1
00:00:02,647 --> 00:00:06,196
# They say l might as well face the truth
2
00:00:06,247 --> 00:00:09,683
# That l am just too long in the tooth
3
00:00:09,727 --> 00:00:13,163
# So l'm an OAP and weak-kneed
4
00:00:13,207 --> 00:00:16,597
# But l have not yet quite gone to seed
5
00:00:16,647 --> 00:00:20,686
# l may be over the hill
now that l have retired
6
00:00:20,727 --> 00:00:24,003
# Fading away but l'm not yet expired
7
00:00:24,047 --> 00:00:28,165
# Clapped out, rundown, too old to save
8
00:00:28,207 --> 00:00:30,402
# One foot in the grave #
9
00:00:33,007 --> 00:00:34,998
- (Baby cries)
- (Siren blares)
10
00:00:49,287 --> 00:00:52,518
What's this? More paraphernalia?
11
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:58,522
Royal Society
for the Prevention of Accidents.
12
00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:02,526
Some survey. l though l'd fill it in
while we're waiting for the X-rays.
13
00:01:02,567 --> 00:01:07,083
''Give a brief description
14
00:01:07,127 --> 00:01:10,039
''of how the accident occurred.''
15
00:01:10,087 --> 00:01:12,920
A garden shed fell on him.
16
00:01:14,287 --> 00:01:17,597
l've put,
''Rotting timbers collapsed on head
17
00:01:17,647 --> 00:01:21,435
''while dismantling old outhouse
in rear garden.''
18
00:01:21,487 --> 00:01:27,119
''Was the accident unavoidable
or due to the patient's carelessness?''
19
00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:29,601
Carelessness.
20
00:01:29,647 --> 00:01:31,638
Put, ''Stupidity''.
21
00:01:31,687 --> 00:01:34,520
That was asking for trouble
in anyone's book,
22
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:39,083
unscrewing all the nails in a building
before you've take the roof off.
23
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:42,682
We don't know that's what happened.
24
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:47,721
All Mrs Beasley heard was a loud crash
as she was clipping her cockerel,
25
00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,837
and when she rushed round,
26
00:01:49,887 --> 00:01:53,846
there he was, lying semiconscious
under a pile of rubble.
27
00:01:53,887 --> 00:01:56,481
With all that red paint
spilled down his trousers,
28
00:01:56,527 --> 00:02:01,282
naturally she thought the injuries
were more horrific than they were.
29
00:02:01,327 --> 00:02:04,319
Still turns my stomach over
to think about it.
30
00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:10,361
lmagine finding someone with a piece
of broken glass between his legs
31
00:02:10,407 --> 00:02:14,764
and thinking it had cut off his...
32
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:20,637
You'd think the ambulance men
would have checked first
33
00:02:20,687 --> 00:02:23,360
before taking her word for it,
34
00:02:23,407 --> 00:02:27,605
rushing that mouldy carrot
to hospital in a specialised box.
35
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:35,918
l suppose it's a mistake
any of us could have made.
36
00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:40,362
Yes.
37
00:02:40,407 --> 00:02:44,400
l don't think
they were any too experienced.
38
00:02:44,447 --> 00:02:48,122
God knows what was in that painkilling
injection they gave him.
39
00:02:49,687 --> 00:02:52,645
He was laughing at a pencil
a few minutes ago.
40
00:02:53,927 --> 00:02:57,715
How are you feeling now, Mr Meldrew?
All right?
41
00:02:59,047 --> 00:03:03,165
l'm tickety-boo and a half, Mrs Warboys.
42
00:03:03,207 --> 00:03:06,756
How are you today, my little sweetheart?
43
00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:13,482
Yes, well,
l think l'd better be getting back.
44
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:18,123
l don't like to leave cousin Wilf there
on his own for too long.
45
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:20,476
Not so soon after his operation.
46
00:03:20,527 --> 00:03:22,722
How is he? Still a bit dozy?
47
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,839
Yes. A bit vague and forgetful.
48
00:03:25,887 --> 00:03:28,560
ls he still coming with us
on our outing tomorrow?
49
00:03:28,607 --> 00:03:33,362
Oh, l meant to tell you.
We've had a few more cancellations.
50
00:03:33,407 --> 00:03:37,639
Seems there won't be the full 55 of us
going now after all.
