1
00:00:42,445 --> 00:00:44,163
How do, Granville?
2
00:00:52,525 --> 00:00:56,723
You're losing all control
over them legs of yours, aren't you?
3
00:00:56,885 --> 00:01:00,355
I think you've got more legs
than are good for you.
4
00:01:12,445 --> 00:01:14,640
A nice fresh morning.
5
00:01:15,445 --> 00:01:20,200
A fine day for spending your money
with private shopkeepers.
6
00:01:20,365 --> 00:01:24,483
-- Is there something else you wish to b--buy?
-- No, no.
7
00:01:24,645 --> 00:01:29,435
Don't rush these decisions. Take your time.
Have a wander round the store.
8
00:01:29,605 --> 00:01:34,235
I'm not worth it, Mr Arkwright.
You've only left me enough for me bus fare.
9
00:01:34,405 --> 00:01:37,363
In the old days, I'd have had that and all.
10
00:01:37,525 --> 00:01:40,722
We all grow more mellow with time.
11
00:01:40,885 --> 00:01:46,596
I think you're a marvel. I don't know
how you managed to sell me these cigarettes.
12
00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:51,720
They're new, but I think you'll finish up
preferring them to your usual brand.
13
00:01:51,885 --> 00:01:54,797
I haven't got a usual brand.
14
00:01:55,245 --> 00:02:00,922
You're just the customer we're looking for --
an open mind and a pocket to match.
15
00:02:01,085 --> 00:02:05,237
You can smoke those with impunity.
They are low tar, you see.
16
00:02:05,405 --> 00:02:08,238
I don't smoke, Mr Arkwright.
17
00:02:09,245 --> 00:02:14,524
You're just the chap they're designed for.
They're identical with not smoking.
18
00:02:14,685 --> 00:02:17,324
I'm a non--smoker, but I smoke them.
19
00:02:18,325 --> 00:02:21,874
It gives you something to do with your hands.
20
00:02:22,045 --> 00:02:26,880
Talking of something to do with your hands,
have you see Nurse Gladys's car?
21
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:42,075
Hey, close your mouth,
there's a double--decker b--b...
22
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:47,478
There's a double--d--d--d...
Oh, don't bother, it'll have gone by now.
23
00:02:50,765 --> 00:02:53,916
But there'll be another one along in a minute.
24
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,883
I bet Robert Redford's not up at this time.
25
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,684
Robert Redford needs his sleep.
26
00:03:00,845 --> 00:03:04,042
When can I start burning the candle
at both ends?
27
00:03:04,805 --> 00:03:08,844
There are some ends
where the last thing you want is a blister.
28
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:15,634
-- Have you got everything on there?
-- I can't get any more on!
29
00:03:15,805 --> 00:03:20,083
You've made that bicycle too heavy
sticking those transfers on it.
30
00:03:20,245 --> 00:03:22,839
You won't let me have a sports car.
31
00:03:23,005 --> 00:03:27,840
I remember all too painfully what happened
to your mother in a sports car.
32
00:03:28,005 --> 00:03:30,394
And in the back of a lorry.
33
00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:33,557
Come on, when you get back,
we can have breakfast.
34
00:03:33,725 --> 00:03:38,719
Half of this lot won't be up yet.
The lucky ones will have just gone to bed.
35
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:43,640
No one should be lying in bed this time
of day. You couldn't pay me to do it.
36
00:03:43,805 --> 00:03:47,718
All right. Let me pay you
to let me lie in bed this time of day.
37
00:03:47,885 --> 00:03:51,798
You can pay me for that little Twinkie bar.
11p, come on.
38
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:56,561
Oh, 'eck!
I never get a chance to have a lie--in, do I?
39
00:03:56,725 --> 00:04:01,037
You're just like your mother was.
Happiness is horizontal.
40
00:04:03,525 --> 00:04:06,244
Why are you so rude about your own sister?
41
00:04:06,405 --> 00:04:10,318
Don't misunderstand me.
Some people loved her dearly.
42
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:13,921
-- Others used to get it on discount.
-- Look...!
