1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,901
Hi! Welcome to the show! haha.

2
00:00:03,901 --> 00:00:05,808
This is is Alfie, my go-karting instructor.

3
00:00:05,808 --> 00:00:08,645
About a week ago I blessed him
with the gift of vision,

4
00:00:08,645 --> 00:00:10,044
Lending him my eyes.

5
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,335
Iet's see how he got on.
what did you see, Alfie?

6
00:00:12,335 --> 00:00:15,230
Oh, I saw many wonderful things.

7
00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:20,386
I saw pink clouds in the sky,
I saw a huge full moon,

8
00:00:20,386 --> 00:00:24,412
I saw some glorious things
by a fellow named Picasso.

9
00:00:24,412 --> 00:00:28,691
But, best of all, I saw you
shaving your balls in the mirror.

10
00:00:31,183 --> 00:00:34,927
Shave them smooth, boy,
shave those balls smooth.

11
00:01:16,569 --> 00:01:17,757
Noel, Noel...

12
00:01:17,757 --> 00:01:19,293
Noel, Noel, Noel.

13
00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:22,042
Noel, Noel, Noel.

14
00:01:22,042 --> 00:01:23,324
Yes?

15
00:01:23,324 --> 00:01:24,846
Ah, my eye!

16
00:01:24,846 --> 00:01:26,121
What did you do that for?

17
00:01:26,121 --> 00:01:27,507
There was a dusty bird.

18
00:01:27,507 --> 00:01:28,707
Right, what do you want?

19
00:01:28,707 --> 00:01:30,029
We are out of Hoover bags,

20
00:01:30,029 --> 00:01:32,679
can you get Smooth to acquire some next time he is at the shops?

21
00:01:32,679 --> 00:01:34,435
Yeah, all right, I'll let him know.

22
00:01:34,435 --> 00:01:37,490
Noel, Noel, Noel,
we are out of Hoover bags,

23
00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:40,467
can you get Smooth to acquire some
next time he is at the shops?

24
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,654
What's going on here?
There's two of you.

25
00:01:42,654 --> 00:01:46,612
You are mistaken, there is only one Andy Warhol.

26
00:01:46,612 --> 00:01:49,052
No, YOU are mistaken,
there is only one Andy warhol.

27
00:01:49,052 --> 00:01:52,083
I am the real Andy Warhol, yes, sir.

28
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:54,055
That Andy Warhol is a forgery.

29
00:01:54,055 --> 00:01:56,265
That Andy Warhol is a forgery.

30
00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:57,701
Look, clearly one of you is a forgery

31
00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:00,330
and one of you is the real
Andy Warhol, so which one is it?

32
00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:03,893
He is the forgery! He is clearly the work of Bunkavan Spreckles,

33
00:02:03,893 --> 00:02:06,462
perhaps the greatest forger in the history of art.

34
00:02:06,462 --> 00:02:07,895
Really, how do you know that?

35
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:08,987
He can't do hands.

36
00:02:10,691 --> 00:02:12,877
Oh my God, I am a forgery!

37
00:02:12,877 --> 00:02:15,892
This changes everything,
not least of all my value.

38
00:02:19,148 --> 00:02:20,695
Whyyy?

39
00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:24,200
See, I told you he was a forgery.

40
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,852
You say that, but look at your hands.

41
00:02:25,852 --> 00:02:28,656
Oh, my God, I am a forgery!

42
00:02:28,656 --> 00:02:31,545
This changes everything, not least of all my value.

43
00:02:42,316 --> 00:02:46,333
A lot of young kids come
knocking at my studio door and say,

44
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:50,347
"Tony Reason, how could we become
a music producer like you?"

45
00:02:50,347 --> 00:02:54,363
"Well, not you, Mark Ronson,
but we don't know where he lives.

46
00:03:02,087 --> 00:03:06,012
Oh, look everyone, it's Joey Ramone,
loping down the road.

47
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,360
Where are you off to, Joey?

48
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,531
CBGB's to do a gig?

49
00:03:13,531 --> 00:03:16,594
Perhaps you could squeeze me
onto the guest list?

50
00:03:16,594 --> 00:03:21,618
What's that, Joey? Johnny's already
used up all the comps?

51
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:26,635
Oh, perhaps I'll go and see Stiv
Bators from the Dead Boys instead.

52
00:03:28,707 --> 00:03:33,417
Oh, look, Joey, here comes Grandma
with a fresh basket of oat cakes.

53
00:03:35,435 --> 00:03:36,765
What's that, Joey?

54
00:03:36,765 --> 00:03:39,080
You've got a wheat allergy?

55
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:42,127
I can see that, Joey,
look at the size of your head.

56
00:03:42,127 --> 00:03:43,446
What will you do now?

57
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:50,193
Oh, Joey, pieces of your exploded
head have gone all over Grandma.

58
00:03:50,193 --> 00:03:51,894
What's that, Grandma?