51
00:03:37,687 --> 00:03:39,917
Oh, dear. How many is it now, then?
52
00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:42,197
Four.
53
00:03:42,247 --> 00:03:44,636
Chris can't get back in time
54
00:03:44,687 --> 00:03:48,566
and Mr and Mrs Burkett have got
a crossword to finish and...
55
00:03:48,607 --> 00:03:51,599
You know how people are.
56
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:54,366
Anyway, l'll give you a ring tomorrow.
57
00:03:54,407 --> 00:03:56,796
- Bye, Margaret.
- Bye. Thanks for the lift.
58
00:03:56,847 --> 00:04:01,716
Sorry it was a bit bumpy.
l'm not used to driving Chris's car.
59
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:04,235
Bye, Mr Meldrew.
60
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,563
# Let's spend the night together
61
00:04:07,607 --> 00:04:11,646
# Now l need you more than ever #
62
00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:16,125
Not with the pastry!
63
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:29,404
- (Engine starts)
- (Siren blares)
64
00:04:29,447 --> 00:04:32,041
(Gears grind)
65
00:05:45,727 --> 00:05:47,683
Back!
66
00:05:51,527 --> 00:05:56,043
Sorry l'm late.
Had to run a friend up the hospital.
67
00:05:56,087 --> 00:05:59,363
ls everything all right here?
What's been going on?
68
00:05:59,407 --> 00:06:02,797
You haven't been having trouble
with my TV aerial, have you?
69
00:06:02,847 --> 00:06:05,884
TV aerial? No.
What on earth makes you say that?
70
00:06:05,927 --> 00:06:08,566
Oh, it's just that
when l came round the bend
71
00:06:08,607 --> 00:06:13,123
l thought l heard Mrs Eldridge shout
something about a man on my roof.
72
00:06:15,807 --> 00:06:19,641
No, it was fine
while l was watching EastEnders.
73
00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:23,805
''A can'', she probably said.
Another squashed Budweiser.
74
00:06:23,847 --> 00:06:27,237
Yes, that must be it.
l'll fish it down in the morning.
75
00:07:01,927 --> 00:07:05,442
l don't suppose that will keep it out
for one minute, but still.
76
00:07:05,487 --> 00:07:08,684
- (Margaret) Keep what out?
- The busted mattress.
77
00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:10,399
What busted mattress?
78
00:07:10,447 --> 00:07:13,245
The busted mattress
someone always dumps in your skip
79
00:07:13,287 --> 00:07:15,847
whenever you leave one
outside your door.
80
00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:19,116
Universal law of nature.
81
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:22,682
Just as the cuckoo always lays its eggs
in other birds' nests,
82
00:07:22,727 --> 00:07:24,877
so some bastard always come along
83
00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:28,124
and dumps a busted mattress
in your rubbish skip.
84
00:07:29,847 --> 00:07:33,237
Bloody shed.
l should never have tampered with it.
85
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:36,484
Should just have left it as it was.
86
00:07:36,527 --> 00:07:39,997
Blood and paint in every orifice
known to man.
87
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:44,158
Talk about undignified,
88
00:07:44,207 --> 00:07:48,803
having to lie there while two student
nurses sponge your genitals with turps.
89
00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:54,039
One more joke about
rubbing me up the wrong way,
90
00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:58,558
they'd have been reporting
to the casualty department, l can tell you.
91
00:07:58,607 --> 00:08:03,476
Ooh! My leg's itching like mad now.
Why is that?
92
00:08:03,527 --> 00:08:06,519
Looks like insect bites, for God's sake.
93
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:10,560
That's from sitting with Mrs Lacey's cat
on your lap all yesterday.
94
00:08:10,607 --> 00:08:14,759
l told you she had fleas but no,
you wouldn't have it.
95
00:08:14,807 --> 00:08:18,880
They've always regarded your feet
as a special delicacy.
96
00:08:18,927 --> 00:08:22,317
They'll be sucking away
on those ankles of yours tonight in bed
97
00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:24,927
like a midnight feast in the dormitory.
98
00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:27,720
And don't scratch. You'll make it bleed.
99
00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:30,679
And then they'll all be coming back
for second helpings.
100
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:34,879
Bloody things. We'll have to get some
of that spray at the pet shop tomorrow.
