1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,640 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,840 [Announcer] Nobel Prize Week. 3 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,239 I should win the Nobel Peace Prize for my work 4 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,439 in the world's most dangerous conflict zone, UKIP. 5 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,839 Now stop scrapping, or I'll give you a smack. 6 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,439 [Nigel burps] 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,879 - [upbeat music] - [Alan sighs] 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:24,720 [dramatic music] 9 00:00:24,721 --> 00:00:26,399 [Announcer] The Apprentice is back, 10 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,519 and Lord Sugar is searching for a new business partner 11 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,559 from a carefully selected pool of massive dicks. 12 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,119 Good morning, candidates. 13 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,439 [All] Good morning, Lord Sugar. 14 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,199 Now, I'm the kind of boss 15 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,959 who tells it like it is. 16 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,799 I call a spade a spade. 17 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,199 Hold up, haven't I used that cliche before? 18 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,040 [alarm buzzes] 19 00:00:44,041 --> 00:00:45,281 - [upbeat music] - [Alan groans] 20 00:00:45,305 --> 00:00:46,865 What the bleed, eh? 21 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,519 This week's task is buying and selling antiques. 22 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,519 Wait, we've definitely done this before. 23 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,319 It's bloody Groundhog Day. 24 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,399 I even know what's gonna happen next. 25 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,479 I'm gonna lose my patience for no reason. 26 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,000 - Lord Sugar. - Shut your bloody mouth, 27 00:01:01,024 --> 00:01:01,959 you bloody Muppet! 28 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,039 And now he's gonna cry 29 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,879 and say it was all the team leader's fault. 30 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,879 [sobs] It was all the team leader's fault. 31 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,159 Hello, is this even connected to anything? 32 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,239 [upbeat music] 33 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,799 [Alan screams] 34 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,399 Your next task is to come up with an advert, 35 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,079 PR campaign for a fragrance, 36 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,239 sports gadget, ready meal, 37 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,039 fragrance sports meal. 38 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,399 Bollocks, I've got to get out of this nightmare. 39 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,079 Well, if I change something, 40 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,079 try speaking with fewer pauses. 41 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,279 I can't do it. 42 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,279 - [alarm buzzes] - [Alan groans] 43 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,199 This is The Apprentice series, God knows. 44 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,040 It could be eight. 45 00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:36,599 It could be 12, could be 200-and-bleeding-four. 46 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,239 Can I just say something controversial and offensive? 47 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,679 Katie Hopkins? 48 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:41,919 But you left years ago. 49 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:42,720 Did I? 50 00:01:42,721 --> 00:01:44,879 Isn't there always a mouthy, racist twat? 51 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,120 Maybe if I pick you the winner, 52 00:01:46,144 --> 00:01:47,679 I could break out of this. 53 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,119 No, I can't do it. 54 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,319 Nothing's worth that. 55 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,479 - [alarm buzzes] - [Alan groans] 56 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,799 Okay, your next task is to kill me. 57 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,039 Who wants to be team leader? 58 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,359 - Me! - No, me! 59 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,079 My CV says I've excellent murder experience. 60 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,919 Oh please, just bleeding make it stop! 61 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,159 [phone rings] 62 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,000 What? 63 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:06,799 You want me to do another series? 64 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:07,919 How much? 65 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,199 Sugar, you're hired. 66 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,359 Eat your heart out, BBC. 67 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,079 This is what you can do with a proper budget. 68 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:16,920 - [explosion roars] - Woof! 69 00:02:16,921 --> 00:02:19,759 Our new Amazon show is going to be great. 70 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,639 Tanks, jet planes, helicopters. 71 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,119 And even a hot meal 72 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,679 whenever I bloody want it. 73 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,839 - [explosion roars] - Yes! 74 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,639 Blow up some more money. 75 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,239 Uh, Jeremy, Hammond's here to see you. 76 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,919 Tell the Hamster, I'm too busy exploding stuff. 77 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,159 Uh, not that one. 78 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,399 It's Philip Hammond, the chancellor. 79 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,319 What in God's trousers do you want? 80 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,999 Look, I've done some sums, 81 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,119 and Britain can't really afford the Armed Forces anymore. 