1 00:01:13,368 --> 00:01:17,408 The Paki shop won't let us have nothing on tick! Says it's part of his culture! 2 00:01:17,956 --> 00:01:21,362 Don't think it's got anything to do with the 46 quid we already owe 'em do you? 3 00:01:22,239 --> 00:01:23,528 Funny enough he mentioned that! 4 00:01:26,874 --> 00:01:29,202 - Still, it's got nothing to do with me! - That's right! 5 00:01:30,070 --> 00:01:33,598 The moment you suggested going down the auction and buying on yer own, 6 00:01:33,990 --> 00:01:37,116 I knew there'd be trouble! But I won' say nothing on the matter Rodney. 7 00:01:37,513 --> 00:01:38,429 Good! 8 00:01:42,165 --> 00:01:43,657 They must have seen him coming! 9 00:01:49,532 --> 00:01:51,461 - Good morning Uncle. - Oh, morning Del. 10 00:01:51,699 --> 00:01:53,282 The Paki won't let us have no breakfast. 11 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,866 That's alright, I haven't much felt like eating, recently. 12 00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:03,582 - What's the weather like out? - It's parky Del! 13 00:02:04,222 --> 00:02:09,830 - Good, good! Nice thick frost is there? - Bit slippery underfoot, yeah! 14 00:02:11,266 --> 00:02:15,375 - Triffic. Lots and lots of flecks of snow in the air is there? - Yes, bit of sleet Del, yeah. 15 00:02:15,558 --> 00:02:19,997 Oh cushty! Nice northerly wind howling in from the Urals is there? 16 00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:22,342 Cuts right through you Del! 17 00:02:22,536 --> 00:02:29,081 Lovely!! Because today Uncle Albert, owing to young Rodney's foresight and GCEs, 18 00:02:31,275 --> 00:02:35,621 while all them other plonkers down the market are selling woolly hats and thermal under-wear 19 00:02:35,882 --> 00:02:39,544 we're gonna make a right killing. Do you know why we're gonna make a killing? 20 00:02:41,863 --> 00:02:43,286 We ain't got woolly underwear. 21 00:02:43,927 --> 00:02:51,379 We've got sun tan lotion!! And we ain't got just a little drop of sun tan lotion! 22 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,113 We've got 500 bloody quids worth of the stuff. 23 00:02:55,971 --> 00:02:58,722 I've told you I bought it as an investment! 24 00:02:58,976 --> 00:03:01,894 An investment! Menage a trois! 25 00:03:03,824 --> 00:03:06,308 In the middle of the worst winter for two million years - 26 00:03:06,648 --> 00:03:12,994 with the weathermen laying odds on a new Ice Age – this dipstick goes out and buys out Amber Solaire! 27 00:03:13,602 --> 00:03:16,499 The weathermen are also forecasting a boiling hot summer! 28 00:03:17,359 --> 00:03:20,637 So come May or June we can sell all of that or swop it for something else! 29 00:03:21,148 --> 00:03:26,009 - Like 50 or 60 anoraks maybe!? - You won't give me any credit, will you? 30 00:03:26,447 --> 00:03:30,552 - Nor will that Paki! - Oh shut up Albert! 31 00:03:30,888 --> 00:03:32,185 It's nothing to do with me! 32 00:03:32,636 --> 00:03:37,137 That five hundred quid that you squandered on this stuff was the last of the company's capital! 33 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,268 And how was I supposed to know that? 34 00:03:39,462 --> 00:03:43,463 How were you supposed to know that? You're the firm's accountant you wally! 35 00:03:45,346 --> 00:03:46,833 Throwing that at me now are you? 36 00:03:47,029 --> 00:03:52,238 Oh, look at that, we've got nothing to sell and no money to buy with! 37 00:03:54,141 --> 00:03:57,038 It can't be that bad Del! There must be something you can knock out? 38 00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:59,478 Yeah, I know what I would like to knock out. 39 00:04:00,889 --> 00:04:02,532 - What's in the van? - Nothin'! 40 00:04:03,086 --> 00:04:05,422 - What's in the garage? - The van! 41 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:11,956 The only thing we've knocked out in the last month was that electric deep-fryer to the guvn'r at the Nag's Head – 42 00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:13,801 and I'm waiting for a comeback on that! 43 00:04:14,410 --> 00:04:18,656 It's him, ain't it? I mean, ever since he come to live here we've had nothing but bad luck! 44 00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,382 - What's he on about now? - Oh I don't know. 45 00:04:21,687 --> 00:04:23,712 Alright, what about the time he was in the navy! 46 00:04:24,035 --> 00:04:28,285 Every single ship he ever sailed on either got torpedoed or divebombed! 