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[upbeat music]

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♪ I used to sing about the boy next door ♪

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♪ But now I'm older and I want much more ♪

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♪ I want a man who understand my needs ♪

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♪ Be the headline that
the whole world reads ♪

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♪ Then I met a guy who felt the same. ♪

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Hi.

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♪ You and I are both in love with fame ♪

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♪ And I'm like you're amazing ♪

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♪ And I'm like gosh ♪

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♪ And I'm like Instagram that ♪

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♪ And I'm like Christ ♪

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♪ We're like really truly
madly in love with fame ♪

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♪ I first saw you when
you won your Grammy ♪

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♪ You were really cool in Downton Abbey ♪

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♪ Uh, night manager ♪

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♪ Whatever ♪

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♪ I was instantly love with him ♪

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♪ Could never be without my Tim ♪

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♪ Uh, Tom ♪

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♪ Whatever ♪

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♪ The paparazzi want to see us kiss ♪

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♪ I use the publicity stuntman for this ♪

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♪ And I'm like this is trending ♪

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♪ And I'm like what's that ♪

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♪ And I'm like SnapChat spat ♪

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♪ And I'm like come again ♪

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♪ We're like really truly
legally contractually ♪

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♪ In love with you ♪

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♪ We got 24/7 PR on tap ♪

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♪ Oh, no, the Englishman's going to rap ♪

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♪ T-Hitty in the house
with a touch of class ♪

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♪ I'm a serious actor ♪

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♪ Have you seen my ass ♪

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♪ My Corria Lane this was a hit at rad ♪

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♪ About pretending this is real ♪

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♪ Was a damn site harder ♪

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♪ We're even bigger than Kanye and Kim ♪

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♪ God I wish I had a butt like him ♪

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♪ We got more hits than
Orlando and Katie ♪

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♪ Who's breaking the internet now matey ♪

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♪ One last thing that we got to make up ♪

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♪ That's a headline friendly breakup ♪

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♪ It's a split up alert from my agent ♪

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♪ And I'm like it's over ♪

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♪ But who's going to be my
arm candy for the Emmys ♪

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♪ Nice to meet you Dom ♪

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♪ Ooh ♪

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♪ Whatever, next ♪

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Hello, I'm Steven Mohan and welcome back

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to Catch Phrase.

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Now don't forget, you just have to say

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what you see.

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[buzzing]

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A poor man's Upton Deck.

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Haven't started yet.

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Flogging a dead horse.

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[buzzing]

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No.

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Scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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Stop it.

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Money for old Rob.

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This is certainly is.

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Are you a politician having problems

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with your dirty laundry?

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Then you need new fast acting Vaz.

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Perfect for those impossible to remove

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stains in your character.

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Just ask this expert.

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I'm a washing machine salesman called Jim

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and definitely not rent
by scandal MP Keith Vaz

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and I always recommend Vaz.

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[knocking]

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Are you ready to take the Vaz challenge.

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This is a private matter.

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It's idea for those stubborn and

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hard to remove politicians.

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I certainly don't know any of those.

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Could your politician pass
the Vaz doorstep challenge?

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[Announcer] Warning, Vaz may boost sales

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of the Sunday Mirror.

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[Director] Taylor Swift
boyfriend auditions

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number 97, Alan Carr.

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Hello Tay Tay, it's me.

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We should so get together.

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Swift Carr, oh, sounds
like a mini-cab company.

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I know our relationship would
be a little far fetched,

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but still more believable
than your last one, oh.

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Welcome to the Island with Bear Grylls,

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where two teams of boys
and girls take everything

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the island can throw at them while I swan

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around in a five-star hotel.

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First rule of survival,
avoid any unnecessary danger,

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so welcome to the Island
without Bear Grylls

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because I'm nowhere near it.

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My job is to hang out in a penthouse suite

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and state the bleeding obvious,

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like when the contestants haven't eaten

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for two weeks.

