1 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,040 This is the worst part of my job, you know. 2 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,720 I do not want to lose a good man. 3 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,391 But it's out of my hands, 4 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:42,593 and if it were in my hands, my hands are tied. It's nothing personal... 5 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,392 Why am I getting fired? 6 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,795 You're not getting fired. It's redundancy. 7 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:51,675 Cutbacks being what they are, you are one of the unlucky ones. 8 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,030 Or one of the lucky ones in my opinion! 9 00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:00,433 David, why, when there are three other forklift operators, 10 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,074 do you decide to fire me and not Anton? 11 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,475 Is this positive discrimination? 12 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,875 Do you have disability quotas to fill? 13 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,831 I don't know what you mean. 14 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,474 Are you keeping Anton on because he's disabled? 15 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,955 - Anton's not disabled. - He's a midget. 16 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,517 Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget. That's just small. 17 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,473 Ronnie Corbett doesn't get special treatment. 18 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,273 He's five foot. Anton's three foot four. 19 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:29,313 So are some children. Children aren't disabled, are they? 20 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,431 Children don't work in warehouses. 21 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:35,235 Look, whether or not Anton is indeed a midget or a dwarf... 22 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,591 - No, he's a midget. - What's the difference? 23 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,433 A dwarf has disproportionately short arms and legs. 24 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,676 Oh, I know the ones. 25 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,870 It's caused by a hormone deficiency. 26 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,877 Yeah. Bloody hormones. 27 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,754 A midget is still a dwarf, but their arms and legs are in proportion. 28 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,029 So what's an elf? 29 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,798 Do you want to answer that? 30 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,514 An elf is a supernatural being. 31 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:11,438 Sometimes they're invisible, like fairies. 32 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,831 They don't actually exist, do they? In real life? 33 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,110 Do you think I enjoy this? It's been imposed upon me. 34 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,515 "It's been imposed upon me!" 35 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:49,108 Yeah. What do you want me to say, I'm sorry? 36 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,390 Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry. 37 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,556 Apologise and stop passing the buck! 38 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,434 I'm not passing the buck. This is someone else's decision. 39 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,199 - Go above my head if you want. - Oh, I will. 40 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:04,074 - Good luck. It's your prerogative. - Yeah, it is. My prerogative. 41 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,397 - So is a pixie the same as an elf? - Hold on, Gareth. 42 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,876 I just want to know how he knows so much about midgets. 43 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,396 It's called an education. 44 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,997 - So what's a goblin? - How long will you be? 45 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,112 I know I probably seem an imposing figure now - 46 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,674 you know, the slick boss - 47 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,553 but get to know me, you'll see I'm mad. 48 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,557 I brought that in. 49 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:44,954 So... 50 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,231 Oh, here we go. 51 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,313 Malcolm. 52 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,069 This is Malcolm. This is Karen Roper, my new secretary. 53 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,715 You can all use her - as the actress said to the bishop. 54 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,036 - Nice to meet you. - Hello. 55 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,994 David, can I just ask why you've hired yourself a new secretary 56 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:06,078 when you're having to fire people like Alex? 57 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,270 Different people, different jobs. 58 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:13,793 To whit, the answer to the question, is it people or task 59 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,876 is - well, you know - people. 60 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,676 Like this person. Kojak. 61 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,837 - David, what I want to know... - Kojak we call him. 62 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,677 ...am I going to be fired? When will we know? 63 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:33,590 Good question. Jennifer is coming in midday today, Greenwich Mean Time. 64 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:37,793 She will have the verdict then. OK. I was just keeping the troops happy. 65 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,673 They'd be happier if they knew they'd got jobs. 66 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,119 Yeah. 67 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,950 I'm thinking of other weird-looking bald people. 68 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,036 That one on Benny Hill? 69 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,559 Oh, yeah. 70 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,989 I don't know if you met Tim. He's thinking of leaving. 71 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,111 He's feeling bad about himself. 72 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,028 I'm going to make him feel good about himself, turn it round. 73 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,720 You know. Look and learn. So... 74 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,319 Timothy! 75 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,791 - Hi. - Can I have a quick word? 76 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,036 In the office. Walk this way. 77 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,912 Quack, quack, quack! 