47 00:04:30,254 --> 00:04:34,904 Two of them in peacetime! Del, that man is a jinx! 48 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,924 Oh leave it out Rodney! Gordon Bennett, you'll be burning witches next! 49 00:04:46,322 --> 00:04:52,574 I went down and ordered Grandad's headstone the other day! Beautiful thing it is! 50 00:04:53,438 --> 00:04:59,404 It's got all angels and things round it and it's got this great big eagle with a scroll in its foot! 51 00:05:01,879 --> 00:05:03,622 Of course, I think I'll have to cancel that now! 52 00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:06,915 That'll cheer 'em up down at the plastics factory won't it, eh? 53 00:05:08,638 --> 00:05:10,870 They've gone and bought all the fiberglass and everything! 54 00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:15,937 Something's bound to turn up Del! He who dares, eh? 55 00:05:16,304 --> 00:05:18,142 If you say so Rodney, if you say so. 56 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,944 I was reading in the Sunday papers about them fellas 57 00:05:21,115 --> 00:05:25,490 what pick up with these rich old widows - what they call 'em - toy boys! 58 00:05:28,147 --> 00:05:34,430 You wanna see the stuff they pick for presents. Solid gold watches, sports cars - money! 59 00:05:35,013 --> 00:05:36,777 Might be worth considering! 60 00:05:38,851 --> 00:05:43,320 Well, we both admire your spirit Uncle, but don't you think you've left it bit late for that sort of thing. 61 00:05:45,115 --> 00:05:47,844 I'm not talking about me! I meant you! 62 00:05:48,212 --> 00:05:53,225 Me?? I'm not selling my body to some old tart! Thank you. 63 00:05:54,998 --> 00:05:56,896 Not even for the family?? 64 00:05:57,072 --> 00:06:03,068 Especially not for the family! I'm not gonna let myself become some hooker! 65 00:06:07,796 --> 00:06:13,753 Listen Uncle. You came to stay with us for a couple of nights, about four weeks ago. 66 00:06:14,728 --> 00:06:18,861 So you don't know us very well. So let me explain something to you you see. 67 00:06:19,282 --> 00:06:23,842 You see, you can't expect Rodney to go and do something like that! 68 00:06:24,263 --> 00:06:27,101 I mean even I wouldn't expect Rodney to do something like that! 69 00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:35,705 - I suppose it was too much to ask! Sorry Del. - That's alright! 70 00:06:36,842 --> 00:06:39,421 I mean, Rodney can't even give it away let alone flog it! 71 00:06:55,612 --> 00:06:57,668 'Ere you are, look, stick that on the windscreen, will you. 72 00:07:05,995 --> 00:07:08,104 Couldn't we sell this and get something more useful? 73 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,264 - Like what? - Like a bus pass! 74 00:07:12,745 --> 00:07:15,109 I ain't in the mood Rodney, I'm just not in the mood!! Alright. 75 00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:22,724 Be handy if one of them was to accidentally fall in our direction wouldn't it, eh? 76 00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:25,982 - Leave off Del! - You've got nowhere to hide it! 77 00:07:29,335 --> 00:07:33,953 - Yeah, well, that's what I meant. - I suppose you're right. Come on. 78 00:07:38,097 --> 00:07:41,900 Hello Mike. How's that deepfryer Del sold you? 79 00:07:47,847 --> 00:07:49,832 I want a word with you Trotter! 80 00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:53,280 Yes, yes, of course Michael! I'll be in the office! 81 00:07:58,364 --> 00:08:02,189 - What are you trying to do to me?? - I don't know Del Boy! 82 00:08:02,454 --> 00:08:05,435 Del, I've just had a thought where we could hide one of them barrels. 83 00:08:05,605 --> 00:08:06,292 Yeah, where? 84 00:08:06,471 --> 00:08:07,540 In his mouth! 85 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,271 That's enough, thanks Mike. 86 00:08:12,744 --> 00:08:15,378 Come on darling, I ordered chicken in a basket 'alf hour ago! 87 00:08:15,571 --> 00:08:21,415 - What you waiting for, the egg to hatch! - It's not my fault! Our deepfryer's on the blink! 88 00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:32,588 - Ain't customers stupid, eh? - Put it like that, I suppose they are! 89 00:08:33,317 --> 00:08:36,516 Here you are, come on, get that down your neck, a small rum. 90 00:08:36,952 --> 00:08:40,708 - Just to keep the cold out Del! - Make the most of it, could be your last! 91 00:08:41,617 --> 00:08:42,562 I've been thinking! 