

126
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,719
What is you plan oh, evil one?

127
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,919
To just crack on with it without letting

128
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,679
Parliament have a say.

129
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,279
And I want you useless
minions to do all the work

130
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,759
upon Brexit and then take the blame

131
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,039
when it goes horribly wrong.

132
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:51,880
Despicable.

133
00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:53,439
Compliments will get you everywhere.

134
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,479
[Announcer] And introducing
her new arch enemy,

135
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:57,839
Angola Merkel.

136
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,239
Ha, ha, you think you can leave the EU

137
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,599
and still keep all the nice things.

138
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,879
Wrong, with my incredible
shrinking device,

139
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,999
I will shrink your puny economy.

140
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,639
[Announcer] Despicable May.

141
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,519
May and her minions versus
Merkel and her billions.

142
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,079
Who will triumph.

143
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,160
Spoiler alert, I will.

144
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,919
Come on Kim, Kanye's
waiting to do to the beach.

145
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,159
[Kim] I'm just getting my outfit on honey.

146
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,479
I hope it's some crazy shock and shit.

147
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,360
[Kim] Oh, it is.

148
00:05:26,361 --> 00:05:28,719
It's the most outrageous
thing a woman can wear

149
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:29,520
to the beach.

150
00:05:29,521 --> 00:05:31,119
Ta da.

151
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,000
[speaking gibberish]

152
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:32,880
Damn Kim.

153
00:05:32,881 --> 00:05:34,519
You is completely covered up.

154
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,799
I know, it's a bikini.

155
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,279
We're off to the beach in France.

156
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,879
Think of all the publicity
when the French police

157
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,839
make me take it off at gunpoint.

158
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,719
Kim, you are a genius.

159
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,959
Ah, where is France?

160
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,679
I think it's somewhere in Florida.

161
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:51,680
Oh, yeah.

162
00:05:51,681 --> 00:05:54,280
[upbeat music]

163
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,839
Well, hello Owen Thingy.

164
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,359
How's the leadership campaign going.

165
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,119
Have you not seen the latest polls Ed?

166
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,719
It looks like the labor party are going

167
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,999
to pick an unelectable weirdo as leader.

168
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,799
Well, that's never happened before.

169
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,599
Still, don't worry.

170
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,880
I'm here to help.

171
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,479
Vote Owen Thingy, vote Owen Thingy.

172
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,679
Other way round.

173
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:20,680
Sorry, of course.

174
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,399
Thingy Owen vote.

175
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,279
Thingy Owen vote.

176
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,719
I give up.

177
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,280
At least I tried.

178
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,719
You know, life is like
a box of chocolates.

179
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,679
There's too many black and brown ones

180
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,319
and not enough white ones.

181
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:43,280
Hello, my name if Forrest, Forrest Trump.

182
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,039
Are you stupid or something?

183
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,439
[Announcer] Forrest
Trump, the story of a man

184
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,239
everyone thought was a racist simpleton

185
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,839
who showed the world they
were absolutely right.

186
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,000
Now you see your boy's kind of different.

187
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,559
What do you want me to
do with my life Mama?

188
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:07,519
I want you to run Forrest
Trump, run for president.

189
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,360
[cat meowing]

190
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,961
[Announcer] He went from coast to coast,

191
00:07:09,985 --> 00:07:12,719
building a wall along the Mexican border

192
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,239
and forging special relationships.

193
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,279
Me and Nigel are like peas and carrots.

194
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,719
After they've been thrown up.

195
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:20,839
I love you Nigel.

196
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,199
Not in a pufta way I hope.

197
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,439
Not homophobic, just scared of gay people.

198
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,280
[cat meowing]

199
00:07:25,281 --> 00:07:26,961
[Announcer] Trump showed the world you can

200
00:07:26,985 --> 00:07:29,919
achieve just about anything provided you

201
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,159
believe in yourself enough
and inherit a billion dollars

202
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,239
from your dad.

203
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,959
My mama says stupid is as stupid votes.

204
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,199
[Announcer] Forrest Trump,
dumb just got dumber.

