1 00:00:39,268 --> 00:00:40,933 No, they're beautiful ain't they? They're beautiful. 2 00:00:41,453 --> 00:00:45,182 And listen, I don't care whether your nipper has got measles, mumps or a scabby eye, 3 00:00:45,544 --> 00:00:48,855 because these are guaranteed to bring a smile right back on his face. 4 00:00:49,119 --> 00:00:51,890 Now listen, gather round everybody. Listen to me, now listen ladies, 5 00:00:52,047 --> 00:00:54,865 I want to tell you something, please don't let it go any further because I'm afraid 6 00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:58,098 I might be in breach of the Official Secrets Act. Right. 7 00:00:58,283 --> 00:01:04,175 I happen to know that little Prince William has one of these little fluffy toys in his nursery in Buck House; 8 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:05,444 now I'll tell you how I know, shall I? 9 00:01:05,641 --> 00:01:10,728 Because his dad gave me a bell last week and he said 'Del Boy - Del Boy,' he said, 10 00:01:10,907 --> 00:01:16,309 'I'm in right lumber, the enemy's doing her pieces because I've forgotten Spud's Birthday.' 11 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:20,191 Now Spud happens to be the nickname for the little Prince William. So what do I do? 12 00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:25,052 I walloped straight round there with one of these. And it was end of aggravation, end of story. 13 00:01:25,322 --> 00:01:28,789 Now they come complete with batteries, they're fully house trained. 14 00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,555 Whoops. That one isn't, never mind. 15 00:01:30,752 --> 00:01:33,879 They are not made in Taiwan and these are not made in Hon Kong. 16 00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:37,123 These are 'Made in Burma'. What can't speak, can't lie... 17 00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:45,619 Now, I'm not going to mess about with coppers, now that's a Freudian slip, so I'm not asking for 14 quid, 18 00:01:45,835 --> 00:01:49,881 I'm not gonna ask for ten quid. Who'll give me six quid for this little yap. 19 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,625 If these were fluffy little chickens you'd be saying 20 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:57,269 'Good Heavens, they're going cheap.' Going cheap, do you get it? 21 00:02:00,637 --> 00:02:02,499 And I'll tell you why I've got to get rid of them, shall I? 22 00:02:02,737 --> 00:02:07,012 Because I'm going on my holidays and I need my suitcase, right. 23 00:02:07,437 --> 00:02:13,079 Now what I...what I, er, right, listen sorry I can't stay. 24 00:02:13,292 --> 00:02:18,104 Tell you what, I just remembered my flight leaves in 'alf an hour. See ya! 25 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,749 Excuse me, excuse...oh. 26 00:03:03,236 --> 00:03:04,932 Shut up, will ya? 27 00:04:13,993 --> 00:04:15,980 Had a good day Del? 28 00:04:18,527 --> 00:04:22,409 Had a good day, a good day? Oh the best, Grandad, the very bloody best. 29 00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:28,206 I've been chased by a gendarme, attacked by Pussycat Willum and almost caught rabies. 30 00:04:28,378 --> 00:04:30,440 And it's all this dipstick's fault. 31 00:04:31,383 --> 00:04:32,925 Oh he don't 'alf exaggerate. 32 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,088 Exaggerate? 33 00:04:34,249 --> 00:04:37,268 You should have been with me in that alley Rodney, it was like Call of the Wild. 34 00:04:37,501 --> 00:04:39,646 Why didn't you warn me that that copper was coming? 35 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:40,883 Because I didn't see him. 36 00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:44,437 You didn't see him? What d'you want me to get you, radar or something? 37 00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:48,679 Oh you've gotta give him the benefit of the doubt Del Boy. 38 00:04:48,859 --> 00:04:51,946 Yes, thank you Grandad. At least somebody understands. 39 00:04:52,308 --> 00:04:57,325 I mean, they are difficult to spot – with their size 18 boots and their pointed heads. 40 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:02,135 Why don't you shut your mouth you sarky old goat! 41 00:05:02,665 --> 00:05:03,576 Oh and that's another thing. 42 00:05:03,756 --> 00:05:06,050 What about last Friday then, when we were knocking out them Italian shirts. 