1 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:59,435 Here we are. Guess where we're going at the weekend? 2 00:01:00,817 --> 00:01:01,502 No. Give us a clue. 3 00:01:01,993 --> 00:01:03,645 Alright Rodders, if you insist. 4 00:01:04,117 --> 00:01:08,076 Eerrgh, you pig, you. Geddit away. 5 00:01:08,658 --> 00:01:10,001 How's that rice going down, alright? 6 00:01:10,249 --> 00:01:11,480 Geddit out. 7 00:01:12,108 --> 00:01:13,813 Where are we going then Del? 8 00:01:14,310 --> 00:01:15,645 We're going skiing. 9 00:01:15,966 --> 00:01:18,610 Where d'you think we're going you soppy old...We're going fishing aren't we? 10 00:01:18,862 --> 00:01:20,638 Well, I know that. I mean where? 11 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,303 Oh. I see what you mean, we're going to a place called Tregower. 12 00:01:23,589 --> 00:01:24,248 Where's that? 13 00:01:24,426 --> 00:01:25,915 - Cornwall. - Cornwall? 14 00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:28,049 Why are we going all the way down there? 15 00:01:28,314 --> 00:01:30,160 Because that's where Boycie's weekend cottage is. 16 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,583 I had dinner with him lat night at Mario's 17 00:01:31,803 --> 00:01:35,475 and he happened to mention he'd got this weekend cottage and it was free and so Bob's yer uncle. 18 00:01:35,724 --> 00:01:37,695 - How much rent he charging you? - Nothing. 19 00:01:38,512 --> 00:01:39,862 He's letting us have it for free? 20 00:01:40,035 --> 00:01:41,054 Yeah, all for gratis. 21 00:01:41,274 --> 00:01:43,520 Come on, Del, there's gotta be something behind this. 22 00:01:43,991 --> 00:01:46,908 'Cos Boycie would scalp you if dandruff had a going rate. 23 00:01:48,866 --> 00:01:52,572 You're becoming so cynical Rodney. He's just doing a mate a favour isn't he, eh? 24 00:01:54,291 --> 00:01:55,952 Wait a minute. You met him in Mario's? 25 00:01:56,114 --> 00:01:57,209 Yeah, that's right, yeah. 26 00:01:57,376 --> 00:02:00,657 Grandad come on, look, clear all this fishing gear will you 'cos I want to pop out. 27 00:02:01,318 --> 00:02:04,123 - Mario's is a fish restaurant. - Is it? Yeah, see you later. 28 00:02:04,664 --> 00:02:06,273 Bit of a coincidence Del, innit, 29 00:02:06,452 --> 00:02:09,932 you meeting him in a fish restaurant and the next thing we're all going fishing. 30 00:02:12,046 --> 00:02:14,743 He's like Elliot bleedin' Ness at times ain't he, eh? 31 00:02:14,778 --> 00:02:17,988 Alright Rodney, I was gonna tell you when we got down there 32 00:02:18,193 --> 00:02:19,501 - you know - as a sort of surprise like. - Oh yeah! 33 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,397 Yeah, yeah, as a surprise, yeah. 34 00:02:21,939 --> 00:02:26,622 Well, this cottage happens to near one of the finest salmon fishing streams in England. 35 00:02:26,827 --> 00:02:31,298 Now Mario has agreed to pay us ten pounds for every fish that we bring back. 36 00:02:31,608 --> 00:02:34,208 Now Boycie and I are going to halve it, that's a fiver each. 37 00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:39,811 So let's say that we - we do what, 60 fish, that will be 300 sovs in our pocket. 38 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:47,812 We split it three ways that means you and Grandad get fifty pounds each, a weekend's fishing and free digs. 39 00:02:48,007 --> 00:02:48,969 Now, what d'you reckon to that? 40 00:02:49,148 --> 00:02:50,396 I reckon it's illegal. 41 00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,272 You hurt me sometimes Rodney. 42 00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:57,508 You really do, you don't even let me finish before you go jumping to your nasty little delusions. 43 00:02:58,034 --> 00:03:01,458 It's lucky you ain't a judge Rodney – you'd hang 'em before they'd finished the oath. 44 00:03:02,904 --> 00:03:04,729 Alright. Alright. I'm sorry. I just thought. 45 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,483 Yeah, I know exactly what you thought. 46 00:03:08,993 --> 00:03:10,427 So we've got permission have we? 47 00:03:11,801 --> 00:03:16,182 Well, we will have. We see the gamekeeper when we get down there and pay him 25 quid. 48 00:03:16,679 --> 00:03:18,171 What and he gives us a fishing permit? 