101
00:08:43,887 --> 00:08:47,482
You're still thrilled to bits about that,
aren't you?
102
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,202
l just like to keep checking,
make sure l didn't imagine it.
103
00:08:52,287 --> 00:08:57,202
27 years since l was last sent a letter
offering me a full-time job.
104
00:08:57,247 --> 00:09:00,683
Just shows,
you should never give up hope.
105
00:09:00,727 --> 00:09:06,836
Yes, Monday morning l'll be back at last,
back in the land of the living.
106
00:09:06,887 --> 00:09:12,962
And you'll start to see the world
as a friendlier place again. You'll see.
107
00:09:13,007 --> 00:09:16,920
lt's just a matter of getting back
your self-confidence.
108
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:20,403
- Oh, my God.
- What is it?
109
00:09:20,447 --> 00:09:22,642
Quick! Turn all the lights out!
110
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:26,805
- What's the matter?
- lt's Ronnie and Mildred.
111
00:09:26,847 --> 00:09:30,078
Oh, my godfathers!
112
00:09:34,967 --> 00:09:38,801
Just to see her car
coming around the corner!
113
00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:46,280
Oh, please God, save us from a visit
from Ronnie and Mildred,
114
00:09:46,327 --> 00:09:48,716
with their tin of assorted biscuits.
115
00:09:48,767 --> 00:09:52,157
l was hoping they were both dead.
116
00:09:52,207 --> 00:09:56,041
Why do they always call on us?
Like the plague of the zombies.
117
00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:58,965
Don't keep moving about!
Their car has just pulled up.
118
00:09:59,887 --> 00:10:02,401
- Where's that letter rack?
- What are you doing?
119
00:10:02,447 --> 00:10:06,360
lf they look through the box
and see a lot of letters lying about,
120
00:10:06,407 --> 00:10:08,557
maybe they'll think we're on holiday.
121
00:10:11,207 --> 00:10:15,359
For God's sake, keep your head down!
Do you want to give us away?
122
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:20,197
(Ronnie) Here we are, Mildred.
l'm so looking forward to seeing them.
123
00:10:20,247 --> 00:10:22,044
(Doorbell)
124
00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:29,957
(Mildred) Hello!
125
00:10:30,007 --> 00:10:34,205
Anyone at home?
lt's Ronnie and Mildred.
126
00:10:35,287 --> 00:10:38,643
(Ronnie) Let's see if we can spot them
through the window.
127
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:46,599
- ls anyone in? Victor! Margaret!
- (Mildred) Yoo-hoo!
128
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,842
Bugger off!
129
00:10:48,887 --> 00:10:51,799
Go back to Whitley Bay, the pair of you.
130
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:54,645
Will you shush?
131
00:10:57,447 --> 00:11:00,245
- Oh, no!
- What is it?
132
00:11:00,287 --> 00:11:05,042
Mildred's going round the back.
l think l've left the bathroom light on!
133
00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:08,079
Oh, my God, that's it. They've got us
in a pincer movement!
134
00:11:09,887 --> 00:11:15,325
They'll be here till 3am showing us
pictures of their loft conversion.
135
00:11:15,367 --> 00:11:19,042
- Right. l'm gonna go for it.
- Are you mad? You'll never make it!
136
00:11:19,087 --> 00:11:22,523
- l've got ten seconds. lt's now or never.
- Right. Good luck.
137
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:34,725
You haven't fallen asleep
in your armchairs, have you?
138
00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:37,201
Wakey, wakey!
139
00:11:58,007 --> 00:12:00,077
l don't like it. lt's too quiet.
140
00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:08,921
Will you stop standing there like Michael
Caine in Zulu and come to bed?
141
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:13,438
Supposing they come back
in the morning?
142
00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:17,162
They never strike during the hours
of daylight, as you well know,
143
00:12:17,207 --> 00:12:21,803
and we'll be out tomorrow evening
with Jean at the BBC.
144
00:12:21,847 --> 00:12:24,520
Yes.
145
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:28,799
l expect she's booked us in to another
real side-splitter, has she?
146
00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:32,840
The last show was supposed to be
a glittering evening at Television Centre.
147
00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:36,323
The most exciting moment
was urinating next to Peter Sissons.
148
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,680
That witch hazel hasn't done any good.
149
00:12:44,407 --> 00:12:48,195
Well, no one's forcing you to go.
