1 00:00:45,930 --> 00:00:52,628 No, no, no, no, everything's cushty! Yeah, no, no, you've got nothing to worry about. 2 00:00:53,383 --> 00:00:57,697 You know me, I'll do anyone a favour if the money's right, yeah. 3 00:00:59,099 --> 00:01:02,928 - You have to interfere don't yer? - I was merely trying to get a picture for yer! 4 00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:06,684 I had a picture till you come in and started mucking around with the aerial! 5 00:01:06,885 --> 00:01:08,515 There was a ghost on the screen! 6 00:01:09,223 --> 00:01:16,229 Course there was a ghost on the screen - I was watching an 'orror film! Just leave things alone will yer Rodney! 7 00:01:17,282 --> 00:01:20,865 D'you realise there are nigh on four million people unemployed in this country! 8 00:01:21,411 --> 00:01:23,542 And all you can do is sit there and watch horror films! 9 00:01:23,857 --> 00:01:30,219 - What would you like me to do? - Well...You could at least think about it! 10 00:01:32,190 --> 00:01:35,720 I've been thinking about it, that's why I want to watch the horror film. 11 00:01:36,098 --> 00:01:39,337 Oi, 'old on, shut up you two will yer, I'm on the blower. Yes, sorry, go on. 12 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,236 Course I blame it on computers! 13 00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:46,293 I mean, how many people have been put on the dole by robots that can build cars and what ave yer? 14 00:01:47,361 --> 00:01:52,538 That's why I'll never get a proper job! 'Cos they can train a robot to do some-thing better than I can! 15 00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:55,213 They could train a chimpanzee to do it better than you! 16 00:01:56,967 --> 00:01:59,684 Yeah, okay, I'll see yer tomorrow morning about eleven o'clock. 17 00:02:06,456 --> 00:02:10,966 That's it Rodney. I've got a coup. I've pulled off a genuine coup. 18 00:02:11,453 --> 00:02:13,730 Oh, not another coup! What you done this time? 19 00:02:14,754 --> 00:02:19,446 We have got someone coming to stay with us for the next couple of weeks. A paying guest! 20 00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,670 - Yeah? Who's that then Del? - It's not a 'who' it's a 'what'. 21 00:02:24,081 --> 00:02:24,894 What? 22 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,758 Exactly, it's a dog! And I don't want any of your smart remarks either. 23 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,016 It's Boycie's and Marlene's puppy! 24 00:02:33,173 --> 00:02:35,523 They're going away on holiday tomorrow and they want us to look after it. 25 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,703 Why don't they just stick it in kennels? 26 00:02:38,314 --> 00:02:42,272 You see Marlene don't trust 'em! See, the thing is Rodney, 27 00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:46,226 for the last few years Boycie and Marlene have been trying to start a family right, 28 00:02:46,938 --> 00:02:49,914 but so far, as they say on the continent, nito! 29 00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:53,108 So what's this gotta do with their puppy? 30 00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:57,759 Marlene started getting broody, right, so old Boycie. He goes and buys her a little puppy for Christmas. 31 00:02:57,986 --> 00:03:06,408 I mean pukka thing you know, no mucking about, it's got a pedigree. Cost him 600 quid, 600 quid. 32 00:03:06,408 --> 00:03:09,355 Well I said to him, I said, you know Boycie, if you'd come to see me like, 33 00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:12,294 - I could have got you one much cheaper. - Cheaper like, you know what I mean? 34 00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:18,335 Anyway, Marlene right, she thinks that this puppy is her baby now, you know what I mean, 35 00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:24,716 and she don't want her baby put in some muddy old kennels. She wants it to receive personal attention! 