1 00:00:58,749 --> 00:01:02,131 He's good ain't he? I like that! Hope he don't do no more though! 2 00:01:03,181 --> 00:01:06,340 'Ere Trigger, you coming to the do Saturday night? Only I've only got two tickets left! 3 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,797 Yeah, put 'em down to me Mike! 4 00:01:07,981 --> 00:01:10,939 Good boy. Now they're 2.50 each but you can have the pair for a fiver! 5 00:01:11,153 --> 00:01:11,987 You're a pal! 6 00:01:15,931 --> 00:01:20,304 - Right, I'll go for a tenner on that one. - Royal Flush! Get out of that my son! 7 00:01:20,791 --> 00:01:24,624 I don't know where you're pulling 'em from tonight, Del Boy, I really don't! 8 00:01:30,967 --> 00:01:37,270 Now listen you cretinous little erks! There is a three-yard exclusion zone around this table! 9 00:01:38,087 --> 00:01:40,940 And if another one of your missiles should fall within it, 10 00:01:41,088 --> 00:01:47,861 I will personally shove it - point, shaft, feathers an' all, right up your gear box! Do I make myself clear? 11 00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:54,746 - Yeah, alright Boycie, we get yer drift. - Well just be aware then, eh, just be aware... 12 00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:02,349 Bloody peasants! 13 00:02:02,515 --> 00:02:05,204 That's what I like about you Boycie, you've always been such a good loser! 14 00:02:05,470 --> 00:02:08,201 Yeah, I've had plenty of bloody practice where you're concerned, ain't I? 15 00:02:08,912 --> 00:02:11,176 Mike says no gambling. He's frightened of losing his licence. 16 00:02:11,574 --> 00:02:16,337 Trigger, Michael knows very well what he can do with his bloody licence! I'm tryin' to win my money back here. 17 00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,460 Alright, alright. There's plenty of time Boycie. Listen, I'll go and get some drinks. 18 00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:21,223 What do you want, scotch, scotch, Trigger? 19 00:02:21,371 --> 00:02:22,479 - Cheers Del. - About time an' all. 20 00:02:23,804 --> 00:02:25,089 - Alright Tommy? - Hello Del. 21 00:02:25,308 --> 00:02:28,535 'Ere, listen. Tell the enemy that I haven't forgotten about her sandwich toaster, 22 00:02:28,779 --> 00:02:30,148 I'll pop it round to her in the morning, alright? 23 00:02:30,878 --> 00:02:32,880 Michael please, three scotches if you don't mind. 24 00:02:33,733 --> 00:02:38,059 Del, I've told you before, do not gamble in the pub! I'll lose my licence. 25 00:02:38,772 --> 00:02:40,327 Yeah why, no it's only a friendly game. 26 00:02:40,726 --> 00:02:44,686 Friendly, friendly? I've seen at least fifty quid change hands in here tonight! 27 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,395 That's what I mean, it's a friendly game! 28 00:02:47,093 --> 00:02:50,787 There you are, put the rest in the bottle, will you...I'm in the mood for love. 29 00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:54,273 'Ere Del, Del. D'you want tickets for the do Saturday night, I've only got two left? 30 00:02:54,679 --> 00:02:55,832 Yeah, on then, I'll have 'em. 31 00:02:56,216 --> 00:03:01,947 - Maureen, give them to Del, will you. And get the money. - That's a fiver. 32 00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,624 Yeah, alright, go on, get the money yourself. Help yourself. They're in my pocket. 33 00:03:14,407 --> 00:03:15,420 There's no money in there! 34 00:03:15,582 --> 00:03:19,074 I know, it's in me jacket pocket! Go on help yourself. 35 00:03:20,024 --> 00:03:22,538 - You're a swine, you really are. - Take a pound for yourself. 36 00:03:22,861 --> 00:03:27,582 - Yeah I will, thanks very much. - And thank you very much. 37 00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,386 - Maureen...Vodka and lemonade, please. - Vodka and lemonade. 38 00:03:36,722 --> 00:03:40,081 Oi Mickey, alright? We going down the pizza palace later on then? 39 00:03:40,752 --> 00:03:43,627 Well, we're going down there! But we're with the birds see! 40 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:48,953 Oh right. Yeah, well, I didn't fancy a pizza to be honest! 41 00:03:49,144 --> 00:03:51,182 Gotta be up early market and all that. 42 00:03:51,450 --> 00:03:55,800 'Ere Rodney, do you want tickets for the do Saturday night, only I've only got two left? 43 00:03:56,476 --> 00:03:59,376 - Well he won't want two, will he Mike? - Why won't I want two? 44 00:03:59,725 --> 00:04:03,033 - Well you won't be bringing a bird will you? - Why shouldn't I be bringing a bird? 45 00:04:03,734 --> 00:04:06,896 There's no reason Rodney, but why break the habits of a lifetime? 46 00:04:08,871 --> 00:04:11,876 - Yeah, I'll have the two Mike! How much? - Good boy, that's a fiver. 