150
00:12:48,247 --> 00:12:52,684
You can always stay here and wait
for Ronnie and Mildred to come back.
151
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:02,642
Yes.
152
00:13:02,687 --> 00:13:06,157
What time are we to be up there?
153
00:13:09,007 --> 00:13:14,877
Sorry, dear? Oh, not bad this morning.
154
00:13:17,647 --> 00:13:20,878
ln a bit of a trance at the moment.
155
00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:24,124
ln the last 15 hours,
156
00:13:24,167 --> 00:13:27,398
we've had Happy, Sleepy,
157
00:13:27,447 --> 00:13:30,280
Grumpy and Dopey.
158
00:13:31,647 --> 00:13:34,480
We only need another three for the set.
159
00:13:34,527 --> 00:13:39,647
Anyway, are we all set for tonight?
What time shall we pick you up?
160
00:13:39,687 --> 00:13:43,396
(Jean ) Well, that's what
l'm phoning about, actually.
161
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,883
l'm afraid it's going to have to be
a threesome now,
162
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,316
if you don't mind taking Wilfred.
163
00:13:49,367 --> 00:13:54,236
Only, erm...my goddaughter's
lost her baby-sitter
164
00:13:54,287 --> 00:13:57,006
due to the extradition papers
coming through.
165
00:13:57,047 --> 00:14:00,119
You see, it's their anniversary,
166
00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:03,796
and they can't get anyone else
at such short notice.
167
00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:09,365
So l'm sorry to be a bit of a party pooper.
168
00:14:09,407 --> 00:14:12,638
That's all right. Don't worry about it.
We'll be fine.
169
00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:15,838
Okey-doke. Bye.
170
00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:19,596
What's the matter now?
The BBC burned down?
171
00:14:19,647 --> 00:14:21,877
Was it bad news?
172
00:14:22,967 --> 00:14:26,437
Look at that.
Those things are on my wrists now.
173
00:14:26,487 --> 00:14:29,081
They must still be on me somewhere.
174
00:14:29,127 --> 00:14:32,517
She can't come now. She's got
to baby-sit for her goddaughter.
175
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:36,355
Are you sure we don't have
some of that insect repellent left?
176
00:14:36,407 --> 00:14:40,958
l'm sure l saw some somewhere
only the other day.
177
00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:53,844
l don't believe it!
178
00:15:13,607 --> 00:15:17,566
l do not believe it.
179
00:15:17,607 --> 00:15:22,203
What the bloody hell do people think
this is? A drive-in scrap yard?
180
00:15:22,247 --> 00:15:25,444
l paid for this skip.
lt's for my rubbish and nobody else's.
181
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:31,120
What am l supposed to do with this?
Melt it down for BacoFoil?
182
00:15:31,167 --> 00:15:33,317
Didn't l say that this would happen?
183
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:36,643
How did it get here?
Did someone just dump this?
184
00:15:39,247 --> 00:15:44,560
Unless a very large jackdaw was carrying
it back to its nest and dropped it,
185
00:15:44,607 --> 00:15:48,202
l should think that's
a fairly safe assumption.
186
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:54,083
Never ceases to amaze me, the
bloody-minded soddishness of some...
187
00:15:56,527 --> 00:15:59,439
l don't bel...
188
00:15:59,487 --> 00:16:02,001
Look at this!
189
00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:07,360
Look at this!
190
00:16:10,407 --> 00:16:12,921
You bastards!
191
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:16,721
lf you come back here
l'll kill the lot of you!
192
00:16:27,567 --> 00:16:29,478
There.
193
00:16:29,527 --> 00:16:32,519
You know, it's a bit sombre, Wilf.
194
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:35,081
Why don't you go
and pick out one of Chris's?
195
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:38,358
Something a bit more cheerful
for a night out.
196
00:16:38,407 --> 00:16:42,605
- Yes, maybe you're right.
- l'd better get my skates on.
197
00:16:42,647 --> 00:16:46,401
See you later, then.
Have a really lovely time, won't you?
198
00:16:46,447 --> 00:16:48,802
Take care.
199
00:16:51,127 --> 00:16:53,641
(Doorbell)
200
00:17:03,527 --> 00:17:05,995
Excuse me.