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They're all really hungry
of if they're climbing

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on a slippery cliff.

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They could slip.

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[thud]

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Or if they're dangerously
close to a very big crocodile.

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[yelling]

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Well, you get the idea obviously.

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Why are my comments so obvious?

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Because I've got so many
other shows to churn out

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that I've only got time
to say the first thing

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that comes into my head.

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I forgot my phone charger.

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Later I'll be saying some
of this sort of stuff

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on the roof by the pool because it looks

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a bit like I'm on a boat.

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And here's some obvious voiceover stuff

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they can cut in wherever they like.

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It's a lovely day, it's raining.

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There's a storm coming.

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He's hot, she is depressed.

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There is my phone charger.

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I'm Bear Grylls and I've
viewed some of the most

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terrifying footage ever
shot whilst sitting

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in some of the poshest hotels ever built,

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but this is my biggest challenge yet.

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A seven-course tasting menu
with wine and digestif.

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After eating all that,
this Bear is going to need

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to go into the woods and
do something, obviously.

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[upbeat music]

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Great work on the new campaign slogans.

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You think so, really?

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No, they're pathetic.

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I've got better ones.

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Do as you're told and vote Hillary.

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Just goddamn vote Hillary you morons.

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Which bitch, this bitch, bitch.

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Bill, I am trying to run a campaign here.

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What is it?

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Do you notice anything
new about me Hillary?

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What?

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I don't know, you got a new apron.

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I just got my hair dyed arctic white.

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Just the way that you like it.

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I don't care about your goddamn hair.

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I care about a slogan that's going

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to get me goddamn elected.

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Those ones look good honey.

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They're horse shit.

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Did you even focus group them?

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Huh?

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Yeah, well, we did and one word is proving

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a little unpopular.

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Which one?

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Hillary.

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Turns out you're not seen as very likable.

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What do you mean I'm not very likable?

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Hiya!

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Oh.

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And calm.

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Okay, let's workshop what
people do like about me.

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[clock ticking]

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Well, you're not Trump.

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That's it.

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Vote not Trump.

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I love it.

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Get those posters printed now!

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[Director] Taylor Swift
boyfriend auditions number 27.

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The Pope.

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Hey, Taylor.

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We got so much in common.

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You're cool and hip and so am I.

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Plus I'm celibate, so no jiggy jiggy,

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just like with Tom.

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I'm perfect, call me.

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[upbeat music]

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Ooh, this is brilliant Simon.

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My chair is pointing
directly away from the stage.

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Is this so I can turn around like

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they do on the Voice?

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Something like that Louie.

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It won't turn around.

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Why won't it turn around.

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I don't know why it won't turn around.

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[dramatic music]

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He's dead.

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But nothing like this ever happens here.

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We live in an unspoilt rural village.

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That can only mean one thing.

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What?

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TV detective.

190
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:38,719
Olivia Coleman?

191
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I'll have this case cracked
in 10 one-hour episodes

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plus maybe a second series.

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Forget it Coleman.

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I'll solve it before the
next staff Brass Over advert.

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Lancasher.

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Out of me way.

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This is a case for a
no-nonsense female couple

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with a tragic back story who loves

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rubbing up against authority.

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Ooh, perfect for me.

201
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Now, back off.

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Not a chance.

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I wear Iver's jackets.

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I'm getting me a kivved in
every series of Appy Valley.

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This is my case.

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Nonsense, you're just a sergeant.

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00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,239
I'm a detective, Hamden and I5, right.

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I need to become ridiculously
personally involved

209
00:07:10,184 --> 00:07:11,519
in this case like I did in

210
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Night Manager and Broadcaster.

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I'm already ridiculously
personally involved.

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00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,679
This dead body is me mom's
pawn peddling boyfriend

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and my lesbian cousin's crap
dealing English teacher.

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Excuse us.

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Sorry.

216
00:07:24,001 --> 00:07:25,919
We've both got big parts in Midsomer.