205
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,079
It's gonna be great folks.

206
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,640
[gentle music]

207
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,239
Ooh, that looks really nasty Phil.

208
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,080
What, me head?

209
00:07:51,081 --> 00:07:52,881
Yeah, Danny Dire, I've
been left there so long

210
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:53,999
I've started to sprout.

211
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,600
Well, you should see a doctor about that

212
00:07:55,624 --> 00:07:57,039
or better still a gardener.

213
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:57,880
I already did.

214
00:07:57,881 --> 00:07:59,919
It turns I've also put down roots.

215
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,959
[groaning]

216
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:02,800
See, the only way I'm getting out of it

217
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:03,640
is in a box.

218
00:08:03,641 --> 00:08:04,919
A sack more like it.

219
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,839
If it comes to it Danny
Dire, can I count on you

220
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,399
to give me the burial I deserve?

221
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,479
Yeah, in the allotment with
a nice bit of fertilizer.

222
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,320
Yeah, yeah.

223
00:08:13,321 --> 00:08:14,881
You sure you don't want to be cremated?

224
00:08:14,905 --> 00:08:18,199
Or better still deep fat
fried in Imbeal's chippy?

225
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,400
That would save on the caving.

226
00:08:19,424 --> 00:08:20,559
Crusty.

227
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,360
[Announcer] What classic
sitcom would you like

228
00:08:22,384 --> 00:08:23,200
to see revived.

229
00:08:23,201 --> 00:08:26,519
I am a big fan of Last of the Summer Wine.

230
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,079
Lots of people hated it, but
it had a very loyal fan base,

231
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,399
so they couldn't get rid of it.

232
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,679
[gentle music]

233
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,319
Ooh, champagne, oysters, romantic music.

234
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,519
I know where this is going.

235
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,799
Oh, yes, that'll be all Bates.

236
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,919
Very good, sir.

237
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,159
Just lie back and think of ruling England.

238
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,239
[giggling]

239
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,199
Bleeding Elshire, they're
trying for another one.

240
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,679
Goo goo ga ga.

241
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:54,520
Exactly Drago.

242
00:08:54,521 --> 00:08:56,799
It's bad enough I've got to
split me inheritance with you

243
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,119
without another sprog taking a slice.

244
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,639
Ooh, gotta think fast.

245
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,319
Come on now, the ultimate passion killer,

246
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,559
a crying baby.

247
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:06,560
[smacking]

248
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:07,560
[crying]

249
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:08,400
Sorry, sis, but you'll thank me when

250
00:09:08,401 --> 00:09:09,879
you get sand ringum.

251
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,119
Oh, wells.

252
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,999
Would you Adam and Eve
it, they're still at it.

253
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:13,840
They're like dogs in the street.

254
00:09:13,841 --> 00:09:15,519
What sort of parents are you?

255
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,759
All right, pipe down.

256
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:18,760
Time for plan B.

257
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,639
♪ Oh, the grand old duke of York ♪

258
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,239
♪ He met some dodgy Arabs ♪

259
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,039
♪ He sold them a bunch of fighter jets ♪

260
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,319
♪ I'll do me eleven ♪

261
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,640
Yes, yes, yes.

262
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,519
Oh, no, what are we gonna do, sis?

263
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:33,799
Sis?

264
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,240
Oh, what you playing at your Muppet.

265
00:09:35,264 --> 00:09:37,024
This is no time for watching telly.

266
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,879
Oh, wow, Helicopter Rescue's on.

267
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,919
Nice work child, you're the best.

268
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,119
Now, let's go stick a
banger up a Corgi's ass.

269
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,640
Aye, aye Savalois.