201
00:17:06,047 --> 00:17:11,121
l'm sorry about all this upset
to all our plans and everything.
202
00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:14,477
He's nearly ready. Now...
203
00:17:14,527 --> 00:17:17,360
Oh. There are the tickets.
204
00:17:17,407 --> 00:17:21,685
And l'll give you the front door key,
just to be safe,
205
00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:23,797
what with his memory and everything.
206
00:17:23,847 --> 00:17:26,919
- l think that's everything.
- lt'll be great. Off you go.
207
00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:30,277
- We'll be fine.
- All right. Have a really lovely time.
208
00:17:30,327 --> 00:17:33,444
And if l don't see you later tonight,
Mr Meldrew,
209
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:36,399
best of luck for the new job tomorrow.
210
00:17:36,447 --> 00:17:39,962
- Thank you, Mrs Warboys.
- Right you are. Bye.
211
00:17:47,087 --> 00:17:49,078
''Like Mother Like Son.
212
00:17:49,127 --> 00:17:52,756
''A brand-new comedy about
a young woman's hilarious struggle
213
00:17:52,807 --> 00:17:55,765
''to bring up two rebellious
teenage boys.''
214
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:02,919
- Did you bring the crossword book?
- Don't be such a misery.
215
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:06,642
Try and be a bit more ch... Hello!
216
00:18:06,687 --> 00:18:09,042
How are you?
217
00:18:10,527 --> 00:18:15,396
l'm Margaret and this is Victor.
lt's very nice to meet you.
218
00:18:15,447 --> 00:18:18,280
- Margaret? Victor?
- That's right.
219
00:18:18,327 --> 00:18:20,921
Who am l?
220
00:18:22,487 --> 00:18:24,955
- Sorry?
- No, l'm sorry.
221
00:18:25,007 --> 00:18:29,956
You see, l was in the garage
and my mind seems to be a blank.
222
00:18:30,007 --> 00:18:32,805
l'm sorry about this. l just...
223
00:18:32,847 --> 00:18:35,839
You're Wilfred, remember?
224
00:18:35,887 --> 00:18:37,878
You're Jean's cousin Wilf,
225
00:18:37,927 --> 00:18:42,045
and you're staying with her
for a few days while you get better.
226
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:45,397
Why don't you back the car
into the drive for him?
227
00:18:47,647 --> 00:18:51,765
You're been in hospital for quite a while.
228
00:18:53,647 --> 00:18:56,480
- Hosp...
- And it's left you a bit forgetful.
229
00:18:56,527 --> 00:18:59,564
Hospital. Yes. That rings a bell.
230
00:18:59,607 --> 00:19:05,523
You had a big operation. Oh,
you'll soon be back on your feet again.
231
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:07,876
There we are.
232
00:19:07,927 --> 00:19:10,566
There. Here's your jacket.
233
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,440
- Oh. Thank you.
- There now.
234
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:16,718
- Have you got everything you need?
- l think so.
235
00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:21,841
- Where are we going?
- To a television show at the BBC.
236
00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:23,843
That'll be nice, won't it?
237
00:19:23,887 --> 00:19:25,878
- Oh.
- There we are.
238
00:19:25,927 --> 00:19:27,918
Thank you.
239
00:19:32,407 --> 00:19:35,524
Right. l'm ready.
240
00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:51,598
(Cheering)
241
00:20:05,047 --> 00:20:08,756
(Man) All those with tickets for
The Generation Game, queue on the left.
242
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:13,278
All those with tickets for
The Generation Game, queue on the left.
243
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:22,484
How are you feeling now, Wilf? All right?
244
00:20:22,527 --> 00:20:25,246
Still a bit groggy, l'm afraid.
245
00:20:25,287 --> 00:20:29,166
l'm sorry l slept most of the way here.
l just couldn't keep awake.
246
00:20:29,207 --> 00:20:31,960
l know. Long car journeys.
247
00:20:32,007 --> 00:20:35,079
You'll soon pick up once we get inside.
248
00:20:44,407 --> 00:20:49,606
And that's vital. lt's the warmth
and atmosphere that you generate here
249
00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:53,925
that makes the difference to those
in front of and behind the camera,
250
00:20:53,967 --> 00:20:56,242
and gives the show a real lift.
251
00:20:56,287 --> 00:20:58,517
l know we're understaffed this evening,
252
00:20:59,887 --> 00:21:03,038
but l know we're
all going to do our best.