78 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,996 Always start with a joke. 79 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,116 You might want to make notes. 80 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,879 Hiya. Come in. 81 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,756 - How are you? - All right, thanks. 82 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,872 You don't mind if Karen sits in to learn the ropes? 83 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,070 No, not at all. What are we doing? 84 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,476 I wanted to know why you're thinking of leaving, mate. 85 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,073 I'm not thinking of leaving, I am leaving. 86 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,474 Sure. Sure. 87 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,275 I don't mean to stitch anyone up, but it's nothing I've said? 88 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,756 - Not at all, David. No. - Definitely not. No way. 89 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,838 I don't want to put words in your mouth, 90 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,793 but what sort of a boss would you say I am? 91 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,831 - I'm a... - Good boss, yeah. 92 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,474 - He said good. - No. You're a great boss. 93 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,194 It's just that I'm not in a position... 94 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,392 It's not because you asked Dawn out and she said no? 95 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,795 I didn't ask her out. It was as a friend. 96 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,992 It was as a friend. Put friend. Put friend down. 97 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,429 So why the move? 98 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,113 - It's not one thing... - Go on. 99 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,196 - Can I...? - Sure. 100 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:35,755 OK. I don't really enjoy the work I do here. I'm sorry, but... 101 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,918 I feel a little bit like I'm wasting my time. 102 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,032 - That life's too short. - Exactly. Thank you. 103 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,515 Let's be honest, David, I am 30. 104 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,599 - I want to retire with some stories to tell. - Not about paper. 105 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,360 I've got paper stories that'll crack you up. 106 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,119 - That's true. Hilarious. - Put hilarious. 107 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,117 - Shall I go on? - How many are there? 108 00:06:56,320 --> 00:07:00,472 It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just got to get away. 109 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,716 I think it was John Lennon who said... 110 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,111 "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." 111 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,276 That's how I feel. 112 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,831 Though he also said, "I am the walrus, I am the eggman", 113 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,916 so I don't know what to believe! 114 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,555 - David, listen... - No, you listen to me, "Tim". 115 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,673 When you first came here, you didn't know about the paper industry. 116 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,156 I showed you the ropes, nurtured you, gave you a good job. 117 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,669 - That he doesn't want! - I didn't ask you. 118 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,997 - You asked me how I felt... - I don't want to know now. 119 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,350 This has been a waste of time. Yeah. 120 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:40,519 Why don't you both go and do some work instead of whinging, please? 121 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,392 - This is silly... - No, go on. 122 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:46,479 Don't say out there what you said in here, apart from the good boss. 123 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,798 I don't want you spreading bad vibes around my office, all right? 124 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,877 Don't be like that at the party! 125 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,236 You try and do a good deed... 126 00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,918 and that... 127 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,393 You all right? 128 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,839 Yeah. Hello. 129 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,275 Are you going to the party? 130 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,278 Yeah, yeah. Of course. I wouldn't miss it. 131 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,436 - And you? - Er, yes. 132 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,879 Good. 133 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:25,599 Hooray. 134 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,996 - See you later. - Yeah. 135 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,756 (DAWN) I hope they get rid of me. 136 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,838 Then I might get off my arse and do something. 137 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:44,272 I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. 138 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,629 I don't know what I'll do, but it's got to be a career move 139 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,796 and not just another arbitrary job. 140 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,239 Um... 141 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,751 Tim says it's better to be at the foot of a ladder you want to climb 142 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,836 than halfway up one you don't. 143 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:05,197 But I don't... I just don't want to be treading water 144 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,790 and wake up in five years and say, "Shit! Done it again." 145 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,596 (GRATING WHIRRING NOISE) 146 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,832 Do you think you could...? 147 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,111 Could you not do that here, mate? Not do that here? 148 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,196 I've got to do it, mate. Really. 149 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,115 No chance you could throw it in the bin? 150 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,913 Yeah, and I'll take them round to rival companies and hand them out. 151 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:43,396 Good point, but could you throw it in the bin? 152 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,312 Gareth, can you keep it down a bit? 153 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,396 - Hmm? - Can you stop it? 154 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,435 Yeah. I'll just do it like this. 155 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,910 - Hiya. - Hi, David. Are you ready? 