82 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,319 So I was wondering would you guys mind taking 83 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,919 over the defense of the realm. 84 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,159 Well, we are better equipped than the army. 85 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,359 Count me in. 86 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,079 Question, can I blow up Germany? 87 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,559 Oh we're not technically at war with the Germans. 88 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,759 Just wait until the Brexit negotiations start. 89 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:05,799 [gun firing] 90 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,160 I'm gonna take over the world [grunts]. 91 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,079 [classical music] 92 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,519 Daddy, Georgie's hungry. 93 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,159 Give us some more of that jelly swan. 94 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,079 Sorry, George, Daddy's got to go and wave at people. 95 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,159 But don't worry. 96 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,119 Guess who's babysitting? 97 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,639 What ho, chaps? 98 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:23,919 Uncle Harry! 99 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:24,760 - [hand slaps] - [Charlotte giggles] 100 00:03:24,761 --> 00:03:26,719 Oh, you're not gonna believe this geezer, Chaz. 101 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:27,680 He's a riot! 102 00:03:27,681 --> 00:03:30,719 You wait till you sample his cowpoke cocktails. 103 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,560 [Charlotte squeals] 104 00:03:31,561 --> 00:03:34,399 Uh, give us a tinkle if you need anything, broski, 105 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,240 half an hour, yeah? 106 00:03:35,241 --> 00:03:37,439 Unc, Unc, what do you got planned, big man, 107 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,239 dressing up as the Ku Klux Klan 108 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,039 or putting some Viagra in the corgi's dog bowl? 109 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,000 Classic! 110 00:03:43,001 --> 00:03:44,399 Uh, no. 111 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,999 Who's ready for some fruit cordial 112 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,439 and a bedtime story. 113 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,039 [laughs] He's having a laugh, Chaz. 114 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,399 The Windsor massive's going out on a bender. 115 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,679 Oi, oi, savaloy! 116 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,959 Sorry, my hell-raising days are over. 117 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,919 Nowadays, I'm Humble Harry, 118 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,079 proud founder of the Invictus Games. 119 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,679 Just call me the People's Ginger. 120 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,159 Oh gimme strength! 121 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,519 He's serious. 122 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,719 There's only one thing for this, sis. 123 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,519 Do what you do best. 124 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,439 - [bowels grumble] - [Harry groans] 125 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,079 Yeah, broski, you'll have to come back pronto. 126 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,239 There's been a code brown! 127 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,119 [laughs] Dirty protest always works. 128 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,439 Be lucky! 129 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,879 I should win the Nobel Prize for economics, 130 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,279 for discovering that talking 131 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,919 about 400 grand can cost you three million a year. 132 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,280 You're not recording this, are you? 133 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,519 [Announcer] Robot Wars! 134 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,119 First up on Robot Wars, 135 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,919 it's Thunder-Saw, operated by Chris. 136 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,879 He built it in 900 hours 137 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,719 that he could've spent patching things up 138 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,559 with his estranged teenage daughter. 139 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,519 Against him is the Tessbot 2000! 140 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,039 Check out those stats. 141 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,119 Keep dancing! 142 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,279 Keep dancing! 143 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,559 [Announcer] Let's hear it from her operator, Claudia. 144 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:56,400 Oh, hello. 145 00:04:56,401 --> 00:04:59,319 I just wanted to find a TV show more suited 146 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,399 to Tess' unique set of skills. 147 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,079 [Announcer] Let battle commence. 148 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,399 Let's meet our dazzling, delightful, 149 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,639 daring, delicious, deeply dreamy... 150 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,920 [Announcer] Tessbot's really let 151 00:05:09,944 --> 00:05:11,639 that alliteration get away with her. 152 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,679 Surely, she lacks the killer instinct. 153 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,640 You'd be surprised. 154 00:05:14,641 --> 00:05:17,159 I once watched her murder 23 jokes 155 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,439 in a single evening. 156 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,200 [Announcer] Look out, Thunder-Saw's coming in 157 00:05:20,224 --> 00:05:21,239 for the kill! 158 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,759 How many Len Goodmans does it take 159 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:23,839 to change a light bulb? 160 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,919 It takes seven, because seven is what he always says. 161 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,799 Activate laughter [laughs]. 