1
00:00:44,181 --> 00:00:46,724
Yeah. So, right I said to her,
I said, 'Bernice'...I said...

2
00:00:47,102 --> 00:00:48,514
That her name is it?

3
00:00:49,411 --> 00:00:52,792
Bernice! Yeah,
Trigger, that's why I called her Bernice, you know.

4
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:53,793
Right!

5
00:00:53,964 --> 00:00:57,168
I said, 'Don't play with me
girl 'cos you are playing with fire.

6
00:00:57,651 --> 00:00:59,894
I said, 'Don't you dare
try an' tie me down!

7
00:01:00,665 --> 00:01:02,374
She's into all that, is she?

8
00:01:03,991 --> 00:01:06,428
...No, Trigger, I meant in a,
you know, spiritual sort of way!

9
00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:10,273
I mean she's not - no -
see, 'cos I'm a free agent Trigger.

10
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:14,629
Wherever I lay my hat, right, that's my home!
That's the sort of guy I am.

11
00:01:14,923 --> 00:01:18,908
Yeah...You got a hat now then
have you Dave?

12
00:01:21,518 --> 00:01:24,564
No, no, Trigger it's a saying.
You know. Anyway -

13
00:01:24,868 --> 00:01:25,996
I had a hat once!

14
00:01:26,271 --> 00:01:29,188
Yeah? So I could see she was
upset you know.

15
00:01:29,362 --> 00:01:31,203
Someone nicked it at a party!

16
00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:35,388
Really? Yeah, well... She was
crying, begging me not to leave her.

17
00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:41,263
And my return ticket in the brim.
I had to walk all the way home from Plumstead!

18
00:01:43,076 --> 00:01:45,578
I'm gonna phone Del and see if
he can come down for a drink.

19
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:47,897
What colour was your hat, Dave?

20
00:01:48,665 --> 00:01:50,498
- Pink!
- Same here!

21
00:01:53,145 --> 00:01:53,976
Sorry!

22
00:01:55,263 --> 00:02:00,168
You will be if it happens
again sonny. Trigger!

23
00:02:01,534 --> 00:02:06,457
Oh! Er, watcha Roy! Long time, eh?

24
00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:11,781
What brings you round this way, I thought you were
stationed in West London.

25
00:02:11,954 --> 00:02:15,566
I missed you all didn’t I?
I got meself transferred back to the old parish.

26
00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:24,884
And it's not Roy any more. You can call me
Mr Slater, Detective Inspector Slater, or just plain sir!

27
00:02:25,527 --> 00:02:26,484
Mine's a large scotch!

28
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:27,443
Right!

29
00:02:27,641 --> 00:02:28,808
A large scotch, love.

30
00:02:29,781 --> 00:02:31,432
Know anything about a microwave
oven?

31
00:02:31,614 --> 00:02:33,748
No, I'm no good with electrics
and that!

32
00:02:34,358 --> 00:02:36,272
I'm not asking you to mend the
bleedin' thing am I!

33
00:02:36,428 --> 00:02:38,501
I'm talk-ing a stolen microwave oven!

34
00:02:39,402 --> 00:02:43,078
Someone lifted one off the
back of a lorry in Lewisham Grove earlier on!

35
00:02:43,355 --> 00:02:45,702
Yeah? Tch, Some people!

36
00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:49,981
Yeah, some people! So, what
are you up to these days Trigger?

37
00:02:51,095 --> 00:02:54,891
- Still doing a double-act with Monkey Harris?
- No, I ain't seen Monkey for ages.

38
00:02:55,097 --> 00:02:58,131
- And what about Boycie?
- Dunno, I ain't seen him for years!

39
00:02:58,326 --> 00:03:00,845
Really! And how about my favourite man?

40
00:03:01,518 --> 00:03:03,349
How's good old Del Boy keeping?

41
00:03:03,522 --> 00:03:05,783
Haven't a clue, I ain't seen
him for a long time!

42
00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:08,091
No, you ain't seen much of
anything lately, have yer?

43
00:03:08,292 --> 00:03:09,947
You ought to eat more carrots, Trig!

44
00:03:12,329 --> 00:03:15,140
Well upon my soul! It's Boycie!

45
00:03:17,481 --> 00:03:20,985
Oh! Hello Roy. What a nice
surprise!

46
00:03:21,124 --> 00:03:23,459
And what a coincidence as well!

47
00:03:25,635 --> 00:03:28,713
That you two should happen to
be drinking in the same pub!

48
00:03:29,072 --> 00:03:31,261
I mean, how long is it since you
last saw Trigger?

49
00:03:32,523 --> 00:03:34,508
Ooh, er, it must be...

50
00:03:34,809 --> 00:03:37,946
...at least two months.