59
00:03:51,894 --> 00:03:55,282
The shock of the bang
has given you an idea?

60
00:03:55,282 --> 00:03:59,046
Oh, dear, I'm not sure how
that old-fashioned gingerbread head

61
00:03:59,046 --> 00:04:02,600
will go down on
the grimy New York punk scene.

62
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:07,297
Still, better than no head at all,
isn't that right, Joey?

63
00:04:07,297 --> 00:04:10,002
Better than no head at all.

64
00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:12,312
It's a funny old world.

65
00:04:12,312 --> 00:04:13,370
Looks like grin.

66
00:04:16,902 --> 00:04:19,553
Vanducci, that's what
I'm trying to tell you -

67
00:04:19,553 --> 00:04:22,248
the goose was living
in the actual cable car!

68
00:04:22,248 --> 00:04:24,538
Hooper, why don't people listen?

69
00:04:24,538 --> 00:04:26,746
A lot of young kids come up to me
and they say,

70
00:04:26,746 --> 00:04:29,630
"Hey, Diego Maradona,
you've really let yourself go."

71
00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:31,320
Other kids come up to me and say,

72
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,822
"Sergeant Raymond Boombox?" I have
no idea how they know my name.

73
00:04:34,822 --> 00:04:36,320
"Sergeant Raymond Boombox,

74
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,738
how can we get to become
a New York cop like you?

75
00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:40,819
How do we get access to a firearm?

76
00:04:40,819 --> 00:04:43,609
I need a gun bad, you've got
to help me, yellow man!"

77
00:04:43,609 --> 00:04:46,882
And right off the bat, I would say
to them what I'd say to you,

78
00:04:46,882 --> 00:04:48,455
"You go get a perm."

79
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,665
Sounds crazy, "You go get a perm"

80
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,617
that's the first thing
you need to know and here's why.

81
00:04:53,617 --> 00:04:56,774
In 1979,
I was fresh out of rookie college.

82
00:04:56,774 --> 00:05:00,877
And, yeah, I had the long, straight
black curly hair like Black Sabbath.

83
00:05:00,877 --> 00:05:03,319
I thought I was the king
of the Hooha Men.

84
00:05:03,319 --> 00:05:05,471
# Finished with my woman

85
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:09,255
# Cos she couldn't help me
with my mind... #

86
00:05:09,255 --> 00:05:11,043
To cut a long story short,

87
00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:13,884
I was about to get my hands
on a very famous serial killer,

88
00:05:13,884 --> 00:05:17,174
the Brooklyn Ice Box Throttler.

89
00:05:17,174 --> 00:05:19,837
A maniaс who would leap
out of people's freezers

90
00:05:19,837 --> 00:05:22,260
and strangle them in their own homes

91
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,095
and then put jam on their telephones

92
00:05:24,095 --> 00:05:26,669
and listen to their radios
whilst fingering himself

93
00:05:26,669 --> 00:05:28,038
in their dressing gowns.

94
00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:30,943
Anyway, we had him cornered
in a freezer in Queens.

95
00:05:30,943 --> 00:05:33,066
# Finished with my woman

96
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,853
# Cos she couldn't help me
with my mind

97
00:05:35,854 --> 00:05:39,010
# People think I'm insane

98
00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:42,923
# Because I am frowning
all the time... #

99
00:05:45,890 --> 00:05:49,305
Anyway, he jumped out of the freezer
and we would've nailed that punk to

100
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,323
if Hooper hadn't
taken it upon himself

101
00:05:51,323 --> 00:05:52,962
to slam the fridge door shut,

102
00:05:52,962 --> 00:05:55,924
trapping my lustrous hair
as he did so.

103
00:05:55,924 --> 00:05:57,111
Argh!

104
00:05:57,111 --> 00:06:00,018
Hooper, what the hell's
got into you? He's getting away!

105
00:06:00,018 --> 00:06:04,037
- No, I mean the... popsicles were melting, when I
leave the fridge door open at home.

106
00:06:04,037 --> 00:06:06,439
Me and the kids, we never hear the end of it. Mrs Hooper, she goes crazy.

107
00:06:06,439 --> 00:06:08,858
I couldn't just stand and watch
melting popsicles,

108
00:06:08,858 --> 00:06:11,746
they were dripping everywhere,
I had to close the door. Had to do it.

109
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,886
You idiot, Hooper! What flavour
were they? No! You come back here!

110
00:06:14,886 --> 00:06:18,201
I could do nothing except watch that
serial killer skip away to freedom

111
00:06:18,201 --> 00:06:21,370
and for a New York cop, with the
worst case of piles in Europe,

112
00:06:21,370 --> 00:06:23,827
that has to be
a bad afternoon's work.

113
00:06:24,955 --> 00:06:26,659
Finally, nothing can stop me

114
00:06:26,659 --> 00:06:28,594
becoming President
of The United States.

115
00:06:28,594 --> 00:06:29,968
You come back here!