43 00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:12,509 Listen to this one, Grandad. That wasn't just one copper you failed to warn me about - it was an entire squad car. 44 00:05:13,078 --> 00:05:18,620 I mean, it stood there by the kerb, all big and white with a red stripe running through it like a tube of Signal. 45 00:05:20,041 --> 00:05:21,171 Well, I didn't see it. 46 00:05:21,359 --> 00:05:22,315 You didn't see it... 47 00:05:22,471 --> 00:05:28,400 you must have been a tiny suspicious when this ginormous great big jam sandwich pulled up next to you? 48 00:05:28,946 --> 00:05:30,848 Well, maybe he needs medical help Del. 49 00:05:31,002 --> 00:05:32,479 Yeah, like psychiatric treatment. 50 00:05:33,213 --> 00:05:34,345 Or glasses. 51 00:05:34,581 --> 00:05:41,103 Look, I don't need psychiatric treatment and I don't need specs, right. I've had a lot on my mind just recently. 52 00:05:41,928 --> 00:05:44,603 I've been struggling to find a way of making a very important announcement. 53 00:05:44,850 --> 00:05:46,947 Oh yeah, what important announcement? 54 00:05:48,111 --> 00:05:53,428 Alright, for the past two weeks or so I've been taking stock of my life. 55 00:05:54,609 --> 00:05:57,648 Who I am, what I am and where I'm going. 56 00:05:58,405 --> 00:05:59,855 And that's taken you a fortnight? 57 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,726 I could have answered all them questions for you - 58 00:06:01,919 --> 00:06:04,431 could have been answered them all during a commercial break. 59 00:06:04,899 --> 00:06:06,938 Will you just shut up for one minute. 60 00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:11,571 I am 24 years old, I have two GCEs, 61 00:06:11,826 --> 00:06:17,103 13 years of schooling and three terms at an adult education centre behind me, right. 62 00:06:17,749 --> 00:06:21,102 And with all that, what have I become? I'm a look-out. 63 00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:29,791 No Rodney, you're wrong. You're not just a look-out. You're a bad look-out. 64 00:06:30,342 --> 00:06:35,371 Alright, alright, so I'm not very good at it. Perhaps that's 'cos me heart's not really in it. 65 00:06:35,547 --> 00:06:38,176 I'm not asking you to put yer heart in it, just yer eyes'll do. 66 00:06:39,424 --> 00:06:41,781 Del, what I'm trying to say is... 67 00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,985 I'm thinking of breaking up the partnership. 68 00:06:52,128 --> 00:06:55,147 - What partnership? - Ours 69 00:06:55,368 --> 00:06:57,803 Oh. What do you want to do that for? We're doing well. 70 00:06:57,968 --> 00:07:00,263 Business is booming, profits are up. What more d'you want? 71 00:07:00,477 --> 00:07:07,294 I want to make my own decisions. I've made one Del, I'm going it alone. 72 00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:08,698 - Who with? - Mickey Pearce. 73 00:07:08,878 --> 00:07:14,872 Mickey, Mickey Pearce, oh, leave it out. He couldn't keep a rabbit going with lettuce. 74 00:07:15,042 --> 00:07:18,346 You wanna watch that young Pearcey. He's a bit too fly for my liking. 75 00:07:18,562 --> 00:07:21,183 He'd rob his own grandmother he would. 76 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:24,929 Oh don't be stupid Grandad - that was never proved. 77 00:07:25,119 --> 00:07:30,529 Anyway you give credit where it's due, right. Mickey's quite an astute businessman. 78 00:07:30,691 --> 00:07:32,868 And he's putting capital into this venture. 79 00:07:33,348 --> 00:07:35,178 Oh, putting money in is he? 80 00:07:36,037 --> 00:07:39,226 Well, no. But he will as soon as his Giro cheque arrives. 81 00:07:40,658 --> 00:07:42,624 I see, and what are you going to put in? 82 00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:45,286 - I've got money, Del. - Oh, oh, have you? 83 00:07:45,468 --> 00:07:48,148 Yeah, I've got my half of the partnership. 84 00:07:48,786 --> 00:07:50,912 What partnership? What our part... 85 00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:02,082 Alright, if that is the way you want it, my son. 86 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:08,625 'Cos you'll have to understand one thing Rodney. Going it alone means exactly what it says. 87 00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,465 Right, from now on, you've got to pay your own way in the world. 88 00:08:11,745 --> 00:08:14,253 You pay your own way in the pubs and you pay your own way in this house. 89 00:08:14,588 --> 00:08:17,469 You make a mistake you stick by that mistake. Alright? 