270
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,080
[funky music]

271
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,559
♪ I like singing in my car ♪

272
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:01,479
♪ I like to do it with a star ♪

273
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,559
♪ I'll give anyone a lift ♪

274
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,279
♪ Michelle Obama, Taylor Swift ♪

275
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,319
♪ But this is carpool karaoke ♪

276
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,879
♪ It's not about them, it's all about me ♪

277
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:16,880
♪ Never mind I'll sing right over you ♪

278
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:21,920
♪ And there's nothing that you can do ♪

279
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,599
♪ Keep your trap shut Adele ♪

280
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,079
♪ I'm not at my maximum decibel ♪

281
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,959
♪ You said I was your mate ♪

282
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,999
♪ No, you are my click bait ♪

283
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,200
[yelling]

284
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,919
♪ With every celeb I break the web ♪

285
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,839
♪ It's so shameless on the
coat tails of their fame ♪

286
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,919
♪ Don't you know they want Barlow ♪

287
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,799
♪ This is how I make my name ♪

288
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:53,800
♪ Because I've let America go to my head ♪

289
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,359
♪ Because I'm selfish in my car ♪

290
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,919
♪ Look at me instead ♪

291
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,119
♪ Because I'm not gonna stop till ♪

292
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,919
♪ My face turns red ♪

293
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,479
♪ I sing solo, oh, oh ♪

294
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,279
♪ Harry Stiles can do that ♪

295
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:11,280
♪ Actually I'll do those, too ♪

296
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,400
♪ All the James Cordans,
all the James Cordans ♪

297
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,839
♪ All the Cordans ♪

298
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:17,959
♪ No, shut your mouth up ♪

299
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,400
♪ Damn cheek ♪

300
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,839
Hello there, Mr. Evans.

301
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,719
Yeah, it's me, how cool is that.

302
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,239
I'm from the insurance.

303
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,319
I'm here about your car crash.

304
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,920
I think you've got the wrong house mate.

305
00:11:30,944 --> 00:11:32,799
I haven't been in a car crash.

306
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:33,879
Top gear.

307
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,279
Okay, I get it.

308
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,879
The show's a total write off.

309
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,879
We're looking for witnesses,
but nobody saw it.

310
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,760
Very funny.

311
00:11:41,761 --> 00:11:44,999
There were skidmarks, but
only when you saw the reviews.

312
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,360
Listen mate, there's nothing worse

313
00:11:46,384 --> 00:11:48,319
than someone thinking
they've been hilarious

314
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,159
when they're not.

315
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,280
Oh, awkward.

316
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,919
[Announcer] This is Judge Rinder.

317
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,439
He spent years studying
the law and discovered

318
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,639
there's no law against
dressing up as a judge on TV

319
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,559
and this is the his pretend court.

320
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:06,079
Order, order, order in
my tiny pretend court.

321
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,079
Right, who's bringing the case today?

322
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:08,880
It's me.

323
00:12:08,881 --> 00:12:10,439
I'm here about a theft.

324
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,239
A theft, you know by a thief.

325
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,479
He's thieved from me.

326
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:18,439
Oh, theft, robbery, fine, whatever.

327
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,079
Send in the defendant.

328
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,199
Per way.

329
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,319
And you are?

330
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,479
It's me, Ryland off of old of the telly.

331
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,799
So, Mr. Carr, what is it that you believe

332
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,599
Mr. Ryland has stolen?

333
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,760
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

334
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:31,799
My whole act.

335
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,919
I mean look at him, the huge teeth,

336
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,759
the over the top hang gestures.

337
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,399
And what are you banging on about?

338
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,920
The ludicrous pronunciation of vowels.

339
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:43,640
Meow.

340
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,759
He's even nicked me whole chat show theme.

341
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,279
[speaking gibberish]

342
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,599
There's nothing wrong with
copying another TV show.

343
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,879
But Judge Judy.

344
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,119
Judge Rinder.

345
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,079
It's enough to turn a man to drink.

346
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,319
Cheers.

347
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,759
He's nicked me drinking gimmick and all.

348
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,279
Thief, thief.

349
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,839
Order, order.

350
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,599
Mr. Ryland, I'm afraid to have to tell you

351
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,119
that there is only room
for one eye rolling

352
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,519
hand flapping uber camp presenter on TV.

353
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,400
Oh.

354
00:13:09,401 --> 00:13:10,719
Yes, and it's me.

355
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,119
No, it's me.