116
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,999
No... No!

117
00:06:33,999 --> 00:06:37,730
I will get you my friend, maybe not
now but in like two hours' time.

118
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,291
After we've stopped off we gotta get some crepes.

119
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:43,176
We're right near the place,
we love that place, me and Hooper.

120
00:06:43,176 --> 00:06:46,581
I'm ashamed to say that watching
the Vice-President strangled in his own home

121
00:06:46,581 --> 00:06:49,737
gave me an erection. An erection
that came from the vision

122
00:06:49,737 --> 00:06:53,323
of an honourable man being destroyed
in his own front room.

123
00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:56,234
What's wrong with me?!
I'm a sick pervert!

124
00:06:56,234 --> 00:06:58,896
Hooper, it used to be nuns
and schoolgirls,

125
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:02,300
now it's honourable men being
destroyed in their own homes!

126
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,113
And that's why New York cops
should get perms.

127
00:07:05,113 --> 00:07:08,913
If you think you have what it takes
to get a perm, call this number.

128
00:07:08,913 --> 00:07:12,465
02, 34, 97.

129
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:15,687
What the hell are you doing you
nincompoop?! That's my home number!

130
00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:18,728
Hooper, you switch
the camera off. Hooper! Hooper!

131
00:07:18,728 --> 00:07:21,305
Hooper, are you in a trance?

132
00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:24,015
- No, I mean.. it's just my hair's trapped
under the seat. I can't move.

133
00:07:24,015 --> 00:07:25,789
I told you to get a perm, Hooper.

134
00:07:25,789 --> 00:07:29,162
That's what the whole goddamn piece
is about - perms in the Force!

135
00:07:29,162 --> 00:07:30,502
What's wrong with you?

136
00:07:30,502 --> 00:07:34,117
Join the force but get a perm,
don't be like Hooper, he's an idiot.

137
00:07:34,117 --> 00:07:37,982
Phone the number, not that number,
that's my own goddamn number.

138
00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:43,610
Hooper got his hair caught!
Hooper got his hair caught!

139
00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:46,296
Hooper shaved his pubes off!

140
00:07:46,296 --> 00:07:49,098
Hooper loves his mummy!

141
00:07:49,098 --> 00:07:50,993
You shut up, you imbecile.

142
00:07:50,993 --> 00:07:54,440
Hooper, you have that edited
together for first thing tomorrow morning.

143
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,729
I gotta go,
it's my wife's bowling night.

144
00:07:56,729 --> 00:07:57,964
I mean I could edit that

145
00:07:57,964 --> 00:08:00,460
but the programme I use to edit
is in my brother's car.

146
00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:03,232
I mean.. I could do it at the weekend.
When does this have to be in?

147
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,809
I was going to take the kids
camping out on the lakes.

148
00:08:05,809 --> 00:08:07,866
It's beautiful down there.
The fishing's divine.

149
00:08:07,866 --> 00:08:10,878
My wife caught a barracuda one time.
Hah! Imagine that - barracuda!

150
00:08:10,878 --> 00:08:13,777
First time she ever held a rod,
she catches a three hundred pound monster.

151
00:08:13,777 --> 00:08:16,461
Doesn't surprise me.
That's the kind of woman she is.

152
00:08:16,461 --> 00:08:19,406
I mean, I knew the first day
I met her, we danced and we kissed..

153
00:08:19,406 --> 00:08:22,422
And I said it to Dave: "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with this woman. That's for sure."

154
00:08:22,422 --> 00:08:24,529
Dave said, "You always say that!"

155
00:08:24,529 --> 00:08:27,135
I said, "No, really. I got a feeling this time,
we're gonna get married."

156
00:08:27,135 --> 00:08:28,932
Dave says, "What weekend is that?"

157
00:08:28,932 --> 00:08:31,602
I said, "What do you mean
what weekend is that, you idiot?! We just met!

158
00:08:31,602 --> 00:08:33,351
No, I just got a feeling, that's all."

159
00:08:33,351 --> 00:08:35,378
And Dave says,
"Well, as it's not the weekend  of April 4th,

160
00:08:35,378 --> 00:08:37,693
'cause that's
my wife's sister's birthday.

161
00:08:37,693 --> 00:08:41,038
I mean, I don't wanna go but I have to
go. You know, family, mememe, blah, blah, blah."

162
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:52,640
All bleeding coming together, innit?
All bleeding coming together.

163
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,871
Worked it out, haven't I?
This ain't it.

164
00:08:54,871 --> 00:08:57,396
I'm in quarantine, aren't I,
bleeding quarantine.

165
00:08:57,397 --> 00:09:01,379
Just got to keep my head down, wait
for my transfer to me bigger digs.

166
00:09:01,379 --> 00:09:04,532
Imagine that, it'll be huge,
there'll be female lions.

167
00:09:04,532 --> 00:09:08,091
I'll get my own company car,
be able to go and come as I please.

