1 00:00:45,973 --> 00:00:48,790 - Poxy weather! - Yeah. 2 00:00:50,737 --> 00:00:52,671 Wish I was chairman of Pac-a-Mac! 3 00:00:57,326 --> 00:01:02,113 Hmm! Oh, by the way, a Father's Day card arrived for you this morning. 4 00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:10,093 Is it Father's Day? It's a pity we don't know where Dad's living - we could send him a letter bomb! 5 00:01:12,058 --> 00:01:14,821 Er, Father's Day card? Hang about I'm not married! 6 00:01:16,246 --> 00:01:18,234 Oh no! I wonder what that could mean then? 7 00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:24,828 Well, I know what it could mean...it means! Oh no, no, no, she told me - she definitely... 8 00:01:26,117 --> 00:01:32,891 You dozy little git! You nearly gave my heart a connery then. Cor dear. 9 00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:35,596 Well, I just wanted to liven us up a bit didn't I. 10 00:01:35,818 --> 00:01:39,009 I mean, for the past four days we've been hanging around in pubs and cafes 11 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:43,711 waiting for this rain to leave off. 'It's just a summer shower Rodney' you said. 12 00:01:44,697 --> 00:01:49,086 'Red sky at night and swallows flying backwards, that's a sure sign of a heat wave Rodney' you said. 13 00:01:49,263 --> 00:01:53,265 Alright - alright, don't go on about it! Where d'you think I work, the metaphorical office or somewhere? 14 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:58,017 No, it'll soon be over. Don't worry. Who's that on there? You is it? 15 00:01:58,175 --> 00:01:59,254 No it's you. 16 00:01:59,951 --> 00:02:03,148 - Anyway, what d'you want to drink? - I'd better have just 'alf a lager. 17 00:02:03,630 --> 00:02:06,933 Yeah, well, the way business has been going this week I think I'd better join you. 18 00:02:11,593 --> 00:02:14,006 - Hello - how's it going Alex? - Hello Del. Want a drink? 19 00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:18,815 Oh well, go on then, I'll, um, have half a lager. 20 00:02:19,053 --> 00:02:19,948 Half a lager. 21 00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:23,916 Yeah, and I'll have a large Drambuie with lime - with er - topped up with soda, lots of ice, 22 00:02:24,196 --> 00:02:25,858 slice of lemon and a little cherry on the top. 23 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,536 Two halves of lager, luv. Done much today? 24 00:02:31,896 --> 00:02:35,154 What in this weather, you must be joking. I wouldn't send a dog out in this, would you? 25 00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:40,582 No, I'll send Rodney out later on. See what he can do. What are you doing? 26 00:02:40,754 --> 00:02:41,942 Have you still got that travel agent's? 27 00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:45,976 Yeah, it's not doing me no favours though! I thought I'd clean up on that World Cup 28 00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,491 but I couldn't get no bookings. 29 00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:52,214 Honest Del, I've got thousands of pounds worth of holidays just laying about. But everybody's skint. 30 00:02:52,355 --> 00:02:54,175 I tell you, this recession's going to be the end of me! 31 00:02:54,412 --> 00:02:56,812 Well you want to cut down on your prices then don't you, Alex, me old mate. 32 00:02:57,063 --> 00:02:58,098 I'd lose money! 33 00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:00,489 No way - you'd have some coming in wouldn't you? 34 00:03:00,654 --> 00:03:03,374 I mean, I'd rather lose a thre'penny bit than a fiver, wouldn't you? 35 00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:04,629 Well that's true, yeah. 36 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:08,281 I mean, listen, I don't care what the papers say, there's still plenty money about. 37 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,505 You know - if you know where to get it. 38 00:03:09,694 --> 00:03:12,019 I mean, you want to find some way of hooking the punters. 39 00:03:12,204 --> 00:03:14,608 You know, you - you want - you know, a bit of a gimmick. 