1 00:01:12,313 --> 00:01:13,236 - Are you alright madame? 2 00:01:13,442 --> 00:01:16,943 Oh, I'm sorry, I've spilled everything out of my case, I don't think the catch is working properly, 3 00:01:17,128 --> 00:01:19,696 I don't know what it is – thank you very much. 4 00:01:24,936 --> 00:01:27,176 So anyway, I says to her right, you know, 5 00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:30,849 I mean as gently as I could like I said, 'Engagement is a big step'. 6 00:01:31,248 --> 00:01:33,279 Yeah terrific, yeah right. 7 00:01:33,546 --> 00:01:36,859 I said you know, 'It's not the sort of thing you enter into very lightly'. 8 00:01:37,203 --> 00:01:38,753 No, no it isn't. 9 00:01:39,729 --> 00:01:43,874 Oh look at that. Oi, Calvin, spill your lager over this bar once more 10 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,849 and I'll smack you right side of the bloody ear 'ole. 11 00:01:46,015 --> 00:01:47,074 Sorry Del man. 12 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,190 This is not polyester you know, this is pure crimplene. 13 00:01:52,358 --> 00:01:55,252 - As I was saying... - Have you seen Boycie Del? 14 00:01:56,393 --> 00:01:59,642 - No no not recently, why? - Well he's looking for you, says it's urgent. 15 00:02:00,077 --> 00:02:02,550 Oh well, he knows where to find me Michael don't he eh? Knows where to find me. 16 00:02:03,439 --> 00:02:04,592 Now where was I? 17 00:02:04,978 --> 00:02:06,601 Hey, are you still going out with that little sort? 18 00:02:07,352 --> 00:02:11,576 Imogen, yeah, I'm still going out with her, that's what I've been telling you for the last ten minutes. 19 00:02:11,743 --> 00:02:12,758 Oh why, what's up then? 20 00:02:12,957 --> 00:02:14,690 Hello Corrie love how are you alright? 21 00:02:17,183 --> 00:02:18,183 Yeah, go on. 22 00:02:18,635 --> 00:02:21,338 She's getting a little bit too serious for my liking, 23 00:02:21,562 --> 00:02:24,850 and I'm trying to find a way of cooling her down a bit but I don't want to hurt her. 24 00:02:25,575 --> 00:02:28,394 All you've got to say is, you got to say, 'Imogen, you're giving me the hump. 25 00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:30,984 Now go away and haunt someone else for a change!' 26 00:02:33,123 --> 00:02:36,076 Yeah that's pretty... Del innit? I don't believe you. 27 00:02:36,727 --> 00:02:39,821 You're too soft with her Rodney, you're too soft, that is your trouble. 28 00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:43,820 Look, here y'are, you get the drinks in 'cause I'm going to pop over there to do a bit of business. 29 00:02:45,211 --> 00:02:50,125 Vicky, can I have a pint of lager in there and what's Del drinking these days? 30 00:02:50,533 --> 00:02:56,351 Oh God knows, Tuesday it was a Bacardi and Russian, last week it was Grand Marnier and Orange, 31 00:02:56,545 --> 00:02:58,725 the week before that was Dubonnet and Coke. 32 00:03:00,622 --> 00:03:03,167 Oh, give us a Tia Maria and Lucozade then. 33 00:03:21,487 --> 00:03:26,830 There you go look, it's fifteen quid, I can't say fairer than that - it's none of your foreign rubbish, look it's Japanese. 34 00:03:27,305 --> 00:03:28,987 Del, I've already got a watch. 35 00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:34,765 - Call that a watch? That's crap that is, that's crap. - You didn't say that when you sold it to me. 36 00:03:36,078 --> 00:03:39,116 No, no, Ted what I meant was, well, I mean its had it's day innit? 37 00:03:39,893 --> 00:03:44,057 Look, here, here, fifteen quid right, that's what I paid for it, you're getting it at cost. 38 00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:51,439 - Del, I don't fancy it. - Alright then, for you, a tenner, as it's the last one. 39 00:03:52,171 --> 00:03:52,925 Ten? 40 00:03:54,239 --> 00:03:56,615 Here, it's got a scratch on the face. 41 00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:59,145 Oh don't worry about that I'll get you another one from the back of the van. 42 00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:05,938 Look it plays 36 different national anthems, it tells you what day of the week it is and it's a calculator an' all. 43 00:04:06,325 --> 00:04:07,537 Blimey, is that the time? 44 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:16,219 Oh no it's still set on Oriental hours innit? Get your money out, I'll be back in a tick. Back in a tick, I like it. 45 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:30,597 - I was there Ruby. - Where, yeah but which one were you then? 46 00:04:31,102 --> 00:04:34,684 No, I didn't mean I was in the film, I meant I was in the battle. 47 00:04:34,863 --> 00:04:36,128 What battle is it? 48 00:04:36,441 --> 00:04:39,687 God knows I can't hear a bleeding thing with all this monkey music. 49 00:04:40,174 --> 00:04:43,572 Must have taken a lot of courage to do what you did Albert? 50 00:04:44,342 --> 00:04:48,430 - All them sharks and icebergs. - Yeah, and a giant octopus. 51 00:04:49,317 --> 00:04:51,705 Oh, it gives me itchy fever just thinking about it. 52 00:04:51,978 --> 00:04:58,086 Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming, nightmares about all the torpedoes, mines, 53 00:04:58,291 --> 00:05:02,895 kamikaze pilots - that's why I never talk about it Rube. 54 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,480 My Harry used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming. 55 00:05:07,495 --> 00:05:13,694 Yeah - sometimes he used to scream in the middle of the day. Bloody glad when they put him away I was. 56 00:05:14,713 --> 00:05:18,675 What did it was the tragedy that happened to our son. 57 00:05:19,024 --> 00:05:25,858 Harry just never got over it, he was such a lively lad, he went to school with Del Boy, 58 00:05:26,239 --> 00:05:32,876 they used to sit next to each other in class, Del must have mentioned him, Slater, Roy Slater. 59 00:05:33,161 --> 00:05:35,887 Slater - don't remember Rube. 60 00:05:36,173 --> 00:05:44,693 No, well maybe it's still too painful for Del to talk about, he was only 18, he had all his life before him. 61 00:05:45,006 --> 00:05:46,703 What was it a motor-cycle accident? 62 00:05:46,902 --> 00:05:56,817 No he, he joined the police, he's one of their top men now, he's put more people behind bars than Watneys. 63 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:22,172 I know it looks like...? That's why the girls...? Boycie. 64 00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:27,770 - Can I have a quiet word? - Yeah sure - watcha Abdul alright my son? 65 00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:28,843 Very well thank you. 66 00:06:29,012 --> 00:06:30,548 Hey, are you still up at that Hatton Garden are you? 67 00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:33,845 Yes, I am still at Hatton Garden. Could I have a word with you please? 68 00:06:34,011 --> 00:06:36,196 - Yeah course you can, why not? - We'll be in the back room. 69 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,783 Oh, oh alright I'll just get me drink. 70 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:44,093 Here, I've got to do a bit of business with Boycie and Abdulla. 71 00:06:45,051 --> 00:06:46,832 Oi, saucy mare. 72 00:06:47,463 --> 00:06:50,492 It's orders from the governor, there's a lot of forged money floating round. 73 00:06:50,782 --> 00:06:53,791 - You didn't check his money just now. - Yeah well, that's different innit? 74 00:06:55,742 --> 00:06:58,320 I'm going right off that girl - see you in a minute. 75 00:07:13,078 --> 00:07:16,338 - Alright Dave? - Watcha Trig, how you going? 76 00:07:16,516 --> 00:07:20,248 Alright, I'm feeling lucky tonight, you never know, I might pull 77 00:07:20,856 --> 00:07:24,351 so I thought I'd have a dab of Blue Stratos, put me best clothes on. 78 00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:28,066 - Yeah, what stopped you then? - These are my best clothes. 79 00:07:30,133 --> 00:07:33,445 - Hello darling, where you been all my life? - Piss off! 80 00:07:34,732 --> 00:07:37,278 - I always use that line with thebirds. - Yeah? Why? 81 00:07:39,017 --> 00:07:41,640 Dunno really, it never worked. 82 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:48,151 I see, so what sort of deal is it? 83 00:07:48,966 --> 00:07:53,546 I have recently made contact with a certain gentleman who runs this business in Amsterdam. 84 00:07:53,812 --> 00:07:56,476 Amsterdam - Amsterdam in Holland you mean? 85 00:07:56,994 --> 00:07:59,511 I told you he was the right man for the job, didn't I Abdul? 86 00:08:01,061 --> 00:08:03,509 My brother Sayeed has done business with him in the past. 87 00:08:03,830 --> 00:08:05,197 Do you know my brother lives in France now. 88 00:08:05,376 --> 00:08:07,759 - No, no I didn't know that. - Yes, yes, he's doing very well. 89 00:08:07,951 --> 00:08:09,230 - Is he? - Yeah, he's married now. 90 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,352 - Oh good. - His wife's expecting. 91 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:14,532 Get on with it Abdul for God's sake, otherwise we'll be here all bleeding night. 92 00:08:15,689 --> 00:08:20,175 Yes well, last week I flew to Amsterdam to see this gentleman in question, 93 00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:28,285 a Mr Van Kleefe and after some preliminary discussions Mr Van Kleefe has agreed to sell us some merchandise. 94 00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:34,188 - Merchandise, what sort of merchandise? - Diamonds. 95 00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:40,779 - Diamonds? - Thirty of them cut and polished blue diamonds. 96 00:08:41,199 --> 00:08:45,323 - Top of the range Del Boy. - Blimey, it's going to cost an arm and a leg innit? 97 00:08:45,761 --> 00:08:46,874 Fifty grand. 98 00:08:48,284 --> 00:08:51,127 Fifty grand, you and Abdul are weighing out fifty grand? 99 00:08:51,774 --> 00:08:55,964 In England they have a market value of one hundred and fifty thousand pounds. 100 00:08:57,699 --> 00:09:05,446 Bloody hell - I take it you're not going to bother to inform our friends at Customs and Excise of this little matter? 101 00:09:05,687 --> 00:09:08,855 No, well they're rather busy. I think they'd appreciate it. 102 00:09:11,041 --> 00:09:13,067 Really? Well anyway where do I come into all this? 103 00:09:13,776 --> 00:09:16,278 You're not expecting me to buy any off you are you? 104 00:09:16,454 --> 00:09:19,512 The thing is you know, I've had a few bad results lately and I'm potless. 105 00:09:19,742 --> 00:09:24,145 Leave off Del Boy, these gems sell at around five grand apiece. 106 00:09:24,908 --> 00:09:31,936 What we are asking you to do Derek is – is to take the money to Amsterdam for us. 107 00:09:33,738 --> 00:09:36,250 You want me to take fifty thousand pounds to Amsterdam? 108 00:09:36,533 --> 00:09:39,731 - Yeah and... - And what? 109 00:09:40,137 --> 00:09:44,123 And bring the diamonds back. 110 00:09:46,115 --> 00:09:48,263 Do you know for a minute there I thought you were serious. 111 00:09:49,542 --> 00:09:51,238 We are very serious Del, deadly serious. 