168
00:09:08,091 --> 00:09:10,248
All bleeding coming together.

169
00:09:10,248 --> 00:09:13,932
Probably be real cigarettes,
won't have to do this as much.

170
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:16,503
Yeah, all bleeding coming together.

171
00:09:19,002 --> 00:09:20,544
Who are you?

172
00:09:20,544 --> 00:09:24,176
I am Allen Key, quite literally
the key to your freedom.

173
00:09:24,176 --> 00:09:26,312
Wait a minute, I know who you are..

174
00:09:26,312 --> 00:09:29,827
You're that famous artist geezer,
aren't you? You're Jeff Koons.

175
00:09:29,827 --> 00:09:34,500
I am most certainly not Jeff Koons!
I am the world famous Andy Warhol.

176
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:36,741
I bleeding love Jeff Koons' stuff.

177
00:09:36,741 --> 00:09:38,905
He is OK,
but he is not in my league.

178
00:09:38,905 --> 00:09:42,226
Oh, really? His balloon animal
sculptures? I thought, they were blinding.

179
00:09:42,226 --> 00:09:43,759
They were overrated.

180
00:09:43,759 --> 00:09:46,683
I think history's going
to be very kind to Jeff Koons.

181
00:09:46,683 --> 00:09:48,015
Will you shut up about Jeff Koons?!

182
00:09:48,015 --> 00:09:51,351
All right, keep your silver wig on!
What do you want anyway, pal?

183
00:09:51,351 --> 00:09:55,118
Listen, I am Allen Key and
I am here to help you, Dondylion.

184
00:09:55,118 --> 00:09:58,694
Help me? Don't need any help, do I?
All bleeding coming together, innit?

185
00:09:58,694 --> 00:10:00,860
It is far from
coming together, Dondylion.

186
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:04,245
It is about as far from coming
together as is humanly possible.

187
00:10:04,245 --> 00:10:06,078
Do you want
to know what happens to  you?

188
00:10:06,078 --> 00:10:08,924
In July, you suffer
from severe weight loss.

189
00:10:08,924 --> 00:10:11,491
Well, I do go up and down
with me weight, I'm like Oprah.

190
00:10:11,491 --> 00:10:14,505
In September, you die
from a rare form of lion AIDS.

191
00:10:14,505 --> 00:10:17,820
In December, you are buried out
the back by a simpleton.

192
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:19,446
There is no funeral.

193
00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:22,931
You have to choose Dondylion,
between lion AIDS and freedom.

194
00:10:22,931 --> 00:10:26,240
Lion AIDS and freedom.

195
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,390
I don't want lion AIDS, do I?
Who wants bleeding lion AIDS?

196
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:30,569
Choose freedom.

197
00:10:30,569 --> 00:10:32,525
I will, what I have to do, fill out a form?

198
00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:35,059
No, put me in the lock
and twist me, Dondylion.

199
00:10:35,059 --> 00:10:37,630
Alright! I`m gonna twist you up,
you silver bitch.

200
00:10:42,589 --> 00:10:44,031
This is more like it.

201
00:10:44,031 --> 00:10:46,363
Climb over the wall to freedom.

202
00:10:57,373 --> 00:11:00,974
Dave, you got here quick,
got here before me.

203
00:11:00,974 --> 00:11:02,623
Are you ready for freedom?

204
00:11:06,691 --> 00:11:09,528
We've made it, Dave!
We've bleeding made it!

205
00:11:09,528 --> 00:11:14,117
Look at freedom. Look at it, Dave!
Look at the trees, look at the sky,

206
00:11:14,117 --> 00:11:16,858
Look at the tiny ants
on the pavement.

207
00:11:16,858 --> 00:11:18,769
All bleeding came together.

208
00:11:20,171 --> 00:11:23,686
Let's go and get ourselves
a healthy dose of freedom.

209
00:11:25,963 --> 00:11:26,930
Oops.

210
00:11:28,056 --> 00:11:30,189
It's all...

211
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:31,178
bleeding...

212
00:11:32,255 --> 00:11:33,199
..coming...

213
00:11:34,534 --> 00:11:36,377
..together.

214
00:11:39,035 --> 00:11:40,931
# Hey, na, na, na

215
00:11:40,931 --> 00:11:43,087
# Hoo, no, no, na-hey, na, na

216
00:11:43,087 --> 00:11:44,909
# Hey, na, na, na

217
00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:47,673
# Hoo, no, no, na-hey, na, na... #

218
00:11:51,815 --> 00:11:54,378
Ha-ha! That's that album complete. (Dead Lions: Official Sticker Album)

219
00:11:54,378 --> 00:11:57,412
File that will you next to the
tapirs who went blind in the '70s.

220
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:58,681
OK.

221
00:11:58,681 --> 00:12:01,866
Just one more thing. I couldn't help
noticing you playing a key in that last scene.

222
00:12:01,866 --> 00:12:02,630
Yes.

223
00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:03,956
Yeah. How did you get that gig?