156 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,314 Yeah. 157 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,036 - Who's she? - Don't know. 158 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,959 I promised you some kind of answer today. 159 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,358 I don't think it's the one you're expecting. Firstly, I'm moving on. 160 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:30,871 - Have you been fired? - No. I've been made into a partner. 161 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:36,193 They've made you a partner? That'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor Clark. 162 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,356 They'll have to change the stationery. 163 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,836 - I think we'll get a discount. - 40% sometimes. 164 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,394 The point is, my job is now available 165 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,990 and the board thought that you or Neil should do it. 166 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:54,475 I can tell you the board have voted 5-2 in favour of you taking it. 167 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,996 Voted for me 5-2? There's only seven on the board. 168 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,759 Five out of seven. That's a landslide. 169 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,632 - David... - Go on. 170 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,594 You've made it clear that you're 100% committed to your branch. 171 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,759 You do understand that if you take on my job, Neil will stay in Swindon 172 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,077 and your branch will be downsized and incorporated into his? 173 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,474 Yup. 174 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,239 I know that you're loyal to your family... 175 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,670 I'd be loyal to the whole family. It's one big family. 176 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:28,316 I just know that you have strong emotional ties to your team. 177 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:33,468 Yeah, but there is the emotion as "good in business" syndrome, sure, 178 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,115 notwithstanding the cruel to be kind scenario... 179 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,832 Sorry, you've lost me. 180 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,669 You're not looking at the whole pie. Wernham Hogg is one big pie 181 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,473 and if I'm in charge of that big pie, 182 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,672 I'll be in charge of... The people are the fruit. 183 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,394 I don't have time for the pie thing, David. 184 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,114 I'm saying, OK, I'll take the job, please. 185 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:58,153 Good. OK. The first step is to meet with Alan and the board. 186 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,477 Yup. What's five out of seven as a percentage? 187 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,919 Er... 70%. 188 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,679 71.4. So... 189 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,952 Call Susan and arrange to meet the board and finalise all the details. 190 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,036 Congratulations and good luck. 191 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,119 You don't need luck when you've got 71% of the population behind you. 192 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,912 She's still here. 193 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,992 Bye, Jennifer. 194 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,231 - What do you think? - He looked all right. 195 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,554 - How did it go? - What did she say? 196 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,033 Fine. 197 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,878 What's the damage? 198 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,158 It's complicated. 199 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,794 - Are you going to tell us? - Yeah. 200 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,999 David? 201 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,199 (DOOR SHUTS) 202 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:56,793 (KNOCKING) 203 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,997 We'd like to know now. 204 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,111 OK. All right. 205 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,319 OK. Gather. 206 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,399 Um... 207 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,229 Well, there's good news and bad news. 208 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,751 The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches 209 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,996 and some of you will lose your jobs. 210 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:25,597 Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon... 211 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,158 I know, I know. Gutting. Gutting. 212 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,958 You didn't see me. 213 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:39,159 On a more positive note, the good news is I've been promoted. 214 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,718 So... every cloud... 215 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,189 You're still thinking about the bad news. 216 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,915 There's no good news. It's bad news and irrelevant news. 217 00:13:56,040 --> 00:14:00,318 That's not a phrase though. "I've got bad news and irrelevant news." 218 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,399 You could have told us about Neil and kept your promotion to yourself. 219 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,317 Or told you the good news first... 220 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,590 There is no good news, David. 221 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,110 I think promotion is generally considered good news. 222 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,676 - We're going to lose our jobs! - You're not all going to. 223 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,153 God! Just... 224 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,750 You're not going to lose your job. You're not going to. 225 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,916 You know... You're not going to. 226 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,350 So just get it in perspective, yeah? 227 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,234 Come on. 228 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,555 You know there's only seven people on the board... 229 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,353 When are the rest of us going to find out? 230 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,799 I can't believe it. After all the things he said, it's just... 231 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,558 I'm in shock. 