1
00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:43,201
And I'll have a dozen da--da--date...
2
00:00:43,373 --> 00:00:47,764
A dozen da--da--date...
I'll have a dozen date and walnut.
3
00:00:47,933 --> 00:00:51,403
And don't think that's three dozen
I've just ordered.
4
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,164
G--Granville!
5
00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:31,893
I can't hear you m--moving.
6
00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:36,531
I don't pay you for not moving.
7
00:01:52,693 --> 00:01:54,092
Hey!
8
00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:58,803
Never mind the tap dancing, Gene Kelly.
Get on with it.
9
00:01:58,973 --> 00:02:00,804
Just having a quiet think.
10
00:02:00,973 --> 00:02:02,691
(HE TUTS)
11
00:02:02,853 --> 00:02:05,083
What's wrong with a quiet think?
12
00:02:05,253 --> 00:02:09,087
You'll finish up with blackheads
and a greasy complexion.
13
00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:13,041
Do we live life at such a pace
that there's no time to pause?
14
00:02:13,213 --> 00:02:16,523
-- Pausing can be dangerous.
-- How can it be dangerous?
15
00:02:16,693 --> 00:02:19,890
If I catch you at it, I'll hit you with that brush.
16
00:02:20,053 --> 00:02:24,092
The shopkeeper's first commandment --
thou shalt not be motionless.
17
00:02:24,253 --> 00:02:27,928
It's pouring with rain.
I cannot sweep the pavement today.
18
00:02:28,093 --> 00:02:30,288
Then mop it, poppet, mop it.
19
00:02:30,453 --> 00:02:32,921
You don't like getting up in the morning.
20
00:02:33,093 --> 00:02:37,405
I don't mind the morning,
it's getting up in the middle of the night!
21
00:02:37,573 --> 00:02:41,043
-- It's a question of attitude.
-- Yeah. I know yours.
22
00:02:41,213 --> 00:02:44,888
Greet the day with a smile,
put a bit of energy into it
23
00:02:45,053 --> 00:02:49,171
and make a firm resolve
to always help somebody every day
24
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,608
to spend a few bob.
25
00:02:51,773 --> 00:02:54,970
Gene Kelly never used to complain
when it rained.
26
00:02:55,133 --> 00:03:00,082
No. Mind you, he had a fair bit of overtime,
didn't he? Debbie Reynolds.
27
00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:17,525
(HUMS "SINGIN' IN THE RAIN")
28
00:03:24,453 --> 00:03:27,445
(ORCHESTRA JOINS IN)
29
00:04:26,893 --> 00:04:29,123
What are you doing?
30
00:04:30,293 --> 00:04:32,807
Stop all this terpsichory.
31
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,441
Come on in before someone sees you.
32
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:41,325
You'll be sorry,
snapping your legs open like that.
33
00:05:37,373 --> 00:05:41,127
Why are you throwing
raw sausages about, Granville?
34
00:05:41,293 --> 00:05:43,853
I wondered what that was then.
35
00:05:44,013 --> 00:05:49,087
It was a sausage. Now it is a sausage
with f--fluff on it. Look at that.
36
00:05:49,253 --> 00:05:54,327
You could copyright that.
Granville's f--fluffy sausages for stuffing sofas.
37
00:05:54,493 --> 00:05:59,203
Silly fool. I was just reading
when this big slimy creepy--crawlie thing
38
00:05:59,373 --> 00:06:01,011
came sliding in.
39
00:06:01,173 --> 00:06:03,926
That'll be Mr Mclntyre for his embrocation.
40
00:06:06,893 --> 00:06:10,602
Do you believe there is a destiny
that shapes our ends?
41
00:06:13,813 --> 00:06:16,486
Funny you should say that, you know.
42
00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:19,531
I was sitting here contemplating my breakfast,
43
00:06:19,693 --> 00:06:22,890
wondering if there was a destiny
that shapes our ends.
44
00:06:23,053 --> 00:06:24,850
You must have an opinion.
45
00:06:25,013 --> 00:06:29,609
All right. I must stress
that this is only a layman's opinion,
46
00:06:29,773 --> 00:06:34,801
but I think that if the average man had been
responsible for shaping his own end,
47
00:06:34,973 --> 00:06:38,761
then things would have turned out
a lot better looking.
48
00:06:38,933 --> 00:06:43,563
-- I'm being serious.
-- Why do you read these creepy stories?