224
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:06,095
I fingered the casting director.

225
00:12:06,095 --> 00:12:09,207
Martin?! He's about 60!

226
00:12:09,207 --> 00:12:11,528
In this business,
you've got to do what it takes.

227
00:12:11,528 --> 00:12:13,564
As long as it isn't affect
your cleaning work.

228
00:12:13,564 --> 00:12:15,213
Fuck you, I'm a star.

229
00:12:18,033 --> 00:12:19,648
# Ooh, yeah #

230
00:12:23,684 --> 00:12:26,803
He came from the suburbs
with a huge feline head

231
00:12:26,803 --> 00:12:29,198
and a searching
red arrow for a penis.

232
00:12:29,198 --> 00:12:30,445
Nobody is safe from...

233
00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:33,923
The Tiger with Chlamydia.

234
00:12:33,923 --> 00:12:35,367
Dum, dum, dum!

235
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,055
Priests...

236
00:12:38,055 --> 00:12:38,955
Oh, please!

237
00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:39,731
Horses...

238
00:12:39,731 --> 00:12:41,254
Neigh!

239
00:12:41,254 --> 00:12:42,525
School children.

240
00:12:42,525 --> 00:12:43,926
Blimey! Leave it out.

241
00:12:43,926 --> 00:12:47,942
No, thank you, sir, I already
have it. Come along, children.

242
00:12:50,076 --> 00:12:51,608
Unbelievable!

243
00:12:51,608 --> 00:12:54,805
Even Snake Plissken from "Escape
From New York" seen here

244
00:12:54,805 --> 00:12:56,884
enjoying a frappuccino.

245
00:12:56,884 --> 00:13:01,752
You can run but you can't hide
from The Tiger with Chlamydia.

246
00:13:01,752 --> 00:13:04,113
Dum, dum, dum!

247
00:13:04,113 --> 00:13:06,998
If you see the tiger in your area,
contact this number immediately.

248
00:13:06,998 --> 00:13:09,172
If you haven't already contracted the disease,

249
00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:13,629
waste no time in sending off for
your own personal chlamydia helmet,

250
00:13:13,629 --> 00:13:18,464
the only survival way to protect yourself from The Tiger with Chlamydia.

251
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,901
Dum, dum, dum!

252
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,153
# Me and my flamingo...

253
00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:27,562
# we're off to Tesco Metro

254
00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:32,060
# Me and my flamingo...

255
00:13:34,198 --> 00:13:36,996
# Rolling up and down the road

256
00:13:38,262 --> 00:13:40,745
# But we've had a little fight

257
00:13:40,745 --> 00:13:43,395
# And now we're walking
in single file

258
00:13:43,395 --> 00:13:45,667
# Single file

259
00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:49,438
# Oh-oh, single file

260
00:13:49,438 --> 00:13:52,087
# Oh-oh...

261
00:13:52,087 --> 00:13:56,455
# Me and my flamingo

262
00:13:56,455 --> 00:14:00,529
# Have made the pepper all go

263
00:14:00,529 --> 00:14:03,100
# Me and my flamingo

264
00:14:04,872 --> 00:14:07,523
# we're off to Tesco Metro

265
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,663
# But it's flared up again

266
00:14:11,663 --> 00:14:14,246
# And now you're putting
on one of your shows.

267
00:14:14,246 --> 00:14:16,786
# Crying from my eyes.

268
00:14:16,786 --> 00:14:18,953
# Crying from my hundred eyes.. 
(one of your shows)

269
00:14:18,953 --> 00:14:21,049
# Crying from my eyes

270
00:14:21,049 --> 00:14:22,550
# Crying from my hundred... #

271
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:28,536
Ok, great, I think we can probably use that in its entirety.

272
00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:32,326
You guys pop out for lunch. I'll give Dave Rowntree a text

273
00:14:32,326 --> 00:14:35,250
and see if he wants to come in and beef up the drums.

274
00:14:37,531 --> 00:14:39,954
I understand you do your own percussion.

275
00:14:39,954 --> 00:14:42,188
In many respects you are your own percussion,

276
00:14:42,188 --> 00:14:44,810
but I just think if the track stays in that state,

277
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:47,482
we won't get any radio airplay.

278
00:14:47,482 --> 00:14:51,012
No, Kenny Loggins is a terrible example.

279
00:14:51,012 --> 00:14:54,060
There's no call for that language.

280
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,575
Unbelievable,
bloody country and western singers.

281
00:15:00,848 --> 00:15:04,244
Well, you completely lost control
of that situation.

282
00:15:04,244 --> 00:15:09,307
It escalated, didn't it? Quick,
spiralled, out of control.

283
00:15:09,307 --> 00:15:10,959
Oh, great, here we go.

284
00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:14,232
I just thought I'd swoop in
and see how my old mucker's doing.

285
00:15:14,232 --> 00:15:15,503
Oh, really?