51
00:03:38,108 --> 00:03:39,130
Trigger said years!

52
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:41,199
Oh, yeah now you come to
mention it, it must be two years!

53
00:03:41,359 --> 00:03:42,859
Time does fly, don't it?

54
00:03:43,546 --> 00:03:48,896
Certainly does! Seems like
only yesterday I was pounding the beat around here.

55
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:51,917
They were the good old days weren't
they, eh?

56
00:03:54,852 --> 00:03:58,946
- Triffic.
- Great.

57
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,226
How's Marlene these days?

58
00:04:01,913 --> 00:04:03,052
Oh, you know, still the same!

59
00:04:03,292 --> 00:04:04,211
Is she?

60
00:04:04,818 --> 00:04:10,541
Dear, dear, dear.... I heard
that you're dabbling in the video game!

61
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,613
Oh yeah. It's just a side-line,
you know.

62
00:04:15,461 --> 00:04:18,308
I heard a whisper that your
flogging pirate tapes.

63
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:22,938
Yeah, Treasure Island, Mutiny
on the Bounty.

64
00:04:27,239 --> 00:04:29,887
I'm surprised to hear Del
Boy's still at the same place.

65
00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:33,999
Yeah, still there! Oh, he's er
thinking of moving though.

66
00:04:34,165 --> 00:04:35,615
Emigrating actually.

67
00:04:36,082 --> 00:04:41,729
Emigrating? Yes, I bet these developing nations
must be crying out for fly-pitchers!

68
00:04:43,915 --> 00:04:45,868
Well, I must be off!

69
00:04:46,277 --> 00:04:50,217
So soon? After all these years I'd have thought
you two would have a lot to talk about!

70
00:04:50,927 --> 00:04:54,794
Yeah, well, we do, but, uh, I
have just seen a business acquaintance of mine.

71
00:04:55,697 --> 00:04:58,579
Hello Rodney! Well, see yer Roy.

72
00:04:58,912 --> 00:05:09,162
Yeah, see yer Boycie. Give my love to Marlene!
Everyone else used to!...Rodney?

73
00:05:09,763 --> 00:05:11,590
Weren't Del's kid brother called
Rodney?

74
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,096
Oh, I don't know Mr Slater.

75
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:16,057
No, you're deaf, dumb and
blind these days ain't yer!

76
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,141
I bet you're a wizard on the
pinball machine!

77
00:05:19,616 --> 00:05:22,773
Hello Rodney. Nice to see you
again!

78
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,431
Boycie! I was talking with you
last night!

79
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:29,528
Oh, were you, oh yeah, of
course you were. Memory must be slipping.

80
00:05:29,748 --> 00:05:33,348
Well, take care
of yourself, see you around!

81
00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:35,459
Yeah, see yer Boycie!

82
00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:42,815
Don't tell me... You're Del
Boy's brother Rodney! Am I right?

83
00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:47,906
I was at school with Del, sat
next to him in class.

84
00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:49,795
Haven't seen you since you was a little nipper.

85
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,515
Really? What's your name?

86
00:05:52,013 --> 00:05:54,026
Detec...Roy, Roy Slater!

87
00:05:54,808 --> 00:05:57,291
Roy Slater? No, no, I can't
recall him mentioning it.

88
00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:58,809
Perhaps he called you by a
nickname?

89
00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,736
Yeah, knowing Del that's about it!

90
00:06:02,859 --> 00:06:05,030
Well I'm away now Mr. Slater.

91
00:06:05,710 --> 00:06:09,983
Behave yourself Trigger. Well,
well, well...

92
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,876
What is up with everyone today?

93
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,500
They've been at the booze,
ain't they?

94
00:06:18,649 --> 00:06:23,726
So - fancy bumping in to you!
Shame Del Boy couldn't have made it.

95
00:06:24,389 --> 00:06:26,197
Well d'you know I've just this
minute come off the phone to him.

96
00:06:26,571 --> 00:06:27,981
He was coming down for a
swift one

97
00:06:28,147 --> 00:06:31,330
but he got involved with a bit off business,
something to do with a microwave oven...

98
00:06:31,486 --> 00:06:36,455
Is that right? Well, I'd loved
to have met him again.

99
00:06:37,091 --> 00:06:38,702
It'd have been a real surprise for him!

100
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,905
Well, I tell you what, why don't you come back
to the flat and have a beer?

101
00:06:42,296 --> 00:06:44,862
Could I? Oh, Well that would
be smashing!

102
00:06:45,325 --> 00:06:47,065
Yeah, yeah, I'll go and give
him a bell.

103
00:06:47,214 --> 00:06:49,390
No! You'll spoil the surprise!

104
00:06:50,056 --> 00:06:54,081
Oh yeah...Hey, I can't wait to see his face
when you come through the door, eh?