232 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,239 Sold us out. 233 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:52,839 Wanker. 234 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,560 What? David Brent's leaving? 235 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,591 So you're definitely leaving? 236 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,391 Yup, it would appear so. 237 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,797 What about us? 238 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,798 - There's nothing between us. - Not like that. 239 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,831 But we're a team. 240 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,076 I'm Assistant Regional Manager. 241 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,953 - Assistant to the Regional Manager. - Yeah. 242 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:30,074 So I can still be your assistant if you're going off to the...? 243 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:34,318 No. I'll be getting a proper assistant - a P.A. 244 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,271 - A lady? - Hopefully, yeah. 245 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,436 Not 'cause of that, just... 246 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:42,951 What about Neil? Does he need an...? I could be his assistant. 247 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,275 Neil's bringing his man with him. 248 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,517 Bloody good guy. Bloke called Terry someone. 249 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,676 You'd like him. He's ex-army. 250 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,199 Territorial? 251 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,393 - No. - Regular? 252 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,033 Yeah. 253 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,553 - What rank? - Sergeant, I think. 254 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,592 What are you? 255 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,119 Lieutenant, sir. 256 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:10,593 Anyway... 257 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,391 That's it, then, is it? 258 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,476 The old team on the scrapheap. 259 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,552 It's all gone. 260 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,716 Gareth... come on. 261 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:26,119 You're a soldier. Yeah? Eh? Yeah? 262 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,356 Stiff upper lip and all that, eh? 263 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:33,110 Spirit of the Dambusters. Yeah? The squadron never dies, does it? 264 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,758 - Seen that film? - Yeah. I've got it on video. 265 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,518 Well then, yeah? 266 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:42,030 Before he goes into battle, he's playing with his dog. 267 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,196 - Nigger. - That's not offensive. 268 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:48,029 That's the dog's name. It's the '40s, before racism was bad. 269 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,993 - The dog was called Nigger. - Don't keep saying it. 270 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,679 Eh? 271 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,996 So, take anything. 272 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:06,113 Choose one thing. Choose a memento. From me to you. 273 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,356 - Take anything you want. - To keep? 274 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,675 - Yup. - I'll have the guitar. 275 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,190 Not the guitar. I meant stationery. Something I can re-order. 276 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,311 The hole punch. That's always handy. 277 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,876 - All right? - Yeah? 278 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,671 Bloody good one, that. 279 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,398 Like confetti. 280 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,911 Could be used as confetti, yeah. 281 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,114 Check with the vicar first, always. 282 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,273 Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth. 283 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,393 - It's just... - Put it there. 284 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,110 I don't see it as letting people down. 285 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:57,791 If we're a family, it's time to let them stand on their own two feet. 286 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,754 You can be sure that if they were in my position, they'd take the job. 287 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,952 "Thanks for the opportunity and the great jokes." 288 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,275 You know, this is a business. 289 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,915 I'm not doing this for an Esther Rantzen Heart of Gold, 290 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:15,238 or if Esther's handing out awards, then do it for my charity work. 291 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,999 Five fun runs in two years. 292 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:22,716 So why don't you ask Philippa Norris or Simon Coleman at Mencap 293 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,796 what they think of David Brent? 294 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:30,955 So... 295 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,918 (ROCK BAND PLAYS) 296 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:41,035 It's the end of the financial year and Spirits Are In The Sky. 297 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,879 # Going on up to the spirit in the sky 298 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,479 # Spirit in the sky 299 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,989 # That's where I'm gonna go when I die 300 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,474 # When I die 301 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,875 # When I die and they lay me to rest... # 302 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,389 You're all smug now. You're moving away. But think of me. 303 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,476 The shoe could be on the other foot. 304 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,718 - You're going to be all right. - Yeah. I work hard. I earn my keep. 305 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,992 Unfortunately, the history books are full of just people 306 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:12,478 who toil and fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others and... 307 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,592 That's the most profound thing you've ever said. 308 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,838 You do that and foreigners, women or the disabled take advantage of it. 309 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,916 Can I withdraw my last comment? 