1 00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:43,641 What d' you reckon then? 2 00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:47,467 They're alright ain't they! Don't 'alf look alike. 3 00:00:47,911 --> 00:00:49,226 They're identical twins! 4 00:00:49,660 --> 00:00:52,123 Yeah, which one d' you fancy? 5 00:00:52,477 --> 00:00:53,487 I'm easy! 6 00:00:56,268 --> 00:00:58,962 Are you sure that's not one bird sitting next to a mirror? 7 00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:04,777 No they're sisters or something, they've been here before! G'on then! 8 00:01:06,377 --> 00:01:07,209 What? 9 00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:10,497 - Say something! - What? 10 00:01:12,274 --> 00:01:16,704 - I don't know! Anything! - Like what? 11 00:01:18,074 --> 00:01:20,800 Just say the first thing that comes into your head. It's easy! 12 00:01:24,114 --> 00:01:26,470 Alright then, if it's so easy, you say something. 13 00:01:27,643 --> 00:01:31,313 - What? - Anything. It's easy! 14 00:01:31,712 --> 00:01:33,309 Alright then I will. 15 00:01:34,950 --> 00:01:37,291 - Well go'n then! - I will... 16 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:44,755 There you are. 17 00:01:46,127 --> 00:01:48,768 - Was that it? - Yeah! 18 00:01:52,137 --> 00:01:55,456 You're a right little John Travolta when you get going ain't yer Mickey! 19 00:01:55,631 --> 00:01:56,971 They looked didn't they? 20 00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:58,909 Of course they looked, someone just shouted 'Oi' at them! 21 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,394 Hold up, they're looking over here. 22 00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:06,480 Hello, I think we've cracked it Mickey my son! 23 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:13,504 Watcha Rodders, alright Mickey my son? Who you two after? 24 00:02:14,266 --> 00:02:16,737 - Not the gruesome twosome are you? - They're alright! 25 00:02:17,226 --> 00:02:20,231 Alright? Look, they're so ugly they even look alike! 26 00:02:21,438 --> 00:02:23,729 Del! They happen to be two sisters! 27 00:02:24,071 --> 00:02:25,237 Sisters! 28 00:02:26,554 --> 00:02:29,416 Oi girls, seen much of Cinderella since the wedding? 29 00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:34,889 Cinderella! Ugly sisters. That's a good 'un innit Rodders, eh? 30 00:02:36,045 --> 00:02:39,105 Anyway, look, I won't hang about 'cos I don't wanna spoil your chances! 31 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,202 Hello darling! You alright? Are you still working at Sainsbury's? 32 00:02:42,349 --> 00:02:43,669 See you. Just a minute. 33 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:49,293 - I'll see you Tuesday then? - See you Tuesday! 34 00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:09,929 'You made me love you. I didn't want to do it...' 35 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:13,088 - You okay love? - Who is it? 36 00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:15,189 Shall I phone you a cab? 37 00:03:15,383 --> 00:03:18,361 No - there'll be a bus along in a minute my lovely! 38 00:03:18,814 --> 00:03:21,803 No, no, ain't got no buses going along here. 39 00:03:22,215 --> 00:03:27,236 No, they cut the route in about 1973! I'll get you a nice taxi, eh? 40 00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:30,483 No, no, I shall be alright! 41 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:31,824 Careful! 42 00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:35,284 - What you doing? - I'm just steadying you that's all! 43 00:03:35,868 --> 00:03:37,044 You touched me! 44 00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,184 I've read about your sort! 45 00:03:40,419 --> 00:03:43,464 Hey, hold on, I was just trying to stop you from falling flat on your face! 46 00:03:43,693 --> 00:03:45,793 I'll have the police on you! You touched me. 47 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,054 No, I didn't, honest! 48 00:03:48,324 --> 00:03:51,483 - Help! - What you doing? Don't shout! 49 00:03:51,747 --> 00:03:57,096 - You touched me! - No, no, it's alright 'cos I'm a doctor! 50 00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:06,329 - You're not a doctor! - I am, I am really! Alright, say 'ah!' 51 00:04:08,356 --> 00:04:11,760 No, not that loud! Bloody hell! 52 00:04:13,164 --> 00:04:19,031 Look, I tell you what I'm just going back to the van right, to get a thermometer! Alright listen! 