105
00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:59,197
It'll be a picture Rodney,
It'll be a picture!

106
00:07:06,263 --> 00:07:08,215
I mean, I don't ask much of
you, do I?

107
00:07:08,371 --> 00:07:10,879
But even when I ask you to do the simplest things
you let me down!

108
00:07:11,024 --> 00:07:12,168
Oh shuddup!

109
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,777
She won't wanna know me
know will she, not after last night!

110
00:07:15,938 --> 00:07:17,088
I ain't bothered!

111
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:21,969
I invited her all the way over from Canning Town
for a nice quiet intimate candlelit dinner.

112
00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:26,014
And all I asked you to do was to put the box
of wine in the fridge

113
00:07:26,144 --> 00:07:30,881
and my tub of Neapolitan ice-cream in the
freezer. But no, you get that arse about face, don't you?

114
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:37,034
So come nine o' clock, all I could offer her
was a bowl of gunge and a Beaujolais ice lolly!

115
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:42,213
Ruined my entire
evening it did! What are you doing?

116
00:07:42,609 --> 00:07:45,018
I'm trying to get 'The Dukes of
Hazzard!'

117
00:07:49,447 --> 00:07:54,344
The 'Dukes of Hazzard!' This
is a microwave oven you dozy old twonk!

118
00:07:55,327 --> 00:07:59,079
Gordon Bennett, you'll be putting frozen
pizzas into the portable next!

119
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:04,864
Come out of the way, will yer! You're lucky you didn't
barbecue yourself! Now just leave it alone!

120
00:08:06,412 --> 00:08:09,574
Hey Del, guess who I met down
the pub?

121
00:08:09,904 --> 00:08:12,230
Well, whoever she is, don't
invite her back here for dinner!

122
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,101
No, it's one of your old school
mates!

123
00:08:15,744 --> 00:08:18,779
Hello Del Boy, long time, eh?

124
00:08:21,227 --> 00:08:24,998
- Slater!!
- In all me glory!

125
00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:28,561
- I told you he'd be surprised didn't I?
- Yeah!!

126
00:08:29,772 --> 00:08:33,299
- Is this your Grandad?
- No that's the au-pair innit!

127
00:08:34,943 --> 00:08:42,419
Watcha Grandad. You wouldn't remember me, Roy Slater, I
used to be in Del's class at school.

128
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:45,570
Well, well, that's a turn up
for the book innit Del Boy?

129
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,352
Yeah, innit just?

130
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,921
Rodney, get Roy one of them
lagers in the fridge.

131
00:08:51,091 --> 00:08:52,191
Yeah, right!

132
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,458
Yeah, well, I'll just, er, yeah,
I'll just give Rodney a hand. You carry on.

133
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:02,866
What the bloody hell are you
trying to do to me? Don't you know who that is?

134
00:09:03,285 --> 00:09:04,577
Yeah, he said he was an old
mate!

135
00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:08,245
He's not an old mate - he's an Old Bill!
And when I say an Old Bill - I mean an Old Bill!

136
00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:11,216
That geezer out there'd nick
you for anything you did!

137
00:09:11,372 --> 00:09:13,878
In fact, he'd nick you for anything you didn't do
and he wouldn't let a silly thing

138
00:09:14,042 --> 00:09:15,626
like innocence get in the way!

139
00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:17,712
I didn't have a clue, Del. I swear!

140
00:09:18,662 --> 00:09:23,626
You Wally! Alright, alright!
We gotta play this nice and cagey!

141
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:28,599
Now listen, you've gotta, be careful what you say
to him, because that fella in there,

142
00:09:28,743 --> 00:09:31,367
he collects informers
the way other people collect stamps.

143
00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:33,334
He's got a few grasses - has he?

144
00:09:33,483 --> 00:09:36,453
No he ain't got a few grasses
Rodney - he's got an entire lawn!

145
00:09:38,158 --> 00:09:43,046
Right, when you go back in there, only speak when you
are spoken to, and then keep it down to a simple yes or no!

146
00:09:43,181 --> 00:09:48,216
Think before you blink, If God's smiling on us, we might
just get away with it, Alright? Get them beers.

147
00:09:48,419 --> 00:09:50,590
Does it cook as quickly as
they claim?

148
00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:53,174
Oh, I - I don't know so much
about that.

149
00:09:53,913 --> 00:09:55,514
We ain't used it yet.

150
00:09:55,788 --> 00:10:00,842
No? That's strange, it feels
hot.

151
00:10:01,592 --> 00:10:05,077
Yeah, well here y'are, come and cool
your fingers down on this Roy me boy!

152
00:10:05,227 --> 00:10:08,534
There you go.
And how's the police force treating you?