162 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,640 [saw buzzes] 163 00:05:29,641 --> 00:05:31,399 [Announcer] Out comes the saw. 164 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,919 How many Bruno Toniolis does it take to change... 165 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:34,880 [Thunder-Saw grinds] 166 00:05:34,881 --> 00:05:36,121 [Announcer] I don't believe it. 167 00:05:36,145 --> 00:05:38,839 Thunder-Saw has decided to turn the saw on himself. 168 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:39,680 [explosion booms] 169 00:05:39,681 --> 00:05:40,839 [Tessbot] Activate laughter. 170 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,199 A bit extreme, but I know how it feels. 171 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,239 Ad lib, ad lib, ad lib, ad lib, ad lib, ad lib. 172 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,119 [horn hons] 173 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,720 [upbeat music] 174 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,679 ♪ Oh no, oh no ♪ 175 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,639 ♪ Oh no, oh no ♪ 176 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,079 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 177 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,399 ♪ Oh no, no ♪ 178 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,359 ♪ My car keeps blowing up ♪ 179 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:07,159 ♪ Maybe Forsberg will win now ♪ 180 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,959 ♪ My car keeps blowing up daily ♪ 181 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,279 ♪ Why always me now ♪ 182 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,120 [fire roars] 183 00:06:15,121 --> 00:06:16,559 Oh not again. 184 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,599 Oh look, smoke, quick, 185 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,719 someone blow it up my ass. 186 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:21,720 [Lewis groans] 187 00:06:21,721 --> 00:06:24,320 [upbeat music] 188 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,919 [Narrator] They were infected with rage. 189 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,359 Send them all home. 190 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,239 Britain for the British. 191 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,599 Ah! 192 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,359 [Narrator] They roamed the streets looking 193 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,039 for someone to follow. 194 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,799 - Diane James! - You'll do! 195 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,639 I will lead this party into the future. 196 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,839 [Narrator] 18 days later. 197 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,719 Oh no, she's gone. 198 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,199 Who shall we follow now? 199 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,479 Oh bloody hell, not me again. 200 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,159 [All] Nigel! 201 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,559 Can't you find someone else? 202 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,159 All firms must list foreign workers. 203 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,159 Stop migrants taking British jobs. 204 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,399 [All] Teresa! 205 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,439 Build a wall in Calais. 206 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,519 Blimey, she's a bit to rabid for me. 207 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,159 [Narrator] Also coming soon, 208 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,239 Nige of the Living Dead. 209 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,919 Please stop bringing me back. 210 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,039 So tired. 211 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,640 Pints and pints of spinal fluid. 212 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,639 [Nigel burps] 213 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,759 I'm very big fan of Nobel Peace Prize, 214 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,839 but only because Alfred Nobel, inventor of prize, 215 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:32,840 also invent dynamite, and I love blowing things, 216 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,800 up, blowing things up [chuckles]. 217 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,480 [gentle music] 218 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:41,960 Oh good. 219 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,559 Phil, Phil, what's wrong? 220 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,399 Has something big and unexpected happened? 221 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,759 [Phil mumbles] 222 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:47,560 What? 223 00:07:47,561 --> 00:07:48,761 I didn't catch a word of that. 224 00:07:48,784 --> 00:07:50,799 [Phil mumbles] 225 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,679 Phil, you're giving it even more mumble than usual. 226 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,439 For heaven's sake, tell me. 227 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,440 What is it? 228 00:07:56,441 --> 00:07:58,319 [Phil mumbles] 229 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,199 Oh right, I get it. 230 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,079 You've forgotten your lines again, ain't you? 231 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:02,880 Yeah. 232 00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:04,999 Sometimes it can be so hard to tell. 233 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:05,840 [Philip grunts] 234 00:08:05,841 --> 00:08:08,400 [upbeat music] 235 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:10,679 Bored of radio boring, 236 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,039 then it's time to tune into my brand new radio station. 237 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,199 ♪ Cosmically Noel ♪ 238 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,199 You don't even need a radio. 239 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,359 I'm broadcasting it straight from my head to yours. 240 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:23,320 [assistant groans] 241 00:08:23,321 --> 00:08:26,039 If you've got a problem, then we've got an expert 242 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,159 who knows the answer, me. 243 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,120 Well, this is serious. 244 00:08:29,121 --> 00:08:31,639 You're quite clearly in need of some life coaching. 