53 00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:24,591 Help, help! Rape! Rape! Help! Help! 54 00:04:30,108 --> 00:04:32,531 Del Boy, your breakfast's ready! 55 00:04:33,191 --> 00:04:34,239 Yeah, hang on a minute! 56 00:04:34,609 --> 00:04:36,720 Come on Rodney shake a leg, six o' clock! 57 00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:38,121 It's on the table. 58 00:04:38,572 --> 00:04:41,284 Nothing like a traditional British breakfast is there? 59 00:04:41,662 --> 00:04:42,394 That's right. 60 00:04:43,969 --> 00:04:49,450 Gordon Bennett. Why don't you try cooking one every now and then? 61 00:04:50,495 --> 00:04:53,373 Blimey, it looks like a bad day at the Blue Cross. 62 00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:58,101 - Were you two alright last night? - Yeah, of course, why? 63 00:04:58,808 --> 00:05:03,235 Well, when Rodney came in he was behaving very strangely. 64 00:05:03,698 --> 00:05:06,006 He was all trembling and sweating. 65 00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:09,708 No, he's probably alright, don't worry, it's just the start of the mating season. 66 00:05:11,482 --> 00:05:14,987 No Del - something's up. Ain’t you eating that? 67 00:05:15,989 --> 00:05:17,537 No, Grandad, see I'm on a diet. 68 00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:23,542 Rodney, your breakfast's ready. 69 00:05:29,849 --> 00:05:32,152 - Alright Rodders? - What d'you mean 'alright?' 70 00:05:33,255 --> 00:05:37,889 - Nothing - nothing, just alright Rodders? - Yeah, fine why shouldn't I be alright? 71 00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,941 No reason. I just said like, alright Rodders. 72 00:05:41,101 --> 00:05:42,833 Like I say, you know, alright every morning don’t I? 73 00:05:43,946 --> 00:05:44,951 Yeah, sorry! 74 00:05:46,307 --> 00:05:50,077 That's alright, what did you do when you left the pub last night? 75 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:53,715 - What makes you think I did something? - Gordon Bennett! 76 00:05:54,207 --> 00:05:57,662 No, I mean, I just asked you like if you went on anywhere? If, you met anyone or anything? 77 00:05:57,917 --> 00:05:59,857 No! No, I didn't. I come straight home. 78 00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:04,196 Didn't meet anyone, didn't talk to anyone, a very uneventful journey! 79 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,171 That's alright, as long as you enjoyed yourself! 80 00:06:06,809 --> 00:06:08,670 Go on, get that down, come on, we've got to get away early. 81 00:06:09,057 --> 00:06:10,475 Got to pick up the van from the Nag's Head. 82 00:06:10,653 --> 00:06:11,558 Why? 83 00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:16,683 Ah, well, when we fell out the pub last night the whole area was teeming with the Old Bill! 84 00:06:17,053 --> 00:06:18,248 I mean, they were all there. 85 00:06:18,409 --> 00:06:23,019 There was the Flying Squad, alsatians and the SGB! 86 00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:26,390 Anyway, I thought to myself, I thought, there's no way I'm driving home through that lot. 87 00:06:26,564 --> 00:06:30,044 Not with me like being as soppy as a sack, so I, you know, I got a cab! 88 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,866 - Did they have a clear description of him? - Who? 89 00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:35,953 - The man they were after? - Who said they were after a man? 90 00:06:37,134 --> 00:06:39,660 Oh, I just assumed they were looking for someone that's all. 91 00:06:40,122 --> 00:06:41,312 See what I mean? 92 00:06:45,251 --> 00:06:48,943 Alright Rodney, come on sit down. Something bothering you ain't there? 93 00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:50,207 No! 94 00:06:50,548 --> 00:06:51,746 Has somebody threatened you? 95 00:06:52,132 --> 00:06:55,090 If they have, you tell me their name and I'll go and sort them out before we go to the market! 96 00:06:57,365 --> 00:06:58,532 It's nothing like that! 97 00:06:59,217 --> 00:07:03,110 You might as well tell us sooner rather than later Rodney. It'll save a lot of time! 98 00:07:05,273 --> 00:07:06,865 Oh it's probably nothing! 99 00:07:09,121 --> 00:07:12,711 My journey home last night was not as uneventful as I made out! 100 00:07:13,942 --> 00:07:14,938 There was this woman! 101 00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:19,711 Well, she weren't feeling very well, see! 102 00:07:19,891 --> 00:07:22,279 I don't know what was wrong with her but she stunk of booze! 