40 00:03:15,344 --> 00:03:15,867 Such as? 41 00:03:16,473 --> 00:03:21,269 Ah? Well. You put it round the manor, right, that the very next customer in your shop 42 00:03:21,446 --> 00:03:24,903 is going to get the biggest cutprice 'oliday in the history of travel. 43 00:03:25,141 --> 00:03:27,557 No - no - listen and I mean really cheap Alex right. 44 00:03:27,711 --> 00:03:31,344 I mean something like anywhere in the world and you'll knock off 80 per cent of the price. 45 00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:32,939 80 per cent, leave off. 46 00:03:33,097 --> 00:03:38,206 Eh, no 80 per cent, now listen - listen. But only to the very next customer right. 47 00:03:38,863 --> 00:03:41,243 So that they'll be doing see - they'll be fighting each other to get in your shop. 48 00:03:41,432 --> 00:03:45,973 Now once they're in there you sell the rest of them their holidays at the - the normal price don't you. 49 00:03:46,321 --> 00:03:48,761 Eh? This time next year you'll be a millionaire. 50 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:53,892 D'you know that's not a bad idea Del. Come to think of it, it's a belting idea! 51 00:03:54,081 --> 00:03:56,158 I tell you that's what I'm gonna do, exactly what you told me. 52 00:03:56,328 --> 00:03:57,294 Thanks for the advice, mate. 53 00:03:57,482 --> 00:03:59,222 That's alright, don't mention it pal. I'll see yer around alright? 54 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,356 Right. 55 00:04:02,525 --> 00:04:07,380 - Fancy an 'oliday? - We can't afford an 'oliday. 56 00:04:07,549 --> 00:04:11,058 Yes we can. Alex, special offer, anywhere in the world - 80 per cent off. 57 00:04:13,174 --> 00:04:14,076 He'll go bust! 58 00:04:14,265 --> 00:04:17,307 Yeah I know he will - I know - that's what I told him but he wouldn't listen, you know what he's like... 59 00:04:17,934 --> 00:04:22,332 Ah, what about it then Rodney, eh? Me and you, eh? What up into the wide blue yonder. 60 00:04:22,583 --> 00:04:24,724 Yeah, get a bit of the currant bun on our backs, eh? 61 00:04:24,925 --> 00:04:26,345 Oh yeah, I'll have some of that Del, yeah! 62 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:31,526 You go down the road and knock out a bit of that gear and I'll do the old bizzo with Alex. Right? 63 00:04:31,683 --> 00:04:32,837 Yeah right! 64 00:04:40,163 --> 00:04:41,959 Oi, wait a minute! It's peeing down out there! 65 00:04:43,256 --> 00:04:47,127 Yeah well - you want some spending money for yer duty frees don't yer? 66 00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:51,625 Well yeah, oh I'm never gonna be able to sell this stuff. 67 00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:56,520 Of course you are my son. Remember me motto. He who dares wins! 68 00:04:58,704 --> 00:05:00,325 Yeah right! See you later. 69 00:05:00,481 --> 00:05:03,656 See you later good boy. Here, Alex. Abut that offer! 70 00:05:05,694 --> 00:05:09,002 Genuine Italian sun hats. Made in Roma! 71 00:05:13,597 --> 00:05:16,590 - I could die you know! - More than likely! 72 00:05:18,530 --> 00:05:21,075 I mean, fancy sending me out in weather like that. 73 00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:22,574 Been raining has it? 74 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:27,641 Been raining? Why don't you stick your nose out of that door once every so often, eh? 75 00:05:28,332 --> 00:05:30,064 It's been raining non-stop for four days! 76 00:05:33,112 --> 00:05:38,622 I've done it Rodney - done it. I've booked our holiday. Here you are, my boy. 77 00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:40,314 That's it - there it is all in there. 78 00:05:40,596 --> 00:05:43,212 We're going somewhere different, we are away from the tourists. 79 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,283 Yeah - where? 80 00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:50,036 Benidorm! It'll be fantastic Rodney, we'll have a great time won't we - eh? 81 00:05:50,195 --> 00:05:58,658 All that blue sea, the sunshine, dancing with all them foreign sorts! You know Viva Espania. 82 00:05:58,874 --> 00:05:59,979 Yeah! That's what it's all about innit? 