43
00:04:14,085 --> 00:04:16,519
It's only a joke. It's only a joke.
44
00:04:16,685 --> 00:04:20,644
Her one fault was that she was inclined
to be over--friendly.
45
00:04:21,445 --> 00:04:24,915
If you didn't like her,
why do you keep her photograph?
46
00:04:25,085 --> 00:04:29,636
I never said I didn't like her. No.
She always had a ready smile
47
00:04:29,805 --> 00:04:32,638
and she certainly enjoyed life.
48
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:36,480
-- Did you get on well?
-- Yes. We got on fine together.
49
00:04:36,645 --> 00:04:40,524
She always used to wave
when she went past in a gentleman's car.
50
00:04:40,685 --> 00:04:43,153
Sometimes with both feet!
51
00:04:46,405 --> 00:04:49,954
-- What are you eating, by the way?
-- Nothing.
52
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:53,003
-- Just chewing the fat with you.
-- Look at that!
53
00:04:53,165 --> 00:04:55,360
Don't you want it? I'll have it.
54
00:04:55,525 --> 00:05:00,645
Come on, get into this saddle, Wyatt Earp,
and mosey off down the Rio Grande.
55
00:05:00,805 --> 00:05:04,514
Don't hang about chucking pebbles in the canal.
56
00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:12,004
There are too many boxes. I can't see.
57
00:05:12,165 --> 00:05:14,963
Go on with you. You'll be all right.
58
00:05:15,125 --> 00:05:17,958
You should know every inch of the way by now.
59
00:05:18,125 --> 00:05:21,356
You ought to be able to d--do it
in the d--d--dark.
60
00:05:21,525 --> 00:05:24,597
I'm doing it in the d--d--dark!
61
00:05:24,765 --> 00:05:27,882
All day my legs are going
like a sewing machine.
62
00:05:28,045 --> 00:05:31,401
Maybe it's time you changed your bobbin, eh?
63
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:34,044
Off you go.
64
00:05:41,085 --> 00:05:43,553
(HORN HONKS, CRASHING)
65
00:05:47,845 --> 00:05:49,437
Oh.
66
00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:55,560
-- I'm all right.
-- You're going to kill this lad, Arkwright.
67
00:05:55,725 --> 00:05:58,637
I am if he's b--broken any eggs!
68
00:06:02,645 --> 00:06:06,718
-- There you are, love. How's that?
-- Great.
69
00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:09,515
-- Does it hurt?
-- No.
70
00:06:09,685 --> 00:06:13,200
What really hurts is never knowing
your own mother.
71
00:06:13,365 --> 00:06:15,595
Oh, you poor love.
72
00:06:16,605 --> 00:06:20,803
-- Did you know me mother?
-- Well...we weren't close.
73
00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:23,525
-- She was older than me.
-- But you saw her?
74
00:06:23,685 --> 00:06:26,153
Yes. I knew her by sight.
75
00:06:27,165 --> 00:06:29,156
What was she like?
76
00:06:30,005 --> 00:06:32,803
She had very striking earrings.
77
00:06:33,645 --> 00:06:36,682
-- Is your other leg all right?
-- Yes, it's great.
78
00:06:36,845 --> 00:06:39,279
-- He works you too hard.
-- I know.
79
00:06:39,445 --> 00:06:44,075
But working helps you to forget
that you're an orphan.
80
00:06:44,245 --> 00:06:46,634
Oh, Granville!
81
00:06:55,245 --> 00:06:58,555
What kind of treatment is that for a bad leg?
82
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,715
You load too much on that bike.
83
00:07:01,885 --> 00:07:05,594
He scratches his knee
and he gets his head squeezed!
84
00:07:06,765 --> 00:07:09,040
He needs a bit of comfort.
85
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:14,721
-- Can't you agree without nodding?
-- No.
86
00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:19,200
It's dangerous for him on that bike.
87
00:07:19,365 --> 00:07:22,641
It's a bit risky in there with them two!
88
00:07:22,805 --> 00:07:28,482
You've no right sending him out
on these dark mornings half asleep.
