1 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,352 (CLICKING) 2 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,072 I don't give shitty jobs. 3 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,599 If a good man... 4 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,394 comes to me, 5 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:41,195 says, "Thank you, David, for the opportunity and continued support 6 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,072 "in the work-related arena, 7 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,589 "but I want to better myself, I want to move on." 8 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,439 Then I can make that dream come true to... 9 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,516 AKA, for you. 10 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,918 The point is you talk the talk, but do not walk the walk, 11 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,396 vis-à-vis you've not yet passed your forklift driver's test. 12 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:02,036 The man who gives the jobs in the warehouse is a personal friend of mine. All right? 13 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,791 I know you're the man for the job. 14 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,358 Sammy, you old slag. 15 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,071 It's the Brentmeister General. 16 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,589 Have you advertised the forklift driver's job? 17 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,276 Good, don't bother. I've got the man here. He's perfick. 18 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:21,350 Has he passed his forklift driver's test? He gives the tests. 19 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,755 Yeah, yeah. He's first-aid trained, yeah. 20 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,876 Yeah. We'll get a C.V. over to you this afternoon. 21 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,640 I'm seeing you Sunday, aren't I? For my sins. 22 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,631 How is Elaine? She left you yet? 23 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,199 All right. See you then. 24 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,316 She has left him. I forgot about that. 25 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,674 (PHONE RINGS) 26 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,233 David Brent. 27 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,593 I've been in the business for twelve years. 28 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,195 Been at Wernham Hogg as General Manager for eight of those, 29 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,878 so putting together my team. 30 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,712 Lovely Dawn. 31 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,877 Dawn Tinsley. Receptionist. 32 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,950 - Been with us for ages, haven't you? - Yeah. 33 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,435 I'd say, at one time or another, 34 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,074 every bloke here has woken up at the crack of Dawn! 35 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,474 What?! 36 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,957 Can I have the mail, please? 37 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:23,433 Yeah. 38 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,073 Just a fax. 39 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,710 - Dawn, this is from Head Office. - I know. 40 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,037 There's a special filing cabinet for things from Head Office. 41 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,276 - You haven't... - The wastepaper basket! 42 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,271 Better get that back. 43 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,152 People say I'm the best boss. 44 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,635 They go, "We've never worked in a place like this. 45 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,877 "You're such a laugh. You get the best out of us." And I go... 46 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,673 C'est la vie. If that's true, excellent. 47 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,671 - Be gentle with me today, Dawn. - Why is that? 48 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,110 Oh, God, I had a skinful last night. 49 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,471 I was out with Finchy - Chris Finch. Had us on a pub crawl. 50 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,996 El vino did flow. 51 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,473 I was blar... tered. 52 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,192 Bladdered. 53 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,193 Blottoed. 54 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,750 Don't ever come out with me and Finchy. 55 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,598 No, I won't. 56 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,074 You got to go for it. 57 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,998 There's guys my age, and they look 50. 58 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,079 How old do you think I look? 59 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,792 - Thirty si... - Thirty, yeah. 60 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:24,310 About that. But I'm going to have to slow down. 61 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,158 Drinking a bit too much. 62 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,477 If every single night of the week's too much! 63 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,079 And every lunchtime! 64 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,757 - How many have I had this week? - What? 65 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,189 How many pints have I had if you're counting? 66 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:42,912 - I'm not counting. - Aren't you? 67 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,156 You seem to know a lot about my drinking. 68 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,679 Does it offend you? 69 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,717 You know, getting a little bit personal. 70 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,071 Imagine if I started doing that with you. 71 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,075 I could come up with something witty and biting, like, "You're a bit..." 72 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,709 But I don't because I'm a professional. 73 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,631 And professionalism is... 74 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,954 And that is what I want, OK? That's all. 75 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:13,993 That's a shame. 76 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,150 - Wassup?! - Don't do that! 77 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,909 All right. What is it, time of the month? 78 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,229 Just the eight pints for me last night. 79 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,713 That's all. 80 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,439 Uh... 81 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,871 Oh, no. Oh, God. 82 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:50,396 "Boss and team leader in drunken night out shock horror," it says here. 83 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,035 It's not like I'm out again tonight with Oggy. 84 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,232 That'd be a quiet night in at the library - not! 85 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,033 I don't think. 