90 00:08:17,674 --> 00:08:18,246 Fine. 91 00:08:18,423 --> 00:08:22,832 Fine. And if things don't go right for you, I don't wanna hear no moaning or whining from yer. 92 00:08:23,034 --> 00:08:24,831 Look, I won't moan or whine about nothing. 93 00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:27,360 Right, there you go then. 94 00:08:31,327 --> 00:08:32,850 - Is this all I got? - Yeah. 95 00:08:33,091 --> 00:08:35,851 Oh bloody hell, Del, all them years of working, you give me this. 96 00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:39,244 Yeah, well, I mean, you know, business's a bit shaky - profits are down. 97 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,716 Hold on a minute - just now you said we were doing well. 98 00:08:42,214 --> 00:08:45,339 Yeah, well, we are doing well, relatively speaking Rodney. 99 00:08:45,532 --> 00:08:49,816 I mean we are doing well, compared to...an Iranian gin salesman. 100 00:08:52,187 --> 00:08:54,368 Anyway, I had to buy some stock off Alfie Flowers yesterday, 101 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,817 and I mean a trader is only as good as his stock, right. 102 00:08:57,635 --> 00:09:00,091 Alright, well, this'll have to do then won't it. 103 00:09:01,571 --> 00:09:04,065 But I'm going to prove to you that I've got business acumen, 104 00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:09,057 that I am as quick-witted as you, Del. See you down the auction tomorrow. 105 00:09:09,433 --> 00:09:11,094 Alright. How will I recognise you? 106 00:09:11,331 --> 00:09:16,114 Ah, I'll wear that stripy tie with...See yer. 107 00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:22,148 Lot 35, ladies and gentlemen, is a consignment of smoke-damaged fire alarms. 108 00:09:22,391 --> 00:09:27,902 Now they are industrial models and all guaranteed - sort of - to be in perfect working order. 109 00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:32,202 Well, we've written evidence from the nightwatchman to say they all went of when the factory went up. 110 00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:37,605 Now there's 70 all-told, and they usually retail around the 30 quid mark. 111 00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:40,146 So I can start the bidding at fifty quid the lot. 112 00:09:40,461 --> 00:09:41,682 Go on, bid for 'em. 113 00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:45,179 What do we want industrial fire alarms for, eh? 114 00:09:45,573 --> 00:09:47,928 How many factories do we know are going to catch fire? 115 00:09:49,685 --> 00:09:52,993 - Alright Rodney? - Good morning Derek. 116 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,770 Watcha Del. It's good here innit? 117 00:09:59,763 --> 00:10:01,078 Er, triffic. 118 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,066 This is my first auction. 119 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:07,555 I thought it might be. Listen, a word of advice. 120 00:10:08,183 --> 00:10:11,519 You've gotta be very careful what you do with yer hands in a place like this. 121 00:10:12,248 --> 00:10:14,021 I mean, I know you didn't realise it Mickey, 122 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:19,747 but just now you put in a 40 quid bid for an electric generator when you scratched your bum. 123 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,651 - Did I? - He's winding you up. 124 00:10:24,226 --> 00:10:29,039 The state of him. What are you after? 125 00:10:29,639 --> 00:10:31,000 Cut-glass goblets. 126 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:33,159 - No, no, we ain't. - But I thought you said... 127 00:10:33,351 --> 00:10:35,934 No, no - we're not after nothing in particular. 128 00:10:36,384 --> 00:10:42,128 Oh I see. Now listen, the one that you wanna beware of is Lot 37. 129 00:10:42,533 --> 00:10:49,315 It's nothing more than a load of scrap iron, right, so be careful. See you later. 130 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,426 130, thank you sir. A 130. Do I hear any more? 131 00:10:56,790 --> 00:11:00,370 130 - down to young Towser. 132 00:11:01,122 --> 00:11:10,009 Now ladies and gentlemen, we come to lot 36, 112 pieces of near perfect cut-glass goblets. 133 00:11:10,216 --> 00:11:11,339 Take a look ladies and gentleman. 134 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,458 This is us Rodney. 135 00:11:12,632 --> 00:11:16,393 No, hang on a minute. Let's have another look at Lot 37. 