310 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,631 - What do you think of her? - A bit out of your league. 311 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,910 - Definitely. - No. Smug. 312 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,430 You think you're so... Just 'cause you got a bit of Donna, 313 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,552 and I played by the rules 'cause she was out of bounds. 314 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,753 You sneaked in. I'd have got a bit if I'd known it was up for grabs. 315 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,839 I'd have done her, but that would be shitting on your own doorstep. 316 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,916 Anyway, I don't do sloppy seconds. 317 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:49,079 It's phrases like sloppy seconds which make her out of your league. 318 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,999 # Now I'm walking on sunshine 319 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,394 # Whoa! 320 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,318 # I'm walking on sunshine 321 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:00,953 # Whoa! 322 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,719 # I'm walking on sunshine 323 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,159 # Whoa! 324 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,077 # And don't it feel good 325 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,760 # Hey! All right now 326 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,518 # And don't it feel good 327 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,358 # Hey! Yeah... # 328 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,592 (MUSIC STOPS) 329 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,278 Hello! 330 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,076 Welcome, everybody. A few things. 331 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,590 See the raffle there? That's going to start later. 332 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,712 You can win a printer. Something I'd bloody love. 333 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,158 Although if I won it, I'd give it to charity or something, 334 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,350 but that's... No pressure. 335 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,675 Good luck to Ricky, 336 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,838 who's off pursuing his career starting Monday. 337 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,599 Have we got him a gift or something? 338 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,590 You haven't been here long. 339 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,678 Should have seen what we got Pete Gibbons. Oooh! 340 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,553 He'll tell you. We all remember that. So... 341 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,432 Just come from a meeting at Head Office, 342 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,874 where I was officially offered the job as UK Manager. 343 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,839 As you know, taking that job means a lot of you will lose your jobs, 344 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,757 and I'd just like to say... 345 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,394 I told them to shove their job up their arses! 346 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,160 - So you're staying here? - Yes. We all are. 347 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,794 We'll incorporate Swindon. So... 348 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,515 Hip hip hooray for David Brent! Hip hip... 349 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,039 (SCATTERED APPLAUSE) 350 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,118 Stop it. Seriously. Move on. Let's move on. 351 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,629 So have a good... Let's rock! 352 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,275 Smashey and Nicey! Put the record on when I do that. 353 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:38,874 Clumsy. 354 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,874 (MUSIC: "SEX BOMB" BY TOM JONES) 355 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,352 # You're my sex bomb 356 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:49,269 # You can give it to me when I need to come along 357 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,231 # Sex bomb, sex bomb 358 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,431 # You're my sex bomb 359 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,950 # Baby, you can turn me on Turn me on... # 360 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,957 (MUSIC: "TRAGEDY" BY STEPS) 361 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,196 - Tim! - All right, mate? 362 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,392 - Did you ask my girlfriend out? - Eh? No. 363 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,636 - You hit on someone's girlfriend? - No. 364 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,149 - I can't let that go. - No. Listen... 365 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,589 - We've got a problem. - No, we haven't. 366 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,996 - What are we going to do? - Lee, I asked her out as a friend. 367 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,076 It was just a soldier to cry on. 368 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,679 - A soldier? - Shoulder. 369 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,995 A soldier? Are you bent or something? 370 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,313 - Is this a wind-up? - Yeah. Sorry, mate. 371 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,398 - Don't do that, man! - Having a laugh. I'm sorry. 372 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,193 - She's a good-looking girl. - Yeah, she is. 373 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,513 # Tragedy 374 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,037 # When the feeling's gone and you can't go on, it's tragedy 375 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,674 # When the morning cries and you don't know why 376 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,509 # It's hard to bear with no one to love you 377 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,551 # It's going nowhere 378 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,870 # Tragedy! When you lose control and you've got no soul 379 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,832 # It's tragedy 380 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,190 # When the morning cries and your heart just dies 381 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,835 # It's hard to bear with no one beside you 382 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,473 # You're going nowhere... # 383 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,270 (MUSIC: "THE ONLY WAY IS UP" BY YAZZ) 384 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,233 That's the thing about leadership. Sometimes you sacrifice yourself. 385 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,676 We just wanted to say that was a really good thing you did. 386 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,153 Really impressive. 387 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,953 I'd prefer your respect individually, but cheers. 