89
00:07:28,645 --> 00:07:32,240
I send him out when there's very little traffic.
90
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:35,556
I'm traffic! I was half asleep myself.
91
00:07:35,725 --> 00:07:39,161
I've been up all night by the bedside
of some poor old man.
92
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:43,523
How come you never sit by the bedside
of this p--poor old man?
93
00:07:43,685 --> 00:07:47,598
You're not a poor old man.
You're a tight--fisted old man!
94
00:07:47,765 --> 00:07:49,995
-- That's true.
-- Who? Me?
95
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:54,716
Yes, you! If you don't start loosening up
a bit spending--wise, Arkwright,
96
00:07:54,885 --> 00:07:57,843
you won't find me
anywhere near your bedside.
97
00:07:58,005 --> 00:08:00,803
What a thing to say to an engaged person!
98
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:03,354
You're going to find yourself disengaged
99
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:07,484
if you don't start expanding
this ratty old business.
100
00:08:08,285 --> 00:08:10,276
Ratty old business?
101
00:08:10,445 --> 00:08:13,915
Nobody's marrying me
into this sordid little empire.
102
00:08:14,085 --> 00:08:18,761
If you'd ploughed a bit back in,
you could have had a row of shops by now.
103
00:08:18,925 --> 00:08:21,723
I'm looking for comfort in my old age,
104
00:08:21,885 --> 00:08:26,401
and until I see some signs of it,
I'm keeping my bedside to myself.
105
00:08:27,205 --> 00:08:29,799
-- I think she means it.
-- I mean it!
106
00:08:29,965 --> 00:08:32,604
Oh, listen, if it's any interest,
107
00:08:32,765 --> 00:08:37,281
my plans for further expansion
are already on the d--drawing board.
108
00:08:37,445 --> 00:08:40,278
-- What plans?
-- Shut your head!
109
00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:44,193
I'll think of something.
110
00:08:48,165 --> 00:08:50,884
-- Careful, careful.
-- I'm being careful.
111
00:08:51,045 --> 00:08:54,799
I'm always careful.
I've been nothing but careful.
112
00:08:54,965 --> 00:08:58,275
At my age, it's excitement
you're supposed to have.
113
00:08:58,445 --> 00:09:00,675
Never mind that. Lower your end.
114
00:09:00,845 --> 00:09:02,881
The story of my life.
115
00:09:05,085 --> 00:09:10,159
There. That's beautiful, is that.
It ought to be at that p--price per letter.
116
00:09:10,325 --> 00:09:12,964
Good job the sign writer didn't stutter.
117
00:09:15,045 --> 00:09:19,436
I want Nurse Gladys to know
how much money we're spending.
118
00:09:19,605 --> 00:09:22,165
It's not only the new sign, it's the van.
119
00:09:22,325 --> 00:09:26,034
This is setting us both back a pretty penny.
120
00:09:26,205 --> 00:09:29,675
Us? Both? How come it's costing me money?
121
00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:33,121
You're part of the managerial team, aren't you?
122
00:09:34,245 --> 00:09:37,396
Do I look like part of the managerial team?
123
00:09:37,565 --> 00:09:40,238
Why am I dressed like an errand lad?
124
00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,635
Think yourself lucky, Granville.
125
00:09:42,805 --> 00:09:47,515
Dressed like that, you are totally
irresistible to rich, spoiled women.
126
00:09:48,205 --> 00:09:50,673
Where are there any rich, spoiled women?
127
00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:53,598
Granville, don't leave everything to me.
128
00:09:54,885 --> 00:10:00,198
I've given you a start in life.
I've dressed you so you're ready for it.
129
00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:04,074
Is the nurse about?
Can you see her curtain twitching?
130
00:10:04,245 --> 00:10:08,397
With my experience of women,
I wouldn't know a twitch if I saw one.
131
00:10:08,565 --> 00:10:12,558
We'll put the sign out the front of the shop
where she can see it.
132
00:10:12,725 --> 00:10:15,364
I'll give her a knock. You get in the van.
