1
00:00:02,566 --> 00:00:05,205
# They say I might as well face the truth
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,759
# That I am just too long in the tooth
3
00:00:09,486 --> 00:00:12,319
# So I'm an OAP and weak-kneed
4
00:00:12,886 --> 00:00:15,798
# But I have not yet quite gone to seed
5
00:00:16,526 --> 00:00:20,201
# I may be over the hill now that I have retired
6
00:00:20,566 --> 00:00:23,683
# Fading away but I've not yet expired
7
00:00:24,006 --> 00:00:27,316
# Clapped out, run down, too old to save
8
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:30,075
# One foot in the grave #
9
00:00:41,446 --> 00:00:44,483
Will you just leave that for tonight?
10
00:00:44,886 --> 00:00:46,444
Here we go, look
11
00:00:47,366 --> 00:00:50,483
Three, two, one
12
00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:52,045
(SCRAPING)
13
00:00:54,526 --> 00:00:57,199
Look at that Look at that!
14
00:00:58,206 --> 00:01:01,881
All the models on the market,
we have to end up with a waste disposal unit
15
00:01:01,966 --> 00:01:03,922
that can't keep its food down
16
00:01:05,286 --> 00:01:07,800
Would you mind changing the subject please?
17
00:01:08,166 --> 00:01:12,682
Yes, well, I told you we shouldn't have gone for
that Indian tonight, didn't I? Didn't I say?
18
00:01:12,766 --> 00:01:14,199
It wasn't the Indian
19
00:01:14,286 --> 00:01:16,117
Are you coming up now or what?
20
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,595
This is enough to turn anyone's stomach
21
00:01:18,726 --> 00:01:20,637
Do you know, I think
22
00:01:27,486 --> 00:01:29,124
Bloody restaurant
23
00:01:30,206 --> 00:01:32,401
It was bad enough the last time we went there
24
00:01:32,486 --> 00:01:35,444
when that key broke inside the lock to the gents'
25
00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:40,676
Spent the entire night sat in the toilet
while they passed poppadums under the door
26
00:01:42,766 --> 00:01:46,156
But tonight is a real corker,
I have to give them that
27
00:01:46,246 --> 00:01:50,159
Watching a naked woman
dangling her breasts in the basmati rice
28
00:01:51,126 --> 00:01:53,481
I mean, that's one of their best
29
00:01:53,566 --> 00:01:56,319
I think that's a slight exaggeration, don't you?
30
00:01:56,446 --> 00:01:57,959
All you need, isn't it?
31
00:01:58,046 --> 00:02:02,836
A strip-o-gram singing Happy Birthday
to a group of lager louts at the next table
32
00:02:03,126 --> 00:02:06,038
What did she look like
with that stupid blonde wig on?
33
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,117
I think she was meant to be Marilyn Monroe
34
00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:12,245
Oh, is that what it was?
I wondered why Harpo Marx was wearing a bra
35
00:02:13,406 --> 00:02:17,001
Look, why don't you lie down
and I'll give you another massage
36
00:02:17,086 --> 00:02:19,281
She had a stomach on her like Fred Emney
37
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:23,198
You notice they never
say anything in that place, either
38
00:02:23,286 --> 00:02:25,925
Just let the customers get away with murder
39
00:02:26,006 --> 00:02:27,041
Oh
40
00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:28,275
I
41
00:02:28,766 --> 00:02:32,679
I don't feel very good at all, Victor
42
00:02:34,046 --> 00:02:35,320
Victor
43
00:02:35,886 --> 00:02:37,763
(TOILET FLUSHING)
44
00:02:40,086 --> 00:02:42,919
Too scared to say anything, that's the trouble
45
00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:47,834
Like when that yobbo with the earring
stuck my cap in his mouth
46
00:02:49,286 --> 00:02:52,801
shouting, ''Here, Dave, this chapatti's a bit tough''
47
00:02:54,726 --> 00:02:57,194
Teeth-marks in the lining now for evermore
48
00:02:59,406 --> 00:03:04,844
If you're not feeling any better by Saturday,
perhaps you'd better give Roger's party a miss
49
00:03:04,926 --> 00:03:06,484
Margaret?