49 00:03:18,646 --> 00:03:20,365 No - he shows us the hole in the fence. 50 00:03:21,437 --> 00:03:22,289 I knew it. 51 00:03:22,505 --> 00:03:25,221 - It's called business. - It's called stealing. 52 00:03:25,461 --> 00:03:27,370 - No it ain't Rodney. - Listen to your Grandad. 53 00:03:27,635 --> 00:03:29,564 It's called poaching. 54 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,719 And what do we know about that, eh? 55 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:36,023 Del, he can't even poach an egg! 56 00:03:38,203 --> 00:03:42,127 Rodney, it'll be a doddle. This stream's jam-packed with salmon. 57 00:03:42,344 --> 00:03:43,838 We just put our hooks in and whip 'em out. 58 00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:46,630 Del - it is illegal, it is immoral, it is unethical. 59 00:03:47,536 --> 00:03:52,098 Alright, me and Grandad'll go on our own, and split the profits between us. 60 00:03:55,641 --> 00:03:57,938 Now I didn't say I wouldn't come, did I? 61 00:04:01,236 --> 00:04:11,000 'Gone poaching, ba ba ba ba, left a sign upon the door. Gone poaching, ba ba.' 62 00:04:12,212 --> 00:04:15,994 You keep on Rodney and you're gonna get a smack right in the ear'ole. 63 00:04:25,094 --> 00:04:27,152 Oi, oi, oi, what' all this about? 64 00:04:28,099 --> 00:04:29,943 Ooh my Gawd, it's the Old Bill! 65 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,246 Someone's doubled you up about them salmon. 66 00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:35,894 Ssh. Look, just let me do the talking. 67 00:04:43,432 --> 00:04:48,436 Good evening Officer. Now, if it's about the tax disc I can assure you that the new one is in the post. 68 00:04:49,136 --> 00:04:53,166 It's nothing to do with your road fund licence sir. Down for a bit of fishing are we? 69 00:04:53,992 --> 00:04:55,651 No, no, no, no, nothing like that, no. 70 00:04:56,584 --> 00:04:59,859 Then why have you got three fishing rods tied to yer roof rack? 71 00:05:04,992 --> 00:05:08,654 No, no, 'cos you remember we said we might do a little bit of fishing. 72 00:05:08,928 --> 00:05:12,233 Yeah, that's right, yeah, yeah, might do – you know - just a little bit - tiddlers. 73 00:05:12,596 --> 00:05:14,247 No salmon though. 74 00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:21,529 I see. You haven't given anyone a lift in the last halfhour or so have you sir? 75 00:05:25,127 --> 00:05:27,346 No. Look, what is all this about anyway? 76 00:05:27,768 --> 00:05:30,541 We've just had word that a patient’s escaped from the local hospital. 77 00:05:31,294 --> 00:05:34,916 Escaped? What you got out here, national health stalags? 78 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:40,975 It's no ordinary hospital sir. It's an institute for the criminally insane. 79 00:05:42,137 --> 00:05:46,430 See, this storm's brought a few power cables down, blacked out the entire area. 80 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,280 It even put the institute's security system out of action. 81 00:05:50,949 --> 00:05:55,052 So this patient took his chance and made of across the moors. 82 00:05:56,586 --> 00:06:01,260 He's out there somewhere now. For all I know he could be watching us. 83 00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:06,597 What was he in there for anyway? 84 00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:10,748 Ten years ago this very night, he killed a party of weekend fishermen. 85 00:06:12,094 --> 00:06:15,682 You may have seen it on the TV? They called him the Axe Murderer. 86 00:06:17,782 --> 00:06:20,923 No, no, no, I must have been out that night. 87 00:06:21,503 --> 00:06:23,398 You good people be very careful. 88 00:06:23,671 --> 00:06:27,960 Don't pick up any hitch-hikers, don't stop for anyone, no matter what the circumstances. 89 00:06:28,529 --> 00:06:32,727 And, if you see or hear anything suspicious, phone the police immediately. 90 00:06:33,542 --> 00:06:36,043 Your lives may depend on it. 91 00:06:37,088 --> 00:06:39,857 Right gentlemen - have a nice weekend won't you? 92 00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:50,127 Yeah, well, come on. Full ahead both Rodney. 