1
00:00:42,752 --> 00:00:45,752
(BELL) Ding-a-ling

2
00:00:47,582 --> 00:00:50,582
Seen this? Unbelievable,
check it out.

3
00:00:54,462 --> 00:00:57,462


4
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:03,020
Bryan Ferry with a kite for a head -
absolutely genius.

5
00:01:03,359 --> 00:01:05,444
Yeah, it's good,
but have you seen this?

6
00:01:07,015 --> 00:01:07,930
What is that?

7
00:01:07,931 --> 00:01:09,273
Brian Eno Frisbee.

8
00:01:09,274 --> 00:01:12,274
Brian Eno Frisbee? Oh,
what is wrong with everyone?

9
00:01:12,845 --> 00:01:13,975
What do you mean?

10
00:01:13,976 --> 00:01:16,976
Well, it's always the same,
as soon as you mention Bryan Ferry

11
00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:20,270
someone always has to chip in
with a little Brian Eno nugget.

12
00:01:20,495 --> 00:01:21,699
So you don't like Eno?

13
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:24,204
Of course I love Brian Eno,
I'm not an idiot.

14
00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:26,188
But I'm talking about Ferry
at the moment

15
00:01:26,189 --> 00:01:29,189
and I think that Ferry has done
enough as a Brian in his own right

16
00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:32,350
not to be compared to Eno
at every turn.

17
00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:35,351
I like both Brians equally
and I think that everyone should.

18
00:01:35,985 --> 00:01:37,117
What are you getting so angry about?

19
00:01:37,118 --> 00:01:38,754
I don't know, it's just that I went

20
00:01:38,755 --> 00:01:41,755
"Look, Bryan Ferry with a kite for
a head," which is an amazing thing,

21
00:01:42,484 --> 00:01:45,484
and you immediately went, "Oh, look,
I've got a Brian Eno Frisbee."

22
00:01:50,349 --> 00:01:52,440
That is quite good, though,
actually.

23
00:01:52,441 --> 00:01:53,480
Check this out.

24
00:01:54,528 --> 00:01:55,919
What's happening there?

25
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,894
You've got your hummus here,
your Pitas here,

26
00:01:58,895 --> 00:02:00,289
and your olives over here.

27
00:02:00,290 --> 00:02:03,181
Wow, I get it, you're in the park,
you're having frisbee fun,

28
00:02:03,182 --> 00:02:06,182
you get a bit tired, you sit down,
you've got a portable picnic.

29
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,260
(LAUGHS) Wait a minute, when you
throw it, doesn't all the food just

30
00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:12,242
come out and sort of fly into
toddlers' eyes?

31
00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:13,542
You'd think that, but no.

32
00:02:13,543 --> 00:02:14,535
No? Why not?

33
00:02:14,536 --> 00:02:15,933
Magnetic hummus.

34
00:02:15,934 --> 00:02:18,694
Oh, magnetic hummus!

35
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,156
Only Eno could come out with
a concept like that.

36
00:02:23,157 --> 00:02:24,482
One of the best Brians
who's ever lived.

37
00:02:24,483 --> 00:02:26,334
Yeah, along with Bryan Ferry.

38
00:02:26,335 --> 00:02:28,042
Whatever, feed Tony, will you?

39
00:02:28,043 --> 00:02:31,043
All right, I will feed Tony.
I'm going to give him an olive.

40
00:02:43,272 --> 00:02:45,544
If I had to choose between the two
Brians,

41
00:02:45,545 --> 00:02:47,481
and I really would hate to do so,

42
00:02:47,482 --> 00:02:49,811
I would have to err
on the side of Eno.

43
00:02:49,812 --> 00:02:51,881
Oh, Tony you ball bag.

44
00:02:51,882 --> 00:02:54,882
No, I mean, I love Bryan Ferry,
of course I do, I love his solo work,

45
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:58,262
I even bought a vintage lamp of him, he's a great guy.

46
00:02:58,871 --> 00:03:01,110
But for me, it'll always be about
Brian Eno,

47
00:03:01,111 --> 00:03:03,154
he's a wonderful Producer.