217
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,479
This is so my case.

218
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,119
No, I think you've heard it's mine.

219
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,039
Actually, you're both wrong.

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00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,079
[Together] Elber?

221
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,359
This case has Luther written all over it.

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You ladies can both toddle off to collect

223
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your bafters while I lose my temper

224
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for no apparent reason.

225
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,360
[banging]

226
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,001
Hang on a minute, you only do ludicrously

227
00:07:43,025 --> 00:07:45,159
overcomplicated serial killer murders.

228
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,000
So?

229
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,239
This can't be your case.

230
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,479
There's only one body.

231
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At the moment.

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[Together] Oh!

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Oy, you two wait for us.

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We're coming to Midsomer.

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It's safer there.

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[Director] Taylor Swift
boyfriend auditions number 35.

237
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,239
Nigel Farage.

238
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,919
I'll be totally honest, I'm not usually

239
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,839
a fan of Swift's, flying over here,

240
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,439
picking our British berries
off our British bushes.

241
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There should be a migration point system

242
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,319
to keep them out.

243
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:10,479
[belching]

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00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,480
[Reporter] They had luck
against Nisha Curry, Andy,

245
00:08:12,504 --> 00:08:14,399
but you've had an
incredible run this year.

246
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,639
What motivates you?

247
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:19,319
Well it's all down to my wee baby girl.

248
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[All] Aw!

249
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Because the moment I lose, it's back home

250
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to sleepless nights and nappy changing.

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Oh, the horror.

252
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Hey, forget Rio.

253
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Welcome to biggest,
bestest number in sporting

254
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:39,840
even in world, the O-Kim
Pic Games, applause.

255
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:40,880
[applauding]

256
00:08:40,881 --> 00:08:44,719
Glorious North Korea sure
to win record medal hard

257
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because no one else allowed to take part.

258
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,119
First event today.

259
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,679
Men's shot put.

260
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I shoot men, they stay put.

261
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Kim win.

262
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,319
[applauding]

263
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,399
Next up fencing.

264
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,559
I build big fence to
stop North Korea citizens

265
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,879
escaping to south.

266
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Kim win again.

267
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[applauding]

268
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:05,800
Next up boxing.

269
00:09:05,801 --> 00:09:09,679
We put a esteemed members
of international free press

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00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,439
in box and throw away key.

271
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,559
Ha, ha.

272
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,879
Quick look at supreme leaderboard.

273
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,199
Kim get so many gold medals that Kim

274
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,999
win weightlifting as well.

275
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,599
[thud]

276
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,799
And don't miss amazing
fireworks at closing ceremony

277
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,199
when I nuke South Korea.

278
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,520
[explosion]

279
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,399
PM, now I'm minister for Brexit,

280
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,999
people keep asking me what Brexit means.

281
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,479
I've tried fobbing them off
with Brexit means leaving

282
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,439
the EU, but it's not working.

283
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,199
It's very simple David.

284
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,159
Brexit means Brexit.

285
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,519
[speaking gibberish]

286
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,799
Yes, very well done.

287
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,959
Brexit means Brexit is a pointless answer.

288
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,319
It means absolutely nothing.

289
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,080
We asked a hundred
members of the public what

290
00:09:55,104 --> 00:09:56,799
they thought Brexit meant.

291
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,759
Answers you could have had include um, uh,

292
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:03,799
I'm not sure or is it something
to do with bendy bananas.

293
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,039
Most popular answer was
Brexit means a messy fudge

294
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,279
designed to avoid doing
the things the public

295
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,959
actually voted for.

296
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,399
Yes, it is.

297
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,320
Well, for starters we need to find a way

298
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,599
to tackle immigration.

299
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,679
Like I said, I'm not about to introduce

300
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,279
a ludicrously overcomplicated point system

301
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,079
that nobody can understand.

302
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,879
Well it works on pointless.