47 00:04:15,643 --> 00:04:19,647 - Who you bringing then, your Uncle Albert? - I'm bringing a girl! 48 00:04:20,114 --> 00:04:22,106 - Oh give over Rodney! - I'm bringing a girl! 49 00:04:22,616 --> 00:04:23,771 What's her name? 50 00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:29,595 It's none of your business! You'll have to find out Saturday night, won't you! 51 00:04:30,658 --> 00:04:34,443 Who is it? 'Ere it's not that sort form the fishmonger's is it? 52 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:40,229 No it ain't that sort form the fishmongers actually. This one happens to be in showbusiness. 53 00:04:40,789 --> 00:04:43,149 Showbusiness. You're a liar. 54 00:04:43,341 --> 00:04:46,663 I'm telling you the truth,Mickey. You wanna see her, an' all, she's a right bramma! 55 00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:50,073 Well, I've got ten says you won't bring a bird on Saturday night! 56 00:04:50,405 --> 00:04:52,314 - Make it 20? - Alright, 20! 57 00:04:53,246 --> 00:04:55,795 Oi, oi, oi. What's all the noise? I can't hear myself think here. 58 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,367 He's betting me I ain't got a bird to bring to the do Saturday. 59 00:04:58,535 --> 00:05:03,699 - Well, you ain't have you? What really? - Yes. 60 00:05:05,677 --> 00:05:09,166 Go on then Rodney, go on, take him the mouthy git! Go on. 61 00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:15,367 - I'll tell you what, make it 30. - Make it 40 if you like! 62 00:05:15,804 --> 00:05:22,712 - Go'n, go'n Rodney my son! - I know, I know let's make it a nice round 50. 63 00:05:24,919 --> 00:05:29,743 You're on! I'll see you Saturday, and you'd better bring your money with you. 64 00:05:31,136 --> 00:05:32,877 He's got more front than Buckingham Palace ain't he? 65 00:05:33,219 --> 00:05:35,822 Don't worry, come Saturday night you'll be the one that's laughing won't you? 66 00:05:36,623 --> 00:05:39,932 Yeah, that's it. Come on, come and sit down over here and hold yer noise, right. 67 00:05:40,285 --> 00:05:43,956 - Here are Dave, you can sit here, I'm going. - Are we playing cards or what? 68 00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,741 - Yeah come on. - About bloody time an' all. 69 00:05:47,108 --> 00:05:48,845 Right it'll be down to you then Boycie. Here... 70 00:05:49,119 --> 00:05:50,707 Keep yer money to yourself will you, 'cos of old... 71 00:05:53,592 --> 00:05:55,308 Okay, I will go a pound. 72 00:05:55,853 --> 00:05:57,748 - Yeah, go on I'll have some of that. Two pound. - Four. 73 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:00,301 - Eight. - Sixteen. 74 00:06:01,303 --> 00:06:02,667 - Thirty-two, go on. - Sixty-four!... 75 00:06:10,474 --> 00:06:13,016 It's gonna cost you 128 to see me Del Boy. 76 00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:16,461 Just a minute Boycie! Just a minute. This is supposed to be a friendly game ain't it. 77 00:06:16,678 --> 00:06:18,828 Friendly? It's the start of World War Three ain't it? 78 00:06:19,157 --> 00:06:22,157 Well what can we do Del, it's just the way the bids have gone! 79 00:06:22,306 --> 00:06:23,232 I'll tell you what we can do! 80 00:06:23,402 --> 00:06:30,007 We can both take our bets back, and start all over again, and just you know try to play a little more sensibly. Alright? 81 00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:36,718 - Alright Del Boy! Anything you say. Right, a pound. - I'll see you! 82 00:06:40,779 --> 00:06:41,946 I've got three tens! 83 00:06:42,134 --> 00:06:46,541 Oh well that beats me out of sight Boycie. Well played my son. Goodnight. Come on Rodney let's go! 84 00:06:54,378 --> 00:07:00,237 Then I said to him, 'I'll see you!' Well you should have seen his face Uncle, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry! 85 00:07:00,435 --> 00:07:01,648 It was a picture weren't it Rodders? 86 00:07:01,972 --> 00:07:05,169 Boycie's face - when I tucked him up at cards! 87 00:07:05,537 --> 00:07:06,686 Yeah, yeah, it was triffic! 88 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,192 - Wassamatter with you Rodney? - Nothing! 89 00:07:11,578 --> 00:07:17,076 Come on Rodders cheer up. Pay day tomorrow and then it's Saturday when you take Mouthy Mickey to the cleaners! 90 00:07:17,661 --> 00:07:19,144 Well that's what's bothering me Del. 91 00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:22,318 Oh Rodney. You ain't starting to feel sympathy for him 'ave you? 92 00:07:22,748 --> 00:07:26,880 I mean, he's got far too much rabbit. It's about time he was put in his place once and for all that boy. 93 00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:32,009 Del - I ain't got a girl for Saturday night! I ain't got a girl for any night! 94 00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:36,668 You ain't got a...Well why did you keep upping the ante? 95 00:07:37,049 --> 00:07:42,857 You told me to! You were stood behind me going 'Go on Rodney, go on my son!' 96 00:07:43,417 --> 00:07:45,775 That's because you said you had a girl and I believed you! 97 00:07:45,972 --> 00:07:47,726 Yeah, well I weren't telling the complete truth! 