48
00:03:03,155 --> 00:03:06,155
I remember I was working with a huge,
mega-huge rock band in the '80s,

49
00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:09,631
and we were really stuck
in the studio

50
00:03:09,632 --> 00:03:12,632
and the record company were leaning
on us to get out another single.

51
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,849
So I Phoned up Brian Eno to see
if he could help.

52
00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:18,850
An hour later, he rushes in wearing
clown shoes

53
00:03:18,927 --> 00:03:21,927
and tips a pasta bake over everyone.

54
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:25,583
Now, you might think this is
the reckless, insignificant behaviour

55
00:03:26,158 --> 00:03:29,158
of an egomaniac,
but 20 minutes later,

56
00:03:29,862 --> 00:03:32,862
Gene Simmons reaches for his guitar
and pens Crazy Crazy Nights.

57
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,321
Pasta bake coincidence?

58
00:03:36,322 --> 00:03:39,322
Or the work of
the greatest living Brian?

59
00:03:39,974 --> 00:03:42,974
Pasta bake coincidence.

60
00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:48,307
Philistine.

61
00:03:51,627 --> 00:03:54,627
Fish finger for Jenga, fish finger
for a game of Jenga. (LAUGHS)

62
00:03:58,260 --> 00:04:01,260
Careful now, I saw that tower wobbling, wobbling, wobbling.

63
00:04:02,978 --> 00:04:05,978
Like sleeping oblong goblins.

64
00:04:07,144 --> 00:04:10,144
Cheating in a game of breadcrumb Jenga!

65
00:04:11,922 --> 00:04:14,922
Cheating in a game of breadcrumb Jenga!

66
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:18,754
I've fractured images of a life
that I can't quite remember.

67
00:04:47,237 --> 00:04:50,237
Helen Daniels,
infiltrating the structure.

68
00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:54,330
Helen Daniels running amok
in the delicate ecosystem

69
00:04:56,058 --> 00:04:58,931
that is my mechanical
stomach hole.

70
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,884
This is a code red, Jersey Royal alert.

71
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:04,885
Notify all relevant authorities

72
00:05:04,916 --> 00:05:07,916
and book tickets for the ice skating.

73
00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:11,125
Help. Help. Help.

74
00:05:12,198 --> 00:05:15,198
Activating Doo-Cloth.

75
00:05:20,369 --> 00:05:22,918
Hello Doo-Rag.

76
00:05:22,919 --> 00:05:25,919
Hello Doo-Cloth. Did you have a good holiday?

77
00:05:25,982 --> 00:05:28,749
I couldn't really unwind
for the first week,

78
00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:31,750
but once I did,
I had a really good time.

79
00:05:31,770 --> 00:05:34,770
I just loved getting the sun
with a Barbara Cartland novel.

80
00:05:35,787 --> 00:05:37,856
What seems to be the problem?

81
00:05:37,857 --> 00:05:39,795
It's Helen Daniels again,

82
00:05:39,796 --> 00:05:42,796
she's infiltrating the infrastructure.

83
00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:45,898
That goddamn bitch, I know exactly
how to deal with her.

84
00:06:06,928 --> 00:06:09,928
That should do it.

85
00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:13,617
Potato waffle Alcatraz.

86
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,710
Helen Daniels gone to the big house.

87
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:19,711
Cheating in a game of breadcrumb Jenga!

88
00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:23,610
Moondog's Viking helmet
glistening in a humid December.

89
00:06:32,117 --> 00:06:35,117
And in the blue corner it's
Kite Headed Ferry

90
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:37,922
and in the red corner,
Brian Eno Frisbee.

91
00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:39,819
And they've come together

92
00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:42,820
and it's Kite Headed Ferry on top of
things at the moment.

93
00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,839
Kite Headed Ferry's all over Eno,
Pummelling him.

94
00:06:45,945 --> 00:06:48,945
Oh, but what's this?
Brian Eno Frisbee has Produced

95
00:06:49,855 --> 00:06:52,608
a pair of scissors from deep within
his golden mullet.

96
00:06:54,468 --> 00:06:57,468
And it's all over! Brian Eno Frisbee
is the winner,

97
00:06:58,365 --> 00:07:01,365
Proving himself to be the greatest
of all the Brians.

