1
00:00:02,885 --> 00:00:06,036
# They say I might as well face the truth
2
00:00:06,485 --> 00:00:09,443
# That I am just too long in the tooth
3
00:00:09,965 --> 00:00:12,877
# So I'm an OAP and weak-kneed
4
00:00:13,405 --> 00:00:16,442
# But I have not yet quite gone to seed
5
00:00:16,845 --> 00:00:20,918
# I may be over the hill now that I have retired
6
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# Fading away but I've not yet expired
7
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# Clapped out, run down, too old to save
8
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# One foot in the grave #
9
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(SIGHING LOUDLY)
10
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Oh, hello
11
00:01:01,085 --> 00:01:03,235
Yes, speaking
12
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No, no
13
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I've enjoyed listening to the complete works of
Rachmaninov through a plimsoll
14
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It's brightened my day, no end
15
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Never mind
16
00:01:16,525 --> 00:01:20,962
Well, it's about this private prosecution
you're proposing to take out on my husband
17
00:01:21,045 --> 00:01:25,436
for an unprovoked physical assault
on the 1 4th of June, this year
18
00:01:25,525 --> 00:01:30,963
To wit, the forcible insertion
of a hypodermic syringe into our client's bottom,
19
00:01:32,165 --> 00:01:34,520
occasioning him actual bodily harm
20
00:01:36,405 --> 00:01:37,633
Firstly,
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I have to say, I'm amazed how long it's taken you
to scrape some kind of case together on this one
22
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Secondly,
23
00:01:45,725 --> 00:01:48,956
since your client's bottom was being
thrust out of a car window
24
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at the time the attack took place,
I'd hardly call it unprovoked
25
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And thirdly,
26
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as my husband's now been dead for five months,
I'd say your chances of getting a conviction
27
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are not especially high
28
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Oh, yes, I most certainly am
29
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Entirely serious
30
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And if you want to go raking up evidence
31
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why don't you try finding the piece of scum
who sent him flying into the gutter that night
32
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without so much as stopping to see
33
00:02:23,725 --> 00:02:25,761
If you would please, yes
34
00:02:26,725 --> 00:02:28,283
In the meantime,
35
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:32,643
I can just file this away, can I,
with all my other legal correspondence
36
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Thank you
37
00:02:40,765 --> 00:02:42,084
Now, then
38
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What's next?
39
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(DOORBELL RINGING)
40
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Oh, yes
41
00:02:55,045 --> 00:02:57,684
Mr Gundry, do please come in
42
00:03:02,085 --> 00:03:05,600
Mrs Meldrew, how is it?
You sounded rather agitated on the phone
43
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Yes, and it's hardly surprising, is it?
44
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The money this is costing me
45
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for what I hoped would be a precious
46
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and lasting memorial to my marriage
47
00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:25,634
We did agree on the composition,
with you, very slightly foreground
48
00:03:25,725 --> 00:03:27,920
I'm not talking about the composition
49
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I'm talking about this
50
00:03:31,325 --> 00:03:35,000
How many photograph albums
did I give you to work from?
51
00:03:35,085 --> 00:03:39,237
-I'm sorry, I don't quite
-It's Alastair Sim, isn't it?
52
00:03:43,285 --> 00:03:46,243
Alastair Sim? No, no, no, no, no
53
00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:49,516
Do you think?
54
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:53,393
I don't know why you didn't just put him in drag
as the headmistress of St Trinians
55
00:03:53,485 --> 00:03:54,759
and have done with it
56
00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:59,157
No, no I'm afraid I'll have to take issue
with you on that, Mrs Meldrew
57
00:03:59,245 --> 00:04:03,602
I mean, Alastair Sim had a much more
rascally quality, which was quite different
58
00:04:03,685 --> 00:04:06,643
The sort of parts
that would now be played by a Bob Hoskins
59
00:04:06,725 --> 00:04:09,637
or a Freddie Jones, if one thinks of him,
60
00:04:09,725 --> 00:04:12,637
for example, as Professor Potter
in the School for Scoundrels.
61
00:04:12,725 --> 00:04:17,082
Look, I don't want a bloody debate
about his film career
62
00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:22,114
All I'm saying is, this is not the man
I shared 38 years of my life with
63
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And it's not going on my wall looking like that
64
00:04:26,565 --> 00:04:31,081
So, you can just have another go, Mr Gundry,
65
00:04:31,165 --> 00:04:33,042
before I go totally witless
66
00:04:37,565 --> 00:04:39,954
Oh, Glynis, you're early
67
00:04:40,045 --> 00:04:42,605
Or am I late? Oh, heck!
68
00:04:42,805 --> 00:04:45,319
It's okay Don't panic
69
00:04:46,645 --> 00:04:49,796
I booked a table for 1 :30
but they're very easy at that place
70
00:04:49,885 --> 00:04:52,115
Have I missed all the fun and games?
71
00:04:52,205 --> 00:04:53,797
Oh, don't
72
00:04:53,885 --> 00:04:56,001
You talk about taking over the baton
73
00:04:56,085 --> 00:04:59,122
Listen, I've just about had a week of it myself
74
00:04:59,205 --> 00:05:04,199
What with Michael's old chum sending me that
hideous specimen yesterday morning
75
00:05:04,285 --> 00:05:06,116
Oh, dear, what's this?