83 00:06:00,156 --> 00:06:01,940 When do we go Del? 84 00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:07,504 Eh? Er, in three weeks' time Grandad. It's goodbye Luton airport, hello Benidorm... 85 00:06:15,165 --> 00:06:18,045 Um, yeah, well the thing is Grandad... 86 00:06:18,193 --> 00:06:21,608 I've always wanted to go to Benidorm. Where is it? 87 00:06:23,353 --> 00:06:24,487 It's in Spain, ain't it. 88 00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:27,930 Spain? I've been to Spain before! 89 00:06:28,874 --> 00:06:32,730 Oh, oh, well you wouldn't wanna go again then, would you, it'll be the same old thing! 90 00:06:33,090 --> 00:06:36,338 I ain't never been to Benidorm! It'll make a nice break. 91 00:06:36,768 --> 00:06:41,168 Yeah! Yeah, the thing is Grandad – I tell you what, um, er, well look, 92 00:06:41,321 --> 00:06:44,099 why don't you go out in the kitchen, you know, and knock us up a nice Spanish omelette – 93 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:45,825 you know, help us get in the mood. 94 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:56,756 Oh! I've only got three eggs left and one of them's on the turn. Still, if I put a lot of pepper in. 95 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,063 Great - triffic. 96 00:07:03,238 --> 00:07:04,525 Are you gonna tell him? 97 00:07:04,696 --> 00:07:08,441 Oh Rodney, how can I tell him, look at him, he's got his heart set on it ain't he? 98 00:07:08,647 --> 00:07:11,925 We can't take him with us Del, he'll cramp our style won't he? 99 00:07:12,195 --> 00:07:14,326 I mean you could bring a bird back to the room, 100 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:18,818 go to pour her a Sangria or something and find his false teeth in the glass. 101 00:07:20,417 --> 00:07:25,320 Yeah, that would upset the romantic ambience somewhat, wouldn't it? Well, what we gonna tell him then? 102 00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:28,814 Er, say the food won't agree with him! 103 00:07:29,163 --> 00:07:32,266 No that won't work, you know him, he's got a stomach like a rubbish skip! 104 00:07:34,195 --> 00:07:35,678 Er, the change of climate! 105 00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:41,181 Now the last holiday we had the change of climate upset him didn't it and we'd only gone to Bangor! 106 00:07:42,231 --> 00:07:50,202 Good one! Like it. No, I can't Rodney. No look it's gonna break his heart. 107 00:07:50,411 --> 00:07:52,671 Alright, Del, well if you can't tell him, then I will! 108 00:07:53,325 --> 00:07:55,691 Alright. Just a minute - just now. 109 00:07:56,066 --> 00:08:00,244 If you're going to tell him now, do it gently will you. You know - I mean - he's family. 110 00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:04,867 - You just - just leave it to me Del. - Alright, good boy Rodney. 111 00:08:06,478 --> 00:08:08,627 Er, Grandad, could I have a word? 112 00:08:14,796 --> 00:08:18,912 Oh Alex? Hello it's Del Boy. Look about that holiday I booked with you this morning? 113 00:08:19,216 --> 00:08:22,865 Yeah - listen - um, d'you reckon the hotel could put another bed in our room? 114 00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:27,112 Only Grandad's coming. Oh nice one Alex. 115 00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:32,687 Right, yeah I'll pop that kite round to you in the morning. Alright, see you around pal. 116 00:08:47,572 --> 00:08:48,649 Well? 117 00:08:50,348 --> 00:08:53,013 Oh, look, couldn't the hotel put another bed in our room? 118 00:08:53,727 --> 00:08:56,934 Eh no, Del, I couldn't have told him, it'd broken his heart! 119 00:08:57,118 --> 00:08:59,921 You're just like the man at the top you are ain't yer, you're utterly ruthless! 120 00:09:00,348 --> 00:09:02,087 - I can be when I want to! - Oh yeah. 121 00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:05,350 I can - I've just this minute told Grandad I don't like Spanish omelettes! 122 00:09:05,538 --> 00:09:09,057 Oh yeah - I mean - that's really being ruthless that is innit, eh? 123 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,742 I also told him that you love 'em, so you've got two! 124 00:09:15,882 --> 00:09:16,953 You... 125 00:09:20,844 --> 00:09:23,219 Careful Del, there's a bowl down there... 