98
00:07:01,697 --> 00:07:04,697
This fight was brought to you
in association with magnetic hummus,

99
00:07:04,999 --> 00:07:07,999
available in all good supermarkets
Priced 3.99.

100
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,687
Oh, Brian, you are wounded.
Someone has decapitated you.

101
00:07:24,751 --> 00:07:27,291
No, you are safe now, don't worry,

102
00:07:27,292 --> 00:07:30,292
I will fix you in my soundproof
underground chamber.

103
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,100
Shush, shush, don't be frightened,
Bryan.

104
00:07:48,595 --> 00:07:51,595
Hello, Joey. What's wrong, Joey?
You look awfully upset.

105
00:07:54,249 --> 00:07:57,049
What's that? The tram
system's broken down?

106
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:59,227
And you've got no money for a taxi?

107
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:02,228
And you've got a gig at CBGBs,
you'll never make it in time?

108
00:08:04,698 --> 00:08:07,698
Oh, dear, Joey,
is that why you're crying?

109
00:08:08,206 --> 00:08:09,819
What's that, Joey?

110
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,820
You're not crying, you've got
a bad case of conjunctivitis?

111
00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:17,593
Oh, look, Joey! A huge bird has flown
down from the sky,

112
00:08:19,426 --> 00:08:22,426
grabbed you by your tiny Punk lapels
and is carrying you off to CBGBs.

113
00:08:24,978 --> 00:08:27,978
You see, Joey? You never can tell,
you never can tell.

114
00:08:29,832 --> 00:08:32,766
There were no need for tears,
after all.

115
00:08:32,767 --> 00:08:34,739
What's that, Joey?

116
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:37,740
You've told me twice,
it was conjunctivitis?

117
00:08:38,580 --> 00:08:41,580
Of course it was, Joey,
of course it was.

118
00:08:41,848 --> 00:08:44,848
It's a funny old world.

119
00:08:50,194 --> 00:08:52,536
Fly, Bryan, fly!

120
00:08:52,537 --> 00:08:55,537
Look at you, grazing the clouds,
like the Bryan you are.

121
00:08:56,472 --> 00:08:59,048
Illuminating the sky with your
diamond-shaped head,

122
00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:02,049
you are by far the best Bryan
of all the Brians,

123
00:09:02,298 --> 00:09:04,425
Eno, Clough and Denny included.

124
00:09:04,426 --> 00:09:06,183
Yeah, can I have a go now, please?

125
00:09:06,184 --> 00:09:07,566
No, he is mine.

126
00:09:07,567 --> 00:09:10,567
Besides he hasn't learnt to trust
you yet, he will be frightened.

127
00:09:11,331 --> 00:09:14,114
It's not fair, I'm the one
who likes Bryan Ferry, not you,

128
00:09:14,115 --> 00:09:16,295
you're jumping
on the Bryan Ferry bandwagon.

129
00:09:16,296 --> 00:09:19,055
Get your own kite, he is mine.

130
00:09:19,056 --> 00:09:22,056
Maybe I will, then you'll be sorry.

131
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:40,481
Noel, would you like to do swapsies?

132
00:09:40,482 --> 00:09:43,482
Erm, I'm fine actually.

133
00:09:43,568 --> 00:09:46,568
What's the matter,
you gone off your own kite?

134
00:09:48,908 --> 00:09:51,211
Like the Elephant Man, your kite,
isn't it?

135
00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:54,212
The way it moves,
the way it flaps about.

136
00:09:55,666 --> 00:09:58,666
Ah, dear. I don't know, to me it's like if the boot
was on the other foot,

137
00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:01,108
I couldn't really deal with it.

138
00:10:01,109 --> 00:10:04,009
Why don't you just give me control
of both the kites and you go

139
00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:05,261
and have a lie down, yeah?

140
00:10:05,262 --> 00:10:07,460
That will not happen.

141
00:10:07,461 --> 00:10:10,461
Maybe it's the string. Maybe
your string's a bit washing-liney.

142
00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:17,366
Could be the handle.

143
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,367
Maybe it's just you, you're not
that great at flying kites.

144
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:24,885
Some people just can't do it,
apparently,

145
00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:27,069
and some people,
it just happens for them.