153
00:10:08,722 --> 00:10:09,824
Police??

154
00:10:10,023 --> 00:10:15,166
Not too bad. Got promoted a
while back, I'm Detective Inspector now.

155
00:10:15,305 --> 00:10:23,101
Oh, congratulations. A few years from now you could be
advertising tyres! How's the family?

156
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:29,344
I don't see much of 'em these
days Del. The Old man's still not talking to me.

157
00:10:29,535 --> 00:10:32,318
No, well, he's probably still
got the needle over that time you nicked him!

158
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,352
He nicked his own father??

159
00:10:35,514 --> 00:10:39,529
I had no choice! If there had
been a way of avoiding it I would have.

160
00:10:40,211 --> 00:10:46,525
But his rear light was defective!
I mean what else could I do?

161
00:10:47,107 --> 00:10:50,412
It's true, he'd only borrowed
the bike to go down the fish shop an' all!

162
00:10:52,794 --> 00:10:55,941
That's right! It was just a
twist of fate.

163
00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,132
But you've gotta understand,
at the time I was young and keen.

164
00:11:00,762 --> 00:11:05,023
Now that I'm older and more
experienced, I regret doing it!

165
00:11:05,383 --> 00:11:08,583
Leave it out Slater. You've
never regretted a nick in your life!

166
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:15,253
Now that's not fair Del! You're judging me
by the Roy Slater that you used to know.

167
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,159
But I've changed in lots of
ways.

168
00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:24,690
Things that were important to me
in the past mean nothing now.

169
00:11:26,124 --> 00:11:29,926
I used to be enthusiastic, career minded,
but what've you got at the end of the day?

170
00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:35,179
You've won your stripes -
and lost your friends.

171
00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:39,711
Oh come on Roy. You didn't
lose your friends!

172
00:11:40,419 --> 00:11:41,078
No?

173
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:43,809
You didn't have any to lose in
the first place!

174
00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:49,015
Yeah, I suppose you're right!

175
00:11:50,447 --> 00:11:56,726
Del, maybe one evening - if you're not too busy –
we could have a couple of beers together?

176
00:11:57,952 --> 00:12:00,713
Yeah, well, see how it goes
shall we?

177
00:12:02,168 --> 00:12:12,240
Yeah, alright, thanks for the drink.
Nice seeing you all again...I'll see myself out.

178
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,107
Oh, by the way, you're all
under arrest!

179
00:12:21,049 --> 00:12:25,709
Yes, sir...Oh yes, well, thank you very much sir,
very nice of you to say so...

180
00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:32,196
well I can only have them for receiving,
sir, but one of them's an old mate

181
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:38,042
and I get the feeling that if I treat him nicely
enough he might be - persuaded –

182
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:43,301
to volunteer the name of the real thief...
Oh yes sir, you know me sir,

183
00:12:43,465 --> 00:12:48,963
I play everything by the
book, sir. Well, there's three of them actually, sir.

184
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,707
Yes, I arrested them single-handed!

185
00:12:55,076 --> 00:12:58,444
Well I don't think of the
danger, sir, I simply see it as my duty!

186
00:13:01,495 --> 00:13:04,537
Well, I'll get back to your
sir, as soon as I've got some information.

187
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:11,801
Okay sir...Thank you very much, sir. 
Thank you once again, sir. Okay, sir.

188
00:13:12,772 --> 00:13:18,607
Bye for now, sir.
Do you know who that was?

189
00:13:19,408 --> 00:13:20,823
The wife?

190
00:13:24,218 --> 00:13:26,505
That was the assistant commissioner.

191
00:13:27,186 --> 00:13:30,202
You wanna be a bit more
careful about your health son.

192
00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:37,116
In the last 'alf hour you've done so much boot-licking you
could be going down with cherry blossom poisoning!

193
00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:41,540
Have you informed them of their
rights, Constable?

194
00:13:41,758 --> 00:13:42,731
Oh yes sir!

195
00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:46,121
Yeah, and I demand the right
to phone my solicitor!

196
00:13:46,299 --> 00:13:47,570
Sit down and behave yourself!

197
00:13:47,741 --> 00:13:49,697
I'm saying nothing 'til I've
phoned my solicitor.

198
00:13:49,865 --> 00:13:51,271
Go'n then! phone your
solicitor!

199
00:13:51,428 --> 00:13:53,158
I haven't got a solicitor!

200
00:13:53,954 --> 00:13:55,808
Well don't waste my bloody
time then!

201
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,217
Just calm down will yer! Just
calm down.

202
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:03,822
Now listen Slater, I think I've find a way in
which we can clear this mess up.

203
00:14:04,315 --> 00:14:07,294
What, you tell me the name of
the person that nicked the microwave?