49
00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:45,849
I'm interested in the supernatural.
50
00:06:46,013 --> 00:06:50,928
So am I. So am I. I'm interested
in things that go bump in the night.
51
00:06:51,093 --> 00:06:55,006
The trouble is to get
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel interested.
52
00:06:59,693 --> 00:07:02,651
Don't delay me. I've got patients to see.
53
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:06,249
You mustn't soil
these medicinal hands, my love.
54
00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:10,292
-- I'm only wiping me windscreen.
-- Not while I'm here.
55
00:07:10,453 --> 00:07:15,766
No fiancée of mine is going to stoop
to menial chores while I'm present.
56
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:18,083
Right, then.
57
00:07:19,013 --> 00:07:21,368
Granville, fetch a cloth!
58
00:07:21,533 --> 00:07:24,172
Leave him alone, you slave driver!
59
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:27,564
-- I might have known.
-- He'll do it for you.
60
00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:30,930
He won't. He's got quite enough on his plate.
61
00:07:31,093 --> 00:07:36,213
He seems to have time to sit there
filling his head with ho--ho--horror stories.
62
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:39,046
Well, I suppose it's only natural.
63
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:44,409
-- He's been living with a monster for years.
-- Oh, I see.
64
00:07:44,573 --> 00:07:48,486
I can come and bite your neck
when your mother's gone to bed.
65
00:07:48,653 --> 00:07:53,727
-- I'm washing me hair tonight.
-- Again? You washed it last week.
66
00:07:53,893 --> 00:07:57,169
-- Why are you washing it again?
-- Going out tomorrow.
67
00:07:58,373 --> 00:08:01,888
-- Out?
-- That's right. Out.
68
00:08:02,053 --> 00:08:04,613
Out? On a Sunday?
69
00:08:04,773 --> 00:08:09,927
Don't you get enough excitement during the
week checking on people's bowel movements
70
00:08:10,093 --> 00:08:12,687
without gallivanting around on a Sunday?
71
00:08:12,853 --> 00:08:16,050
No need to get so upset. I'm only going out.
72
00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:20,092
I'm not doing anything shocking,
like asking you for credit.
73
00:08:20,893 --> 00:08:24,568
-- Where are you going?
-- Mind your own allotment.
74
00:08:24,733 --> 00:08:29,966
That's a nice thing to say to someone who
hand picks your Walnut Whipples for you.
75
00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:34,604
It's nothing to get hyper--tense about.
Save that for the Inland Revenue.
76
00:08:34,773 --> 00:08:37,970
-- That's a terrible thing to say.
-- What is?
77
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,009
Inland Revenue.
78
00:08:41,173 --> 00:08:45,246
Here, why don't I come with you, eh?
79
00:08:45,413 --> 00:08:48,883
You wouldn't enjoy it.
It's a sort of medical gathering.
80
00:08:49,053 --> 00:08:51,851
I've heard about them sorts of gatherings.
81
00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:55,847
Nurses and doctors
all playing doctors and nurses.
82
00:08:57,733 --> 00:09:00,645
You don't want me with you, do you?
83
00:09:00,813 --> 00:09:02,804
You wouldn't enjoy it.
84
00:09:02,973 --> 00:09:07,251
Anyway, you're not taking me anywhere
till you get a new suit.
85
00:09:08,413 --> 00:09:11,325
Oh, dear. What's wrong with me suit?
86
00:09:11,493 --> 00:09:17,090
If you want a medical opinion, I've seen
better things on the floors of ambulances.
87
00:09:17,253 --> 00:09:22,008
Don't look so miserable.
It was bound to happen. You need a new suit.
88
00:09:22,173 --> 00:09:25,722
-- Well, I don't see why.
-- I'll tell you why.
89
00:09:26,773 --> 00:09:31,244
I'm not going out with you
until you get a new suit.
90
00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:39,372
W--When I bought it, it were a new suit!
91
00:09:41,573 --> 00:09:47,728
Granville, in your opinion, is there any need
for me to waste money on a new suit?
92
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,805
Yes.
93
00:09:49,973 --> 00:09:52,567
-- If that's your attitude...
-- You asked me.
94
00:09:52,733 --> 00:09:56,203
-- I know. I respect your opinion.
-- Right, then.
95
00:09:56,373 --> 00:10:01,367
But the way I phrased the question,
it was obvious you should have said no.
96
00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:05,651
Oh, I see. Well, you do need a new suit.