50
00:03:07,566 --> 00:03:09,238
Margaret, are you
51
00:03:11,526 --> 00:03:12,675
Margaret
52
00:03:14,806 --> 00:03:17,764
Not a lot better yet, I'm afraid, Roger
53
00:03:18,686 --> 00:03:22,122
Oh, I know, and she was really
looking forward to coming as well
54
00:03:22,366 --> 00:03:25,199
Doctor says it's nervous exhaustion mainly
55
00:03:25,286 --> 00:03:28,084
It's been building up over the last 35 years
56
00:03:31,006 --> 00:03:33,076
I don't know what he meant by that
57
00:03:33,526 --> 00:03:37,075
Yeah, of course,
and the death of her mother and everything
58
00:03:37,966 --> 00:03:39,285
Sorry?
59
00:03:40,126 --> 00:03:44,244
No, we didn't keep very much in the end
Just her answering machine and some jewellery
60
00:03:44,326 --> 00:03:45,600
Oh, and her video
61
00:03:45,686 --> 00:03:48,075
Yeah, so we don't have to
keep hiring this other thing anymore
62
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:51,715
Man was supposed to come and collect it at 9:00,
he still hasn't arrived
63
00:03:51,806 --> 00:03:54,445
Yes, I will, Roger, and happy birthday
64
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,086
Yup I'll see you about 8:00 Bye
65
00:04:09,886 --> 00:04:12,354
Bloody video man still hasn't arrived
66
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:17,274
Just spoke to Roger Apparently it's going to be
rather a swish do over there tonight
67
00:04:17,366 --> 00:04:20,517
Just as well I got that suit cleaned
Now, what else?
68
00:04:20,606 --> 00:04:23,882
Oh, yes, I'm just going to unplug the phone
so you're not interrupted
69
00:04:23,966 --> 00:04:25,240
Thank you
70
00:04:25,326 --> 00:04:27,442
That's the most important thing,
71
00:04:27,526 --> 00:04:31,485
that you get plenty of peace and quiet
72
00:04:31,566 --> 00:04:33,522
with no unwanted interruptions
73
00:04:36,806 --> 00:04:40,481
Nothing that's going to
get you worked up or agitated again
74
00:04:43,846 --> 00:04:46,679
You're sure there's not too much noise
coming through this window for you?
75
00:04:46,766 --> 00:04:48,324
No, no, no, it's fine
76
00:04:48,406 --> 00:04:50,920
Because there's nothing worse than that
77
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:55,079
Trying to get off to sleep
with some mindless racket going on outside
78
00:04:55,526 --> 00:04:59,678
People jabbering away and God knows what
That could drive you absolutely potty
79
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:03,725
-I know for myself
-Will you shut the f
80
00:05:04,206 --> 00:05:07,676
front door quietly when you go out, please?
Thank you
81
00:05:09,646 --> 00:05:10,635
Yes, of course
82
00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:12,000
(KNOCKING)
83
00:05:12,086 --> 00:05:15,237
Oh, that'll be Mrs Warboys with the dry-cleaning
84
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:24,720
How did it go? Did you manage to get them both?
85
00:05:24,806 --> 00:05:26,762
MRS WARBOYS: Fine thanks, yes
86
00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:29,314
Took a bit of a while to find Margaret's
87
00:05:30,126 --> 00:05:32,594
Shame she won't be needing it now
88
00:05:32,726 --> 00:05:36,685
I don't think they're all that well-organised
in that place, if you ask me
89
00:05:36,766 --> 00:05:39,519
I've known one or two people say over the years
90
00:05:44,286 --> 00:05:45,799
What's this?
91
00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:51,006
Oh, yes, she said they got almost
all the beetroot out if you didn't look too closely
92
00:05:51,086 --> 00:05:53,281
Myself, I can hardly see a thing
93
00:05:54,006 --> 00:05:55,075
This!
94
00:05:55,166 --> 00:05:56,804
(SPLUTTERING)
95
00:05:56,886 --> 00:05:59,081
This isn't my suit
96
00:05:59,366 --> 00:06:00,594
Isn't it?
97
00:06:00,686 --> 00:06:02,324
Of course it
98
00:06:03,926 --> 00:06:07,043
Where in the name of sanity did it come from?