98 00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:52,969 Telling the complete truth! You were lying through yer back bloody teeth, you stupid little berk! 99 00:07:53,399 --> 00:07:57,580 - He stands to lose fifty quid on this! - Why d'you have to tell lies Rodney? 100 00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:01,853 It was pride talking weren't it? 101 00:08:02,042 --> 00:08:06,822 I mean, there was Mickey Pearce and all the others and they was laughing at me! So I pretended! I lied! 102 00:08:07,526 --> 00:08:09,896 Anyway, what's to say I won't meet a girl by Saturday night? 103 00:08:10,242 --> 00:08:13,330 That's the spirit Rodney! There's loads of girls on this estate. 104 00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:15,758 And one of 'em must be willing to go out with you! 105 00:08:16,171 --> 00:08:18,727 Well, the thing is Albert, I've been out with most of 'em in the past. 106 00:08:19,327 --> 00:08:20,558 What, didn't they like you? 107 00:08:20,817 --> 00:08:23,753 Well they haven't started a fan club yet, have they Rodney? 108 00:08:24,468 --> 00:08:26,069 No Del, they ain't have they? 109 00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:28,475 'Ere, I've got it! I've got it! 110 00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:33,227 What about that tubby girl, who lives down by the community hall there, she'll go out with you Rodney. 111 00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:35,119 'Cos she ain't got a full deck! 112 00:08:36,698 --> 00:08:39,454 I can sort this one out on my own, thank you Derek! 113 00:08:39,741 --> 00:08:40,706 Alright, alright, up to you. 114 00:08:40,894 --> 00:08:43,911 - 'Ere, what about the girl from the fishmonger's - No thank you Uncle! 115 00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:50,278 Got it, cracked it. Remember a couple of months ago when I took you out on that blind date? 116 00:08:50,685 --> 00:08:53,920 Remember it?? I'm still having therapy for it! 117 00:08:55,231 --> 00:08:58,989 You are not honestly suggesting I spend another evening with Big Brenda? 118 00:08:59,737 --> 00:09:03,917 Just 'cos she's taller than you! Anyway, I heard she was a very sporting girl! 119 00:09:04,178 --> 00:09:06,605 Yeah, but when you told me she was a sporting girl 120 00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:10,352 I didn't realise you meant she was Southern Areas Shot-put Champion! 121 00:09:11,605 --> 00:09:14,861 Well you seemed to get on with hervery well, you were laughing and dancing and that. 122 00:09:15,261 --> 00:09:20,902 Del, I was scared of her! Anyway, if you think I'm walking into the Nag's Head on Saturday night 123 00:09:21,131 --> 00:09:24,555 with Miss Anabolic Steroids on me arm, you've got another think coming. 124 00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:29,804 I could not stand another night of: 'So I said to Zola' and 'Zola said to me!' 125 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:35,120 Oh well, you'll have to sort it out yourself Rodney, I mean, you know I've done me best, ain't I, eh? 126 00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:37,493 You wanna be careful Rodney! 127 00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:42,257 Look at that little thing you took to the pictures the other week - lucky not to get yer collar felt! 128 00:09:42,452 --> 00:09:45,414 Now that's not fair! She swore blind to me she was 18! 129 00:09:45,912 --> 00:09:49,067 That's right, how did Rodney know she was only nine? 130 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:53,064 She was 16 that month! 131 00:09:53,576 --> 00:09:57,754 Anyway, I didn't suspect nothing till she paid her fare with a school bus pass! 132 00:09:58,883 --> 00:10:02,370 And she did all the chatting up! You know. I mean she invited me to the pictures! 133 00:10:02,683 --> 00:10:05,592 Well she had to didn't she, they wouldn't let her in without an adult! 134 00:10:07,703 --> 00:10:09,987 Oh get off my back you two! I'm going to bed! 135 00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:19,427 Rodney, listen you are sure you don't want me to phone up that Big Brenda? 136 00:10:20,755 --> 00:10:27,101 Oi, watch your language, these walls are paper thin! I don't know, Uncle. 137 00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:32,423 I don't know what the younger generation's coming to, they can't even swear without effing and blinding! 138 00:10:37,123 --> 00:10:42,126 Yeah, yeah, alright then darling. Yeah, no it's been lovely hearing your voice after all these years! 139 00:10:43,072 --> 00:10:45,880 Okay, see you around then. Bonjour. 140 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:49,553 Oh well. That's it. That's it. That was the last one. 141 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,140 Last what? 142 00:10:52,123 --> 00:10:55,768 I've been phoning round some of my old girlfriends, see if I could pull something out of the hat for Rodney. 