103 00:07:23,473 --> 00:07:27,483 So I stopped, right, to ask if she wanted any assistance, and 104 00:07:27,941 --> 00:07:31,813 - and she started acting all sort of odd! - Odd? 105 00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:40,949 - Yeah...Um, screaming shouting things! - What kind of things? 106 00:07:41,623 --> 00:07:47,584 Oh, things like 'Rape!' you know, that sort of thing! 107 00:07:49,743 --> 00:07:55,750 So to try and reassure her and calm her down – I told her I was a doctor! 108 00:07:56,584 --> 00:07:57,688 You told her you were a... 109 00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,259 You, you didn't give her a prescription or nothing did you? 110 00:08:00,624 --> 00:08:01,964 Oh no, nothing like that! 111 00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:05,405 Why was she accusing you of these things? 112 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:10,596 Well, I think 'cos at one point right she - she stumbled forward. 113 00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:13,194 So I put my hands out to stop...you know. 114 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,027 I didn't touch her! 115 00:08:15,404 --> 00:08:20,876 Well no, obviously I did touch her, but I didn't, you know, honestly! 116 00:08:22,365 --> 00:08:26,869 Alright. Alright, okay, take it nice and easy right. 117 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,444 This is gonna take a bit of working out! 118 00:08:31,895 --> 00:08:33,508 What did this woman look like? 119 00:08:34,672 --> 00:08:40,412 Well she was blonde, 45 and her hair had black roots and, 120 00:08:40,743 --> 00:08:44,086 purple fingernails and she was really heavily made-up. 121 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:49,784 - Did she call you 'My lovely? - Yes! D'you know her? 122 00:08:50,874 --> 00:08:55,101 No, no, no, you didn't catch her – you didn't catch her name or nothing did you? 123 00:08:56,446 --> 00:09:02,384 Oh she was wearing an identity necklace that said something like - Blossom... 124 00:09:09,136 --> 00:09:11,621 Del, honestly, I did not touch her I swear to God. 125 00:09:13,749 --> 00:09:18,517 - You expect me to believe that? - Yes! 126 00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,253 Alright, let's go through the facts shall we! 127 00:09:22,307 --> 00:09:27,340 After a night's drinking, on your way home you meet a sick woman! 128 00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:33,324 And, instead of phoning for an ambulance like any rightminded citizen, you touch her! 129 00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:35,960 What do you think you've got, healing hands? 130 00:09:37,621 --> 00:09:39,938 I don't believe you're saying this to me!! 131 00:09:40,152 --> 00:09:41,812 No, no, no, this is not me Rodney! 132 00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:45,556 That is what the council for the prosecution will say during his cross-examination! 133 00:09:46,314 --> 00:09:47,899 You don't think it will go to court? 134 00:09:48,104 --> 00:09:50,087 Oh it's a pound to a penny Rodney. 135 00:09:50,476 --> 00:09:53,412 I mean, the police don't let matters like this drop lightly! 136 00:09:54,389 --> 00:09:59,839 No, Old Bailey would be my bet! The case of the Peckham Pouncer! 137 00:10:01,786 --> 00:10:03,456 Who called me the Peckham Pouncer? 138 00:10:03,652 --> 00:10:07,815 Look, the police did last night! You see at the time, well, I didn't think nothing of it! 139 00:10:08,618 --> 00:10:11,016 Why don't you give yourself up Rodney? 140 00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:13,721 I'm not giving myself up! 141 00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:17,958 You ever seen some of them detectives give someone the third degree on the telly? 142 00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:23,607 Well, one of them pretends he really wants to bet you up bad, right, and the other pretends to be Mr Nice! 143 00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:24,995 So it's...you know. 144 00:10:25,244 --> 00:10:26,291 Yeah p'rhaps you're right. 145 00:10:26,457 --> 00:10:31,770 After all, you've got form ain't yer! I mean, you still ain't finished that two year suspended yet! 146 00:10:33,837 --> 00:10:35,499 No! I'd forgotten about that! 147 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,987 - It's the others what worry me! - What others? 