93 00:06:50,489 --> 00:06:52,733 - We ain't going on are we? - Yeah, course we are. 94 00:06:53,561 --> 00:06:57,256 Del, there is a crazed axe murderer out there somewhere. 95 00:06:57,596 --> 00:07:02,710 I know that Rodders, but you seem to be forgetting that we're on a 300 quid earner. 96 00:07:03,868 --> 00:07:10,792 Don't worry, we'll be locked up safe and sound in Boycie's cottage. Anyway there's three of us... 97 00:07:12,756 --> 00:07:14,073 There's me and you... 98 00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:20,292 Don't worry, I'll look after you! 99 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,340 Right, get this stuff out of here, come on. 100 00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:57,288 Alright. Grandad. 101 00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:19,284 I wish you'd shut up Rodney, you're making me nervous. 102 00:08:19,604 --> 00:08:23,590 Look, I didn't say I saw 'someone' did I? Just that I saw 'something'. 103 00:08:23,785 --> 00:08:25,804 Yeah, alright don't worry, get them lanterns going will you Rodney. 104 00:08:26,795 --> 00:08:27,798 Why, what's wrong with the lights? 105 00:08:27,983 --> 00:08:30,445 - No electric is there. - Someone's been tampering with it. 106 00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:34,733 No, look, the storm has blown the power cables down remember? 107 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,365 - The whole area's blacked out innit? - Oh yeah! 108 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:40,173 Yeah, I'll just see if I can find some candles in this cupboard over here... 109 00:08:48,964 --> 00:08:50,964 - What are you doing? - I'm phoning the law! 110 00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:53,808 You're doing what? What are you trying to do to me? 111 00:08:54,673 --> 00:08:57,688 Cor, look, we're down here doing a bit of 'fishing', 112 00:08:58,074 --> 00:09:01,630 the last thing we need is the local Polizia sniffing round our keep-nets. 113 00:09:01,948 --> 00:09:05,231 Look, that copper said that if we see or hear anything suspicious 114 00:09:05,424 --> 00:09:08,814 phone the police immediately – our lives could depend on it. 115 00:09:08,999 --> 00:09:11,111 Alright then, who have you seen Hawkeye? 116 00:09:11,341 --> 00:09:16,565 I saw a - well, a movement in the trees. 117 00:09:16,812 --> 00:09:19,716 A movement? Of course you're gonna see movement in the trees 118 00:09:20,034 --> 00:09:22,693 there's a ruddy typhoid blowing out there. 119 00:09:25,244 --> 00:09:26,564 Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry. 120 00:09:26,751 --> 00:09:29,372 It's alright, come on, pull yourself together, alright. 121 00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:30,731 That's it. 122 00:09:33,165 --> 00:09:35,227 It's a typhoon. 123 00:09:35,433 --> 00:09:38,662 Good idea Rodney, put the kettle on, we'll have a nice cup of tea. 124 00:09:48,183 --> 00:09:50,210 Del, there's only an electric kettle out there. 125 00:09:50,411 --> 00:09:52,034 Well, use a saucepan then. 126 00:09:55,337 --> 00:09:56,911 No, there ain't none. 127 00:09:57,875 --> 00:10:00,117 Gordon Bennett. Look, come out of my way, look, I'll do it. 128 00:10:00,669 --> 00:10:04,124 Here, look - have a look in that sideboard, see if Boycie's left any scotch will you. 129 00:10:04,651 --> 00:10:06,841 If he hasn't we'll have to drink mine! 130 00:10:12,366 --> 00:10:16,891 Here you are Rodney. See what I mean, there ain't no ghosts or ghouls out here! 131 00:10:22,677 --> 00:10:26,288 Del Boy, come in here quick. Rodney's found something! 132 00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:28,634 Has he? What? 133 00:10:32,962 --> 00:10:36,121 Monopoly! Oh, now we are all doomed! 134 00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:37,857 Not the monopoly! 135 00:10:42,334 --> 00:10:44,312 Well, it's only a chopper. 136 00:10:46,102 --> 00:10:48,022 - It's an axe! - Same thing. 137 00:10:48,545 --> 00:10:53,077 No, Del. The police ain't looking for an escaped chopper murderer. 138 00:10:55,768 --> 00:10:59,228 Let - just a minute - let me ask you two something. Where are we? 139 00:10:59,464 --> 00:11:00,842 We're in schtuck! 140 00:11:02,103 --> 00:11:04,067 No! We're in the country, aren’t we? 141 00:11:04,255 --> 00:11:08,432 And country people have these things hanging about. It's part and parcel of their lives. 