356
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,079
I'm so the best at being camp.

357
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,919
Bitchy stares all round.

358
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:17,920
Ooh.

359
00:13:17,921 --> 00:13:19,799
Actually he is pretty good.

360
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,199
[Announcer] It's the board
game every junior doctor

361
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,639
is itching to play.

362
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,639
I've got to remove
Jeremy Hunt's testicles.

363
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,239
[Kids] Horray.

364
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,759
[Announcer] NHS Operation.

365
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,799
It'll tickle your funny bone.

366
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,359
I've got to remove his heart.

367
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,359
Good luck, he hasn't got one.

368
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,680
[Announcer] It's the perfect game

369
00:13:37,704 --> 00:13:39,519
for junior doctors to
play on their day off,

370
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,399
which is sometime next April.

371
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,999
I've got to remove his brain,

372
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,559
but he hasn't got one of those either.

373
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,879
Yes, he does, it's in his ass.

374
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,679
And when you hear this noise,

375
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,560
[buzzing]

376
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,519
the junior doctors have all fallen asleep

377
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,120
after a 36 hour shift.

378
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,279
NHS Operation.

379
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,920
Operation may be canceled
due to five day strike.

380
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,799
I hear you're going to retire Wayne.

381
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,959
Yes, Uncle Roy, but only after the end

382
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,079
of the next well coup.

383
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,359
You mean after the end
of the group stages?

384
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,599
Yeah, obviously.

385
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,199
Retirement is great.

386
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,759
I've never felt happier.

387
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,719
Eh, but you left in disgrace after

388
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,039
a humiliating defeat against Iceland.

389
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,079
Don't mention Iceland ever again.

390
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,519
I want to forget all about football

391
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,479
and concentrate on something I'm really

392
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,359
good at, my allotment.

393
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,839
Uncle Roy.

394
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,680
Great, isn't it Wayne?

395
00:14:26,681 --> 00:14:29,079
Weeks and weeks of meticulous preparation

396
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,999
is really paying off.

397
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,039
Think I'll just move
these sunflowers over here

398
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:33,880
into the shade.

399
00:14:33,881 --> 00:14:36,639
But Uncle Roy, those
sunflowers do best in the sun.

400
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,199
Well, traditionally Wayne,
but I have a feeling

401
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,039
they'll thrive in their new well.

402
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,079
Uh-oh.

403
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,840
Not to worry, I've still
got my prize vegetables.

404
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,199
Did you use any manure.

405
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,040
I certainly did.

406
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:51,919
Up front, in the middle and at the back.

407
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,519
I was hoping to have
those veggies for my tea.

408
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,839
Don't worry Uncle Roy,
you can get some nice

409
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,559
frozen ones from Iceland.

410
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,400
Wayne.

411
00:15:00,401 --> 00:15:02,359
Ooh, sorry.

412
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,879
[slow jazzy music]

413
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,520
[Announcer] What classic sitcom would you

414
00:15:06,544 --> 00:15:07,559
like to see revived?

415
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,759
They should bring back Friends,

416
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,839
only with me in it, the one where I stab

417
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,319
them all in the back.

418
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,359
How you doing?

419
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,440
Could I be any more washed up?

420
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:23,519
Hello, how much is this dead man's suit?

421
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,999
It's 10 pounds Mr. Barlow.

422
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,199
Oop, I don't carry that
kind of money on me.

423
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,799
Do you accept Apple Pay?

424
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,359
We certainly do, just put your smart phone

425
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,079
against the reader.

426
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,599
No, I mean Apple Pay, like Apple Pay,

427
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:42,759
their tax in Ireland, so I
only cut fourth one percent.

428
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,079
Well, I-

429
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,079
Here's your 10P.

430
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,319
Now can I keep the hanger.

431
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,880
[upbeat music]

432
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,399
So where exactly were you last night?

433
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,039
I was out in the pub?

434
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,239
Who with?

435
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,080
With Mike.

436
00:15:59,081 --> 00:16:02,079
That is a beard faced lie.

437
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,199
It was I'm afraid out with
Mike incorrect answer.