245 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:32,799 [cat meows] 246 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,479 And don't miss my brand new, totally original format. 247 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,759 Now Tiddles, there are only three boxes left. 248 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,319 But inside one, there's a half-dead sparrow. 249 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,999 So meal or no meal? 250 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,239 ♪ Cosmically Noel ♪ 251 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,680 So what do you think of my new show? 252 00:08:49,704 --> 00:08:51,599 Well, it's certainly different, Noel. 253 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,279 Traditionally, the nutters are the ones who phone in. 254 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,719 Aww. 255 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,279 I should win the Nobel Prize for economics 256 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,759 for suggesting that after Brexit, 257 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,399 young British people should take up fruit-picking jobs. 258 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:06,759 - [crowd boos] - [Andrea grunts] 259 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:07,600 See? 260 00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:09,240 It's working already. 261 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,719 This is Detective Luther. 262 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,759 I'm outside the suspected vice den, 263 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,079 awaiting permission to enter, over. 264 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,040 Who am I kidding? 265 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:18,920 I'm Luther. 266 00:09:18,921 --> 00:09:20,839 I'm going in anyway. 267 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:21,879 Nobody move! 268 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:22,720 [perps gasping] 269 00:09:22,721 --> 00:09:24,679 Well, well, well, Tom Hiddleston, 270 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,319 or should I call you Loki? 271 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,599 You Hollywood tart, 272 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,519 whoring yourself out to a superhero franchise again. 273 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,959 He offered me extra if I wore the rubber suit. 274 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,919 You're a trained Shakespearean actor. 275 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,319 I needed the fame. 276 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,799 Anyway, I've seen you in a comic book spinoff, 277 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,679 all strapped up in a leather codpiece. 278 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,839 Wasn't that Thor? 279 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:42,999 It certainly was. 280 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,079 But I'm Idris Elba. 281 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,039 I'm cool enough to get away with anything. 282 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,279 [clattering] 283 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,280 What was that? 284 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,519 Benedict Cumberbatch, 285 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,719 or should I call you Doctor Strange? 286 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,279 Look, go easy on me. 287 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,239 I've never done anything like this before. 288 00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,759 Sure, I've dabbled in sci-fi, 289 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,759 but I've never gone full comic book. 290 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,959 Right, you two, your superhero-playing days are over. 291 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:05,800 [Benedict and Tom gasp] 292 00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:06,959 Because from now on, 293 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,679 I'm taking all the parts. 294 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:11,359 It's back to the Royal Shakespeare Company with you. 295 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,999 [sighs] Midsummer Night's Dream again. 296 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,120 Wait till you see my bottom. 297 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,000 [Benedict gasps] 298 00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:20,480 [dance music] 299 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,119 It's movie week on Strictly, 300 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,319 and guess who's doing The Mask. 301 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,160 Ed Balls! 302 00:10:26,161 --> 00:10:27,321 You haven't looked this green 303 00:10:27,345 --> 00:10:28,999 and sweaty since election night. 304 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,199 [Ed grunts] 305 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,359 So I think this could be the answer 306 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,559 to our teeny-weeny popularity problem. 307 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,719 What is this? 308 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,159 Strictly Come Dancing. 309 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,759 No, I mean this magic window box 310 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,159 of light and color. 311 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,959 Jeremy, that's a television. 312 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,319 Anyway, until last week, 313 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,999 Ed Balls was universally hated. 314 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,159 And now thanks to the power of dance, 315 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,919 he's marginally less hated. 316 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,399 So fame, who wants to live forever? 317 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,519 I know how to dance. 318 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:56,719 I've been to raves. 319 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,320 ♪ Big fish, little fish, cardboard box ♪ 320 00:10:58,344 --> 00:10:59,359 [Sadiq grunts] 321 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,399 Trust me, I know all about shakies. 322 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,479 I was on the Glamorous this week with Michael Portillo. 323 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,399 We should do the tango. 