143 00:10:56,348 --> 00:11:01,683 No luck. I tell you what Uncle, phoning round some of your old birds don't 'alf make you feel your age! 144 00:11:03,347 --> 00:11:04,528 Any phone calls for me today? 145 00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:09,460 Yeah, that young Mickey Pearce called, said he had a phone number of a lonely hearts club for Rodney! 146 00:11:10,174 --> 00:11:13,417 Cor, he's a lairy little sod he is. I'd like to tuck him up, I really would! 147 00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:17,696 - Oh well, carry on. Alright Rodney? - Yep! 148 00:11:19,356 --> 00:11:20,589 Bloody hell! 149 00:11:21,865 --> 00:11:24,455 That reminds me, I'm playing dominoes down the Legion tonight! 150 00:11:31,287 --> 00:11:32,693 What have you done to yourself? 151 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:38,510 Del, what you see before you is the new me! The old Rodney Trotter is dead! Long live the King! 152 00:11:39,868 --> 00:11:43,817 - You look like a liquorice all-sort! - You ain't gotta wear it, have you? 153 00:11:43,978 --> 00:11:45,198 No, that's too true, I ain't! 154 00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:50,649 Look, I've still got a couple of hours left to win that bet! I'm going out to see if I can't bump into a right bramma! 155 00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:53,312 Make sure you don't bump into her on a zebra crossing. 156 00:11:54,455 --> 00:11:57,441 No, I mean it looks a bit like now you see me, now you don't! Do you know what I mean? 157 00:11:57,742 --> 00:12:01,662 Rodney, use your loaf, you're never gonna pull a tart dressed up like Bertie Bassett! 158 00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:07,077 - You ain't getting to me Del so save yer breath! - Alright. 159 00:12:08,081 --> 00:12:11,783 You know what would look good on you Rodney, a big white stetson! 160 00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:15,396 Do you know what would look good on you Albert? A doberman pinscher! 161 00:12:16,637 --> 00:12:21,652 Alright, alright, come on you two...Now pack it in. Listen, d'you want me to come with you? 162 00:12:22,106 --> 00:12:24,666 - You can if you like, I don't care. - Alright, alright, I'll come with you. 163 00:12:25,636 --> 00:12:27,552 - What you gonna wear? - Sunglasses I should think! 164 00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:29,224 Oh don't bother, I'll go on me own. 165 00:12:29,511 --> 00:12:32,563 Calm down, calm down. Come on, calm down, have a cup of tea. 166 00:12:32,906 --> 00:12:35,890 - And will you stop winding him up! - I ain't said a word! 167 00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:37,553 No, well just make sure you don't then! 168 00:12:44,746 --> 00:12:48,811 I don't know what it is, but I keep getting this yearning to put my Bobby Crush LP on! 169 00:12:51,502 --> 00:12:53,714 Alright, where, Rodney, where did you get that? 170 00:12:54,346 --> 00:12:55,661 I bought it off Paddy the Greek! 171 00:12:55,944 --> 00:13:00,570 Paddy...the Greek! Pad...That's the rubbish I sold him last Monday! 172 00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,759 When I offered it to you then, you weren't interested! 173 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,666 Yeah, I know, but he was cheaper than you! 174 00:13:07,666 --> 00:13:09,263 Yeah, well, I've got to cover me overheads ain't I! 175 00:13:09,492 --> 00:13:13,180 Look, there's gotta be easier ways to win a bet than this ain't there. 176 00:13:13,547 --> 00:13:18,057 There's something I don't understand! All these young girls on the estate that you've taken out. 177 00:13:18,745 --> 00:13:21,148 - What about 'em? - How come none of 'em want to see you again? 178 00:13:21,345 --> 00:13:23,224 Yeah, that is a bit of a mystery innit, eh that? 179 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:28,067 Alright seeing as how it's 'National let's take the piss out of Rodney week'. 180 00:13:28,855 --> 00:13:33,624 - I will tell you. I frighten them off! Alright? - Frighten them off? 181 00:13:34,186 --> 00:13:37,069 Yeah, well he's got this thing about uniforms ain't he, you know what I mean. 182 00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:41,819 It's got nothing to do with uniforms! I got over that phase months ago! 183 00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:47,103 Alright, look, to morons like Mickey Pearce, and... 184 00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:53,928 ...some of the others, a woman is not a person, to talk to, someone to relate to. 185 00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:58,628 Oh no, a woman is just a trinket to bolster their masculinity. 186 00:13:58,851 --> 00:14:03,892 You know, something to hang on their arm to prove their macho image! Well I'm different! 