92 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,954 Oh leave it out Rodney, we're in enough trouble as it is. 93 00:08:46,363 --> 00:08:50,648 Hang on, right, now look, when I was studying for my GCE in Maths, right 94 00:08:50,935 --> 00:08:54,642 I had to learn to do cross-canceling equations. 95 00:08:56,182 --> 00:09:02,342 The idea is, you list all your problems and then eradicate them using a process of elimination, 96 00:09:02,535 --> 00:09:05,801 thus discovering the solution! That's what I've been doing! 97 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,456 G'on then, I'm game. Go on. 98 00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:15,009 One: We are traders who have nothing to sell, right? 99 00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:21,353 Two: We are traders who have no money to buy with. Correct? 100 00:09:22,705 --> 00:09:24,878 I'm gonna smack you right in the bloody mouth in a minute. 101 00:09:25,572 --> 00:09:27,900 Hang on! Three... 102 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:35,158 Oh no, there ain't a three! So, the solution to our problem is thus: 103 00:09:36,129 --> 00:09:40,690 We have to find a way of making money out of nothing! 104 00:09:47,102 --> 00:09:49,293 Oh, I don't know how we do it, that's the answer! 105 00:09:51,164 --> 00:09:58,124 And you had to use ink to come to that conclusion?? Stone me Rodney, a Millwall fan could have worked that out! 106 00:09:59,352 --> 00:10:02,384 Don't keep on at me Del, at least I'm trying ain't I, which is more than I can say for you. 107 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,417 Me, I wasn't the one that spent 500 quid on all that rubbish. 108 00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:06,275 Would you get of my back... 109 00:10:06,454 --> 00:10:10,699 Pack it in you two! Look at you, you're at each other's throats. 110 00:10:11,234 --> 00:10:16,216 Bloody money, whether you've got too much of it or not enough, it always causes trouble. 111 00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:23,136 Don't worry, something will turn up, you see. I'll see you two later. 112 00:10:23,562 --> 00:10:24,757 Yeah, yeah alright. 113 00:10:25,771 --> 00:10:27,605 D'you think we ought to go with him in case he gets mugged? 114 00:10:28,926 --> 00:10:36,870 Nah, he's skint anyway! Well that's it, ain't it, I'm gonna have to pawn all the jewellery again! 115 00:10:37,121 --> 00:10:41,085 Honestly these rings they know more about hock than a German wine taster! 116 00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:43,625 Something's gonna turn up Del! 117 00:10:43,862 --> 00:10:47,526 What, with our luck? If I threw a fiver into the air it'd come down as a summons! 118 00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:52,678 I don't ask much out of life do I, eh? Only an 'apenny more than I can spend. 119 00:10:52,829 --> 00:10:55,464 And look at me, look, I'm gutted! It's all your fault Rodney! 120 00:10:55,643 --> 00:10:57,005 Oh don't start all that again! 121 00:10:57,727 --> 00:11:02,480 Well it is. I mean ever since you were that high you've done nothing but hold me back! 122 00:11:02,942 --> 00:11:04,314 I held you back?? 123 00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:07,263 Yeah, I mean, when Mum died I should have had you put into care! 124 00:11:07,447 --> 00:11:08,961 I would have been someone by now! 125 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,223 I would have done, I would have probably had me own penthouse, 126 00:11:11,435 --> 00:11:14,245 and I would have had an Aston Martin with a telephone an' all that. 127 00:11:14,869 --> 00:11:18,527 Well, I'll tell you something Del. You'd have been doing me a favour if you'd had put me into care! 128 00:11:18,922 --> 00:11:21,534 'Cos at least then I might have got a proper job when I left school, 129 00:11:21,759 --> 00:11:24,420 instead of humping your old suitcase all over London! 130 00:11:24,588 --> 00:11:26,224 But you didn't wanna leave school did you? 131 00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:29,144 If it'd been up to you, you would have been there drawing your old age pension. 132 00:11:29,943 --> 00:11:33,227 I only wanted to stay there while I got GCEs in Maths and Art! 133 00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,911 And a lot of good they done the firm! 134 00:11:35,147 --> 00:11:39,507 The only time your GCE has come in handy was that time when I asked you to count them tins of paint! 