142 00:11:08,603 --> 00:11:12,666 Alright, let me ask you something. Where do you think that escaped bloke is right now? 143 00:11:13,436 --> 00:11:15,506 - Probably out there on them moors. - In this weather? 144 00:11:15,803 --> 00:11:17,067 Well, he's mad ain't he? 145 00:11:17,246 --> 00:11:20,952 He might be mad, he'd have to be bloody stupid to be out in the moors. 146 00:11:21,645 --> 00:11:28,227 Exactly. I reckon he'd have holed up somewhere. Found himself an empty place. Like this! 147 00:11:28,498 --> 00:11:30,304 Yeah, but this place ain't empty, is it? 148 00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:32,607 It was before we arrived, Del. 149 00:11:35,978 --> 00:11:38,142 What d'you reckon, alright then, he's up there having a kip? 150 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,743 Well, he could be up there. 151 00:11:39,925 --> 00:11:44,829 Well I shouldn't let it worry you Grandad, 'cos the three bears have probably eaten him by now. 152 00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:47,869 I mean, what is this fairy story that you're giving me? 153 00:11:48,049 --> 00:11:50,564 What's the matter with you two? You been sniffing the bostik or something? 154 00:11:51,405 --> 00:11:55,804 Alright then, well, why don't you go up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire and check it out? 155 00:11:59,321 --> 00:12:00,945 I don't have to. 156 00:12:01,877 --> 00:12:07,043 Look, I mean, listen, would any selfrespecting axe murderer pop upstairs for 40 winks 157 00:12:07,217 --> 00:12:09,210 and leave his chopper in the sideboard? 158 00:12:12,246 --> 00:12:13,704 He might have a spare one. 159 00:12:14,695 --> 00:12:16,359 He's got a kit of 'em now has he? 160 00:12:16,711 --> 00:12:19,268 I suppose he's got a little caddie that carries 'em round for him. 161 00:12:19,912 --> 00:12:24,332 And another thing. If the man of the moment is upstairs having alie-in, 162 00:12:24,521 --> 00:12:28,114 who was that you saw out there in the trees? His brother? 163 00:12:29,862 --> 00:12:33,695 - Oh yeah, that's right. - He can't be in to places at once. 164 00:12:34,029 --> 00:12:38,502 No, of course not. Oh, he's most probably half-way to London by now. 165 00:12:38,715 --> 00:12:41,182 Yeah, of course he is. He's most probably looking for an empty place up there. 166 00:12:41,516 --> 00:12:43,378 Hope he don't find our flat! 167 00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:48,825 Will you hut up? Will you just stop all this nonsense? 168 00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:54,644 Now look, are we all agreed that we are safe and sound? 169 00:12:54,995 --> 00:12:56,268 Well, well yeah. 170 00:12:56,464 --> 00:13:01,764 Right. Right. Now can you just, like, relax a bit now, you know. Alright? 171 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:08,728 Here you are. Now, I wonder where the toilet is? 172 00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:12,036 It's outside, I saw it as we come in. 173 00:13:12,222 --> 00:13:13,268 Right! 174 00:13:20,247 --> 00:13:22,153 I think I'll leave it till morning. 175 00:13:28,579 --> 00:13:30,961 Ah - Park lane. I think that's one of my properties Rodney. 176 00:13:31,454 --> 00:13:33,800 Course it is - you own everything on the board. 177 00:13:34,616 --> 00:13:37,138 No I don't, no I don't. Look, you've got Coventry Street. 178 00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:39,268 Grandad's got the Waterworks and all that. 179 00:13:40,517 --> 00:13:43,343 Ah, yeah, Park Lane, with one hotel, two thousand please. 180 00:13:43,854 --> 00:13:49,678 Two - hold on. According to this it only fifteen hundred! 181 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:52,155 Yes, I know, but I've put you in the penthouse suite haven't I? 182 00:13:53,704 --> 00:13:55,833 I don't want the penthouse suite do I! 183 00:13:56,656 --> 00:13:58,728 There you go, fifteen hundred - that's all you're getting! 184 00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:00,033 He's like a big kid ain't he? 185 00:14:00,190 --> 00:14:01,222 Yeah, well, I give up on him, Grandad. 