126 00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:40,584 Now then what do you want... 127 00:10:41,114 --> 00:10:42,552 Oh God! 128 00:10:49,027 --> 00:10:52,854 - 'Ere, hang about. Oi girls. - Wendy it's alright he's asleep. 129 00:10:53,073 --> 00:10:54,787 Now come on, listen... 130 00:11:01,904 --> 00:11:03,507 'Ey, watch it. 131 00:11:05,427 --> 00:11:06,611 There you go Del. 132 00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:16,323 Oh, cheers, this is the life, eh Rodders? When we become millionaires we'll move out - get a villa... 133 00:11:17,263 --> 00:11:20,353 Get Grandad one of them little old folks' homes that they have out here. 134 00:11:21,585 --> 00:11:23,317 What old folks homes they have out here? 135 00:11:23,702 --> 00:11:28,656 You know, we saw 'em in the holiday brochure. What d'they call 'em? Pensions! 136 00:11:32,612 --> 00:11:37,796 Grandad I got yer lager! Grandad! 137 00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:52,465 Yoohoo. Grandad, Rodney has a lager! 138 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:58,691 You oughta act yer age a bit more. That could have blinded me! 139 00:12:01,092 --> 00:12:02,244 Come here. 140 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:07,523 I don't want nuffink to drink. I'm going back to the hotel to have a fiesta. 141 00:12:12,879 --> 00:12:17,478 Hey, d'you reckon he's alright? He's been acting all edgy and nervous ever since we got here. 142 00:12:18,675 --> 00:12:23,022 Maybe it's all that squid he ate... The grub in the hotel ain't up to much is it, eh? 143 00:12:23,198 --> 00:12:26,452 Oh you can say that again! Here about that soup last night! 144 00:12:27,289 --> 00:12:31,286 Called it oxtail - it's more like foxtail weren't it, eh? 145 00:12:33,676 --> 00:12:35,698 You don't reckon he's sickening for anything do you? 146 00:12:35,871 --> 00:12:40,497 No! It's probably just the heat, he's not as young as he used to be is he. 147 00:12:40,789 --> 00:12:43,680 'Ere Rodney, put some of that oil on me back will you. 148 00:12:49,927 --> 00:12:52,644 Oh Del I'm sorry. Sorry I thought it was oil. 149 00:12:59,984 --> 00:13:02,792 Childish that. Probably marked now, is it? 150 00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:04,661 You don’t 'alf go on don't yer? 151 00:13:04,838 --> 00:13:08,610 I said I'm sorry! Look, I'll go up to the room and get you a fresh shirt. Alright? 152 00:13:08,774 --> 00:13:10,960 Yeah, why don't you do that small thing Rodney, alright. 153 00:13:34,307 --> 00:13:35,404 Bon soir. 154 00:13:35,608 --> 00:13:38,093 Oh bonjour M'sieur. Vous restez a l'hotel? 155 00:13:40,173 --> 00:13:45,586 Defense de fumier! Avez vous Dubonnet? 156 00:13:46,188 --> 00:13:47,284 Oui, oiu, merci... 157 00:13:48,217 --> 00:13:53,021 Garcon, dos Dubonnet pore favore. Danke schon. 158 00:13:55,203 --> 00:13:57,379 De quelle partie de la France etes-vous? 159 00:13:58,967 --> 00:14:04,968 Oui! Er, je t'aime, je t'adore? Sur le pont d'Avignon! 160 00:14:06,017 --> 00:14:07,364 Pardon M'sieur! 161 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,399 - Hey Jackie! - Hi! 162 00:14:15,699 --> 00:14:16,780 Join me for a drink? 163 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,517 Oh, I'd love to but I think I got stuck with that little French feller over there. 164 00:14:23,689 --> 00:14:25,237 I wouldn't worry about him. 165 00:14:26,334 --> 00:14:29,635 Pull up a pew - he won't bother you with me around. 166 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,680 Je suis frontieres. 167 00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:48,260 Thank you waiter! 168 00:14:50,594 --> 00:14:52,545 I hope he doesn't kick sand in my face. 169 00:15:13,197 --> 00:15:15,490 Shut up! What's up with you? I was just about to pull a French sort. 170 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,129 Look you've got to come with me now. Come on. 171 00:15:17,314 --> 00:15:19,126 - What's the matter? - It's Grandad! 