76
00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:09,436
Best left till we're on our coffees, I think
77
00:05:09,525 --> 00:05:13,040
I don't know The problems just don't seem
to go away these days, do they?
78
00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:14,524
Oh
79
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,760
But then, they never did
80
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,796
VICTOR: Unbelievable!
81
00:05:22,925 --> 00:05:27,123
I sometimes think the entire human race
has gone completely daffy
82
00:05:28,005 --> 00:05:30,883
Do you know what they were doing up there
at the supermarket
83
00:05:30,965 --> 00:05:33,240
when I called in for your cauliflower?
84
00:05:33,325 --> 00:05:37,034
Only filming a bloody Christmas commercial
for television
85
00:05:37,845 --> 00:05:39,801
In the middle of June
86
00:05:41,045 --> 00:05:45,721
Ruddy Santa's elves dancing about
and God knows what-not
87
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:49,123
They had the whole car park
covered in shredded paper
88
00:05:49,205 --> 00:05:53,562
blowing it about here, there and everywhere
to look as if it's snowing
89
00:05:54,365 --> 00:05:55,878
Look at that
90
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:59,638
I hate to think where else it's got to
91
00:06:00,965 --> 00:06:04,196
Right up my exhaust, I bet a pound to a penny
92
00:06:06,965 --> 00:06:09,195
Where did that come from?
93
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,560
Oh, it's one Mum did ages ago
94
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:17,235
Apart from a couple of little rips,
it's still in pretty good nick
95
00:06:17,325 --> 00:06:19,964
I thought I might put an advert in the local
96
00:06:20,045 --> 00:06:23,958
Let's see if there's someone out there
who wants to give it a good ho Oh!
97
00:06:24,045 --> 00:06:27,720
You haven't been to that car boot again?
98
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:30,683
What is the point of my having a good clear out
99
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,598
when you bring back all this junk?
100
00:06:36,765 --> 00:06:40,553
You know what I managed to get hold of?
Do you remember old Dr Spicer,
101
00:06:40,645 --> 00:06:43,318
dropped dead last year
at the Texaco filling station?
102
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:47,916
Oh, and someone tried to give him
the kiss of life with the free air pump
103
00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:50,994
Oh, you're joking
104
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:56,277
Twenty quid was all his daughter wanted
for the full bag of tricks
105
00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:59,163
Even got one of those things
for testing your blood pressure
106
00:06:59,245 --> 00:07:01,520
You test my blood pressure
107
00:07:04,085 --> 00:07:06,724
I suppose this is going to be
the new obsession now, is it?
108
00:07:06,805 --> 00:07:08,796
-Sorry?
-Ever since you picked up that leaflet
109
00:07:08,885 --> 00:07:11,558
in the post office about heart disease
110
00:07:18,725 --> 00:07:20,078
Nothing
111
00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:23,164
What does that mean?
112
00:07:23,245 --> 00:07:26,317
I'm either dead or deaf
113
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:29,477
I haven't got much longer for this world,
I can tell you that much
114
00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:35,037
Excuse me Which one of us actually suffered
a coronary last year? I seem to have forgotten
115
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:39,082
Isn't that district nurse of yours
coming round this afternoon?
116
00:07:39,165 --> 00:07:41,076
Ah, she'll give me a quick check
117
00:07:41,285 --> 00:07:44,004
Just to make sure I'm still ticking over at any rate
118
00:07:44,205 --> 00:07:45,194
We'll see
119
00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:49,482
How far up's a rectal thermometer meant to go?
120
00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:52,194
What?
121
00:07:54,885 --> 00:07:58,480
1 06, this one says That should be enough
122
00:07:59,925 --> 00:08:02,837
I feel as if I'm burning up to high heaven
123
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:09,961
Then we're fine again, then, Mrs Meldrew
124
00:08:10,045 --> 00:08:11,558
I shan't need to see you again now until
125
00:08:11,645 --> 00:08:12,714
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
126
00:08:12,805 --> 00:08:14,716
-Should we say, the 1 0th of August?
-Yes, that's fine
127
00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:17,717
Excuse us, that'll probably be my nanny
128
00:08:17,805 --> 00:08:19,523
Hello
129
00:08:19,605 --> 00:08:22,244
Hi, Rachel, what's the prob
130
00:08:22,325 --> 00:08:25,123
Oh, really, when did he ring?
131
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:28,641
Excuse me, it's a query from my accountant
about something Would you mind if I just?
132
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:32,718
No, no I've got to get this stuff out
to the dustman, anyway
133
00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:36,036
Oh, yes Well, it's probably on
the January bank statement
134
00:08:36,125 --> 00:08:38,161
which is either in that letter rack
135
00:08:38,245 --> 00:08:40,600
or on the desk in my bedroom
136
00:08:40,765 --> 00:08:42,084
Could you?
137
00:08:43,165 --> 00:08:44,917
Mr Meldrew, are you well?
138
00:08:45,005 --> 00:08:47,838
Ah, well, I'm hoping so
139
00:08:47,925 --> 00:08:50,883
I don't know if my wife
has said anything to you about my
140
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:54,241
Oh, yes You were a bit concerned
about your fitness level
141
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:58,557
Okay, how long would it take you
to just race upstairs, do you think?
142
00:09:00,645 --> 00:09:02,920
Yes, I think I can manage that
143
00:09:09,085 --> 00:09:14,079
That's about right Now, if you could
very quickly run down it for me then, please
144
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,041
Sorry, can you repeat that?
