1 00:00:41,969 --> 00:00:43,220 So we have a deal then Mr Chin? 2 00:00:43,503 --> 00:00:44,717 Yes, we have a deal. 3 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:45,508 Good. 4 00:00:46,452 --> 00:00:47,959 Do you take Barclaycard? 5 00:00:49,334 --> 00:00:55,580 Do you? No, call me old fashioned or sentimental if you like, but I'm a readies man meself – 6 00:00:55,749 --> 00:00:57,803 cash in hand that's my motto! 7 00:00:58,585 --> 00:01:01,385 Anyway, we'll see you first thing in the morning right, about 11 o' clock. 8 00:01:02,014 --> 00:01:03,034 Can't you do it today? 9 00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:10,219 Oh, no, no, no, sorry I can't do it today Mr Chin. You see, today is a very special day. 10 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:16,160 Today is the anniversary of my late mother's passing from this immortal curl. 11 00:01:17,287 --> 00:01:21,528 And by tradition my brother and me, we always spend the day with her in the cemetery, 12 00:01:22,758 --> 00:01:28,630 tending the grave, that sort of thing. Anyway, I must rush, gotta buy some flowers. 13 00:01:29,227 --> 00:01:31,225 Yes - I'm very sorry! 14 00:01:31,714 --> 00:01:36,341 Oh, it's no sweat, I get them cheap of a geezer in the market! Sayonara. 15 00:01:37,101 --> 00:01:38,029 Cheerio. 16 00:02:11,207 --> 00:02:14,779 There you go Mum...s'cuse the feet. 17 00:02:18,016 --> 00:02:20,448 It's the bestest grave in the entire cemetery Rodney. 18 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:22,823 Yeah, it's mustard. 19 00:02:24,549 --> 00:02:29,224 Yeah, I mean look at the others – thy all look like monuments to the unknown gypo 20 00:02:30,961 --> 00:02:35,658 ...While the others fall and crumble into dust this will stand forever. And do you know why? 21 00:02:36,514 --> 00:02:39,930 'Cos it's the only one in the entire cemetery made of fiberglass. 22 00:02:41,788 --> 00:02:44,423 Del, it's the only one in the entire cemetery that required planning permission! 23 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,130 That's right... 24 00:02:51,927 --> 00:02:53,297 It's looking a bit tatty nowadays. 25 00:02:55,255 --> 00:02:59,398 I don't know, it's not too bad. It's bound to be a bit iffy innit, after 17 years? 26 00:03:00,362 --> 00:03:04,960 I mean, so would you after standing there for 17 years of pigeons and diesel fumes 27 00:03:05,212 --> 00:03:12,043 and other mourners stubbing their cigarette ends out on you. I dunno, maybe you could be right. 28 00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:15,940 It could do with brightening up a bit. 29 00:03:19,263 --> 00:03:26,707 If I added some fiberglass models, of say, an apostle and four cherubims with trumpets, 30 00:03:27,728 --> 00:03:29,805 do you think it would alter the effect? 31 00:03:30,036 --> 00:03:34,537 If you added fiberglass models of Snow White and the seven dwarfs you couldn't alter the effect of that! 32 00:03:36,988 --> 00:03:39,854 Oi, oi, oi, don't start getting sacrificial! 33 00:03:43,145 --> 00:03:45,384 I don't know what's the matter with you Rodney, really I don't. 34 00:03:46,324 --> 00:03:54,957 You seem to have no sense of occasion. You've no... tres bien ensembles, as the French say. 35 00:03:56,474 --> 00:04:02,759 I mean look at you now, loafing about round your mother's graveside. Don't you feel any emotion? 36 00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:06,415 Now look Del, I didn't know Mum that well, did I? 37 00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:11,268 When she died I was just a little nipperoni, all odd socks and eczema! 38 00:04:11,759 --> 00:04:18,504 Now you feel a sense of personal loss – me, I just feel cheated. 39 00:04:32,588 --> 00:04:37,743 I'm sorry Rodney. I should have realized... 40 00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:52,045 Our Mum was a wonderful woman... She had long golden blonde hair...sometimes. 