187 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:10,107 No, no, there's nothing like that about him. 188 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,526 Look either I like a girl, or I don't! If I don't like her Idon't see her no more! 189 00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:21,396 But if I do like her, I...tend to get a bit serious! 190 00:14:21,946 --> 00:14:24,635 And well I think that's what's frightening 'em off! 191 00:14:25,123 --> 00:14:30,954 They're young, you know, they want to see a bit of life – perhaps they don't want a wally like me drooling round 'em! 192 00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:34,417 I just fall in love too easy, that's my trouble! 193 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,938 It's our family trait Del! Us Trotters wear our hearts on our sleeves! 194 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:45,100 - Leave it out...he wears his heart in his Wranglers! - Oh, here we go again! See! 195 00:14:45,423 --> 00:14:49,375 You don't know what love is Rodney, you haven't had enough experience to know! 196 00:14:49,595 --> 00:14:50,866 I bet you have though ain't yer? 197 00:14:51,032 --> 00:14:54,797 I certainly have bruv! I am covered in emotional scars me. 198 00:14:56,550 --> 00:14:57,710 I was in love once! 199 00:14:57,877 --> 00:15:03,515 Yeah? Triffic! You see Rodders, I used to have this vision of love! 200 00:15:04,966 --> 00:15:13,300 I used to imagine that me, me and my - sweetheart - were running, in slow motion, through a field of buttercups! 201 00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:19,312 We're both - you know, we're both like that dressed in white, and you know like... 202 00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:20,708 ...I'd done a bit of weight! 203 00:15:21,134 --> 00:15:29,019 And suddenly - there in the background I can hear Semprini's orchestra 204 00:15:29,171 --> 00:15:32,555 playing the theme tune from Doctor Zhivago! 205 00:15:35,273 --> 00:15:37,140 - Where's he going? - Probably gone to be sick! 206 00:15:38,859 --> 00:15:40,490 Shut up and listen, listen will yer? 207 00:15:41,251 --> 00:15:46,321 Then again, you see another time - another time. I imagine us at the top of an Alpine peak. 208 00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:50,024 Looking out across the mountains and the forests, 209 00:15:51,165 --> 00:15:56,631 it's just like as if we're the last two people left alive in the world. 210 00:15:57,362 --> 00:16:03,089 But suddenly behind us you hear the sound of a lone violin. 211 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,637 - Semprini on a skiing holiday is it? - Will you shut up and listen? 212 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:12,006 Oh, come on Del, that ain't a vision of love, it's a yoghurt commercial! 213 00:16:13,178 --> 00:16:14,354 Oh well, thank you very much. 214 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,613 There I am tryin' to give you the benefit of my experience and what do you do, eh, 215 00:16:17,796 --> 00:16:20,014 you throw it back in my face. Well thank... 216 00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:23,256 - What's this? - That's Helga! 217 00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,390 - Helga? - Helga who? 218 00:16:25,676 --> 00:16:29,548 I was in love with her! I don't think I ever really stopped loving her! 219 00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,740 Yeah, well it's getting on ain't it, if we're going down the club. 220 00:16:33,036 --> 00:16:38,045 It was in 1946. We'd sailed in to Hamburg to pick up some prisoners of war. 221 00:16:38,975 --> 00:16:40,948 Helga was working in a bar near the docks. 222 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:48,079 She was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen – I fell in love with her the moment I saw her! 223 00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:52,416 The little finger on her right hand was missing! 224 00:16:56,785 --> 00:16:58,442 Caught her hand in the till did she? 225 00:17:01,013 --> 00:17:05,612 No, she lost it when her home was bombed. Her entire family was wiped out! 226 00:17:06,815 --> 00:17:07,740 Oh! Sorry! 227 00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:12,961 I asked her to marry me. She said no! Just like that, no! 228 00:17:13,521 --> 00:17:16,715 See, I mistook her gestures of friendship as tokens of love! 229 00:17:17,348 --> 00:17:19,341 I suppose it was all for the best really. 230 00:17:19,811 --> 00:17:23,112 You see theauthorities didn't like us fraternising with the Germans, 231 00:17:23,414 --> 00:17:28,146 and I was still married to yer aunt Ada and she'd have kicked up a stink! 232 00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:34,906 It's funny you know, but even after all this time, if I'm ever watching a German war film 233 00:17:35,415 --> 00:17:39,244 and I hear the word 'nein' I always think of Helga! 