1 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,794 - Hello. You all right? - Yeah. Good, thanks. 2 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,959 See that film last night? Denzil Washington? 3 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,277 - No. - He's a brilliant actor. 4 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,677 - He's very good. - Oh, dear. 5 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,314 - I like him. - He's great. 6 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,438 - See you later. - See you later. 7 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:04,034 - He's not my favourite actor of all time. - No? 8 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,438 No. My favourite actor of all time is Mr Sidney Poitier. 9 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,797 - Well. - So... All right? 10 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,594 Yeah. Amazing. 11 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,988 - Gareth, are you building up your wrists? - Yes. 12 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,555 When is the charity wank-athon? 13 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:35,514 - I don't know, but you'd win it. - That's good. 14 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:40,157 - Seriously, what are you doing? - Orienteering with the TAs. 15 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,232 All right? 16 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:49,670 - Yeah. I've just come to apologise. - Don't worry about it. 17 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:54,670 No. I was out of order. I'd had a really bad day. I shouldn't have done it. 18 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,438 Well... 19 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:00,713 - So we're cool, yeah? - Absolutely. Totally cool. 20 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:03,434 What's that? Is that for me? 21 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,596 - Yeah. - Cheers. 22 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,156 There's nothing going on between them. 23 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:14,036 I've been watching him and I imagine you've been watching her, 24 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,312 so between us we've got it covered. 25 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:26,117 - See you later, mate. - Yeah. Thanks for that. Cheers. 26 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:34,439 - Probably a bottle of something. - You reckon? 27 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,949 Look at the shape. 28 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,994 Today I'm doing our staff appraisals. 29 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,078 Some people can get nervous - 30 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,956 they think they're putting their head on the block, which is wrong. 31 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,594 They fill out a form in advance 32 00:02:54,800 --> 00:03:00,830 and they don't only list their strengths and weaknesses, but also mine as a boss. 33 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:05,477 So it's a chance for them to tell me where we're going wrong. 34 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:10,435 - It's an opportunity... - To separate the wheat from the chaff. 35 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:15,839 No. That sounds bad. We're not trying to find out who the worst people are. 36 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,476 We know who they are. I've put them on my form. 37 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,240 - No... - I've underlined the worst ones. 38 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,273 You're missing the point. Yeah... 39 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,834 - Hello, David. - Here he is. 40 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,555 Tim Canterbury. A good man. "The Canterbury Tales." 41 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,880 - Chaucer. - Yup. 42 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,036 And Shakespeare. 43 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,828 Pleased with you. Very proud. New leaf, et cetera. 44 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:52,319 Trust, encouragement, reward, loyalty, satisfaction. That's what I'm... 45 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:56,035 Wondering why I am so generous with encouragement? 46 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,478 Trust people and they'll be true to you. 47 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:05,356 Treat them greatly and they will show themselves to be great. 48 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,029 So happier now? No looking back? 49 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,949 I am eventually going to do a psychology degree, but... 50 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:18,757 No point. No point. Sure, 18-19, go to university, get it out of your system. 51 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,350 Waste time mucking around, getting drunk... 52 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:26,314 - Having casual sex. - But we're in our 30s now. 53 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:32,834 - I'm only just 30. You're 39? - No. Both in our 30s is the fact. Yeah? 54 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:42,790 Who's to say? In a few years time, you could be in the hot seat... like me. 55 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:47,676 - When I'm nearly 40. - We're both in our 30s at the moment. 56 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:52,954 Just chewing the fat. Good. You're on the right lines. 57 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:58,075 Can I just...? If we're facing in the right direction, 58 00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:01,955 all we have to do is keep on walking. 59 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,510 Very nice. You're quite a philosopher. 60 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,793 It's just that I think our greatest glory... 61 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,709 is not in never falling, but in rising when we do. 62 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,195 - Are you reading these? - What? 63 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,953 Confucius. Bernard Shaw... 64 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:26,119 It doesn't matter who said them. I'm passing on my wisdom. 65 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:31,917 Don't tell those I've been reading these. It's an insult. I'll put it down there. 66 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,953 I wanted to be a children's illustrator. 67 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,799 When people asked what I did, I'd say, 68 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,754 "I'm an illustrator, but I do some reception work." 69 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:49,033 For years I was an illustrator who did some reception work. 70 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:53,677 Then Lee thought we should both get full-time jobs. 71 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:59,034 Then you're knackered after work and it's hard to do illustrating. 