112 00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:56,784 There is nothing to worry about Derek, Mr Van Kleefe has completed many of these transactions 113 00:09:56,951 --> 00:09:59,729 and he assures us nothing ever goes wrong. 114 00:10:02,746 --> 00:10:10,125 Up your kilt. What do you think I am? A total wally or something? 115 00:10:10,578 --> 00:10:12,140 We would look after you Derek. 116 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,180 Yes, I'm sure you would. You'd visit me once a month wouldn't you eh? 117 00:10:16,337 --> 00:10:20,181 Bring me cakes with files in – you find yourself another mug. 118 00:10:21,850 --> 00:10:23,658 We'll give you ten grand. 119 00:10:33,275 --> 00:10:36,434 - Ten thousand pounds? - Alright twelve. 120 00:10:37,046 --> 00:10:38,038 I knew he'd haggle. 121 00:10:38,302 --> 00:10:45,960 You berk Abdul. Alright Del twelve grand. 122 00:10:50,113 --> 00:10:56,023 Just think of it Del Boy twelve big 'uns – set you up a treat for the future. 123 00:10:56,368 --> 00:10:59,293 And there will be no problems, it will all be as easy as apple tart. 124 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:04,178 Well if it's as easy as apple tart how come you two ain't going yourselves? 125 00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:09,551 Well we're both scared of flying ain't we? 126 00:11:11,098 --> 00:11:14,835 Oh leave it out Boycie, Abdul's done more flying than sparrows. 127 00:11:15,057 --> 00:11:18,616 No, no, it would look very suspicious for me a registered Hatton Garden merchant 128 00:11:18,825 --> 00:11:20,351 to fly to Amsterdam too often. 129 00:11:22,393 --> 00:11:23,734 I don't know about this. 130 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:32,287 Look Del, we chose you specially, we needed someone we knew, someone we could trust. 131 00:11:32,549 --> 00:11:40,113 - Someone who was skint. - What happens if I get caught? 132 00:11:40,858 --> 00:11:43,733 Well Abdul and me have done our money haven't we? 133 00:11:43,921 --> 00:11:48,857 Done your money, your money? I stand to get banged up for five years. 134 00:11:54,142 --> 00:11:58,313 Right Del - fifteen grand. 135 00:12:08,622 --> 00:12:10,943 Not much use to you when you're locked up in the Scrubs though is it eh? 136 00:12:11,716 --> 00:12:14,180 We are paying you to take the risk Derek. 137 00:12:15,369 --> 00:12:19,395 It's a big gamble Del - and he who dares wins don’t he? 138 00:12:22,352 --> 00:12:30,048 'Course if it's too big for you Del, if you think you're a bit out of your depth just say so. 139 00:12:35,595 --> 00:12:37,124 Fifteen. 140 00:12:39,246 --> 00:12:44,707 See my problem is I don't want to hurt her, 'cause Imogen's a lovely kid you know, 141 00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:50,189 I mean she's gentle, she's sensitive and on top of all that she cares. 142 00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:53,731 I reckon she'd do a turn if you played your cards right. 143 00:12:54,789 --> 00:12:58,830 What's the point in discussing it with you eh Trig? We're talking on two different levels. 144 00:13:06,792 --> 00:13:12,634 Two and a half weeks we were adrift in the middle of the Pacific Ocean - got a nice tan though. 145 00:13:18,983 --> 00:13:23,786 Come on Albert we're going home. Quick Rodney, come on, home. 146 00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:29,917 Well suppose I ought to be getting on really – give Imogen a ring, 147 00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:36,828 tell her it's all over between us. Sorry can I just get past you? 148 00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:45,035 Sorry. Sorry, I was just trying to... Hello Imogen. 149 00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:57,025 Look, I know what you're doing, I just don't understand why? 150 00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:02,341 Mum said to me on her deathbed, she said 'Del Boy' she said. 151 00:14:02,648 --> 00:14:06,191 No, no, don't start on that. What do you think the odds are of you getting caught? 152 00:14:06,357 --> 00:14:09,335 Oh shut up Rodney, you've been going on about it all night. 153 00:14:09,568 --> 00:14:11,453 Del, you are smuggling diamonds. 154 00:14:13,345 --> 00:14:14,900 Do you think you could yell just a bit louder, 155 00:14:15,075 --> 00:14:18,611 'cause there's a geezer down there at the other end of the market who didn't quite catch it all? 156 00:14:19,636 --> 00:14:21,670 Del, do you realise what you're getting into? 157 00:14:22,717 --> 00:14:26,508 Yes I do know what I'm getting into, fifteen grand is what I'm getting into. 158 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,239 Look Rodney, this is not drugs or guns is it? 159 00:14:30,413 --> 00:14:34,574 I mean that, that sort of stuff kills people – it's only little diamonds – 160 00:14:35,715 --> 00:14:39,820 I try to bring down the cost of getting engaged, I thought you and Imogen would have been pleased. 161 00:14:40,936 --> 00:14:45,700 - Yeah well, me and Imogen's finished. - Oh so you finally told her then did you? 162 00:14:47,322 --> 00:14:49,332 - Yeah, sort of. - Did she cry? 163 00:14:50,185 --> 00:14:53,597 No, look Del smuggling diamonds is still illegal. 164 00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:58,579 It's only illegal because Boycie and Abdul ain't paying any import tax. 165 00:14:59,219 --> 00:15:01,504 Alright, right, supposing they pay import tax then eh? 166 00:15:01,863 --> 00:15:03,438 What do you think the government is going to do with that - 167 00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:06,269 they're only going to go out and buy another Strident missile ain't they eh? 168 00:15:06,578 --> 00:15:09,723 So you're telling me that smuggling diamonds is a blow for world peace? 169 00:15:10,401 --> 00:15:12,087 Every little bit helps Rodney. 170 00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:16,696 Well why don't you bring back a load of diamonds Del? You might end up with the Nobel Prize. 171 00:15:18,028 --> 00:15:19,252 Hadn't thought of that. 172 00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:24,491 Now come on Rodney we'll waltz through the customs at Gatwick, they wouldn't take any notice of us. 173 00:15:24,729 --> 00:15:30,520 Del, what do you know about diamonds eh, I mean to you diamonds are them things that you wear in your cufflinks and, 174 00:15:30,685 --> 00:15:33,241 to be quite honest with you I've seen better cats eyes. 175 00:15:33,916 --> 00:15:38,802 I don't have to know anything, Abdul's in charge of that side, we're just the couriers. 176 00:15:42,577 --> 00:15:45,029 Hang on a minute - what do you mean we? 177 00:15:47,398 --> 00:15:50,766 Look, you don't think I'm going to cut my little kid brother out of a deal like this do you? 178 00:15:50,923 --> 00:15:55,071 - What sort of bloke do you think I am? - Well your little kid brother don't want a cut in. 179 00:15:55,251 --> 00:15:57,287 A little while ago you said you wanted to be a courier. 180 00:15:57,660 --> 00:15:59,554 Yeah, for Club 18-30. 181 00:15:59,821 --> 00:16:04,351 Look, I'm going to need you on this one Rodney 'cause when that aeroplane lands you're going to be my diversion. 182 00:16:04,525 --> 00:16:10,164 Do you know how long I'd go away for, I've already got a record for possession of cannabis, ain't I? 183 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:16,372 Exactly, and that is what's going to be my diversion 'cause not only is Amsterdam the centre of the diamond trade, 184 00:16:16,595 --> 00:16:19,006 it's also the drugs capital of Europe right? 185 00:16:19,296 --> 00:16:23,475 So when we go through passport control they see Rodney Trotter nipping off to Holland they're going to say, 186 00:16:23,646 --> 00:16:28,110 'Oh, that little rascal he's after the old exotic stuff again'. 187 00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:31,121 When we come back through Customs who are they going to nab, 188 00:16:31,293 --> 00:16:35,798 me the sophisticated jet-setter in a camel-hair coat, or you the boomtown rat? 189 00:16:36,474 --> 00:16:37,949 Well they'll pull me won't they? 190 00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,879 So whilst you're inside being strip searched you know and all that game – 191 00:16:42,458 --> 00:16:44,569 me and the diamonds have been having it away down the kermit! 192 00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:51,101 Oh terrific, so while you're up the road jollying it up, it's touch your toes time for Rodney. 193 00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:55,124 Oh you won't come to any harm Rodney, it'll only be a minor discomfort – 194 00:16:55,473 --> 00:17:03,550 they'll let you go in a couple of hours and then you come home to five lovely grand - your share. 195 00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:07,976 Five grand? 196 00:17:08,185 --> 00:17:12,194 Five grand. Buy an awful lot of lollypops for five grand Rodney, 197 00:17:12,738 --> 00:17:16,653 get yourself a nice second-hand Capri, whip round to Imogens, 198 00:17:16,826 --> 00:17:19,125 get your old card stamped, know what I mean? 199 00:17:20,784 --> 00:17:30,759 I don't know, I've never actually been to Amsterdam, I suppose we could turn it into a bit of an 'oliday, eh? 200 00:17:31,237 --> 00:17:34,262 Well, yeah, I mean we'll be there at least an hour. 201 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:40,445 Look come on while you're thinking about it let's try and knock some of this gear out 202 00:17:40,666 --> 00:17:43,341 and make some of that stuff that we read about called profit 203 00:17:43,505 --> 00:17:46,140 'cause if all this falls through bruv we are right skint. 204 00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:51,093 - Denzil my son. - No. 205 00:17:51,710 --> 00:17:52,407 No what? 206 00:17:52,575 --> 00:17:53,928 No I don't want to buy anything, 207 00:17:54,170 --> 00:17:58,099 no I don't want to sell anything and no I don't want you to make me a millionaire! 208 00:17:58,808 --> 00:18:01,233 Innit, innit marvelous eh? Innit marvelous? 209 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:05,395 You just stop to say hello to an old mate and all you get is a load of old verbal – 210 00:18:05,855 --> 00:18:09,840 I don't want anything Denzil honest. What you carrying? 211 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,536 Nothing it's empty. 212 00:18:12,236 --> 00:18:15,460 Ah well, I could fill it up or you. You could earn yourself a few bob. 213 00:18:15,642 --> 00:18:17,783 Look, just leave me alone will you, alright? 214 00:18:18,094 --> 00:18:22,615 Corinne and I have just got back together again and I've had to promise her that I'd stop seeing you, 215 00:18:22,823 --> 00:18:25,934 stop getting drunk, stop gambling and get a steady job. 216 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:30,653 Is it my fault you married a wrong 'un? It's no reason to give me a bolly. 