145
00:09:25,885 --> 00:09:27,557
Yeah, keep going
146
00:09:30,685 --> 00:09:32,038
Keep going
147
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:39,675
Okay, then Just try skipping to the bottom
148
00:09:40,085 --> 00:09:41,882
(THUMPING ON STAIRS)
149
00:09:44,045 --> 00:09:47,276
Ah, stop there That's what we want, er
150
00:09:47,885 --> 00:09:49,796
Now, you've gone a bit faint
151
00:09:49,885 --> 00:09:51,637
Yes, just a little
152
00:09:53,765 --> 00:09:56,802
No, no, I just wanted to check the balance
153
00:10:02,005 --> 00:10:04,724
Yep, yep, that's fine
154
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:10,357
If you could very quickly get that off for me,
that would be lovely
155
00:10:13,605 --> 00:10:17,644
Oh, how's the little fellow, by the way?
Not playing up at all?
156
00:10:21,645 --> 00:10:24,000
Is that something else I've got to worry about?
157
00:10:24,205 --> 00:10:28,039
No, just stick a first class stamp on it,
that'll be fine
158
00:10:28,245 --> 00:10:30,122
-What?
-Bye
159
00:10:31,485 --> 00:10:34,045
Oh, Mr Meldrew
160
00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:39,276
We were saying Have you thought about
taking up jogging at all?
161
00:10:43,285 --> 00:10:45,958
My legs are all seizing up now
162
00:10:46,765 --> 00:10:51,202
I knew that would happen if I went for that run
in the park this evening
163
00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:52,513
Bloody woman
164
00:10:52,605 --> 00:10:55,119
Should've never listened to her in the first place
165
00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:57,844
MARGARET: You're just not used to the exercise
166
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,644
I mean, that did my confidence
a lot of good, didn't it?
167
00:11:00,725 --> 00:11:03,717
Being lapped by an over-80s fitness class
168
00:11:05,245 --> 00:11:08,840
Artificial hips clacking away as they went past
169
00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:15,358
Bought a drink to cool off and some tramp
chucked 50p in my cup
170
00:11:16,965 --> 00:11:19,274
I mean, what's the point?
171
00:11:19,365 --> 00:11:21,754
I suppose we've all got to go sometime
172
00:11:21,845 --> 00:11:23,881
MARGARET: Where, exactly?
173
00:11:23,965 --> 00:11:25,034
What do you mean?
174
00:11:25,125 --> 00:11:28,242
Apparently, old Mrs Gantwood down on the corner
175
00:11:28,325 --> 00:11:32,955
has asked the hospital now if they can just
let her husband die with dignity
176
00:11:33,765 --> 00:11:37,360
But he only went in for a cataract operation,
didn't he?
177
00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:40,994
I know, I think she's pushing her luck
a bit there, to be honest
178
00:11:43,005 --> 00:11:45,235
Oh, Victor
179
00:11:45,325 --> 00:11:49,682
Put that ruddy thing away
You know you haven't got a clue how it works
180
00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:52,644
(HISSING)
181
00:11:53,605 --> 00:11:56,165
Oh, it's got a ruddy puncture now
182
00:11:56,685 --> 00:11:58,437
How did that happen?
183
00:12:01,245 --> 00:12:03,475
Can I smell onions frying?
184
00:12:10,885 --> 00:12:14,958
Oh, there's a man there on the corner,
setting up a hot dog stand
185
00:12:16,165 --> 00:12:19,157
Two women next to him, lighting candles
186
00:12:19,765 --> 00:12:22,643
What on earth do you suppose that's about?
187
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:49,523
Oi, oi, oi! Where do you think you're going?
188
00:12:49,605 --> 00:12:53,564
A lot of people here before you, you know,
with worse things to worry about
189
00:12:53,645 --> 00:12:58,002
-Pay you to have a little consideration
-Worse things to worry about?
190
00:12:58,325 --> 00:13:00,520
Who are these people?
191
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:03,722
This is my house, for goodness sake
192
00:13:04,245 --> 00:13:05,963
(BLITHERING)
193
00:13:07,285 --> 00:13:08,638
Excuse me!
194
00:13:09,245 --> 00:13:11,554
MAN: In you go Easy
195
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,677
(GREGORIAN CHANT PLAYING)
196
00:13:32,165 --> 00:13:33,439
Victor
197
00:13:36,005 --> 00:13:39,441
If you would, Father
Yes, I'd appreciate it Thank you
198
00:13:39,525 --> 00:13:42,756
Well, speak to me Wake me up Anything!
199
00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:44,563
It's this bloody advert
200
00:13:44,645 --> 00:13:46,317
I wish I'd never put it in
201
00:13:46,405 --> 00:13:50,717
It's not my fault that people twist things round
and see what they want to see
202
00:13:50,805 --> 00:13:55,401
Advert?
''Remarkable embroidery of the Virgin Mary
203
00:13:55,485 --> 00:13:57,441
''Beautifully hand stitched
204
00:13:57,525 --> 00:14:00,722
''Has two small tears under her eyes''
205
00:14:03,165 --> 00:14:05,235
What do you want to put that for?
206
00:14:05,325 --> 00:14:09,603
Two small tears, is what it says
207
00:14:10,605 --> 00:14:12,402
Just after you left
208
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:16,000
those two women turned up,
said they'd been outside all night
209
00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:18,679
praying for a friend of theirs who's in hospital
210
00:14:18,765 --> 00:14:21,279
First thing this morning,
they heard his results were clear
211
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:23,959
Could they come in
and give thanks for the miracle?