99
00:06:07,846 --> 00:06:10,724
Oh, don't tell me they mixed up the tickets again
100
00:06:10,966 --> 00:06:15,357
Mixed up the You must have seen
it was a mistake when you got it out
101
00:06:17,726 --> 00:06:20,604
Well, I don't know what your suit looks like, do I?
102
00:06:21,126 --> 00:06:23,435
Well, it doesn't bloody well look like this!
103
00:06:23,526 --> 00:06:26,757
I mean, where do you think I shop?
King Kong at C&A's?
104
00:06:28,166 --> 00:06:31,522
MRS WARBOYS: Actually, I thought it was
for a fancy dress or something
105
00:06:31,646 --> 00:06:34,877
Fancy dress? I mean, it's not even my size!
106
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:39,076
And there's no permanent crease
in the trousers, look at that
107
00:06:39,686 --> 00:06:43,395
Something else I've got to do now,
is take that back As if I didn't have enough to
108
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,078
(DOORBELL RINGING)
109
00:07:32,846 --> 00:07:36,316
Morning, Mr Meldrew Are you well?
110
00:07:41,486 --> 00:07:45,195
Oh! I expect you think
I've gone completely off my head
111
00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:49,155
No, only, it's the third round
of the Jeyes Fluid Cup on Friday
112
00:07:49,286 --> 00:07:51,754
and we've drawn
the Gribley Street Exhaust Centre
113
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:55,202
So they'll be pretty stiff opposition, I expect
114
00:07:55,286 --> 00:07:57,846
I've got to keep my hand in or my arm gets rusty
115
00:07:58,086 --> 00:07:59,838
Does it? Yes
116
00:07:59,926 --> 00:08:03,919
Well, I can't stop I've got to take
a gorilla costume back to the cleaners
117
00:08:04,246 --> 00:08:06,282
A gorilla costume? My goodness
118
00:08:06,406 --> 00:08:11,002
Yes, can you believe it? I put my best suit in
ready for a party tonight and I get that
119
00:08:11,126 --> 00:08:13,686
And they call themselves
a bloody dry-cleaning service
120
00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:16,360
They close early on a Saturday, too
121
00:08:16,446 --> 00:08:19,040
I'll probably end up without a suit to wear at all
122
00:08:19,126 --> 00:08:22,243
Oh, well, if you get stuck, Mr Meldrew,
I've always got one you can borrow
123
00:08:22,326 --> 00:08:26,001
-Be just about your size, too
-Really? Well, no, I don't think that'll be
124
00:08:26,086 --> 00:08:28,554
I'll pop it round later
You can always see what you think
125
00:08:28,646 --> 00:08:31,718
Oh, right then, just as a backup
Thanks very much
126
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,365
You're very welcome
127
00:08:34,126 --> 00:08:38,483
Mother, will you please sit back in that chair
or I'll have your hairnet off again
128
00:08:38,566 --> 00:08:39,794
Thank you
129
00:08:44,086 --> 00:08:48,045
and just as I was deciding
which colour would go best with his artificial eye,
130
00:08:48,126 --> 00:08:49,957
you know, I thought,
131
00:08:50,046 --> 00:08:52,116
''That girl there looks familiar''
132
00:08:53,006 --> 00:08:54,519
And guess who it was
133
00:08:54,606 --> 00:08:59,077
Little Andrea Temple who used to live
at the back of you in Wingate Crescent
134
00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:01,202
-No!
-Quite grown up now,
135
00:09:01,286 --> 00:09:03,880
and got the loveliest little baby boy
136
00:09:04,006 --> 00:09:06,839
Said, if she could, she'd bring him round
tomorrow afternoon to show you
137
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:08,075
Oh!
138
00:09:08,646 --> 00:09:12,958
Well, I mean, you were like a second mother
to her in those days, weren't you?
139
00:09:13,046 --> 00:09:17,039
The way her parents always left her
to fend for herself, poor little mite
140
00:09:17,406 --> 00:09:20,523
God, that monster of a father
141
00:09:20,606 --> 00:09:22,915
-Do you remember?