253
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:06,045
Don't be afraid to laugh
as loud as you like.
254
00:21:06,087 --> 00:21:09,602
And l'm sure we're all gonna have
a really super, splendid evening.
255
00:21:19,647 --> 00:21:22,957
That was the most hilarious thing
l've ever seen in my life.
256
00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:26,556
A real rib-tickler from start to finish.
257
00:21:26,607 --> 00:21:28,438
You didn't see much of it.
258
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:31,684
You spent most of the evening
filling in your crossword.
259
00:21:31,727 --> 00:21:34,002
l've never been so embarrassed.
260
00:21:34,047 --> 00:21:36,880
When the man asked
if anyone had any questions,
261
00:21:36,927 --> 00:21:39,999
you said,
''How many Ps in hippopotamus?''
262
00:21:40,047 --> 00:21:42,436
Oh. Thank you.
263
00:21:45,727 --> 00:21:49,003
Can we just stop bickering
and get back to the car?
264
00:21:49,047 --> 00:21:53,040
You know l didn't want to be late back.
l've got to be at work in the morning.
265
00:21:53,087 --> 00:21:55,362
Half past eight on the dot.
266
00:21:55,407 --> 00:21:58,558
He'll be in no fit state
to come out again yet a while.
267
00:21:58,607 --> 00:22:00,837
l don't know what Jean
was thinking about.
268
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:05,961
lt's not like her to send someone out
when they're barely conscious.
269
00:22:06,007 --> 00:22:10,319
Fortunately, in that studio,
no one noticed the difference.
270
00:22:23,127 --> 00:22:26,961
- (Door slams shut)
- (Margaret) Lift your end up, Victor!
271
00:22:27,007 --> 00:22:31,398
Carefully! You're dragging his head
on the floor!
272
00:22:32,407 --> 00:22:35,319
(Victor) Don't go so quickly, then.
l can't keep up.
273
00:22:41,167 --> 00:22:44,125
There we are, Wilf.
274
00:22:44,167 --> 00:22:47,000
Home safe and sound.
275
00:22:47,047 --> 00:22:51,279
l expect Jean will be back soon
and she'll...
276
00:22:56,527 --> 00:22:59,485
Er...l don't think we've met, have we?
277
00:22:59,527 --> 00:23:02,803
Are you Victor and Margaret?
278
00:23:02,847 --> 00:23:07,079
- Yes.
- l'm Jean's cousin, Wilfred.
279
00:23:54,527 --> 00:23:56,518
OK. l'll see you then.
280
00:23:58,047 --> 00:24:00,038
Oh, erm...
281
00:24:05,927 --> 00:24:07,918
Oh, erm...
282
00:24:13,167 --> 00:24:15,158
OK, see you later.
283
00:24:44,127 --> 00:24:46,721
Excuse me.
284
00:24:46,767 --> 00:24:49,076
Oh. Sorry.
285
00:24:51,927 --> 00:24:55,317
- Are you new?
- Yes, my first morning, actually.
286
00:24:56,727 --> 00:25:00,197
Looks as if you want to buck up
your ideas a touch, doesn't it?
287
00:25:01,127 --> 00:25:03,766
Yes. Sorry.
288
00:25:10,887 --> 00:25:12,878
(Mumbles)
289
00:25:24,287 --> 00:25:26,847
(Man) Did you hear me?
290
00:25:28,687 --> 00:25:32,123
- l'm sorry?
- Are you awake this morning?
291
00:25:32,167 --> 00:25:35,637
l said there's a fur coat in the back.
292
00:25:36,647 --> 00:25:38,922
Oh, yes. So there is.
293
00:25:38,967 --> 00:25:40,958
Well?
294
00:25:41,887 --> 00:25:43,957
- Huh?
- Well, darling.
295
00:25:44,007 --> 00:25:48,046
- Have we come to the right hotel?
- The coat please, doorman.
296
00:25:49,367 --> 00:25:51,676
Oh, yes. Sorry.
297
00:25:53,767 --> 00:25:59,842
Mind what you're doing with it, man. lt's
not some rag from Marks and Spencer's.
298
00:25:59,887 --> 00:26:02,355
Have you any idea how much this cost?