36 00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:28,536 The sort that we can provide! For 60 quid a week! 37 00:03:29,572 --> 00:03:36,190 But Del, we don't know nothing about it! Cause canine welfare, right, that's a specialised profession. 38 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:41,201 Oh leave it out Rodney! I mean look all you've gotta do is feed it in the morning, right, 39 00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:44,154 take it for a walk across the adventure playground and Bob's yer uncle! 40 00:03:45,127 --> 00:03:48,924 - And what if Boycie and Marlene find out? - We'll have to swear the dog to secrecy won't we! 41 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,726 I meant, what happens if one of the neighbours tell them? 42 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,245 What are they gonna say? 43 00:03:57,123 --> 00:04:02,810 'We saw Rodney taking your dog every morning and every evening for a walk!' Well what's wrong with that? 44 00:04:03,094 --> 00:04:05,362 That's exactly what Boycie and Marlene want us to do innit, eh? 45 00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:07,293 Yeah, I suppose you're right. 46 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:14,101 What do you mean they saw Rodney taking the dog for a walk every morning and every evening? 47 00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:16,913 It's just a figure of speech that's all Rodders. 48 00:04:17,623 --> 00:04:20,019 Oh no it ain't a figure of speech. I know your games Derek Trotter. 49 00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:21,492 No leave it out. 50 00:04:25,788 --> 00:04:30,046 I'll have a headache for the entire flight now! You were supposed to be here 'alf an hour ago! 51 00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:34,193 No, no, we're on time Boycie! There must be something wrong with your watch! 52 00:04:34,466 --> 00:04:37,973 - 'Ere, don't wanna buy a decent one do you? - What from you?? You must be joking! 53 00:04:38,753 --> 00:04:43,034 - Why listen...Hello Marlene my love! - Hello sweetheart! 54 00:04:52,114 --> 00:04:53,991 - Did you have a nice Christmas? - Oh triffic yeah. 55 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,733 - I had a dog! - Yeah, we had a turkey same as every other year! 56 00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:03,513 You two are as bad as each other! 57 00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:12,560 Marlene, why don't you go an' get the dog then perhaps we can get going! 58 00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:15,061 Yeah alright, I'll fetch his food as well. 59 00:05:20,499 --> 00:05:22,555 - I don't like your lipstick Del. - What? 60 00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:29,933 So where you off to Boycie? 61 00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:36,589 Oh, we're just off for a couple of weeks in the Seychelles! You ever been to the Seychelles have you? 62 00:05:38,044 --> 00:05:43,770 - Dunno. Have we ever been to the Seychelles Rodney? - I'd have to check me passport. 63 00:05:45,915 --> 00:05:51,092 - Now you are quite sure you'll be able to look after this dog? - Of course I will! 64 00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,898 Yeah, oh yeah, Del's had lots of experience! 65 00:05:55,344 --> 00:06:04,427 Right remember, this is not just a dog. This is Marlene's baby! Sometimes I wish I'd never bought it. 66 00:06:09,591 --> 00:06:14,178 - You didn't tell me it was a Great Dane! - Didn't I? Must have slipped my mind! 67 00:06:14,901 --> 00:06:19,555 - I thought it was a puppy! - Gordon Bennett! 68 00:06:20,234 --> 00:06:24,124 - Duke, this is your Uncle Del and Rodney... 69 00:06:26,841 --> 00:06:30,388 - He's lovely ain't he? - Triffic! 70 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:36,022 Take him for walkies first thing in the morning, once in the evening and then again last thing at night. 71 00:06:36,276 --> 00:06:42,272 When it's his bedtime you put a blanket over him and then you talk to him for a while. 72 00:06:42,608 --> 00:06:44,421 You don't want us to bring his wind up? 73 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:49,265 No, he should be alright! And don't worry, he's housetrained. 