133
00:10:15,525 --> 00:10:19,598
When I whistle, drive it round
like a bat out of Harrogate.
134
00:10:27,245 --> 00:10:30,681
-- Are you ready?
-- No. Wait till I give you the whistle.
135
00:10:30,845 --> 00:10:32,278
Right.
136
00:10:37,525 --> 00:10:39,322
-- Got the keys?
-- Ow!
137
00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:44,041
Don't creep up behind people like that.
138
00:10:44,205 --> 00:10:46,196
I've had me nose in the letter box.
139
00:10:46,365 --> 00:10:50,756
You're not supposed
to p--p--po--po--pop up behind people.
140
00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:53,485
-- I need the keys to the van.
-- All right.
141
00:11:05,525 --> 00:11:09,313
Why are you ringing that?
That's for night emergencies.
142
00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:11,203
I'm all for them!
143
00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:14,277
Why are you squinting through my letter box?
144
00:11:14,445 --> 00:11:17,721
I've got something to show you.
You must see this.
145
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,877
Through a letter box, you must be joking!
146
00:11:21,045 --> 00:11:25,402
I haven't time to stand here.
I'm feeding me mother.
147
00:11:25,565 --> 00:11:27,920
To something big and hungry, I hope.
148
00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:32,762
-- Hold on.
-- Get your foot out of the door.
149
00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,393
I've tried it with my nose and it hurts.
150
00:11:35,565 --> 00:11:40,559
-- If I spill this tray...
-- Stop arguing and come and see this sign.
151
00:11:41,685 --> 00:11:44,518
-- "Arkwright's Mobile Store".
-- Yes.
152
00:11:44,685 --> 00:11:49,201
You've been very scathing
about how little I've done for Granville.
153
00:11:49,365 --> 00:11:54,564
-- Well, there it is.
-- You're not hanging that on his bike?
154
00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:58,481
Close your eyes...
155
00:11:58,645 --> 00:12:01,000
for a big surprise.
156
00:12:01,165 --> 00:12:04,953
Not likely! With my hands full
and you standing behind me.
157
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:09,323
-- Not that sort of surprise.
-- Well, that's a surprise.
158
00:12:11,405 --> 00:12:13,555
(PIERCING WHISTLE, TRAY CRASHES)
159
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:16,956
Look what you've done,
you great gormless article!
160
00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:22,161
Are you supposed to do that
without an anaesthetic?
161
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,640
(ENGINE BACKFIRES)
162
00:12:26,805 --> 00:12:30,480
Oh, my God.
They're not digging the road up again?
163
00:12:30,645 --> 00:12:36,959
No, they're not. That happens to be
the latest addition to the Arkwright empire.
164
00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:51,394
-- What is it?
-- What do you mean? It's my new vehicle.
165
00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:53,157
(GEARS CRUNCH)
166
00:12:53,325 --> 00:12:56,840
Once he gets the hang of it, it'll sound sweeter.
167
00:13:19,445 --> 00:13:22,994
It'll need a bit of touching up here and there.
168
00:13:23,165 --> 00:13:24,996
After all, who doesn't?
169
00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:30,242
It's ideal for shopkeeping p--purposes.
170
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:36,961
You've got this little counter
for receiving the customers' money.
171
00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:39,685
-- Are you in there, little counter?
-- Yes.
172
00:13:39,845 --> 00:13:41,881
Open up your hatch.
173
00:13:42,045 --> 00:13:45,560
You see? All you do
is pay your money over, then you get...
174
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,681
Ouch!
175
00:13:49,765 --> 00:13:54,885
Oh. One of those, one of those,
two of those, and another one of those.
176
00:13:55,045 --> 00:14:00,358
You certainly get through a lot
of biological detergent in your house.
177
00:14:00,525 --> 00:14:05,360
It's his collars. He will keep running
his fingers round his collars.
178
00:14:05,525 --> 00:14:07,755
Oh. Nervous habit.
179
00:14:07,925 --> 00:14:12,874
They say him up the post office
is the same with his lady assistant.
180
00:14:13,045 --> 00:14:15,843
-- You can't get them clean.