212
00:14:24,165 --> 00:14:26,395
Well, before I could even gather my thoughts
213
00:14:26,645 --> 00:14:28,681
all this lot started to arrive,
214
00:14:28,765 --> 00:14:31,074
like something out of Franco Zeffirelli
215
00:14:31,165 --> 00:14:35,477
I've phoned Father Blakey at Sacred Heart
He's going to try and get round here right away
216
00:14:35,565 --> 00:14:38,762
And let them down gently Don't ask me how
217
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:41,484
Some more holy water Would you mind?
218
00:14:41,565 --> 00:14:42,634
No
219
00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:59,154
Faith is a powerful motivator, Mrs Meldrew
220
00:14:59,245 --> 00:15:01,759
It brings out the pilgrim in us all
221
00:15:01,845 --> 00:15:04,962
However you look at it,
this is a most extraordinary occurrence
222
00:15:05,045 --> 00:15:07,878
Not so extraordinary in this house, I'm afraid
223
00:15:08,405 --> 00:15:10,157
Rather more par for the course
224
00:15:10,245 --> 00:15:14,397
Oh, dear Sounds as if you might welcome
a little spiritual comfort yourself, sometime
225
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:17,036
Sometime, very possibly
226
00:15:21,685 --> 00:15:23,323
GLYNIS: Margaret.
227
00:15:26,405 --> 00:15:29,203
Oh, sorry, Glynis
228
00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:32,683
-It's just
-I know
229
00:15:33,685 --> 00:15:35,323
Steals up on you,
230
00:15:36,485 --> 00:15:38,396
like a knife in the ribs
231
00:15:39,245 --> 00:15:41,713
Ah, and it's so much worse for you
232
00:15:42,445 --> 00:15:44,242
I mean, with Michael,
233
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:48,478
well, you're just trying to fight nature
234
00:15:49,325 --> 00:15:51,281
But what happened to Victor
235
00:15:53,325 --> 00:15:56,635
I don't know, Margaret,
how you ever deal with that
236
00:15:57,885 --> 00:15:59,557
Oh, I have a way
237
00:16:01,285 --> 00:16:04,914
So, what were you saying earlier
238
00:16:05,045 --> 00:16:07,195
about a hideous specimen?
239
00:16:07,285 --> 00:16:09,560
This from his friends at the zoo?
240
00:16:09,645 --> 00:16:12,603
Seventeen years, I think I told you,
he worked there as a keeper
241
00:16:12,685 --> 00:16:14,880
Fifteen, in the reptile house
242
00:16:14,965 --> 00:16:18,753
Snakes, lizards, anything with scales,
he could cope with
243
00:16:19,885 --> 00:16:22,638
It was people always set his teeth on edge
244
00:16:22,725 --> 00:16:24,124
I think I know the type
245
00:16:24,205 --> 00:16:27,436
Last week, one of his favourite animals died
246
00:16:29,805 --> 00:16:34,003
They had it made into a coffee table
and delivered to our house
247
00:16:34,325 --> 00:16:38,079
Somehow, I don't think,
it would have made his day
248
00:16:38,245 --> 00:16:39,803
I know
249
00:16:39,885 --> 00:16:41,955
I was just starting to wonder with Victor,
250
00:16:42,045 --> 00:16:45,481
how much torment one man can take in his life
251
00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:51,202
It's like the morning, we thought we'd go
for a nice little drive to the market in Lanchester
252
00:16:51,285 --> 00:16:52,638
Didn't quite work out?
253
00:17:00,685 --> 00:17:04,837
Well, at least that bag of medical instruments
came in handy in the end
254
00:17:04,925 --> 00:17:07,120
I mean, what sort of brain disorder is it anyway,
255
00:17:07,205 --> 00:17:11,198
that makes someone want
to stick their bare backside out of a car window
256
00:17:11,285 --> 00:17:13,116
at you in the first place
257
00:17:13,205 --> 00:17:14,558
I don't know
258
00:17:14,645 --> 00:17:17,239
But I don't suppose he'll be doing it again
in a hurry
259
00:17:17,325 --> 00:17:21,113
After you lobbed that hypodermic syringe
into it like Eric Bristow
260
00:17:22,925 --> 00:17:25,359
He's lucky I didn't have a snooker cue
261
00:17:26,165 --> 00:17:29,396
Anyway, it brought a bit of colour to his cheeks
262
00:17:30,605 --> 00:17:33,517
Bad enough falling asleep in that park
with that sun cream lotion on
263
00:17:33,605 --> 00:17:36,677
and getting a face full of grass cuttings
264
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:40,041
Walking about like David Bellamy with greenfly
265
00:17:41,205 --> 00:17:44,675
That couple took one look at me
and fell out of their boat
266
00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:49,885
Heaven knows what they thought,
that I had some form of hideous skin disease
267
00:17:49,965 --> 00:17:52,320
Oh, here we go again
268
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,762
Look, everywhere under the sun Look at that
269
00:17:56,845 --> 00:17:59,678
I wonder who this is from Postmark Swansea
270
00:17:59,885 --> 00:18:03,798
Now, then What time is that film on,
that I want to record?