186 00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:02,613 It's your go, Grandfather... 187 00:14:06,526 --> 00:14:11,362 Ah, Piccadilly. Right that's mine and I've got an hotel, so that's twelve hundred pounds! 188 00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:15,050 Twelve hundred quid for a hotel next to a smelly old waterworks? 189 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,224 What? 190 00:14:17,386 --> 00:14:21,936 All them sewers. I'd rather sleep in the car or look for a bed and breakfast. 191 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:28,778 No - no you don't understand. Bless his little...Look, it's in the rules. 192 00:14:29,374 --> 00:14:34,982 Twelve hundred pounds - it's scandalous. I ain't a tourist you know. 193 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,529 Del, can you have a word with him? 194 00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:41,055 Well, I think he's got a point, Rodney. 195 00:14:41,454 --> 00:14:45,605 I mean, I don't know what possessed you to build a hotel next to the sewage farm in the first place. 196 00:14:46,398 --> 00:14:49,957 I mean, let's face it, your gaff's never going to get into the Michelin Guide is it? 197 00:14:51,912 --> 00:14:53,622 But the point of the... 198 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,033 Stupid bloody game! 199 00:14:59,342 --> 00:15:02,308 Oh that's charming that is innit, eh? 200 00:15:02,493 --> 00:15:04,422 - Just because you're losing. - Oh shuddup. 201 00:15:04,626 --> 00:15:06,170 You wanna learn to grow up a bit my son. 202 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,124 I didn't wanna play this stupid bloody game in the first place. 203 00:15:09,339 --> 00:15:11,871 Yeah, alright. Grandad, I think there's an hotel underneath your chair. 204 00:15:14,171 --> 00:15:15,910 If there's any money down there it's mine, alright. 205 00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:20,391 There's the car...any more money down there? 206 00:15:39,666 --> 00:15:42,272 Don't you speak to me Rodney, I'm finished with yer. 207 00:15:43,103 --> 00:15:45,102 Del, there is a man at the window. 208 00:15:46,781 --> 00:15:47,948 You what? 209 00:15:48,503 --> 00:15:51,026 There is a man at the window. 210 00:15:51,486 --> 00:15:54,041 He ain't got a bucket and a shammy leather has he? 211 00:15:56,671 --> 00:16:00,444 I'm being serious, Del. There is somebody at the window! 212 00:16:06,412 --> 00:16:12,776 Alright Roddy - alright. Relax, just take it easy alright? I'll take a look. 213 00:16:28,109 --> 00:16:30,699 There's no one out there, Rodney, Look. There's no one out there. 214 00:16:31,176 --> 00:16:34,428 He was there, Del, I swear to you. My face was inches from that glass. 215 00:16:34,607 --> 00:16:35,823 What did he look like? 216 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:40,480 Horrible. He had these evil eyes and this grotesque evil face. 217 00:16:41,662 --> 00:16:43,533 Maybe it was a reflection! 218 00:16:44,372 --> 00:16:49,466 That was no reflection Del, I swear to God... What d'yer mean 'a reflection'? 219 00:16:50,086 --> 00:16:53,860 No, no, what I mean is that your imagination sometimes play games with you, you know. 220 00:16:54,039 --> 00:16:56,632 It tricks you into believing that you saw something that isn't really there. 221 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:02,122 Del, I saw the rain running down his forehead, I saw the blood vessels in the whites of his eyes. 222 00:17:02,281 --> 00:17:04,737 I saw the hairs coming out of his nostrils. 223 00:17:05,312 --> 00:17:08,549 It might have been the shadows in the trees, Rodney. 224 00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:16,525 Is anyone there? 225 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,973 I think there's someone at the door! 226 00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:22,167 No, no, it's most probably just the shadows. 227 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,703 Shadows? Well until they start singing Summer Holiday we'll expect the worst. 228 00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,437 Who's there? 229 00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:35,535 Oh good evening. My name's Robson, I'm chief of security at the institution. 