148 00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:44,186 Well, last night there were mobs of vigilantes roaming the street 149 00:10:44,371 --> 00:10:48,263 and they were shouting things like 'Lynch him! Lynch him!’ 150 00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:54,229 At the time, I didn't think nothing of it you know! 151 00:10:55,968 --> 00:11:00,333 Well maybe it would be better if I did give myself up then 'cos all they've got is circumstantial evidence. 152 00:11:00,512 --> 00:11:06,461 Circumstantial? A sick woman is attacked at night by a known criminal posing as a doctor! 153 00:11:10,079 --> 00:11:14,240 D'you know what they'd call me if I went in the nick? I'd be a beast! 154 00:11:16,794 --> 00:11:17,856 A beast? 155 00:11:19,107 --> 00:11:21,247 Well, that's what the other prisoners call people like me! 156 00:11:22,345 --> 00:11:27,529 Everywhere I went the walls would be whispering 'Beast, Beast.' 157 00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:33,657 There'd be posses of them waiting for me in the shower room, there'd be razors in me soap, 158 00:11:33,967 --> 00:11:36,006 there'd be broken glass in me porridge. 159 00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,842 Oh you'll soon learn to adapt Rodney! 160 00:11:42,976 --> 00:11:47,640 No, it's not fair Del! I swear to God I didn't touch her. I was only trying to help! 161 00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:51,708 Alright Rodney, alright. Now come on. Take it easy - relax - alright. 162 00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:53,681 Now listen, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. 163 00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,815 I want to go out, put me ear to the ground, see what I can find out! 164 00:11:55,968 --> 00:12:01,108 In the meantime I want you to go and get some kip and, above all, stop worrying! 165 00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:06,944 Yeah. I'm innocent Del. Honest! 166 00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:13,540 - I believe you! - So do I Rodney! . 167 00:12:26,094 --> 00:12:28,039 D'you reckon he done it Del? 168 00:12:43,009 --> 00:12:46,871 Leave it out Grandad! All he's done, he's bumped into Blossom that's all! 169 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,683 I don't understand you? 170 00:12:48,842 --> 00:12:53,590 Well she's well-known for this sort of thing! She's as nutty as a fruit cake. 171 00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:56,488 She spends most of her time in the Happy Home, 172 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,652 they only let her out at weekends to get a bit of practice! 173 00:13:01,057 --> 00:13:03,829 You mean she's always accusing blokes of doing this sort of thing? 174 00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:09,440 Yeah, it's her hobby! She's well known to the police. 175 00:13:09,677 --> 00:13:11,405 But why didn't you tell young Rodney? 176 00:13:12,364 --> 00:13:15,154 What, and spoil all the fun? No way. 177 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,275 I'm gonna wind him right up with this! 178 00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:23,075 By this time tomorrow evening I'll have him believing that all these flats are under siege! 179 00:13:23,688 --> 00:13:25,240 You wanna be a bit careful Del Boy! 180 00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:27,989 A joke's a joke but you never know when to stop! 181 00:13:28,587 --> 00:13:30,054 What about that April Fool's day! 182 00:13:30,322 --> 00:13:33,381 You told me the pools had rung to say I'd won 'alf a million! 183 00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:37,781 Yeah that was a belter weren't it! 184 00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:43,778 Oh wonderful! But you could have least stopped me going up West with me pension money! 185 00:13:45,954 --> 00:13:47,594 Oh it wasn't funny Del. 186 00:13:48,065 --> 00:13:53,025 I mean there was I, in a Soho night-club drinking champagne, with a bird called Camilla 187 00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:56,838 and I suddenly realised I didn't even do the bloody pools! 188 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,058 Stop it! 189 00:14:11,623 --> 00:14:14,005 You should have seen his little face! It was a picture. 190 00:14:14,248 --> 00:14:15,251 I wish I'd had a camera! 