217 00:18:31,148 --> 00:18:33,367 Hang about there for a minute, I'll be back. 218 00:18:35,176 --> 00:18:39,945 It's everywhere I go you know, he's on the phone to me, he's at me front door, 219 00:18:40,836 --> 00:18:45,136 he's in the betting shop, he's in the pub and now he's in a bloody traffic jam. 220 00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:49,822 You know what Rodney, I get this feeling that he's haunting me, know what I mean? 221 00:18:50,205 --> 00:18:53,639 Yeah - yeah I know exactly what you mean. 222 00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:02,561 Hey what's up with him, what have I done now? 223 00:19:03,012 --> 00:19:09,736 I can't understand it Del, I mean all you've ever done is ruin his wedding reception, almost break up his marriage, 224 00:19:10,056 --> 00:19:15,756 flood his kitchen and steal his 2,000 pounds redundancy money, and he goes and gets all silly about it. 225 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:29,539 These are Japanese and these... 226 00:19:29,813 --> 00:19:33,513 ...are hairy knees. Right, now now what's the difference, I'll tell you what the difference is - 227 00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:38,037 These will not give you the time in all the major capital cities of the world, neither are they a calculator, 228 00:19:38,221 --> 00:19:41,944 nor do they play thirty-six different national anthems, but this... 229 00:19:42,105 --> 00:19:47,983 ...well this is a quality timepiece of precision craftsmanship that will cost you 67 pounds upwards - 230 00:19:48,157 --> 00:19:54,390 now, I'm not going to ask you for 67 pounds oh no, I'm not going to ask you for 47, I'm not asking 37 pounds. 231 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:56,512 Steady on Del, think of the profit margin. 232 00:19:56,703 --> 00:19:59,207 No no don't interrupt me now Rodney 'cause not while I'm in my stride, 233 00:19:59,646 --> 00:20:05,337 I'm not asking you for 27 pounds, this is 15 pounds for this quality watch ladies and gentlemen, that's all, 234 00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:08,599 this beautiful timepiece, yes ladies and gentlemen for a mere 20 quid. 235 00:20:08,821 --> 00:20:11,464 - No no you said fifteen. - I beg your pardon madame. 236 00:20:11,625 --> 00:20:14,036 - You said fifteen. - No I didn't. 237 00:20:15,466 --> 00:20:20,741 Hold on, hold on Rodney, no hold on, I do believe that I said 15 pounds, I'm sorry, I must be going mad, 238 00:20:20,988 --> 00:20:24,573 I'm sure I said, I'm going, alright darling just to show you that I'm a man of my word, 239 00:20:24,737 --> 00:20:27,598 go on you can have this watch for fifteen quid, go on, steal it from me. 240 00:20:27,874 --> 00:20:30,343 Go on, I'm losing money on the deal, right Rodney come on, 241 00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:33,864 get the rest of the watches out of this suitcase, 'cause there'll be a mad rush in a minute. 242 00:20:36,176 --> 00:20:40,142 - Oh they're not going all that well are they? - They're going down like saveloys in a kibbut. 243 00:20:40,913 --> 00:20:43,626 If I could just sell one I know that the others would follow... 244 00:20:44,716 --> 00:20:47,199 Here just a minute I've had an idea, watch this... 245 00:20:49,013 --> 00:20:52,942 Right here you are, listen ladies and gentlemen, listen, listen, excuse me just a moment, give us your time 246 00:20:53,111 --> 00:20:55,542 'cause I've just had a business discussion with my partner here on my right 247 00:20:55,803 --> 00:21:00,462 who informs me that we desperately need the space in the suitcase right? 248 00:21:00,867 --> 00:21:04,334 So what I am going to have to do, I'm going to have to give these watches away so here you go, 249 00:21:04,512 --> 00:21:06,665 I'm going to give them away at ten pounds each there you go, 250 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:09,828 go on, ten quid, fifteen quid to the black bloke can't say fairer than that. 251 00:21:09,997 --> 00:21:11,389 Why can't I have it for ten pounds then? 252 00:21:11,577 --> 00:21:16,337 For ten pounds sir, course you can. Rodney take this man's money, there you go, there we've sold that one, 253 00:21:16,706 --> 00:21:19,513 there we go, we're off and running, there we are, come on darling, 254 00:21:19,759 --> 00:21:24,679 cast your bread upon the water, that's what I say, it'll come back tenfold. That's it, there you are, 255 00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,850 alright listen - give us your money, take the money. 256 00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:34,007 Alright, listen, hang about we'll be back in five minutes alright. 257 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,172 Don't look back! 258 00:21:46,446 --> 00:21:49,133 - Del Boy. - Slater. 259 00:21:49,345 --> 00:21:55,466 Well what a coincidence, I was just saying to Hoskins I wonder how my old mate Del Boy is, weren't I Hoskins? 260 00:21:55,941 --> 00:21:59,408 - Eh? Oh yes sir. - How are you Rodney? 261 00:22:01,188 --> 00:22:04,987 - Very well thank you Detective Inspector. - Chief Inspector. 262 00:22:05,793 --> 00:22:07,867 Sorry, I didn't know you'd been promoted. 263 00:22:08,279 --> 00:22:11,974 Yeah about six months back – I took Hoskins with me, he's my driver. 264 00:22:12,467 --> 00:22:16,300 Oh, driver - everyone always said you'd be going places Terry. 265 00:22:16,651 --> 00:22:18,827 Going places - oh yeah. 266 00:22:20,925 --> 00:22:23,096 Here I saw your mum down the Nag's Head last night Slater. 267 00:22:23,323 --> 00:22:26,159 - Yeah - she ask after me? - No. 268 00:22:28,030 --> 00:22:29,455 Do you fancy a cup of tea Del? 269 00:22:29,792 --> 00:22:32,030 Ah, actually Roy we're in a bit of a hurry if you don't mind. 270 00:22:32,191 --> 00:22:34,635 I don't think you heard the question Del, I said do you fancy a cup of tea? 271 00:22:36,212 --> 00:22:38,381 Well now you come to mention it, I am a bit parched. 272 00:22:49,206 --> 00:22:56,246 - There you go Detective Inspector. - Chief. 273 00:22:57,340 --> 00:23:00,093 - What? - I'm a chief now. 274 00:23:02,004 --> 00:23:04,212 I'll be bleeding glad when Custer arrives. 275 00:23:07,422 --> 00:23:09,523 Watch what you say Rodney, that Slater's a bastard. 276 00:23:12,931 --> 00:23:14,075 I said... 277 00:23:14,770 --> 00:23:20,127 - Watch what you say, Slater's a bastard. - Yeah I remember him from the last time. 278 00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:25,608 He's on the warpath now, he's retiring soon and wants to go out in a blaze of glory. 279 00:23:26,017 --> 00:23:27,761 Retiring - that's a bit early innit? 280 00:23:27,974 --> 00:23:31,655 He's had no choice, it's come from the top they're forcing him out. 281 00:23:32,914 --> 00:23:39,271 See, a little while ago Slater persuaded this young black fella to sign a full confession to being a peeping tom – 282 00:23:40,291 --> 00:23:44,091 when the case gets to court it turns out he's a registered blind person – 283 00:23:45,229 --> 00:23:48,685 - …bad publicity for the police innit? - What about the poor black bloke? 284 00:23:49,175 --> 00:23:53,252 Oh he's not too upset they reckon he might get a record contract out of it, sh... 285 00:23:55,185 --> 00:24:00,259 There you are Hoskins, bacon sandwich for you – are you sure you didn't want nothing to eat? 286 00:24:00,496 --> 00:24:03,108 Yeah yeah, quite sure, we're not all that hungry actually Roy. 287 00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:07,045 Anyway, what you doing back in the parish? Thought you'd been transferred to river police. 288 00:24:07,591 --> 00:24:13,359 No not transferred no, that was just a special assignment, I was after this little gang of diamond smugglers. 289 00:24:16,466 --> 00:24:17,786 Any luck? 290 00:24:18,004 --> 00:24:22,348 Oh I caught them Del yes, even nabbed the ringleader, a geezer called Hendrix. 291 00:24:22,934 --> 00:24:28,265 - They got away though, lack of evidence. - That's a choker innit? 292 00:24:28,562 --> 00:24:32,186 - Oh, I'll have him down. - What, they still doing it then? 293 00:24:32,469 --> 00:24:34,767 - How many times have you almost? - Twice. 294 00:24:35,335 --> 00:24:39,224 Twice that's right but each time they've somehow managed to get shot of the diamonds - 295 00:24:39,930 --> 00:24:42,443 if you haven't got them, you've got no evidence. 296 00:24:43,328 --> 00:24:47,602 Between you and me Del I've heard a whisper they're trying it on again. 297 00:24:48,943 --> 00:24:54,783 A couple of local businessmen shall we say have put the money up and we know who they are don't we Hoskins? 298 00:24:55,226 --> 00:24:56,640 - Boycie and... - Hoskins. 299 00:24:58,536 --> 00:24:59,778 Sorry sir. 300 00:25:01,434 --> 00:25:07,239 But I don't know who the courier is, now unless I can catch the courier with the stones on him I'm knackered 301 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:15,642 - …this is where you come in Del. - Me? You don't think I'm the courier do you? 302 00:25:17,634 --> 00:25:26,180 Leave off Del, this is big - no, the way I see it is this you hear all the gossip in the pubs and the clubs 303 00:25:27,039 --> 00:25:29,854 now it's no skin of your nose if you ring me with a name, 304 00:25:30,434 --> 00:25:33,590 after all these businessmen ain't puttin' no money your way are they? 305 00:25:35,651 --> 00:25:43,446 You don't even have to say who's calling, make in anonymously, and I will make life very comfortable for you, 306 00:25:44,337 --> 00:25:46,665 no more aggro from wooden-tops in the market. 307 00:25:49,742 --> 00:25:54,354 - That's very fair of you Roy, innit? - Oh yeah, very fair. 308 00:25:54,805 --> 00:25:58,650 This is my lat case Del, I'm retiring form the Met. 309 00:26:00,590 --> 00:26:09,157 The Commissioner begged me to stay but I've had enough, I want my career to end on a high note. 310 00:26:09,354 --> 00:26:12,395 Yeah, well 'course we wish you a lot of luck Slater. 311 00:26:13,414 --> 00:26:17,361 I'll get 'em in the end Del, I never give up you see 312 00:26:17,535 --> 00:26:23,816 once I get my teeth into something I don't let go – do you know what they call me at the Met? 313 00:26:24,076 --> 00:26:27,884 - No. - Bulldog. 314 00:26:29,197 --> 00:26:34,032 Oh - actually I have heard one or two people call you bulldog or words to that effect anyway. 315 00:26:34,457 --> 00:26:41,537 That's the sort of guy I am, I never give up, so if you hear anything Del, you know my number. 316 00:26:43,378 --> 00:26:49,627 Well it's been nice, like old school days you and me sat at the same desk - 317 00:26:50,918 --> 00:26:56,378 only this time you didn't put frogspawn in me milk - you rascal. 318 00:26:58,839 --> 00:27:00,746 Do you want me to pay for my breakfast Sid or what? 319 00:27:03,333 --> 00:27:05,800 No, have it on the house Mr Slater. 320 00:27:06,307 --> 00:27:11,702 Very nice of you Sidney, very nice indeed. You'd better pay for your breakfast Hoskins. 321 00:27:12,056 --> 00:27:13,450 Thank you sir. 322 00:27:15,891 --> 00:27:19,198 So you don't know if this courier is a man or a woman. 323 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,785 No, I hadn't thought of that, that's very good thinking Rodney. 324 00:27:26,611 --> 00:27:32,150 - Have you ever thought about joining the police? - No, I'm ambitious. 