146
00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:30,070
I think I probably fall into that
category, we're called champions.

147
00:10:38,132 --> 00:10:39,818
Hello, Bryan. Oh, yeah.

148
00:10:39,819 --> 00:10:42,513
Sorry what I said about Eno
being the best Brian, earlier.

149
00:10:42,514 --> 00:10:44,037
I was just messing about.

150
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,885
What, what Bryan?

151
00:10:46,886 --> 00:10:48,606
What are you trying to tell me?

152
00:10:49,939 --> 00:10:52,823
There's a boy trapped in a tree
and the tree's on fire?

153
00:10:54,525 --> 00:10:56,237
I will alert the authorities.

154
00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:58,450
What? There's no time?

155
00:10:58,451 --> 00:11:01,047
OK, you lead the way.
We haven't got a moment to lose.

156
00:11:02,113 --> 00:11:05,113
I'll put my shorts on
and get a compass.

157
00:11:05,475 --> 00:11:07,935
What'd you do that for?

158
00:11:07,936 --> 00:11:10,936
You heard them, there's a boy
trapped up a tree by the creek,

159
00:11:10,968 --> 00:11:12,995
it is dark, he is in danger.

160
00:11:12,996 --> 00:11:14,505
You did that on purpose.

161
00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:17,506
Yes, I did, cos you wouldn't
do swapsies.

162
00:11:19,642 --> 00:11:22,121
Oh, poor Noely.

163
00:11:22,122 --> 00:11:23,888
Is he going to cry?

164
00:11:23,889 --> 00:11:25,665
I'm not going to cry, am I?

165
00:11:25,666 --> 00:11:28,666
It looks like you're going to cry,
Noel. I can see real tears.

166
00:11:31,772 --> 00:11:34,772
Oh, watery eyes.

167
00:11:37,098 --> 00:11:40,098
I am leaving now, I am off to join
the other champions.

168
00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:54,359
# Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man

169
00:11:54,532 --> 00:11:57,532
# Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man

170
00:11:58,364 --> 00:12:01,364
# Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man

171
00:12:01,524 --> 00:12:04,524
# Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man! #

172
00:12:13,189 --> 00:12:16,189
(The Valley of the chavs)
'Hello, Fantasy Man. Are you off for
one of your silly little adventures?

173
00:12:18,678 --> 00:12:21,220
'Fantasy Man? Fantasy Man?

174
00:12:21,221 --> 00:12:22,698
'Are you OK?'

175
00:12:22,699 --> 00:12:25,699
This is my last adventure,
what it's all been building up to.

176
00:12:26,657 --> 00:12:29,624
I am weak now. I can fight no more.

177
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:32,371
'Oh, Fantasy Man, don't be
so melodramatic, really.

178
00:12:32,372 --> 00:12:34,603
'You know full well you'll be
back next week

179
00:12:34,604 --> 00:12:37,604
'looking for the Golden Jug Of Haribo
or some such shit.'

180
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,974
I must be true to myself,
follow my destiny,

181
00:12:41,288 --> 00:12:44,288
go and bathe my body in the golden
light of the Promised Land.

182
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,242
I just want to thank you

183
00:12:48,243 --> 00:12:51,222
for all your guidance over these
years, my good friend.

184
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:54,223
'I'll be honest with you, it never
really meant that much to me.

185
00:12:54,697 --> 00:12:56,529
'Thanks for your kind words.

186
00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:59,517
'I have to go now I've chartered
a helicopter to Tuscany,

187
00:12:59,518 --> 00:13:01,498
'we've got a few
vineyards down there.

188
00:13:01,499 --> 00:13:04,499
'Probably won't be back
till Tuesday. Au revoir.'

189
00:13:04,558 --> 00:13:07,558
Farewell, my friend,
I'll see you on the other side.

190
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,748
'Of that garage? I don't think so.'

191
00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:12,749
Goodbye, my friend.

192
00:13:12,886 --> 00:13:15,564
'Right - sunglasses,
trunks, passport.

193
00:13:15,565 --> 00:13:18,565
'Oh, yes, goodbye, Fantasy Man,
good luck with the garage.'

194
00:13:33,673 --> 00:13:36,673
Oh, man, what is you?