271
00:18:04,445 --> 00:18:06,083
8:1 5
272
00:18:06,645 --> 00:18:10,638
That just gives me over an hour
to open this packet of videos
273
00:18:15,205 --> 00:18:19,323
Oh, and why we ever thought
it was a good idea to go and visit cousin Ivor
274
00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:22,842
I might've known he would just want to show off
that new car of his
275
00:18:22,925 --> 00:18:25,917
Made me feel that mine was just a heap of rust
276
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:30,117
Got me to look out of his electronic sun-roof
and what happened?
277
00:18:30,205 --> 00:18:33,834
Ruddy panel jammed against my neck
and I get stuck there
278
00:18:35,045 --> 00:18:40,039
I had to go all the way to the fire station with my
head poking out the top like a ruddy tank turret
279
00:18:40,125 --> 00:18:44,641
I know I was there, if you recall
280
00:18:44,805 --> 00:18:46,796
Oh, look This is interesting
281
00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:49,758
Do you remember Tom Jones
who was on the milk with you?
282
00:18:49,845 --> 00:18:52,757
Thirty odd years ago,
when you both worked for Lea Valley Dairies
283
00:18:52,845 --> 00:18:54,642
What's he died of?
284
00:18:55,285 --> 00:18:58,482
Very much alive
He says it's the most amazing thing
285
00:18:58,565 --> 00:19:02,797
Next week they're holding a reunion in London
for all the old gang
286
00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:06,514
And they've been desperately trying
to get hold of you
287
00:19:06,605 --> 00:19:10,917
''As luck would have it, my daughter
still sends the local paper every week
288
00:19:11,005 --> 00:19:14,077
''and that's where I saw the report
of your miracle picture
289
00:19:14,165 --> 00:19:17,362
''which was a miracle in itself
because I got straight on to the editor
290
00:19:17,445 --> 00:19:19,163
''who gave me your address''
291
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,997
What sort of reunion?
292
00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:23,315
Oh, you've got to go, Victor
293
00:19:23,405 --> 00:19:26,761
You'll be able to swap stories
Catch up with everyone
294
00:19:26,845 --> 00:19:30,520
They're all meeting up at a pub called
The Strangers Rest
295
00:19:30,605 --> 00:19:32,641
next Friday at 8:00
296
00:19:32,885 --> 00:19:35,080
Derek Baker, Bob Loft,
297
00:19:35,165 --> 00:19:37,918
Limpy Briddock, Herbie Stranks
298
00:19:38,005 --> 00:19:40,200
There's a whole list of names here
299
00:19:40,285 --> 00:19:43,357
Limpy Briddock My God
300
00:19:44,125 --> 00:19:46,639
He used to work up the dog track
301
00:19:46,725 --> 00:19:50,240
Until he got his shoelace
caught in that electric hare
302
00:19:52,845 --> 00:19:55,564
Wonder what he's been up to over all these years
303
00:19:55,645 --> 00:19:58,682
Well, go along on Friday, you'll find out
304
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,995
It'll be just what you need You'll see
305
00:20:01,085 --> 00:20:03,315
To take you out of yourself
306
00:20:06,645 --> 00:20:09,159
FATHER BLAKEY: Let me get that one.
307
00:20:10,365 --> 00:20:12,162
Oh, Morning
308
00:20:12,405 --> 00:20:15,203
-Are you well?
-I'm fine, Mrs Meldrew
309
00:20:15,445 --> 00:20:17,834
More importantly, how are you coping?
310
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,314
How long is it now? It's four weeks?
311
00:20:20,405 --> 00:20:21,963
And three days
312
00:20:23,525 --> 00:20:26,756
Can I say, this is a very positive thing
you've organised here
313
00:20:26,845 --> 00:20:28,437
Cleaning up other people's filth?
314
00:20:28,525 --> 00:20:30,800
Oh, yes Gives me no end of pleasure
315
00:20:30,885 --> 00:20:33,160
Victor used to say,
it must be a certain kind of person
316
00:20:33,245 --> 00:20:36,840
that regards a lavatory in a toilet
as an optional extra
317
00:20:36,925 --> 00:20:39,962
Yes, well, I've got another recruit for you
this morning
318
00:20:40,045 --> 00:20:42,195
Lady rang me up last night Her name is Glynis
319
00:20:42,285 --> 00:20:45,243
She lost her husband about a week after yourself
320
00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:47,077
He'd been very ill, I gather, for some time
321
00:20:47,165 --> 00:20:48,314
Morning
322
00:20:48,405 --> 00:20:51,078
Are you Margaret? Glynis Holloway
323
00:20:51,165 --> 00:20:53,281
I just wondered if you could do
with another pair of hands
324
00:20:53,365 --> 00:20:55,515
Oh, definitely, the more the merrier
325
00:20:55,605 --> 00:20:57,402
How about if I start with the vacuum cleaner
326
00:20:58,405 --> 00:20:59,394
Sorry?
327
00:21:01,365 --> 00:21:03,401
Oh, right
328
00:21:04,725 --> 00:21:07,876
-You sure you can manage?
-Absolutely fine
329
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:16,195
Mrs Meldrew, I know it must be very hard
for you right now
330
00:21:16,285 --> 00:21:19,004
to find any kind of purpose in the world
331
00:21:20,965 --> 00:21:23,604
I think I see how it works, Father
332
00:21:23,685 --> 00:21:26,597
We're all just characters, really, aren't we?