230 00:17:35,699 --> 00:17:37,184 Oh thank Gawd for that! 231 00:17:37,378 --> 00:17:39,075 What the hell do you think you're doing? 232 00:17:39,431 --> 00:17:41,122 He's chief of security at the hospital. 233 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,051 Says who? 234 00:17:42,223 --> 00:17:46,224 Well he, just his minute...oh yeah! 235 00:17:46,728 --> 00:17:54,033 He could be anyone couldn't he? You get ready! 236 00:18:00,073 --> 00:18:01,476 - Well? - Well what? 237 00:18:03,547 --> 00:18:05,392 - Is that him? - Who? 238 00:18:05,565 --> 00:18:06,828 The face at the window. 239 00:18:06,984 --> 00:18:10,045 - I don't know, I didn't look! - You wally! 240 00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:11,746 You never said what you was gonna do. 241 00:18:11,903 --> 00:18:12,725 Is everything alright? 242 00:18:12,906 --> 00:18:14,511 Yeah... I won't keep you a minute Chief. 243 00:18:15,103 --> 00:18:17,824 Now do it - do it gain and this time take a good look. 244 00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:21,276 - Alright. - Alright ready. 245 00:18:21,944 --> 00:18:22,811 Good evening. 246 00:18:25,929 --> 00:18:27,377 - Well? - No, it's not him. 247 00:18:27,553 --> 00:18:29,442 - You sure? - Yeah, I'm positive. That is definitely not him. 248 00:18:30,046 --> 00:18:30,994 Alright. 249 00:18:32,993 --> 00:18:34,221 Do come in, Chief. 250 00:18:34,415 --> 00:18:37,356 Thank you. Appauling weather. 251 00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:41,734 Yes, sorry about leaving you standing out there but you can't be too sure can you - you know. 252 00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:44,005 We thought you might be a double-glazing salesman! 253 00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,320 What? Oh yes. 254 00:18:45,493 --> 00:18:46,803 Well, if you'd like to see some identification 255 00:18:46,976 --> 00:18:50,442 there's everything there from my driving licence to my blood donor's card. 256 00:18:50,593 --> 00:18:56,277 Oh no, no, that's alright, alright. Rodney, fix the Chief a drink will you? So, you haven't caught him then yet? 257 00:18:56,705 --> 00:18:59,865 Unfortunately no. We've extended the search up to this area now. 258 00:19:00,332 --> 00:19:05,071 We've the entire police forces of three counties out looking for him. I was passing, saw a light. 259 00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,996 What exactly are you gentlemen doing here? 260 00:19:08,167 --> 00:19:10,064 Oh, we're on a fishing trip. 261 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,426 I don't suppose you've seen anything? 262 00:19:16,718 --> 00:19:19,063 Well other than the face at the window, nothing. 263 00:19:19,668 --> 00:19:20,782 Face at the window? 264 00:19:20,953 --> 00:19:24,002 Yeah, well, Rodney here reckoned he saw a face at the window. 265 00:19:24,281 --> 00:19:25,582 I don't know whether to believe him or not. 266 00:19:25,756 --> 00:19:29,351 Oh I saw him Del, I was only sort of like three inches away from him. 267 00:19:29,494 --> 00:19:30,944 Could you describe him for me? 268 00:19:31,163 --> 00:19:33,893 Yeah, of course I could. He was about 50. 269 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:39,279 He had this gaunt, hungry expression and his eyes were like wild animal's. 270 00:19:39,477 --> 00:19:43,344 - And hairs out of his nostrils! - Yeah, and there was all that! 271 00:19:43,913 --> 00:19:46,714 You're quite certain it wasn't a reflection? 272 00:19:48,606 --> 00:19:50,699 Look, it was not a reflection! 273 00:19:50,924 --> 00:19:54,202 I'm sorry, but at times like these people's imagination run amok. 274 00:19:54,439 --> 00:19:59,380 Why, we've had 200 sightings this evening alone. What was the colour of his hair? 275 00:20:03,822 --> 00:20:06,503 - On his head! - Oh, er, grey. 276 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,783 Sounds like my man. When exactly did this happen? 277 00:20:10,988 --> 00:20:12,879 Well just now. A minute or so before you arrived. 278 00:20:13,624 --> 00:20:14,750 So he must have seen me. 279 00:20:15,428 --> 00:20:16,697 D'you reckon he's still out there then? 280 00:20:16,851 --> 00:20:18,813 Oh no, he'd be long gone by now. 281 00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:22,911 It's the uniform you see - he's terrified of people in authority. 