324 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:09,159 - [gentle music] - Left and left and left. 325 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,759 We're just going around in circles. 326 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,119 Sadiq, I'm supposed to be leading. 327 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,359 You're out of step. 328 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:15,759 Well, you're out of time 329 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,039 by about 30 years. 330 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,239 - Traitor! - Trot! 331 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,120 Blairite! 332 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,080 Stop it! 333 00:11:20,081 --> 00:11:23,799 We mustn't blow our one and only chance of a Labour victory. 334 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,959 You're quite right. 335 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,159 Hello, three votes for Ed Balls, please. 336 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,199 So this telly-o-vision, 337 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,839 how did the little people get inside? 338 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:32,959 [dance music] 339 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,679 I should get the Nobel Prize for literature, 340 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,999 because I've just finished my first book, 341 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,960 How Hungry Was That Caterpillar? 342 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,319 This is a top-secret MI6 operation. 343 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,919 To nail this new arms dealer, 344 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,719 we need to send in who will be totally under the radar. 345 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,959 Yes, someone who can completely disappear 346 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:51,920 into the background. 347 00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:55,079 And I think I found the perfect man for the job, 348 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,359 Nick Grimshaw. 349 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,200 What up? 350 00:11:57,201 --> 00:11:59,159 G-Dog's in the house. 351 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,639 Now Grimshaw, we need you to infiltrate a shadowy, 352 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,879 international arms dealing organization 353 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,759 without anybody noticing you. 354 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,600 How would I do that? 355 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,359 Just do your best presenting, 356 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,519 like you did on X Factor. 357 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,639 He was on the X Factor? 358 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,679 - Exactly. - Hmm. 359 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,199 Really lay on the charisma, 360 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,200 give it all you got. 361 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,679 I'll super-size it. 362 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,519 - Word. - Brilliant. 363 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,159 Grimmy's utterly forgettable. 364 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,199 He really has no presence at all, does he? 365 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,439 He's like an air pocket doing a shit Northern accent. 366 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,639 Uh, guys, I'm still here. 367 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:26,640 Did you hear something? 368 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,480 No, not me. 369 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,480 Banter! 370 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,759 [Announcer] At Kensington Palace, 371 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,439 George and Charlotte have snuck downstairs 372 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,759 to watch the telly. 373 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,359 Ga, ga, ga, ga. 374 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,399 Why we watching Tattoo Fixers? 375 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,039 Well, as it happens, Char, 376 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,999 I might have accidentally gone and got a grizzly done 377 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,839 on me backside in Canada. 378 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,599 Bear bum, get it [laughs]? 379 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,959 Goo, goo, ga, ga. 380 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,119 Yeah, well, it seemed funny 381 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,879 after eight pints of Lumberjack. 382 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,039 Oi, oi, savaloy! 383 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,679 [bell tolls] 384 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,719 Okay, minions, the date is set. 385 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,599 We're going to trigger Brexit by March 31st. 386 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,639 As it's such a boffo prank, 387 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,119 shouldn't we do it a day later. 388 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,599 No, you fool! 389 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,759 Right, which one of you understands the legal complexities 390 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,719 of extricating us from Europe? 391 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,439 - Um. - Oh right. 392 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,839 ♪ My name's Kanye West ♪ 393 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,399 ♪ And before exit ♪ 394 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,999 ♪ Gonna negotiate the shizz ♪ 395 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,120 ♪ Out this punk-ass Brexit ♪ 396 00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:19,599 What are you doing here? 397 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,559 You're a rap star, not a politician. 398 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,959 ♪ I am a politician, visionary ♪ 399 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,119 ♪ A fried potato ♪ 400 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,159 ♪ Anyone who says I ain't is a hater ♪ 401 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,240 Shouldn't we let him speak? 