388 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,036 You've got our respect individually. 389 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:39,073 I'd believe that if he hadn't jumped on top of you. 390 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,475 - Actually, I was on top! - All right. 391 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,556 We just wanted to say well done. 392 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,516 And they probably did oral. 393 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,160 All right? Enjoying the party? 394 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,470 So they offered you the job? 395 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,513 Yeah. The thing is I've been with this nutty lot way too long 396 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,519 to sell them down the river, so not interested. 397 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,632 It's just that I was speaking to Paula and she... 398 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,512 - Paula? - Alan's assistant. 399 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:16,599 She thinks you didn't take the job not because you didn't want it, 400 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:20,679 but because you failed the medical because of high blood pressure. 401 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:26,756 Ask yourself why I got high blood pressure on the day of the medical. 402 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,668 Are you saying you cheated science and faked high blood pressure 403 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,836 so you could remain in the job? 404 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,952 - You've got to ask yourself that. - Did you? 405 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:40,073 What's worse - cheating medical science or cheating friends? 406 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:44,830 The board of directors said, "David, you're the best man for the job. 407 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,315 "We won't take no for an answer. 408 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,672 "Oh, you failed the medical. Oh, all right, stay with your..." 409 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,839 For all your mole knows, they may or may not have said that to me. 410 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,996 They may or may not have. 411 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:02,079 So you faked high blood pressure in order to fail a medical test? 412 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,279 Oh, no. 413 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:06,958 See you later. 414 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,193 (MUSIC: "I'M NOT IN LOVE" BY 10CC) 415 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,953 # Ooh, you went a long time for me 416 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,796 # Ooh, you went a long time 417 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:39,553 # Oooh, you went a long time for me 418 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,269 # Ooh, you went a long time 419 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,030 # I'm not in love 420 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,470 # So don't forget 421 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:02,238 # It's just a silly phase I'm going through 422 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,555 # I'm not in love 423 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,548 # I'm not in love... # 424 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,436 So when are you leaving me? 425 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,869 It probably won't be for quite a while. 426 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,912 - Autumn? - Probably not. 427 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,959 Oh. I thought you wanted to go back to university. 428 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,072 Yeah, I will, but there's a slight change of plan. 429 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,239 Oh, right. 430 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,514 David's made me Senior Sales Clerk. 431 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:38,794 Wow. 432 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,073 Um... 433 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,714 I thought you wanted to be a psychologist. 434 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,718 Oh, yeah. But Senior Sales Clerk is... 435 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,913 Well, it's 500 quid guaranteed extra a year. 436 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,316 If I do a bit of networking, then there's every chance 437 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,398 I could be in David's chair in three years. So... 438 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,836 Um... All that talk about, like, moving on in the world... 439 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,235 No. Moving up. Yeah? Moving up. 440 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:10,512 Moving up can mean within an internal ladder, framework, 441 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,234 or sideways to external, then up. 442 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:17,433 You've got to look at the whole pie vis-à-vis my current life situation. 443 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,551 Vis-à...? Pie...? 444 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,669 Which means, of course, that my old job is free. 445 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,595 So, you know... Have a word. 446 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,119 Timothy! 447 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,994 (MUSIC: "TRUE" BY SPANDAU BALLET) 448 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:57,719 You grow up, you work half a century, you get a golden handshake, 449 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,479 you rest a couple of years, and you're dead. 450 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,990 The only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is 451 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:08,477 "Did I enjoy it? What was the point?" That's where I come in. 452 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,956 You've seen how I react to people, make them feel good, 453 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,719 make them think that anything's possible. 454 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,559 If I make them laugh along the way, sue me. 455 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:22,874 I don't do it so they say, "Thank you for the opportunity. 456 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,310 "Thank you for the wisdom. Thank you for the laughs." 457 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:30,877 I do it so one day, someone will go, "There goes David Brent. 458 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,117 "I must remember to thank him." 459 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,913 # So what becomes of you, my love 460 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:51,119 # When they have finally stripped you of 461 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,913 # The handbags and the gladrags 462 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:58,272 # That your granddad had to sweat so you could buy. # 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net