72 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:04,030 Now, when people ask what I do, I say, "I'm a receptionist." 73 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,714 And a bloody good one. 74 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:14,152 You'll always have the art. Keep up the doodling always. 75 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:18,399 - Pipe dreams are good. - I still hope it will happen. 76 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:24,391 Keep the dream alive because otherwise you'll go, "Could I have made it?" 77 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:30,311 If you keep trying, when it doesn't happen, you can go, "At least I gave it a go." 78 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,988 You know? 79 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,748 - Are you settling in all right? - Yeah. 80 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,394 - Having fun? - Yeah. 81 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,275 As much fun as you can have at Wernham-Hogg. 82 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:53,237 - How long were you at Swindon? - Two years. 83 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,876 If you had to name a role model... 84 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,956 who would it be? 85 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:06,235 - Like a historical person? - No, just someone in general life. 86 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:12,879 There's my mum. She's strong, calm in the face of adversity. 87 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:16,390 I remember when she had a hysterectomy... 88 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:21,833 If it wasn't your mother, though. It doesn't even have to be a woman. 89 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:27,034 A man? OK. I suppose if it was a man it'd be my father. 90 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:33,395 Not your father. Take your parents as read. I mean someone in the work-related arena. 91 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,388 Right. OK. I suppose Tim, then. He's always... 92 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:42,116 He's a friend. Not a friend. Someone in authority. 93 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:47,440 - Then, I suppose Jennifer. - We said not a woman. Or am I...? 94 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:52,839 Er... OK. I suppose you're the only one who... 95 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,955 Embarrassing. It's backfired. Oh, dear. Very flattering. 96 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,913 - Can we put me as a...? - OK. Tim, then. 97 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,793 - We said not Tim. Do you want me? - OK. 98 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,958 - So shall I put "strong role model"? - OK. 99 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,558 (ALARM RINGS) 100 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:24,719 Just a drill. Do not panic. 101 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:30,040 - He's trained. Good man. - Come on, people, let's get moving. 102 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,676 - I'd be the last one out. - Do not run and do not panic. 103 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:39,477 That's just what I do. We do these every couple of months. 104 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:45,949 Even though I'm always cool in a situation like this, some people are not, 105 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,958 and so I try to make sure... I'll do that. 106 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,596 - We were... - No, no. I've got it. 107 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,314 I'm going to get you out of here. 108 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:12,078 The lifts... are out of bounds... in a fire... situation, 109 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,750 so the important thing is... Put her down. 110 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,988 This isn't worth it. It's stupid. 111 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:25,079 This is just a drill, so we can leave her here. 112 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:29,034 - Can't I use the lift? - No, not even in a drill. 113 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,595 We won't be a minute. 114 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:56,473 I've got no problem with him visiting every child in a night, 115 00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:01,196 but I can't believe he stands in Barnardo's arguing with old women. 116 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:07,071 I don't know if you're aware of the situation that's arising here. 117 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:12,229 I usually steer clear of ladies at work, but there's someone I've got my eye on. 118 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:16,399 I won't say who. I don't know what Tim's playing at. 119 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:21,435 He embarrassed himself asking Dawn out and this will end in tears. 120 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,110 Whereas I, you probably notice, play it cool. 121 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,756 He's not a man of the world like me. 122 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,719 I can read women. You've got to know their needs. 123 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:38,596 That can be making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries 124 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:43,555 or making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse. 125 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,511 (ALARM CONTINUES) 126 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,876 You were using all your best lines on Rachel. 127 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,833 Best lines! Just being friendly. 128 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,635 It was friendly, but more than. 129 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,274 - More than? - Friendly. 130 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:24,754 Under "strengths", you've just put "accounts". 131 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,473 Yeah. 132 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,270 That's your job, though. That's just... 133 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:39,033 Keith. I'm looking for skills within your job. Is there anything else you can put? 134 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,676 - No. - OK. 135 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,318 Under "weaknesses", you've put "eczema". 136 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,672 You had a fantastically welcoming buffet. 