74 00:06:50,351 --> 00:06:51,869 But we live in a flat! 75 00:06:55,786 --> 00:07:00,818 In here his vitamin pills. One in the morning, before break-fast, not after! 76 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:06,993 Marlene come along for God's sake, we still have a flight to catch. Come on, kiss him goodbye. 77 00:07:07,605 --> 00:07:09,401 Bye Del, see you soon. 78 00:07:09,946 --> 00:07:11,822 For Gawd's sake, the dog Marlene! 79 00:07:15,288 --> 00:07:23,313 I know Dooky's gonna miss his little Mummy, and Mummy's gonna miss her little Dookie-Wookie Wookie. 80 00:07:25,019 --> 00:07:28,778 - Makes you wanna throw up don't it? - Yeah, I feel a bit Tom and Dick myself! 81 00:07:29,614 --> 00:07:37,491 - Come on Marlene, we're gonna miss that plane! - If he bites you, don't scream - he's highly strung! 82 00:07:38,914 --> 00:07:40,494 Is it alright if we bleed? 83 00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:43,755 Oh he doesn't sink his teeth in. He's only playing! 84 00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:53,056 Bye-bye, bye-bye DookyWookie. 85 00:07:55,092 --> 00:07:56,972 - Did you switch everything off? - Yes! 86 00:07:57,296 --> 00:07:59,756 - Did you switch the burglar alarm on? - Yes 87 00:08:00,011 --> 00:08:02,345 - Did you lock everything up? - Get in the car! 88 00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:19,558 - Jump in! - After you Del! 89 00:08:24,032 --> 00:08:26,896 - I've got to get the food! - I'll wait. 90 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:31,053 Here look at this Rodney. 91 00:08:32,138 --> 00:08:39,079 Steak, chicken breasts, veal escallops! We're gonna eat well for the next week or so. 92 00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:41,392 It's supposed to be for the dog! 93 00:08:41,742 --> 00:08:46,617 You must be joking! That thing's gonna get a bowl of Kennomeat every day and think itself lucky. 94 00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:48,969 And what if Marlene finds out? 95 00:08:49,475 --> 00:08:54,741 And how's she gonna find out? I suppose Duke's gonna grass us up is he? 96 00:08:55,872 --> 00:09:00,713 Come on Rodney! Here, come on, do some work for a living. 97 00:09:11,298 --> 00:09:16,611 - That dog don't like me! - He's alright, he can smell fear! 98 00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:20,663 I'm surprised he can smell anything at all with that gallon of Brut you're wearing! 99 00:09:21,971 --> 00:09:23,313 Come on. 100 00:09:37,057 --> 00:09:40,094 - Your turn today Rodney. - It was my turn yesterday. 101 00:09:47,425 --> 00:09:48,980 Go on Rodney, take him for a run. 102 00:10:02,182 --> 00:10:09,093 Duke. Duke, here you are then. Come on, up you get old boy! 103 00:10:10,353 --> 00:10:16,494 Come on look...look...look ready! 104 00:10:26,572 --> 00:10:28,520 Come on Duke shake a leg! 105 00:10:32,972 --> 00:10:34,354 Duke!! 106 00:10:40,266 --> 00:10:50,072 Hello, he's nice, have you had him long? Or has he always been that length? I'm a Great Dane man meself! 107 00:10:50,479 --> 00:10:54,273 - Really? - Won Crufts two years on the trot! 108 00:10:54,891 --> 00:10:55,650 Really? 109 00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,697 Oh yeah, you might have seen me on the Chum advert? 110 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,700 I can't say that I actually have! 111 00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:06,492 There's nothing I don't know about dogs. You want any advice, you know I'm yer man. 112 00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:11,381 Well, Sacha, she's always tearing little holes in my carpet. What'd you recommend? 113 00:11:12,181 --> 00:11:18,660 A new carpet! As it happens I know this little bloke down in Wapping Way, he'll fit you up a treat! 114 00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:21,408 He's Iranian but he's got contracts in Persia! 115 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:30,015 - Del! Del! - This is my trainer! What is it Rodney? 