204
00:14:07,975 --> 00:14:12,382
No, I give you 50 quid and you
let us go!

205
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:14,703
I didn't hear that Del!

206
00:14:15,961 --> 00:14:17,717
I said, I give you 50 quid...

207
00:14:20,220 --> 00:14:21,679
Did you hear that Hoskins?

208
00:14:21,863 --> 00:14:23,689
Oh yes sir, loud and clear.

209
00:14:24,371 --> 00:14:30,230
Oh, you really are a star Del
Boy, you really are a star!

210
00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:36,229
You are now down for receiving stolen goods
and attempting to bribe a police officer!

211
00:14:36,394 --> 00:14:38,071
You never complained about it
before.

212
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,288
Did you hear that Hoskins?

213
00:14:39,495 --> 00:14:41,231
Er, sorry, sir. Miles away!

214
00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:48,490
Right, who 'alf inched the
microwave? Was it Trigger?

215
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,277
Come along gentlemen, I want a
name!

216
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:53,592
We found it, didn't we Rodney?

217
00:14:54,677 --> 00:14:58,979
Yeah, yeah - down the market!
This bloke, sort of dropped it!

218
00:15:00,598 --> 00:15:03,937
Oh, he dropped it did he?
Didn't you call after him?

219
00:15:05,681 --> 00:15:07,647
Well yeah, but he was a bit
mutton, wasn't he.

220
00:15:08,670 --> 00:15:13,524
Oh, I see, Well that explains it!

221
00:15:14,116 --> 00:15:17,702
I just wish you'd have told me earlier,
it would have saved us all this trouble!

222
00:15:19,598 --> 00:15:20,935
It's easily done constable.

223
00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:24,274
You're walking along the street,
your mind on other things,

224
00:15:24,705 --> 00:15:28,199
you take your handkerchief out of your pocket and,
bang, you're microwave falls out.

225
00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:32,913
Take these two down the
corridor and put them in separate rooms!

226
00:15:33,498 --> 00:15:40,334
I'll be along later to get their descriptions
of this stone-deaf villain! And, oi! No conferring!

227
00:15:40,917 --> 00:15:42,935
It's bleedin' starters for ten
now!

228
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:53,915
I see Boycie's selling pirate
videos now!

229
00:15:54,134 --> 00:15:56,365
Ye...Is he?

230
00:15:57,427 --> 00:15:59,401
Which number in King's
Avenue does he live?

231
00:16:00,112 --> 00:16:03,965
I dunno! But you can't miss his house, it's the one with
the Jolly Roger flying from the chimney!

232
00:16:06,279 --> 00:16:10,415
Oh, that takes me back Del Boy!

233
00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:16,502
D' you remember when we was
kids, Used to go over the pond to play at pirates?

234
00:16:17,464 --> 00:16:25,318
You were Dan Tempest - Trigger was Long
John Silver. And what character did I play Del?

235
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,705
You played the bloke what
walked the plank.

236
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:33,031
Oh, yeah! The bloke that
walked the plank!

237
00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:36,018
I was always the bloke that walked the
plank, wasn't I?

238
00:16:37,744 --> 00:16:41,631
I must have been in and out of that pond
more times than a duck's head.

239
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:45,034
I always wanted to be
Bluebeard!

240
00:16:45,666 --> 00:16:46,848
Well you should have said so!

241
00:16:47,009 --> 00:16:48,915
I did say! But you'd never let
me!

242
00:16:49,087 --> 00:16:50,638
I did - once!

243
00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:54,949
Oh yeah I remember. That was the day Bluebeard
had to walk the plank weren't it?

244
00:16:59,673 --> 00:17:04,203
I tried to be friendly Slater, but you were
such a snide there was no helping you!

245
00:17:04,665 --> 00:17:06,739
You tried to be friendly? Like
when??

246
00:17:06,897 --> 00:17:09,686
Do you remember that time when
all the boys dragged you to the ground,

247
00:17:09,883 --> 00:17:15,432
and Fatty Walker sat on yer face and Trigger
put all that itching powder in your belly button?

248
00:17:16,491 --> 00:17:17,433
...Vaguely!

249
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:20,366
Yeah, well I was the one that
made 'em stop at your belly button!

250
00:17:21,726 --> 00:17:26,220
They were all for having your braces off! And
how did you repay my act of kindness?

251
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:30,052
You caught me behind the bike shed with some bird
and you went and told the headmaster!

252
00:17:30,205 --> 00:17:31,631
It was my sister!

253
00:17:32,097 --> 00:17:34,749
See, you always let personal
feelings creep into it, didn't you?

254
00:17:35,468 --> 00:17:40,581
Right! Down to business! The face that dropped
the microwave oven in the market! What did he look like?

255
00:17:41,380 --> 00:17:43,357
Oh, he was about average height.