86 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:07,954 I'm a sales rep, which means that my job is to speak to clients on the phone 87 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,595 about quantity and type of paper, 88 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,756 and whether we can supply it with them, 89 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,316 and whether they can pay for it. 90 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,678 And I'm boring myself talking about it. 91 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,594 Wassup?! 92 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,392 Hey, wassup?! 93 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,794 Wassup. 94 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,671 You're fired, Keenan. Drunkard. 95 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,079 Hypocrite warning. 96 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,712 Oh, God. 97 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,353 What's he been saying? 98 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,754 It's all true. 99 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,233 Guilty as charged. 100 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,749 Went out with a few of his mates, didn't we? 101 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,758 And he goes, "Tag along if you want, 102 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,678 "but I must warn you, David, they get a bit rowdy." 103 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,634 I went, "I'll see if I can take it." I was worse than them by the end! 104 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,559 They're going, "Who's that nutter?" "That's my boss." 105 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,319 "We can't stand it, we're going." They just left! 106 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,114 Oh, God. Absolutely mental. 107 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,393 Resolve! 108 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,674 What? 109 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,914 Nothing. 110 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,112 - See you later. - See you later. 111 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,514 Take care. 112 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:30,112 Would you mind giving Maintenance a call? There's a nasty smell in the lift. 113 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,118 (DAVID) Head Office don't really interfere with me. 114 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,959 Jennifer might come down once a week. 115 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,631 Jennifer Taylor-Clark. We call her Camilla Parker-Bowles! 116 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,675 Not to her face. Not 'cause I'm scared of her. 117 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,668 I got them off Nobby Burton who comes round with a suitcase. 118 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,837 Two for a tenner. Yes, please, four. So... 119 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:54,112 OK. Meeting with Jennifer Taylor-Clarke present. 120 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,479 - Right... - Shoot. 121 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,750 Anything you wanted to add to the agenda? 122 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,393 Did no get an agenda. 123 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,829 - Sorry? - Did not get an agenda, no. 124 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,157 - I did fax you one this morning. - Did we get a fax, Dawn? 125 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:07,998 Yeah, we may have. 126 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,076 Then why isn't it in my hand? 127 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:14,796 Because a company runs on efficiency of communication. 128 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,957 You put it in the bin that was a special filing cabinet. 129 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:19,873 As a joke, yeah. 130 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,549 It's meant to be bills. Doesn't really work with faxes. 131 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,671 - Do you want to look at mine? - Yeah. 132 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,078 Yeah, sure, she'd say she's the boss, but... 133 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:37,511 There should be no ego when you're pulling together to do something good. Yeah? 134 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,115 It's like... Comic Relief. 135 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,355 Yeah? I'm out here in Africa - 136 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,550 I'm seeing the flies and the starvation - 137 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,352 and she - if she is the boss - 138 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,109 she's in the studio with Jonathan Ross and Lenny Henry. 139 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,595 They're doing their bit counting the money, 140 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:58,076 but their hands are clean, while I'm down here in the office 141 00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,952 with little starving kids. 142 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,274 Right. Since the last meeting... 143 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,391 Alan and the board have decided 144 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,956 that we can't justify a Swindon branch and a Slough branch. 145 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,752 - Oh... - No, David. Don't panic. 146 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,393 Should be good. Go on. 147 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,909 - There are alarm bells. - No, no. Don't panic. 148 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,190 - We haven't made any deci... - Don't panic? 149 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,471 We haven't made any decisions. I've spoken to Neil in Swindon. 150 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,431 I've told him the same as you. 151 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,278 It's up to either you or him 152 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,676 to convince me that your branch could incorporate the other. 153 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,234 - OK. No problem. - This does, however, mean... 154 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,954 - that there will be redundancies. - You see? 155 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:37,596 Did I no want to hear that, Jenny. Redundancies are a tragedy always. 156 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,951 I wouldn't wish that on Neil's men or on my men... or women. 157 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,709 Present company excepted. Is Neil concerned about redundancies? 158 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,752 - Of course, yes. - Good. Because I'm very concerned. 159 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,157 Although I understand if they're necessary, as a businessman. 160 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,077 - Does he understand...? - David. 