195
00:13:36,952 --> 00:13:38,721
What is that you're wearing?

196
00:13:38,722 --> 00:13:41,722
Look at his trousers, they is well tight.

197
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:46,064
Oh, my days! He's got a foam cup
on his chin.

198
00:13:46,065 --> 00:13:47,080
Let me be!

199
00:13:47,081 --> 00:13:50,081
Oh, my gosh, them is a lady's boots!

200
00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:52,853
Is you mentally ill?

201
00:13:52,854 --> 00:13:55,621
No, I'm not mentally ill. I'm a man of action, unlike you, you street ruffian.

202
00:13:55,622 --> 00:13:57,408
Now I'm heading
to the Promised Land.

203
00:13:57,409 --> 00:14:00,409
That's my mum's garage.

204
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,505
It is not your mum's garage, it is
the gateway to the Promised Land.

205
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:05,723
Now out of my way all of you,
let me be.

206
00:14:05,724 --> 00:14:07,158
Or what?

207
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:09,854
Please, none of this even
needs to happen.

208
00:14:09,855 --> 00:14:12,288
This whole transaction is absurd.

209
00:14:12,289 --> 00:14:14,079
Right, that's your last warning.

210
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,901
Ow! Please!

211
00:14:15,902 --> 00:14:18,902
(CHAVS) Oh, my gosh, batty man.
Oh, my gosh, batty man.

212
00:14:20,519 --> 00:14:23,519
Oh, my gosh, batty man.
Oh, my gosh, batty man.

213
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:27,940
Oh, my gosh, bat-batty man.

214
00:14:27,941 --> 00:14:30,941
I'm not a batty man,
I'm a Fantasy Man!

215
00:14:44,254 --> 00:14:46,693
Take that! They call me
the Neon Bullet.

216
00:14:46,694 --> 00:14:49,694
It's conker season! Come on! Yes?

217
00:14:52,876 --> 00:14:54,902
Come on, do you want some?

218
00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:57,454
You want some of me?

219
00:14:57,455 --> 00:14:59,213
Oh, you've got a spork.

220
00:14:59,214 --> 00:15:02,214
A combination of a fork and a spoon,
the worst combination there is.

221
00:15:02,997 --> 00:15:05,162
There's no need for that, my friend.

222
00:15:05,163 --> 00:15:08,163
(LAUGHS) No, really,
I mean we could...

223
00:15:15,478 --> 00:15:18,478
Thank you, Dream Tiger.
Yes, I'll ring you in the week.

224
00:15:22,434 --> 00:15:25,221
Hello, Fantasy Man. How are you?

225
00:15:25,222 --> 00:15:28,222
I've got a bit wrong,
I appear to have killed 45.

226
00:15:28,377 --> 00:15:31,377
Yes, and you seem to have arranged
the bodies into some sort of

227
00:15:32,066 --> 00:15:35,066
human chav calligraphy.
It's actually quite beautiful.

228
00:15:36,476 --> 00:15:39,476
I've had a funny turn,
I forgot to take my medication.

229
00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:42,870
Yes, you do seem to have got
yourself into a bit of a tangle.

230
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:46,902
In fact, I think I can hear
the police coming.

231
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,208
You won't tell them, will you?

232
00:15:51,391 --> 00:15:52,436
I might have to.

233
00:15:52,437 --> 00:15:54,071
No!

234
00:15:54,072 --> 00:15:57,072
I just might have to.

235
00:16:08,628 --> 00:16:11,450
So, guys, that's series one.
I thought we did quite well.

236
00:16:11,451 --> 00:16:12,623
Well, we did our best.

237
00:16:12,624 --> 00:16:14,019
I thought I was good.

238
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:16,059
You were good, actually, yeah.
In places.

239
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,102
This is taking ages.

240
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:20,617
All right, I've just put them on,
cool your boots.

241
00:16:20,618 --> 00:16:21,879
What oil are you using?

242
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,517
I'm using rape seed oil.

243
00:16:23,518 --> 00:16:25,031
Rapeseed oil, really?

244
00:16:25,032 --> 00:16:27,010
Yeah, rapeseed oil, really.

245
00:16:27,011 --> 00:16:28,340
Doesn't it get all sticky?