136 00:11:17,053 --> 00:11:18,843 Yeah, but Del told us to be careful of that one. 137 00:11:19,022 --> 00:11:23,007 Yeah and why do you think he did that? Use your noddle Mickey. 138 00:11:23,186 --> 00:11:25,322 Del's after Lot 37, ain't he? 139 00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:28,882 He's just trying to put us off and leave the field open for him, ain't he. 140 00:11:29,618 --> 00:11:31,521 I know how his mind works son. 141 00:11:33,119 --> 00:11:37,488 Right, Lot 37, assorted agricultural machinery. 142 00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:42,102 Hey, that could be anything - that could be tractors, combine harvesters. 143 00:11:42,697 --> 00:11:46,339 Yeah, we could take 'em out in the sticks and do them carrot crunchers up. 144 00:11:46,882 --> 00:11:48,440 Hey, shall we go for Lot 37 then? 145 00:11:48,832 --> 00:11:49,872 Yeah. 146 00:11:54,708 --> 00:11:58,281 - You bought this son? - Yeah. 147 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,782 There's always one at every auction, ain't there Del? 148 00:12:03,136 --> 00:12:05,547 Yeah, get two for the same price at this one. 149 00:12:06,463 --> 00:12:08,986 Oi you, this stuff is a load of rubbish! 150 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,083 I know, I did try to warn you Rodders. 151 00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:12,856 Yeah, but I thought when you put... 152 00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:16,300 Yeah, the trouble with you Rodney, is that you will insist on thinking. 153 00:12:17,976 --> 00:12:19,280 Well, what have you bought then? 154 00:12:19,485 --> 00:12:21,886 I got those crystal goblets that you were after. 155 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:25,592 What are these things? 156 00:12:25,754 --> 00:12:28,291 What those? They are lawnmower engines. 157 00:12:28,604 --> 00:12:29,570 Lawn-mower engines? 158 00:12:29,741 --> 00:12:33,135 Yes, listen they're not ordinary lawn-mower engines. 159 00:12:36,758 --> 00:12:42,119 - No? - No. They're broken lawn-mower engines. 160 00:12:51,095 --> 00:12:56,563 Del. We'll probably have a few problems getting these back to the, er, depot. 161 00:12:57,490 --> 00:12:59,428 Yeah, we come down on the Green Line see. 162 00:13:00,843 --> 00:13:04,007 Oh well, your best bet is to hire an open back truck then ain't it? 163 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:10,252 Yeah, but we was wondering whether you could take maybe a few in the back of the van? 164 00:13:11,723 --> 00:13:20,083 Back of my van? You must be joking – I've only just cleared 'em out of the van. 165 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,160 You mean you was selling 'em in the first place? 166 00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:30,519 Yeah. That is the rubbish that Alfie Flowers sold me. 167 00:13:31,507 --> 00:13:33,809 Normally, I'd never have bought it, you know, but he caught me 168 00:13:33,944 --> 00:13:36,426 when I was a bit non compos mentis down the One Eleven Club. 169 00:13:38,288 --> 00:13:41,012 Well, look, I never thought I'd ever get shot of them. But you know me Rodney. 170 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:46,430 He who dares wins. Actually it made a tidy little profit on it an' all. 171 00:13:49,752 --> 00:13:51,623 What are we supposed to do with them? 172 00:13:51,909 --> 00:13:56,677 Well, why don't you do what I did? Find yourself a couple of right little plonkers with cash on the hip. 173 00:14:03,889 --> 00:14:05,267 So what are we gonna do? 174 00:14:07,349 --> 00:14:09,494 Wait till he ain't looking and run away. 175 00:14:11,262 --> 00:14:13,087 No, we can't do that, he's got my address. 176 00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:15,208 Yeah, well he ain't got mine. 177 00:14:15,677 --> 00:14:17,442 Oh thanks partner. 178 00:14:17,779 --> 00:14:19,543 Well, you would insist on bidding for 'em. 179 00:14:19,872 --> 00:14:23,923 Yeah, and who wanted to go out to the sticks and flog 'em to the carrot crunchers? 180 00:14:24,158 --> 00:14:26,764 Well, you said they were combine harvesters and tractors. 181 00:14:26,952 --> 00:14:29,730 The way you were talking we were going to do a deal with Weetabix. 182 00:14:29,883 --> 00:14:31,036 Oh get off my back. 183 00:14:31,292 --> 00:14:34,905 ...How we going to get home anyway? 