191 00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:17,373 How could he swallow that, eh? 192 00:14:17,589 --> 00:14:18,695 Well, you know Rodney don't you. 193 00:14:18,871 --> 00:14:20,866 He said he was thinking of forming an appeal committee! 194 00:14:21,081 --> 00:14:23,728 I said you've no need to worry about that. You ought to form an escape committee I said. 195 00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:29,945 I thought that everyone round here knew what Old Blossom was like... 196 00:14:30,281 --> 00:14:33,034 - She accused my cousin once! - Who's that, young Sidney? 197 00:14:33,302 --> 00:14:38,059 No, Marilyn! There again, Marilyn's always been a bit of a Tom Boy! 198 00:14:38,332 --> 00:14:41,886 Oh yeah, it was a crew cut, braces and a pipe last time I saw her! 199 00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:45,176 She still up at Greenham Common? Here, you playing Trigger or what? 200 00:14:45,323 --> 00:14:46,633 No, I'll be away in a minute! 201 00:14:47,883 --> 00:14:50,453 Of course, this Blosom person is completely loopy you know! 202 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,480 Oh yes, I don't think they should be allowed out! 203 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:54,570 Oh yeah, why's that? 204 00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:56,253 Well they might be a danger to the public! 205 00:14:57,445 --> 00:14:59,679 Still selling them second-hand cars Boycie? 206 00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:03,415 Oh yeah, I knocked out a couple tod... 207 00:15:07,967 --> 00:15:12,102 of course, I 'ave heard she receives electroyde treatment, you know. 208 00:15:12,435 --> 00:15:16,628 Oh yes, every three months or so they take her away and plug her head into the National Grid! 209 00:15:18,619 --> 00:15:21,220 The lights have been known to dim as far away as Watford! 210 00:15:22,498 --> 00:15:25,212 Yeah but they reckon she's as sane as anyone when they're finished! 211 00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:27,021 Yeah, until she gets her electric bill! 212 00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:31,522 Del - there's a call for you. 213 00:15:31,694 --> 00:15:33,614 Oh excuse me chaps won't be a moment. 214 00:15:34,389 --> 00:15:36,892 Oh Karen, can we have three large scotches - Boycie's paying. 215 00:15:37,075 --> 00:15:38,094 Oh cheers, Boycie. 216 00:15:38,408 --> 00:15:43,108 Hello? Oh hello Grandad! You what... 217 00:15:43,637 --> 00:15:50,168 What about Rodney? What d'you mean he's gone on the run? Why? 218 00:15:51,898 --> 00:15:54,798 Oh leave it off, Grandad it was just a joke! 219 00:15:56,500 --> 00:16:02,251 Yeah alright, alright now don't - don't panic, he'll be home when he's hungry and he wants something to eat... 220 00:16:06,181 --> 00:16:07,247 Oh has he! 221 00:16:08,628 --> 00:16:13,160 Alright, alright Grandad, I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll go and have a look round for him 222 00:16:13,297 --> 00:16:16,747 and I'll be home in about an hour! Yeah, alright, bye. 223 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,168 What's up Del? 224 00:16:22,568 --> 00:16:24,263 It's that dipstick Rodney. 225 00:16:24,931 --> 00:16:29,408 He's only gone on the run ain't he. Reckons he's found a secret hiding place! 226 00:16:29,798 --> 00:16:30,677 Where? 227 00:16:31,193 --> 00:16:32,503 Well how do I know? 228 00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:35,907 If I knew where it was it wouldn't be a secret would it, eh? 229 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,275 No, I meant there must be a clue! 230 00:16:38,902 --> 00:16:40,853 Yeah, well, he left a note saying it's no good trying to find him 231 00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:43,763 'cos he'd be in the last place anyone would think of looking for him! 232 00:16:43,922 --> 00:16:45,473 Have you tried under his bed? 233 00:16:46,581 --> 00:16:48,295 He'll be home as soon as he gets hungry! 234 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:52,228 No he won't, Grandad reckons he's taken all the tinned food from the cupboard! 235 00:16:52,588 --> 00:16:54,040 So, what are you gonna do then Del? 236 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,454 I don't know Trigger, I just don't know! 237 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,032 Ain't you got nothing in the freezer then? 238 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:17,109 - Any luck Del? - Na, no sign of him Grandad! 