135 00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:48,129 - What the bloody hell's that? - You don't think it was that deep-fryer do you? 136 00:11:49,510 --> 00:11:51,594 I'm not gonna stay to find out. Come on, let's look lively! Come on. 137 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,308 - Del. - Yeah, won't be a minute love. 138 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,237 - Yeah, we've just got to... - It's your Uncle Albert!! 139 00:11:56,935 --> 00:12:00,227 - What about Uncle Albert? - He's fallen down our cellar! Quick. 140 00:12:00,551 --> 00:12:01,763 Fallen down the cellar... 141 00:12:08,071 --> 00:12:13,174 - Well?? - No, no, no, Del the old neck's gone. 142 00:12:13,735 --> 00:12:15,486 No, no, no, I mean, what happened?? 143 00:12:15,754 --> 00:12:19,838 I don't know! I just looked up - and there was Albert plummeting towards me! 144 00:12:21,231 --> 00:12:23,769 - Hold on, where is he?? - Oh he's over there somewhere! 145 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,939 How the hell did he get over there? 146 00:12:28,369 --> 00:12:33,732 He hit the plank and bounced! He went through the air like one of them springboard divers! 147 00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:36,186 Cor my neck don't 'alf hurt, Del! 148 00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:37,416 Your neck! Your neck. 149 00:12:37,614 --> 00:12:44,034 Uncle Albert nearly ends up in a Jumbo's flightpath, and all you can think about is your rotten Gregory!! Oh come on. 150 00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:48,358 - Are you alright? - I'm a bit shaken and dazed Rodney! 151 00:12:48,715 --> 00:12:54,823 It's probably jet-lag! Come on, get him onto his feet Rodney. Come on, up you come. 152 00:12:54,985 --> 00:12:59,327 Fancy leaving an open cellar door unguarded. I've got a good mind to sue the brewery! 153 00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:01,662 Yeah, put yer arm around Rodney's. Sue the brewery? 154 00:13:01,932 --> 00:13:03,964 Put him down. What the hell d'you think you're doing? 155 00:13:04,588 --> 00:13:06,020 Del, you just said pick him up. 156 00:13:06,223 --> 00:13:08,818 Yeah, I know what I just said but you don't know what sort of damage he's done! 157 00:13:09,016 --> 00:13:10,490 He might have broken something! 158 00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:14,619 Yeah he has! About four dozen bottles of Guiness! Come on Del. 159 00:13:14,773 --> 00:13:16,855 There's nothing wrong with him. He said so himself. 160 00:13:17,049 --> 00:13:18,812 Yeah, but how does he know that? How does he know that? 161 00:13:18,995 --> 00:13:21,772 He might have hit his head and got percussion! 162 00:13:23,424 --> 00:13:27,131 Look, the first thing to do in first aid is never move the victim, right? 163 00:13:27,425 --> 00:13:30,922 You'll have to move me soon Del, the last bell's just gone! 164 00:13:31,223 --> 00:13:33,824 See that, he's got ringing sounds in his ears! 165 00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:35,732 This is even worse than I thought Rodney. 166 00:13:35,939 --> 00:13:39,197 Quick nip upstairs and get on the telephone, yeah, phone for a solicitor! 167 00:13:43,092 --> 00:13:47,849 A solicitor?? Del you can't sue! 168 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,004 You don't wanna put money on it do you? 169 00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:53,760 Him falling down that hole could be the biggest bit of luck we've had in years. 170 00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:57,461 But Del, if he'd hurt himself there'd be little signs - wouldn't there – 171 00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,816 like blood and pain! His hat ain't come off. 172 00:14:01,628 --> 00:14:03,056 How's that alright. 173 00:14:03,473 --> 00:14:08,291 Don't give us all that Quincy cobblers Rodney! You don't know how bad I am! 174 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:12,192 You see, you don't know how bad he is. Now quick whip upstairs and phone Solly Attwell! 175 00:14:12,347 --> 00:14:15,448 You'll find his number in the Yellow Pages. Go on, look lively. 176 00:14:15,638 --> 00:14:19,654 Solly Atwell's our solicitor. Bloody 'ell, he's more bent than the villains! 177 00:14:20,421 --> 00:14:23,979 That's the sort of man we need in a case like this, a specialist! 