299
00:26:02,407 --> 00:26:04,875
l shouldn't think so for a moment.
300
00:26:04,927 --> 00:26:07,043
lf you're serious about working here,
301
00:26:07,087 --> 00:26:10,204
you'll have to revise
your attitude to the job.
302
00:26:10,247 --> 00:26:12,807
That's a tip from me.
303
00:26:12,847 --> 00:26:15,281
The people who come here
expect to be treated
304
00:26:15,327 --> 00:26:18,922
with a certain deference and respect.
305
00:26:18,967 --> 00:26:22,437
Sloppiness and bad manners
just won't do.
306
00:26:22,487 --> 00:26:26,082
Do you understand what l'm saying?
307
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:31,042
Yes. Right. l do understand
what you're saying and l'm very sorry.
308
00:26:31,087 --> 00:26:32,964
l should think so.
309
00:26:33,007 --> 00:26:37,637
l'm very sorry because l'm going to have
to throw your toupee down the drain.
310
00:26:37,687 --> 00:26:39,678
What the...
311
00:26:40,647 --> 00:26:44,686
l'm sorry neither of you have managed to
master the mechanics of a door handle.
312
00:26:44,727 --> 00:26:47,799
That must be complicated
with your limited brain power.
313
00:26:47,847 --> 00:26:51,283
And do forgive me
for not getting the fur coat out.
314
00:26:51,327 --> 00:26:55,684
lf you hadn't chopped its legs off
it could have climbed out on its own.
315
00:26:55,727 --> 00:26:58,639
You asked me
if l wanted to go on working here.
316
00:26:58,687 --> 00:27:02,965
lf it means sucking up to odious
bastards like you two every day,
317
00:27:03,007 --> 00:27:05,157
then l'd rather remain unemployed.
318
00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:07,641
You crabby old cretin.
l'm gonna wring your...
319
00:27:07,687 --> 00:27:09,200
- (Screams)
- What is it?
320
00:27:09,247 --> 00:27:12,762
l just saw something
hopping about in the fur.
321
00:27:12,807 --> 00:27:15,765
Oh, my God. l feel sick.
322
00:27:15,807 --> 00:27:19,686
And there's another one. lt's a flea!
323
00:27:19,727 --> 00:27:23,481
Yes, they make charming pets. You'll
find you grow so attached to them.
324
00:27:23,527 --> 00:27:28,442
And of course vice versa. Home please,
James, to number 19 Riverbank.
325
00:27:39,007 --> 00:27:42,602
l don't believe it! Unbelievable!
326
00:27:42,647 --> 00:27:45,764
Treat me like something
that's crawled out of a pond!
327
00:27:45,807 --> 00:27:49,083
Well, they can stick the bloody thing.
328
00:27:49,127 --> 00:27:54,281
72 hours of nonstop madness, misery
and mayhem beyond all belief.
329
00:27:54,327 --> 00:27:56,602
(Sighs)
330
00:27:56,647 --> 00:28:00,720
At least we've escaped
from the worst horror of all.
331
00:28:02,407 --> 00:28:06,036
(Both) Surprise, surprise!
332
00:28:10,847 --> 00:28:14,522
# They say l might as well face the truth
333
00:28:14,567 --> 00:28:17,604
# That l am just too long in the tooth
334
00:28:17,647 --> 00:28:21,003
# l've started to deteriorate
335
00:28:21,047 --> 00:28:24,596
# And now l've passed
my own sell-by date
336
00:28:24,647 --> 00:28:28,435
# Oh, l am no spring chicken, it's true
337
00:28:28,487 --> 00:28:31,923
# l have to pop my teeth in to chew
338
00:28:31,967 --> 00:28:36,040
# And my old knees
have started to knock
339
00:28:36,087 --> 00:28:38,476
# l've just got too many miles
on the clock
340
00:28:38,527 --> 00:28:42,520
# So l'm a wrinkly, crinkly,
set in my ways
341
00:28:42,567 --> 00:28:46,446
# lt's true that my body
has seen better days
342
00:28:46,487 --> 00:28:49,923
# But give me half a chance
and l can still misbehave
343
00:28:49,967 --> 00:28:52,197
# One foot in the grave
344
00:28:53,247 --> 00:28:56,045
# One foot in the grave
345
00:28:56,807 --> 00:29:00,277
# One foot in the grave #