303
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,919
[Director] Taylor Swift
boyfriend auditions number 15,

304
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:26,920
Prince Harry.

305
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,439
Hey, Taylor, if you
like a poshatonian bloke

306
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,039
who's always in the headlines and loves

307
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,799
getting his bum out, I'm your man, wolf!

308
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,959
[gentle music]

309
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,239
[breathing heavy]

310
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,679
What is it Phil, you okay?

311
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,119
I can't take the guilt no more.

312
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,239
I've done a murder.

313
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,120
A murder?

314
00:10:45,121 --> 00:10:47,199
Phil, no, who'd you kill.

315
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,359
It was, it was.

316
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,199
Where are the drum beats.

317
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,079
26 years of bloody drums.

318
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:55,959
I can't take it no more.

319
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,759
But now, he we gonna know when

320
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:58,960
something dramatic's happened?

321
00:10:58,984 --> 00:11:01,599
I suppose we'll just have
to do it with acting.

322
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,639
Oh, God, Phil, what have you done?

323
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,840
[banging]

324
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,319
Rocket system tested and ready to go.

325
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,839
What up ya'll.

326
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,519
Yeez is in the sheezy,
ready to go into speezy.

327
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,919
What?

328
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,599
My name is Kanye West,
the best of the best,

329
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,199
got 200 percent on my astronaut test.

330
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,799
That is literally impossible.

331
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,079
You is a liar, Kanye's on fire.

332
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,079
But this is an unmanned spacecraft.

333
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,439
We don't need an astronaut.

334
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,679
Whoa, listen up haters, Kanye gonna get

335
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,439
his left arm replaced with a bald eagle

336
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,719
so he can literally
flip you the bird, yeah.

337
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,679
Mr. West, do you even know what space is?

338
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,399
Oh, yeah, of course I know what space is.

339
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,799
I invented space so I'd
have something to look at

340
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,639
while I got my balls jazzled.

341
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,480
Want to see them?

342
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:49,440
[Together] No!

343
00:11:49,441 --> 00:11:52,399
And please don't press that
button, it's dangerous.

344
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,319
The only thing dangerous is not following

345
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,439
your dreams mother.

346
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:56,999
We have lift off.

347
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,119
[explosion]

348
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,480
Told you all I was on fire.

349
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,399
[playful music]

350
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,360
[Announcer] Next into the
First Dates restaurant

351
00:12:06,361 --> 00:12:11,360
is Cheryl, Fernando's
Visrotten Riani, uh, Cheryl,

352
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,959
just Cheryl.

353
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,399
Welcome just Cheryl.

354
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,639
Now some people say you have a tendency to

355
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,239
rush into relationships.

356
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,359
Will you marry me?

357
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,119
No, madam, I am the maitre'd.

358
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,879
I am just the random
stereotypical French guys

359
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,039
they slap on this show to fool people

360
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,000
that it's classy.

361
00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:31,199
Oh, but I had a really
good feeling about us.

362
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,279
You see, a French accent
makes even the most

363
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,919
banal crap sound like a
deep philosophical insight.

364
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,719
Whoa, that is proper clever.

365
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,639
Ooh, here comes your date.

366
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:47,640
Gadzooks, Alexander
Boris DePapefal Johnson

367
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,720
at your service.

368
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:49,560
Blah.

369
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,159
You've got a tautly absurd

370
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,999
and unpronounceable name, tick.

371
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,519
I know, amass abonk.

372
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,919
We don't even speak the
same language, tick.

373
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,999
And we've only just met, tick.

374
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,279
Let's get married.

375
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,519
Yes, well, I am, uh, already married.

376
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,719
Although I don't usually let that stop me.

377
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,479
Sounds like I'm rushing into
a car crash relationship

378
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,519
with a tautly inappropriate man.

379
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,559
It's so perfect.

380
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,959
Are you ready to take
it to the next stage?

381
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,359
You betcha, whoa.

382
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,319
Another really messy breakup.