-Well, he was never off the turps
142
00:09:23,006 --> 00:09:27,443
I know
And she was sleeping with a mortuary attendant
143
00:09:28,486 --> 00:09:32,604
They got through a dozen coffins in one week
by all accounts
144
00:09:32,686 --> 00:09:35,359
-No wonder she was round-shouldered
-Exactly
145
00:09:35,446 --> 00:09:37,038
(TRUCK ENGINE RUMBLING)
146
00:09:37,126 --> 00:09:38,684
At bloody last
147
00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:41,326
About time, too, after five hours of waiting
148
00:09:41,446 --> 00:09:44,006
-That the man come to take your video back?
-Yes
149
00:09:44,086 --> 00:09:48,079
-I'm off into town now I'll see you later Bye
-Right Bye
150
00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:52,197
So how is she?
151
00:09:52,806 --> 00:09:56,276
Does she still have
those lovely little dimples in her cheeks?
152
00:10:03,246 --> 00:10:05,123
Begging your pardon, sir
153
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,639
You wouldn't have 50p to spare for
a cup of tea at all?
154
00:10:17,406 --> 00:10:21,763
Here And next time
you can try turning up a bit earlier
155
00:10:22,406 --> 00:10:23,725
Oh, I will, sir
156
00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:28,435
You're a credit to society What can I say?
157
00:10:28,886 --> 00:10:30,797
Many thanks indeed to you, sir
158
00:10:30,886 --> 00:10:32,080
Thank you
159
00:10:44,326 --> 00:10:46,442
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
160
00:10:49,086 --> 00:10:50,599
(DOOR SLAMMING)
161
00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:54,198
VICTOR: One minute One bloody minute!
162
00:10:54,686 --> 00:10:57,325
The whole lot of them should be shot at birth!
163
00:10:59,406 --> 00:11:00,885
I'm back!
164
00:11:01,806 --> 00:11:03,125
So I'd gathered
165
00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:07,841
I just missed the dry-cleaners by one minute
166
00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:13,281
Bloody girl just stood behind
the closed sign pointing at me and laughing
167
00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:16,525
Bloody thing!
168
00:11:16,606 --> 00:11:19,564
Bang goes my outfit for tonight now
169
00:11:23,886 --> 00:11:27,003
Mr Swainey called round while you were out
170
00:11:27,766 --> 00:11:32,157
Did he mention anything
about that suit he was talking about?
171
00:11:32,246 --> 00:11:36,558
He said he's left it on the settee for you
in the front room
172
00:11:38,006 --> 00:11:39,405
Oh, right
173
00:11:46,246 --> 00:11:48,714
I don't believe it
174
00:11:50,286 --> 00:11:53,562
I do not believe it
175
00:11:54,646 --> 00:11:56,796
How in the name of
176
00:11:57,286 --> 00:12:01,404
He said it's quite new He's hardly ever worn it
177
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:07,118
Oh, and he said you ought to ask
that shop for a refund
178
00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:10,198
for not cleaning the other one properly
179
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,159
Not cleaning it
180
00:12:12,726 --> 00:12:14,318
(GROANING)
181
00:12:14,406 --> 00:12:18,718
Why don't people ever listen?
182
00:12:39,206 --> 00:12:41,561
Are you nearly ready down there?
183
00:12:41,686 --> 00:12:43,563
It's 7:1 5
184
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,516
They'll just have to do as they are
185
00:13:05,846 --> 00:13:08,155
Right, I think that's everything
186
00:13:09,806 --> 00:13:13,321
-Right, I'm off now Bye
-Yes
187
00:13:13,886 --> 00:13:15,763
Have a good time
188
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,399
(DOOR SLAMMING)
189
00:13:54,206 --> 00:13:56,003
Oh, you still awake?
190
00:13:57,366 --> 00:13:59,675
Sorry I'm a bit later than I said
191
00:14:00,046 --> 00:14:03,038
Very strange smell downstairs when I came in
192
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:04,679
Wonder what that could be
193
00:14:04,766 --> 00:14:06,245
I wonder
194
00:14:14,126 --> 00:14:15,798
How did that get
195
00:14:16,846 --> 00:14:18,199
Well, let's see
196
00:14:18,806 --> 00:14:21,445
I could always get a job as a strip-o-gram
197
00:14:22,086 --> 00:14:25,396
Put that on,
I wouldn't have to take anything off, would I?