-- No.
181
00:14:16,005 --> 00:14:19,998
I've tried everything.
He is me husband, after all.
182
00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:24,681
That's one reason for rubbing your finger
nervously round your collar!
183
00:14:24,845 --> 00:14:27,200
He's always been nervous.
184
00:14:27,365 --> 00:14:32,200
-- He smokes endless cigarettes.
-- Pity, we don't sell that kind.
185
00:14:32,365 --> 00:14:35,357
They're too long to get in the shop.
186
00:14:35,525 --> 00:14:40,838
If you don't turn your husband out right,
it reflects on the wife, I always think.
187
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:44,918
You're absolutely right there, Mrs Blewitt.
188
00:14:52,965 --> 00:14:55,433
Was that your Granville under them boxes?
189
00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:59,154
It was either him or a very bold shoplifter.
190
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:05,120
You can't tell unless you get
a glimpse of his bare--bare...
191
00:15:05,285 --> 00:15:08,038
In that case, I don't think I'll bother.
192
00:15:08,205 --> 00:15:11,083
Of his bare--bicycle clips, I was going to say.
193
00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:14,442
-- Oh, so it was your Granville?
-- Certainly.
194
00:15:14,605 --> 00:15:18,200
-- Where's he going with all that?
-- To stock up the new vehicle.
195
00:15:18,365 --> 00:15:22,961
You may have seen it outside,
complete with a hand--painted sign.
196
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:26,083
He's not loading up that thing, is he?
197
00:15:26,245 --> 00:15:28,440
It can't even stand up straight!
198
00:15:28,605 --> 00:15:34,441
It has a slight slant, it's true,
which is ideal for cornering, you see.
199
00:15:34,605 --> 00:15:39,633
Much the same as Mr Blewitt when he comes
home from the B--Black Bull of a Sunday.
200
00:15:40,965 --> 00:15:43,320
That's it. I can't get any more in.
201
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:48,434
-- There he goes, look. Did you see him?
-- What have I done now?
202
00:15:48,605 --> 00:15:52,439
Finger in his collar. They're all the same.
203
00:15:52,605 --> 00:15:57,201
You'll never convince me
there isn't something nasty about men.
204
00:15:58,565 --> 00:16:00,635
You can try all you like,
205
00:16:00,805 --> 00:16:04,514
but as soon as your back's turned, they're at it.
206
00:16:05,685 --> 00:16:07,994
Finger in their collars.
207
00:16:08,165 --> 00:16:12,158
I see. That'll be £3.29, Mrs Blewitt. Thank you.
208
00:16:12,325 --> 00:16:16,000
Three pound odd
for a little bag of groceries like that?
209
00:16:16,165 --> 00:16:18,804
I can put it in a bigger bag if you like.
210
00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:24,274
Oh, dear. It's the return of the dog woman.
211
00:16:25,405 --> 00:16:28,158
Hello, Mrs Ta--Ta--Ta--Ta--Tattersall.
212
00:16:28,325 --> 00:16:30,316
How's your little treasure?
213
00:16:30,485 --> 00:16:35,161
Granville, fetch a chair for Mrs Tattersall
to sit her little treasure on.
214
00:16:35,325 --> 00:16:39,113
She's not been very well,
Mr Arkwright. Bless her.
215
00:16:39,285 --> 00:16:41,799
She's not going to be sick again, is she?
216
00:16:42,805 --> 00:16:46,241
She was sorry about the last time,
weren't you, Sukie?
217
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:49,875
We weren't too happy
about it ourselves, were we?
218
00:16:50,045 --> 00:16:52,354
No. I had to clear it up.
219
00:16:53,205 --> 00:16:57,323
Oh, thank you, Granville.
Say thank you to Granville, Sukie.
220
00:16:58,725 --> 00:17:01,080
She's nearly human, Mr Arkwright.
221
00:17:01,245 --> 00:17:05,284
Nearly human. I know.
More than could be said for most people.
222
00:17:19,445 --> 00:17:23,040
-- There we are, Mrs Blewitt.