402 00:13:29,264 --> 00:13:31,159 We need all the help we can get. 403 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,759 ♪ Gonna organize Britain's secession from the EU ♪ 404 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,239 ♪ Then I'm gonna make America my boo ♪ 405 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,599 ♪ And saddle me up a kangaroo ♪ 406 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,039 ♪ Ride it like a horse till my balls turn blue ♪ 407 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,719 ♪ Then all you brothers gonna be like ♪ 408 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,199 ♪ Ooh, that looks painful ♪ 409 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,919 ♪ And I'ma be like, true ♪ 410 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,639 That's ludicrous, impractical 411 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,639 and makes no sense at all. 412 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:51,759 But it's still better. 413 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,519 than anything us three have come up with 414 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,079 Come and be my advisor. 415 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:55,920 ♪ No way ♪ 416 00:13:55,921 --> 00:13:57,119 ♪ I ain't no advisor ♪ 417 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,959 ♪ I don't work for no one, neither ♪ 418 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,679 ♪ Yeezy's a lone genius ♪ 419 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,039 ♪ Time for a yexit ♪ 420 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,719 - [engine rattles] - [cycle thuds] 421 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,239 Which one of you haters put that wall there? 422 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,759 [Kanye beatboxes] 423 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,359 [playful music] 424 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,519 Tonight's celebrity first date is Gary Barlow, 425 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,079 singer from Take That, 426 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,439 or as we say in French, Take That. 427 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,039 Let's see how he's getting on. 428 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,359 And so I said to him, 429 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,159 it was actually a perfectly legal, 430 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,359 music industry investment scheme, 431 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,079 as I indicated in my previous 10 faxes. 432 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,040 [woman groans] 433 00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:31,679 - [woman snores] - Oh. 434 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,999 Uh-huh, as a stereotypical Frenchman, 435 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,799 I am uniquely qualified in affairs of the heart. 436 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,039 So I can tell all is not well with your date. 437 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:40,960 Date? 438 00:14:40,961 --> 00:14:42,879 Oh no, she's my accountant. 439 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,359 It means I can write off this meal 440 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,839 as a business expense. 441 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,439 Anyway, best be off, 442 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,559 I only paid for half-an-hour's parking. 443 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:50,919 Can I get a doggie bag? 444 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:51,760 [speaks in foreign language] 445 00:14:51,761 --> 00:14:53,719 I will have to charge you a flat fee for the bag. 446 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,720 Oh, in that case, just pour the soup in my pocket. 447 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,679 Okay, Miguel, what is the story? 448 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,919 Someone has been stalking 449 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,599 the footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. 450 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,279 - Huh? - I have traced the stalker 451 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,319 to this address. 452 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,879 [grunts] This could be dangerous. 453 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:09,880 You go first. 454 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,199 [gasps] It's worse than I thought. 455 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,399 He's even got some of Ronaldo's underwear. 456 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,919 - [Miguel sniffs] - [Miguel gags] 457 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,079 Used, I think. 458 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,479 This sicko clearly has a deeply unhealthy obsession 459 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,239 with Cristiano Ronaldo. 460 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,559 Who on Earth could it be? 461 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:26,400 [officers gasp] 462 00:15:26,401 --> 00:15:28,119 What are you two doing in my bedroom? 463 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,199 - Oh! - I want to be alone. 464 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,639 I'm going to handcuff myself to the bed 465 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,879 and have my wicked way with myself. 466 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,159 [speaks in foreign language] 467 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,160 Let's get out of here. 468 00:15:37,161 --> 00:15:40,359 Come here, you gorgeous, goal-scoring hunk. 469 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,040 [lips smacking] 470 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,879 [playful music] 471 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,559 Get in, top of the list again. 472 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,599 In your face, JK Rowling. 473 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,879 Serves you right for giving money to that charity. 474 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,279 What a loser. 475 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,199 Good day, Jerry darling. 476 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,359 How are you enjoying your present? 477 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,679 [sighs] This Jacuzzi's the dingo's gonads. 478 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,999 You do look like you're a bit hot in there, sugar pie. 479 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,599 Oh yeah, and I'm about to get even hotter. 480 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,199 Jump in and let's slither around 481 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,519 like a couple of randy game toads. 