246
00:16:28,341 --> 00:16:30,775
No, it doesn't get all sticky,
it's fine, thanks.

247
00:16:30,776 --> 00:16:32,726
Look, why don't you just let me
do it?

248
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:35,727
Don't touch me, Gonzo. Every year we
have a barbecue, you know this,

249
00:16:36,422 --> 00:16:39,078
and every year, for once a year,
I do the cooking.

250
00:16:39,079 --> 00:16:41,003
It's a tradition in this house, OK?

251
00:16:41,004 --> 00:16:42,832
And every year ends in tears.

252
00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,994
No, it does not end in tears.
Why would you say that?

253
00:16:44,995 --> 00:16:46,648
Cos you get all the timings wrong,

254
00:16:46,649 --> 00:16:49,605
you can't handle the Pressure,
you have a barbecue breakdown.

255
00:16:49,606 --> 00:16:50,129
I have a what?

256
00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:51,345
A barbecue breakdown.

257
00:16:51,346 --> 00:16:54,144
I don't have a barbecue breakdown,
thank you very much.

258
00:16:54,145 --> 00:16:56,007
Yes, you do, you have a barbecue
breakdown.

259
00:16:56,008 --> 00:16:58,532
Don't say it like it's a real term,

260
00:16:58,533 --> 00:17:01,444
I don't have a barbecue breakdown
all right? OK?

261
00:17:01,445 --> 00:17:04,356
And can you just back off a bit,
every time I turn round

262
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,357
your nose goes in my mouth and it
tastes of lavender, you mauve freak.

263
00:17:07,768 --> 00:17:09,627
Just, everyone just calm down a bit.

264
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,423
Hey, Noel, I'm not eating meat
today,

265
00:17:11,424 --> 00:17:13,317
have you got any vegetarian
sausages?

266
00:17:13,318 --> 00:17:15,364
Yes, I've already put them
in the oven. Thank you very much.

267
00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:17,928
In the oven? But why in the oven?
It doesn't taste the same.

268
00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:19,414
I'm part of this barbecue, no?

269
00:17:19,415 --> 00:17:21,569
I'm being penalised now
for not eating meat.

270
00:17:21,570 --> 00:17:24,570
Listen, don't be naive, you know
full well vegetarian sausages

271
00:17:24,583 --> 00:17:26,227
don't cook properly on the barbecue,

272
00:17:26,228 --> 00:17:28,056
they crumble and go through
the slats.

273
00:17:28,057 --> 00:17:30,569
Noel, I can't wait any more, I will have mine raw.

274
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:33,282
You can't have them raw, Andy,
you'll get food poisoning.

275
00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,797
What is food poisoning?

276
00:17:34,798 --> 00:17:37,798
Look, can someone make sure
the baps have been toasted?

277
00:17:39,746 --> 00:17:41,129
Noel, what are baps?

278
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:42,573
You know what baps are, Andy.

279
00:17:42,574 --> 00:17:45,215
We had them for lunch yesterday
with cheese and pickle.

280
00:17:45,216 --> 00:17:46,276
No, they were buns.

281
00:17:46,277 --> 00:17:48,908
Andy, buns are baps, I've told you.
Baps, buns, muffins..

282
00:17:48,909 --> 00:17:51,840
We've done the bread family.

283
00:17:51,841 --> 00:17:54,841
I gave you that chart, you put it
above your bed in your room.

284
00:17:55,056 --> 00:17:56,344
That one's going black.

285
00:17:56,345 --> 00:17:59,345
Good! Good that it's gone black,
that's the whole point at the barbecue!

286
00:17:59,674 --> 00:18:01,599
Otherwise we might as well just
do them in the oven!

287
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,801
Exactly that's what I said.

288
00:18:02,802 --> 00:18:03,724
Look, it's happening, innit?

289
00:18:03,725 --> 00:18:05,966
It's not happening,
you lot are doing my head in.

290
00:18:05,967 --> 00:18:07,498
You're having a barbecue breakdown.

291
00:18:07,499 --> 00:18:09,429
I'm not having a barbecue breakdown!

292
00:18:09,430 --> 00:18:09,844
You are.

293
00:18:09,845 --> 00:18:12,230
I'm not having a barbecue breakdown!