282 00:20:23,314 --> 00:20:26,756 Well, after ten years in an institution who wouldn't be? 283 00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:30,463 Yeah, well, I feel sorry for the poor little cock. 284 00:20:32,371 --> 00:20:34,291 Chief, do you mind if I ask you something? 285 00:20:34,454 --> 00:20:35,349 What's that? 286 00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:39,743 Well is it safe for me to go to the khazi? I mean it's outside. 287 00:20:39,911 --> 00:20:42,807 Oh you're perfectly safe. He'll be a long way away by now. 288 00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:44,535 Oh good! Right, that's alright then. 289 00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:55,650 Well go on then Del, there's nothing to be frightened of now. 290 00:20:55,816 --> 00:20:57,922 I know, you don't have to go out here, do you? 291 00:20:58,089 --> 00:21:01,182 You heard what the Chief said. Go on, there's no need to worry. 292 00:21:01,602 --> 00:21:03,405 Yeah, well, alright. 293 00:21:12,308 --> 00:21:13,882 He's such a worrier. 294 00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:32,482 You weren't frightened at all? 295 00:21:32,643 --> 00:21:39,159 Me? Na. No 'cos you see, in the past I have done work for the mentally disturbed. 296 00:21:39,601 --> 00:21:41,798 He went out selling flags one Saturday. 297 00:21:44,352 --> 00:21:48,389 Well yeah, but, er, I can actually sympathise with this guy's problems. 298 00:21:48,757 --> 00:21:51,421 Sympathise? But he's a psycho. 299 00:21:51,845 --> 00:21:55,485 Have you any idea what a 'psycho', as you so eloquently put it, is? 300 00:21:55,732 --> 00:22:00,191 Course I have. He's a geezer that dresses up in his mother's clothes. 301 00:22:29,928 --> 00:22:36,438 Bloody hell's bells. Rodney, Grandad, come out here quick, bring some rope. 302 00:22:39,318 --> 00:22:44,118 Yeah, so then, right, I grabbed the axe out of his hand and I cracked him good and hard on the jaw, 303 00:22:44,295 --> 00:22:45,629 so obviously he went down right. 304 00:22:45,807 --> 00:22:49,407 Then I tied him up good and tight and we bundled him into the back of the van. 305 00:22:49,578 --> 00:22:52,024 Good work lad. You say you captured him single handed? 306 00:22:52,200 --> 00:23:01,336 Yeah. Well, no, Del, my brother, back at the cottage he helped a bit. 307 00:23:01,561 --> 00:23:03,558 You're too modest, Rodney. 308 00:23:04,315 --> 00:23:05,834 Well, there could be a medal in this. 309 00:23:07,355 --> 00:23:08,382 Well. 310 00:23:08,858 --> 00:23:11,699 Right, get ready lads, this one could be a handful. 311 00:23:16,464 --> 00:23:18,170 Is this some kind of joke? 312 00:23:19,383 --> 00:23:20,257 What d'you mean? 313 00:23:20,438 --> 00:23:22,084 This is no escaped lunatic. 314 00:23:22,254 --> 00:23:23,884 This is Tome Witton, the gamekeeper. 315 00:23:24,314 --> 00:23:26,917 And you shouldn't have gagged him like that, he suffers from asthma. 316 00:23:29,054 --> 00:23:34,440 Now hold on a minute - the Chief of Security from the Institution itself said it was him. 317 00:23:34,632 --> 00:23:36,123 What Chief of Security? 318 00:23:36,338 --> 00:23:41,926 What's his name? Robson. I mean, you can ask him yourself, he's back at the cottage with Del. 319 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,362 Chief Robson is not at the cottage - he's at the hospital. 320 00:23:45,831 --> 00:23:51,598 The escaped man hit him on the head then stole his uniform and his identity papers. 321 00:23:53,929 --> 00:23:55,744 Well, I still reckon we should have gone with 'em. 322 00:23:55,928 --> 00:23:58,568 No. It was imperative that I made out my report immediately. 323 00:23:59,106 --> 00:24:03,145 And after all I needed you here with me, you were the one who recaptured him. 324 00:24:03,433 --> 00:24:05,975 Well, yeah, I suppose, yeah. 325 00:24:06,574 --> 00:24:08,580 Hey, what do you say we have a nice little drink to celebrate, eh? 326 00:24:09,966 --> 00:24:13,248 The old weather's clearing up nicely. Look at that, it's a full moon. 327 00:24:19,717 --> 00:24:20,993 There you go, Chief... 