172 00:15:19,547 --> 00:15:21,634 Grandad? He's ill ain't he? 173 00:15:21,794 --> 00:15:24,505 I told you there was something the matter with him but you wouldn't listen to me would you. 174 00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:25,985 - He's not ill! - Well what's up with him then? 175 00:15:26,155 --> 00:15:28,875 - He's been arrested! - Arrested! 176 00:15:29,438 --> 00:15:30,861 Well come on! 177 00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:52,792 Veesitors! 178 00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:56,817 Huh, it's you two! 179 00:15:57,673 --> 00:16:04,006 Yeah, good afternoon Grandad, how are you? Settled in alright? 180 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:09,987 Quo vadis senor. 181 00:16:13,252 --> 00:16:15,008 You know, quo vadis! 182 00:16:18,253 --> 00:16:20,253 Took yer time getting here didn't yer? 183 00:16:20,491 --> 00:16:23,155 Now don't you start getting stroppy with me you ungrateful old git! 184 00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:24,380 I've been running round this town – 185 00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:27,094 I've been running about here like a tit in a trance looking for you! 186 00:16:28,436 --> 00:16:30,629 I went to the police station, they knew you'd been arrested 187 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,373 - but they couldn't remember what they'd done with you! 188 00:16:33,698 --> 00:16:37,218 Yeah. And for the last four hours I've been phoning round trying to get hold of a consul! 189 00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:43,125 Oh charming! So while I'm banged up in here Rodney's out trying to hire a car! 190 00:16:45,417 --> 00:16:49,121 Not that sort of consul, you daft old git. I mean the British consulate! 191 00:16:49,304 --> 00:16:51,171 Well why didn't you bring him then with you? 192 00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,608 Well why did you get yourself arrested? 193 00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:55,883 Sssh! Keep your voice down. You'll get him chucked out of here! 194 00:17:00,464 --> 00:17:10,320 Just - just keep calm will you, everybody please. Just nice and calm and easy. Right, what happened? 195 00:17:10,892 --> 00:17:15,870 Nothing! I was just crossing the road to the hotel, when this police car squinched up to me 196 00:17:16,027 --> 00:17:22,626 nearly running me over - next thing I knew I was banged up in here! They ain't even charged me with nuffing! 197 00:17:22,882 --> 00:17:25,219 No - no - look you must have done something Grandad! 198 00:17:25,693 --> 00:17:29,727 You went back to the hotel for a little kip right, 'alf hour later you're doing porridge! 199 00:17:29,914 --> 00:17:32,930 Now think hard Grandad. Have you done anything remotely out of order? 200 00:17:33,494 --> 00:17:37,415 I mean, did you get drunk and disorderly. Did you have a punch up with the Kuwaiti supporters' club. 201 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,827 Did you goose the maid? 202 00:17:40,344 --> 00:17:47,607 No! Well...there was a little incident Del. It didn't happen today though! 203 00:17:47,869 --> 00:17:50,418 Now we're getting somewhere. Alright, come on. Tell me when did it happen? 204 00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:53,425 1936! 205 00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:58,675 You know for a moment there I thought you said 1936! 206 00:17:59,066 --> 00:18:00,588 That's funny that but so did I! 207 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:07,800 In 1936 I was deported from Spain! And all her territories and dominions! 208 00:18:11,182 --> 00:18:16,905 Would you, er, would you consider it nosey of me if I were to ask you the reason why. 209 00:18:17,451 --> 00:18:19,012 Do you really wanna know? 210 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,920 Well no...we're just curious that's all! 211 00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:23,751 Yeah, you know, well we just wondered. 212 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:27,231 Well...I were up to no good weren't I! 213 00:18:27,652 --> 00:18:34,390 Well I didn't think they got ruddy well deported for doing missionary work id I? So what happened in 1936? 