325 00:27:33,764 --> 00:27:38,788 Ha ha, very good - no all I know is 326 00:27:39,267 --> 00:27:46,178 that he or she will be flying in with the goods next week and I'll be waiting for them. 327 00:27:53,511 --> 00:27:55,158 - There you go young Terry. - Thanks Sid. 328 00:28:02,594 --> 00:28:04,586 - Well that's that then, innit? - How do you mean? 329 00:28:05,139 --> 00:28:08,066 You can't go head with it now can you? Slater's got all the airports covered. 330 00:28:08,307 --> 00:28:13,965 He can't watch the airports 24 hours a day can he eh? Have to find another way of sneaking in? 331 00:28:22,009 --> 00:28:26,370 - You owe me thirty-two pence Del. - Eh? No no, Mr Slater paid for ours. 332 00:28:35,139 --> 00:28:41,976 Oh yes it has a full service record, taxed till the end of the month, it'll have no trouble passing its MOT. 333 00:28:44,636 --> 00:28:46,540 Boyce someone on the phone wants you. 334 00:28:46,816 --> 00:28:48,416 - Who is it? - Don't know. 335 00:28:48,807 --> 00:28:53,094 Would you just say that I'm rather busy with some clients at the moment please Colin? 336 00:28:53,574 --> 00:28:57,912 - He said it's something to do about diamonds. - I'll be right there. 337 00:29:00,115 --> 00:29:06,725 Yes it's the new Austin Diamond coming out next year, still in the experimental stage – 338 00:29:07,863 --> 00:29:09,708 do excuse me Mr Biggastaff? 339 00:29:13,026 --> 00:29:14,191 Yeah, what up? 340 00:29:14,394 --> 00:29:18,055 It's Del Boy. Listen, I've just had a very interesting conversation with Chief Inspector Slater, 341 00:29:18,266 --> 00:29:22,134 - …you know bullshit of the yard. - Slater? What's he want? 342 00:29:22,426 --> 00:29:23,722 - He knows. - How? 343 00:29:24,093 --> 00:29:27,186 Look, I don't know do I? He's got more grasses than Fisons. 344 00:29:28,107 --> 00:29:29,284 Well how much does he know? 345 00:29:29,458 --> 00:29:36,494 Well he knows...He knows that you and Abdul have put the money up. 346 00:29:36,835 --> 00:29:44,278 I don't believe it. Well, we can't pull out now Del, Abdul's just made all the arrangements with Van Cleef. 347 00:29:44,590 --> 00:29:49,450 Alright, alright listen, don't panic, don't panic – he doesn't know who the courier is, 348 00:29:49,626 --> 00:29:52,991 that's what he was pumping me about so I'm the last bloke he suspects. 349 00:29:53,171 --> 00:29:57,835 Yeah well, it's alright for you I've still got fifty grand in my house, if Slater comes sniffing around 350 00:29:58,004 --> 00:30:01,550 how am I going to explain that away. No - we've got to meet tonight, 351 00:30:01,989 --> 00:30:04,415 I'll give you the money and Abdul can make the final arrangements. 352 00:30:05,630 --> 00:30:07,025 Right, where shall we meet, your place? 353 00:30:07,394 --> 00:30:13,071 You must be joking, my house might be under surveillance, we can't meet at Abdul's either for the same reason. 354 00:30:13,416 --> 00:30:14,686 How about my flat? 355 00:30:14,869 --> 00:30:18,830 You don't honestly think I'm going to walk across your estate with fifty grand on medo you? 356 00:30:19,194 --> 00:30:21,982 You've got a point. What about the Nag's Head? 357 00:30:22,155 --> 00:30:26,038 Leave off, he knows that's our local – anyway we can't meet in any public places, 358 00:30:26,216 --> 00:30:28,689 he sees the three of us together he's got he full story. 359 00:30:29,571 --> 00:30:32,960 We've got to come up with somewhere dark and secluded, 360 00:30:33,256 --> 00:30:37,648 somewhere where we can lock the doors and be on our own and nobody will be able to se us. 361 00:30:40,258 --> 00:30:42,646 - I know just the place. - Yeah, where? 362 00:30:46,066 --> 00:30:51,582 The back of Denzil's bleeding lorry, I mean what a place to hold a meeting. 363 00:30:51,860 --> 00:30:56,489 Personally I think it's a good idea - as Derek said this is the last place Slater would think of looking. 364 00:30:56,985 --> 00:31:02,637 Yeah but I'm going to get grease stains on my coat, I am going to look a right mess. 365 00:31:04,328 --> 00:31:08,476 I mean what has Denzil had in here? Smells like rotten fish. 366 00:31:09,723 --> 00:31:12,860 Oh, stop your whining Boycie, you're like an old woman at times. 367 00:31:22,657 --> 00:31:23,764 Alright, they're here. 368 00:31:25,554 --> 00:31:26,997 Give me about 5 minutes. 369 00:31:30,940 --> 00:31:33,686 You spot any danger, give us a signal, arlight? 370 00:31:39,135 --> 00:31:42,221 Oi, what's the signal then? 371 00:31:45,868 --> 00:31:46,667 You what? 372 00:31:46,836 --> 00:31:47,982 Shall I beep the hooter? 373 00:31:48,142 --> 00:31:52,098 No you wally, that'll attract all sorts of unwanted attention wouldn't it, eh? 374 00:31:52,329 --> 00:31:53,763 Well shall I flash the lights? 375 00:31:55,476 --> 00:31:59,105 How are we going to see flashing lights when we're in the back of a ruddy trailer? 376 00:31:59,354 --> 00:32:06,083 - Alright then, so what's the signal? - Can you make a sound like an owl? 377 00:32:06,316 --> 00:32:09,398 - An owl sound? - Yes you know like this? 378 00:32:12,087 --> 00:32:13,255 - Oh that? - Yeah. 379 00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,673 I can do bunny shadows though. 380 00:32:16,879 --> 00:32:22,070 Enough of your bloody sarcasm Rodney, just think of a signal - back in a minute. 381 00:32:24,733 --> 00:32:26,765 You don't think Slater suspects anything else do you? 382 00:32:26,959 --> 00:32:30,365 No, if he'd suspected that he'd have been round with a search warrant by now. 383 00:32:32,950 --> 00:32:36,248 'Ello 'elo 'ello, what are you doing in here then? 384 00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:42,362 Get in here for God's sake will you? 385 00:32:44,662 --> 00:32:50,735 Cor, it don't half hum in here don't it? Alright Abdul, got everything sorted out? 386 00:32:50,911 --> 00:32:52,696 Yes the arrangements have all been made. 387 00:32:53,530 --> 00:32:58,803 Of all the places on earth, why in God's name do we have to meet in the back of a stinking lorry? 388 00:32:59,831 --> 00:33:04,299 Oh dear - look around you, can you think of a better place eh? 389 00:33:04,610 --> 00:33:08,853 Look, no prying eyes, no plain clothes coppers, nobody knows we're in here. 390 00:33:09,039 --> 00:33:10,430 What, do you mean Denzil don't know? 391 00:33:10,745 --> 00:33:15,360 Course he don't, leave it out, he'd go diddley – no apart from Rodney out there in a van 392 00:33:15,504 --> 00:33:17,623 we're the only three people in the world who know we're in here. 393 00:33:18,632 --> 00:33:21,269 Alright, alright, leave it to me. 394 00:33:22,334 --> 00:33:25,955 - Get your coat and a uniformed officer Hoskins. - Where are we off to sir? 395 00:33:26,124 --> 00:33:31,408 Transport Cafe in Soweto Road, one of the neighbours reported seeing three men breaking into a lorry. 396 00:33:32,098 --> 00:33:37,475 Righto sir. Parker, geta car round at the front. 397 00:33:38,069 --> 00:33:42,195 I spoke to Mr Van Cleef this morning about the date, the venue and the time of the exchange 398 00:33:42,752 --> 00:33:45,909 and you must be very clear about these matters Derek, so listen carefully. 399 00:33:46,478 --> 00:33:49,788 The exchange will take place this coming Friday at twelve noon. 400 00:33:50,244 --> 00:33:51,242 Twelve noon right. 401 00:33:51,450 --> 00:33:55,639 That's right - now here is the address in Amsterdam, memorize it and then destroy it. 402 00:33:56,541 --> 00:34:01,824 - Doesn't self destruct then? - Be serious Del, please. Friday at twelve right. 403 00:34:02,029 --> 00:34:03,161 Alright, alright - got it. 404 00:34:03,345 --> 00:34:05,604 My cousin, Hussein, will meet you in Van Kleefe's office. 405 00:34:05,870 --> 00:34:11,744 Your cousin - stone me Abdul your family get everywhere don't they, got a brother in France, cousin in Holland. 406 00:34:12,493 --> 00:34:14,771 Sure you ain't got no one out in outer Mongolia? 407 00:34:15,223 --> 00:34:17,553 A very distant uncle, but we never talk about him. 408 00:34:19,572 --> 00:34:23,776 My cousin is also a diamond merchant, he will be there to check the merchandise. 409 00:34:24,029 --> 00:34:28,244 Don't want you coming back with a load of Mickey Mouse gear, do we Del Boy? 410 00:34:28,821 --> 00:34:31,094 Watch it Boycie, my mum gave me them. 411 00:34:36,638 --> 00:34:39,125 It's alright, so come on where's the money, where's the money? 412 00:34:41,498 --> 00:34:45,924 There's fifty grand there Del Boy, please be careful with it. 413 00:34:46,218 --> 00:34:49,878 - Trust me Boycie. - Of course we trust you. 414 00:34:50,454 --> 00:34:51,742 What's the combination to this? 415 00:34:52,067 --> 00:34:56,533 When you get to Van Kleefe's office you phone me and then I'll give the combination. 416 00:34:57,035 --> 00:35:00,371 Oh that's terrific, that's a great deal of trust that is, innit eh? 417 00:35:00,641 --> 00:35:07,130 One thing we forgot to mention, the most important thing of all, if anything should go wrong, nothing can go wrong, 418 00:35:07,349 --> 00:35:09,488 but if it should, you never heard of us. 419 00:35:09,834 --> 00:35:13,225 Meaning that I had nothing to do with it, you never heard the name Van Kleefe. 420 00:35:14,020 --> 00:35:15,782 It's just a percaution Del Boy. 421 00:35:16,150 --> 00:35:20,746 - Terrific - that means I'm up on offer don't it eh? - That's what we're paying you fifteen grand for. 422 00:35:21,624 --> 00:35:27,388 Alright, alright don't worry, won't be no comebacks. What about the expenses for these aeroplane tickets? 423 00:35:27,722 --> 00:35:31,477 - Tickets!? You only need one Derek. - No, I'm taking my kid brother with me. 424 00:35:31,740 --> 00:35:33,793 Taking Rodney, what is this a bloody outing? 425 00:35:34,302 --> 00:35:39,792 No - Rodney is going to be my diversion for when I come back through the Customs - look, 426 00:35:39,946 --> 00:35:45,523 it's going to be hard enough with Slater and the 7th Cavalry ferreted about amongst all the duty frees, 427 00:35:45,791 --> 00:35:47,592 don't make it any harder. 428 00:35:48,933 --> 00:35:52,216 Very well we will pay the expenses, it's alright. 429 00:35:52,405 --> 00:35:54,625 - Don't lump 'em up too much though. - No, alright. 430 00:35:55,850 --> 00:35:59,879 - Right, I'm off. - Are you? I wondered what the smell was. Alright. 431 00:36:00,826 --> 00:36:04,137 Right we'll see you next Friday when you return - good luck Derek. 432 00:36:05,532 --> 00:36:07,383 - Best of luck Del Boy. - And you. 433 00:36:07,929 --> 00:36:09,508 Give us a minute to get clear. 434 00:36:51,321 --> 00:36:54,706 Parker down there. Hoskins check over the back there. 435 00:37:10,409 --> 00:37:13,224 - What was that sir? - Don't know, sounded like a crow. 436 00:37:13,904 --> 00:37:14,861 Crow!? 437 00:37:40,451 --> 00:37:47,422 Oh my God! Oh God, they'll throw the bloody key away. 438 00:37:47,910 --> 00:37:49,855 Go on get on with it or we'll never get home tonight. 439 00:37:50,392 --> 00:37:52,644 - Any luck? - Not yet sir. 440 00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:12,420 This looks promising sir. 441 00:38:21,540 --> 00:38:23,026 Take over Hoskins. 