234 00:17:42,008 --> 00:17:44,227 What, 'cos that's how many fingers she had? 235 00:17:48,711 --> 00:17:54,544 It's the German word for 'no'! I'll put this back in the box. 236 00:17:54,822 --> 00:17:56,824 Yeah, that's it. Go on, you put it somewhere safe. 237 00:17:57,811 --> 00:18:03,860 I think in her own way she loved me! She never used to charge me as much as the other lads! 238 00:18:09,601 --> 00:18:13,479 He tells a good story don't he? It gets you right here. 239 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:20,006 Like bile. Well come on - come on, shake a leg. Come on. 240 00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:21,425 No, I don't think I'll bother Del! 241 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,812 Yeah come on, Rodney, come on you've gotta make an effort! 242 00:18:23,973 --> 00:18:25,442 No, I'm never gonna pull a bird, am I. 243 00:18:25,607 --> 00:18:29,742 Yes you are. Come on like, remember, he who dares wins! 244 00:18:29,893 --> 00:18:32,765 Yeah, but that won't work for me Del! I'll just have to pay Mickey the money that's all. 245 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,243 No you don't listen. I'll tell you what you're gonna do. 246 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:42,689 Listen. I'll buy the bet off you. Right, now if we win, I collect the 50. If we lose, I pay out. 247 00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:44,530 - How's that grab you? - Yeah, alright then! 248 00:18:44,829 --> 00:18:46,567 Good boy, you know it makes sense! 249 00:18:46,921 --> 00:18:50,692 Now, come on then, we're gonna go down and give those dance halls a bit of an' hammering tonight! 250 00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:54,504 'Come on let's twist again like we did last summer.' 251 00:18:54,672 --> 00:18:59,417 Yeah Del, this time, you know, let's not just go crashing in there right and - kick 'em in the ankles and 'Wanna dance darling?' 252 00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:03,227 You know, let's have a bit of decorum this time, eh? Bit of sophistication! 253 00:19:03,837 --> 00:19:05,936 What are you talking about? Sophistication is my middle name! 254 00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:08,118 Yeah, I know, I know, I just forgot! 255 00:19:08,317 --> 00:19:13,101 Well that's alright then! Don't you worry. Listen, I'm just gonna have a - a clean pants, splash of Brut, 256 00:19:13,259 --> 00:19:16,819 - be with you in a minute, alright son. - Triffic! 257 00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:27,208 I don't know. Stone me. I right blinding night this has turned out to be ain't it, eh, cor we've been everywhere! 258 00:19:27,617 --> 00:19:30,983 Empire Leicester Square, Hammersmith Palais, you name it we've danced there! 259 00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:35,623 And the only thing I've pulled is a ligament in me back, trying to do that bloody break dancing. 260 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:39,368 Surely to goodness Rodney, one of them girls would have done you! 261 00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:42,573 No, no, they wouldn't Del! This one's got to be something a bit special. 262 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:46,832 I told Mickey she was in showbusiness. You know, I made her out to be a bit of a film star! 263 00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:50,375 You didn’t tell me that when I took the bet of you did yer? 264 00:19:50,819 --> 00:19:51,437 No! 265 00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:53,022 No, you saucy little git! 266 00:19:53,444 --> 00:20:00,092 Honestly I don't - oh come - sit - put your tookers down there come on for heaven's sake. Take the weight of it. 267 00:20:03,843 --> 00:20:06,807 Well how are we gonna find a Bo Derek look-alike in Peckham? 268 00:20:08,155 --> 00:20:10,326 If it had been Bo Diddley we'd have been laughing! 269 00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:14,417 Well, we ain't gonna find her here, are we? What d'you bring us here for? 270 00:20:14,607 --> 00:20:17,033 - Looks like a trouble place to me! - It's not a trouble place! 271 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:22,234 - Del, there's dried blood on the door handle! - The cleaners night off. Don't worry. 272 00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:25,884 'Ere look at that - oi, down there - those two there - those two there. 273 00:20:27,773 --> 00:20:35,170 Do I look like St George? Oh come on Del, look at that one, she's older than the Mary Rose! 274 00:20:37,518 --> 00:20:43,243 She's alright. I thought you said that this girlfriend of yours was a bit of a film star. Bette Davis is a film star! 275 00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:47,349 Yeah, well so was Rin Tin Tin but I ain't taking a bloody alsatian to the do! 276 00:20:48,583 --> 00:20:50,559 Don't know, it hasn't bothered you other years! Has it? 277 00:20:53,158 --> 00:20:55,231 - God, look at the state of her, eh. - Eh, what? 278 00:20:56,049 --> 00:20:58,675 - You can see her wrinkles from here! - Alright, alright. 