239 00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:19,854 Where did you look? 240 00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:21,802 I've been everywhere! 241 00:17:22,894 --> 00:17:25,672 I've been traipsing round Charing Cross, Soho, Leicester Square! 242 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,614 Oh, you want to see what it's like up there in the early hours Grandad! 243 00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:34,872 It's like the end of the world! It's full of drug addicts, glue-sniffers, winos! 244 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:41,214 D'you know what, if a nightingale sang now in Berkeley Square someone would eat it! 245 00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:43,891 Bad night, eh Del? 246 00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,348 Yeah, very bad. 247 00:17:46,102 --> 00:17:51,129 You know I've been offered everything from 50 quid for me passport to a plate of Magic Mushrooms! 248 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,630 - You cooking something? - No! 249 00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:57,540 What's that horrible smell then? Sweet and sickly! 250 00:17:58,192 --> 00:18:00,968 Oh, perhaps it's this aftershave I've got on! 251 00:18:02,102 --> 00:18:05,164 Gordon Bennett! Where d'you get that from? 252 00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:06,771 Out of your room! 253 00:18:08,136 --> 00:18:09,893 Well, that can't be it then can it! 254 00:18:10,374 --> 00:18:12,574 Oh, I know the smell you're talking about. 255 00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:17,646 It was here last night, everyone in the flats was moaning about it! 256 00:18:19,152 --> 00:18:22,095 Here, why don't you get some sleep Del Boy! 257 00:18:22,463 --> 00:18:23,723 No, I'll be alright Grandad. 258 00:18:23,889 --> 00:18:28,339 I'll have a cup of tea and have another punt round for him! Where can he be? 259 00:18:28,957 --> 00:18:33,758 I had a note from him here somewhere, he said he's in the last place you'll ever think of looking! 260 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:37,453 Yeah I know I remember! You have looked under his bed haven't yer? 261 00:18:37,730 --> 00:18:39,031 First place I checked! 262 00:18:40,665 --> 00:18:43,351 Well he's hardly likely to be in that bloody drawer is he? 263 00:18:43,976 --> 00:18:45,284 I'm looking for the note! 264 00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:49,645 Now don't you get funny with me Del, this is your fault, you and your silly jokes! 265 00:18:49,801 --> 00:18:51,797 I know, I was gonna tell him this morning! 266 00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:53,553 Well you could have told him yesterday. 267 00:18:53,878 --> 00:18:57,939 Instead of that you sat there playing your Johnny Cash Live at San Quentin LP! 268 00:18:59,716 --> 00:19:02,966 Alright, don't go on at me - don't go on. I feel bad enough as it is! 269 00:19:03,819 --> 00:19:08,138 What is that smell? I've smelt it before somewhere! 270 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,129 - I know, so did I. - When? 271 00:19:10,474 --> 00:19:13,426 - I told you! Last night! - No, no, no, before that. 272 00:19:15,753 --> 00:19:18,898 It seems to be coming from the ventilating system! 273 00:19:23,236 --> 00:19:26,437 Grandad, go and get them chicken legs at the fridge! 274 00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:29,113 I think I know where Rodney's hiding. 275 00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:45,656 Rodney! Rodney, it's Del Boy! 276 00:19:48,009 --> 00:19:49,747 Rodney I know you're in here! 277 00:19:51,907 --> 00:19:54,227 Rodney don't be a plonker all your life! 278 00:19:58,373 --> 00:20:02,286 Listen I can explain everything there's nothing to be frightened of! 279 00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:07,423 I've got - got some scotch here, something to eat! 280 00:20:19,727 --> 00:20:22,800 Or if you prefer I could get a saucer of milk? 281 00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:27,787 Come on, least we can talk about it cant we? 282 00:20:29,016 --> 00:20:35,013 - Oi! That is you innit Rodney? - No, it's that cat again! 283 00:20:51,147 --> 00:20:54,242 You had me going there for a minute, know what I mean? 284 00:20:55,224 --> 00:20:56,553 How did you know I was here? 285 00:20:58,886 --> 00:21:04,273 I know a lot of things Rodney! Like I know you've bin smoking your funny fags again! 286 00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:10,955 No I ain't Del, honest I ain't touch...Well, a couple! 