214 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:37,562 The Spanish Civil War happened, that's what happened! 215 00:18:37,764 --> 00:18:40,143 The Spanish Civil...This gets worse Rodney! 216 00:18:41,173 --> 00:18:44,776 Oh look, it's a long long story! 217 00:18:44,982 --> 00:18:49,345 Well according to Manuel the guard you may have a long long time to tell it in! So let's hear it. 218 00:18:49,915 --> 00:18:55,624 Well in 1936 the family was living in Peabody Buildings, Peckham Rye. 219 00:18:56,059 --> 00:19:01,982 Oh it was terribly hard times! We had no money - no food - no future! 220 00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:05,251 There was millions of unemployed on the dole. 221 00:19:05,493 --> 00:19:08,351 Excuse me. Just a minute - just a - sorry - just a minute. 222 00:19:08,863 --> 00:19:12,393 I mean, excuse me, I may be being a wally or something, 223 00:19:13,129 --> 00:19:19,725 but you - can you possibly explain to me what a dole queue in Peckham has got to do with the Spanish Civil War! 224 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,920 I'm building up to it Del! 225 00:19:23,009 --> 00:19:25,665 Having a conversation with him is like the slow death innit? 226 00:19:27,196 --> 00:19:33,172 One day me and my mate Nobby Clarke, we decided we had just about had enough of it. 227 00:19:33,353 --> 00:19:36,494 So we run off to join the Foreign Legion! 228 00:19:37,054 --> 00:19:39,710 The Foreign Legion? You don't mean the British Legion? 229 00:19:41,853 --> 00:19:49,411 The French Foreign Legion! Camels and forts, you know! So we hitch-hiked to Southampton. 230 00:19:49,852 --> 00:19:51,296 That's where their headquarters was? 231 00:19:51,570 --> 00:19:55,785 No! That's where we tried to get aboard a boat! 232 00:19:56,045 --> 00:20:00,070 Well, eventually we stowed away on a tramp steamer. 233 00:20:00,303 --> 00:20:11,360 We hid under the tarpaulin in the lifeboat. But oh – the voyage was terrible, there was storms and gales. 234 00:20:12,081 --> 00:20:18,424 Us Trotters have never made good sailors! Now Nobby was - he was alright on the water, 235 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:23,530 I think it comes from the time when he was a caretaker at a seamen's mission in Grimsby. 236 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:30,289 Oi oi, I don't want to worry you, you know, but our plane leaves in three days. What happened in Spain? 237 00:20:30,490 --> 00:20:35,350 Well I'm just coming to it! Oh now where was I! 238 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:38,717 You and the Fisherman's Friend were under a tarpaulin in the lifeboat. 239 00:20:39,094 --> 00:20:44,648 Oh yeah! Well, when the ship finally docked guess where we were? 240 00:20:44,975 --> 00:20:49,743 - Spain! - No, Tangiers! 241 00:20:50,975 --> 00:20:54,179 Grandad, is it worth me making any plans for my future? 242 00:20:54,978 --> 00:20:57,267 I mean what has all this got to do with the Foreign Legion? 243 00:20:57,653 --> 00:21:00,982 Tangiers was one of their main bases wasn't it. 244 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,605 You see any normal person who wanted to join the French Legion would have gone to France, wouldn't they. 245 00:21:05,805 --> 00:21:06,910 Not him, no! 246 00:21:07,143 --> 00:21:10,328 Well we jumped ship and made our way to their barracks. 247 00:21:10,929 --> 00:21:14,456 When we got there we couldn't believe our eyes. 248 00:21:14,744 --> 00:21:20,117 They were the biggest band of cutthroats, villains and murderers you could ever hope to see! 249 00:21:20,306 --> 00:21:22,472 They was the scum of the earth! 250 00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,270 So you didn't join? 251 00:21:24,461 --> 00:21:31,235 We tried but they wouldn't have us! Well, now me and Nobby was in dead lumber. 252 00:21:31,447 --> 00:21:36,854 We had no money, we had nowhere to sleep and we was a thousand miles from home! 253 00:21:37,154 --> 00:21:41,610 But then we had a bit of luck, well it were more a quirk of fate really. 