116 00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:32,997 I don't wanna worry you but I think the dog's dead! 117 00:11:37,366 --> 00:11:38,912 Let me re-phrase it shall I? 118 00:11:39,227 --> 00:11:45,347 I don't wanna worry you but I think the dog is dead! Now come on! 119 00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:49,117 You just can't get the staff these days! 120 00:11:51,933 --> 00:11:54,520 - What have you done to it you dipstick? - I ain't touched it! 121 00:11:54,911 --> 00:11:56,805 This is a wonderful turn of events innit? 122 00:11:57,177 --> 00:12:01,732 Boycie and Marlene ain't even got the tops of their suntan oil, and we're burying their dog! 123 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,396 Look! 124 00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:18,049 Dukie. Duke. Come on then! Cats! Cats! Meow. 125 00:12:20,424 --> 00:12:23,758 No, he is not dead Rodney. Look at him, he's breathing look! 126 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:27,735 Thank Gawd for that! So what's the matter with him? 127 00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:30,989 Well I don't know do I? We'd better get him down a vet's! 128 00:12:33,263 --> 00:12:35,418 This is gonna cost an arm and a leg this is! 129 00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:37,863 Oi Del, shall I get his balls? 130 00:12:38,071 --> 00:12:41,029 You leave him alone! I don't want him waking up in a temper! 131 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:49,294 What? 132 00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:54,026 I was just thinking, that's all, All these years Marlene's tried to have a baby and failed. 133 00:12:54,377 --> 00:12:58,001 When you tell her her Dookie-Wookie's croaked it she'll have twins! 134 00:12:59,549 --> 00:13:02,690 - He is not dead! - He ain't chasing many cats though is he? 135 00:13:03,484 --> 00:13:05,368 Look, it might be normal! 136 00:13:05,671 --> 00:13:09,076 Normal? Del, what you tryin' tell me? Dogs hibernate or something? 137 00:13:10,476 --> 00:13:16,725 No, what I mean is. I mean is I mean...Oh I don't know what I mean do I! 138 00:13:18,272 --> 00:13:20,676 All I want you to know is I'm not blaming you! 139 00:13:24,159 --> 00:13:26,984 What d' you mean you're not blaming me? I ain't done nothing! 140 00:13:27,243 --> 00:13:28,876 That's why I'm not blaming you! 141 00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:35,472 When you put Duke in the back of the van did you catch his head when you slammed the door? 142 00:13:35,826 --> 00:13:38,290 - No I didn't! - Are you sure? 143 00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:43,635 Del, if you catch a Great Dane's head in a door, you know you've caught a Great Dane's head in a door! 144 00:13:44,936 --> 00:13:46,159 Yeah, I suppose you're right. 145 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,771 I'll tell you who's to blame for this. Uncle Albert! 146 00:13:51,045 --> 00:13:53,918 - Why, what did he do? - He didn't do nothing, he's just a jinx! 147 00:13:54,516 --> 00:13:56,514 Oh don't start all that again. 148 00:13:56,822 --> 00:13:59,956 I've said it before, I'll say it again. That man is a right Jonah! 149 00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:04,403 They reckon when he boarded his lat ship the crew shot an albatross for luck! 150 00:14:05,229 --> 00:14:07,487 Will you stop going on about bloody Albert! 151 00:14:07,864 --> 00:14:13,523 Well it's a bit of a coincidence though innit Del? I mean, yesterday we pick up a perfectly health dog. 152 00:14:13,874 --> 00:14:17,209 One night in the flat and 'wallop', the curse of the Trotters is upon it! 153 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,972 Everything is gonna be alright, I've got this feeling! Dookie's gonna be okay, 154 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,194 he'll come out in a minute, and he's gonna be full of life, full of vim and full of vigour. 