256
00:17:43,786 --> 00:17:45,777
He was a great big tall fella!

257
00:17:47,329 --> 00:17:49,181
Oh, he was little more than a
dwarf!

258
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,173
- Age?
- About 25.

259
00:17:52,851 --> 00:17:56,706
- Middle fifties!
- He was just a kid!

260
00:17:57,595 --> 00:17:59,159
What about his ethnic group?

261
00:18:00,659 --> 00:18:02,741
Well, I didn't notice anyone
with him!

262
00:18:05,154 --> 00:18:08,883
- No, I mean was he Caucasian?
- No he was a white fella!

263
00:18:10,501 --> 00:18:12,114
He was African, I think!

264
00:18:20,043 --> 00:18:22,086
- Is he allowed to keep us here this long?
- No.

265
00:18:22,992 --> 00:18:24,571
- Does that mean we can go then?
- No.

266
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:26,752
Triffic!

267
00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:30,003
Well, you shouldn't get yourself 
involved with hooky gear should you!

268
00:18:31,013 --> 00:18:37,438
No, no, you're absolutely right young Terry!
How's that gas fire I sold yer Mum, alright is it?

269
00:18:37,859 --> 00:18:39,650
Oh, er, yeah, cheers Del!

270
00:18:40,338 --> 00:18:43,790
Look, why don't you do yourself a favour
and give him the name of the bloke?

271
00:18:44,187 --> 00:18:49,895
He'll get it out of you in the end, he
always does! Slater's a nasty piece of work.

272
00:18:50,770 --> 00:18:54,083
The only people that hate him more than the
villains, is us coppers!

273
00:18:56,454 --> 00:19:00,597
Supposing I gave him the
bloke's name, what would happen to him?

274
00:19:03,196 --> 00:19:08,669
See that filing cabinet over
there? That his full to the top with unsolved crimes.

275
00:19:09,209 --> 00:19:11,288
Slater would lay the whole lot
on the bloke.

276
00:19:11,548 --> 00:19:15,262
So after only two weeks at the station he'll
have doubled the conviction rate.

277
00:19:15,624 --> 00:19:18,996
The public are reassured, Slater gets his
promotion,

278
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:24,331
and the Commander takes another step
closer to his CBE! And everybody's happy!

279
00:19:24,727 --> 00:19:29,241
All except the poor sod who's gone down the Kermit!
Na, I'm not gonna tell him nothing.

280
00:19:29,738 --> 00:19:34,450
Well watch out for him, Del,
he's got no scruples, he'll try anything!

281
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,341
Alright Hoskins, you can 
 have yer supper break now.

282
00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:39,681
Oh, thank you very much, sir.

283
00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:41,687
Shame the canteen's just closed innit?

284
00:19:46,464 --> 00:19:47,932
Sorry Del, did you want a cup of tea?

285
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:50,014
No, it's all right, Slater, I
had one yesterday!

286
00:19:57,982 --> 00:20:02,104
Sorry, Del Boy. I'm just reading these descriptions
of the Phantom of the Market!

287
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,050
Oh, it's good, Del. It's good!

288
00:20:06,266 --> 00:20:15,060
According to you and your family, we are looking
for a 6ft 7in dwarf, aged between 15 and 50,

289
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:21,685
a white male with oriental features, who's as
black as Newgate's knocker!

290
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:24,703
And, oh yeah, he wears a deafaid!

291
00:20:26,637 --> 00:20:28,521
Not a lot to go on inspector!

292
00:20:30,679 --> 00:20:33,946
If I was to take this lot into
court I could have you for perjury as well!

293
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:38,394
I've just found this in our
records department.

294
00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:40,423
I hope it's Barry Manilow!

295
00:20:42,101 --> 00:20:44,408
No, it's not Barry Manilow Del!

296
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:53,732
It says here Criminal file
number 94628/A76. Name: Trotter! Rodney!

297
00:20:55,382 --> 00:21:01,941
Now, listen Sla - Roy. Now, just –
here now come on. Let's leave Rodney out of this, eh?

298
00:21:02,614 --> 00:21:05,376
He was a right little scallywag at
that art school weren't he?

299
00:21:06,681 --> 00:21:10,115
Caught in some tart's room
puffing a Moroccan Woodbine.

300
00:21:10,591 --> 00:21:12,247
Now listen, he was innocent!

301
00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:14,871
Well, not according to this he
weren't!

302
00:21:15,170 --> 00:21:17,554
He only went down to her room
to borrow some charcoal!

303
00:21:18,867 --> 00:21:24,783
Whatever he was smoking when
the police burst in, it weren't charcoal Del!