442 00:38:25,847 --> 00:38:27,961 - Alright Parker. - Me? 443 00:38:42,512 --> 00:38:43,682 What is that? 444 00:38:43,862 --> 00:38:46,337 I don't know but whatever it is, it's been dead a fortnight. 445 00:38:47,179 --> 00:38:50,195 Right, we'll have a quick shufti over the back then we'll call it a night. 446 00:38:57,100 --> 00:38:59,653 Some of these lorry drivers invite crime don't they? 447 00:39:51,678 --> 00:39:57,235 Denzil, Denzil, Denzil, wait I'm in here. Is that you? 448 00:40:01,902 --> 00:40:03,953 Denzil you plonker. 449 00:40:07,431 --> 00:40:13,246 Oh come on please, please, I'll clean ya, I'll clean ya. 450 00:40:29,489 --> 00:40:34,000 Denzil, Denzil this is your friend speaking 451 00:40:37,926 --> 00:40:39,718 I'll do you when I get hold of you. 452 00:40:43,813 --> 00:40:46,827 Bloody hoax phone calls, my last station I had to put up with jokers. 453 00:40:47,455 --> 00:40:49,493 Get to your desk Hoskins, might have had some new reports. 454 00:40:51,521 --> 00:40:52,733 No, nothing yet sir. 455 00:40:53,439 --> 00:40:56,596 I want a watch put on Boycie and Abdul, I want to know everywhere they go, 456 00:40:56,758 --> 00:41:02,447 everything they do - got to make their move soon. Who's the courier Hoskins? 457 00:41:03,094 --> 00:41:08,989 I know who's putting the money up, what they're buying and who from but I don't know who's bringing it in. 458 00:41:09,297 --> 00:41:10,633 Bound to be local sir. 459 00:41:11,025 --> 00:41:15,280 Oh yeah wouldn't go far outside the parish, got to have someone they can trust - but who? 460 00:41:16,604 --> 00:41:23,945 It's a mystery sir - no one's behaving in an unusual manner, well no more unusual than normal – 461 00:41:24,744 --> 00:41:26,648 everyone's just carrying on the same. 462 00:41:26,966 --> 00:41:32,928 Except the Trotters - went round the estate their van's missing, toured the area, no sign of it. 463 00:41:33,264 --> 00:41:34,406 Maybe it's been nicked sir. 464 00:41:34,581 --> 00:41:40,544 Nicked? If someone's nicked that three-wheel van of theirs we've got a dangerous maniac on our hands. Ha ha ha. 465 00:41:41,989 --> 00:41:43,319 Take your point sir. 466 00:41:45,031 --> 00:41:50,574 Something's just struck me Hoskins, maybe we've been underestimating Del Boy. 467 00:41:51,202 --> 00:41:55,592 All these years he may have been fooling us with his 9 carat gold and his wide-awake suits, 468 00:41:55,888 --> 00:42:01,096 I mean Del Boy's well acquainted with the ways of this world - he knows all the wrinkles, 469 00:42:01,268 --> 00:42:06,079 he invented a lot of them himself, and his soppy brother has got GCEs. 470 00:42:06,601 --> 00:42:08,068 What are you trying to say sir? 471 00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:14,251 What I'm saying is Hoskins, maybe them two's more intelligent than we've given them credit for, 472 00:42:15,592 --> 00:42:20,508 Yeah, it's all beginning to fit. The Dutch firm are the suppliers, 473 00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:27,910 Boycie and Abdul are the money men and the Trotters are the brains. 474 00:42:37,306 --> 00:42:38,798 You could be right sir. 475 00:42:39,023 --> 00:42:44,270 I was only joking Hoskins, for God's sake ain't you got no sense of humour? 476 00:42:44,566 --> 00:42:45,810 Sorry sir. 477 00:44:08,910 --> 00:44:10,251 - That's a pound. - What? 478 00:44:10,643 --> 00:44:12,072 I said that's a pound. 479 00:44:17,602 --> 00:44:18,957 I've got 75 pence. 480 00:44:19,316 --> 00:44:23,926 - Well that's not a pound is it? - Oh no, but this has only three wheels. 481 00:44:24,526 --> 00:44:26,855 That's only got two but it's still a pound. 482 00:44:33,962 --> 00:44:36,252 By the way be careful where you dump that thing will you? 483 00:44:37,201 --> 00:44:39,719 Funny innit? I'm laughing, look. 484 00:44:54,404 --> 00:44:55,973 - There's your tea Denzil. - Ta. 485 00:44:57,098 --> 00:45:00,841 - Don't you want that breakfast? - Course I do, just a bit drowsy that's all. 486 00:45:01,766 --> 00:45:07,130 You've been overworking love, I've seen it before with your lorry drivers trying to work 25 hours a day. 487 00:45:07,729 --> 00:45:11,484 I know the money is good lovely, but you'll get no overtime in the mortuary. 488 00:45:11,877 --> 00:45:13,602 I'm always like this after a night drive. 489 00:45:14,119 --> 00:45:17,676 You're looking tired lovely, you're dark round the eyes. 490 00:45:18,369 --> 00:45:21,847 I'm dark around everywhere Lil. Listen, don't you worry about me, 491 00:45:22,008 --> 00:45:24,246 I'm a big, strong lad you know, I'll prove it to you. 492 00:45:25,059 --> 00:45:32,586 I'm not talking about physical illness, there's no knowing what lack of sleep and overwork does to the brain. 493 00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,712 - I've seen it happen to them lovely. - Seen what happen? 494 00:45:37,288 --> 00:45:42,983 Young fit men, went to pieces, started hearing things and seeing things 495 00:45:43,832 --> 00:45:46,354 you slow down lovely, or you'll go the same way. 496 00:46:31,566 --> 00:46:33,643 Is that you Rodney? 497 00:46:33,836 --> 00:46:34,993 Yeah, it's me. 498 00:46:35,639 --> 00:46:44,033 I knew you'd come and save me, you're a saint Rodders, oh, you're a 42-carat saint. 499 00:46:44,935 --> 00:46:46,380 Come on, let's get you out of here. 500 00:46:51,007 --> 00:46:54,210 It's been a nightmare Rodney, a bloody nightmare. 501 00:46:54,793 --> 00:46:57,546 Camp on Blood Island was a doddle compared with that. 502 00:46:57,823 --> 00:46:59,865 Look, do you want something to eat or a cup of tea? 503 00:47:00,083 --> 00:47:04,269 No. It's alright, we ain't got time for all that, we've got to get the aeroplane tickets and the lot ain't we eh? 504 00:47:04,825 --> 00:47:07,415 Come on let's go, come on Rodney, come on. 505 00:47:11,014 --> 00:47:13,335 - Where the bloody hell am I? - Hull. 506 00:47:14,915 --> 00:47:23,955 - Hull? - what Hull in what's its name? - Yorkshire, yeah. 507 00:47:26,349 --> 00:47:29,129 What the bloody hell am I doing in Hull? 508 00:47:29,395 --> 00:47:33,124 Well this is where Denzil brought you innit? He's most probably got a load to pick up. 509 00:47:33,863 --> 00:47:37,074 That bloody half-head Denzil, I'll get him, just see if I don't. 510 00:47:37,248 --> 00:47:40,117 Oi, don't you think you ought to have a rest eh, get your strength back? 511 00:47:40,453 --> 00:47:43,859 No I don't Rodney, just get me back to Peckham as soon as possible 512 00:47:44,447 --> 00:47:48,944 otherwise I'll be saying hey-up and breeding whippets before I'm very much older - come on. 513 00:48:06,374 --> 00:48:12,228 - Switch that off Rodney - take a look. - What? 514 00:48:13,181 --> 00:48:15,194 - Boats. - Oh yeah. 515 00:48:15,805 --> 00:48:22,570 - Big boats, little boats. - Yeah there's a red one, a white one look. 516 00:48:23,513 --> 00:48:27,157 - Don't you see Rodney? - See what? 517 00:48:27,697 --> 00:48:30,981 Slater has got all the airports covered. Why has he got all the airports covered? 518 00:48:31,162 --> 00:48:33,650 'Cause that's how he thinks we're getting back into the country. 519 00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:38,491 Yeah - but that's how we are getting back in the country. 520 00:48:38,802 --> 00:48:46,449 - Not any more we ain't, we're going by boat. - Oh yes like it Derek, yeah, we get the Ferry. 521 00:48:49,491 --> 00:48:56,331 Not the Ferry you plonker, the Customs there are going to be just as bad as they are at the airports. 522 00:48:57,755 --> 00:48:59,843 No we're going to sail across in our own little boat. 523 00:49:02,229 --> 00:49:03,221 Sorry? 524 00:49:03,961 --> 00:49:09,232 We're going to sail out of here to Holland and back again and no one will be any the wiser. 525 00:49:10,232 --> 00:49:16,171 We...we are going to...us, in the sea? 526 00:49:17,990 --> 00:49:21,763 Rodney, it's not far look it's only across the water there look innit eh? 527 00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:25,162 I mean, I remember seeing it on the map it's only, only that far. 528 00:49:26,468 --> 00:49:28,178 Derek, we'll die. 529 00:49:28,576 --> 00:49:32,495 No it'll be a piece of cake, we'll be in and out of there like a sour plum. 530 00:49:33,823 --> 00:49:36,971 Del, we don't know the first thing about sailing a boat. 531 00:49:38,230 --> 00:49:45,820 Oh Rodney, Rodney, use your filbert - I'm going to get one with an engine. 532 00:50:24,712 --> 00:50:26,886 - Ahoy there, shipmate. - Morning. 533 00:50:27,660 --> 00:50:32,081 - Any idea where I could hire a boat round here? - You want to hire a boat? 534 00:50:32,432 --> 00:50:35,478 - What kind of boat? - Er, schooner. 535 00:50:35,727 --> 00:50:38,041 - Schooner? - With an engine. 536 00:50:38,493 --> 00:50:44,414 Schooner with an engine - follow me shipmate, I might have just the thing for you. 537 00:50:44,912 --> 00:50:46,708 Oh tally-ho. 538 00:50:50,062 --> 00:50:55,340 - Well Rodney, what do you reckon? - What - this boat's got wood-worm. 539 00:50:56,786 --> 00:51:02,717 No that's not woodworm, that's just um, it's - what is that? 540 00:51:03,375 --> 00:51:05,595 That's where the ropes have worn it away through the years. 541 00:51:05,877 --> 00:51:08,992 Just where the rope has worn it away through the years, it's sort of wear and tear innit? 542 00:51:09,763 --> 00:51:12,457 And we're supposed to sail to Holland in this thing? 543 00:51:12,829 --> 00:51:15,811 This is a sturdy vessel sir, built of very mature timber. 544 00:51:17,138 --> 00:51:20,186 - In other words, it's old. - Well the old 'uns are the best 'uns Rodney. 545 00:51:20,577 --> 00:51:23,325 We're talking about boats now Del, not your birds. 546 00:51:23,644 --> 00:51:25,950 Oi, don't push your luck you saucy git. 547 00:51:26,378 --> 00:51:28,980 I'll leave you two alone to discuss it - I'll be over here. 548 00:51:31,371 --> 00:51:36,784 Yeah, okay yes, ahoy there shipmate, we'll be ashore in a minute. 549 00:51:37,741 --> 00:51:42,976 Yeah, we'll go ashore what, about 7 bells eh Del? Will you pipe him ashore or shall I? 550 00:51:44,895 --> 00:51:48,891 I'm beginning to lose my temper Rodney – you'll cop an unfortunate one in a minute. 551 00:51:52,540 --> 00:51:55,551 You're really not letting your boat out to them southern nancies are you? 552 00:51:57,386 --> 00:51:58,583 You'll never see it again. 553 00:52:00,141 --> 00:52:04,837 That vessel's worth 10,000 pounds – at least that's what it says in the insurance papers. 554 00:52:07,892 --> 00:52:13,634 Come on Rodney, we can do it, you know he who dares wins. 555 00:52:14,103 --> 00:52:16,775 Look, I got the right price from the owner and everything. 556 00:52:17,323 --> 00:52:21,884 Del, I'll tell you now there's no way us two can sail this thing to Holland and back. 557 00:52:22,287 --> 00:52:26,825 What? Us two, you think that... that we're going to sail it... 558 00:52:27,364 --> 00:52:32,333 is that what you thought, that us pair of wallies are going to take this thing out on the high seas? 559 00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:35,022 Well yeah. 560 00:52:36,323 --> 00:52:43,899 Of course we're not. No, I'm going to get us a skipper, and experienced man to do the sailing. 