41 00:04:54,841 --> 00:04:58,279 You could see her sitting at the bar in the Nag's Head with her simulated beaver skin - 42 00:04:58,487 --> 00:05:03,234 with her rum and pep in one hand, 20 Senior Service in the other. 43 00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:11,150 She looked like a lady - lots of people mistook her for a money lender. 44 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,636 Really? 45 00:05:12,784 --> 00:05:13,885 Straight up. 46 00:05:16,057 --> 00:05:18,883 Oh yes, course I was much younger then and didn't have much money, 47 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:22,609 but every night she used to send across two or three pints of light bitter, 48 00:05:23,303 --> 00:05:27,399 or whiskey if she was flush. That was Mum... 49 00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:35,252 Then come about ten o' clock she'd look over where I was sitting and she'd shout 'Come on Del Boy, 50 00:05:35,745 --> 00:05:39,494 get off home to bed - school in the morning!' 51 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,599 That was the kind of woman she was Rodney, concerned about our welfare. 52 00:05:48,717 --> 00:05:49,912 Where was I then? 53 00:05:50,163 --> 00:05:54,038 - Outside in the pram eating an arrowroot. - Wasn't she worried? 54 00:05:55,797 --> 00:06:05,291 No, it was only an old pram... No, it's alright, I'm pulling your leg. 55 00:06:07,086 --> 00:06:14,886 Course she was worried. No. I like it here though, don't you Rodney. 56 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:21,280 Nice and quiet, away from the crowds and the noise and the traffic. 57 00:06:23,448 --> 00:06:26,743 - It really is. It's so quiet. - Yeah. 58 00:06:28,525 --> 00:06:29,959 Tranquil. 59 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:35,146 You're decorating the kitchen of a Chinese take-away tomorrow. 60 00:06:37,323 --> 00:06:39,500 The birds are singing and the sun is shining. 61 00:06:41,812 --> 00:06:42,765 What did you just say? 62 00:06:43,581 --> 00:06:45,303 That the sun is shining and the birds are singing. 63 00:06:45,922 --> 00:06:47,071 No I mean before that. 64 00:06:47,869 --> 00:06:49,735 Everythin's quiet and tranquil! 65 00:06:50,902 --> 00:06:55,366 No Del, in between it being quiet and tranquil and the sun shining and the birds singing 66 00:06:55,852 --> 00:06:57,952 you mentioned something bout a Chinese take-away. 67 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:04,693 Chinese ta...Oh, the Chinese take-away. Well the owner's, see, in dead schtuck. 68 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,788 He's got the health inspectors coming round and he's got to have his kitchen, you know, 69 00:07:08,968 --> 00:07:11,923 painted, you know, brightened up a bit. 70 00:07:12,092 --> 00:07:13,580 So why have I got to paint it? 71 00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:18,692 Well you're the one that's got the GCE in Art. It's a good earner this is Rodney. 72 00:07:19,804 --> 00:07:22,724 - I'm charging him 150 nicker. - I don't care. 73 00:07:23,758 --> 00:07:26,067 Oh come on, I've given him your word now. 74 00:07:26,798 --> 00:07:31,225 Look, I am not painting the kitchen of some grotty Chinese take-away. Alright? 75 00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:46,196 Alright, if that's the way you want it...Yeah, I remember what Mum said to me on her deathbed. 76 00:07:48,704 --> 00:07:55,338 She called me over to her side and she said 'Del Boy...Del Boy. 77 00:07:55,644 --> 00:07:57,071 Stuttered did she...? 78 00:07:59,588 --> 00:08:03,745 Sorry Del...No, really, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said it...Sorry. 79 00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:11,996 'Look after Rodney for me Del Boy' she said, 'Share everything you've got with him, 80 00:08:14,151 --> 00:08:23,428 try to make him feel normal...' And that's what I have done. Half of everything I've got... 81 00:08:25,528 --> 00:08:28,592 I mean, fair enough, I've got nothing, but half of it's yours! 