-- You shouldn't have dogs in here.
223
00:17:23,205 --> 00:17:26,993
I know. I don't usually,
but this one spends a lot of money.
224
00:17:27,165 --> 00:17:30,714
Shall we take some biscuits for our tea, Sukie?
225
00:17:30,885 --> 00:17:32,603
(SUKIE YAPS)
226
00:17:32,765 --> 00:17:35,837
We'll take this pack of biscuits, Mr Arkwright.
227
00:17:36,005 --> 00:17:39,315
You're better off with your b--biological warfare.
228
00:17:47,885 --> 00:17:52,163
What are you doing up there?
Getting ready to harness the horse to it?
229
00:17:52,325 --> 00:17:54,316
I'm just tinkering with these.
230
00:17:54,485 --> 00:17:59,161
Used to be an ice--cream van. I wondered
if there was any life left in the chimes.
231
00:17:59,325 --> 00:18:03,398
I sometimes wonder if there's any life left
in the whole universe.
232
00:18:07,725 --> 00:18:12,719
And the more I look at you, Mrs Blewitt,
the more I'm convinced there isn't.
233
00:18:13,565 --> 00:18:17,274
Does Sukie want a big tin of stewing steak?
234
00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:20,284
No?
235
00:18:25,125 --> 00:18:26,877
(YAP!)
236
00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:33,598
Aah! We'll take this large tin
of stewing steak, Mr Arkwright.
237
00:18:33,765 --> 00:18:38,122
A useful addition to the household
comestibles, Mrs Ta--Tattersall.
238
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:43,154
-- Your little friend shows excellent taste.
-- Yes. She can almost talk.
239
00:18:43,325 --> 00:18:45,998
There's one over the road just the same.
240
00:18:46,165 --> 00:18:50,681
-- Almost talks, does he?
-- No. He keeps leaving little messages.
241
00:18:52,845 --> 00:18:55,996
Mummy knows what Sukie would like.
242
00:18:56,165 --> 00:18:59,680
A little tin of red salmon.
243
00:19:02,245 --> 00:19:04,395
(YAP! YAP!)
244
00:19:04,565 --> 00:19:07,637
Oh. Make that two tins, Mrs Tattersall.
245
00:19:07,805 --> 00:19:10,365
Two tins.
246
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:13,403
(SCREECHING MUSIC)
247
00:19:15,565 --> 00:19:18,159
Sukie! Sukie, come back!
248
00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:24,635
Don't forget to pay for those things
your dog ordered, Mrs Tattersall.
249
00:19:24,805 --> 00:19:27,365
Would she like to join the Christmas Club?
250
00:19:27,525 --> 00:19:32,280
I got it working! Did you hear...?
Oh. Talk to yourself, Granville.
251
00:19:32,765 --> 00:19:36,201
-- Dear, dear.
-- What? Where's Mrs Ta--Tattersall?
252
00:19:36,365 --> 00:19:38,925
She's halfway to Peterborough.
253
00:19:39,085 --> 00:19:41,883
I've got it working. It was a loose wire.
254
00:19:42,045 --> 00:19:45,276
I wish you hadn't
while that dog was still shopping.
255
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,754
Spends a lot of money that dog does.
256
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:51,759
Supposing it takes its trade elsewhere?
Oh, dear.
257
00:19:53,005 --> 00:19:55,678
-- Are you ready?
-- Yup.
258
00:19:57,005 --> 00:19:59,473
(LOUD SCREECHING MUSIC)
259
00:20:01,845 --> 00:20:04,154
Turn it off!
260
00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:21,121
(MUSIC STARTS)
261
00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:37,435
My, w--what a weapon
in unscrupulous hands, eh?
262
00:20:40,085 --> 00:20:42,804
(BLEEPING AND BUZZING)
263
00:20:46,765 --> 00:20:49,643
I w--w--was just getting the hang of that.
264
00:20:49,805 --> 00:20:53,844
Shut up with your machine.
I'm trying to get my mother to sleep.
265
00:20:54,005 --> 00:20:57,680
-- That's a good idea.