97
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,804
Who asked your opinion?
98
00:10:28,053 --> 00:10:29,850
Lovely child, madam.
99
00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:33,847
Bring him to Bickerdyke
when he needs a formal garment.
100
00:10:34,013 --> 00:10:36,004
Lovely little chap.
101
00:10:43,053 --> 00:10:45,965
-- Morning, Arkwright.
-- Morning, Bickerdyke.
102
00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:49,045
-- How's shopkeeping?
-- There's no money about.
103
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:52,492
Enough for a new suit. You did ask me to call.
104
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:57,568
Yes. I'm looking for something hard--wearing
and... How can I put it?
105
00:10:57,733 --> 00:10:59,451
Cheap?
106
00:10:59,613 --> 00:11:05,245
You always had a very shrewd business instinct,
Bickerdyke. You should go far.
107
00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:08,928
-- How is the tailoring?
-- There's no money about.
108
00:11:09,093 --> 00:11:11,482
We're all feeling the squeeze.
109
00:11:11,653 --> 00:11:13,723
What with this new slimming fad,
110
00:11:13,893 --> 00:11:17,363
I bet the bottom's gone
from your ladies' trousers.
111
00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:20,411
Are you still knocking off the district nurse?
112
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,931
Are you still knocking off a discount for cash?
113
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,692
I can do a good price for the fuller figure.
114
00:11:28,853 --> 00:11:31,651
How is Mrs Bickerdyke?
115
00:11:31,813 --> 00:11:36,204
Hard--working, conscientious, upright...
116
00:11:36,373 --> 00:11:38,682
still as miserable as ever.
117
00:11:38,853 --> 00:11:42,243
-- What colour did you have in mind?
-- I usually have navy.
118
00:11:42,413 --> 00:11:46,804
Usually? It's 30 years since you had a new suit.
You call that usually?
119
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:48,452
47.
120
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:53,127
-- Does that feel comfortable?
-- Fine.
121
00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:56,046
But I can't just wear a ta--tape measure.
122
00:11:56,933 --> 00:12:01,006
What have you got that's rugged,
hard--wearing and tough?
123
00:12:01,173 --> 00:12:05,849
-- Apart from Mrs Bickerdyke.
-- Oh, that woman! 47.
124
00:12:06,013 --> 00:12:09,847
I shall need something
with a reinforced back pocket.
125
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:11,969
-- 47.
-- Oh.
126
00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:15,205
It's not as if I don't like women.
I'm not biased.
127
00:12:15,373 --> 00:12:17,648
I can get on with other men's wives.
128
00:12:17,813 --> 00:12:20,281
Not as often as I'd like maybe.
129
00:12:20,453 --> 00:12:24,048
-- Oh. 46.
-- That makes a change, doesn't it?
130
00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:28,570
What about you
and that Mrs Ta--Ta--Tattersall?
131
00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:32,487
Well, she's not getting any younger. In fact...
132
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:36,811
She's becoming a bit of a nuisance.
133
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:40,648
What she needs
is a reconciliation with her husband.
134
00:12:40,813 --> 00:12:44,601
A return to the arms of a patient, good man.
135
00:12:44,773 --> 00:12:47,606
-- But he's dead.
-- I know.
136
00:12:49,093 --> 00:12:52,927
Enough of other people's problems.
Look at these samples.
137
00:12:53,093 --> 00:12:58,167
Samples are no good. I can't wear samples.
I want something I can wear tomorrow.
138
00:12:59,573 --> 00:13:01,803
You mean something of the peg?
139
00:13:01,973 --> 00:13:04,692
I don't want the peg left in it, do I?
140
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:07,128
I want something ready to wear.
141
00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:10,807
-- I'll see what I can find.
-- Yes.
142
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:16,688
-- You know your inside leg?
-- As well as anybody.
143
00:13:18,973 --> 00:13:23,649
-- Do you know how long it is?
-- Yes. It's just the right length.
144
00:13:23,813 --> 00:13:26,691
-- We'll soon find out.
-- Right.
145
00:13:36,173 --> 00:13:41,167
It's all right, Mrs Blewitt. It's the VAT
man come for an arm and a leg.
146
00:13:42,253 --> 00:13:44,642
I'll see what I've got in van.
147
00:13:44,813 --> 00:13:47,008
I'm going to get a rebate.
148
00:13:48,493 --> 00:13:51,451
Don't worry, Mrs Blewitt. He's just my tailor.