438
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,839
Your wife knows for a fact
Mike was at home last night.

439
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,079
Well, damn.

440
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,519
We asked a hundred philanders what

441
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,879
you should have said in this situation.

442
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,999
You could have had trains were delayed,

443
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:22,799
had to work late or
called in on my sick mum.

444
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:23,680
I knew that one.

445
00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:25,321
Pointless answers you also could have had

446
00:16:25,345 --> 00:16:28,439
are abducted by aliens
or I stopped to give

447
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,519
the Heimlich maneuver to a choking kitten.

448
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,400
Well, what have you got
to say for yourself, eh?

449
00:16:33,424 --> 00:16:35,559
Oh, come on, how come you
had this seven foot man

450
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,599
hiding under the bed?

451
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,519
Uh, I couldn't reach the
light bulb to change it.

452
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,759
Nonsense.

453
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,879
Best answer was he's an
overdressed Polish workman

454
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,439
fixing the bed springs.

455
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,479
[speaking foreign language]

456
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,320
You lanky bastard.

457
00:16:51,321 --> 00:16:53,799
It's a good insult, some
of the more original ones

458
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:58,079
you could have had the
googling giant, specky lurch

459
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:02,199
was there or Richard Ottman,
all which were pointless,

460
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,840
so big well done if you
got any of those at home.

461
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,559
[upbeat music]

462
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:10,560
[Announcer] It's the new gaming sensation

463
00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:11,839
sweeping the nation.

464
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,519
Find, catch and train.

465
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,919
Funny little creatures
with squiggy voices.

466
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,519
It's Pokemon Mo.

467
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,360
[Announcer] There's one.

468
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,240
I pop up everywhere.

469
00:17:20,241 --> 00:17:21,841
[Announcer] Mo Farahs to collect include

470
00:17:21,865 --> 00:17:23,159
the Molymphic champ.

471
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,080
You'll never catch me.

472
00:17:24,081 --> 00:17:25,759
Even if I trip over.

473
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,719
[Announcer] The Mo Weebit doll.

474
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,719
My secret is I eat well, train hard and.

475
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,239
[yawning]

476
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,359
Shall I do the Mo part again?

477
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,679
[Announcer] And the very rare Mo Kaching

478
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,879
who only eats products he advertises.

479
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,599
Meat substitutes increase
your happiness level.

480
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,519
[Announcer] For the more skilled player,

481
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,279
take your Mo to the Mokey gym

482
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,079
and fight Russian characters.

483
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,999
You're fungus base meat
substitute sausages

484
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,560
are no match for my
state sponsored steroids.

485
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,239
[whack]

486
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,040
[Announcer] What classic
sitcom would you like

487
00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:01,199
to see revived?

488
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,599
I'm pleased the BBC brought back

489
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,239
Til Death Us Do Part.

490
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,159
When that grumpy old Gitu reels off

491
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,879
a string of bigoted reactionary opinions,

492
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:14,120
only without being shunted
onto a bloody internet channel.

493
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,839
[doorbell ringing]

494
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,319
Oh, hello.

495
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,240
♪ Hello ♪

496
00:18:20,241 --> 00:18:21,639
It's me.

497
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,960
I've got a package for you Adele.

498
00:18:22,984 --> 00:18:24,479
Looks like a gold disc.

499
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,679
Oh, bleeding heck not another.

500
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,520
[breaking]

501
00:18:27,521 --> 00:18:28,759
Oh, well, have a nice day.

502
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,040
Where do you think you're going?

503
00:18:30,064 --> 00:18:31,040
Sorry.

504
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:31,880
You can't just leave me.

505
00:18:31,881 --> 00:18:33,799
Um, I've got to deliver next door's mail.

506
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:38,800
♪ Thought ours was love to last ♪

507
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:45,280
♪ But it turns out it was second class ♪

508
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,439
♪ When you rang my bell ♪

509
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:55,440
♪ I wanted more but
you left me for Janet ♪

510
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,080
♪ In number 24 ♪

511
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,759
Oh, I'll never forget you my darling.