254 00:21:42,037 --> 00:21:46,089 We bumped into an Arab and he offered us a job. 255 00:21:46,479 --> 00:21:53,867 He said he'd pay us to take his motor launch over to the Spanish coast and deliver a...a cargo. 256 00:21:54,543 --> 00:21:57,865 - What sort of 'cargo'? - Guns. 257 00:22:01,358 --> 00:22:04,265 You mean you were gun-running in the middle of the civil war? 258 00:22:04,602 --> 00:22:07,985 Well that's the best time to do it Rodney, supply and demand! 259 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,194 You dirty little mercenary! 260 00:22:14,601 --> 00:22:22,679 Oh we didn't do it purely for financial gain! Oh no, we both felt a deep commitment to a political cause! 261 00:22:23,758 --> 00:22:25,330 Which side were you selling to? 262 00:22:25,584 --> 00:22:27,966 Well whichever side had the most money really. 263 00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:32,374 Oh no, no - it's alright Rodney. 264 00:22:32,567 --> 00:22:35,318 No, I mean, you know a conscience is nice but business is business, right. 265 00:22:36,206 --> 00:22:39,580 Well it was after the seventh trip when it happened... 266 00:22:42,024 --> 00:22:44,911 There was government troops, lying in wait for us. 267 00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:50,661 They arrested us and they took us to this little prison outside a town called Tarifa. 268 00:22:51,531 --> 00:22:59,274 They took Nobby away and...tortured him! You could hear his screams echoing through the night! 269 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,931 Woke you up at one point didn't it? 270 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:06,135 The last thing on my mind was sleep Rodney! 271 00:23:06,544 --> 00:23:10,982 But no matter what they done to him Nobby wouldn't say a word! 272 00:23:11,231 --> 00:23:14,439 I bet he didn't ever have his Callard and Bowser to suck did he! 273 00:23:16,288 --> 00:23:18,119 Then it were my turn! 274 00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:22,857 They...they tortured you? 275 00:23:23,055 --> 00:23:27,896 No! But they would have done if I hadn't told them everything I knew! 276 00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:38,216 Well, a couple of days later these government geezers arrive with our deportation orders, 277 00:23:38,408 --> 00:23:40,698 and well, well, that's about it! 278 00:23:42,259 --> 00:23:47,174 Are you sure that's about it? I mean you haven't forgotten any little minor details have yer? 279 00:23:47,405 --> 00:23:50,949 Like, I mean, you didn't pop over to Honk Kong and become an opium peddler 280 00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:54,837 or you didn't get a Saturday morning job as a white slave trader did you? 281 00:23:55,536 --> 00:24:00,446 No - I just went back to Peckham Del, put me name down on the housing list. 282 00:24:02,668 --> 00:24:06,330 Grandad, why the hell didn't you tell us all this before we left home? 283 00:24:06,549 --> 00:24:11,026 Well, I was gonna tell you but I thought it might spoil the 'oliday! 284 00:24:11,521 --> 00:24:14,296 Spoil the 'oliday! Well what do you think this has done? 285 00:24:14,474 --> 00:24:17,891 We'd have been better off with that caravan in Buenos Aires now, wouldn't we. 286 00:24:18,704 --> 00:24:20,921 Well it happened a long time ago. 287 00:24:21,141 --> 00:24:24,699 I thought the Spanish authorities would have forgotten it by now! 288 00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:27,424 Forgotten about it? Forgotten about it. 289 00:24:27,630 --> 00:24:30,435 You're most probably on their ten most wanted terrorists lists – 290 00:24:31,025 --> 00:24:35,056 you're probably somewhere between Carlos the Jackal and the Black November! 291 00:24:36,554 --> 00:24:38,146 - September! - What? 292 00:24:39,126 --> 00:24:42,383 It's September. The Black September! You said November! 293 00:24:43,293 --> 00:24:48,967 Gordon Bennett Rodney, we haven't got time to stand about here discussing signs of the bleedin' zodiac! 294 00:24:49,423 --> 00:24:52,318 We've gotta think of a way of getting the Red Shadow out of here! 295 00:24:53,235 --> 00:24:55,098 It's no sweat, they'll just deport him again! 