286
00:15:15,503 --> 00:15:17,138
Which is not that well.

287
00:15:17,138 --> 00:15:21,322
The thing is, all I was saying was, "Diamond Back, laid down a track!"

288
00:15:21,322 --> 00:15:24,859
- I just wanted to put some drums in. And that was so. 
 - Right.
 - It's not a big deal, is it?

289
00:15:24,859 --> 00:15:27,300
I mean he doesn't have to get all divarish, does he?

290
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:28,971
Hasn't even have a song out yet. Yeah?

291
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,099
Yeah.

292
00:15:30,099 --> 00:15:32,134
He's not Lady Gaga, is he?

293
00:15:32,134 --> 00:15:34,466
No, well, who is?

294
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:36,188
Lady Gaga.

295
00:15:36,188 --> 00:15:38,218
Well, yeah. I mean, other than her.

296
00:15:38,218 --> 00:15:41,023
The point is I just thought it needed some extra drums.

297
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:44,039
And I was just about to persuade him when you came crashing in,

298
00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:45,574
you big hammerhead.

299
00:15:45,574 --> 00:15:49,132
All right, no need to call a brother
out on what he looks like.

300
00:15:49,132 --> 00:15:52,466
I don't say how flat your face is,
which is very, by the way.

301
00:15:52,466 --> 00:15:54,906
All I was gonna do was to get Dave Rowntree in.

302
00:15:54,906 --> 00:15:56,869
What? Don't get a ginger drummer.

303
00:15:56,869 --> 00:15:59,373
Yeah, I mean.. he looks like a Scotch egg wearing glasses.

304
00:15:59,373 --> 00:16:02,384
But when guy's a ballsy drummer. He is a balls out drummer.

305
00:16:02,384 --> 00:16:05,413
He pours sawdust down, takes his pants off

306
00:16:05,413 --> 00:16:07,422
and picks up his sticks

307
00:16:07,422 --> 00:16:09,880
and he just beats the shit out of that kit.

308
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,471
Do not get a ginger drummer.

309
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,871
He lives round the corner, he's a solid drummer.

310
00:16:13,871 --> 00:16:15,170
Do not get a ginger drummer.

311
00:16:15,170 --> 00:16:16,295
He's a solid drummer.

312
00:16:16,295 --> 00:16:17,422
They're bad news.

313
00:16:17,422 --> 00:16:18,158
What do you mean?

314
00:16:18,158 --> 00:16:20,180
They get very hot, you can't use a red backdrop

315
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:20,890
otherwise they disappear.

316
00:16:20,890 --> 00:16:21,863
That's true, actually.

317
00:16:21,863 --> 00:16:23,312
It's just sticks and eyes.

318
00:16:23,312 --> 00:16:25,081
I know where you're coming from.

319
00:16:25,081 --> 00:16:27,159
I used to work with Cream, did their live album.

320
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:31,228
Ginger Baker used to get so hot, after the gigs

321
00:16:31,228 --> 00:16:33,588
Jack Bruse used to use him as a desk lamp.

322
00:16:33,588 --> 00:16:36,534
Well, he looks like a lava lamp
once he gets going, doesn't he?

323
00:16:36,534 --> 00:16:38,614
They did used to take him to parties,

324
00:16:38,614 --> 00:16:40,195
turn him upside down.

325
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,417
I quite enjoyed that.

326
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,430
Really? I thought it was racist.

327
00:16:55,579 --> 00:17:00,329
I came here in 1949
with my Spanish brothers.

328
00:17:00,329 --> 00:17:04,809
In those days we were see-through
and our heads tapered into a point.

329
00:17:04,809 --> 00:17:08,836
Can you understand why we're here?
It's because we need to be.

330
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:22,901
Mate. Pass me the biro, mate.

331
00:17:22,643 --> 00:17:23,601
What's that supposed to mean?

332
00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:25,136
It's my Australian accent.

333
00:17:25,136 --> 00:17:25,958
Do it again.

334
00:17:25,958 --> 00:17:28,306
Pass me the biro, mate.

335
00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:30,565
Pass me the biro.

336
00:17:30,565 --> 00:17:32,742
Look. Mate, pass me the biro.
Boo, boo.

337
00:17:32,742 --> 00:17:35,760
Pass me the biro, mate.

338
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,334
(MAKES GUNFIRE NOISES)

339
00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:40,720
Pass me the biro.

340
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,234
Quick, mate! Pass me the biro.

341
00:17:44,624 --> 00:17:47,174
Mate, pass me the biro.

342
00:17:47,174 --> 00:17:49,054
Can't you see what's
happening, mate?

343
00:17:49,054 --> 00:17:52,403
Don't just stare at me, mate. Mate,
you're just looking through me! Mate!

344
00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:54,663
Please, you gotta help me! Ow!

345
00:17:54,663 --> 00:17:57,029
Oh, For God's sake, I've got chlamydia.

346
00:17:57,029 --> 00:17:58,786
Dum, dum, dum...