561 00:52:44,338 --> 00:52:46,193 So there's going to be someone in charge? 562 00:52:46,409 --> 00:52:57,584 Of course there is - you didn't think I was going to risk our lives did you? Come here you dipstick. 563 00:52:59,906 --> 00:53:01,326 Dear God. 564 00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:07,587 Oh, leave it out Rodney, that is England's greatest little sailor since Nelson lost the Armada. 565 00:53:09,196 --> 00:53:11,950 - Ahoy there. - Yeah, yeah, ship ahoy. 566 00:53:13,090 --> 00:53:17,584 Del, every single ship or vessel that man has ever sailed on has sunk. 567 00:53:17,902 --> 00:53:22,519 I know, luck's got to change sometime innit Rodney? Alright Uncle Albert? 568 00:53:22,888 --> 00:53:24,465 All shipshape and bristle fashion. 569 00:53:24,994 --> 00:53:26,929 He's got all the dialogue ain't he? Good good come on then. 570 00:53:27,450 --> 00:53:29,460 Right now listen - did you bring the passport? 571 00:53:29,882 --> 00:53:32,855 - In the old duffle bag. - Good good - did you bring some clothes? 572 00:53:33,146 --> 00:53:36,428 - I threw some on me old jumpers in. - Lovely - did you bring our clothes? 573 00:53:37,151 --> 00:53:38,794 Did you want me to bring you some then? 574 00:53:39,346 --> 00:53:41,033 Oh, what do you think I phoned up about? 575 00:53:41,217 --> 00:53:42,383 I thought you meant my clothes. 576 00:53:43,671 --> 00:53:47,304 We haven't had a wash or change of clothes for two days now. 577 00:53:47,495 --> 00:53:48,870 Well how am I supposed to know that? 578 00:53:49,031 --> 00:53:50,813 Well it don't take a lot of working out does it? 579 00:53:52,035 --> 00:53:59,067 Oi, you two - alright calm down, calm down, don't worry we'll sort something out. 580 00:54:00,713 --> 00:54:03,631 Right come on skipper, let's show you your vessel. 581 00:54:03,958 --> 00:54:07,428 Yeah I'd like to look her over Del make sure she meets with my approval. 582 00:54:09,486 --> 00:54:11,778 Bleeding shame if she don't because we sail in half an hour. 583 00:54:16,355 --> 00:54:24,545 Albert slow down, you're going too fast. You're going too fast, slow down, don't...right, right a bit. 584 00:54:25,938 --> 00:54:29,666 - To your right. - You mean starboard? 585 00:54:29,967 --> 00:54:34,400 I mean right - don't start all that Captain Birdseye bloody cobblers, I said right. 586 00:54:38,714 --> 00:54:42,688 Now you've gone too far now, you're too far don't...come on, come over to your left. 587 00:54:45,772 --> 00:54:47,231 I said...I said left. 588 00:54:47,954 --> 00:54:49,287 That's portside. 589 00:54:49,675 --> 00:54:54,159 I'll come up there and punch you in the bloody nose in a minute - when I say left I mean left. 590 00:54:57,743 --> 00:54:59,586 Mind...mind this little boat down there. 591 00:55:00,821 --> 00:55:03,341 Watch, watch this, watch this little boat down... 592 00:55:07,649 --> 00:55:10,733 Sorry shipmate. What did you say pal? 593 00:55:12,179 --> 00:55:20,634 And to you sir, cheeky git. Alright come, come to your right again now Albert, you're doing very well. 594 00:55:21,180 --> 00:55:27,424 Not, no no. What are you doing up there, you got Saint Vitus Dance or what? Look come right again. 595 00:55:29,104 --> 00:55:36,790 It's overwork that's all, too many hours in that lorry cab, all you need is a bit of relaxation and some fresh air, that's all. 596 00:55:52,011 --> 00:56:01,128 Gordon Bennett. I'm sick. I'm sick. oh. 597 00:56:02,860 --> 00:56:04,109 I feel sick Del. 598 00:56:04,732 --> 00:56:10,690 What? Leave it out you tart, we've only just started, that was only just a little ripple. 599 00:56:11,523 --> 00:56:16,181 Wait till we get out there on the big waves, we'll be going up and down and up and down, 600 00:56:19,629 --> 00:56:23,778 - …be just like the big dipper, whoooo... - Oh, God! 601 00:56:26,134 --> 00:56:28,316 That's it Rodney, go on cough it up, could be an ace? 602 00:56:31,812 --> 00:56:35,336 Oh, gets an old tingle running down the spine this don't it? 603 00:56:36,184 --> 00:56:45,966 Well it's in the blood of course. Ah, this island race, this skeptic isle, yeah us Brits, 604 00:56:46,201 --> 00:56:48,478 we've got salt water flowing through our veins. 605 00:56:48,759 --> 00:56:51,334 Oh will you shut up about bloody veins! 606 00:56:53,538 --> 00:56:57,335 And when you think of all the English heroes that have set sail out of these waters 607 00:56:57,522 --> 00:57:09,076 to go and discover the new world and stitch the dagos up, makes you feel very, very proud. 608 00:57:15,618 --> 00:57:30,282 'Robin Hood, Robin Hood with his band of men, Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the glen, feared by the good.' 609 00:57:34,111 --> 00:57:35,526 Have you got any idea where we are? 610 00:57:36,149 --> 00:57:38,751 Not really Del, I never got the hang of these charts. 611 00:57:40,216 --> 00:57:43,453 Well then how in God's name did you expect to get us across to Holland? 612 00:57:43,883 --> 00:57:45,620 Well Del said it weren't all that far. 613 00:57:45,876 --> 00:57:48,914 Well it ain't all that far if you're going in the right bleedin' direction. 614 00:57:50,185 --> 00:57:52,320 We should have been in Holland five hours ago. 615 00:57:53,363 --> 00:57:56,812 Look at it - middle of the poxy bleeding night and not a windmill anywhere. 616 00:57:57,670 --> 00:57:59,453 I thought you said that you could sail a boat. 617 00:57:59,827 --> 00:58:01,048 Well it went, didn't it? 618 00:58:01,251 --> 00:58:08,626 I know it went, yeah, it went alright, but where hey? Look Albert where is our position? 619 00:58:09,328 --> 00:58:14,283 Well we're er, we're here ain't we? Sort of. 620 00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:22,620 Oh right, so according to all your calculations we're just off the Strait of Gibraltar 621 00:58:22,793 --> 00:58:25,154 but we're also very close to Copenhagen. 622 00:58:25,715 --> 00:58:31,295 - Well it narrows it down a little bit don't it? - Yeah - the right ocean at least ain't we? 623 00:58:31,753 --> 00:58:34,206 When I was in the Navy I was a boiler maintenance man. 624 00:58:35,506 --> 00:58:38,245 So you've never actually studied navigation at all 625 00:58:38,657 --> 00:58:44,264 Boiler maintenance men didn't have to - see the boiler has a tendency to go wherever the ship's going. 626 00:58:45,150 --> 00:58:49,321 Look, we can't be far away can we? I mean, seemed to go pretty straight, didn't we? 627 00:58:50,833 --> 00:58:54,773 He's something else ain't he? And what about all the currents they got around here, eh? 628 00:58:54,944 --> 00:58:56,476 We could have drifted anywhere by now. 629 00:58:56,743 --> 00:59:00,744 Yes he's right an' all ain't he? We're in the middle of the North Sea ain't we? 630 00:59:01,090 --> 00:59:03,095 It's got more currants than a hot-cross bun. 631 00:59:04,258 --> 00:59:07,848 Let's not panic hey, we'll wait till the morning, bound to see something. 632 00:59:08,808 --> 00:59:13,683 Oh yeah, we'll keep our eyes peeled for tulips, listen out for the sound of clogs. 633 00:59:19,431 --> 00:59:21,780 - Stars. - What? 634 00:59:22,251 --> 00:59:23,477 The stars. 635 00:59:24,788 --> 00:59:30,315 Stars. You don't need to read your horoscope Rodney to realise you're in dead lumber. 636 00:59:30,870 --> 00:59:36,530 Them stars - you can steer a ship by the stars. 637 00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:42,477 That's right an' all – I remember seeing it once in the Onedin Line. 638 00:59:42,832 --> 00:59:45,548 That's a bloody good idea Rodney, yeah. 639 00:59:59,193 --> 01:00:06,420 - There's millions of them ain't there? - I love him, I just bloody love him. 640 01:00:11,139 --> 01:00:13,869 Isn't there anything up there that rings a bell? 641 01:00:15,029 --> 01:00:19,410 I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to be looking for - they've all got names ain't they? 642 01:00:19,893 --> 01:00:25,842 - Like The Bear, things like that. - Can't you just find The Bear? 643 01:00:26,247 --> 01:00:28,025 Well what does he look like? 644 01:00:28,231 --> 01:00:31,571 Well it looks like a bloody rabbit don't it? I mean what do you think a bear looks like? 645 01:00:31,844 --> 01:00:33,155 Well where would I find it? 646 01:00:33,411 --> 01:00:38,016 Standing up there on top of the glacier mint – you're giving me the hump you are Albert, 647 01:00:38,184 --> 01:00:39,517 you're giving me the right hump. 648 01:00:40,785 --> 01:00:42,039 Look! 649 01:00:43,153 --> 01:00:45,746 - What? - Up there, it's Concorde. 650 01:00:47,533 --> 01:00:51,739 - So? - I'm just saying, Concorde. 651 01:00:58,036 --> 01:01:00,517 I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill him! 652 01:01:01,154 --> 01:01:03,059 Del leave him alone. 653 01:01:21,765 --> 01:01:26,301 Here we go Rodders, here's our tea, sorry I spilt it. Any luck? 654 01:01:26,765 --> 01:01:29,254 Not a thing - where's Ahab? 655 01:01:29,967 --> 01:01:32,491 Oh he's down below in the cabin poncing about with the radio – 656 01:01:32,853 --> 01:01:36,342 it's all crackles and hisses and dog-a-bag, can't be doing with it. 657 01:01:36,576 --> 01:01:39,318 Well at least he's doing something positive to get us out of this mess. 658 01:01:39,507 --> 01:01:42,263 Positive - he's trying to get the Kid Jensen Show. 659 01:01:46,939 --> 01:01:48,981 - Where are them binoculars? - There. 660 01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:58,382 - Ahoy - full ahead both Mr Christian. - Why? 661 01:01:59,391 --> 01:02:02,039 We're going to Holland Rodders, we're going to Holland. 662 01:02:12,198 --> 01:02:19,508 - Hoy, hoy, John - Holland. - What? 663 01:02:20,117 --> 01:02:23,335 - Which way to Holland? - Holland 664 01:02:25,823 --> 01:02:27,256 It's over there. 665 01:02:27,677 --> 01:02:36,961 Cheers pal. Albert it's to the right, Holland is that way. Thank you. 666 01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:44,530 Rodney see, you don't know the way, you just got to ask someone ain't you? 667 01:02:46,151 --> 01:02:49,390 Hey diddley dee a sailor's life for me. 668 01:02:52,724 --> 01:02:55,365 - What is the time? - Why do you keep asking me for? 669 01:02:55,544 --> 01:02:56,945 You've got a watch of your own, haven't you? 670 01:02:57,114 --> 01:02:59,422 Yes, but it hasn't worked properly since Del sold it to me. 671 01:03:01,261 --> 01:03:06,483 It is 5 to 11, that's 5 to 12 their time. The exchange doesn't take place till midday. 672 01:03:06,896 --> 01:03:10,282 - So just calm down, will ya? - Calm down, he says. 673 01:03:11,121 --> 01:03:13,230 I'm becoming rather concerned about this whole affair. 674 01:03:13,651 --> 01:03:17,535 - What is worrying you now? - You know perfectly well what is worrying me. 675 01:03:17,955 --> 01:03:21,321 What happens if Van Cleef discovers the 50,000 pounds is all counterfeit money? 676 01:03:21,665 --> 01:03:26,193 And how is he gonna do that? He is a Dutchman, he wouldn't know a dodgy English tenner from a real one. 677 01:03:26,549 --> 01:03:32,500 - Not immediately perhaps, but in time he may. - We have discussed this, time and time again. 678 01:03:33,168 --> 01:03:36,060 The first thing Van Kleefe is gonna do, is launder that money. 