296 00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:57,215 Just deport him. You're joking of course. 297 00:24:57,384 --> 00:24:59,225 They've just held the World Cup here haven't they, 298 00:24:59,408 --> 00:25:02,440 they've got 'arf of Manchester and Glasgow to get rid of first! 299 00:25:04,368 --> 00:25:08,461 By the time we get him back he'll be eating paella and calling us gringos! 300 00:25:11,290 --> 00:25:13,999 There's gotta be a way! Now there's always a way! 301 00:25:16,433 --> 00:25:18,734 Hello, visiting time's over. 302 00:25:19,209 --> 00:25:23,543 Here - listen, oi you two - now you keep schtum. Let me do all the talking alright. 303 00:25:23,745 --> 00:25:28,906 Ah hello Juan! Just the one I wanted to see. 304 00:25:31,675 --> 00:25:35,836 Yeah, well, um, no I just wanted to say like my grandfather here was telling us 305 00:25:36,015 --> 00:25:41,256 about the charming reception that he's received in your charming bijou nick! 306 00:25:42,978 --> 00:25:47,989 What ees thees you say to me, eh? You take thee peees yes? 307 00:25:50,065 --> 00:25:53,794 I'm not taking the piss, au contraire - au contraire Juan. 308 00:25:53,994 --> 00:25:56,382 No I was, um - the thing that I wanted to say to you - was... 309 00:25:56,557 --> 00:25:58,654 Oi Del! What the bloody 'ell do you think you're doing! 310 00:25:58,836 --> 00:26:04,699 I told you keep schtum! Pardona Monsieur, El Wally. 311 00:26:06,788 --> 00:26:11,339 I've been racking my brains to find a way that I could possibly repay you, 312 00:26:11,501 --> 00:26:13,712 you know for all the good work that you've done. 313 00:26:14,415 --> 00:26:21,097 And I thought that perhaps you might give this to the charity of your choice, know what I mean? 314 00:26:21,433 --> 00:26:24,053 - The charity of my choice? - Yeah. 315 00:26:27,589 --> 00:26:29,810 - Gracias senor. - Granada. 316 00:26:29,979 --> 00:26:31,188 Gracias! 317 00:26:33,056 --> 00:26:38,530 Now listen Juan, now - now we're such close friends, I was just wondering if you - 318 00:26:38,786 --> 00:26:42,164 you know, that you could pull a few strings and get me old Grandad out of this khazi? 319 00:26:43,086 --> 00:26:49,446 Ce senor! You can go! 320 00:26:50,793 --> 00:26:54,868 - What - go! What, just like that? - Si! You are free to go. 321 00:26:56,829 --> 00:27:00,804 Um, excuse me Juan, er, shouldn't you like, clear it with the Guv'ner first, you know what I mean. 322 00:27:00,955 --> 00:27:06,189 There's no need senor, I have hees release papers here! 323 00:27:10,785 --> 00:27:13,234 You mean that you were going to let him go anyway? 324 00:27:15,991 --> 00:27:17,796 Si senor! 325 00:27:18,813 --> 00:27:25,620 Nice one. Nice one Juan! Yes - yes a couple more years and you could be in charge of yer own borstal couldn't yer. 326 00:27:26,499 --> 00:27:28,791 How come you're letting me go so soon? 327 00:27:28,992 --> 00:27:35,164 You done nothing - it's a little offence. How you say - a traffic violation. 328 00:27:35,891 --> 00:27:38,906 You crossa the road almost causing the car to crash! 329 00:27:39,301 --> 00:27:43,277 But we make no charges - bad for Angelo-Spanish relationships! 330 00:27:43,940 --> 00:27:47,147 Yeah, well, don't think you're getting Gibraltar back just 'cos of this! 331 00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:55,128 You - well, it appears you walked across the road Grandfather! 332 00:27:55,894 --> 00:27:58,699 You were done for jay-walking you stupid old berk! 333 00:27:59,610 --> 00:28:01,271 Well I didn't know Del Boy. 334 00:28:01,540 --> 00:28:04,571 When they screeched to a halt I thought they'd captured me! 335 00:28:05,846 --> 00:28:12,252 Gracias once again senor. The charity of my choice will ve very pleased. 336 00:28:12,870 --> 00:28:15,356 I bet she will Juan, I bet she will! 337 00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:22,365 Well I suppose we'd better stop off at the drug store and get something for Grandad's cuts and bruises. 338 00:28:22,655 --> 00:28:25,502 I ain't got no cuts and bruises! 339 00:28:26,593 --> 00:28:29,161 It's early yet! 340 00:28:33,015 --> 00:28:35,280 Subtitles by NVL