-- No cracks from you.
266
00:20:57,845 --> 00:21:00,313
No, not from me, my love.
267
00:21:00,485 --> 00:21:05,240
I just had this vision of your mother
breathing peacefully in her sleep,
268
00:21:05,405 --> 00:21:09,523
with her wings folded,
hanging upside down from the roof.
269
00:21:11,445 --> 00:21:14,960
-- He's not going out in this.
-- You wanted him off his bike.
270
00:21:15,125 --> 00:21:17,320
-- Into something safe.
-- I'll be OK.
271
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,204
Look at it. Why is it leaning like this?
272
00:21:20,365 --> 00:21:22,162
I'll be all right.
273
00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:27,481
-- You've overloaded it.
-- No, not at all.
274
00:21:27,645 --> 00:21:30,796
It leans quite considerably when it's empty.
275
00:21:30,965 --> 00:21:34,116
-- It's a death trap.
-- What nonsense you talk.
276
00:21:39,805 --> 00:21:44,037
-- He's not going until I'm sure it's safe.
-- I'll be all right.
277
00:21:47,125 --> 00:21:49,355
You've loaded far too much stuff in here.
278
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:52,164
You've got to have a selection.
279
00:21:52,325 --> 00:21:55,681
But this wasn't designed for all this loose stuff.
280
00:21:56,685 --> 00:22:01,805
Take it once round the block, Granville.
Slowly. We'll see how safe it all is.
281
00:22:17,805 --> 00:22:20,603
Just once round the block and be careful!
282
00:22:20,765 --> 00:22:23,563
Don't drop anything fragile! Ooh!
283
00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:27,882
That's no place to p--poke a shopkeeper.
284
00:22:28,925 --> 00:22:34,318
-- Don't you dread there being an accident?
-- I do if you hit people in those places.
285
00:22:34,485 --> 00:22:37,636
Let's get married
while I've still got all me faculties.
286
00:22:37,805 --> 00:22:39,284
Shut up.
287
00:22:39,445 --> 00:22:43,677
At least we could pop over to your mother's
and toy with the idea.
288
00:22:43,845 --> 00:22:49,522
We're staying here till that lad gets back.
If he ever gets back! Bless him.
289
00:22:50,285 --> 00:22:53,994
Could you come over later
and look at me bedroom ceiling?
290
00:22:55,925 --> 00:22:57,324
I can hear him.
291
00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:05,362
Look. That's not so bad.
He's getting the hang of it now.
292
00:23:08,325 --> 00:23:10,759
Good lad, Granville!
293
00:23:10,925 --> 00:23:16,283
There's a mobile shopkeeper
if ever I saw one. Pull over here, Granville.
294
00:23:16,445 --> 00:23:18,401
Slow down, Granville!
295
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:20,920
Apply your brakes, Granville!
296
00:23:27,045 --> 00:23:30,117
You were a bit slow in braking there, Granville.
297
00:23:31,565 --> 00:23:33,283
Granville?
298
00:23:50,645 --> 00:23:53,034
Don't squeeze his head.
299
00:23:54,045 --> 00:23:59,483
Oh, what a mess! Never mind his head,
help me rearrange his perishables.
300
00:24:04,205 --> 00:24:07,880
-- I'll take this one, Granville.
-- Right. Thank you.
301
00:24:08,045 --> 00:24:11,117
Unless you think
I might be better with this one.
302
00:24:13,725 --> 00:24:16,080
You'll be all right with that one, Mavis.
303
00:24:16,245 --> 00:24:21,273
-- I can never make up me mind.
-- I've noticed, Mavis. We've all noticed.
304
00:24:21,445 --> 00:24:23,276
You're a great help to me.
305
00:24:23,445 --> 00:24:28,758
If it's one thing I do know my way around,
that's tins and stuff.
306
00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:31,803
Oh, yes. If ever there is an emergency
307
00:24:31,965 --> 00:24:35,753
and they need someone who knows his way
around tins and stuff,
308
00:24:35,925 --> 00:24:38,393
it'll be Granville's finest hour.