294
00:18:12,231 --> 00:18:15,136
You are clearly having one.

295
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,808
Oh, no!

296
00:18:16,809 --> 00:18:19,809
That's the worst possible outcome!

297
00:18:20,148 --> 00:18:22,735
That sausage is on fire.

298
00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:32,631
Oh, no! Ouch! Oh,
everything's on fire!

299
00:18:32,632 --> 00:18:35,570
That's a shame. Slash gave me
this hat as a cheeky memento.

300
00:18:35,571 --> 00:18:37,902
Oh, no! Wait a minute,
underwater fire?

301
00:18:37,903 --> 00:18:40,903
That's a ludicrous concept.
No, I won't be part of that.

302
00:18:50,365 --> 00:18:52,629
Oh, nice one! Look what you've done!

303
00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:54,216
Oh, no!

304
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:57,217
My polyester roll neck has gone up like a motherfucker.

305
00:18:58,935 --> 00:19:01,935
Andy, you completely set
my tits on fire!

306
00:19:01,993 --> 00:19:04,993
It's not about your tits,
the whole show's on fire.

307
00:19:09,856 --> 00:19:11,001
Oh, Andy, by the way,

308
00:19:11,002 --> 00:19:13,506
you can't really use the excuse
of a fire to feel people up.

309
00:19:13,507 --> 00:19:14,051
No?

310
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,147
Not really, it's a bit weird.

311
00:19:15,148 --> 00:19:15,944
Ok.

312
00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:24,622
A flaming sausage?
A barbecue gone awry?

313
00:19:24,623 --> 00:19:26,850
This has to be the work
of Ice Cream Eyes.

314
00:19:26,851 --> 00:19:28,677
How could that have been me?

315
00:19:28,678 --> 00:19:31,678
I was in the back alleyway
fingering a Pac-Man ghost.

316
00:19:34,158 --> 00:19:36,885
Right then, class 4C,

317
00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:39,501
it would appear that we're in
a real fire situation.

318
00:19:39,502 --> 00:19:42,502
This is not a timetabled fire drill,
would you please

319
00:19:43,052 --> 00:19:46,052
all leave in single file and regroup
on the hockey pitch

320
00:19:46,355 --> 00:19:49,355
where Mrs Pamflom will take
a register in full.

321
00:19:50,904 --> 00:19:53,904
Do not attempt to go to your lockers
and retrieve your pencil cases.

322
00:19:56,036 --> 00:19:58,966
These items can easily replaced,

323
00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:01,967
unlike the new skin
on your tiny faces.

324
00:20:03,547 --> 00:20:06,547
No, Darren Slade, I will not be
accompanying you,

325
00:20:06,584 --> 00:20:09,584
I've got to nip to the gym quickly
and retrieve my army medals.

326
00:20:12,151 --> 00:20:15,151
They're worth a lot more than
pencil cases, you numbskull.

327
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,040
Oh, I can smell the roof
of my mouth burning.

328
00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:24,489
Hooper, my legs are on fire,
Hooper this doughnut's on fire,

329
00:20:25,031 --> 00:20:28,031
Hooper, these two matching identical
red pens are on fire.

330
00:20:28,049 --> 00:20:30,344
Hooper, you've got to Phone
Mrs Boombox

331
00:20:30,345 --> 00:20:33,345
and tell her I can't make dinner
with the Hendersons.

332
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,045
(2 days later)
Oh, dear.

333
00:20:53,046 --> 00:20:55,707
Can't believe the whole show
burnt down.

334
00:20:55,708 --> 00:20:57,773
This is all that's left of it.

335
00:20:57,774 --> 00:21:00,462
Luckily this dust pan and brush
didn't melt.

336
00:21:00,463 --> 00:21:03,111
Whole show gone,
just cos of one stupid sausage.

337
00:21:03,112 --> 00:21:06,112
I've actually got an IQ of 147.

338
00:21:06,712 --> 00:21:09,712
I've the only survivor.
Wow, the only survivor.

339
00:21:09,791 --> 00:21:11,961
That is not strictly true.

340
00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:14,962
What are you lot doing there?
I thought you'd all burnt down for the rest of the show.