383
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,479
A messy breakup, even better.

384
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,759
I love a Brexit, which is
short for a Boris exit.

385
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,999
Toodle pip.

386
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,279
Will you marry me?

387
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,079
Madam, you've already asked me that.

388
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,639
Oh, what are men like?

389
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,719
[Announcer] What do you
remember about school?

390
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,199
I spent most of my school days bullying,

391
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,479
name calling, picking on
the weak and vulnerable

392
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:40,799
and making them cry.

393
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,520
I say serve them right
for becoming teachers.

394
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,279
Okay, Mr. Preston, to get your dog to sit,

395
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,279
just give a nice crisp
simply instruction like this.

396
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,399
Sit!

397
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,280
Good boy.

398
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,120
Now you try.

399
00:13:53,121 --> 00:13:54,159
No problem.

400
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,999
Rover, would you consider abandoning

401
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,719
your current stance vis
a vis you standing up

402
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,279
and make a commitment to
lowering your posterior

403
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,799
in line with the ground.

404
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,800
No, no, Mr. Preston.

405
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:06,319
What you say needs to be
short and to the point.

406
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,639
Apologies, but I am
struggling to comprehend

407
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:09,480
the precise way-

408
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,199
Just use one word.

409
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,519
Uh, can you make your
language more convoluted

410
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,399
so that I can understand you.

411
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,559
I'm saying when you address your dog,

412
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,639
you need to keep close
eye on your delivery

413
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,279
specifically with regard
to brevity of instruction.

414
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,319
Oh, I see.

415
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,999
So with regard to talking
to my canine colleague,

416
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,359
I need to monitor the
aggregate number of syllables

417
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,119
within the command, thereby decluttering

418
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,639
that verbiage and.

419
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:36,439
Oh, look, I've taught him to play dead.

420
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,519
He is dead, Mr. Preston.

421
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:39,919
He died of old age waiting for you

422
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,039
to finish your sentence.

423
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,040
Ah.

424
00:14:42,041 --> 00:14:44,079
[Announcer] What do you
remember about school?

425
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,479
Well, my favorite lesson was English

426
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,039
so I was a big admirer of Charles Dickens.

427
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,359
He used to sit next to
me and Emily Bronte.

428
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,360
Happy days.

429
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,160
[Announcer] It's time for Smackdown 2016.

430
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,519
It's the trash talking political campaign,

431
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,679
that's just like American
wrestling, only dumber.

432
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,559
The Trumpster is going to open

433
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:09,319
a can of whoop ass on crooked Hillary.

434
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,799
[Audience] Kill, kill, kill.

435
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,200
[Announcer] Round one,
Trump verus Mexicans.

436
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,039
[Audience] Build a wall, build a wall.

437
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:21,159
Yeah, and I'm gonna get
the Mexicans to pay for it.

438
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,399
Who is stupid enough to believe that.

439
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,040
[Audience] We are, we are, we are.

440
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,839
[Announcer] Round two, Trump
versus heroes, knockout.

441
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,119
One, two.

442
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,519
I'm not done yet fellow.

443
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,239
Whoa, we thought he was down and out.

444
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,319
Have you folks already
forgotten that I insulted

445
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,719
a dead soldier's mother?

446
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,119
[Audience] Hell, yeah.

447
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,479
[Announcer] Round three,
Trump versus the world.

448
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:47,839
Well, we've got nuclear weapons,

449
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,439
we might as well use them.

450
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:50,919
Am I right folks?

451
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,160
[Audience] Nuke them all, nuke them all.

452
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,959
[Announcer] If the Trumpster wins,

453
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:59,039
prepare for WW3.

454
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,120
It's gonna be great.

455
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,319
And that was a clip
from Bridget Jones' Baby

456
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,319
staring Colin Firth and
something that looked

457
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,839
a bit like Renee Zellwiger crossed

458
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,239
with a chicken nugget.

459
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,839
So what did I think of it?