149
00:13:52,053 --> 00:13:54,442
-- Measuring you for new trousers?
-- No.
150
00:13:54,613 --> 00:13:58,128
He was just giving me an MOT on the old ones.
151
00:13:58,293 --> 00:14:00,853
What can I do you for, Mrs Blewitt?
152
00:14:01,013 --> 00:14:03,971
I'll have half a pound of rice, please.
153
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:07,443
Half a pound of rice. Certainly.
Sweet or savoury?
154
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:11,526
-- Well, it's for throwing at a wedding.
-- Oh.
155
00:14:11,693 --> 00:14:14,969
-- White or brown?
-- White, I suppose.
156
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:19,604
I only ask because we've had
quite a few brown weddings here lately.
157
00:14:21,413 --> 00:14:25,452
What's this free gift, Arkwright?
It's not like you.
158
00:14:25,613 --> 00:14:28,525
No. It's competition, Mrs Blewitt.
159
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:31,287
It's an incentive for the small shopper.
160
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:36,083
It's a handy container in a choice
of colours. What colour would you like?
161
00:14:36,253 --> 00:14:38,721
How do I know when I don't know what it is?
162
00:14:38,893 --> 00:14:41,088
Allow me to choose it for you.
163
00:14:41,253 --> 00:14:45,724
Let me see. That's half a pound of rice.
That'll be 16p.
164
00:14:45,893 --> 00:14:50,409
-- Anything else while you're here?
-- Where's me free gift?
165
00:14:50,573 --> 00:14:53,007
I've put your rice in it.
166
00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:59,284
-- A brown paper bag?!
-- That's right, yes.
167
00:14:59,453 --> 00:15:02,684
Would you prefer a white one to match the rice?
168
00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:06,209
Or a black one to match the look on your face.
169
00:15:20,613 --> 00:15:23,252
Oh, God, me jacket's fixed.
170
00:15:32,653 --> 00:15:34,769
Stupid damn key!
171
00:15:49,093 --> 00:15:51,971
Why don't you throw that old suit away?
172
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:56,684
I'm going to have it dry cleaned
and put it away for second best.
173
00:15:56,853 --> 00:16:00,846
In a perfect world, this suit
should be pressed every night...
174
00:16:01,013 --> 00:16:03,652
underneath Nurse Gladys Emmanuel.
175
00:16:04,813 --> 00:16:08,772
I wonder where she's going tomorrow.
I wish she'd tell me.
176
00:16:08,933 --> 00:16:11,891
You're not still reading them horror stories?
177
00:16:12,053 --> 00:16:14,965
If my father was Hungarian,
178
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:20,127
it's just possible
I could be related to Count Dracula.
179
00:16:20,293 --> 00:16:22,124
Oh, dear, dear, dear.
180
00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:25,603
I don't look much like Dracula dressed like this.
181
00:16:25,773 --> 00:16:29,049
I'd fail abysmally as a vampire dressed like this.
182
00:16:29,213 --> 00:16:33,604
You're not tall enough
to go round biting people in the neck.
183
00:16:33,773 --> 00:16:36,241
I could carry a stool.
184
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:40,008
Listen. You could be absolutely world famous
185
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:43,882
if you were the first vampire
to bite people in the elbow.
186
00:16:44,053 --> 00:16:46,567
Oh, don't frighten me like that.
187
00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:50,203
Get old Bickerdyke
to drive his van round the corner
188
00:16:50,373 --> 00:16:54,446
and we can bring the suits in the back.
I don't want people gawping.
189
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,922
Is it all right if I...?
190
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:02,563
-- Do you reckon he'd let me drive it?
-- If he doesn't, bite his elbow.
191
00:17:45,053 --> 00:17:47,521
(STARTS ENGINE)
192
00:17:51,973 --> 00:17:54,965
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
193
00:17:58,133 --> 00:18:01,762
Get that down your neck.
That'll settle your nerves.
194
00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:04,493
Thanks. You're a pal.
195
00:18:05,053 --> 00:18:09,251
-- And your nephew's a lunatic.
-- How was I to know?
196
00:18:10,373 --> 00:18:13,285
-- Didn't you hear me screaming?
-- Not a thing.
197
00:18:13,453 --> 00:18:18,004
I was trying to shout through Harris tweed.
I had me head buried in it.
198
00:18:18,173 --> 00:18:20,403
You can smell the peat smoke.