198
00:14:26,526 --> 00:14:29,199
Looks like the shape of an iron
199
00:14:31,286 --> 00:14:36,565
''Why don't you take it easy for a couple of weeks?
Let me look after you for a change''
200
00:14:37,086 --> 00:14:38,724
Take it easy!
201
00:14:38,806 --> 00:14:42,879
I'd get more peace of mind
being nursed by the evil dead!
202
00:14:58,726 --> 00:15:00,079
How's it looking?
203
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:04,239
Have it sorted for you in a few ticks, Mr Meldrew
I think I've located the problem now
204
00:15:04,326 --> 00:15:06,442
Yes, well mind your nose in that shredder
205
00:15:06,526 --> 00:15:09,518
or I'll be up all night scraping it off the ceiling
206
00:15:16,966 --> 00:15:20,925
He's a sweet little thing, aren't you?
A sweet little thing
207
00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:23,201
He's definitely got your eyes, Andrea
208
00:15:23,286 --> 00:15:27,199
Has he? No, we're all right
It's just a pair of pearl earrings
209
00:15:27,486 --> 00:15:30,956
Come on, Donovan,
give those back to Auntie Margaret
210
00:15:31,726 --> 00:15:34,877
They were my mother's
I was just having a sort through
211
00:15:35,006 --> 00:15:39,443
About the only thing of any value she left,
and I don't suppose I'll ever wear them
212
00:15:41,486 --> 00:15:44,478
I think it's about time you were going back
into your box, too, isn't it,
213
00:15:44,566 --> 00:15:49,003
before that nasty old bogeyman comes
and finds you rolling about on his bed
214
00:15:49,206 --> 00:15:53,085
MARGARET: And he's just like you,
bald and grizzles a lot
215
00:16:09,926 --> 00:16:13,965
You say that your parents
are separated now, then, Andrea?
216
00:16:14,046 --> 00:16:17,163
-Are they quite close still or
-Fairly close
217
00:16:17,246 --> 00:16:18,884
Holloway and Pentonville
218
00:16:19,006 --> 00:16:22,078
I don't get to see them,
not with this one to worry about
219
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,884
and the bookshop to run
220
00:16:25,086 --> 00:16:27,520
You bought me my first book, Margaret
221
00:16:27,606 --> 00:16:30,245
Monica Dickens I've never forgotten that
222
00:16:30,326 --> 00:16:34,638
Taught me the alphabet, as well You remember?
Long before I started school
223
00:16:35,446 --> 00:16:37,402
Sometimes I wonder where I'd be today
if it wasn't
224
00:16:37,486 --> 00:16:38,839
(DONOVAN FUSSING)
225
00:16:38,926 --> 00:16:40,154
Oh, come on
226
00:16:40,246 --> 00:16:43,238
We don't want
you wetting the bed at the wrong end
227
00:16:43,326 --> 00:16:46,284
Some of us aren't very well in this room
228
00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:49,039
I'll just pop you downstairs for a sec
229
00:16:49,646 --> 00:16:51,204
Right, there
230
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,677
-Then I'll be off
-Right
231
00:17:05,286 --> 00:17:09,438
Here we are, look
We're going to leave you with Uncle Victor now
232
00:17:09,526 --> 00:17:11,278
So that'll be nice, won't it?
233
00:17:11,366 --> 00:17:12,640
(DONOVAN CRYING)
234
00:17:12,726 --> 00:17:15,081
Back in a sec, just going to say goodbye
235
00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:16,281
Right
236
00:17:19,926 --> 00:17:21,917
(VICTOR SHUSHING)
237
00:17:23,206 --> 00:17:24,434
(DONOVAN QUIETING)
238
00:17:25,726 --> 00:17:27,159
(DONOVAN CRYING)
239
00:17:29,766 --> 00:17:31,245
(DONOVAN QUIETING)
240
00:17:35,686 --> 00:17:37,517
God save us
241
00:17:51,966 --> 00:17:53,160
(DONOVAN CRYING)
242
00:17:53,286 --> 00:17:54,639
(DONOVAN QUIETING)
243
00:17:55,326 --> 00:17:56,600
(DONOVAN CRYING)
244
00:18:11,606 --> 00:18:15,758
I think we might be in business now, Mr Meldrew
You got anything we can try down it?