184 00:14:36,819 --> 00:14:40,305 Hello Grandad. Here are, look at this. Bought you some strawberries, go on, dip in. 185 00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:44,271 Oh here, they ain't very big are they? 186 00:14:44,733 --> 00:14:45,962 What do you mean they ain't very big? 187 00:14:46,125 --> 00:14:48,546 You wouldn't like one of those up yer nose for a wart would yer. 188 00:14:48,903 --> 00:14:49,721 Well, no. 189 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,572 Well, go on then, shut up and eat up. I'll put the kettle on. 190 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,946 You're splashing out a bit ain't yer? 191 00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,999 Yeah, well, I've had a right blinding week. I've sold the lot. 192 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,784 Here, I even sold those techni-colour woolen tea cosies I bought. 193 00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:08,125 How d'you manage that? Who the 'ell wants woolen tea cosies these days? 194 00:15:08,299 --> 00:15:12,279 No, no, no, no - look, I got that Mrs Murphy right, to stitch up all the holes. 195 00:15:12,651 --> 00:15:17,440 And then I whipped down to the youth centre and I flogged 'em to the West Indian lads as soppy hats. 196 00:15:21,147 --> 00:15:25,187 There you go, look, there's the housekeeping money, alright, and look at that, there's a tenner for yourself. 197 00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:26,689 Oh cheers Del. 198 00:15:26,877 --> 00:15:28,027 That's it, don't squander it. 199 00:15:28,187 --> 00:15:35,054 No, no, I'll invest it wisely. How's young Rodney doing? 200 00:15:35,265 --> 00:15:37,594 Oh well, the opposition are floundering somewhat. 201 00:15:38,131 --> 00:15:43,276 Well, to be more precise, they're going down like a one-legged man doing the hokey-cokey. 202 00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:48,524 I've seen Rodney skulking around the garden centres and what 'ave yer. 203 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,019 He ain't got rid of them lawnmower engines yet? 204 00:15:51,296 --> 00:15:56,902 No, they're still in their depot. Well, depot, that's Mickey Pearce's garden shed. 205 00:15:57,517 --> 00:15:58,909 Here talking about that. 206 00:16:00,150 --> 00:16:04,596 Do you know what happened last Tuesday night, somebody broke into their shed and nicked two of them engines. 207 00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:09,027 Ah no. That's rotten innit? I feel sorry for young Rodney. 208 00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:13,019 No, no, no, it's alright, because Wednesday night they broke in again and put 'em back. 209 00:16:14,704 --> 00:16:19,228 Oh here he is. Listen Del Boy, don't say nothing about them lawn-mower engines. 210 00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:21,320 I think he's getting a bit embarrassed about it. 211 00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:23,140 Alright, I won't mention 'em. 212 00:16:27,596 --> 00:16:28,709 Alright Del? 213 00:16:28,886 --> 00:16:31,392 Triffic, brill Rodders, had a blinding week. How about you? 214 00:16:31,579 --> 00:16:33,272 Oh fine - could not be better. 215 00:16:37,023 --> 00:16:38,827 Sold those lawn-mower engines yet? 216 00:16:40,275 --> 00:16:41,576 Lawn mower - lawn mower? 217 00:16:41,846 --> 00:16:47,320 Oh no, no, we've had lots of enquiries, obviously, but we're hanging on for the right price, you know. 218 00:16:47,521 --> 00:16:51,821 Oh that is the way, Rodney, agent provocateur as the French would say. 219 00:16:51,987 --> 00:16:53,189 Well, that's what I thought. 220 00:16:55,225 --> 00:16:57,710 Oh that reminds me, did the paper boy bring my Sun this morning? 221 00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,151 Well, we've had to cancel it Rodney. 222 00:17:00,447 --> 00:17:01,547 Cancel it? Why? 223 00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:02,911 Well, you haven't paid yer bill, have you? 224 00:17:03,154 --> 00:17:04,890 What, I'm paying that separate as well now am I? 225 00:17:05,074 --> 00:17:06,894 Yeah, well, you're on yer own now, remember? 226 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,190 Oh yeah, yeah. It's alright, I'm just saying, you know, as long as I know. 227 00:17:10,407 --> 00:17:11,882 I'll - I'll go and pay it tomorrow. 228 00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:13,508 You hungry Rodney? 229 00:17:14,335 --> 00:17:18,766 Ah well, I had a pretty hefty lunch with a client earlier on. 230 00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:21,443 But, yeah, reckon I could manage some egg and chips. 