460
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,399
Well, I'm not sure, I
only saw half the film,

461
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,519
the bottom half.

462
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,879
Right, well, this film
show is way too small fry

463
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,760
for the queen of showbiz,
so I am out of here.

464
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,039
Ooh.

465
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:25,640
If I can ever find the door.

466
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:31,999
Okay, who's next.

467
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,319
Hi, I'm Jeremy.

468
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,439
And I'm Diane.

469
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,119
And we are UB4 Corbin.

470
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,839
Oh, no, not another charitable double act.

471
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,279
This is a tribute to the labor parties

472
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,239
incredible endorsement by UB40.

473
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,439
Haven't they split up?

474
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,839
UB40 or the labor party?

475
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,999
♪ They say it's time for me to go ♪

476
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:56,239
♪ But I don't care what
all the polls show ♪

477
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,240
[All] Ah!

478
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,519
♪ The labor party can win with you ♪

479
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:05,520
♪ But how many people
really think that's true ♪

480
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,039
♪ Two ♪

481
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,439
♪ Just us two babe ♪

482
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,639
♪ Me and you babe ♪

483
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,839
Are they finished?

484
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,360
You bet they are.

485
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,799
♪ Sadly two babe ♪

486
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,519
I'm stuck in 1972 babe.

487
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,799
It's a no for me.

488
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,999
It's time for you to go.

489
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,720
Good luck with that.

490
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,400
[upbeat music]

491
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,000
All right everyone listen up.

492
00:17:33,024 --> 00:17:34,919
It's Molter next.

493
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,519
Should be an easy game, but
we're not taking any chances.

494
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,959
What's the plan big Sam?

495
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,279
No win from no one and not big Sam,

496
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,359
I'm lucky Sam.

497
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,559
Our win against Slovakia was all down

498
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,799
to this lucky coin.

499
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:51,479
But lucky Sam, we won't get
a 95th winner every match.

500
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,839
Oh, yes, we will.

501
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,279
This is my lineup for the Molter game.

502
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,559
Two horseshoes up front,
then four rabbits' feet

503
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,759
backed up by four sprigs of lucky heather.

504
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,119
England's good luck is here to stay.

505
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,639
[thud]

506
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,439
Oh, no, an unexpected banana skin.

507
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:08,879
Unlucky lucky Sam.

508
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,719
Mr. Edmonds, thanks for dropping by.

509
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,199
Aw, the fires of hell.

510
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,559
Not so much crinkly
bottom as crackly bottom.

511
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:17,999
You've still got it.

512
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,399
Now I heard channel 4
have axed Deal or No Deal.

513
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,639
Well, I want you to make
it for everyone here.

514
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,319
Really, you like the show?

515
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,199
Love it, it'll make them
suffer for all eternity.

516
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,479
Our VHS of Noel's House
Party is beginning to melt.

517
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,239
[speaking gibberish]

518
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,119
Okay, everybody, time for a photograph

519
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,279
of all the most powerful
people in the world.

520
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,360
Which means not you Theresa.

521
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,279
Listen up, minions.

522
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,719
Those stupid balls know nothing.

523
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,199
I will become the most powerful leader

524
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,559
in the world.

525
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,120
Our economy will be invincible.

526
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,439
[speaking gibberish]

527
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:58,519
Silence.

528
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:00,479
That wasn't an evil joke.

529
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,640
[Announcer] Despicable May 2.

530
00:19:01,664 --> 00:19:04,079
How dare you freeze me out.

531
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,399
I'm the one who does the
freezing around here.

532
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,239
I see stare.

533
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:09,240
Watch out!

534
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,200
[evil laughing]

535
00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:13,759
[Announcer] Look out world, she's back.

536
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,159
Despicable May 2.

537
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,800
Trust me, there won't be a Referendum 2.

538
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,839
Shut up and do what I'll say

539
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,759
or I'll have your guts for gathers.

540
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,279
Bloody Theresa May.