245
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:16,961
Hang on
246
00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:19,480
-MRS WARBOYS: Bye, Margaret
-Bye
247
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,045
See you tomorrow
248
00:18:24,606 --> 00:18:27,040
-Say when
-Go
249
00:18:29,806 --> 00:18:32,525
-ANDREA: Bye
-Oh, well done
250
00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:35,524
Seems to have made a difference, doesn't it?
It was just a matter of
251
00:18:35,606 --> 00:18:38,245
Oh, God, no!
252
00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:40,963
What's the matter now, then?
253
00:18:41,046 --> 00:18:42,365
I think my back's gone
254
00:18:42,446 --> 00:18:45,279
I'm afraid it does this from time to time
Damn thing
255
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:48,278
Ten to one it's that archery practice set it off
256
00:18:48,486 --> 00:18:49,999
Oh, God!
257
00:18:50,606 --> 00:18:53,643
-I don't think I can't get up off the floor
-What?
258
00:18:53,726 --> 00:18:56,399
Can't get off the floor?
Well, let me give you a hand
259
00:18:56,486 --> 00:18:59,523
No, no, no, please, please It's no use
260
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:00,959
I can't
261
00:19:01,486 --> 00:19:03,875
Oh, my God, what's happened? Is he dead?
262
00:19:05,326 --> 00:19:08,238
Unfortunately not If he was, we could move him
263
00:19:09,206 --> 00:19:10,605
His back's gone
264
00:19:12,006 --> 00:19:13,644
I'llI'll call an ambulance
265
00:19:13,726 --> 00:19:15,364
Oh, that'll be no use
266
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,006
They can't do a thing for backs, hospitals
267
00:19:18,686 --> 00:19:20,802
I'll ring for an osteopath
268
00:19:20,886 --> 00:19:23,002
There's one my brother uses
269
00:19:23,766 --> 00:19:25,643
It's going to be all right
270
00:19:25,806 --> 00:19:29,685
A couple of sharp snaps
and she'll soon have you walking again
271
00:19:30,206 --> 00:19:32,925
Only don't try and move anything
272
00:20:09,286 --> 00:20:12,358
You haven't seen those earrings about, have you?
273
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:14,678
What earrings?
274
00:20:14,766 --> 00:20:17,564
You feeling a bit better now, are you, evidently?
275
00:20:17,646 --> 00:20:18,965
Yes
276
00:20:19,046 --> 00:20:20,684
Seem to be
277
00:20:20,766 --> 00:20:23,803
Funny, really It's since Andrea came
278
00:20:23,886 --> 00:20:25,604
Oh, it's such a tonic,
279
00:20:25,686 --> 00:20:28,758
seeing how she's grown up
and matured and everything,
280
00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:32,203
from what she was in those days
to what she is now
281
00:20:33,086 --> 00:20:35,441
It so easily could have gone the other way
282
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:40,042
Oh, and that little kiddie of hers
Couldn't you just eat him?
283
00:20:42,286 --> 00:20:44,277
Not on top of the kippers, no
284
00:20:46,366 --> 00:20:48,960
He was very taken
with that garden gnome of ours
285
00:20:49,046 --> 00:20:51,844
It's the only thing I could use
to get him to stop crying
286
00:20:51,926 --> 00:20:53,405
What?
287
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:57,240
I put them on the tray inside some cotton wool
288
00:20:57,646 --> 00:21:00,240
You brought the thing down
What did you do with them?
289
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,520
Sorry?
290
00:21:02,806 --> 00:21:04,683
They're not in the pedal-bin
291
00:21:05,046 --> 00:21:09,085
I mean, what did you do with all the leftovers
that were lying about on the
292
00:21:10,246 --> 00:21:13,636
Oh, God, no, Victor
293
00:21:13,726 --> 00:21:14,875
What?
294
00:21:15,286 --> 00:21:17,038
Not the waste-disposal
295
00:21:17,486 --> 00:21:18,601
Sorry?