231 00:17:21,636 --> 00:17:23,019 I'll go and put the pan on. 232 00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:26,358 Just a minute, just a minute. Has he paid his housekeeping money? 233 00:17:28,151 --> 00:17:30,467 Well, I've got a bit of a cash flow problem at the moment. 234 00:17:31,407 --> 00:17:35,280 Well, so's half the people on this estate but they don't come in here eating my egg and chips. 235 00:17:36,477 --> 00:17:38,604 No, it's alright, I'll pay double next week. 236 00:17:38,779 --> 00:17:40,192 Ah well, that's alright then. 237 00:17:40,339 --> 00:17:42,602 That's alright, you can have double egg and chips next week. 238 00:17:44,769 --> 00:17:47,065 How can you have a cash flow problem Rodney? 239 00:17:47,241 --> 00:17:50,546 I thought you had nearly tow hundred pounds left out of your share. 240 00:17:51,288 --> 00:17:54,099 Yeah, yeah, that's right. But - Mickey's holding the money. 241 00:17:58,068 --> 00:18:00,281 Well, he's financial director see. 242 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,842 Why don't you pop round is house and get some money? 243 00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:06,924 Yeah, yeah, I would but he's out of town at the moment. 244 00:18:07,193 --> 00:18:10,884 Yeah, I thought I hadn't seen him around for about four or five days. 245 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:16,322 No, no, well, that's 'cos we're doing this really big deal, you see, 246 00:18:16,487 --> 00:18:18,685 and Mickey's gone away to tie up all the loose ends. 247 00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:20,859 Oh, well that explains it then. 248 00:18:22,112 --> 00:18:23,033 Yeah. Explains what? 249 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,413 No, it's just that I saw his mum this morning. 250 00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,887 She said she just got a postcard from him from Benidorm. 251 00:18:27,054 --> 00:18:28,313 Benidorm? 252 00:18:28,929 --> 00:18:30,678 Yeah he's doing alright. You know the weather's fine. 253 00:18:30,817 --> 00:18:33,845 Food's good. Met this Swedish bird called Helga. 254 00:18:35,341 --> 00:18:37,641 Oh, would that be the contact that he went to meet? 255 00:18:38,605 --> 00:18:40,906 What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 256 00:18:42,814 --> 00:18:47,365 Well, I've gotta admire yer bottle Rodders - I must admit. 257 00:18:47,563 --> 00:18:50,788 You've been in the business five minutes and already you've opened up a Spanish branch. 258 00:18:54,288 --> 00:18:57,459 You've cornered the World market on broken lawnmower engines – 259 00:18:58,727 --> 00:19:01,312 what's your partner doing now, is he buying second-hand pedalos? 260 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:08,208 No, no, no, nothing like that, no, we're going into the self-catering holiday trade. 261 00:19:08,584 --> 00:19:09,929 Cor, what on 200 nicker? 262 00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:12,126 Yeah well, we're starting in a small way. 263 00:19:12,815 --> 00:19:14,945 What you got, a Wendy House? 264 00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:27,726 Grandad, I am not prepared to discuss the situation any longer, alright, it's confidential information. 265 00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:35,575 I understand Rodney, no, no, I understand. Well, I'm off out. 266 00:19:36,195 --> 00:19:37,042 Where you going? 267 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:40,240 Well, I thought I might go down and have a couple of light ales down the Nag's Head, 268 00:19:40,443 --> 00:19:45,897 and then go on to the Star of Bengal for a Ruby Murray. Coming? 269 00:19:46,266 --> 00:19:47,970 - I'm potless ain't I? - What? 270 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:53,864 Ah no, no, I really ought to stay in and do the company accounts, I suppose. 271 00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:55,228 Oh here they are. 272 00:19:55,413 --> 00:19:56,703 Oh, cheers. 273 00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:16,808 You don't really think I'm that hard do you Rodney? 