512
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,759
What we had was the
most special 46 seconds

513
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,119
of my life babes.

514
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,279
Right, I've sorted that
leak in the bathroom.

515
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,280
I'll be off then.

516
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,559
♪ Our love was pure ♪

517
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,319
♪ But had to spoil it ♪

518
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:21,320
♪ Like the blockage
flushed down the toilet ♪

519
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,359
[crying]

520
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,200
Another leak?

521
00:19:25,201 --> 00:19:27,319
Don't ward it off, I'll fetch me spanner.

522
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,479
Have you been missold a Brexit?

523
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,519
If so, you may be entitled
to claim compensation.

524
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,239
Mr. H of Norridge was promised

525
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,359
350 million pounds a week for the NHS by

526
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,519
a bogus salesman.

527
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,959
Blah, I've never seen this
bus before in my life.

528
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,359
Mrs. R of Grimbsy was warned that if

529
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:47,559
she voted remain, 75 million Turks would

530
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,599
be entitled to come
and live in her garden.

531
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,759
That is a complete lie, I never mentioned

532
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,959
the word garden [belching].

533
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,799
While Mrs. G of Doncaster
wasn't even aware

534
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,959
that she'd signed up for Brexit.

535
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,799
How was I supposed to know that if I voted

536
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,759
leave we might end up leaving.

537
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,959
So if you wanted your country back,

538
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,439
but now you'd rather have your vote back,

539
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,279
call the Brexit hotline.

540
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,959
Our polite and hardworking team are ready

541
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:13,840
for your call.

542
00:20:13,841 --> 00:20:14,959
Not me, my friend.

543
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,480
I'm being sent back to Poland.

544
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,800
[upbeat music]

545
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:24,879
Right, who's next.

546
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,839
Tall skinny latte please.

547
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,479
One tall skinny latte.

548
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,679
What's your name?

549
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,520
Cheryl.

550
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,719
Oh, I'm afraid there's
already a Cheryl waiting.

551
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,919
What's your surname.

552
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:38,159
All right, it's hang on, what is it again,

553
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,519
not Tweedy, not Cole, cheating bastard.

554
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,359
Cheating bastard.

555
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,559
No, no, wait, it's Fernando
something, Zucchini.

556
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,479
Oh, hang on, that was last week.

557
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,119
I know, what's your surname?

558
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:51,960
Sir Robinson.

559
00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:54,039
Great, put Cheryl Robinson.

560
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,319
Will you marry me?

561
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,959
Who's next.

562
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,359
That's my line.

563
00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,840
[Announcer] What classic sitcom would

564
00:20:59,864 --> 00:21:01,039
you like to see revived?

565
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,479
Some people have suggested
Drop the Dead Donkey,

566
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,079
but I've decided Wayne Rooney
will still be the captain.

567
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,199
Now, the countryside.

568
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,559
Can't beat that George.

569
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,639
But I still don't understand what

570
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,959
we're doing here.

571
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:15,960
Let me just ask you this.

572
00:21:15,961 --> 00:21:17,639
How do you think I'll go down in history?

573
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,759
Um, as the idiot who
gambled the country's future

574
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,239
on a referendum and lost?

575
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,319
Dividing the nation
and causing the breakup

576
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,759
of the United Kingdom?

577
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:26,600
Exactly.

578
00:21:26,601 --> 00:21:28,639
As the toss pot who dished out almost

579
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,479
all his undeserving cronies.

580
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,279
Thanks for that by the way.

581
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,120
Oh, don't mention it.

582
00:21:33,121 --> 00:21:35,039
As the slimy two-faced weasel who-

583
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,079
That's quite enough.

584
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,239
I preferred it when I was
known as the prime minister

585
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:39,839
who had sex with a pig.

586
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,600
But that was complete nonsense.

587
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,119
That was yes, however, get filing George.

588
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,399
I'd far rather be remembered for this.

589
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,999
Come here Pinky, there
would a pirage in this view.

590
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,479
[pig squealing]

591
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:55,580
[upbeat music]