304
00:21:25,914 --> 00:21:29,793
Now, I wonder what would happen if,
horror of horrors,

305
00:21:30,486 --> 00:21:35,458
I was to discover an illegal substance
in one of Rodney's pockets.

306
00:21:36,737 --> 00:21:40,576
Leave it out Slater - you know
Rodney's got nothing in his pockets!

307
00:21:40,748 --> 00:21:42,086
That's soon remedied.

308
00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:44,682
I see, and what are you gonna
stitch Grandad up with, eh?

309
00:21:44,961 --> 00:21:52,003
Found in possession of a forged bus-pass, or demanding
protection money from the local Derby and Joan club?

310
00:21:53,085 --> 00:21:55,848
Oh no, I'll see that Grandad's
kept out of this.

311
00:21:56,681 --> 00:22:04,159
And while you and Rodney are away sewing
mail bags - Grandad'll be back on the estate...Alone!

312
00:22:05,706 --> 00:22:08,170
Just what is that supposed to
mean?

313
00:22:08,541 --> 00:22:10,588
Dangerous places them estates
Del!

314
00:22:11,329 --> 00:22:15,584
I do hope Grandad doesn't fall victim
to the mindless filth that walks our streets!

315
00:22:16,267 --> 00:22:18,334
I thought you drove everywhere
nowadays.

316
00:22:19,815 --> 00:22:23,453
Listen to me Slater - I know a lot of coppers
and they're all good blokes.

317
00:22:23,829 --> 00:22:26,025
I mean, I don't like 'em, but
they play a fair game.

318
00:22:26,672 --> 00:22:29,872
And then there's you, you dirty
stinking...

319
00:22:30,222 --> 00:22:35,959
Steady Del! I don't want to have to add
abusive language to your ever growing list of offences!

320
00:22:36,108 --> 00:22:38,148
I might not have room
on the charge sheet!

321
00:22:39,015 --> 00:22:42,930
You and young Rodney are going down
for at least a year apiece!

322
00:22:43,081 --> 00:22:47,074
Unless you give me the name of
the mush who nicked the microwave.

323
00:22:47,228 --> 00:22:49,054
Oh, leave it out Slater. You
know I can't do that.

324
00:22:49,227 --> 00:22:53,700
It's against my principles! My Mum'd turn in her grave
if she knew I'd become a copper's nark!

325
00:22:53,861 --> 00:22:56,202
Well, you're gonna have a lot
of time to think about your principles!

326
00:22:56,466 --> 00:23:00,087
I hope the porridge ain't too lumpy!
I'll get the charge sheets typed up.

327
00:23:03,409 --> 00:23:10,054
Now, just a minute - Roy.
Let's not be hasty! I think we can make a deal.

328
00:23:10,798 --> 00:23:11,826
I don't like deals!

329
00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:13,244
You're gonna like this one!

330
00:23:14,358 --> 00:23:21,140
If I give you the name of the bloke that stole that oven,
you let Rodney and Grandad go - no charges.

331
00:23:23,371 --> 00:23:25,211
Yeah, alright. I'll let them go.

332
00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:28,100
And you'll also drop all
charges against me!

333
00:23:28,585 --> 00:23:30,836
Oh come on Del, I'm looking
forward to that!

334
00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:34,889
You don't seem to understand
what I'm saying Slater!

335
00:23:36,225 --> 00:23:41,161
Once I give you the name, I'll
be one of your grasses.

336
00:23:44,431 --> 00:23:55,585
Oh Del, Del Boy, that is beautiful!
You would be one of my merry men!

337
00:23:56,571 --> 00:24:02,241
I'd have you in my pocket, I could bounce you
about and make you dance whenever I felt bored!

338
00:24:02,955 --> 00:24:06,966
And if you ever stepped out of line, I'd let it
be known on the streets that you're an informer!

339
00:24:10,026 --> 00:24:11,290
Yeah! I know!

340
00:24:11,916 --> 00:24:16,259
The deal's on my old hoppo.
I'll drop the charges against you, you have my word.

341
00:24:16,421 --> 00:24:21,423
Your Word! Your word means about as much
as the guarantee on that hooky microwave!

342
00:24:22,208 --> 00:24:24,415
No, I want immunity from prosecution.

343
00:24:24,768 --> 00:24:27,825
And I want it in writing and I
want it signed, sealed and delivered.

344
00:24:28,677 --> 00:24:30,744
I'll get it arranged right
away Derek.

345
00:24:31,752 --> 00:24:36,222
Oh, we're gonna have a good future together
you and me, I can feel it.

346
00:24:37,629 --> 00:24:42,102
What's up Del? Cursing the
day you crossed me?

347
00:24:42,912 --> 00:24:46,559
No, I'm cursing the day I made
them stop at your belly button!

348
00:25:05,322 --> 00:25:07,893
Why's he keeping Del Boy in
there?