274 00:20:17,772 --> 00:20:21,343 - Na. - No, of course I'm not. 275 00:20:21,859 --> 00:20:23,048 Oh, cheers Del. 276 00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:27,071 Grandad. Do him them egg and chips will you? 277 00:20:43,673 --> 00:20:46,483 Oi Tony. None of the boys been in? 278 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:47,884 I haven't seen any of them, Del. 279 00:20:48,496 --> 00:20:50,325 Oh young Towser's just come in for a take-away. 280 00:20:50,536 --> 00:20:51,783 Oh has he, oh yeah. 281 00:20:52,159 --> 00:20:54,855 Oi Towser. Towser. 282 00:20:58,385 --> 00:21:00,848 Sorry madam. Yer onion bhaji's down there by yer foot. 283 00:21:03,225 --> 00:21:04,401 Hello Del, how's it going? 284 00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:06,461 Alright my son, sit down and have yourself a popadum. 285 00:21:06,608 --> 00:21:07,868 Listen, I can't get involved. 286 00:21:08,023 --> 00:21:09,701 I'm getting the missus a takeaway and I wanna get home tonight. 287 00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:11,149 Come on, you've got time for a drink. 288 00:21:11,374 --> 00:21:12,519 - Go on, sit down. - Oh cheers. 289 00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:15,413 Listen, I'm glad I bumped into you...I want you to do me a favour. 290 00:21:15,844 --> 00:21:16,301 What's that? 291 00:21:16,490 --> 00:21:22,147 Sit down, you know those broken lawn-mower engines that dozy twonk Rodney got himself lumbered with? 292 00:21:22,371 --> 00:21:23,379 Yeah, what about 'em? 293 00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:24,887 I want you to buy 'em off him. 294 00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:27,685 You want me to do what? Do me a favour Del. 295 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:31,480 Alfie Flowers offered me them engines a month ago. I don't want nothing to do with 'em. 296 00:21:31,866 --> 00:21:35,661 It's alright, it's alright. Now listen, you don't have to spend any money. 297 00:21:38,815 --> 00:21:42,375 There are, see that, look 200 quid I want you to offer him that. 298 00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:46,591 200? Here, they're only worth about a score, scrap value. 299 00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:49,966 I know but I want him to think he's made a good profit. 300 00:21:50,162 --> 00:21:51,141 Look, he's had a bad week. 301 00:21:51,332 --> 00:21:54,600 He's been tucked up something chronic by that best mate of his and now he's brassic. 302 00:21:54,768 --> 00:21:56,208 Why don't you just give him the money? 303 00:21:56,423 --> 00:21:58,083 'Cos it'll seem like charity, won't it, eh? 304 00:22:00,443 --> 00:22:02,661 Yeah, and he'll be too proud to accept it? 305 00:22:02,818 --> 00:22:09,235 No, he'd snap it up like a shot. Look, I want him to think that he's been successful. 306 00:22:10,243 --> 00:22:14,478 I want him to believe that he's proved me wrong... It's important Towser. 307 00:22:16,618 --> 00:22:18,614 Alright then Del, if that's what you want. 308 00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:24,315 You're a pal. 'Ere don't let him know that I'm behind all this. 309 00:22:25,203 --> 00:22:29,123 Look you say to him that you got this contact in the GLC parks department and, 310 00:22:29,469 --> 00:22:32,079 they can't get enough lawnmower engines, something like that. 311 00:22:32,308 --> 00:22:34,991 You see the thing is I'm not going to lose out on the deal, 312 00:22:35,723 --> 00:22:43,037 because come this time tomorrow Rodney'll want to be my partner again, and I will get my money back. See? 313 00:22:43,933 --> 00:22:46,957 Hey, wait a minute. What am I going to do with all these engines? 314 00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:48,365 Well, I don't know, dump 'em somewhere. 315 00:22:48,569 --> 00:22:49,995 Oh no, no, I couldn't do that Del. 316 00:22:50,278 --> 00:22:53,246 I mean, I got nicked for fly-dumping a couple of months ago, I mean, 317 00:22:53,417 --> 00:22:55,130 they're gonna chuck the book at me this time. 318 00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:59,566 Right I'll tell you what to do, take 'em back to Alfie Flowers and tell him that he can have 'em for nothing. 319 00:23:00,050 --> 00:23:05,262 Yeah, alright Del. Here, hang about, what's in it for me? 320 00:23:09,950 --> 00:23:11,371 Give you 15 for it. 321 00:23:11,569 --> 00:23:12,731 Oh yeah. 322 00:23:13,036 --> 00:23:13,998 20? 323 00:23:14,188 --> 00:23:15,951 - That'll do. - Thank you. 324 00:23:16,705 --> 00:23:17,897 Anything for a mate. 325 00:23:20,189 --> 00:23:22,208 I wouldn't pay that bill if I were you. 326 00:23:23,410 --> 00:23:25,021 Thank you Del - good morning. 