155 00:14:26,856 --> 00:14:28,103 I wish I had your faith Del! 156 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,259 Well, what's the SP? 157 00:14:33,485 --> 00:14:36,147 Mr Collis is running a few final tests. He shouldn't be too long. 158 00:14:36,489 --> 00:14:38,863 - How's Duke? - He's holding his own. 159 00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:41,671 There are Rodney, he's up to his old tricks already! 160 00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:48,284 No, you don't understand. Duke is still unconscious! Look, why don't you sit down and relax. 161 00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:52,595 - Duke is in the best possible hands, I can assure you. - Yeah, yeah, okay, thanks darling. 162 00:14:59,976 --> 00:15:05,097 I'll tell you what I really feel bad about now? That leg of pork Marlene put in the bag for Duke. 163 00:15:05,327 --> 00:15:06,250 Well what about it? 164 00:15:06,497 --> 00:15:11,814 Well we ate it last night, didn't we! Dookie had to make do with a tin of dog food! 165 00:15:12,614 --> 00:15:15,410 Every mouthful of that meal made me feel more and more guilty. 166 00:15:16,643 --> 00:15:22,638 You should have let me know Rodney you and him could have swopped! Anyway, he had some of it didn't he? 167 00:15:22,891 --> 00:15:27,746 - What, warmed up left-overs for breakfast! - I didn't hear Duke complaining, did you? 168 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,506 We even had his steaks for lunch the other day didn't we? 169 00:15:31,716 --> 00:15:34,551 He's most probably sick to death of steaks, ain't he? 170 00:15:34,758 --> 00:15:36,544 Has them every day of his life! 171 00:15:37,716 --> 00:15:41,442 Can you now change the subject please? Bloody steaks and legs of pork! 172 00:15:42,510 --> 00:15:47,461 Can't we talk about something more...more...you know. 173 00:15:47,707 --> 00:15:49,441 Aesthetical? 174 00:15:51,093 --> 00:15:56,829 You want to...yeah, yeah, sure you take it away Derek. 175 00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:05,640 Couldn't 'alf give that one, couldn't you Rodney? 176 00:16:10,497 --> 00:16:14,833 - Doc, what news? - It's difficult to say. His heart beat is normal. 177 00:16:15,161 --> 00:16:16,188 Is that good? 178 00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:21,428 Of course! All the tests have proved negative, I'm just awaiting the results of his blood sample. 179 00:16:22,108 --> 00:16:24,612 Have you taken an X-ray? 180 00:16:26,306 --> 00:16:31,077 Yes, yes, there's no sign of any damage. It's a complete mystery! 181 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,754 Never mind, we'll keep him here as long as necessary. Where shall I send the bill? 182 00:16:35,059 --> 00:16:38,056 - I got the details here sir. - How long d'you think it'll take Doc? 183 00:16:38,252 --> 00:16:40,873 Oh, it shouldn't take long, not if I send it first class. 184 00:16:43,385 --> 00:16:46,846 No, no, no, I don't mean that. I mean how long will it take for Dookie's recovery! 185 00:16:47,848 --> 00:16:51,899 Oh, I see. Well it will take as long as it takes Mr Trotter! 186 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:59,499 All we can do now is keep a close eye on him and let nature take its course...what have you been feeding him on? 187 00:16:59,816 --> 00:17:00,963 Tins of... 188 00:17:01,126 --> 00:17:05,640 Steak! Steak, best porterhouse steak for his lunch. Liver for his supper. 189 00:17:06,821 --> 00:17:10,091 Roast pork for his breakfast. Only the very finest. 190 00:17:10,284 --> 00:17:12,654 He's had his milk, vitamins, you name it he's had it! 191 00:17:12,654 --> 00:17:17,416 Pork? For breakfast? Was it freshly cooked pork? 192 00:17:18,018 --> 00:17:23,389 - Yeah, freshly cooked the night before. - Did you re-heat it thoroughly? 193 00:17:24,602 --> 00:17:26,400 Well, we warmed it up a bit. 194 00:17:27,191 --> 00:17:29,215 You warmed it up a bit!? 195 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,480 I think we may have solved the mystery, 196 00:17:32,879 --> 00:17:38,114 Were neither of you aware that white meat, particularly pork, unless thoroughly re-heated, 197 00:17:38,321 --> 00:17:41,916 is a notorious breeding ground for salmonella poisoning? 