333
00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:29,040
In a giant soap opera
334
00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:33,277
One by one, God gets bored with us
and decides to kill us off
335
00:21:33,365 --> 00:21:37,677
Victor Meldrew mown down by a hit and run driver
on his way home from a party
336
00:21:38,645 --> 00:21:40,920
Sounds depressingly plausible
337
00:21:41,965 --> 00:21:45,037
A party his wife practically begged him to go to
338
00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:46,877
Well, you
339
00:21:46,965 --> 00:21:51,004
You can't go on torturing yourself
for something that wasn't your fault
340
00:21:51,085 --> 00:21:55,522
Oh, I'm afraid I can do a lot of things, Father,
if I want to
341
00:21:56,125 --> 00:21:59,003
Torturing myself is the least of them
342
00:21:59,965 --> 00:22:05,756
You ask me how I'm coping
Shall I tell you exactly how I'm coping?
343
00:22:06,365 --> 00:22:11,564
By clinging to the hope that one day they find
the bastard who was at the wheel of that car
344
00:22:11,645 --> 00:22:15,923
because if they ever do,
I swear to God, I'm going to kill him
345
00:22:16,445 --> 00:22:19,039
With my bare hands, if necessary
346
00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:22,073
Then they can do what they like with me
347
00:22:22,165 --> 00:22:24,725
Trouble with the world nowadays,
348
00:22:24,805 --> 00:22:29,003
nobody does anything about anything
349
00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,920
Victor tried, God knows
350
00:22:33,005 --> 00:22:35,041
And look where it got him
351
00:22:36,045 --> 00:22:39,276
It's all speed and greed
352
00:22:41,165 --> 00:22:43,599
And he's probably better out of it
353
00:22:47,805 --> 00:22:51,081
The pain is still raw, Mrs Meldrew I can see that
354
00:22:51,485 --> 00:22:55,319
And how can I say I wouldn't feel the same
in your shoes,
355
00:22:56,285 --> 00:22:59,163
but the measure of our strength as human beings
356
00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:01,475
is the goodness in our hearts
357
00:23:03,005 --> 00:23:07,999
One day, as impossible as it seems right now,
I pray that you'll find that strength
358
00:23:09,485 --> 00:23:11,237
Strength to forgive
359
00:23:18,605 --> 00:23:20,277
(BOARD CREAKING)
360
00:23:28,725 --> 00:23:31,159
(LOUD MUSIC AND CHATTERING)
361
00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:47,761
(INAUDIBLE)
362
00:25:45,605 --> 00:25:48,438
I'd watch that chair, sir It's a bit unreliable
363
00:25:48,525 --> 00:25:50,880
Are you here for the Lea Valley Dairies reunion?
364
00:25:50,965 --> 00:25:56,323
Yes I'm afraid I'm a bit on the late side,
to be honest
365
00:25:56,405 --> 00:25:58,839
What with all the trains being up the creek
and everything But
366
00:25:58,925 --> 00:26:01,519
Right, well, I've got a couple of messages
for you here
367
00:26:01,605 --> 00:26:03,960
A Mr Tom Jones rang,
368
00:26:04,045 --> 00:26:08,402
to say unfortunately, there's been some
heavy flooding up on the Welsh coast tonight
369
00:26:08,485 --> 00:26:11,682
Apparently, a male voice choir
was swept out to sea
370
00:26:11,925 --> 00:26:14,598
-And the roads are all impassable, so
-Oh, what a shame
371
00:26:14,685 --> 00:26:17,245
Herbert Stranks is stuck in traffic on the M6
372
00:26:17,325 --> 00:26:20,044
and doesn't think he'll be able to get here
this side of Christmas
373
00:26:20,125 --> 00:26:23,834
Alex Bendricks is really sorry,
but he's had to fly to Hamburg
374
00:26:23,925 --> 00:26:25,483
on business at the last minute
375
00:26:25,565 --> 00:26:29,877
And Bob Loft has decided it's too far to drive
with his kidneys
376
00:26:30,845 --> 00:26:33,484
Right, I won't be seeing any of them this even
377
00:26:33,565 --> 00:26:37,240
Albert Triplejoy has had to stay at home
because his roof has collapsed
378
00:26:37,325 --> 00:26:41,398
Walter Gook called to say his pacemaker's
been recalled by the manufacturer
379
00:26:41,485 --> 00:26:44,238
due to a lethal design fault
380
00:26:44,565 --> 00:26:46,840
Mr Briddock Limpy Briddock?
381
00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:51,558
Has had to work overtime, so he's not sure
what time he'll be able to make it
382
00:26:51,645 --> 00:26:55,558
And this one Cheryl took down
I'm not sure I can read her writing
383
00:26:55,645 --> 00:26:57,715
Derek Baker, is it?
384
00:26:58,365 --> 00:27:02,961
Has got to go and visit his daughter
who's recovering from either a Caesarean section
385
00:27:03,045 --> 00:27:04,717
or a Caesar salad
386
00:27:05,725 --> 00:27:07,761
A bald transvestite
387
00:27:07,925 --> 00:27:10,598
Isn't that everybody
who was supposed to be coming?