199
00:18:20,573 --> 00:18:24,725
I never heard a thing.
I was just concentrating on my driving.
200
00:18:24,893 --> 00:18:28,932
-- Me legs were going wobbly at the knees!
-- I only drove a few yards.
201
00:18:29,093 --> 00:18:31,653
Me legs were going in all directions!
202
00:18:31,813 --> 00:18:35,010
Which reminds me, boy, I knew your mother.
203
00:18:35,173 --> 00:18:38,927
Really? How well did you know me mother?
204
00:18:39,093 --> 00:18:41,527
Oh, quite well.
205
00:18:43,973 --> 00:18:48,125
Well, when I say quite well,
I mean hardly at all really.
206
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,284
Drink your beer, Eli.
207
00:18:51,053 --> 00:18:54,682
-- Eli?
-- What's wrong with Eli?
208
00:18:54,853 --> 00:18:56,491
Nothing.
209
00:18:58,773 --> 00:19:01,333
One of me favourite names is Eli.
210
00:19:02,293 --> 00:19:05,603
Don't stand there grimacing.
Deal with the customers.
211
00:19:05,773 --> 00:19:08,287
-- What customers?
-- Eli, for a start.
212
00:19:08,453 --> 00:19:11,525
He's just bought two beers. 84p.
213
00:19:12,413 --> 00:19:14,643
How well did he know me mother?
214
00:19:14,813 --> 00:19:18,852
Just smile and take his money.
That's what she would have done.
215
00:19:20,013 --> 00:19:23,722
-- It's like that, is it?!
-- No, it's not like that at all.
216
00:19:23,893 --> 00:19:27,363
You know your mother
never used her head for business.
217
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,808
Quite the reverse, in fact.
218
00:19:29,973 --> 00:19:34,012
Eli, let's have a look
at that natty suiting of yours.
219
00:20:11,213 --> 00:20:13,522
-- Hello, Granville, love.
-- Hello.
220
00:20:13,693 --> 00:20:15,684
I'll take me bread now.
221
00:20:15,853 --> 00:20:18,242
That'll be 54, please.
222
00:20:22,693 --> 00:20:26,322
-- Haven't you got the right change?
-- I don't think so.
223
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:29,007
-- Sorry, love.
-- It's all right.
224
00:20:29,173 --> 00:20:32,882
Do you reckon they can stitch fingers
back on these days?
225
00:20:33,053 --> 00:20:37,569
-- Get him to slacken that spring.
-- It's all right. You get used to it.
226
00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:41,726
Oh, is that the dulcet tones of Nurse Gladys?
227
00:20:41,893 --> 00:20:45,249
You've got a couple of nice squashy ones there.
228
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,211
-- What's it wearing now?
-- What?
229
00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:52,568
I don't mind you in stripes for a change,
230
00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:56,487
but you could hire yourself out as a deckchair!
231
00:20:56,653 --> 00:21:01,329
No. I'm not going to buy stripes.
I'm just trying this on for size.
232
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:04,849
Excuse me. Would you like
to try this on for size?
233
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,368
Give it here, Deirdre.
234
00:21:17,213 --> 00:21:18,931
Nothing to it.
235
00:21:19,093 --> 00:21:21,766
With that and the bacon slicer,
how do you cope?
236
00:21:21,933 --> 00:21:25,448
Give us a clue.
Where are we going tomorrow, eh?
237
00:21:25,613 --> 00:21:29,731
-- You mean where am I going.
-- I wish you'd let me come with you.
238
00:21:29,893 --> 00:21:34,444
You hear terrible stories about what happens
to women in lonely places.
239
00:21:34,613 --> 00:21:38,288
You never hear what happens
to errand boys in lonely places.
240
00:21:38,453 --> 00:21:42,162
I've been assaulted three times
in the last few years.
241
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:45,928
-- There you are!
-- And every time it was you.
242
00:21:47,893 --> 00:21:49,451
Stop it.
243
00:21:49,613 --> 00:21:52,650
I think I've found something. Try this.
244
00:21:52,813 --> 00:21:56,852
-- Now, that's a nice change.
-- The lady has an eye.
245
00:21:57,013 --> 00:21:59,208
That's not all she's got.
246
00:21:59,373 --> 00:22:03,286
-- She's got a good left hook and all.
-- Try it on.
247
00:22:03,453 --> 00:22:06,763
When I try it on, that's when I get the left hook!