161 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,875 - Let's not talk about redundancies. - We have to sooner or later. 162 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,911 Yes, but now we have to decide 163 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,828 if you take on Swindon's people at this branch or the other way round. 164 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,520 - Yeah, we'll take on theirs. - No... 165 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,710 No. You and I don't decide. 166 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,717 - I decide. - You do decide but... 167 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,671 - You make your case. - Based on fact. 168 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,552 OK. Is there a time limit on...? 169 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,796 (PHONE RINGS) Let it go onto the machine. 170 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,675 Hi, mate. Not around at the moment, so please leave a mess-ARGE. 171 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,074 (BLEEP) 172 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,430 - It's Finch. - Chris Finch. Bloody good rep. 173 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,632 - Got a hangover, you big poof? - Ah, that's derogatory. 174 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,069 You're in with Jennifer today, aren't you? 175 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,952 - Give her one for me, son. - Ah. 176 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,151 - Cheers, big ears. - Awful. Awful man. 177 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,633 Stop looking up her skirt. 178 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,034 - David? - I wasn't. 179 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,039 Can we keep a lid on this? I really don't want to worry people unduly. 180 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,709 No. Under this regime, Jenny, this will not leave the office. 181 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,315 So what does redundancy actually mean? 182 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,272 So you'd just go, would you? 183 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,957 - Would you? - Well, I don't know. 184 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,790 Keith and Jamie are having these little... 185 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,399 I know. They've gone mad. 186 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,398 ...clandestine little chats about being out of work. 187 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,078 I couldn't give a shit. 188 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,033 This is Mr Brent. 189 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,032 - Guilty! - All right? Hi. 190 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,036 Ricky Howard from the temping agency. 191 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,673 Verna sent me to start today. 192 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,199 Temporary. 193 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,511 Staff. Only. 194 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,358 - Ricky? - Yeah. 195 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:27,754 "Ricky!" 196 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,069 "Ricky. No, Ricky!" What was his girlfriend's name on EastEnders? 197 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,270 - Bianca. - "Ricky! Leave it!" 198 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,913 Did she tell you I was mad? 199 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,235 Yeah. She said you had a nervous breakdown. 200 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,318 - I haven't had a nervous breakdown. - That was a joke. 201 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,954 She said you were a good laugh and, you know... 202 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,957 We all are, aren't we? 203 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,991 Part of my job description now. 204 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,394 Unofficially. 205 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,112 OK. Let's get you started. 206 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,559 Into the fray! 207 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,670 What upsets me about the job? Um... 208 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,955 Wasted talent, yeah? 209 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,274 People could come to me and they could go, 210 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,233 "David, you've been in the business twelve years. 211 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,830 "Can you spare us a moment to tell us how to run a team? 212 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,838 "How to keep them task-orientated as well as happy." 213 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,598 But they don't. 214 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,158 That's the tragedy. 215 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:21,709 This is the er... Accounts Department. 216 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,199 All right? 217 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,393 The number bods. 218 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,751 Do not be fooled by their job descriptions. 219 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,916 They are absolutely mad, all of them. 220 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,999 Especially that one. He's mental. 221 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,988 Not literally, obviously, that wouldn't work. 222 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,352 Last place you'd want someone like that is in Accounts. 223 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,517 - This is the recycling bin. - Right. 224 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,596 Obviously we get through a lot of paper. 225 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,119 We make a lot! 226 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,310 - Actually, we sell it. - Yeah. 227 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,998 It doesn't grow on trees! 228 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,151 You know it is pulp, yeah? 229 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,274 Yeah. 230 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,753 Mr Davis, can I call you back? Something's come up. 231 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,472 Two minutes. Thanks. Bye. 232 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,159 What are you doing? 233 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,679 - What? - What are you doing? 234 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,075 I'm just pushing this stuff off my desk. 235 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,509 - It wasn't on your desk. - It was overlapping. 236 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,232 It's all coming over the edge. 237 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,316 All right? One word, two syllables - demarcation. All right? 238 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,192 David Brent, I presume! 239 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,515 That's just to cheer these lot up. 240 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,717 Send the girls out to get the plants to make them a bit happier. 