279 00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:01,682 Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, ain't she? 280 00:21:02,724 --> 00:21:06,032 Leave it - alright, go on, you can have the best one! 281 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,810 That is the best one!! 282 00:21:10,184 --> 00:21:14,256 I don't know what I'm going to do. I just bloody give up with you. I really do. What you drinking? 283 00:21:14,471 --> 00:21:15,177 Lager. 284 00:21:15,339 --> 00:21:16,963 That's all your gonna get. Oi, Orlando! 285 00:21:18,386 --> 00:21:23,249 - 'Ere Vonny. Vonny how are you? How you going? - Hello presh, how are you? 286 00:21:23,438 --> 00:21:26,283 Oh I'm alright. You know, I'm doing a bit here, I'm doing a bit there. You know me. 287 00:21:27,031 --> 00:21:28,877 What are you doing these days, you still stripping are you? 288 00:21:29,196 --> 00:21:31,965 I'm not a stripper Del, I'm an exotic dancer! 289 00:21:32,123 --> 00:21:34,967 Ah yeah, of course you are. Sorry. You still take yer clothes off though, don't yer? 290 00:21:35,145 --> 00:21:36,625 Well it's part of the act! 291 00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:40,189 Yeah, yeah. 'Ere I heard you got into a bit of trouble the other week. What was that? 292 00:21:40,332 --> 00:21:44,805 Did you hear about that? Bloody drug-crazed tourist, he jumped up on the stage after me! 293 00:21:45,277 --> 00:21:50,883 - He tried to strangle me you know! - Yeah I know, so I heard! How is the snake now? 294 00:21:51,858 --> 00:21:54,085 - Oh he got over it. - Oh good, good. 295 00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:58,101 - I've got the sack from most of my clubs now. - Oh yeah Orlando! 296 00:21:58,752 --> 00:21:59,647 Yeah, why's that then? 297 00:22:00,023 --> 00:22:02,569 Well, to be honest with you Del, I've been hitting the bottle a bit too much. 298 00:22:02,732 --> 00:22:03,534 Oh, have you? 299 00:22:03,691 --> 00:22:08,504 Doctor says I've got a drink problem. I said to him, I ain't got no problem, I like it! 300 00:22:09,918 --> 00:22:12,279 Of course, my real problem is frustration! 301 00:22:13,743 --> 00:22:15,215 Perhaps I could help you out there, couldn't I, eh? 302 00:22:15,824 --> 00:22:18,493 - I shouldn't be a stripper Del! - Oh I don't know, I think it suits you. 303 00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:23,209 Deep down inside I'm a singer! But no-one'll take me seriously! 304 00:22:23,497 --> 00:22:25,802 No, I know. Gives you the 'ump don't it, eh? 305 00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:30,534 'Ere just a minute. You know my local, don't you? 306 00:22:30,688 --> 00:22:34,071 The Nag's Head. Well there's a bit of a do on there tomorrow night, do you fancy going? 307 00:22:34,435 --> 00:22:36,737 - Will they let me sing there? - Well yes, they'll insist! 308 00:22:37,078 --> 00:22:40,696 - Alright then. You gonna pick me up? - No, well you see you won't be going with me! 309 00:22:41,106 --> 00:22:42,375 Who am I going with then? 310 00:22:42,515 --> 00:22:45,468 It's alright, you'll be going with my dopey little brother over there. 311 00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:47,278 Where? 312 00:22:47,482 --> 00:22:50,032 He's over there! Over there at that table, there look. 313 00:22:50,277 --> 00:22:54,352 Well there's no-one there, just some geezer dressed up as a negative! 314 00:22:54,486 --> 00:22:57,741 - Yeah, that's him! - Oh Del... 315 00:22:57,882 --> 00:23:00,453 - I stand to win a bet. - Oh Gawd! 316 00:23:00,607 --> 00:23:03,165 Listen Vonny. I'm on for a 50 here, alright. 317 00:23:03,384 --> 00:23:06,249 I'll tell you what, come on look there's a score in it for yourself. 318 00:23:06,595 --> 00:23:09,220 - Oh ta Del. - Alright. Go'n then! 319 00:23:09,886 --> 00:23:10,463 What? 320 00:23:10,624 --> 00:23:12,655 Well, you've gotta go over there haven't you and you've gotta chat him up! 321 00:23:12,806 --> 00:23:16,990 Make it look real! Go on. That's it, use your charm girl. Go on. 322 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,152 - Hi! - Oh, watcha! 323 00:23:29,633 --> 00:23:33,879 - Is this anyone's seat? - Em...No! No! 324 00:23:39,616 --> 00:23:43,071 - My name's Yvonne. - I'm Rod... Rod 325 00:23:45,898 --> 00:23:48,111 I haven't seen you in here before! 326 00:23:48,578 --> 00:23:53,957 No, well that's probably something to do with the fact that I've never actually been here before! 327 00:23:56,219 --> 00:24:01,710 - So, do you work here? - Oh no. I'm... erm... I'm in show-business! 