482 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,919 [gags] Seriously, honey, 483 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,039 I think you need to cool down. 484 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,599 Here, let me put this electric fan 485 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,759 precariously near the edge of the water, whoopsie! 486 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,359 - [electricity buzzes] - [Rupert groans] 487 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,880 Yee-haw, ca-ching! 488 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,079 [grunts] My heart! 489 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,040 Your heart? 490 00:16:31,041 --> 00:16:32,519 It's beating again. 491 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,599 It hasn't done that since 1973. 492 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,319 I've never felt so alive. 493 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,319 Now, strip off and soap up. 494 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,519 I'll want to scuba dive around your Great Barrier Reef. 495 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:42,839 [Jerry gags] 496 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,559 [flatulates] Ripper, extra bubbles! 497 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,839 - [Jerry sighs] - [Jerry thuds] 498 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,479 [classical music] 499 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,639 Well, Mr Chancellor, 500 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,199 this wonderful ministerial box dates around 1860. 501 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,199 - I'd... - Oh not that old thing. 502 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,639 I want this valued. 503 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,559 Oh a tenner, hmm, 504 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,199 I'd say this is worth around nine pounds. 505 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,719 As much as that. 506 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:05,600 Make that seven. 507 00:17:05,601 --> 00:17:06,719 - What? - It's gone down 508 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,839 since I last valued it, um, five. 509 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,519 That's a 31-year low. 510 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,759 Make it stop. 511 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,239 I believe that's your job. 512 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,599 Oh worthless, it's totally worthless. 513 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,839 Oh well, how about this Ming vase. 514 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:19,919 - Oops! - [vase clatters] 515 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,079 So much for a safe pair of hands. 516 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,679 [classical music] 517 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,240 [upbeat music] 518 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,120 Oh emergency, emergency! 519 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,719 I got a hair out of place. 520 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,799 What if someone Instagrams me looking like this? 521 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,320 I need an all-over touch-up. 522 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,519 You want your usual, the Simon Cowell? 523 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,119 Yes, quick, fix my bonnet! 524 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,119 I'll do three coats of black gloss paint. 525 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,959 Make it nice and stiff. 526 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,559 Oh, stop it, Rylan [giggles]. 527 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,199 Polish up your teeth. 528 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,239 That's my second-favorite grinder. 529 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,240 Oh, get it [laughs]? 530 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,319 - And your bikini line. - Sort it out down there! 531 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,559 It's like Captain Caveman's living in my tighty-whities. 532 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,319 Now top out my tan. 533 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,239 [canister hisses] 534 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,359 Oh that's better. 535 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,799 I look like a human again. 536 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,159 Laters! 537 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,719 [wind bellows] 538 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,759 Emergency, it's not holding. 539 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,239 We're gonna need to go for the full Sharon Osbourne! 540 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,919 Oh God, I'll get Madame Tussauds on the phone. 541 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,799 And quickly! 542 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,720 [Narrator] Meanwhile, George 543 00:18:23,721 --> 00:18:27,360 and Charlotte are watching a TV drama, Victoria. 544 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,519 [Woman] Oh Albert, oh, oh. 545 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,919 Bleeding hell, shut your eyes, sis. 546 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,239 You do not want to see 547 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,679 great-great-great-great-great-great-granny 548 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,080 playing tonsil tennis. 549 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,239 Someone give 'em a cold shower. 550 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,119 That has got to be the most sick-making thing 551 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,919 I've seen on TV all week. 552 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,399 Goo, goo, ga, ga. 553 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,719 Oh yeah, I forgot about Ed Balls. 554 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,639 Oi, oi, savaloy [laughs]! 555 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:51,959 [adventurous music] 556 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,759 It's been a long, hard summer. 557 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,279 And now an increasingly desperate Bear 558 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,239 is using all his survival skills 559 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,639 to find a fresh source of money. 