287 00:21:12,448 --> 00:21:14,091 I tell you that was the give away you see. 288 00:21:14,911 --> 00:21:18,955 The smell from your exotic tobacco has been wafting down the air ducts! 289 00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,275 There's not a man, woman or child that isn't high as a kite! 290 00:21:27,082 --> 00:21:28,289 You're kidding? 291 00:21:28,465 --> 00:21:29,392 No I'm not. 292 00:21:29,548 --> 00:21:32,627 If you stand outside this tower block all you can hear is giggling! 293 00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:43,544 Grandad's calling everybody 'Man'. Thinking of growing his hair in dreadlocks! 294 00:21:45,788 --> 00:21:46,939 Is Grandad okay? 295 00:21:47,437 --> 00:21:53,566 Yeah he's alright. Worried about you though. What are you doing up here? 296 00:21:54,691 --> 00:21:58,130 Nothing much! There's not a lot to do in a tank room Del. 297 00:21:59,042 --> 00:22:02,394 I mean you can look at the view but that gets a bit boring after eight hours or so. 298 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:05,381 In wasn't - wasn't asking about your activities. 299 00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:08,595 I was speaking meteorically. 300 00:22:16,298 --> 00:22:17,630 What you playing at? 301 00:22:18,264 --> 00:22:23,501 Playing at! Well, Del this is a little game called 'Not Going to Prison'! 302 00:22:24,347 --> 00:22:25,870 The rules are ever so easy you know. 303 00:22:26,021 --> 00:22:29,942 All you gotta do is find yourself a place to hide and stay there till you die! 304 00:22:31,906 --> 00:22:33,812 Don't reckon it will catch on Rodney! 305 00:22:34,727 --> 00:22:38,487 You could be right there Del, but I'll tell you something, if necessary 306 00:22:38,648 --> 00:22:40,509 I will shoot my way out of this room. 307 00:22:41,442 --> 00:22:43,965 Oh so while you've been up here, you've been making a gun have you? 308 00:22:46,564 --> 00:22:48,327 Well, I'll throw tins at 'em then! 309 00:22:49,273 --> 00:22:51,095 Yeah, well, you could get an empty can couldn't you... 310 00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,917 ...you know and you could like, splash 'em to death! 311 00:22:56,213 --> 00:22:58,422 I ain't had nothing to eat since I've been up here! 312 00:23:00,515 --> 00:23:02,027 Why's that, you been too frightened? 313 00:23:02,452 --> 00:23:04,358 No, I forgot the tin-opener! 314 00:23:08,323 --> 00:23:10,113 Well why didn't you pop down for it! 315 00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:15,084 Del, desperate men on the run don't pop home to borrow a tin-opener! 316 00:23:17,053 --> 00:23:21,184 Anyway, going without food ain't so bad! People like us are used to it! 317 00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:25,252 Oh come on. Don't give me all that James Cagney stuff! 318 00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:29,454 'Look at me Ma! I'm on top of the World Ma! Look I'm in the tank room Ma!' 319 00:23:30,873 --> 00:23:32,152 Why don't you shut up! 320 00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:36,798 - You hungry? - Yeah. 321 00:23:38,484 --> 00:23:41,167 Here you are. Get that down your neck. 322 00:23:42,026 --> 00:23:45,240 Oh cheers, Del, great. 323 00:23:48,715 --> 00:23:51,501 Oi, have the police been round to question you and Grandad yet? 324 00:23:52,276 --> 00:23:53,694 Er, no! 325 00:23:54,295 --> 00:23:58,328 Good! Good! That means they ain't on me trail yet, gives me a bit of time! 326 00:23:59,364 --> 00:24:05,872 Yeah, Rodney, I've got to explain something like – well, this is sort of like, confession time! 327 00:24:07,186 --> 00:24:08,905 You know that woman you met, Blossom. 328 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:18,066 - Well she's mad, Rodney! - I'm not with you. 329 00:24:19,123 --> 00:24:24,738 She's mad you know. She's well-known to the Old Bill. They don't take no notice of her. 330 00:24:27,756 --> 00:24:29,012 No - you're lying to me. 331 00:24:29,187 --> 00:24:32,478 No, no, I'm not. No I'm not, look - look, cross my heart, swear to die. 332 00:24:33,211 --> 00:24:37,298 You remember old man Corby, well a couple weeks ago she accused him of assaulting her! 333 00:24:37,459 --> 00:24:39,752 Well, I mean, he was so surprised he nearly fell off his wheelchair! 334 00:24:42,792 --> 00:24:44,199 Alright then. Alright then. 335 00:24:44,342 --> 00:24:47,847 You explain this to me then, what were all them police doing outside the pub that night? 