137 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:01,271 - The wine was something else. - Everyone's quite friendly. 138 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:06,235 - Everyone's... And Tim seems nice. - Yeah. He's a good laugh. 139 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,951 I've just got to... Has he got a girlfriend? 140 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,311 - Tim? No. - Why? What's up? 141 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,399 - Nothing. - Why? Would you? 142 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,876 Mm? Out of the equation. 143 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,117 I know, but if you weren't, would he...? 144 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,312 If I weren't? Madness. 145 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:37,437 You've left this section blank. You haven't done the Q&A. 146 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:42,077 - I thought you filled that in. - No. This is aimed at you. 147 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:48,150 "To what extent do you believe that you have the skills to perform your job effectively?" 148 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:53,434 You tick the boxes. "Not at all. To some extent. Very much so. Don't know." 149 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,519 - What would you tick? - Don't know. 150 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,313 OK. 151 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:08,355 "Do you feel you have received adequate training to use your computer effectively?" 152 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:17,198 - What are the options? - They're always the same. 153 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,756 "Not at all. To some extent. Very much so. Don't know." 154 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,236 - Don't know. - Don't know again. OK. 155 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:31,278 "Do you feel you are given the flexibility to decide how to accomplish your goals?" 156 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,356 - Do you want the options? - Yeah. 157 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,836 "Not at all. To some extent..." Always the same. 158 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,190 - "Very much so. Don't know." - Don't know. 159 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,154 If "Don't know" wasn't there, what would you put? 160 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,076 - What are the options? - "Not at all. To some extent. 161 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,840 - "Very much so. Don't know." - Very much so. 162 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,996 - Do you remember the question? - No. 163 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,636 "Do you...?" We're going to leave that. 164 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:15,274 Just going to give the new Swindon lot a... It's not an appraisal as such, but... 165 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,233 (LAUGHTER) 166 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:24,037 - Sorry. Just showing them... - Keep them occupied before the main event. 167 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,995 I hope you warmed them up better than last time! Doesn't look like it. 168 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:33,830 - OK. See you later. - See you. Bye. 169 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,669 Anyway... good. Hello. 170 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:43,438 I can't give you an appraisal - you've only been here a week - 171 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,632 but I wanted to see how you're settling in. 172 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:53,909 I know it's not the same vibe you're used to. Neil ruled with more of an iron fist. 173 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,873 Settling in? Having a good time? 174 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,990 How is it different? 175 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,078 More laid back, presumably. 176 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,876 - Think it's more laid back? Yeah? - Yeah... 177 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,834 Say yes, then, if it's more laid back. More fun. 178 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,632 - Well... - Eh? 179 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,796 - Nothing. - Go on. 180 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:25,269 We're actually used to doing stuff, like working hard, being motivated. 181 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:29,917 There's not much dynamism. People get away with murder. 182 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:34,511 - Having a laugh, yes. - Quite a few of us are bored. 183 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,473 What, you prefer Swindon? 184 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,515 - More of a laugh. - You're having a laugh saying that. 185 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,518 What's so good about Swindon? Neil? 186 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,792 - Yeah, for one. - You prefer Neil to me? 187 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,393 Who thinks Neil's more of a laugh than me? 188 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:59,990 That's mental! Come off it. You... 189 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:04,876 Come out for a drink with me and see who's more of a laugh. 190 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,516 We'll go for a drink lunchtime. Right. 191 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:15,438 Right. Here we are. There's an outing, lunchtime. 192 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:20,350 Show them what the Slough lot are like. Keith, what are you doing lunchtime? 193 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,838 Welcome to Alcoholic's Anonymous! No. Purely social. 194 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:36,034 I know an alcoholic and it's no laughing matter - particularly for his wife. 195 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,869 She's got alopecia, so not a happy home life. 196 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,550 Their eldest is like Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man". 197 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,753 That probably turned him to it in the first place. 198 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,474 Looking forward to the weekend? 199 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,194 - Yeah. - Cheers. 200 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,992 That's a lovely drop. That's Courage. 201 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:03,149 You get a lot of that round here because the main brewery's in Reading. 202 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,158 They do it in London too. 203 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:12,071 What's the brewery in Swindon? Is there a big...? 204 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,716 - It might be Courage actually. - Dunno. 