296
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:21,044
You didn't
297
00:21:21,126 --> 00:21:23,799
Not my mother's pearl earrings
298
00:21:24,646 --> 00:21:27,206
Um, I don't remember
299
00:21:27,846 --> 00:21:30,076
(SPLUTTERING)
300
00:21:33,486 --> 00:21:35,238
That's it
301
00:21:35,326 --> 00:21:38,124
Tomorrow morning, I'm going back to work
302
00:21:38,526 --> 00:21:42,724
I'm going back to work for a bloody rest!
303
00:21:45,886 --> 00:21:47,524
(DOOR SLAMS)
304
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:57,564
Well, we all make mistakes from time to time
305
00:21:57,646 --> 00:21:58,965
Oh, yes!
306
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,324
I certainly made one
307
00:22:01,406 --> 00:22:03,124
35 years ago
308
00:22:35,966 --> 00:22:37,604
(GROANING)
309
00:22:37,686 --> 00:22:39,836
Sorry, did I wake you?
310
00:22:41,206 --> 00:22:44,960
It's all right, Mr Meldrew
I'm afraid I'm a bit of a light sleeper
311
00:22:45,526 --> 00:22:48,882
I'm sorry the osteopath
couldn't get here till the morning,
312
00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:52,045
but she did say she'd try and get round first thing
313
00:22:52,126 --> 00:22:53,878
I hope so, Mr Meldrew
314
00:22:58,886 --> 00:23:00,205
VICTOR: Yes
315
00:23:01,846 --> 00:23:03,518
I hope so, too
316
00:23:22,846 --> 00:23:24,325
(DOORBELL RINGING)
317
00:23:24,406 --> 00:23:25,441
Ah!
318
00:23:25,526 --> 00:23:27,323
Oh, thank God
319
00:23:28,966 --> 00:23:33,323
WOMAN: Good morning I'm sorry to disturb you
so early, but I understand you've
320
00:23:33,406 --> 00:23:35,362
VICTOR: Yes, that's fine Come on in
321
00:23:35,446 --> 00:23:39,837
Just through there It's all yours
I'll leave you to it if you don't mind
322
00:23:39,966 --> 00:23:41,558
WOMAN: Are you sure?
323
00:23:41,646 --> 00:23:43,557
Thanks ever so much
324
00:23:46,806 --> 00:23:48,319
(EXCLAIMING)
325
00:23:57,526 --> 00:24:01,405
Umis it this one on the floor?
326
00:24:01,766 --> 00:24:03,119
VICTOR: Sorry?
327
00:24:03,206 --> 00:24:05,242
Is it the one on the floor?
328
00:24:05,446 --> 00:24:07,596
Of course the one on the floor!
329
00:24:07,806 --> 00:24:10,001
Who else is bloody well down there?
330
00:24:12,206 --> 00:24:14,003
Right, I'm off to the cleaner's now
331
00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:17,237
I'll just get the bus
because it stops right outside the door
332
00:24:24,686 --> 00:24:28,156
You were right
He's giving them away to anyone who asks
333
00:24:28,286 --> 00:24:31,483
He just pointed me towards it
and he goes, ''It's all yours''
334
00:24:31,566 --> 00:24:34,444
What did I tell you?
He's barmy as the Pope's Catholic
335
00:24:34,526 --> 00:24:36,994
Come on, quick, before he changes his mind
336
00:24:39,166 --> 00:24:43,842
The car keys are just in the hall here
if you want to take it
337
00:24:53,206 --> 00:24:54,719
(CAR STARTING)
338
00:25:01,046 --> 00:25:02,684
Victor!
339
00:25:14,406 --> 00:25:15,885
(DOOR SLAMMING)
340
00:25:16,486 --> 00:25:18,477
VICTOR: God Almighty
341
00:25:23,806 --> 00:25:26,957
Now, before you say anything, don't say anything
342
00:25:28,046 --> 00:25:31,800
I managed to get them both back eventually
after a very long and unpleasant argument
343
00:25:31,886 --> 00:25:34,161
down at The Rat-Catcher's Rest
344
00:25:34,846 --> 00:25:38,361
Six bloody pints of Guinness apiece it cost me
345
00:25:39,086 --> 00:25:41,042
before they eventually saw reason
346
00:25:41,126 --> 00:25:45,085
So don't start up, all right,
because I am not in the mood
347
00:25:50,846 --> 00:25:52,199
Thank you
348
00:25:53,446 --> 00:25:54,845
What was that for?