336 00:24:48,209 --> 00:24:52,109 That was the - that was the mod and the skinheads, they were at it in the kebab house! 337 00:24:52,259 --> 00:24:53,892 Terrible scenes, for all I could hear. 338 00:24:54,169 --> 00:24:58,418 I mean there was chairs going through the windows, there was chilli sauce up the wall, 339 00:24:58,633 --> 00:25:02,958 then somebody knocked over a frying pan and the staff rest room went up in flames! 340 00:25:05,405 --> 00:25:08,151 No, I don't believe you Del, you're just trying to get me to come quietly! 341 00:25:08,832 --> 00:25:09,908 No I'm not. 342 00:25:10,083 --> 00:25:15,675 Look go on then, go on - look out - look out there look, go on. Now, you see the kebab house? 343 00:25:17,618 --> 00:25:18,290 No! 344 00:25:18,479 --> 00:25:22,483 Exactly, it ain't there no more! What further proof do you need? 345 00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,867 No Del, I don't understand this! 346 00:25:26,027 --> 00:25:31,575 You mean there's been no photofit pictures, no house-to-house searches, no public outcry? 347 00:25:33,381 --> 00:25:38,383 No, none at all! Here, look, d'you want some water with yer scotch? 348 00:25:39,884 --> 00:25:40,988 No! 349 00:25:45,055 --> 00:25:49,361 Then why did you tell me I'd go away for ten years as a special category prisoner, 350 00:25:50,180 --> 00:25:52,558 that they'd nicknamed me the Peckham Pouncer? 351 00:25:53,740 --> 00:25:58,246 That there were gangs of men roaming the street looking to hang me from the nearest lamp post! 352 00:25:59,887 --> 00:26:01,331 For a laugh! 353 00:26:05,515 --> 00:26:06,807 A laugh? 354 00:26:08,166 --> 00:26:09,866 Yeah, it was just a bit of a wind up that's all? 355 00:26:12,413 --> 00:26:15,883 Del, I haven't slept, I'm starving hungry 356 00:26:16,054 --> 00:26:21,306 and I've been freezing my - boots off in this tank room because of your wind up! 357 00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:25,759 You take things too seriously, that's your trouble Rodney! 358 00:26:28,164 --> 00:26:30,176 - I'm gonna kill you! - No, no, no, don't be silly! 359 00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:32,215 No, really, I mean it. I'm gonna kill you right now! 360 00:26:32,393 --> 00:26:33,622 Now just a minute! Just a minute. 361 00:26:34,572 --> 00:26:37,668 Alright now, I realise that I took the joke too far! 362 00:26:38,846 --> 00:26:45,903 And I should have told you earlier, and I'm - I'm sorry Rodney, I really am! 363 00:26:49,015 --> 00:26:50,368 I'm still gonna kill you! 364 00:26:51,405 --> 00:26:53,776 I've been all over London looking for you! 365 00:26:54,508 --> 00:26:56,634 I've been in more doss-houses than a tramp's vest! 366 00:26:59,443 --> 00:27:03,317 So that's where you were going so late that night, eh? I saw you drive off! 367 00:27:04,052 --> 00:27:05,505 You saw me. Why didn't you say something? 368 00:27:06,482 --> 00:27:10,672 Del, I'm a desperate man on the run! I can hardly lean out and go 'Ooh oooh, Del!' 369 00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:17,561 No, I s'pose you can't. 370 00:27:19,357 --> 00:27:24,667 Listen Rodney, I feel - you know, I feel really sorry for all the aggro that I've caused you. 371 00:27:25,517 --> 00:27:26,850 I'd like to try and make it up to you, 372 00:27:27,517 --> 00:27:31,147 let's say I take you out and I buy you a big slap upmeal, eh? 373 00:27:34,752 --> 00:27:36,954 Yeah, with the wine, all the works! 374 00:27:39,628 --> 00:27:41,127 I mean look at these clothes! 375 00:27:42,988 --> 00:27:45,131 That's alright. Come on I'll buy you a new suit. 376 00:27:48,809 --> 00:27:52,282 Yeah, but then I'd look silly, you know brand- new suit and these dirty old plimsoles! 377 00:27:54,484 --> 00:27:56,467 Don't you bloody come it Rodney! 378 00:27:59,961 --> 00:28:06,930 Come on, come here. Come on I'll buy a new pair of rhythm an' blues as well! How's that? 379 00:28:09,061 --> 00:28:10,243 Yeah, alright! 380 00:28:11,794 --> 00:28:15,977 That's a good boy - good boy, you know it makes sense, don't you! 381 00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:21,566 - All in the past, eh? - All in the past cheers! 382 00:28:27,783 --> 00:28:29,839 Look at the state of me! 383 00:28:30,402 --> 00:28:33,588 Don't worry. You'll have a nice hot shower when you get down the flat! 384 00:28:34,085 --> 00:28:36,090 Oh, I don't fancy standing under that water Del. 385 00:28:36,667 --> 00:28:38,526 Not after what I've been doing in it!