178 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,010 G' on then, get on the blower! 179 00:14:26,427 --> 00:14:29,110 You don't mind if I phone for an ambulance first, do you? 180 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:33,074 Ambulance! Ambulance! Good thinking. That'll look great on the report! 181 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:35,490 Well done, Rodney. Go on, away you go. 182 00:14:37,092 --> 00:14:39,193 The old brewery are gonna pay through the nose for this. 183 00:14:39,884 --> 00:14:42,104 I told you something'd turn up, didn't I Del? 184 00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:45,493 That's alright Uncle, you just conserve yer oxygen. That's right. 185 00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:49,448 Uncle - Albert - did I hear you groaning in pain? 186 00:14:49,814 --> 00:14:52,201 - No! - Well why not?? Come on. 187 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:02,238 I'm afraid it's bad news Derek, I'd brace yourselves if I was you! 188 00:15:02,923 --> 00:15:07,684 According to this medical report and the X-ray they took ...there's nothing wrong with him! 189 00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:13,463 There's gotta be something wrong with him! He was none too clever before he fell down the hole! 190 00:15:14,454 --> 00:15:20,052 Sorry Del Boy! Not a mark, scratch, abrasion or bruise! He must have landed on something soft. 191 00:15:20,309 --> 00:15:22,121 Yeah he did, the landlord! 192 00:15:22,472 --> 00:15:24,831 If I were you Del Boy I'd accept the brewery's offer. 193 00:15:25,514 --> 00:15:26,406 What offer?? 194 00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:28,052 Their solicitors phoned me today. 195 00:15:28,238 --> 00:15:33,454 To save any adverse publicity they're willing to settle out of court for 2,000 pounds. 196 00:15:34,122 --> 00:15:37,053 - Two grand?? - Take the money Del. 197 00:15:37,518 --> 00:15:42,004 No, I wanted more than that! I wanted enough money to set us up proper. 198 00:15:42,988 --> 00:15:51,421 Wait a minute, if they're willing to settle for 2,000 pounds out of court, think what they'll settle for in court! 199 00:15:51,756 --> 00:15:54,787 - But Del, there's nothing wrong with him!! - Well it ain't my bloody fault is it?? 200 00:15:55,421 --> 00:16:02,222 Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, please! Now perhaps we should look at the case from another angle. 201 00:16:02,432 --> 00:16:05,505 I mean we've only been considering the physical damage! 202 00:16:05,989 --> 00:16:09,314 But what about this! 203 00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:13,339 We ain't gonna get a lot for his bloody hat are we! 204 00:16:14,972 --> 00:16:18,591 No, I mean his - his mind Derek! Psychological injuries! 205 00:16:18,781 --> 00:16:19,897 Will the court swallow that? 206 00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:21,610 If you three say the right things they will. 207 00:16:21,776 --> 00:16:26,410 Hey listen, there was a case in America where this chap fell down a manhole and, 208 00:16:27,055 --> 00:16:30,368 like your Uncle, he sustained no physical injuries. 209 00:16:30,677 --> 00:16:35,608 Yet her successfully sued the Los Angeles City council for thirty million dollars! 210 00:16:36,694 --> 00:16:42,270 - Thirty million!! - He claimed the accident had ruined his sex life! 211 00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:47,635 At that rate we'll get one pound seventy five. 212 00:16:48,783 --> 00:16:50,658 We're not claiming anything like that! 213 00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:58,852 I'm just giving you that as an example of how these 'unseen' injuries can mount up in the old compo stakes! 214 00:16:59,379 --> 00:17:01,811 Now, look at the facts as I see them. 215 00:17:02,326 --> 00:17:07,193 An elderly man who fought bravely for his country, sailing the seven seas, 216 00:17:07,457 --> 00:17:11,029 insuring that Britain never, never, never shall be slaves 217 00:17:11,602 --> 00:17:16,228 has had his retirement - his few well earned years of rest, 218 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:20,184 ruined by the negligence of a multinational company! 219 00:17:21,489 --> 00:17:30,163 An active man struck down by the thoughtless action of this mammouth, rich corporation! 