679 01:03:36,530 --> 01:03:39,745 He's then gonna exchange it at Safe Houses for Dutch notes. 680 01:03:40,013 --> 01:03:43,335 It will then be exchanged time and time again, pass through many hands 681 01:03:43,803 --> 01:03:46,411 until some smartass discovers it's worthless. 682 01:03:46,825 --> 01:03:49,428 But by then it'll be too late, cause they won't know I gave it to them. 683 01:03:52,059 --> 01:03:55,182 - Del may notice they're fakes. - I shouldn't think so. 684 01:03:55,724 --> 01:03:59,956 In any case he has to keep his voice down with Van Kleefe and his everything's close attendance, is he? 685 01:04:02,541 --> 01:04:04,778 It's a minute to go. I wonder if he's there yet. 686 01:04:06,222 --> 01:04:07,307 Where are we then? 687 01:04:07,475 --> 01:04:10,483 It's obvious innit, eh? We're in Bulgaria! 688 01:04:11,942 --> 01:04:18,114 I know that, I know where we are. What I meant was, well, where are we? 689 01:04:18,388 --> 01:04:22,393 This is the North Sea Canal Rodney. Takes us right into the heart of Amsterdam. 690 01:04:23,846 --> 01:04:28,574 Yeah, just don't act suspicious Rodney, just let's pretend we're Dutchmen, right? 691 01:04:30,927 --> 01:04:32,150 Ajax! 692 01:04:37,218 --> 01:04:38,799 It's one minute past time. Why ain't he rung? 693 01:04:39,652 --> 01:04:40,573 Maybe they've sunk! 694 01:04:40,608 --> 01:04:46,037 No no they've got their Uncle Albert with them - yeah maybe they have sunk. 695 01:04:48,292 --> 01:04:55,080 Hello? Oh hello, Mr Biggastaff, you bought a car of us when? 696 01:04:56,883 --> 01:05:00,563 Well I don't care if you are broken down on the A1, what do you expect me to do about it? 697 01:05:01,767 --> 01:05:03,869 Well my advice to you pal is shove it. 698 01:05:05,259 --> 01:05:08,370 No this is not Mr Boyce speaking, this is his public relations officer. 699 01:05:40,708 --> 01:05:42,658 - You stay down here alright? - Why? 700 01:05:43,748 --> 01:05:47,810 'Cause we don't know what sort of welcome we're going to get up there do we? Might turn very nasty. 701 01:05:48,141 --> 01:05:50,862 Oi listen Del, if there's going to be any trouble I want to be up there with you. 702 01:05:51,104 --> 01:05:54,843 I want you to stay down here Rodney, first sign of any trouble from up there now, you leg it. 703 01:05:55,051 --> 01:05:56,236 - No way. - Rodney 704 01:05:56,706 --> 01:05:59,089 You keep your eye on him, make sure he stays down here. 705 01:05:59,421 --> 01:06:00,359 Alright Del. 706 01:06:00,543 --> 01:06:01,586 It's for the best son. 707 01:06:27,155 --> 01:06:32,769 Good afternoon, Derek Trotter from London. 708 01:06:40,263 --> 01:06:46,296 Good afternoon Mr Van Kleefe, my name is Derek Trotter, sorry I'm a bit late, 709 01:06:46,456 --> 01:06:48,204 I had a bit of bother as you can probably see. 710 01:06:49,531 --> 01:06:59,702 Not a worry Mr Trotter, you're here now - this is Mr Hussein Abdul's cousin and these two gentlemen are my assistants. 711 01:07:00,248 --> 01:07:03,170 He's a big lad ain't he? Suppose it's all that cheese he eats is it? 712 01:07:11,292 --> 01:07:12,953 Do you have the money Mr Trotter? 713 01:07:13,133 --> 01:07:16,344 Yes I have the money Mr Van Kleefe. Do you have the diamonds? 714 01:07:17,008 --> 01:07:19,526 Yes I have the diamonds. 715 01:07:29,607 --> 01:07:32,660 If you'll examine them, I'll go and make the phone call. 716 01:07:41,678 --> 01:07:45,957 Hello? Oh good afternoon Mr Van Kleefe. 717 01:07:46,256 --> 01:07:47,128 It's him. 718 01:07:47,738 --> 01:07:51,595 Your man has arrived. Of course. 719 01:07:53,785 --> 01:07:55,064 He wants to talk to you. 720 01:08:13,795 --> 01:08:16,089 - Hello Boycie. - Everything alright Del? 721 01:08:16,613 --> 01:08:19,998 - Yeah, couldn't be better. - Is my cousin there? 722 01:08:21,043 --> 01:08:23,431 - Is Abdul's cousin there? - Yeah. 723 01:08:23,603 --> 01:08:24,989 He's checking the merchandise now. 724 01:08:25,308 --> 01:08:31,950 These are blue white stone, purity absolutely clean, cut by experts. These are of the finest quality. 725 01:08:33,782 --> 01:08:35,232 He says they're pucker. 726 01:08:35,886 --> 01:08:37,174 The stones are good. 727 01:08:39,443 --> 01:08:50,041 Okay Del, I'm now going to give you the combination to the briefcase. Its 7.1.4. 728 01:08:54,553 --> 01:08:56,870 9.3.9. 729 01:09:42,456 --> 01:09:43,830 Good. 730 01:09:46,243 --> 01:09:48,412 I believe these are yours Mr Trotter. 731 01:09:49,401 --> 01:09:50,617 Thank you very much. 732 01:09:51,819 --> 01:09:56,415 - Boycie we got a deal. - Good - no problems? 733 01:09:56,755 --> 01:10:00,489 No, everything went as sweet as a nut - I'll see you soon. 734 01:10:01,290 --> 01:10:04,865 - Yeah don't forget now will you? - I'll give you a bell. 735 01:10:07,895 --> 01:10:10,428 - Will you be needing me any longer? - No, no, on your way pal. 736 01:10:12,724 --> 01:10:20,993 The exchange is completed. Thank you, it's nice doing business with you as well. 737 01:10:23,263 --> 01:10:29,912 - Well must fly. See you soon Mr Van Cleef. - Good day Mr Trotter and good luck. 738 01:10:30,856 --> 01:10:31,861 Thank you. 739 01:10:33,041 --> 01:10:34,267 Ajax. 740 01:10:44,745 --> 01:10:53,542 The courier just left - should be with you soon. Trotter. Derek Trotter. 741 01:11:06,333 --> 01:11:09,590 - Alright Del? Terrific. Well gentlemen. 742 01:11:16,868 --> 01:11:18,489 - Leg it! - Let's go! 743 01:11:59,869 --> 01:12:03,837 - Come on Albert, come on. - Come on, we got to keep going. 744 01:12:04,941 --> 01:12:09,191 - You two go on, go on, I'll be alright. - Yeah alright, come on Del. 745 01:12:11,029 --> 01:12:12,186 We can't leave him. 746 01:12:12,475 --> 01:12:14,413 Why not? He's got nothing incriminating on him. 747 01:12:14,825 --> 01:12:18,473 Hey now, come on, you can't leave the poor old sod to face the music can you? 748 01:12:20,656 --> 01:12:23,326 Alright, alright, look, look, hands up, no rough stuff, eh? 749 01:12:32,815 --> 01:12:39,214 You dozy little twonk Rodney, what did you shout run for? 750 01:12:40,134 --> 01:12:44,143 - It weren't me, it was him. - Del shouted run. 751 01:12:44,655 --> 01:12:48,160 - No I didn't, it was nothing to do with me. - Yes you did, I heard you. 752 01:12:48,936 --> 01:12:52,384 I come out the building didn't I? I was doing all the main heavy... 753 01:13:03,774 --> 01:13:05,061 You called sir? 754 01:13:08,611 --> 01:13:10,282 We've got our man Hoskins! 755 01:13:14,114 --> 01:13:17,260 Del? How did you find out sir? 756 01:13:17,295 --> 01:13:21,585 I've got a funny feeling in my water - remember what happened last time I had that funny feeling? 757 01:13:21,811 --> 01:13:22,845 Oh, you mean the antibiotics? 758 01:13:23,775 --> 01:13:24,709 No, I don't mean that. 759 01:13:25,475 --> 01:13:29,348 I'm talking about the time I nicked that little Paki gang for bringing in cocaine mixed with curry powder. 760 01:13:29,383 --> 01:13:31,862 Oh yeah, that was a good hunch of yours sir. 761 01:13:32,674 --> 01:13:37,512 Have a look at this - I've got Davis and Skinner covering Luton Airport, 762 01:13:37,547 --> 01:13:40,749 there's a ten-man team at Heathrow, you and me are at Gatwick. 763 01:13:42,018 --> 01:13:47,196 Right Hoskins, I'm going to teach you the basic rules of airport surveillance 764 01:13:47,888 --> 01:13:56,625 remember patience Hoskins, be prepared for a long, long wait, also suspect everyone. 765 01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:00,778 What's the most important thing we have to do Hoskins? 766 01:14:02,686 --> 01:14:03,692 I don't know sir... 767 01:14:08,624 --> 01:14:13,557 - Oh yeah, wear sombreros! - What do I look like? 768 01:14:17,306 --> 01:14:20,334 - Carry on sir. - I look like an ordinary holiday-maker don't I? 769 01:14:21,064 --> 01:14:23,386 Oh I see - blend into the surroundings. 770 01:14:23,937 --> 01:14:29,727 The first rule of surveillance is, don't look conspicuous. 771 01:14:31,437 --> 01:14:34,247 We'll have to get you something Hoskins, you look a right tit! 772 01:14:38,062 --> 01:14:43,526 How can we be lost again? I thought you'd know the way by now! 773 01:14:43,951 --> 01:14:47,276 - So did I - it looks the same to me. 774 01:14:48,583 --> 01:14:51,328 - I feel sick. - Oh shut up Rodney! 775 01:14:51,363 --> 01:14:55,547 Look, why can't we just go back the way we came? 776 01:14:56,135 --> 01:14:57,883 That's what I've been trying to do. 777 01:14:59,138 --> 01:15:00,228 Del, there's a ship. 778 01:15:01,274 --> 01:15:04,197 Oh well, that's a turn up for the book innit eh? 779 01:15:04,704 --> 01:15:08,155 This is the last place you'd expect to find a ship, oh. 780 01:15:09,101 --> 01:15:13,464 - It's the Norland. - It's the Norland - so what? 781 01:15:14,391 --> 01:15:18,630 The Norland, we saw that back in port just 'fore we left England. 782 01:15:19,492 --> 01:15:22,180 Del, that is the Zeebrugge to Hull ferry. 783 01:15:23,100 --> 01:15:31,527 Alright so it's the Zeebrugge to Hull...the Zee... good boy Rodney, well spotted. Albert. 784 01:15:31,562 --> 01:15:34,601 - Sir? - Follow that boat! 785 01:15:39,422 --> 01:15:41,038 Four o'clock they're still not back. 786 01:15:42,285 --> 01:15:45,499 It's not four o'clock it's half past twelve. 787 01:15:49,072 --> 01:15:52,846 Bloody watch. They're still a day late though, something has gone wrong. 788 01:15:53,507 --> 01:15:57,284 Del phoned me this morning at half past seven he's back in England, 789 01:15:57,682 --> 01:16:01,847 they even got through customs without a hitch, they probably got held up on the way h... 790 01:16:07,203 --> 01:16:08,557 It's them. 791 01:16:17,065 --> 01:16:18,839 Let Popeye out the back will you Rodney? 792 01:16:25,942 --> 01:16:26,894 Where the hell have you... 793 01:16:27,113 --> 01:16:29,038 Alright, alright, alright. 794 01:16:29,900 --> 01:16:34,375 Had a bit of trouble you know, got lost in the middle of the North Sea, 795 01:16:35,540 --> 01:16:39,339 then Rodney spotted the Zeebrugge to Hull ferry so we followed it. 796 01:16:39,850 --> 01:16:41,093 And that's how you got to Hull? 797 01:16:41,425 --> 01:16:45,527 No, that is how we got to Zeebrugge – it was going the wrong bloody way, 798 01:16:46,308 --> 01:16:48,537 so we had to wait for it to turn round and then we followed it back. 799 01:16:49,229 --> 01:16:50,910 Okay well you're here now anyway. 800 01:16:57,323 --> 01:16:58,696 Okay, you got the diamonds? 801 01:17:00,257 --> 01:17:01,545 You got the money? 802 01:17:07,820 --> 01:17:10,604 - Here's your money. - Now, put it on the table. 803 01:17:11,029 --> 01:17:13,604 - Del, Del. - On the table, on the table. 804 01:17:30,289 --> 01:17:33,429 - Buenos dias. - Bloody hell, Slater. 805 01:17:36,876 --> 01:17:38,833 Rodney, quick this way, out the back. 806 01:17:50,850 --> 01:17:52,198 They're pretty ain't they? 807 01:17:55,019 --> 01:17:57,667 - Inspector Slater. - Chief Inspector. 808 01:17:58,593 --> 01:18:05,280 My apologies, Chief Inspector,couldn't we discuss this in a civilized and gentlemanly manner? 809 01:18:05,499 --> 01:18:08,173 What's to discuss? I've got you bang to rights. 810 01:18:11,792 --> 01:18:14,783 Phew, you smell like a mackerel trawler. 