328 00:24:21,505 --> 00:24:28,214 Excuse me. Yes, hello. Hello ...Rodders, did you get there all right... 329 00:24:37,069 --> 00:24:39,653 He's what?? 330 00:24:45,521 --> 00:24:52,644 You alright? The Chief's just standing there, you know, examining his axe... 331 00:24:55,097 --> 00:24:59,382 Yeah, alright then. You'll hurry back won't you? Alright goodbye. 332 00:25:05,207 --> 00:25:07,823 Just phoned up to tell us he got here alright. 333 00:25:08,561 --> 00:25:12,539 - Good. Do you like fish? - What? 334 00:25:12,715 --> 00:25:14,486 Do you like fish?? 335 00:25:14,738 --> 00:25:16,857 Oh yeah, yeah, little bit of salt an' vinegar, they're lovely. 336 00:25:17,514 --> 00:25:25,075 I only like living fish. Fish that swim in the rivers and the seas. I don't like people that kill them. 337 00:25:25,268 --> 00:25:27,838 No, no, no, don't like that sort myself either. 338 00:25:28,005 --> 00:25:29,770 But I saw fishing rods on your van. 339 00:25:29,939 --> 00:25:32,609 No, no, no, they didn't belong to me, they belong to my brother and Grandad. 340 00:25:32,794 --> 00:25:35,859 I mean, I keep telling them. I beg 'em not to hurt the poor little fishies. 341 00:25:36,019 --> 00:25:37,726 I mean, I only come down here for the fresh air. 342 00:25:44,486 --> 00:25:46,231 Do you like snooker? 343 00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:50,732 - Snooker? - Yes. 344 00:25:51,526 --> 00:25:53,164 - Do you? - Oh yes. 345 00:25:53,351 --> 00:25:54,873 So do I. It's triffic innit? 346 00:25:56,005 --> 00:26:00,418 - Shall we play a game? - Of snooker? 347 00:26:00,598 --> 00:26:01,939 Yes. 348 00:26:02,302 --> 00:26:05,089 Yeah, yeah, alright. I'll tell you what. 349 00:26:05,543 --> 00:26:07,949 I'll jut pop out to the shed at the bottom of the garden 350 00:26:08,101 --> 00:26:10,793 'cos I think I remember seeing a snooker table in there. 351 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:17,462 No need, we'll use this one here. 352 00:26:22,777 --> 00:26:24,791 What you mean this one here, you mean? 353 00:26:24,966 --> 00:26:25,955 Yes. 354 00:26:26,218 --> 00:26:27,520 Yeah, yeah okay. 355 00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:34,243 Is that a police helicopter? 356 00:26:34,444 --> 00:26:35,846 No, you're alight. 357 00:26:36,181 --> 00:26:37,754 It's Barratts!! 358 00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:48,923 Good. You can break. 359 00:26:52,029 --> 00:26:58,297 Um, I tell you what, why don't I put that somewhere safe? 360 00:26:58,769 --> 00:27:02,507 Because you won't be able to hold yer cue properly with that in your hand, will you? 361 00:27:07,358 --> 00:27:11,071 No, I suppose you're right. 362 00:27:11,246 --> 00:27:14,365 Yeah, course I am. You know it makes sense. 363 00:27:18,592 --> 00:27:20,666 Which cue would you like? 364 00:27:32,739 --> 00:27:33,861 I'll have this one. 365 00:27:34,025 --> 00:27:35,953 Good, this is my favourite. 366 00:27:38,329 --> 00:27:40,432 Yeah, you can see it's a good 'un, can't you? 367 00:27:42,016 --> 00:27:44,498 I'm not very good at snooker. I always lose. 368 00:27:44,859 --> 00:27:46,515 I've got a feeling you're gonna win this one. 369 00:27:46,690 --> 00:27:52,561 I hope not. I don't like winning. My father used to force me to win at everything I did. 370 00:27:53,132 --> 00:27:58,522 But people challenge winners. You become vulnerable, you feel open to attack. 371 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,157 - Do you know the feeling? - Yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. 372 00:28:02,996 --> 00:28:07,793 But losers are anonymous. No one wants to challenge a loser. 373 00:28:08,964 --> 00:28:14,521 There's something comforting in defeat. I really like losing. 374 00:28:17,249 --> 00:28:23,286 Do you? Well, what do you say we make this game a little more interesting? 375 00:28:24,318 --> 00:28:26,239 Shall we play for a tenner a frame? 376 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:27,999 Alright. 377 00:28:29,233 --> 00:28:32,800 Got a feeling that this weekend is not going to be a total loss after all. 378 00:28:33,356 --> 00:28:34,695 - Sorry? - Nothing. 379 00:28:35,134 --> 00:28:37,593 Got the chalk? Thanks. 380 00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:50,264 subtitles by NVL