220 00:17:31,113 --> 00:17:39,934 The bouts of amnesia, the fear of the outside world and, most distressing of all, losing the use of his legs! 221 00:17:41,402 --> 00:17:50,610 Sit! Right, that's it, do the bizzo Solly! Alright listen, I want no Mickey Mouse magistrates! 222 00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:56,161 I want the High Court, I want a pukka brief - you know black cape, crowntopper, all the Xs, alright? 223 00:17:56,849 --> 00:17:57,738 Right Solly? 224 00:17:57,969 --> 00:18:00,867 I'll set the wheels in motion. I shall need a list of witnesses. 225 00:18:01,203 --> 00:18:02,908 No, see, there weren't no witnesses! 226 00:18:03,239 --> 00:18:05,385 - Will ten do? - Lovely! 227 00:18:07,309 --> 00:18:13,869 Now Mr Trotter, you were standing outside the Nag's Head public house when this tragic accident occurred? 228 00:18:14,373 --> 00:18:15,178 ...Yes! 229 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,847 - You saw the incident clearly? - Yes! 230 00:18:18,283 --> 00:18:23,893 - Would you tell the court what happened. - My uncle fell down a hole! 231 00:18:26,575 --> 00:18:30,027 Yes! Would you tell the court how he fell down the hole. 232 00:18:31,429 --> 00:18:34,236 ...Em...well, it was... 233 00:18:35,726 --> 00:18:37,048 Like that! 234 00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:44,208 No, no Mr Trotter! Did he trip, did he stumble? 235 00:18:45,841 --> 00:18:51,776 No. Well, he sort of walked and then fell down the hole! 236 00:18:53,494 --> 00:18:58,187 - Didn't he see the warning notice? - There was no warning notice. 237 00:18:58,525 --> 00:19:02,319 - Wasn't he stopped by the guard rail! - There was no guard rail either. 238 00:19:02,699 --> 00:19:08,283 I see! No warning notice, no guard rail! Sounds very dangerous to me! 239 00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:15,292 Yes! I can remember thinking to myself at the time, 'That's rather dangerous! Someone could fall down that!' 240 00:19:16,804 --> 00:19:21,616 And how right you were! So, you ran straight down to the cellar? 241 00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:23,397 Yes! 242 00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:26,712 - And were you the first person to find your Uncle? - Yes! 243 00:19:27,102 --> 00:19:30,668 - What did he look like? - Horrible! 244 00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:36,859 Would you please tell the court, are you related to the plaintiff? 245 00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:39,100 No, no I just drink in his pub! 246 00:19:39,868 --> 00:19:42,959 - That little one there is me Uncle! - Quite! 247 00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:48,166 I saw it all your worship, utter negligence – a complete disregard for public safety... 248 00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:54,284 Yes, yes, quite! Mr Frazer, I don't think we need concern ourselves any further with the accident itself! 249 00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:58,849 I believe liability has been proved quite - quite conclusively! 250 00:19:59,088 --> 00:20:02,829 Much obliged to your honour! Let us move on now to the after-effects of the accident. 251 00:20:03,429 --> 00:20:05,841 Has your Uncle changed in any way since this happened? 252 00:20:06,477 --> 00:20:09,737 Do what? Oh yeah - oh yeah. He's a completely different man now! 253 00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:13,774 I mean he used to be so active! You know it was full of swimming, sponsored walks, marathon. 254 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,827 You know, well they used to call him the Jimmy Savile of Peckham! 255 00:20:19,109 --> 00:20:21,482 Well, he was always out and about, you'd rarely find him in! 256 00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:22,478 And now? 257 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:30,211 Well, now he is like the Olympic flame – he never goes out your lordship. Locked in his room, 258 00:20:30,385 --> 00:20:33,194 he' - he's frightened he might fall down another hole! 259 00:20:33,871 --> 00:20:37,665 And how has the gradual loss of feeling in his leg affected him? 260 00:20:37,921 --> 00:20:39,527 Well, how would it affect you Captain? 261 00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:44,147 I mean, one minute, you know he's there doing his acrobatics to his Dizzy Lizzy LP, 262 00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:48,470 and then the next minute he has to ask us whether or not he's got his shoes on! 263 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:56,212 But I mean, the worstest, the worstest thing of all is your honour is these sudden bouts of amnesia. 