198 00:17:42,499 --> 00:17:46,741 Salmonella poisoning!! You reckon that's what Duke's got? 199 00:17:46,926 --> 00:17:51,742 Well, a strong possibility wouldn't you say? This leg of pork, have you still got it? 200 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:57,424 - Not on us! - No it's at home in the fridge. 201 00:17:58,032 --> 00:17:59,543 Could you bring it in for examination? 202 00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:01,766 Yeah, we'll pop back and get it right away. Come on Rodders. 203 00:18:02,049 --> 00:18:04,215 Del. The dustmen come round today. Albert might have slung it! 204 00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:07,584 Oh no, that dozy old git! Can I use your phone? 205 00:18:09,329 --> 00:18:14,140 - If it is this salmonella poisoning, will he survive? - It depends what strain of salmonella it is. 206 00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:17,941 That's why I need to examine that meat! How long have you had the dog? 207 00:18:18,385 --> 00:18:23,572 - Oh er, one day. - One day? 208 00:18:24,195 --> 00:18:29,129 Oh, it's not our dog. it's a friend's, we're just looking after him! 209 00:18:30,608 --> 00:18:32,602 Albert? It's Del Boy. 210 00:18:39,158 --> 00:18:41,785 Listen Albert about that piece of pork in the fridge. 211 00:18:45,145 --> 00:18:49,322 Pickles and crusty bread. Sounds lovely. 212 00:18:49,517 --> 00:18:50,874 He's eaten it. 213 00:18:50,874 --> 00:18:54,552 I'll telephone the hospital from my office. Get him down here as quickly as you can. 214 00:18:56,668 --> 00:19:00,025 Albert, Albert - Uncle Albert. Now listen to me, listen very carefully. 215 00:19:00,528 --> 00:19:03,756 I want you to do me a favour. I want you to put a few things in your duffle bag, 216 00:19:03,999 --> 00:19:06,899 put your coat on and go and stand in the hall and wait for me and Rodders. 217 00:19:07,162 --> 00:19:12,003 We're gonna pop you down the hospital... You've gotta have an operation! 218 00:19:13,345 --> 00:19:15,509 - He won't have to have an operation! - A fiver says he does! 219 00:19:15,832 --> 00:19:16,855 Alright, you're on! 220 00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:25,357 What? I know you don't want to have an operation! Nobody wants to have an operation! 221 00:19:25,781 --> 00:19:31,108 But everyone at some time of their life has to have one! And today it's your turn! 222 00:19:32,803 --> 00:19:38,189 Now listen...You know that pork you had for dinner? I know you're gonna laugh at this Uncle... 223 00:19:38,465 --> 00:19:40,627 - A pound he don't! - You're on. 224 00:19:41,992 --> 00:19:48,447 Well, there's a strong possibility that it contained sam-and-ella poisoning! 225 00:19:52,702 --> 00:19:56,726 Oi, stop that, stop it, you're a grown man, pull yourself together, 226 00:19:57,468 --> 00:20:00,332 now listen we're gonna come down and pick you up in a couple of minutes, now be ready. 227 00:20:01,539 --> 00:20:03,602 Rodney you should have warned me about this. 228 00:20:04,032 --> 00:20:06,085 Warn you about it I didn't know myself! 229 00:20:06,453 --> 00:20:09,063 You're the one with GCE's ain't yer? 230 00:20:09,644 --> 00:20:14,514 Yeah. I got a GCE in Maths and Art! I ain't got a GCE in pork! 231 00:20:19,171 --> 00:20:22,183 We'll pop down and see him tomorrow. Thank you very much sister. 232 00:20:23,783 --> 00:20:28,028 And... Bonjour mon amour. Alright. 233 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:34,689 Ha ha, see what I mean Rodney, little bit of French knocks 'em bandy. 234 00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:38,771 Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about Albert? I take it we can't go and see him tonight then. 235 00:20:39,148 --> 00:20:45,473 Ar no, he's none too clever apparently, I mean you know and pipes and...gadgets, everything stuck in him! You know. 236 00:20:46,277 --> 00:20:54,840 - Oh well, waste not want not, do you want a grape? - Yeah. Cheers, bring 'em over here will you. 237 00:20:58,203 --> 00:21:03,671 - Oh did you get in touch with the vet's? - Yeah. He said Duke was...coma-tose! 238 00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:09,559 Comatose? Well funnily enough I thought of that when I saw him spark out in the back of the van! 239 00:21:09,991 --> 00:21:17,680 You'd be right Rodney wouldn't yer? 