241 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,956 They can sometimes get a bit... 242 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,639 It's run out of batteries. 243 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:41,639 Can we get some batteries for Billy Bigmouth? Take it out of petty cash. 244 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,951 Can't put a price on comedy. Er... 245 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,355 You're a twat, Gareth. A twat and a knob end. 246 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,869 I'm not listening, so it's not offending me. 247 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,436 So you won't hear this. You're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock. 248 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,674 You're a cock. 249 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,279 Here y'are, look. 250 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,277 This is the sort of work we're doing. 251 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,114 Cartoons. 252 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,355 Does my bum look big in these? 253 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,515 It's not sexist. It's the bloke saying it. 254 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,551 At last. So... 255 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,319 All for that. All for that in the workplace. 256 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,310 ...Managed to scrape a first in the end. 257 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,873 You've met Tim, haven't you? 258 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,274 - Hello. - All right? 259 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,790 Oh, careful. Watch this one. Gareth Keenan in the area! 260 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,988 Ricky, the new temp. Introduce yourself. 261 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,395 Gareth Keenan, Assistant Regional Manager. 262 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,239 Assistant to the Regional Manager. My right-hand man. 263 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,432 I need him beneath me - as an actress said to a bishop! 264 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:44,993 No, he's not. 265 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,793 Tell him about the car and the kung fu and everything. 266 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,116 Yeah. I've got a TR3. 267 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,516 I bought it for 1,200, done it up, now it's worth three grand. 268 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,313 - The profit on that's just under... - New engine. 269 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,954 - A wreck... - I've got some photos. 270 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,752 Oh, what is that?! 271 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,552 - Whoa, whoa. - That is it. 272 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:06,673 Slow down, you're moving too fast. Solomon's here. What's going on? 273 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,870 He put my stapler inside a jelly again. 274 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,833 That's the third time. It wasn't funny the first time. 275 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,997 - Why has he done that? - I told him I don't like jelly. 276 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,437 I don't trust the way it moves. 277 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,677 You show a weakness, he'll pounce. You should know that. 278 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,756 What is in here? 279 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,154 My stapler. 280 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,998 Well, don't do that! Eat it out. 281 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,829 There's people starving in the world, which I hate. It's a waste. 282 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,632 How do you know it's yours? 283 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,671 It's got my name on it in Tippex. 284 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,597 Yeah. Don't eat it now. Chemicals. 285 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,871 Right. You can be my witness. Give him an official warning. 286 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,275 - How do you know it was me? - It's always you. 287 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,516 - Mad here. - Can't you discipline him? 288 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,993 Ooh, kinky! 289 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,670 The thing about practical jokes, you've got to know when to stop, 290 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,156 and now's the time to stop putting Gareth's possessions in jelly. 291 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,872 Gareth, it's a trifling matter. 292 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,478 Here we go. Always like this. 293 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,511 You should put him in custard-y! 294 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,397 He's going to fit in. We're like Vic and Bob... and an extra one. 295 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:07,919 Oh, God. 296 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,589 Yeah. I'm more worried really about damage to company property. 297 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,714 Trifling. 298 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,519 I'm just trying to think of other desserts to do. 299 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,793 Yeah, it's all right here, 300 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,913 but people do sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed. 301 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,233 I like to have a laugh just as much as the next man, 302 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,430 but this is a place of work. 303 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,199 I was in the Territorial Army for three years, 304 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,471 and you can't muck about there - it's one of the rules. 305 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,559 OK, dude. 306 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,955 - Give it back. - I'm just using it for a second. 307 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,991 It's got my name on it - Gareth. 308 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,758 It says "Garet" actually. 309 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,678 - Ask if you want to borrow it. - You always say no. 310 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,392 That's why you should ask. 311 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,158 Gareth, it was just there, OK? 312 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,316 That's its home. Leave it there. 313 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,754 OK. 314 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,154 OK. 315 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,756 Philip, get that off him! 316 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,917 I'm going to let this go unless you stop acting like a fool. 317 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,354 - Well, you won't so... - Well, I have, so... 318 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,478 What if that killed someone? 319 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,115 They'll think you're the murderer. It's got your name on it. 320 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,559 Why would a murderer put his name on a murder weapon? 