264 00:20:56,727 --> 00:20:59,821 You know, they have led to him having some very nasty falls. 265 00:21:00,157 --> 00:21:03,817 I fail to see the connection. How can amnesia cause one to fall? 266 00:21:04,273 --> 00:21:06,182 He keeps forgetting he can't walk! 267 00:21:09,796 --> 00:21:11,358 I have no further questions m'lud. 268 00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:14,349 - Mr Gerrard? - No questions your honour. 269 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,015 You may stand down Mr Trotter. 270 00:21:16,243 --> 00:21:19,099 Stand down? I've only just started. I've got loads more I could tell you! 271 00:21:19,296 --> 00:21:21,157 That will be all Mr Trotter, thank you. 272 00:21:30,317 --> 00:21:31,253 Alright Mike. 273 00:21:32,438 --> 00:21:33,352 How we doing Solly? 274 00:21:33,636 --> 00:21:36,218 We're home and dry. This could be a ten grander coming up here! 275 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,333 Mr Frazer, do you intend calling any more witnesses? 276 00:21:39,688 --> 00:21:41,906 - I have no further witnesses m'lud. - Mr Gerrard? 277 00:21:42,171 --> 00:21:47,278 Just one your honour. I call the plaintiff, Albert Gladstone Trotter. 278 00:21:50,566 --> 00:21:51,844 I thought you said they wouldn't call him? 279 00:21:52,054 --> 00:21:55,082 I said 'we' wouldn't call him! Look don't worry, I've already briefed him. 280 00:21:55,288 --> 00:21:57,966 Any awkward questions he just claims loss of memory! 281 00:21:58,163 --> 00:22:00,690 Loss of memory! Knowing him he'll forget! 282 00:22:02,338 --> 00:22:04,444 Take the book in your right hand and read the card. 283 00:22:05,264 --> 00:22:08,214 There's no need to stand Mr Trotter. Please remain seated. 284 00:22:08,776 --> 00:22:16,884 Thank you your worship. I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 285 00:22:17,767 --> 00:22:25,396 You are Albert Gladstone Trotter, presently residing at 368 Nelson Mandela House, Dockside Estate, Peckham? 286 00:22:26,559 --> 00:22:27,890 I think so sir. 287 00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:33,628 Yes. I'll make this as brief as possible Mr Trotter, I realise how distressing this must be for you. 288 00:22:35,151 --> 00:22:38,695 Do you have any recollection of the accident? 289 00:22:39,749 --> 00:22:46,713 Very little sir. One minute I was walking along, on me way to post me entry form for The Krypton Factor. 290 00:22:49,528 --> 00:22:54,159 Anyway, next I was falling through the air! All me life flashed before me! 291 00:22:54,592 --> 00:22:59,294 The battle of the River Plate, the sinking of the Graf Spee, raid on Telemar. 292 00:23:01,185 --> 00:23:03,482 - Silence that man! - Sorry your honour! 293 00:23:04,211 --> 00:23:07,374 After that it's all a blank. Me memory keeps going, see. 294 00:23:07,658 --> 00:23:09,308 Have you ever suffered with amnesia before? 295 00:23:10,001 --> 00:23:11,409 I can't remember. 296 00:23:13,013 --> 00:23:19,165 I see! But you can remember the war! After all, you have all your ribbons there to remind you. 297 00:23:19,797 --> 00:23:24,310 - Where were you based Mr Trotter? - I was overseas sir. 298 00:23:24,677 --> 00:23:25,879 Really, how odd! 299 00:23:26,156 --> 00:23:30,029 I looked into your naval record and it seems that you spent the best part of the war 300 00:23:30,444 --> 00:23:36,525 stationed in a storage depot on the Isle of Wight! Hardly overseas! 301 00:23:36,973 --> 00:23:39,069 You wanna try walking it pal! 302 00:23:42,162 --> 00:23:48,939 I also noticed Mr Trotter that in May, 1944, you were one of several naval ratings, 303 00:23:49,144 --> 00:23:54,372 seconded to a Marine parachute unit, specially formed for missions behind enemy lines. 304 00:23:54,759 --> 00:23:57,499 I believe you were involved in laundry matters! 305 00:23:57,793 --> 00:24:02,097 But whilst with this unit you underwent basic parachute training. 306 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:06,283 Would you tell the court what this training consisted of? 307 00:24:07,373 --> 00:24:09,223 Em...jumping off of things! 308 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:15,552 'Jumping off of things!' In other words, learning to fall without injuring oneself! 