388
00:27:10,685 --> 00:27:13,438
Hang on, sir I'll just check for you
389
00:27:13,525 --> 00:27:14,878
Yes, it is
390
00:27:15,765 --> 00:27:20,520
Dinner is served at 9:00,
if you'd like to cast your eye over our menu there
391
00:27:20,845 --> 00:27:23,405
-Or it could be blood transfusion
-Right
392
00:27:24,925 --> 00:27:26,278
So, I suppose
393
00:27:26,365 --> 00:27:30,404
Limpy Briddock might still show up
if he can get away in time
394
00:27:30,485 --> 00:27:32,919
and I haven't seen him for 35 years
395
00:27:33,005 --> 00:27:36,600
Oh, yes, I'm sure he'll be here well in time
for the cabaret, sir
396
00:27:36,725 --> 00:27:38,955
I expect
397
00:27:39,045 --> 00:27:40,717
Cabaret?
398
00:27:40,805 --> 00:27:43,683
Okay, so just to get you in the mood
399
00:27:43,765 --> 00:27:48,634
and hopefully to stir a few of those
lovely memories of times you've shared together,
400
00:27:48,845 --> 00:27:52,474
here are some sounds of the '60s
401
00:27:55,525 --> 00:27:58,961
# Purple haze was in my brain
402
00:27:59,165 --> 00:28:02,919
# Lately things don't seem the same
403
00:28:03,365 --> 00:28:06,994
# Acting funny, but I don't know why
404
00:28:07,525 --> 00:28:11,120
# Excuse me while I kiss the sky
405
00:28:14,885 --> 00:28:18,878
# Well, God said to Abraham, ''Kill me a son''
406
00:28:19,045 --> 00:28:23,004
# Abe said, ''Man, you must be putting me on''
407
00:28:23,125 --> 00:28:24,956
# God said, ''No''
408
00:28:25,045 --> 00:28:27,001
# Abe said, ''What?''
409
00:28:27,085 --> 00:28:30,964
# God said, ''You can do what you want, Abe, but
410
00:28:31,045 --> 00:28:35,163
# ''The next time you see me coming,
you better run''
411
00:28:39,005 --> 00:28:42,475
# Well, Abe said,
''Where do you want this killing done?''
412
00:28:43,125 --> 00:28:47,596
# God say, ''Out on Highway 61 '' #
413
00:29:24,285 --> 00:29:25,923
-Thank you
-Thank you Goodbye
414
00:29:36,645 --> 00:29:40,923
VICTOR: Yes
A complete and utter disaster as usual
415
00:29:41,005 --> 00:29:45,283
Look, I don't want to miss the train
It's supposed to get in at 1 2:35, so
416
00:29:46,045 --> 00:29:48,923
Alright Yes, I'll see you then
417
00:29:51,485 --> 00:29:54,283
No, no, no, of course it wasn't your fault
418
00:29:54,885 --> 00:29:57,080
Anyway, it's over now, so
419
00:29:57,405 --> 00:29:59,680
Okay, bye
420
00:30:02,525 --> 00:30:04,641
Things can only get better
421
00:30:04,925 --> 00:30:06,324
''Dear Mrs Holloway,
422
00:30:06,485 --> 00:30:10,683
''last Monday morning,
the oldest of our giant tortoises, Erasmus,
423
00:30:10,765 --> 00:30:13,325
''died, aged 1 1 9
424
00:30:14,565 --> 00:30:18,843
''Knowing how fond of him Michael was,
we have put together this small keepsake
425
00:30:19,645 --> 00:30:21,158
''for you in the workshop
426
00:30:21,245 --> 00:30:24,840
''The inside being fully scraped out
and sealed with resin
427
00:30:25,005 --> 00:30:27,724
''So, you can use it to store napkins
428
00:30:27,965 --> 00:30:30,718
''or maybe just grow some form of trailing plant''
429
00:30:31,645 --> 00:30:34,717
Do you know,
I have never met anyone else in my life
430
00:30:34,805 --> 00:30:36,557
who goes through all this
431
00:30:36,645 --> 00:30:38,681
How on earth did it happen, Glynis?
432
00:30:38,765 --> 00:30:41,598
In the middle of hell,
how did we manage to find each other?
433
00:30:41,925 --> 00:30:44,155
If we're talking about miracles
434
00:30:45,605 --> 00:30:47,880
What? What is it? Is it another migraine?
435
00:30:48,045 --> 00:30:51,674
Oh, it'll pass if I just rest my eyes for a bit
436
00:30:51,765 --> 00:30:53,562
Yes, or more likely get worse
437
00:30:54,245 --> 00:30:56,281
Let me get you some Paracetamol or something
438
00:30:56,365 --> 00:30:58,720
I could murder some more of that fruit juice
439
00:33:07,165 --> 00:33:08,484
Oh, that's lovely
440
00:33:09,005 --> 00:33:09,994
Thanks
441
00:33:18,965 --> 00:33:20,398
Oh, dear God
442
00:33:24,405 --> 00:33:25,838
Oh, Margaret
443
00:33:26,605 --> 00:33:27,879
Margaret
444
00:33:33,805 --> 00:33:35,318
What can I say?
445
00:33:37,525 --> 00:33:40,085
What can I possibly say?
446
00:33:44,765 --> 00:33:46,437
I was driving too fast
447
00:33:47,925 --> 00:33:49,563
Of course I was
448
00:33:52,325 --> 00:33:54,793
The hospital had rung up that night
449
00:33:58,725 --> 00:34:01,364
to say that Michael might not
450
00:34:04,965 --> 00:34:06,444
And I was just
451
00:34:09,245 --> 00:34:11,520
I mean, I should never have been on the road
452
00:34:20,525 --> 00:34:21,560
I pulled up.