82 00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:36,160 You'd give me half of everything! You'd nick the hole out of me last polo if I didn't keep my mouth shut. 83 00:08:37,771 --> 00:08:39,665 That hurts Rodney...That hurts. 84 00:08:40,317 --> 00:08:42,885 If I had any kind of wealth I'd give half of it to you like a shot. 85 00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:50,862 Yeah? Say you had two Rolls Royces? 86 00:08:52,178 --> 00:08:53,559 Well I'd give one to you wouldn't I. 87 00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:56,009 You'd give me one of your Rolls Royces? 88 00:08:56,292 --> 00:09:00,696 Yeah, course I would. If it was weather like this, I'd give you the one with the sunshine roof. 89 00:09:03,758 --> 00:09:05,899 If you had two million pounds what would you do? 90 00:09:06,293 --> 00:09:08,665 - I'd give you a million wouldn't I. - Really? 91 00:09:09,076 --> 00:09:10,226 In cash. 92 00:09:15,864 --> 00:09:18,581 What would you do if you had two of them deep sea diver's watches? 93 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:27,979 Now you know I've got two of them deep sea diver's watches...Don't take bloody liberties with me Rodney! 94 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:31,682 Yeah, that's the real Del coming out! 95 00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:36,543 Alright, you can have one of me deep sea diver's watches. Alright? 96 00:09:38,152 --> 00:09:41,535 No, no, I've got to draw the line somewhere. 97 00:09:42,025 --> 00:09:45,231 I'm fed up with you and your bribery and your emotional blackmail 98 00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:48,067 every time you want me to do the dirty work! 99 00:09:48,874 --> 00:09:51,986 It's point of principle now Del, you'd better get this straight, 100 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:57,279 I am not painting that kitchen tomorrow, I'm not painting that kitchen in 1,000 years – 101 00:09:57,975 --> 00:09:59,307 no way my son!! 102 00:10:03,276 --> 00:10:05,353 I'll give you a lend of me dirty books. 103 00:10:05,545 --> 00:10:06,938 Yeah, alright then. 104 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,625 Oi, Rodney, put that on the meter will you. 105 00:10:25,674 --> 00:10:28,170 Right, come on, what's that look for? 106 00:10:28,852 --> 00:10:32,345 You can't expect me to paint with me feet Del Boy. 107 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,232 I don't expect you to paint with your feet. 108 00:10:35,429 --> 00:10:38,891 All I expect you to do is sweep up, mix up and hold the ladder for Rembrandt here, alright. 109 00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:55,759 Oi, don't let him out...Well that's going to please Mr Chin innit? 110 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,828 - Was it his pet? - No but number 39's off the menu. 111 00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:11,930 D'you reckon them rumours about these places are true then? 112 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:14,052 No, of course not. 113 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:18,214 Well, that cat looked pretty alarmed about something. 114 00:11:25,014 --> 00:11:27,372 Here we are, nice little kitchen innit? 115 00:11:28,728 --> 00:11:34,598 Nice little kitchen? This is the pits Del Boy. This is the bloody pits. 116 00:11:35,622 --> 00:11:38,664 The whole place looks like an explosion in a dripping factory. 117 00:11:41,036 --> 00:11:43,244 This is a working kitchen Rodney. 118 00:11:43,796 --> 00:11:50,107 You've got to expect a little bit of fat to spill out of the pan every now and then. 119 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:55,462 So what period are we going to decorate it in Del? Early bubonic perhaps? 