309
00:24:38,565 --> 00:24:41,238
I have this vision of me at parties,
310
00:24:41,405 --> 00:24:44,363
holding all the women enthralled.
311
00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:47,517
I try to be modest about it, naturally,
312
00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:50,643
but they keep plucking at me pinny
and demanding,
313
00:24:50,805 --> 00:24:54,559
"Come on, Granville,
tell us about tins and stuff!"
314
00:24:54,725 --> 00:24:57,478
I think I'll have a quarter of cheese.
315
00:24:57,645 --> 00:25:00,284
(HAMMERING)
316
00:25:00,445 --> 00:25:04,438
-- What's your uncle doing in that van?
-- Installing solid fuel.
317
00:25:04,605 --> 00:25:08,996
Solid fuel? In a van? Will it go?
318
00:25:09,885 --> 00:25:13,082
Eh? No, it's not for making it go,
it's for cooking.
319
00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:18,524
Arkwright's Mobile Store was a flop,
so we're doing Arkwright's Mobile Catering.
320
00:25:18,685 --> 00:25:23,315
We've got Cheddar, double Gloucester,
Edam and/or processed.
321
00:25:25,045 --> 00:25:26,842
Oh, 'eck!
322
00:25:29,965 --> 00:25:34,197
-- Take your time.
-- You're a nice person, Granville.
323
00:25:35,445 --> 00:25:38,084
Are you sure?
324
00:25:39,805 --> 00:25:43,923
Well, I've incensed all your cooking
facilities, Granville.
325
00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:47,794
-- Hello, Mavis. How are you?
-- I'm not sure, Mr Arkwright.
326
00:25:48,805 --> 00:25:53,435
And I've decided on the perfect site
to ply your new trade in.
327
00:25:53,605 --> 00:25:57,314
-- Where?
-- Right where it is. Outside in the street.
328
00:25:58,845 --> 00:26:03,361
-- Right in our own street?!
-- Yes. Think of the saving in petrol.
329
00:26:03,525 --> 00:26:07,279
Wow--whee!
That's real mobile catering, that is (!)
330
00:26:07,445 --> 00:26:11,484
When the chaps come round
for their cans of beer in the evening,
331
00:26:11,645 --> 00:26:17,083
they will hear the sizzling and smell
the irresistible odour of s--sausages frying.
332
00:26:17,765 --> 00:26:20,074
-- Oh--ho!
-- There you are, Mavis.
333
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:24,238
If you hear something
smelling this evening, it'll be me.
334
00:26:24,405 --> 00:26:26,396
Pop in and have a hot dog.
335
00:26:26,565 --> 00:26:30,194
-- I'd like to, but...
-- I know. You are a married woman.
336
00:26:30,365 --> 00:26:35,393
Oh, it's not that. I can never decide
whether to put mustard on it or not.
337
00:26:50,125 --> 00:26:52,923
Open your damper a bit.
338
00:26:53,925 --> 00:26:55,916
I can't. It's stuck.
339
00:26:56,925 --> 00:26:59,041
Well, j--jiggle it a bit!
340
00:26:59,925 --> 00:27:02,883
I'm trying to j--jiggle it a bit.
341
00:27:21,605 --> 00:27:23,084
Ow!
342
00:27:25,125 --> 00:27:27,116
Don't leave me in here!
343
00:27:41,965 --> 00:27:45,435
I shall be out of pocket
on the hand--painted sign,
344
00:27:45,605 --> 00:27:48,073
but we can eat the sausages.
345
00:27:48,245 --> 00:27:51,362
We might get to like smoked sausages.
346
00:27:52,365 --> 00:27:55,277
Going to get plenty of damned practice.
347
00:27:56,925 --> 00:28:01,123
Fancy asking Wavy Mavis
to ring for the Fire Brigade.
348
00:28:01,285 --> 00:28:03,845
She dialled 999...
349
00:28:04,005 --> 00:28:07,839
a voice said, "Which service, please?"
And that was it!
350
00:28:08,325 --> 00:28:10,361
Couldn't make up her blasted mind.