327 00:23:31,272 --> 00:23:32,230 Alright Rodders? 328 00:23:32,375 --> 00:23:33,091 Yeah. 329 00:23:36,109 --> 00:23:37,832 Here, look I've had a right blinding day. Here look at that... 330 00:23:38,612 --> 00:23:42,186 Er, I must tell ya. There's a really silly bloke down the market today. 331 00:23:42,406 --> 00:23:45,071 Think he must have come from the funny farm he was really silly. 332 00:23:45,644 --> 00:23:49,767 I said to him I said. 'Here do you wanna buy some broken lawn mower engines?' 333 00:23:49,982 --> 00:23:51,950 Then he said to me, 'I ain't that silly.' 334 00:23:53,730 --> 00:23:55,425 For your information, Derek, 335 00:23:55,628 --> 00:24:00,848 this morning I successfully negotiated the sale of them engines to Young Towser. 336 00:24:01,561 --> 00:24:02,709 You're kidding me? 337 00:24:02,963 --> 00:24:05,378 No, on my life. He's bought the lot 338 00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:08,572 he's got a contact in the parks department at the GLC. 339 00:24:08,860 --> 00:24:10,548 Cor, well that's a stroke of luck then innit? 340 00:24:10,851 --> 00:24:14,302 No, no, it's not luck Del - that is good business sense. 341 00:24:15,107 --> 00:24:18,295 I knew all the time if I held on long enough I'd get my price. 342 00:24:18,963 --> 00:24:20,902 Yeah, well, I must say I admire your courage Rodders. 343 00:24:21,228 --> 00:24:23,649 Oh well, he who dares wins. 344 00:24:25,429 --> 00:24:26,821 Yeah, that's right. 345 00:24:28,804 --> 00:24:32,297 So well, that Mickey Pearce he's going to be pleased when he comes back off holiday ain't he, eh? 346 00:24:32,484 --> 00:24:34,275 Now, don't you talk to me about that Mickey Pearce. 347 00:24:34,913 --> 00:24:36,517 I've liquidated our partnership. 348 00:24:37,020 --> 00:24:41,971 Oh, so what you gonna do then? I mean still carry on, on your own like? 349 00:24:44,056 --> 00:24:49,044 Well - I was thinking - oh, you know. 350 00:24:51,098 --> 00:24:53,165 Go back as we was, eh? You and me? 351 00:24:53,932 --> 00:24:59,283 Yeah. You and me Del, eh? And now I've got experience of buying and selling meself. 352 00:25:00,144 --> 00:25:02,298 Yeah, that could be invaluable Rodney. 353 00:25:03,537 --> 00:25:05,773 Yeah, okay then, come on let's pool our resources. 354 00:25:06,051 --> 00:25:10,396 There we go. Now then, how much did you get for them lawn-mower engines? 355 00:25:10,929 --> 00:25:13,292 One hundred and sixty five pounds. 356 00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:19,365 Is that what all you got for 'em Rodney? 357 00:25:19,731 --> 00:25:23,664 Well it's not bad Del, 'cos they're only worth what, a score, scrap value. 358 00:25:24,763 --> 00:25:26,884 You certainly have learnt a lot, ain't you Rodders? 359 00:25:27,847 --> 00:25:29,244 Okay, let's see the colour of your money. 360 00:25:29,449 --> 00:25:30,557 Oh, I ain't got it. 361 00:25:31,073 --> 00:25:32,687 What d'you mean, Towser didn't pay you? 362 00:25:33,269 --> 00:25:35,527 Oh yeah, he paid me. But I've invested the money. 363 00:25:35,962 --> 00:25:36,912 You did what? 364 00:25:37,292 --> 00:25:41,002 I went down to Alfie Flowers yard, got us another load of lawn-mower engines. 365 00:25:52,159 --> 00:25:54,605 You're joking? Tell me that you're joking? 366 00:25:54,801 --> 00:25:59,422 No, well if Towser's bloke at the GLC, well he can't get enough of them engines. 367 00:25:59,788 --> 00:26:02,103 Oh I'll tell you I was dead lucky down at Alfie's. 368 00:26:02,314 --> 00:26:04,641 He'd had another load delivered this morning. 369 00:26:06,089 --> 00:26:08,570 But don't worry though 'cos they're exactly the same as the others. 370 00:26:12,490 --> 00:26:20,822 You bet your life they're the same. What a 42-carat plonker you really are. 371 00:26:22,423 --> 00:26:25,473 Come on Del, don't you think it's time you showed a bit of faith in me? 372 00:26:26,118 --> 00:26:29,613 Yes, anything you say Rodney. Anything you say. 373 00:26:30,342 --> 00:26:34,573 Good. Oi, Del, I was wondering now that we're partners again 374 00:26:34,764 --> 00:26:36,036 d'you think you could help me out? 375 00:26:36,477 --> 00:26:42,770 Eh, 'cos I ain't had a pint all week, all I've had to eat is Grandad's coking and look, 376 00:26:42,995 --> 00:26:45,726 the sole's coming off me best Guccis. Look. 377 00:26:47,367 --> 00:26:49,001 Yeah, I'll help you out Rodders. 378 00:26:50,614 --> 00:26:53,764 Put that round yer Gucci, it will stop the sole coming off! 379 00:26:58,276 --> 00:27:01,868 subtitles by NVL