811 01:18:15,229 --> 01:18:18,234 So would you if you spent half the week in the middle of the North Sea. 812 01:18:19,085 --> 01:18:23,389 Oh, so you came in by sea did you? I just spent 18 hours waiting at Gatwick Airport for you. 813 01:18:23,959 --> 01:18:26,797 Who is this little person - don't tell me, you're a Trotter ain't ya? 814 01:18:27,275 --> 01:18:28,516 I'm the boy's Uncle. 815 01:18:28,551 --> 01:18:30,288 Yeah you can see the family resemblance – 816 01:18:30,323 --> 01:18:34,958 it's those shifty little rodent eyes and the furtive movement of the feet, dead giveaway. 817 01:18:36,891 --> 01:18:38,279 This is a very sad day for me 818 01:18:39,443 --> 01:18:45,538 my very last case and I have to nick two of me old school friends. Still never mind, eh? 819 01:18:47,924 --> 01:18:50,370 Thirty, spot on. 820 01:18:53,404 --> 01:18:58,081 Roy, give us a break will ya? 821 01:18:59,726 --> 01:19:05,007 Wasn't us that smuggled those diamonds in, it was Del Boy. 822 01:19:07,089 --> 01:19:11,062 Yes he's right Chief Inspector, it was nothing to do with us, it was them three. 823 01:19:12,598 --> 01:19:17,693 - No, no, no, it was just me Slater. - No, I was the brains behind it. 824 01:19:21,806 --> 01:19:23,099 Oh alright then. 825 01:19:24,980 --> 01:19:31,827 It is tearing me apart to see you lot squirming like this - what am I to do? 826 01:19:36,785 --> 01:19:38,286 Away you go Parker. 827 01:19:40,576 --> 01:19:46,612 Alright I've reached a decision- there are two ways we can handle this unfortunate situation 828 01:19:47,526 --> 01:19:53,557 One, I take you all down the nick with the evidence and see you banged up for five years apiece, or - Two 829 01:19:54,334 --> 01:19:56,319 I walk out of here and pretend it never happened. 830 01:19:57,635 --> 01:20:00,848 Yeah, that sounds a good scheme Roy, let's pretend it never happened. 831 01:20:03,508 --> 01:20:07,583 - Yes, yes, I will go along with that. - What do you think Del Boy? 832 01:20:08,740 --> 01:20:12,950 I think something smells very fishy around here and it ain't just these clothes. 833 01:20:14,366 --> 01:20:17,033 How come you knew there were thirty diamonds in that bag? 834 01:20:17,459 --> 01:20:21,035 Yeah, and how come you knew who was involved right from the start? 835 01:20:21,739 --> 01:20:25,018 Just a minute - when we were in the cafe the other day 836 01:20:25,053 --> 01:20:27,369 that bloke you was telling us about that you couldn't nick for smuggling diamonds 837 01:20:27,404 --> 01:20:29,834 'cause of lack of evidence, what was his name? 838 01:20:29,869 --> 01:20:30,963 You mean Henry? 839 01:20:30,998 --> 01:20:36,223 Yeah - his surname wouldn't have been Van Kleefe by any chance would it? 840 01:20:36,258 --> 01:20:42,413 - You found me out you rascal. - What - you and Van Kleefe? 841 01:20:42,722 --> 01:20:45,620 That's right. He offered me a little business deal. 842 01:20:46,391 --> 01:20:49,855 He sets up a bunch of wallies who are greedy enough to smuggle diamonds into the country 843 01:20:49,890 --> 01:20:56,523 and I pick them up this side of the water. Not only do we get paid both ends - you take all the risks. 844 01:20:57,412 --> 01:21:03,842 Brilliant innit? It's the third time we've pulled it off and there is nothing you can do about it - 845 01:21:04,738 --> 01:21:11,854 unless of course you fancy a spell in the Scrubs. Well gentlemen, I think we've concluded our business don't you? 846 01:21:14,839 --> 01:21:21,396 Ain't you going to wish me good luck for the future - no? Oh well, win some, lose some. 847 01:21:24,590 --> 01:21:27,270 I hope we bump into each other one of these days, Slater. 848 01:21:27,624 --> 01:21:35,418 I don't think so Del Boy, I'm going a long way away from here. Cheer up lads - still got your freedom. 849 01:21:40,056 --> 01:21:41,578 You berk Abdul. 850 01:21:42,173 --> 01:21:45,378 How was I to know Van Kleefe was a crook? Bloody foreigner. 851 01:21:51,655 --> 01:21:52,955 Where are you going Del? 852 01:21:53,990 --> 01:22:00,745 Where am I going? I'm going where I should have stayed right at the bloody start - going home. 853 01:22:01,765 --> 01:22:05,014 Look, don't, don't get the hump with us, we ain't done nothing. 854 01:22:05,327 --> 01:22:06,579 You ain't done nothing? 855 01:22:07,653 --> 01:22:14,933 You sent me half-way round the world, I've been to Amsterdam, I've been to Hull and back, for what? 856 01:22:15,716 --> 01:22:22,315 Slater's taken the diamonds, he's taken the money, on top of all that my two mates have grassed me up. 857 01:22:23,851 --> 01:22:28,907 - We weren't actually grassing on you. - No, no, no, it was more of a diversary tactic. 858 01:22:29,286 --> 01:22:41,194 - Yeah to divert the blame from yourselves. - Come on Rodney, Albert, let's go home. 859 01:22:56,490 --> 01:23:01,138 I can't understand sir not a single clue to the diamonds whereabouts. 860 01:23:01,411 --> 01:23:03,360 Not a thing, they were all as clean as whistles. 861 01:23:03,874 --> 01:23:09,163 This is the third time we've followed these diamonds and this is the third time we've drawn a blank. 862 01:23:09,529 --> 01:23:15,477 That's the way it goes in this game - maybe I'm past it Hoskins, my hunches don't seem to pay off any more. 863 01:23:16,156 --> 01:23:20,929 - Just as well I'm taking early retirement. - Do you know what I think? 864 01:23:21,209 --> 01:23:25,046 No and to be honest I'm not really interested, you're not paid to think Hoskins, 865 01:23:25,203 --> 01:23:27,230 you're paid to do your job, now drive me home. 866 01:23:31,236 --> 01:23:33,149 Where are you going Hoskins, this isn't the way to my house? 867 01:23:33,184 --> 01:23:34,818 No, I know it isn't sir. 868 01:23:35,669 --> 01:23:36,665 What's all this? 869 01:23:39,838 --> 01:23:48,136 They've known about you for a long time and they just couldn't catch you in possession till now sir. 870 01:23:48,742 --> 01:23:51,941 - You've set me up. - You set yourself up, sir. 871 01:23:52,869 --> 01:24:00,075 Look Hoskins, Terrance, use your loaf, help me out of this and I'll make you a rich man - 872 01:24:00,900 --> 01:24:06,911 the money from them other diamonds is in a bank account, I'll let you have half. What do you think? 873 01:24:07,412 --> 01:24:13,128 You seem to forget sir, I don't think, I only do my job. 874 01:24:42,663 --> 01:24:44,142 I think we should phone the police. 875 01:24:44,544 --> 01:24:48,292 Phone the police? Oh yeah. And what are we going to tell them? 876 01:24:48,963 --> 01:24:52,558 A bent copper disguised as the Cisco Kid stole our smuggled diamonds. 877 01:24:53,967 --> 01:24:58,804 Yeah, you have a point. Well anyway at least the only money we lost was counterfeit. 878 01:24:59,974 --> 01:25:06,065 - Apart from the fifteen grand Slater half-inched. - You mean that was real? 879 01:25:07,872 --> 01:25:09,307 I drew it out the bank Friday. 880 01:25:11,242 --> 01:25:22,353 I didn't intend to pay Del Boy funny money, I ain't into plastic surgery. I am gutted. Gutted. 881 01:25:28,621 --> 01:25:30,622 Alright, alright, hold on, hold on a minute. 882 01:25:34,973 --> 01:25:39,893 Oi, listen you two, this hasn't turned out as bad as you think. 883 01:25:40,957 --> 01:25:47,417 Hasn't turned out as bad as we think - it's turned out bloody well Rodney. Albert, pour the drinks. 884 01:25:48,180 --> 01:25:49,390 What do you want Rodney? 885 01:25:49,776 --> 01:25:51,347 Well an explanation would be nice. 886 01:25:56,032 --> 01:25:59,524 Listen to me, you know that fifty grand that we took over to Amsterdam? 887 01:26:00,686 --> 01:26:05,864 - It was counterfeit. - It was counterfeit - and you knew? 888 01:26:06,499 --> 01:26:08,878 Well not till I opened the case in Van Kleefe's office I didn't. 889 01:26:10,090 --> 01:26:14,798 There's one thing I do know about Rodney, and that is kosher readies. Oh cheers. 890 01:26:15,743 --> 01:26:16,969 And you didn't tell no one? 891 01:26:17,676 --> 01:26:21,759 Oh yes, I said, 'Excuse me Mr Van Kleefe, all that money, it's Mickey Mouse money.' 892 01:26:22,100 --> 01:26:26,471 Of course I didn't, I just stood there and prayed, course me old apron was going like a moped. 893 01:26:26,635 --> 01:26:31,453 Fortunately he gave the money to these two gorillas to check and, well, they were about as bright as an eclipse. 894 01:26:34,422 --> 01:26:38,156 So Boycie and Abdul sent us over there with fake money? 895 01:26:39,105 --> 01:26:41,566 Right, we're going to get even with them for that ain't we? 896 01:26:42,012 --> 01:26:43,325 We already have Rodney. 897 01:26:44,808 --> 01:26:46,548 Go on Albert, show him. 898 01:26:46,875 --> 01:26:48,248 Hold your hand out. 899 01:26:57,503 --> 01:26:58,908 They're real ain't they? 900 01:26:59,498 --> 01:27:02,531 They're top of the range my son, blue-white purity, 901 01:27:02,706 --> 01:27:08,355 absolutely clean, they are as they say in France, chasse de forme? 902 01:27:09,377 --> 01:27:13,679 Eh, no, hold on, Slater picked up thirty diamonds. 903 01:27:13,944 --> 01:27:16,762 No he didn't, he took twentyeight diamond and... 904 01:27:17,023 --> 01:27:18,532 ...two cats eyes. 905 01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:24,195 Oh Derek, oh, who's a pretty boy then? 906 01:27:26,805 --> 01:27:28,268 Worth about five grand each - 907 01:27:29,466 --> 01:27:32,970 well by the time we've put them through the fence we'll get what, six grand for the pair. 908 01:27:33,785 --> 01:27:40,340 Six thousand pounds split three ways means that you two get one thousand pounds each in your skies? 909 01:27:45,193 --> 01:27:48,383 - Well actually, we got slightly more than that Derek. - Hm, what do you mean? 910 01:27:48,792 --> 01:27:50,685 You know that fifteen grand that went missing? 911 01:27:51,036 --> 01:27:53,656 It didn't go missing, that bark Slater picked it up, didn't he? 912 01:27:54,164 --> 01:27:55,638 Oh, Slater didn't pick it up. 913 01:27:56,571 --> 01:27:58,081 I did. 914 01:28:03,520 --> 01:28:05,707 You crafty little sod Rodney. 915 01:28:06,571 --> 01:28:09,306 Well you know, it was just there lying on the table 916 01:28:09,816 --> 01:28:17,273 and in all that confusion when we tried to escape I could just hear it saying, 'Daddy, Daddy', so I picked it up. 917 01:28:20,248 --> 01:28:21,974 You know what we're going to do with this money Rodney? 918 01:28:22,768 --> 01:28:28,742 Yes - we'll invest it, we'll make it work for us, this time next year we'll be millionaires... 919 01:28:29,626 --> 01:28:33,529 - …or shall we go to Benidorm? - No, I'll show you what we're going to do with it. 920 01:28:50,056 --> 01:28:53,366 For a minute I thought he threw that fifteen grand out the window. 921 01:28:55,478 --> 01:28:59,911 No don't be silly Unc, I mean who'd do a silly thing like that! 922 01:29:06,473 --> 01:29:11,397 It was Boycie's money weren't it? It was fake, dud, counterfeit. 923 01:29:13,526 --> 01:29:17,704 But it looked genuine enough to be 'cause you know it had all the little watermarks in it 924 01:29:17,912 --> 01:29:19,995 and the little silver strips and everything. 925 01:29:20,414 --> 01:29:25,625 Oh leave it out Rodney, what do you think I am eh, some sort of wally? 926 01:29:29,271 --> 01:29:32,284 Subtitles by NVL