341
00:21:15,363 --> 00:21:18,153
No, we are all figments of your imagination.

342
00:21:18,154 --> 00:21:21,154
You survived, therefore we survived.

343
00:21:21,537 --> 00:21:24,537
Well, what are you all doing,
lurking about in black space?

344
00:21:24,596 --> 00:21:27,175
We've got nowhere else to go now
the show's burnt down.

345
00:21:27,176 --> 00:21:29,059
Actually I'm going to Berlin this evening.

346
00:21:29,060 --> 00:21:31,499
I'm doing a season of cabaret where I'm naked on my bike

347
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:34,500
and I talk about the history
of bikes. Completely sold out.

348
00:21:34,905 --> 00:21:37,447
Apart from sandy balls, none of us
have got anywhere to go.

349
00:21:37,448 --> 00:21:39,823
Until you write series two, that is.

350
00:21:39,824 --> 00:21:41,833
I'd better get on with it, then.

351
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,834
Going to need a big typewriter
though.

352
00:21:47,055 --> 00:21:49,460
See you later, guys.
Catch you next year.

353
00:21:49,461 --> 00:21:52,407
Great! Now I've got to spend the next year
faffing about with these lot

354
00:21:52,408 --> 00:21:53,733
in the middle of nowhere.

355
00:21:53,734 --> 00:21:56,514
Well, it's not so bad, perhaps
we could play a game or something.

356
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:59,515
Hooper, where's the goddamn
Twister board? I'm sure we had one kicking around.

357
00:21:59,699 --> 00:22:01,526
We used it as a fire blanket.

358
00:22:01,527 --> 00:22:02,613
Ah, damn!

359
00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:05,441
I've got Battleships. I mean, not electronic

360
00:22:05,442 --> 00:22:06,934
but it won't spoil the fun.

361
00:22:06,935 --> 00:22:09,935
I've got a lovely little
South African Beaujolais

362
00:22:09,967 --> 00:22:12,873
that I've been saving
for an occasion like this.

363
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:14,754
You know, when the show would burn down

364
00:22:14,755 --> 00:22:17,673
and people are left in infinite
space, that kind of thing.

365
00:22:17,674 --> 00:22:20,662
It's all bleedin'
coming together, innit?

366
00:22:20,663 --> 00:22:23,372
No, Dondylion, it is far from coming together,

367
00:22:23,373 --> 00:22:24,885
we haven't done the end song.

368
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:27,339
Noel, come back, we haven't done the end song.

369
00:22:27,340 --> 00:22:29,335
All right, calm down, it's fine.

370
00:22:29,336 --> 00:22:32,336
But the end song! It burnt down with end of the show.

371
00:22:32,703 --> 00:22:35,260
What will we do? Ah! Ah! What will we do?

372
00:22:35,261 --> 00:22:36,984
Ah! Ah! What will we do?

373
00:22:36,985 --> 00:22:39,951
All right, Andy, calm down.
It's fine. We'll do it a cappella.

374
00:22:39,952 --> 00:22:42,952
Ah, yes, that is, yes. Everybody, we will do it a cappella.

375
00:22:45,181 --> 00:22:48,181
That is a suitable solution. Very good. Ok, phew.

376
00:22:48,378 --> 00:22:51,378
OK, you ready?
One, two, a-one, two, three, four.

377
00:22:51,951 --> 00:22:54,089
(ALL) # Gotta go now
It's the end of the show

378
00:22:54,090 --> 00:22:56,658
# Gotta go now
It's the end of the show

379
00:22:56,659 --> 00:22:58,856
# Bye-bye now
It's the end of the show

380
00:22:58,857 --> 00:23:01,315
# Bye-bye now
It's the end of the show

381
00:23:01,316 --> 00:23:03,414
# Come back next for another show

382
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:05,601
# Gotta come back for another show

383
00:23:05,602 --> 00:23:08,430
# Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye

384
00:23:08,431 --> 00:23:11,318
# Baby, bye-bye

385
00:23:11,319 --> 00:23:14,319
# Baby, bye-bye... #

386
00:23:15,073 --> 00:23:17,978
I mean, really? I'm going.

387
00:23:17,988 --> 00:23:22,988
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