349
00:25:09,951 --> 00:25:13,548
That's about the 38th time
you've asked me that in the last 'alf hour!

350
00:25:14,230 --> 00:25:17,904
And for the 38th time Grandad,
I'm telling you, I don't know.

351
00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:25,758
I thought he'd just charge Del with receiving, he'd get a
fifty pound fine, and then it would all be forgot about!

352
00:25:26,204 --> 00:25:27,576
That's what I thought!

353
00:25:28,890 --> 00:25:35,313
So did I! So why's he keeping
him in there?

354
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,340
Gawd bless my old brown...
I don't bloody know Grandad.

355
00:25:39,503 --> 00:25:41,215
Well, Rodney...

356
00:25:41,813 --> 00:25:44,001
Look I thought I told you two
you were free to go!

357
00:25:44,683 --> 00:25:46,903
Oh, we thought we'd hang on
for a while.

358
00:25:47,058 --> 00:25:48,370
Yeah, it's good here, innit?

359
00:25:52,581 --> 00:25:54,857
- Still here?
- We're waiting for Del.

360
00:25:55,511 --> 00:25:57,109
Will he be long son?

361
00:25:57,319 --> 00:25:59,741
Only as long as it takes him
to tell me who nicked the microwave.

362
00:26:00,401 --> 00:26:02,302
Better get our heads down till
the morning then!

363
00:26:02,755 --> 00:26:05,994
Oh, no, Del's seen the light.
He's decided to cooperate.

364
00:26:06,911 --> 00:26:09,232
No, you're pulling our legs!

365
00:26:09,541 --> 00:26:12,203
D'you reckon? Why don't you
come in and see for yourself. Come on.

366
00:26:13,735 --> 00:26:15,876
Alright Hoskins, away you go,
canteen's open now.

367
00:26:16,126 --> 00:26:17,521
Oh, thank you very much, sir.

368
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:24,250
There you are, Del Boy, your immunity from prosecution,
signed by the Superintendent himself.

369
00:26:24,407 --> 00:26:26,004
What are you playing at, Del??!!

370
00:26:26,915 --> 00:26:28,050
What're they doing 'ere?

371
00:26:28,656 --> 00:26:33,046
Oh I thought it'd be interesting for them
to see you in your real light.

372
00:26:33,404 --> 00:26:40,250
The Great Del Boy, the man who could talk his way
out of a room with no doors, reduced to this, grassing.

373
00:26:43,946 --> 00:26:49,270
I've gotta tell him Rodney.
He's got me all ends up...I've got no choice.

374
00:26:49,864 --> 00:26:54,324
But you don't know his name
Del. He was just a bloke in the market!

375
00:26:54,674 --> 00:26:55,833
Oh leave it out, Grandad.

376
00:26:56,494 --> 00:26:59,729
If Mr Slater was to believe our descriptions

377
00:27:00,220 --> 00:27:04,618
he'd have his men searching for a someone who's
a cross between Tom Thumb and the Jolly Green Giant!

378
00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:06,972
With a deaf-aid!

379
00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:13,040
With a deaf aid! Rodney, I
wasn't doing it just for myself.

380
00:27:14,056 --> 00:27:17,100
He threatened to plant something on you
and set you up for a bit of bird.!

381
00:27:18,648 --> 00:27:20,299
But, but that's against the law!

382
00:27:20,547 --> 00:27:21,683
Well phone the Police!

383
00:27:24,301 --> 00:27:25,803
Don't tell him Del.

384
00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:27,557
Look, I've got to Rodney.

385
00:27:28,002 --> 00:27:33,356
Otherwise it'll mean you and me will go down the road
and Grandad's gonna be left alone on the estate, see?

386
00:27:35,928 --> 00:27:44,090
I've got no choice, I've got no choice!
Alright Mr. Slater let's get down to business.

387
00:27:44,803 --> 00:27:50,281
Oh Del, Del Boy, those words
are music to my ears.

388
00:27:51,625 --> 00:27:58,479
I will cherish this moment!
Righto Del, who nicked it?

389
00:28:00,530 --> 00:28:01,779
They are free to go ain't they?

390
00:28:01,954 --> 00:28:04,640
Yeah, they're free to go - no
charges, they can leave whenever they like.

391
00:28:05,639 --> 00:28:07,029
OK, give me his name.

392
00:28:08,110 --> 00:28:09,231
You've got nothing on me either?

393
00:28:09,461 --> 00:28:14,066
No! You've got an immunity from prosecution.
You've got less chance of a pull than the Queen.

394
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:15,695
Long as I know.

395
00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:22,557
Right, for the third and last time of asking,
who nicked the microwave off the back of the lorry?

396
00:28:27,585 --> 00:28:29,326
I did!