328 00:24:02,703 --> 00:24:05,932 Really? You ain't done any films have you? 329 00:24:06,379 --> 00:24:10,184 Oh well, there was a couple when I was younger, but I'd rather not talk about it! 330 00:24:11,302 --> 00:24:15,991 I just called in here tonight on the off chance, I was hoping I might bump into some friends. 331 00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,800 I heard someone was throwing a party tomorrow night! 332 00:24:23,232 --> 00:24:26,094 But now it looks as though I'll have to spend the evening in on my own! 333 00:24:29,860 --> 00:24:32,802 Yes, I've got absolutely nothing to do tomorrow night! 334 00:24:35,476 --> 00:24:39,546 Listen, I've got a couple of tickets for a do! It's only a pub... 335 00:24:39,820 --> 00:24:43,563 - Oh, I'd love to go with you, thank you! - It starts about 8.30. 336 00:24:43,762 --> 00:24:44,811 Oh, I'll see you there. 337 00:24:45,073 --> 00:24:46,803 Well, hold on, I'd better write the address down for you. 338 00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:50,110 Oh it's alright, I know where the Nag's Head is! Must rush. 339 00:24:54,818 --> 00:24:59,822 - There you go. Don't tell me you've pulled! - I have. 340 00:25:00,401 --> 00:25:02,013 - You haven't! - I have. 341 00:25:13,789 --> 00:25:16,333 Rodney, Rodney listen. Now listen to me. 342 00:25:16,484 --> 00:25:21,486 Let me explain before I do something you'll regret, I'll explain to you, you see... 343 00:25:21,692 --> 00:25:25,650 - No Del, it's me Del. - Ah! Oh it's you. Come on in where's Rodney? 344 00:25:25,893 --> 00:25:28,540 He's coming up the stairs. Oh he's after your blood, Del. 345 00:25:29,901 --> 00:25:35,245 It wasn't my fault. Well not entirely. I only did it so that he could win the bet. 346 00:25:35,676 --> 00:25:41,321 I'm sure in the cold light of day Rodney will realise that Vonny's behaviour wasn't that bad. 347 00:25:41,689 --> 00:25:46,566 Oh it was bad, Del. It was very bad. At one point Rodney started crying. 348 00:25:54,029 --> 00:25:58,343 - I am going to kill you! - Careful, now listen, don't be a plonker all yer life! 349 00:25:59,695 --> 00:26:04,182 - You set her...up to...going out with me! - I did not set her up, I paid her! 350 00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:08,262 You paid her? Well that' worse! Come here. 351 00:26:08,602 --> 00:26:11,880 Alright, now listen, I only did it for you to win the bet. And to save your pride! 352 00:26:12,316 --> 00:26:15,660 My pride!? Tonight, in front of half of Peckham, 353 00:26:15,803 --> 00:26:20,565 the bird I told everyone was my girlfriend stood on the counter and took all her clothes off! 354 00:26:22,420 --> 00:26:24,115 I don't think anyone noticed Rodney! 355 00:26:26,091 --> 00:26:30,605 Well you certainly noticed Uncle! Because you stood on a chair to notice! 356 00:26:31,462 --> 00:26:33,558 At one point he almost knocked you off! 357 00:26:33,705 --> 00:26:34,684 That's right, he did. 358 00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:40,059 No listen alright, so she has one too many gins, I didn't know she had drink problem. 359 00:26:40,747 --> 00:26:43,660 No, I found out a couple of new things about her as well. 360 00:26:44,107 --> 00:26:46,526 I didn't know she could juggle light ale bottles. 361 00:26:46,725 --> 00:26:50,274 I didn't know she couldn't sing! And where did that snake come from?? 362 00:26:51,879 --> 00:26:54,801 I don't know! Nobody knows where it went either! 363 00:26:56,347 --> 00:27:00,894 That's it isn't it? I will never ever live this evening down. 364 00:27:02,110 --> 00:27:05,337 This is the sort of stuff that legends are made of! Right? 365 00:27:06,089 --> 00:27:09,770 I was telling everyone how me and Yvonne was thinking of getting engaged. 366 00:27:10,026 --> 00:27:14,595 And I turned round and there she is stark b...with nothing on! 367 00:27:15,411 --> 00:27:18,400 I had her singing in one ear and Hissing Sid in the other! 368 00:27:19,952 --> 00:27:23,489 - Yeah, but you won your bet didn't you? - Yeah, I won my bet alright. 369 00:27:23,825 --> 00:27:26,339 Ah good boy, did Mickey Pearce pay up? 370 00:27:26,684 --> 00:27:29,306 Yeah, he paid up - he was laughing but he paid up. 371 00:27:29,661 --> 00:27:32,000 Alright. Come on come on, let's have the 50! 372 00:27:35,394 --> 00:27:38,913 - What's this? 50p?? - Yeah. 373 00:27:40,482 --> 00:27:42,524 Oh, I bet I know what you thought! 374 00:27:46,950 --> 00:27:49,948 You and that Mickey Pearce, you're like a couple of bleedin kids! 375 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:56,364 I can't wait to tell the boys down the market! Rodney's girl did a strip and Del Boy won a 50p bet. 376 00:28:00,706 --> 00:28:06,191 Uncle, stand very still! There is a snake in the hood of your duffle coat! 377 00:28:09,050 --> 00:28:15,305 God there is too. Look at it. It's a big 'un. Quick go down and phone the vet's quickly. 378 00:28:24,972 --> 00:28:29,072 Subtitles by NVL