453
00:34:22,125 --> 00:34:24,116
I swear.
454
00:34:24,925 --> 00:34:28,964
I would've gone back,
if I hadn't seen your car coming.
455
00:34:33,525 --> 00:34:35,117
What could I do?
456
00:34:36,005 --> 00:34:37,882
I mean, by that time
457
00:34:39,805 --> 00:34:41,716
What could I have done?
458
00:34:49,485 --> 00:34:53,763
And to have to live with all that
on top of losing Michael
459
00:35:13,405 --> 00:35:16,078
''Tomorrow, I'll tell her''
460
00:35:18,205 --> 00:35:21,675
Every night, I have prayed to God
for the strength, but
461
00:35:31,205 --> 00:35:32,797
I had to find you
462
00:35:34,085 --> 00:35:37,395
You might have needed help, money,
463
00:35:38,245 --> 00:35:39,963
shoulder to cry on
464
00:35:42,965 --> 00:35:44,114
Maybe,
465
00:35:45,485 --> 00:35:46,964
just a friend
466
00:35:53,925 --> 00:35:55,074
I am so sorry
467
00:37:05,645 --> 00:37:09,001
# Well it's all right
468
00:37:09,085 --> 00:37:11,076
# Riding around in the breeze
469
00:37:11,165 --> 00:37:14,601
# Well it's all right
470
00:37:14,685 --> 00:37:16,437
# If you live the life you please
471
00:37:16,525 --> 00:37:20,484
# Well it's all right
472
00:37:20,565 --> 00:37:22,237
# Doing the best you can
473
00:37:22,325 --> 00:37:25,920
# Well it's all right
474
00:37:26,085 --> 00:37:28,315
#As long as you lend a hand
475
00:37:30,765 --> 00:37:34,644
# You can sit around
and wait for the phone to ring
476
00:37:36,405 --> 00:37:40,114
# Waiting for someone to tell you everything
477
00:37:42,165 --> 00:37:45,475
# Sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring
478
00:37:46,925 --> 00:37:49,041
# Maybe a diamond ring
479
00:37:50,005 --> 00:37:53,281
# Well it's all right
480
00:37:53,365 --> 00:37:55,083
# Even if they say you're wrong
481
00:37:55,165 --> 00:37:58,953
# Well it's all right
482
00:37:59,045 --> 00:38:01,400
# Sometimes you gotta be strong
483
00:38:01,485 --> 00:38:04,602
# Well it's all right
484
00:38:04,685 --> 00:38:06,516
#As long as you got somewhere to lay
485
00:38:06,605 --> 00:38:10,439
# Well it's all right
486
00:38:10,525 --> 00:38:12,720
# Everyday is Judgement Day
487
00:38:15,605 --> 00:38:18,403
# Maybe somewhere down the road aways
488
00:38:20,765 --> 00:38:24,440
# You'll think of me
and wonder where I am these days
489
00:38:26,525 --> 00:38:30,438
# Maybe somewhere
down the road when somebody plays
490
00:38:32,085 --> 00:38:34,724
# Purple haze
491
00:38:34,925 --> 00:38:37,564
# Well it's all right
492
00:38:37,645 --> 00:38:40,034
# Even when push comes to shove
493
00:38:40,125 --> 00:38:43,322
# Well it's all right
494
00:38:43,405 --> 00:38:45,521
# If you got someone to love
495
00:38:45,605 --> 00:38:49,075
# Well it's all right
496
00:38:49,165 --> 00:38:51,360
# Everything'll work out fine
497
00:38:51,445 --> 00:38:54,755
# Well it's all right
498
00:38:54,845 --> 00:38:57,359
# We're going to the end of the line
499
00:38:59,765 --> 00:39:03,474
# Don't have to be ashamed of the car I drive
500
00:39:05,045 --> 00:39:09,084
# I'm just glad to be here, happy to be alive
501
00:39:11,405 --> 00:39:15,000
# It don't matter if you're by my side
502
00:39:16,285 --> 00:39:18,799
# I'm satisfied
503
00:39:18,885 --> 00:39:22,036
# Well it's all right
504
00:39:22,125 --> 00:39:23,922
# Even if you're old and grey
505
00:39:24,005 --> 00:39:27,759
# Well it's all right
506
00:39:27,845 --> 00:39:30,313
# You still got something to say
507
00:39:30,405 --> 00:39:33,522
# Well it's all right
508
00:39:33,605 --> 00:39:35,357
# Remember to live and let live
509
00:39:35,445 --> 00:39:39,438
# Well it's all right
510
00:39:39,525 --> 00:39:41,561
# The best you can do is forgive
511
00:39:41,645 --> 00:39:45,115
# Well it's all right
512
00:39:45,205 --> 00:39:46,923
# Riding around in the breeze
513
00:39:47,005 --> 00:39:50,918
# Well it's all right
514
00:39:51,005 --> 00:39:53,121
# If you live the life you please
515
00:39:53,205 --> 00:39:56,641
# Well it's all right
516
00:39:56,725 --> 00:39:58,477
# Even if the sun don't shine
517
00:39:58,565 --> 00:40:02,478
# Well it's all right
518
00:40:02,565 --> 00:40:05,443
# We're going to the end of the line #