120 00:11:56,782 --> 00:12:02,059 Yes, if you like, look, don't worry about it, you've had all your inoculations haven't you? Come on. 121 00:12:02,249 --> 00:12:03,666 Is this the kitchen? 122 00:12:04,812 --> 00:12:09,707 No, this is the master bedroom, the kitchen's upstairs in the bathroom you wally. 123 00:12:10,421 --> 00:12:12,503 Now, listen you two, you should be out of here in a couple of days 124 00:12:12,659 --> 00:12:15,515 if you don't do anything stupid like stopping for lunch. 125 00:12:16,307 --> 00:12:22,336 Oi, Rodney, come here, down here, look at this. This is yer paint - right, there's yer walls, 126 00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:26,454 there's yer ceiling - and now I'll leave it all up to you Michelangelo. 127 00:12:27,917 --> 00:12:35,392 Oh yeah, and just what am I supposed to do with them soppy little tins - look I can't even dip me brush in 'em. 128 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:43,907 He can't even get his brush in 'em. He can't even work that little problem out. Tell him how to do it Grandad. 129 00:12:44,219 --> 00:12:46,337 Get a pair of scissors and trim your brush. 130 00:12:50,913 --> 00:12:55,718 You don't get a pair of scissors and trim yer brush up. 131 00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:02,671 Look what you do is get yer little tins open them up and you put them into your big tin. 132 00:13:03,963 --> 00:13:07,942 Oh yeah I'd thought of doing that already... 133 00:13:13,614 --> 00:13:17,216 They've got no labels on them, we don't even know what colour they are. 134 00:13:17,503 --> 00:13:20,753 I know, the owner bought them cheap, he got well taken on, it's a load of rubbish. 135 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:23,011 You can say that again. Where'd he get 'em from? 136 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:24,721 Me. 137 00:13:25,565 --> 00:13:29,031 You? Is this nicked Del? I'm not doing it if they're nicked! 138 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:34,574 It's not nicked. It's bankrupt stock. 139 00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:40,120 I bought a couple of gross as a job-lot. Trust me, will you, trust me. 140 00:13:41,596 --> 00:13:45,344 - Good morning. - Ah, good morning Mr Chin... 141 00:13:47,291 --> 00:13:51,396 Well my men are here as promised – they are the best in the business. 142 00:13:53,518 --> 00:13:56,952 The creme da lamenthe of the painting and decorating world. 143 00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,051 Good. You are the painter? 144 00:14:00,525 --> 00:14:04,000 No, no, no, he's the painter. I'm his apprentice. 145 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:12,332 No, they're the best, the very best. Don't worry about it Mr Chin - in fact, chin up. 146 00:14:23,139 --> 00:14:26,011 Have you decided what colour the walls will be? 147 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:27,909 Colour... 148 00:14:28,216 --> 00:14:34,888 Yes, I mean, you don't leave an important decision like that until the last minute. 149 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,965 - Get that lid off. - I'm trying. 150 00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:43,033 Well, Mr Chin, the colour that I thought of - now you may not agree with me, 151 00:14:43,269 --> 00:14:45,611 but somehow I think you will. 152 00:14:47,318 --> 00:14:54,471 What I thought, and you can shoot me down in flames on this one if you like...got it off yet? 153 00:14:54,772 --> 00:14:55,629 - No. 154 00:14:55,873 --> 00:14:59,821 -I thought the coulour of these walls should be... - Blue. 155 00:15:00,378 --> 00:15:04,009 - What? - I like blue! 156 00:15:04,206 --> 00:15:09,410 Blue, oh blue, Jeux Sans Frontieres, that's exactly what I thought of. 157 00:15:09,682 --> 00:15:14,157 I thought, why don't we paint these walls a nice subtle shade of blue. 158 00:15:14,550 --> 00:15:15,882 - What shade of blue? - Yellow. 