248
00:22:06,933 --> 00:22:10,926
There you are.
Slant pockets, single vent, very sporting.
249
00:22:11,093 --> 00:22:14,005
Modelled on the traditional hacking jacket.
250
00:22:14,173 --> 00:22:16,528
-- I like that.
-- Hey...
251
00:22:18,773 --> 00:22:22,891
-- It's got a slit up the back.
-- The single vent.
252
00:22:23,053 --> 00:22:28,252
In society magazines, you can see
the Duke of Winchester has one just like it.
253
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:32,122
The Duke of Winchester's got a slit up the back?
254
00:22:33,573 --> 00:22:36,371
For sporting purposes, certainly.
255
00:22:37,413 --> 00:22:40,962
I blame the public schools, you know.
256
00:22:42,333 --> 00:22:47,612
It's no good. As a shopkeeper,
I can't walk around with a slit up the back.
257
00:22:47,773 --> 00:22:52,893
No. I should always be worried
about security at the rear of me premises.
258
00:22:53,053 --> 00:22:55,692
Men! They're stubborn at his age.
259
00:22:55,853 --> 00:22:58,572
-- You can't do a lot with them.
-- Set in their ways.
260
00:22:58,733 --> 00:23:03,329
I nurse them, you don't need to tell me.
They're just as bad lying in bed.
261
00:23:03,493 --> 00:23:07,247
I get more trouble from one pair of pyjamas
than 15 nighties.
262
00:23:07,413 --> 00:23:11,725
Why didn't you put this one out?
This is what I call a suit.
263
00:23:11,893 --> 00:23:14,202
That's your old suit.
264
00:23:14,773 --> 00:23:18,891
Is it? Oh, yes, it's got the utility mark inside.
265
00:23:19,053 --> 00:23:21,886
Haven't you got something similar to this?
266
00:23:22,053 --> 00:23:24,806
Yes. I didn't think you'd want same again.
267
00:23:24,973 --> 00:23:27,692
Yes. I'll have it exactly the same again.
268
00:23:27,853 --> 00:23:33,166
If you've got some sort of new suit,
you can pick me up at two o'clock tomorrow.
269
00:23:43,853 --> 00:23:46,890
What do you think of the new suit, Granville?
270
00:23:50,533 --> 00:23:53,764
You needn't explode with enthusiasm!
271
00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:57,050
If I'd known you'd get excited,
I wouldn't have asked.
272
00:23:57,213 --> 00:24:00,649
-- It's like your old suit.
-- Not entirely.
273
00:24:00,813 --> 00:24:05,967
-- It looks like your old suit.
-- But it differs in certain p--particulars.
274
00:24:06,133 --> 00:24:09,364
-- Like where?
-- It's got a...
275
00:24:11,053 --> 00:24:13,044
A pshh--wshh.
276
00:24:14,053 --> 00:24:16,521
What the heck's a pish--wishy?
277
00:24:17,613 --> 00:24:19,922
You know, a pssh--wssh!
278
00:24:21,093 --> 00:24:24,847
-- A zip fly.
-- Oh, a zip fly!
279
00:24:25,013 --> 00:24:28,369
God. Well, I'll go to the foot of my sock!
280
00:24:28,533 --> 00:24:33,971
It's not funny. He hadn't got a single suit
on that van with a button fly.
281
00:24:34,133 --> 00:24:36,931
Everybody has zip flies these days.
282
00:24:37,093 --> 00:24:40,130
No wonder it's the age of the microchip!
283
00:24:40,293 --> 00:24:43,365
I am used to having a b--button fly.
284
00:24:43,533 --> 00:24:46,093
B--button flies went out with Queen Victoria.
285
00:24:46,253 --> 00:24:51,247
Well, I'm going out with Nurse Gladys
Emmanuel! A different matter entirely.
286
00:24:51,413 --> 00:24:53,881
The zip works, doesn't it?
287
00:24:54,053 --> 00:24:59,366
Does it? Does it? How can you tell
unless you keep trying it?
288
00:25:01,413 --> 00:25:03,563
See?
289
00:25:03,733 --> 00:25:06,850
You can't keep out and going...!
290
00:25:07,013 --> 00:25:10,642
I've got to. How else can I reassure myself?
291
00:25:10,813 --> 00:25:13,486
Old Bickerdyke should have warned me.
292
00:25:13,653 --> 00:25:16,247
-- Hey, that reminds me.