349
00:25:56,166 --> 00:25:58,316
I've just read it in the paper
350
00:25:58,406 --> 00:25:59,885
Read what in the
351
00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:03,442
Oh, I forgot that came today
352
00:26:06,166 --> 00:26:07,315
Sorry
353
00:26:07,806 --> 00:26:11,242
I thought perhaps
you might never find out about it
354
00:26:11,726 --> 00:26:13,796
What does that say in there, then?
355
00:26:15,566 --> 00:26:22,404
Says, ''The police are still looking
for the emotionally disturbed girl
356
00:26:23,126 --> 00:26:26,198
''who escaped from
a remand home last Wednesday''
357
00:26:27,806 --> 00:26:30,559
That they think she's probably the same one
358
00:26:30,646 --> 00:26:35,242
who abducted a little baby boy
from his parents' garden two days ago
359
00:26:38,966 --> 00:26:42,436
I rang that incident room number up
yesterday afternoon,
360
00:26:44,086 --> 00:26:45,838
told them she'd been here
361
00:26:47,086 --> 00:26:50,078
Sorry, Margaret,
I know how much she meant to you
362
00:26:50,166 --> 00:26:51,315
Yes
363
00:26:52,366 --> 00:26:53,560
Well
364
00:26:54,286 --> 00:26:56,481
It's not really her fault
365
00:26:56,566 --> 00:27:00,275
That's what happens
when you don't get a decent start in life
366
00:27:02,606 --> 00:27:05,564
She took the pearl earrings as well,
367
00:27:05,646 --> 00:27:07,159
didn't she?
368
00:27:13,246 --> 00:27:15,521
And you would never have said a thing
369
00:27:16,926 --> 00:27:20,441
Well, I've taken the blame
for every other disaster this week
370
00:27:21,926 --> 00:27:24,804
I didn't think one more
would make any difference
371
00:27:26,446 --> 00:27:27,765
(DOORBELL RINGING)
372
00:27:31,766 --> 00:27:33,199
Hello
373
00:27:33,286 --> 00:27:34,639
It's Mr Meldrew, is it?
374
00:27:34,726 --> 00:27:39,163
Look, if someone's told you I'm giving away
free video recorders, you're wasting your time
375
00:27:39,246 --> 00:27:42,044
Sorry, I'm Mrs Ashcroft
376
00:27:42,206 --> 00:27:44,515
It was our baby that was stolen the other day,
377
00:27:44,606 --> 00:27:48,724
and I gather it's thanks to your information
the police managed to pick up that girl,
378
00:27:48,806 --> 00:27:50,319
just round the corner from here
379
00:27:50,406 --> 00:27:53,318
And we just wanted to pop by and say
380
00:27:53,406 --> 00:27:56,603
Well, words can't express it, can they?
381
00:27:56,686 --> 00:27:59,246
Now that we've got him back, it's just
382
00:27:59,446 --> 00:28:02,518
Thank you very, very much
383
00:28:02,646 --> 00:28:05,683
from me and my husband
384
00:28:22,526 --> 00:28:25,324
# They say I might as well face the truth
385
00:28:26,046 --> 00:28:28,924
# That I am just too long in the tooth
386
00:28:29,326 --> 00:28:32,398
# I've started to deteriorate
387
00:28:32,886 --> 00:28:35,923
#And now I've passed my own sell-by date
388
00:28:36,486 --> 00:28:39,239
# Oh, I am no spring chicken, it's true
389
00:28:39,606 --> 00:28:42,723
# I have to pop my teeth in to chew
390
00:28:43,486 --> 00:28:46,478
#And my old knees have started to knock
391
00:28:46,926 --> 00:28:49,838
# I've just got too many miles on the clock
392
00:28:50,206 --> 00:28:54,165
# So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, set in my ways
393
00:28:54,406 --> 00:28:57,762
# It's true that my body has seen better days
394
00:28:57,886 --> 00:29:01,083
# But give me half a chance
and I can still misbehave
395
00:29:01,726 --> 00:29:03,762
# One foot in the grave
396
00:29:04,966 --> 00:29:07,241
# One foot in the grave
397
00:29:08,686 --> 00:29:10,756
# One foot in the grave #