159 00:15:16,118 --> 00:15:19,933 And then I changed my mind. I thought no not blue... 160 00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:22,745 What I thought we do, is we would pain them gold. 161 00:15:23,042 --> 00:15:23,815 That is yellow. 162 00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:27,653 This is gold Rodney, what's the matter with you, are you illiterate or something? 163 00:15:28,987 --> 00:15:34,130 I remembered the name of your beautiful restaurant 'Gold for the Golden Locust'. 164 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,433 Well Mr Trotter, I'll leave it to you. 165 00:15:38,014 --> 00:15:43,106 As long as my kitchen is painted and cleaned up before the health inspector call. Alright? 166 00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:44,266 Fine. 167 00:15:44,445 --> 00:15:50,055 Sorry, how do you know the health inspector's calling? I didn't think they warned you or nothing! 168 00:15:50,345 --> 00:16:00,619 Oh I had a telephone call from a man, he did not give his name, but he tell me, 169 00:16:01,306 --> 00:16:05,688 'Get you kitchen painted or you be in big trouble. John.' 170 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,419 John? 171 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:14,074 John, yeah - John. John, you know, John, it's the expression, cockney expression. 172 00:16:14,243 --> 00:16:17,072 Alright John and all that. Somebody up there must like him, eh? 173 00:16:17,829 --> 00:16:20,729 I wonder who that anonymous call could have been Del? 174 00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:24,516 Well, I don't know. Don't think we're ever going to find that one out are we Rodney, eh? 175 00:16:24,742 --> 00:16:31,829 Well, come on now, we must now say chow mein and let our men get on with their work. Eh, Mr Chin? 176 00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:34,663 D'you think this anonymous person 177 00:16:34,822 --> 00:16:39,496 is likely to ring up any other Chinese Restaurants and tell 'em to get their kitchens painted? 178 00:16:39,773 --> 00:16:43,032 Well I had to do something, didn't I? Otherwise we would have been lumbered with all this paint. 179 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:46,843 Right, now listen. I'm going to take these boxes with me, right, 180 00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:53,014 so Rodney you'll have to water that lot down a bit, you don't want it too thick do you 181 00:16:53,441 --> 00:16:55,322 'cause the plaster's none too kosher. 182 00:16:55,483 --> 00:16:59,893 Just remember, a little dab'll do you, right, a little dab'll do you! 183 00:17:01,013 --> 00:17:05,269 Here, what about all this grease and filth Del Boy. You arranged for anyone to clean it up? 184 00:17:06,043 --> 00:17:08,365 Of course I have, what do you think I am a cowboy or something? 185 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:15,322 There's a tin of Ajax and a rubber glove in that bucket - go easy on the Ajax. See yer! 186 00:17:22,353 --> 00:17:23,443 He's not in. 187 00:17:23,611 --> 00:17:24,893 P'rhaps he's gone out! 188 00:17:25,396 --> 00:17:31,598 Oh yeah, I never thought of that. You daft old... of course he's gone out, the question is where? 189 00:17:32,642 --> 00:17:36,023 This is the second day on the trot that Del's done a complete disappearing act, 190 00:17:36,882 --> 00:17:40,625 but when I ask him where he's gone, he always acts sort of evasive. 191 00:17:41,163 --> 00:17:43,744 I thought he told you to mind your own bloody business. 192 00:17:44,977 --> 00:17:46,468 Yeah, that's what I mean, evasive. 193 00:17:47,854 --> 00:17:52,433 You know what, I reckon that while I have been imprisoned in that Chinese take-away, 194 00:17:52,828 --> 00:17:57,994 he's been out wheeling and dealing on the quiet - making a few bob and cutting us out... 195 00:17:59,722 --> 00:18:00,816 Oh you're in. 196 00:18:01,557 --> 00:18:06,723 You can't pull the wool over this boy's eyes can you, eh Grandad? Yes I am in Rodney... 