'Cos I bet with this comatose, most probably sleep is the best thin for him! 240 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:25,399 Rest, rest and more rest! Oh did they have to operate on Albert? 241 00:21:25,399 --> 00:21:30,366 - No. - That's a bit of luck. You owe me a fiver! 242 00:21:31,286 --> 00:21:33,689 - What? - In the vet's remember? 243 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:39,258 I said they wouldn't have to operate, and you said they would! And you laid a fiver on it. 244 00:21:39,888 --> 00:21:42,156 Never mind about that, the phone, go on, the phone, there may be work there. Look, go on, go on. 245 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:58,046 - Yeah? Who is it? Boycie... Boycie?? - Where is he? Has he come home early or something? 246 00:22:01,091 --> 00:22:12,747 So where are you phoning from Boyce? You're still over there? Yeah, Del? 247 00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:31,128 Del's not in at the moment! Oh yeah he's 'ere... Yeah, OK, put her on. Hello Marlene... 248 00:22:33,641 --> 00:22:41,440 Don't you worry about Duke, he's as happy as they come! Yeah, get down Duke! 249 00:22:43,809 --> 00:22:50,088 The little rascal, he's jumping all over me! Most probably recognises your voice, eh Marlene? 250 00:22:57,447 --> 00:22:59,258 She wants Duke to talk to her! 251 00:22:59,647 --> 00:23:04,564 Talk to her!? He's a bloody dog, the scatty mare! Tell her she can't! 252 00:23:09,665 --> 00:23:11,736 Come on Duke, talk to Mommy. 253 00:23:29,944 --> 00:23:34,140 He's gone running off into the kitchen now Marlene and there's someone at the door, so I've gotta go, see yer! 254 00:23:35,224 --> 00:23:37,039 Don't mess around with them books. 255 00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:53,519 - Oi, oi! You up to that again are you? Women in uniforms? - No I ain't. 256 00:23:53,711 --> 00:23:56,664 You wanna watch it Rodney, you're gonna end up married to an arkela! 257 00:23:58,356 --> 00:24:03,932 - Doctor, sorry, we've come to pick up our Uncle. - Mr Trotter. The nurse said he might be able to come home. 258 00:24:04,117 --> 00:24:08,605 Oh yes, of course. I'll, er, I'll just have a quick look at him first. 259 00:24:08,830 --> 00:24:12,229 Last night he underwent some rather – thorough examinations... 260 00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:15,233 Yes, so the sister said on the phone! So was there anything wrong with him! 261 00:24:15,552 --> 00:24:16,644 Not that I could tell! 262 00:24:16,804 --> 00:24:19,606 In fact I just had a phonecall from Mr Collis at the veterinary clinic. 263 00:24:20,370 --> 00:24:24,558 - Apparently the dog has now made a complete recovery. - Duke's back on his feet? 264 00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:30,260 Still, you did the right thing to bring your Uncle in. Better safe than sorry! Okay. Let's go and see how he is... 265 00:24:33,829 --> 00:24:37,285 - Mr Trotter. - You ain't doing nothing else to me are you? 266 00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:40,998 - No, no, don't worry! - Alright then? 267 00:24:41,307 --> 00:24:46,495 No I'm not! I was alright yesterday though! Yesterday I'd never felt better in all me life! 268 00:24:47,108 --> 00:24:50,777 But you had to drag me in here for bloody Frankenstein to experiment on! 269 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:55,816 They've had me on me back, on me belly, upside down, every which way but loose! 270 00:24:56,918 --> 00:25:03,900 Wires, pipes, tubes, bits of string, injections! And what d'you think they gave me for lunch today? 271 00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:06,583 Roast bleedin' pork! 272 00:25:08,868 --> 00:25:12,481 Oh well, you never miss much on the telly last night so... 273 00:25:12,966 --> 00:25:16,007 - What was wrong with me? - Er...nothing! 