-- What?
293
00:25:16,413 --> 00:25:20,201
-- How well did Bickerdyke know my mother?
-- Not very well at all.
294
00:25:20,373 --> 00:25:23,285
Tailors are prone to exaggeration.
295
00:25:23,453 --> 00:25:28,447
Comes of sitting cross--legged
on hard surfaces for long p--periods.
296
00:25:32,253 --> 00:25:33,971
(HONKS HORN)
297
00:25:58,013 --> 00:26:02,962
-- You made me b--buy a new suit for this?
-- You needed one.
298
00:26:03,133 --> 00:26:06,489
-- Not for this.
-- You would insist on coming.
299
00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:10,445
Well, you made such a secret of it.
300
00:26:10,613 --> 00:26:12,604
As a qualified medical person,
301
00:26:12,773 --> 00:26:16,652
I have to approach this fringe medicine
with discretion.
302
00:26:16,813 --> 00:26:21,284
I'll give him a chance to cure me wart.
I've tried everything else.
303
00:26:21,453 --> 00:26:23,284
Your wart?
304
00:26:33,373 --> 00:26:36,763
-- What are you doing?
-- Never you mind.
305
00:26:40,293 --> 00:26:43,205
Why don't we see what it's like, Doris?
306
00:26:43,373 --> 00:26:47,685
-- We might have to kneel down.
-- They reckon he heals people.
307
00:26:47,853 --> 00:26:51,687
No. I don't fancy it. Not with my back.
308
00:26:52,733 --> 00:26:55,805
Excuse me, but you'll have to excuse me.
309
00:26:55,973 --> 00:26:58,248
-- Where are you going?
-- Guess.
310
00:26:58,413 --> 00:27:02,042
I'll go and get a seat. Hurry up, you'll miss it.
311
00:27:02,213 --> 00:27:06,365
-- You are a fidget.
-- I'm sorry, but I have to spend a p--penny.
312
00:27:08,373 --> 00:27:12,491
You? Spend a penny?
You're splashing out, aren't you?
313
00:27:12,653 --> 00:27:14,848
Hopefully, in a minute, yes.
314
00:27:17,493 --> 00:27:19,927
You're feeling relaxed.
315
00:27:20,853 --> 00:27:24,129
You're tired. You want to sleep.
316
00:27:26,053 --> 00:27:28,123
You're going to sleep.
317
00:27:28,293 --> 00:27:31,330
A deep, deep sleep.
318
00:27:46,893 --> 00:27:49,123
What is wrong with you?
319
00:27:50,333 --> 00:27:52,767
My pshh--wssh is stuck.
320
00:27:54,533 --> 00:27:58,572
-- What's stuck?
-- You know, my pshh--wssh.
321
00:28:00,413 --> 00:28:03,211
I knew I shouldn't have trusted it.
322
00:28:03,373 --> 00:28:07,844
I don't suppose his curative powers
extend to that sort of thing.
323
00:28:09,293 --> 00:28:12,046
I don't know what you're talking about.
324
00:28:12,213 --> 00:28:17,082
Once more...of what use now is a crutch?
325
00:28:17,253 --> 00:28:19,721
I'm beginning to wonder.
326
00:28:25,533 --> 00:28:29,048
Trust you to come out looking worse
than when you went in.
327
00:28:30,293 --> 00:28:32,568
Didn't do him much good, did it?
328
00:28:32,733 --> 00:28:36,487
They say sometimes it works by delayed action.
329
00:28:45,333 --> 00:28:47,210
There you are.
330
00:28:55,853 --> 00:28:59,368
What a shame. A relapse.
331
00:29:05,293 --> 00:29:07,523
It's been a tiring day.
332
00:29:08,573 --> 00:29:11,724
It's a long walk home with your knees bent.
333
00:29:12,573 --> 00:29:17,852
She was quite right not to allow me
in her Morris Minor in my condition.
334
00:29:18,853 --> 00:29:23,529
Trouble is, in spite of recent advances
in medical hypnotism,
335
00:29:23,693 --> 00:29:28,721
there's still not much anyone can do
about healing an open zip.
336
00:29:29,733 --> 00:29:32,372
I wonder if I'm still engaged.
337
00:29:33,373 --> 00:29:35,807
Oh, she'll come round.
338
00:29:35,973 --> 00:29:39,886
I might pop across later
and take her mind off her wart.