197 00:18:07,422 --> 00:18:10,044 Seven out of ten for observation.. Did you finish that job? 198 00:18:10,411 --> 00:18:11,708 Yeah, about half an hour back. 199 00:18:11,869 --> 00:18:17,434 Good, give us the money then, give us the mazoola. Thank you. 200 00:18:18,938 --> 00:18:20,611 One hundred and fifty pounds - spot on. Well done. 201 00:18:22,981 --> 00:18:25,331 We phoned you to come and pick us up but you weren't in. 202 00:18:27,135 --> 00:18:29,310 - What have you been up to Del? - Oh bits and pieces. 203 00:18:30,575 --> 00:18:32,033 - Where have you been? - There and back. 204 00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:35,734 - So what you been doing? - This and that. 205 00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,084 Long as I know. 206 00:18:39,943 --> 00:18:42,361 I thought you'd winkle it out of him in the end. 207 00:18:44,404 --> 00:18:47,656 Listen Rodney I been doing something...private... 208 00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:50,510 Alright so let's just leave it at that. Okay? 209 00:18:51,978 --> 00:18:56,350 I think the best thing to do with this money is to split it three way. 210 00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:01,798 - Here you are Grandad - that's 35 for you. - Oh cheers Del Boy. 211 00:19:01,988 --> 00:19:04,089 - 40 for you Rodney. - 40! 212 00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:06,218 Yeah, well, you're the craftsman aren't you? 213 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:09,115 - You get the most 'cos you're experienced. - Yeah but over there you said... 214 00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:17,059 Hang about, hang about. And you also get your diver's watch. There you are. 215 00:19:18,036 --> 00:19:20,298 Hello, somebody at the front door. Grandad go and see who that is will you. 216 00:19:20,599 --> 00:19:22,633 Oh, my legs are older than yours. 217 00:19:22,887 --> 00:19:25,186 I know, that means they've had more experience haven't they? 218 00:19:29,093 --> 00:19:31,858 - D'you like it then? - Yeah, cheers. 219 00:19:32,053 --> 00:19:33,840 Good. Oh, the bloke said don't get it in the water. 220 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,980 Don't get it in the water? But it's a deep sea diver's watch. 221 00:19:39,567 --> 00:19:43,480 I know that, but it doesn't mean to say you've got to go deep sea diving in it does it? 222 00:19:44,014 --> 00:19:47,161 I mean, I've got a pair of them desert boots but you don't catch me in the Sahara. 223 00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:50,966 Look, it tells you how deep you are and everything. 224 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,684 It's Trigger for you, Del. 225 00:19:52,937 --> 00:19:55,683 - Oh yeah, hello Trig. - Alright Del Boy? Hello Dave. 226 00:19:56,257 --> 00:19:59,007 - What's up with you then Trig? - I got some more of that paint, interested? 227 00:19:59,412 --> 00:20:06,270 Oh yeah. Yeah, I'll have some of that. Yeah, what is it - same price or lower? 228 00:20:06,462 --> 00:20:07,489 Same. 229 00:20:07,781 --> 00:20:10,348 Oi Rodney, don't bang that watch, it ain't shock proof. 230 00:20:12,247 --> 00:20:13,804 I won't be getting any more of this for a while. 231 00:20:14,105 --> 00:20:16,679 I'm laying low for a spell, we almost got caught the other night. 232 00:20:20,692 --> 00:20:22,710 What do you mean almost got caught? 233 00:20:22,962 --> 00:20:24,265 Yeah, by the railway police. 234 00:20:24,855 --> 00:20:29,716 See me and Monkey Harris get this paint from a storage shed down in Clapham Junction. 235 00:20:31,956 --> 00:20:35,872 You swore to me it wasn't nicked! Bankrupt stock you said! 236 00:20:36,497 --> 00:20:37,891 British Rail, same thing innit? 