205 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,276 No. This is all right, though, isn't it? 206 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,154 - Nice pub... Eh? - Just a private joke. 207 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:29,798 I was saying this is nice. There's a lovely pub near me - the Gardener's Arms. 208 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:35,518 - What are you doing? - That bloke looks like someone we know. 209 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:41,158 OK. One at a time. Focus. You'll get more out of it in the long run, I promise. 210 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,639 I forgot what I was saying. That's what happens when you... 211 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,752 Courage... 212 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:57,475 - Three points. - Don't do that on my head. 213 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:04,279 - Unless you've changed into a dartboard. - The dartboard makes no difference to you. 214 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,074 I could sit here and still get 180. 215 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:11,273 - Hiya. You all right? - Straight. 216 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,950 A couple of my mates are going down to Yates's... 217 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:20,917 - The wine lodge? Classy. Joking. - I was wondering if you'd like to come. 218 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,237 Or not. And you, Dawn. Bring Lee. 219 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,911 - I don't think we can... - OK. You can come? 220 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,669 - Yeah, I can. - Great. OK. 221 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,395 - Tonight? - Yeah. Just after work. 222 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,478 - Have a couple of drinks, yeah. - Cool. 223 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:43,116 - OK. See you later. - See you in a bit. 224 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,829 - That'll be fun. - Yeah. Yes. 225 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,112 It'll be cool. Cool as a cucumber. 226 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,798 - Good? - It was all right. 227 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,911 I've eaten here, so... 228 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,995 If you want a really good pie - The Gardeners. 229 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:45,315 It's been a washout, hasn't it? If no one else is going to make the effort. 230 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,590 - We have made the effort. - Eh? 231 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:52,555 - We have made the effort. - Yeah. I'm not having a go at you. 232 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:57,754 Obviously the best people haven't come. I'm going back to the office. 233 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,316 See you later. 234 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,192 - Come on, Neil. - All right. 235 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,755 - Gareth. - Nearly. 236 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,188 - What are you doing? - Having a laugh. 237 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,996 You could have had a laugh in the pub. Dangerous, isn't it? 238 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:31,672 - You should work. It's quarter past two. - All right. We're just finishing off. 239 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:37,318 Just want to be popular as the new boss. Oh, love me! Pathetic! 240 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:52,034 I think we should call it a day there. Do you mind putting those away? 241 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,993 Guys, can we go back to work? 242 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,273 - David, can I have a word? - If you want. 243 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,711 Obviously you've got a problem, what is it? 244 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:07,037 No. Time for work, wasn't it? 245 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:12,633 If you don't want to say, fine, but don't speak to me like that in front of staff. 246 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,354 - You're acting like a petulant kid. - Yeah. 247 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:22,038 Don't stand out there and embarrass me and yourself, because I will not stand for it. 248 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:26,028 I've been trying to deal with this situation delicately 249 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:31,268 because I was embarrassed that I'm now your boss, but you have to live with it. 250 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:37,191 I don't let anyone talk to me like that and certainly not you. Do you understand? 251 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,517 Do you understand? Good. 252 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:46,272 You're a good bloke, Dave, and if there's a problem I'd rather discuss it sensibly. 253 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,436 Shake on it? 254 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,596 Great. Thank you. 255 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:04,077 - I'll see you guys later. Take care. - Cheers, Neil. 256 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,030 - Did you hear any of that conversation? - No. 257 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,630 I had it out with Neil. He showed his true colours. 258 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,308 He seems like a good bloke. 259 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:27,389 I'd better not say anything, then. Watch your back. Slagging you off. 260 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,989 - Slagging you off. - Me personally? 261 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,034 - Just me? - Yeah. And you. Slagging all you lot off. 262 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,949 - What's he saying? - Saying you lot were rubbish. 263 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,709 I was going, "Your Swindon lot are shit." 264 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,879 - He got aggressive and I went berserk. - Did you hit him? 265 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:50,676 - He'd have come through that wall. - He's pretty trim, mate. 266 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,189 Yeah? Against karate? 267 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:57,871 - What did he actually say about us? - Just slagging you lot off. 268 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,278 I went, "Your Swindon lot are little slugs with no personality. 269 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,756 "You're jealous that we're better at everything." 