560 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,039 So what have you got for us, Bear? 561 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,479 I've got a half-baked idea 562 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,919 about me somehow surviving something or other 563 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,399 with, I don't know, celebs or something. 564 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,439 I love it. 565 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,199 Here, have loads of cash. 566 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,039 [sighs] Bear breathes a sigh of relief. 567 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:18,119 With money to burn, he will stay warm tonight after all. 568 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,319 Light, damn you, light. 569 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,879 [fire roars] 570 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,079 So Adele, as your financial advisor, 571 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,719 I'm a little concerned about your cash flow. 572 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,599 How much did you make last year? 573 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,440 Oh I don't know, 574 00:19:30,441 --> 00:19:31,839 something like seven trillion. 575 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,159 Indeed, and yet your bank account 576 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,959 shows a balance of one pound. 577 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,879 Where has the rest gone? 578 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,999 Oh that's easy. 579 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,879 It's in my fucking swear box. 580 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:42,720 [manager coughs] 581 00:19:42,721 --> 00:19:44,079 Oh bullocks. 582 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:44,960 [manager coughs] 583 00:19:44,961 --> 00:19:46,079 Shit, not again. 584 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,999 Couldn't lend us a quid, could you, gov? 585 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,840 [slow rock music] 586 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,519 ♪ The flag's waving and I tell you I'm having ♪ 587 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,399 ♪ A ball at my rally tonight ♪ 588 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,759 ♪ Don't matter what I say ♪ 589 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,240 ♪ They still clap and chant my name ♪ 590 00:20:02,264 --> 00:20:05,599 ♪ Because the crowd I got are not so bright ♪ 591 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:06,919 ♪ You think I can't win ♪ 592 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,319 ♪ 'Cause I'm wacky, and I'm dim ♪ 593 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,439 ♪ And you know I could start World War III ♪ 594 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:12,839 ♪ And the polls are as close ♪ 595 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,239 ♪ As my views are gross ♪ 596 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,959 ♪ I've been racist, sexist ♪ 597 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,359 ♪ They call me Mr Brexit ♪ 598 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,999 What does that even mean? 599 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,279 No idea. 600 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,559 ♪ But they're still supporting me ♪ 601 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,839 ♪ Like a prat out of hell ♪ 602 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:30,199 ♪ I say paying tax is really dumb ♪ 603 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,959 ♪ Want a ban on Muslims ♪ 604 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,959 ♪ Criticize a war hero's mum, mum, mum ♪ 605 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,239 ♪ Like a prat out of hell ♪ 606 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:41,759 ♪ I won't be gone when the election comes ♪ 607 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,239 ♪ Oh the first time that I saw you ♪ 608 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,799 ♪ I thought you were a joke ♪ 609 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,759 ♪ Oh Donny Trump, oh Donny Trump ♪ 610 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,599 ♪ Talking out of your ass like a preacher on coke ♪ 611 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,319 ♪ Preacher on coke, preacher on the coke ♪ 612 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,559 ♪ Now we all know your name ♪ 613 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,039 ♪ And you're always on the news ♪ 614 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,999 ♪ Yes, they'd rather elect a talking hemorrhoid ♪ 615 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,279 ♪ Than anyone with boobs. ♪ 616 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,679 ♪ Baby, baby ♪ 617 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,719 ♪ Sounds like someone's on their period ♪ 618 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,519 Not sexist, just a healthy disgust 619 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,879 to both women [burps]. 620 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,199 ♪ Like a prat out of hell ♪ 621 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,599 ♪ I make a joke out of Hillary's health ♪ 622 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,119 ♪ Say I'd date my own daughter ♪ 623 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:18,120 ♪ I claim I didn't inherit my wealth, wealth, wealth ♪ 624 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,479 ♪ Would you praise Putin ♪ 625 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,279 ♪ Kick out anyone brown ♪ 626 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,879 ♪ And generally act like a fat, old, racist clown ♪ 627 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,879 ♪ Oh I'd do anything for votes ♪ 628 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,359 ♪ So I will do that ♪ 629 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:38,919 Terrific [burps]. 630 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,679 ♪ 'Cause I'm a prat out of hell ♪ 631 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:44,639 ♪ God help us all when November comes ♪ 632 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,239 ♪ 'Cause I'm a prat out of hell ♪ 633 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,240 ♪ If he wins, he'll blow us all to kingdom come ♪ 634 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,399 Let's make America great again, folks. 635 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,079 Missile, you're fired. 636 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,640 [alarm blares] 637 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,559 It's gonna be great. 638 00:22:04,660 --> 00:22:06,860 [upbeat music] 639 00:22:06,884 --> 00:22:09,684 -- Addic7ed.com --