541
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,199
Jeri, darling, your little Rupie's home.

542
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,199
Give us a smackeroo.

543
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:37,199
Hello my beautiful billionaire husband.

544
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,039
What did the doctor say?

545
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,319
I hope there's nothing horribly
terminally wrong with you.

546
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,919
Nah, I'm as fit as a fiddle.

547
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:46,559
Oh, hooray.

548
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,079
They say I've got 20 more years left

549
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,879
and I want to spend all
20 of them getting down

550
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,519
and dirty with you.

551
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,799
[retching]

552
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,399
Sorry, sugar, just retching with joy.

553
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,799
Hey, why don't we celebrate.

554
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,999
I rustled up something
special just for you.

555
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,359
It's a little cocktail
I like to call plan B.

556
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:11,119
Here you go sugar pie.

557
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,880
Drink it all up now.

558
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,839
[groaning]

559
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,839
Yee ha, kaching.

560
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,599
Truth, that's strong stuff.

561
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,399
It's really cleaned out me pipes,

562
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,599
brought me didgeridoo right back to life.

563
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,279
Now I feel like bouncing
around on the waterbed

564
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,599
like a couple of randy roos.

565
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,319
[retching]

566
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,160
Let's get up those stairs.

567
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,160
Okay, honey.

568
00:20:33,161 --> 00:20:36,159
I'll bring this incredible
overfull and leaky bucket

569
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,119
of slippery oil.

570
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,359
[groaning]

571
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,279
Whatever turns you on.

572
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,119
[groaning]

573
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,679
Ooh, would you mind just
popping me hip back in?

574
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,119
[retching]

575
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,199
[Announcer] What do you
remember about school.

576
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,239
I remember the careers advisor telling me

577
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,839
that with my skills I
could go on to university

578
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,079
at Saint Andrews and try to shag a prince.

579
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,919
[dramatic music]

580
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,479
Today's celebrity bake off challenge

581
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,199
is already well underway.

582
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,359
Adjust glassed, shuffle
awkwardly, wobble quiff.

583
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,639
So let's go and find out how Keith Lemon's

584
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,319
doing with his cream.

585
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,599
Snicker, add suggestive phrasing.

586
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,799
Knowing cheeky Keith, I expect he's

587
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:14,879
got a pun in the oven.

588
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,319
Hey, Keith.

589
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,320
Talk.

590
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,160
No, no, Keithikins.

591
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,000
Won't do at all.

592
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:19,960
This is Bake Off.

593
00:21:19,961 --> 00:21:22,639
Home of family friendly
pastry based innuendoes.

594
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,119
Right big cock.

595
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:24,960
Keith.

596
00:21:24,961 --> 00:21:26,439
It has to have two meanings.

597
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,079
It's not a single entendre.

598
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,639
You've got to add a pinch of subtlety.

599
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,519
A soup song of innuendo.

600
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,279
Just watch the experts.

601
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,919
That's a strong wrist action Mel.

602
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,599
Oh, I'm making it nice and stiff.

603
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:38,799
Ooh, naughty.

604
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,600
Do you want to lick it
when I've finished Sue?

605
00:21:40,624 --> 00:21:41,959
She means the bowl.

606
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:42,999
Whatever you like.

607
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,839
You see, my lemony snicket.

608
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:45,800
Now you have a go.

609
00:21:45,801 --> 00:21:48,559
Right big cock and balls.

610
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,039
That's just saying rude words.

611
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,559
Big elephant, bangers and bats,

612
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,279
I can see it on a sandwich.

613
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,319
Boy, I'd go through her like a tread.

614
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,999
I've heard quite enough.

615
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,119
Oof!

616
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,039
Raisin ginger knots.

617
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,240
Now you've got the hang of it.

618
00:22:01,264 --> 00:22:02,264
Who's off!

619
00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,460
[upbeat music]

620
00:22:05,484 --> 00:22:08,384
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