321 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,352 To stop people borrowing it. 322 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,194 David. 323 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,357 I hate the fact you bring me down to this. I really resent it. 324 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,392 - I don't know why you're laughing. - Leave her out of it. 325 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,954 You carry on. Listen, you bring me down to this. 326 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,199 What's that? 327 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,632 Popcorn. Ben Elton. 328 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,876 - Funny? - It's all right, yeah. 329 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,915 I had a bit of a scare earlier. 330 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,194 Did you? 331 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,151 I thought I found a lump. 332 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,590 I examine myself regularly but... It's fine. 333 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,199 Terrifying. 334 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,753 Testicular cancer. 335 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,556 Cancer of them old testicles. 336 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,951 - What's that? - It's a bit of brie. 337 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,798 - From down there? - Mmm. 338 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,674 See you later. 339 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,635 I've just got a complaint from a very important client, 340 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,309 saying that the figures I gave him are wrong, and... 341 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,515 Yeah. Well, basically, I've checked all other possibilities 342 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,154 and it's come down to the calculator. 343 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,318 Well, I don't know. Circuitry? Who is this I'm talking to? 344 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,636 ...Redundancies. Now, it is true or not? 345 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,990 - OK. - Last in, first out. 346 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:53,908 I don't know what source your little bird is... from... 347 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,792 All right. Give me a sum. 348 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,754 No. You give me a sum, I'll try it out. All right. 349 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,879 Yeah. 350 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,274 Plus... 351 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,709 52... equals... 352 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,114 141. 353 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,037 All right. That time it was correct. 354 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,629 - There's nothing... - Be straight with us. 355 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,194 I am. I'm going to be straight with you now. 356 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,311 I can't tell you at the moment. 357 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,432 I don't like acting like a kid, do you know what I mean? 358 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,994 But it's the effect he has. 359 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,233 What are you doing? 360 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,715 I don't want to have to look at you, Gareth. 361 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,353 - You can't do that. - Why not? 362 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,799 Health and Safety. 363 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,313 Why? Crushed by cardboard or what? 364 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,273 No. Number one, blocking out light. 365 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,472 Number two, misuse of company files. 366 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,238 Misuse of files? Right. 367 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:45,591 This is why the whole redundancy thing doesn't bother me, 368 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,154 because if I have to work with him for another day, 369 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,350 I will slit my throat. 370 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,992 You won't do it like that though. 371 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,749 You get the knife in behind the windpipe, pull it down like that. 372 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,630 Or I could just apply for another job. 373 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,713 Careful. 374 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,073 OK. Um... 375 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,272 Thanks for coming in. This'll take a minute. 376 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:17,279 Er... Right. I am aware of the rumours that have been circulating, 377 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,356 and I want to put the record straight. 378 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,516 I'm team leader! I should know first. 379 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,472 Yeah. I'm telling everyone now. 380 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,069 Just tell me quickly. Just whisper it to me. 381 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,668 - Can you just tell us? - Yeah. All right. 382 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,109 - Shall I tell them? - You don't know what it is. 383 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,549 All right. You tell them with my permission. 384 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,039 I don't need your permission. 385 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,549 Permission granted. You do as you wish. 386 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,914 Head Office... 387 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:46,595 have deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me, 388 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,598 and Jennifer is talking of either 389 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,553 downsizing the Swindon branch or this branch. 390 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,270 - Are you going to let her? - No, Malcolm. 391 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,868 - You didn't see me in there. - For his eyes only! 392 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,912 I said, "Head Office have got me to contend with. 393 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:05,635 "You can fiddle with Neil's people, but I'm the head of this family. 394 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,228 "You're not going to fiddle with my children." 395 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,033 But, David, if they do downsize here... 396 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,789 - You think I'd let that happen? - It'd be out of your hands. 397 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,275 It won't be out of my hands, and that's a promise. 398 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,118 Can you promise that? 399 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:20,673 On his mother's grave. 