309 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,853 My memory ain't what it used to be your worship. 310 00:24:19,277 --> 00:24:22,772 I sympathise Mr Trotter and intend to help you as much as I can. 311 00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:29,569 Tell me, could you possibly be the same Albert Gladstone Trotter who, in 1946, 312 00:24:29,762 --> 00:24:34,769 fell down the cellar of the Victory Inn, Portsmouth, and received one hundred pounds compensation? 313 00:24:35,239 --> 00:24:37,347 I can't remember that far back sir. 314 00:24:37,705 --> 00:24:44,262 Well, let's try a more recent case then. Could you be the same Albert Gladstone Trotter who, in 1951, 315 00:24:44,492 --> 00:24:46,930 fell down the cellar of the Coach and Horses, Peckham Rye, 316 00:24:48,266 --> 00:24:54,030 - and received a 225 pound out of court settlement? - Me mind's a blank! 317 00:24:55,084 --> 00:25:02,299 Maybe you were the same Albert Gladstone Trotter who, in 1949, fell down the cellar of the Crossed Keys off-licence, Gravesend? 318 00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:08,965 How about the Thatched Inn, Canning Town, or does the Brunswick Club, New Cross, ring a bell? 319 00:25:09,798 --> 00:25:11,438 I don't believe it! 320 00:25:13,506 --> 00:25:19,433 It's a bloody nightmare Rodney, it's a bloody nightmare! He's been down more holes than Tony Jacklin. 321 00:25:29,633 --> 00:25:34,094 I don't believe it! I do not believe what that garrity old git has done to us! 322 00:25:35,477 --> 00:25:38,737 I mean, the only hole he hasn't fallen down is the black one in Calcutta! 323 00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:43,925 What is it the insurance companies nicknamed him? 324 00:25:44,222 --> 00:25:46,178 - The ferret! - The ferret! 325 00:25:47,168 --> 00:25:50,613 He's had 15 previous lawsuits for falling down holes! 326 00:25:51,107 --> 00:25:52,779 Those are the known cases Rodney! 327 00:25:53,142 --> 00:25:57,282 I mean, how many times has the landlord settled out of court with a quiet backhander to save all the aggro? 328 00:26:07,484 --> 00:26:12,359 Alright, come on, how many pubs, off-licences and drinking clubs have you done in your time? 329 00:26:13,178 --> 00:26:18,876 Well, quite a few Del! The first cellar I fell down was genuine - honest! 330 00:26:19,998 --> 00:26:25,500 But 'cos I'd learnt to fall properly I didn't hurt myself – but I still got compensation out of it 331 00:26:25,665 --> 00:26:27,719 and I thought 'This is handy!' 332 00:26:28,457 --> 00:26:37,942 So, whenever me and yer Grandad was hard up for a few bob well I'd go'n fall down a hole! I was only tryin' to help. 333 00:26:38,451 --> 00:26:42,398 Only tryin' to help? I was nearly done for contempt of court. 334 00:26:42,654 --> 00:26:49,110 His name's been sent to the director of public prosecution and Solly and the brief look 335 00:26:49,278 --> 00:26:53,957 like they're gonna get defrocked! And you were only tryin' to help!! 336 00:26:54,186 --> 00:26:59,742 I said I'm sorry Rodney! I didn't wanna do it! I mean, I'm past all that stunt-man lark! 337 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,191 But you two have been good to me these past few weeks. 338 00:27:05,065 --> 00:27:09,902 And I wanted to get some money to - well - repay you. 339 00:27:11,870 --> 00:27:14,933 And I wanted to get yer Grandad his headstone. 340 00:27:24,054 --> 00:27:26,202 You did it for Grandad's headstone? 341 00:27:27,082 --> 00:27:32,173 He was my older brother Del. When I was a kid he used to look after me. 342 00:27:34,016 --> 00:27:43,757 I never did anything for him - never had the chance to - until now! Sorry boys! 343 00:27:53,674 --> 00:27:59,213 Alright, don't worry about it Uncle Albert. 344 00:28:03,296 --> 00:28:05,958 Come on Rodney, let's get Ironside home! 345 00:28:14,405 --> 00:28:17,557 - It's turned out nice innit boys? - Triffic! 346 00:28:19,793 --> 00:28:21,688 I'd better knock out some of that sun tan lotion, eh? 347 00:28:25,590 --> 00:28:31,688 'Ere just a - just a minute why am I pushing you? You can walk you lazy old sod! 348 00:28:33,349 --> 00:28:34,648 Oh yeah, I forgot! 349 00:28:35,072 --> 00:28:37,632 Oh had another little bout of amnesia, eh Del! 350 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:42,023 Now don't you start all that blackout nonsense with me Uncle 'cos it won't wash! 351 00:28:44,444 --> 00:28:48,284 Subtitles by NVL