270 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:10,158 If it did kick off with him, I don't want you lot getting hurt. 271 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,796 - I'd step in. - This is big boy shit, mate. 272 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,437 Hit him above the ears because the vacuum in the brain kills instantly. 273 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,792 I'd want to keep the twat alive with the shit I was going to pull. 274 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,155 - All right? - Hello. 275 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:40,397 - You don't have a boyfriend, do you? - No. 276 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,832 - Any kids from previous marriages? - No. 277 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:50,990 - Would you like to come out for a drink? - I can't. I'm going to go out with Tim. 278 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,270 - Tonight? - Yeah. 279 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,313 - Can I come? - Not really. 280 00:23:57,360 --> 00:24:01,353 - You're not going to get off with him? - It's not your business. 281 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:07,635 Sorry. It's none of my business. Go and have a drink, by all means. Enjoy yourself. 282 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:12,118 If you don't go all the way with Tim, I will still be interested. 283 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:16,313 Thanks. Good to know I have something to fall back on. 284 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,274 What if I go all the way with Tim but want more with you? 285 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,440 I don't usually do sloppy seconds, 286 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:30,431 but I judge things on individual merit, so we'll cross that river when we come to it. 287 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,110 - Thanks. That's good to know. - No problem. 288 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:42,194 - One in the kettle? - Yeah. It's just boiled. 289 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,472 One amendment. If you do go all the way with Tim 290 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:51,038 and you expect me to go in there afterwards, make sure he wears a condom. 291 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,196 It's sort of a rule. 292 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,790 - Is there any milk? - Yeah. In the fridge. 293 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,754 - See ya. - See you later, mate. 294 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,153 - You going home? - Yup. 295 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,308 - That's for you. - Cheers. 296 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,592 Can you call Neilson's... 297 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:37,716 and get that credit rate faxed over or emailed or whatever? 298 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,239 Sure. 299 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:45,072 And do you mind typing up those appraisal contracts? 300 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,840 - Sure. See you Monday. - See you. 301 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:52,875 Dawn, I'm fed up. I'm fed up, to be honest. It's just... 302 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:57,949 - Why? - I think this place is a right shit hole. 303 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,276 - Do you? - Yeah. 304 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:09,758 - Do you think I'm funny? - Mmm. Yup. 305 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,918 Do you think Neil's funny? Sit down. 306 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:18,751 Do I think Neil's funny? I don't really know him, David. 307 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,919 - But he's not funnier than me? - Definitely not. 308 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:28,752 I wish you'd tell that to the Swindon lot - miserable bunch of... Aren't they? Boring. 309 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,359 What's your favourite stuff that I do, comedy-wise? 310 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,917 Um... Oh, there's too much. 311 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:43,554 - The impressions? - Yeah. 312 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:49,949 - Which ones? - Er... Which ones are there again? 313 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,116 - Kermit? - Brilliant. 314 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:56,598 "Welcome to the er Muppet Show." "Hai-ya, Frog!" 315 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,554 Miss Piggy. Do you know Kermit's nephew, Robin? 316 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:05,515 # Halfway up the stair is the stair where I sit... # 317 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,679 - Do you do Gonzo? - No. Do you want a beer? 318 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:15,955 - Er... I can't go to the pub. - I've got some here ready. 319 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,435 For emergencies. 320 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,917 Cheers. 321 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,869 I was looking through... 322 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,676 some old poems I used to do. 323 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,348 - Oh? I didn't know. - Yeah. 324 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:47,237 - What sort of...? - Quite sort of... powerful. Here's one. 325 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:51,877 Shall I read one to you? This one's called "Excalibur". 326 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:59,277 "I froze your tears and made a dagger and stabbed it in my cock forever. 327 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:03,951 "It stays there like Excalibur. Are you my Arthur? Say you are." 328 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,550 - Good... - "Take this cool, dark, steeled blade. 329 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,957 "Steal it, sheath it in your lake. 330 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:17,110 "I'd drown with you to be together. Must you breathe? 'Cause I need heaven." 331 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,796 - Um... It's powerful. - Very. 332 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,753 - Did you get the double meanings? - I did. 333 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,360 (WHISTLING) 334 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,956 # So what becomes of you, my love, 335 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:58,797 # When they have finally stripped you of 336 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,434 # The handbags and the gladrags 337 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:05,679 # That your granddad had to sweat so you could buy? # 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net