274 00:25:17,153 --> 00:25:22,517 Nothing?? You mean I've had stomach pumps, anemones, glucose drips 275 00:25:23,255 --> 00:25:28,204 and students drawing all over my belly with felt tip pens and there was nothing wrong with me?? 276 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,706 Great innit, eh? 277 00:25:31,351 --> 00:25:36,191 I noticed you didn't come and see me last night! I thought you too were busy visiting that dog? 278 00:25:37,389 --> 00:25:44,895 Fight for yer country, risk yer life in sea and flame, then you get old and everyone forgets you! 279 00:25:47,094 --> 00:25:48,622 Listen here you silly old s... 280 00:25:48,987 --> 00:25:53,881 ...sausage. We couldn't come and visit you last night 'cos you was under observation! 281 00:25:54,356 --> 00:25:58,059 - Oh, don't give that to me son! - We bought you some grapes! 282 00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:03,738 - Yeah, where are they? - We ate 'em! 283 00:26:06,181 --> 00:26:10,700 I see! I lay here last night, tubes sticking out of every place you can stick 'em in! 284 00:26:11,816 --> 00:26:16,473 Couldn't sleep, pills wouldn't even work, and all the time you two were eating my grapes! 285 00:26:17,956 --> 00:26:22,902 - Come on, we did miss you last night! - Did you? 286 00:26:23,302 --> 00:26:29,915 Yeah! We had no-one to spit our pips at! Come on Del, get him out of here, he's giving me the hump! 287 00:26:30,985 --> 00:26:32,035 Any problems? 288 00:26:32,402 --> 00:26:36,474 No doctor, there's nothing wrong with me! I feel full of fitness and vitality! 289 00:26:37,438 --> 00:26:43,346 - Good! Well, bye for now Mr Trotter, see you again! - Not if I see you first shipmate! 290 00:26:44,012 --> 00:26:46,417 Come on, hurry up, we're gonna get you home. 291 00:26:47,085 --> 00:26:49,310 The moaning, miserable old git you... 292 00:26:49,499 --> 00:26:52,586 Don't stop does he? Yeah! I mean, we got him all that treatment. All for nothing! 293 00:26:54,604 --> 00:26:57,155 And does he think anything of it? No does he hell! 294 00:26:57,392 --> 00:27:02,546 - Oh by the way. Sister gave me these. - Why, what's the matter with you? 295 00:27:05,277 --> 00:27:08,515 - No, no. She found them in your Uncle's locker. - Oh I see. 296 00:27:08,808 --> 00:27:13,813 Patients are not allowed to bring their own medication into the hospital. Bear that in mind in the future. 297 00:27:17,024 --> 00:27:20,690 What's he doing with these then? These are Duke's vitamin tablets! 298 00:27:21,451 --> 00:27:24,562 No, they're Albert's sleeping pills. I've got his vitamins tablets here. 299 00:27:31,864 --> 00:27:35,284 You've been giving Duke his sleeping pills! 300 00:27:35,962 --> 00:27:45,403 No! They were on the sideboard, and I just...Albert's been on the Bob Martins? 301 00:27:49,706 --> 00:27:53,903 - No wonder he's full of vitality! - What shall we do? 302 00:27:54,286 --> 00:28:00,438 - We just don't throw him any sticks! - Shall we tell him? 303 00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:05,168 No, no, no, it's a bit unfair after what he's been through! 304 00:28:06,216 --> 00:28:07,993 Yeah, let's tell him! 305 00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:18,351 Look, he's miserable enough as it is isn't he? 306 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:22,411 He'll probably think he's gonna turn into a werewolf or something! 307 00:28:23,815 --> 00:28:27,326 We just keep schtum about the whole thing. and no one'll be any the wiser! 308 00:28:27,548 --> 00:28:31,450 Just keep a very close eye on him when he goes by lampposts and things! 309 00:28:38,088 --> 00:28:44,284 Come on then Uncle. We'll get you home. And then Rodney's gonna take Duke out for a run. 310 00:28:46,117 --> 00:28:48,582 Actually you can come as well if you like Albert? 311 00:28:54,135 --> 00:28:58,722 - What's the matter with you two? - Nothing, nothing! Well come on. 312 00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:02,879 Come on boy! Come on. 313 00:29:06,224 --> 00:29:10,007 Subtitles by NVL