237 00:20:40,202 --> 00:20:41,814 Knocked off railway paint, eh? 238 00:20:42,399 --> 00:20:47,716 Well I bet Mr Chin's going to be well pleased when he finds he's had his whole kitchen done out in Inter-City yellow. 239 00:20:48,824 --> 00:20:50,209 I prefer to call it Awayday Gold. 240 00:20:52,035 --> 00:20:54,641 I wondered where I'd seen that colour before. 241 00:20:55,011 --> 00:21:00,678 All day long I was whistling 'This is the Age of the Train' and I couldn't think why. 242 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:08,006 No, this ain't the stuff they paint trains with. They use this for painting signs in tunnels. 243 00:21:08,239 --> 00:21:12,772 It doesn't matter what they use it for Trig, it's still knocked off - and it's still illegal. 244 00:21:14,257 --> 00:21:16,177 Yeah, but it's good for the country though Rodney, innit? 245 00:21:16,656 --> 00:21:19,904 Come on Del, how can knicking off British Rail be good for Britain? 246 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,510 He amazes me you know Trig, he's got a GCE in Maths, and he still acts like a total wally-brain. 247 00:21:28,001 --> 00:21:29,812 I'll tell you why this is good for the country, shall I Rodney? 248 00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:35,071 'Cos British Rail have to hire more security guards to protect this paint 249 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,074 thus lowering the unemployment figures 250 00:21:38,737 --> 00:21:44,361 plus, their insurance company will need more people to handle British Rail claims 251 00:21:44,558 --> 00:21:52,258 that means redundant insurance clerks will be snatched from the dole queues and handed back their dignity. Right? 252 00:21:53,541 --> 00:21:56,633 Now these people may very well celebrate their good fortune 253 00:21:56,821 --> 00:22:01,627 by buying a car and taking their wife and kids on a touring holiday round Britain. 254 00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:06,388 This will result in a much needed boost to our ailing car industry, 255 00:22:07,214 --> 00:22:13,154 higher revenue for North Sea Oil and a vital cash injection into seaside resorts and depressed areas. 256 00:22:13,693 --> 00:22:18,679 On the other hand. they may decide to take a holiday abroad, right, 257 00:22:19,318 --> 00:22:25,296 thus forcing foreign hoteliers, restaurateurs and bar owners to buy more British beer, food and goods. 258 00:22:26,002 --> 00:22:29,268 This will result in higher export drive which, in turn, 259 00:22:29,429 --> 00:22:31,748 will be very good for our balance of payments surplus! 260 00:22:31,933 --> 00:22:37,488 Soon this country will be rich and famous again - the starving shall be fed - the homeless will be homed. 261 00:22:46,444 --> 00:22:48,034 This watch is broke! 262 00:22:50,862 --> 00:22:55,476 This watch is not broke, it's just that you don't know how to work it properly. 263 00:22:55,648 --> 00:22:58,437 Look, see it tells you the time in all the major capital cities of the world. 264 00:22:58,692 --> 00:23:00,513 Yeah look, everyone except London. 265 00:23:01,557 --> 00:23:07,758 Look all I can tell by this is that it's nearly chucking out time in Peking and I'm low on oxygen. 266 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,397 What do you want for nothing? Jam on it? 267 00:23:14,071 --> 00:23:16,185 - Tunnels. - What did you say? 268 00:23:16,566 --> 00:23:17,684 No, he said that. 269 00:23:18,173 --> 00:23:25,983 Trigger said tunnels! He said they use that stuff to paint signs in tunnels. Well how can you see a sign in a tunnel? 270 00:23:26,483 --> 00:23:27,712 It's pitch black innit? 271 00:23:28,037 --> 00:23:29,643 Na - this is luminous paint. 272 00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:37,687 It's luminous paint Grandad, that means you see it in the dark...Luminous? Bloody luminous?? 273 00:23:38,175 --> 00:23:39,056 I thought you knew Del Boy. 274 00:23:39,231 --> 00:23:42,568 What do you mean you thought I knew, you didn't tell me. What do you think I am, a physic or something? 