347
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,254
Look! Calm down!

348
00:18:01,050 --> 00:18:02,885
What do you mean, 'calm down'? Look at me!

349
00:18:02,885 --> 00:18:04,880
I'll have to walk
around town now all week

350
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,117
in a chlamydia outfit.

351
00:18:06,117 --> 00:18:07,642
Just get some antibiotics.

352
00:18:07,642 --> 00:18:10,097
It's not fair. Why do I always get
chlamydia and not you?

353
00:18:10,097 --> 00:18:12,891
You should get yourself a chlamydia helmet. Have you seen the adverts?

354
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:15,574
It's the only sure fair way to protect yourself from...

355
00:18:15,574 --> 00:18:18,013
The Tiger with Chlamydia.

356
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,787
Dum, dum, dum...

357
00:18:21,843 --> 00:18:24,004
Pass me the biro, mate.

358
00:18:25,211 --> 00:18:26,897
Mate, please, pass me the biro.

359
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:30,094
Mate, I've got chlamydia.
Pass me the biro.

360
00:18:35,249 --> 00:18:36,732
You know who you should call?

361
00:18:36,732 --> 00:18:37,940
Who?

362
00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:39,019
Collins.

363
00:18:39,019 --> 00:18:40,407
Oh, not the C-man.

364
00:18:40,407 --> 00:18:41,981
That's right, Collins.

365
00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:44,700
There's only one C-man drummer,
and that's Copeland.

366
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:49,073
I don't trust blonde bands,
there aren't any

367
00:18:49,073 --> 00:18:50,648
that are any good.

368
00:18:50,648 --> 00:18:53,363
There are some
good blonde musicians.

369
00:18:53,363 --> 00:18:56,047
Yeah, individual musicians,
but get three of them together

370
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:58,897
and you get that kind
of clusterfuck like The Police.

371
00:18:58,897 --> 00:19:00,842
And, you know, it's just no good.

372
00:19:02,423 --> 00:19:05,983
Sting is a close personal friend
of mine, I won't take that.

373
00:19:05,983 --> 00:19:10,876
When did that motherfucker
become like some medieval minstrel?

374
00:19:10,876 --> 00:19:14,799
He can't do a chat show without
whipping out a lute these days.

375
00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:16,610
He's just broadening his range.

376
00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,370
I don't like Sting.

377
00:19:18,370 --> 00:19:19,992
I think he's
a bad bass player.

378
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:24,233
You wanted to produce Regatta de
Blanc and Sting turned to me.

379
00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,939
The guy can't do reggae,
let it go.

380
00:19:26,939 --> 00:19:29,371
What do you mean,
the guy can't do reggae?

381
00:19:29,371 --> 00:19:31,103
He built a career
on doing reggae!

382
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,988
White reggae is a powerful
piece of business.

383
00:19:33,988 --> 00:19:37,134
When done by three white men
it sounds different.

384
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,396
Yeah, great,
when Bob Marley does it,

385
00:19:39,396 --> 00:19:40,793
it sounds authentic,

386
00:19:40,793 --> 00:19:43,210
but when you get three
white guys doing reggae

387
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:45,342
you can't beat that sound.

388
00:19:45,342 --> 00:19:46,673
Yeah, well.

389
00:19:46,673 --> 00:19:49,387
Anyway I've to go,
pick the kids up from school.

390
00:19:49,387 --> 00:19:51,588
Do you mind picking up my lot?

391
00:19:51,588 --> 00:19:54,413
No, no, it's fine.
Do you mind if I take your Jeep?

392
00:19:54,413 --> 00:19:57,815
Sure, yeah, but fill it up this
time, do you know what I mean,

393
00:19:57,815 --> 00:19:59,838
don't take the piss.

394
00:19:59,838 --> 00:20:02,264
Unbelievable, so tight,
you and Collins.

395
00:20:02,264 --> 00:20:03,700
Well, that thing...

396
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:05,711
Worth a fortune,
the pair of you.

397
00:20:05,711 --> 00:20:07,470
Always counting every last penny.

398
00:20:07,470 --> 00:20:09,770
Well, it takes about 110 a tank.

399
00:20:09,770 --> 00:20:12,556
No-one asked you, did they,
to get a Jeep that size.

400
00:20:12,556 --> 00:20:13,886
Well, I didn't know, did I?

401
00:20:13,886 --> 00:20:16,404
It's like a battle station.

402
00:20:16,404 --> 00:20:19,164
You feel very safe in it
though, don't you?

403
00:20:19,164 --> 00:20:20,483
You do, actually.

404
00:20:20,483 --> 00:20:22,542
And that's important, safety.

405
00:20:25,131 --> 00:20:27,110
See you, then.

406
00:20:29,407 --> 00:20:32,462
I mean, I quite like the hat,
but the outfit's ridiculous,

407
00:20:32,462 --> 00:20:35,215
the gusset's nearly on the floor.