400 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,189 Well... I have promised it. 401 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,153 OK? And it insults me that you have to ask. 402 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,317 - It's just that... - Sorry. Dawn wants to speak. 403 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,318 It was just that I was in the meeting with Jennifer, 404 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,478 and she said it could be this branch that gets the chop. 405 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,232 Well, if you were in the meeting with Jennifer, 406 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:45,831 then maybe you should adhere to the ongoing confidentiality agreement 407 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,313 of meeting. 408 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,271 Yeah. Information is power. 409 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,198 So you can't say whether it's going to be us or them. 410 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,835 This is my ship and I've asked you to trust me, and you can't go wrong. 411 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,349 - It's not a question of trust. - It is, Malcolm. 412 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,835 It is a question of trust. Do you trust me? 413 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,349 - Do you trust me? Yes or no? - Yes. I trust you. 414 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,833 He does. 415 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,230 - So... Meeting a-journed. - Good. Excellent. 416 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,710 I'd have said much the same. In fact... 417 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,831 Can I just ask? Do you trust me? 418 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,031 - Hands up if you trust me. - You don't... 419 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,878 - You asked them. - Put your hand down. 420 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,956 I'm Assistant Regional Manager. 421 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,640 Assistant to the Regional Manager. They're gone. 422 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,553 I'm not worried for me. I'll be all right. 423 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,036 But if there does have to be a cull, then so be it. 424 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,435 I mean, that's just natural selection. 425 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,233 In the wild, some people wouldn't survive. 426 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,111 I mean, imagine a warehouse 427 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,028 where a little midget fella is driving a forklift. 428 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,792 He can't see over the top. 429 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:51,038 He's got great big platform shoes on so he can reach the pedals 430 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,151 because of his little legs. 431 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,679 Anton's a lovely bloke - don't get me wrong - 432 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,030 but should he be working here? 433 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:07,393 (GARETH) Have you got a price for matt-coated SRA1? 434 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,511 I can't see you, I can't hear you, Gareth. 435 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,918 - Just tell me, will you? - No. I can't hear you. 436 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,713 - Just tell me. - Give me a ring, OK? 437 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,630 (PHONE RINGS) 438 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,069 - It's on voicemail. - Leave a message. 439 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:36,192 Hi. It's me, Gareth. I need a price on matt-coated... 440 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,992 This is stupid! 441 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,111 Yes. This is stupid. 442 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,470 It's so... Sorry, mate, what do you want? 443 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,954 Er... I need a tonnage price on matt-coated SRA1. 444 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:52,518 I've got 160 here, but I'm sure that isn't right because when I spoke to Glynn earlier on, he... 445 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,152 Right. I know you're not there. 446 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,636 Obviously you can't hear that, but I'm not talking to myself 447 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,035 because they're filming. 448 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,832 That feels nice, actually. 449 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,315 - Do that bit with your nails. - Sshh! 450 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,195 That's no different. You can't do anything with your hair at all! 451 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,156 Oh, no, trouble. Sanj. 452 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,952 This is Sanj. This is Ricky. 453 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,071 - Hello, mate. - Nice to see you. 454 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,351 This guy does the best Ali G impersonation. 455 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,519 I can't. You do it. 456 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:32,993 - Go on. - I don't. 457 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,475 - You're thinking of someone else. - Oh! Sorry. 458 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,273 - It's not you, it's the other one. - The other what? 459 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,470 - Um... - Paki? 460 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,874 Ah. 461 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,592 That's racist. 462 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,278 No, I don't have a great many ethnic employees, that's true, 463 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,039 but it's not company policy... 464 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,470 I haven't got a sign on the door that says, "White people only2". 465 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:02,151 I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow - 466 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,590 Orientals make very good workers, for example. 467 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,950 Do you like a drink at the end of a week? 468 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,354 Yup. 469 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,550 Well, this is why we're going out... 470 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,558 - When are you going out? - To have an end of the week drink. 471 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,398 - When? - Tonight, hopefully. 472 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,794 Er, yeah... 473 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,592 - Hi, mate. - Hi, sweetheart. 474 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,915 - Are you ready, yeah? - Yeah. 475 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,315 Do you mind if I go out for a drink with this lot? 476 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:25,998 No. Let's go home, yeah? 477 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,749 OK. I'll be a couple of minutes because it's twenty past five. 478 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,350 - You should come. It'll be a laugh. - No. You're all right. 