275 00:23:42,747 --> 00:23:44,071 D'you still want this box of paint? 276 00:23:44,236 --> 00:23:45,940 Want it? No I don't want it - you can stick it up... 277 00:23:48,068 --> 00:23:49,481 I'm not in Grandad. 278 00:23:51,284 --> 00:24:02,062 Hello...Oh hello Mr Chin. No, no Del's gone out...I'm not sure. 279 00:24:02,381 --> 00:24:04,054 Where you gone to Del? 280 00:24:09,620 --> 00:24:13,541 Give it to me you stupid old git. Now sit down before I knock you down. 281 00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,318 Hello Mr Chin. How are you? 282 00:24:20,005 --> 00:24:27,142 Don't you 'Hello Mr Chin' me. What have you done to my walls?? 283 00:24:33,925 --> 00:24:41,533 Glowing are they? Now listen tell 'em not to be frightened 'cos this is a new energy saving paint. 284 00:24:42,472 --> 00:24:47,516 Yes, it's designed to cut down on the old electricity bills...I get it from a contact in...er... 285 00:24:47,744 --> 00:24:48,489 Stockholm. 286 00:24:48,717 --> 00:24:50,270 Yes - Stockholm. Stockholm?! 287 00:24:50,665 --> 00:24:56,088 'Cos, you see, the Norwegians they lead the world in paint technology...Yes... 288 00:24:57,498 --> 00:25:02,356 Yes, I understand, I'll be round to see you first thing in the morning! 289 00:25:04,746 --> 00:25:06,506 Does he want his money back? 290 00:25:07,902 --> 00:25:10,624 No, he wants you to go round tomorrow and do his living room out in it... 291 00:25:12,526 --> 00:25:14,010 I'll have that other box of paint off you... 292 00:25:14,168 --> 00:25:15,231 Oh my God! 293 00:25:15,555 --> 00:25:16,839 Something wrong Del? 294 00:25:17,139 --> 00:25:22,482 Oh what have I done? It's all your fault. 295 00:25:23,580 --> 00:25:26,291 It's your fault, you and your stupid paint. 296 00:25:26,537 --> 00:25:27,618 Oi, what have you done? 297 00:25:27,821 --> 00:25:31,898 Now, listen Rodney. Listen, you've got to understand right. That I did it in good faith. 298 00:25:32,098 --> 00:25:33,738 Did what in good faith? 299 00:25:35,385 --> 00:25:36,488 I'll show you. 300 00:25:42,646 --> 00:25:44,295 Come on you better get your coats. 301 00:25:56,401 --> 00:25:58,162 Del, what you brought us here for? 302 00:25:58,327 --> 00:25:59,406 Wait a minute. 303 00:26:11,326 --> 00:26:12,882 Take a look at that. 304 00:26:17,788 --> 00:26:19,472 Oh my good Gawd. 305 00:26:24,065 --> 00:26:28,523 Is this where you've been for the past couple of days, painting Mum's monument?? 306 00:26:29,322 --> 00:26:32,512 It was her favourite colour and we both agreed it needed brightening up. 307 00:26:33,214 --> 00:26:36,051 Brightening?? That's more like a rocket launch! 308 00:26:37,694 --> 00:26:40,257 Well I didn't know it was going to be luminous did I? 309 00:26:40,949 --> 00:26:47,480 D'you realise our mum's grave is now going to become a beacon for every Satanist and acid-head in England. 310 00:26:48,291 --> 00:26:51,343 There's going to be white witches dancing round that on a full Moon – 311 00:26:52,024 --> 00:26:53,738 there's going to be chicken blood everywhere! 312 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:58,897 What worries me is it's on the main flight path to Heathrow! 313 00:27:03,832 --> 00:27:09,208 I wish you two could see yourselves. There's Mum and her monument - she's fast asleep - 314 00:27:09,407 --> 00:27:12,438 the third coat hardly dry and already you're quivering in your shoes! 315 00:27:13,459 --> 00:27:16,217 Well, I'll tell you this much, I don't regret that I did it. 316 00:27:16,932 --> 00:27:21,568 I will not bow my head to any snotty-nosed town hall clerks at their narrowminded rules. 317 00:27:22,258 --> 00:27:26,160 I shall look them straight in the face and I'll say 'I am the man responsible – 318 00:27:26,389 --> 00:27:27,624 and I'm proud of it'. 319 00:27:34,571 --> 00:27:39,360 We'll put it down to vandals - let's get out of here before we get our collars felt. 320 00:27:43,919 --> 00:27:46,791 Subtitles by NVL