408
00:20:46,673 --> 00:20:50,250
See, I'm always prepared, not like you, you're reckless like a child.

409
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,387
Not only have I got this helmet, this watch stops if you get lupus.

410
00:20:54,907 --> 00:20:56,801
These clogs protect me from typhoid.

411
00:20:56,801 --> 00:20:58,439
Typhoid clogs?

412
00:21:08,137 --> 00:21:11,104
That's why I'm much more successful than you, financially,

413
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,988
and among the ladies.

414
00:21:12,988 --> 00:21:16,821
The ladies. You mean the Sheilas?
Pass me the biro, mate.

415
00:21:16,821 --> 00:21:19,673
Hey you.

416
00:21:19,673 --> 00:21:21,173
Oh, I've got shinsplints!

417
00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:25,055
Haha! You look like an idiot!

418
00:21:27,892 --> 00:21:30,910
Oh, my God, look at the state
of your outfits,

419
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:33,329
you look absolutely ridiculous.

420
00:21:33,329 --> 00:21:35,746
Yeah, alright! Don't go on about it, alright?
I've got chlamyds

421
00:21:35,746 --> 00:21:37,452
and he's got shin splints.

422
00:21:37,452 --> 00:21:39,942
Just get a helmet
and some special rubber pants.

423
00:21:39,942 --> 00:21:41,242
Have you not see the ad farts?

424
00:21:41,242 --> 00:21:42,040
The what?

425
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,101
The ad farts.

426
00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:44,011
Sorry, the what?

427
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:45,493
The ad farts.

428
00:21:45,493 --> 00:21:46,667
The head farts?*
(adverts)

429
00:21:46,667 --> 00:21:49,147
Just get a special helmet,
why don't you?

430
00:21:49,147 --> 00:21:51,103
STRETCHING

431
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:55,404
Oh, my God, is this even a disease?

432
00:21:55,404 --> 00:21:59,265
Oh, my God! It's not fair,
I haven't seen the ad fart.

433
00:22:09,451 --> 00:22:10,377
Hello...

434
00:22:10,377 --> 00:22:12,668
That is not a disease, ma'am,
that is a perm.

435
00:22:12,668 --> 00:22:15,171
You've been recruited to
the New York Police Force.

436
00:22:15,171 --> 00:22:19,386
Now you report to your local precinct.
6am for weapons training.

437
00:22:19,386 --> 00:22:21,891
Oh, come on, I can't get up
that early,

438
00:22:21,891 --> 00:22:23,681
besides I already have a job.

439
00:22:23,681 --> 00:22:25,319
Oh, really? what is it you do, ma'am?

440
00:22:25,319 --> 00:22:26,325
I'm a slasher.

441
00:22:26,325 --> 00:22:27,475
A what?

442
00:22:27,475 --> 00:22:30,425
You know, a DJ, slash,
knitwear designer, slash, model..

443
00:22:30,425 --> 00:22:33,169
Plus I do pop-up stores where
I sell my own jewellery.

444
00:22:33,169 --> 00:22:34,585
Ma'am, with all due respect

445
00:22:34,585 --> 00:22:36,880
none of those things
are real jobs, OK, you tit.

446
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,531
You get out there and start
solving crimes, thank you.

447
00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,886
Hooper! I recruited another one.

448
00:22:42,887 --> 00:22:47,026
I mean, is that even legal, poking
people with your yellow arrow penis?

449
00:22:47,026 --> 00:22:51,178
Hooperoony, you are so innocent, in this job you do what you got to do.

450
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,766
What the hell is this?

451
00:22:58,591 --> 00:23:03,699
That, my friend, is good
old-fashioned 1960s gonorrhoea.

452
00:23:04,956 --> 00:23:09,282
Hooper, phone Mrs Boombox and tell
her to cancel our anniversary meal.

453
00:23:09,282 --> 00:23:11,482
In fact.. tell her I died
in the line of duty.

454
00:23:11,482 --> 00:23:13,041
She cannot see me like this.

455
00:23:13,041 --> 00:23:15,495
I saw you.

456
00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,963
I see everything.

457
00:23:23,105 --> 00:23:25,674
# Got to go now,
it's the end of the show

458
00:23:25,674 --> 00:23:27,828
# Got to go now,
it's the end of the show

459
00:23:27,828 --> 00:23:30,242
# Bye-bye now,
it's the end of the show

460
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:32,411
# Bye-bye now,
it's the end of the show

461
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,793
# Come back next for another show

462
00:23:34,793 --> 00:23:37,088
# You've got to come back for
another show

463
00:23:37,088 --> 00:23:38,128
# Bye-bye

464
00:23:38,128 --> 00:23:40,291
# Baby, bye-bye

465
00:23:40,291 --> 00:23:42,136
# Baby, bye-bye

466
00:23:42,136 --> 00:23:43,899
# Baby, bye-bye. #

467
00:23:43,909 --> 00:23:48,909
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