479 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:34,833 We got to get off. 480 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,872 Um... 481 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,194 - What's in the bag? - Tell her I'll see her later. 482 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,151 Certainly will, mate. Take care. 483 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,591 - Dreaded first day. - Yeah. 484 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,233 - All right? - Yeah. All right. 485 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,111 You've seen the vibe. 486 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,639 Chilled out. 487 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,431 Oh, dear. 488 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,073 We work hard. 489 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,952 I mean, we play hard. 490 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,433 Play hard when we should be working hard sometimes, partly down to me. 491 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:25,834 Um... 492 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:30,918 I let them get away with murder and they let me. The girls love me. 493 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,716 Not in that way. 494 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,114 But, er... 495 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,233 I suppose I've created an atmosphere where I'm a friend first 496 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,716 and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third. 497 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,193 (KNOCKING) Hold on! 498 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,629 Practical jokes, yeah? 499 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,159 Right. OK. 500 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,555 Practical joke. Don't give me away. 501 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,839 Come in. 502 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,952 And then Head Office said... Yeah. 503 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,911 - Fax for you. - Thanks. 504 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,589 Don't go, Dawn. Pull up a chair. I was going to call you in. 505 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,711 I need a quick word. 506 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:10,994 Um... 507 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:15,432 As you are aware, there are going to be redundancies. 508 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,631 You've made my life easier 509 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,796 inasmuch as I'm going to let you go first. 510 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,399 What? 511 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:22,874 Why? 512 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,274 Why? 513 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:25,833 Stealing. 514 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,279 Thieving. 515 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,872 - Thieving? - Yeah. 516 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,195 Er... What am I meant to have stolen? 517 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,878 Post-It notes. 518 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,513 Post-It notes...? 519 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,915 What are they worth, about 12p? 520 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,996 - Got your Bible on you, Ricky? - No. 521 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:44,997 Thou shalt not steal unless it's only 12p. 522 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:48,032 You steal a thousand Post-It notes at 12p, you've made... 523 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,314 a profit. 524 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,237 Why would I steal Post-It notes? 525 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:55,432 To make the little things in the end of joints... 526 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,516 - Roaches. - Caught you, drug addict. 527 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,710 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 528 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,194 I can't... 529 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:03,719 God... 530 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,030 I've never stolen as much as a paper clip and you're firing me. 531 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,515 And I don't need to give you severance pay 532 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,757 because it's gross misconduct. So you can go straight away. 533 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,916 (SHE WEEPS) 534 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,637 Oh, now... 535 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,638 That was a joke there. 536 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,555 Good girl. It was a joke we were doing. 537 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,352 Well done. Settling in. 538 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,357 Practical jokes for the good. 539 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,391 "Thanks for these. Check them out." 540 00:27:58,080 --> 00:27:59,832 Better do these now actually. 541 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,798 You wanker. 542 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,314 Come on. 543 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,870 You're such a sad little man. 544 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,474 Am I? 545 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,153 Didn't know that. 546 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,076 ((DAVID) What is the single most important thing for a company? 547 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:27,872 Is it the building? 548 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,479 Is it the stock? 549 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,759 Is it the turnover? 550 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,752 It's the people. Investment in people. Yeah? 551 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,112 My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profit by 17%, 552 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,869 or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. 553 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,993 A young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke English, 554 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,398 he came to me and went, "Mr Brent, will you be godfather to my child?" 555 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:55,794 So... 556 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,357 Didn't happen. We had to let him go. 557 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,391 He was rubbish. He was rubbish. 558 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,869 # So what becomes of you, my love 559 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,398 # When they have finally stripped you of 560 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,435 # The handbags and the gladrags 561 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:27,712 # That your granddad had to sweat so you could buy... # 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net