1
00:00:27,790 --> 00:00:29,826
There's no "O" in "special".
2
00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:33,744
We're not educating them,
we're luring them in!
3
00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:39,746
-- How's that gonna lure 'em in?
-- To those who can't spell, it won't matter.
4
00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:42,185
They'll just come and see what's special.
5
00:00:42,350 --> 00:00:46,104
But there are 28 clever dicks
who would have walked straight by,
6
00:00:46,270 --> 00:00:51,105
who will feel obliged to pop in
and tell us how to spell!
7
00:00:51,270 --> 00:00:55,786
Once they've c--crossed that doorway,
I'll have 'em!
8
00:01:39,950 --> 00:01:42,339
Did you get me letter?
9
00:01:43,630 --> 00:01:44,949
Yes.
10
00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:46,668
Well, then?
11
00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:52,739
It's very kind of you, Granville.
It's very flattering.
12
00:01:52,910 --> 00:01:56,425
I'd hate to stand in the way
of your photographic career,
13
00:01:56,590 --> 00:02:02,381
but with this job and studying, I couldn't
possibly take up your offer of modelling.
14
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:09,940
Well, then, would you care to consider
the position of a housekeeper?
15
00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:12,863
You haven't even got a house!
16
00:02:13,030 --> 00:02:15,863
I haven't even got a camera, either!
17
00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:39,865
Granville, fetch your feather flicker
and get round them top shelves.
18
00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:42,498
I've only got one pair of hands.
19
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:55,581
I don't know how that poor woman manages
on the money her husband brings home.
20
00:02:55,750 --> 00:02:58,822
She can't afford half the stuff I sell her.
21
00:02:58,990 --> 00:03:04,018
-- Why do you sell it to her, then?
-- I try not to, but I can't break the habit.
22
00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:08,502
Oh, dear. You know,
we're overstocked on g--ginger cake.
23
00:03:08,670 --> 00:03:11,025
Oh, dear!
24
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:14,546
The Western Alliance is gonna be in for a panic!
25
00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:18,305
My word! Wall Street's in for a nervous period!
26
00:03:18,470 --> 00:03:21,860
Mind you, they'll be chuckling away
in the Kremlin.
27
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:25,784
They'll be saying, "Ivan! Have you heard?
28
00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:29,465
"Arkwright's overstocked with ginger cake!"
29
00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:34,262
I d--do wish you'd keep quiet!
30
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:39,550
I hate that scrunching sound that errand boys
make when you have to tread on 'em!
31
00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:43,339
"Errand boy"? I thought I was
assistant deputy manager!
32
00:03:43,510 --> 00:03:48,538
I've told everybody I'm assistant
deputy manager -- acting, unpaid.
33
00:03:48,710 --> 00:03:54,501
Whether you retain that position depends
entirely -- you may be surprised to learn --
34
00:03:54,670 --> 00:04:00,745
on how fast you can sh--shift
g--g--genuine J--J--Jamaican g--g--ginger cake.
35
00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:05,220
Bet I can shift it faster than you can say it!
36
00:04:05,390 --> 00:04:09,065
'Ere, "genuine" Jamaican ginger cakes?
37
00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:11,744
They've never been anywhere near Jamaica!
38
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:16,620
What's that got to do with it?
We sell Mars bars, don't we?
39
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:24,425
Anyway, you Hungarian people wouldn't know
anything about West Indian produce.
40
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:27,900
If it were a half--pound of goulash,
that might be different.
41
00:04:28,070 --> 00:04:30,903
Don't start that Hungarian business again.
42
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:36,064
It wasn't me who started giving the Hungarian
the business, it was your mother.
43
00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:39,267
You have no proof that I'm half--Hungarian.
44
00:04:39,430 --> 00:04:42,502
From the waist down you look very Hungarian.
45
00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:45,821
-- Well, I don't think so.
-- You wouldn't.
46
00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:51,462
Hungarians don't sit about looking at
their bottom half saying, "That looks Hungarian!"
47
00:04:51,630 --> 00:04:56,260
Have you got any solid grounds
for these suppositions about me mother?
48
00:04:56,430 --> 00:05:00,981
There's plenty of solid ground around
that your mother gave rise to suppositions on.
49
00:05:01,150 --> 00:05:04,267
-- Mainly down by the canal.
-- That's pure guesswork.
50
00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:08,662
No, not with the amount of fresh fish
she brought home of an evening!
51
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,149
Rubbish!
52
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:15,464
Anyway, if I was half--Hungarian,
why would she call me Granville?
53
00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:18,303
Perhaps your top half is called Granville.
54
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:22,224
That bottom half could be called
any d--d--damn thing.
55
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:25,143
Probably answers to some name like "Hugo".
56
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:29,425
There's a novelty. It's a great day
for personal discoveries.
57
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:33,299
Me mother was the fisherman's friend
and my bottom half's called Hugo.
58
00:05:33,470 --> 00:05:37,509
-- (SHOP BELL)
-- Don't you go, Hugo, I'll go.
59
00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:44,745
Come in, don't be hesitant. Everything's for sale.
60
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:49,779
No, I don't want anything. I was passing
and I noticed you spelt your sign incorrectly.
61
00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:56,222
Would you believe it!
40 years in grocery and provisions,
62
00:05:56,390 --> 00:06:01,384
then suddenly this head comes round the door
and starts c--correcting your spelling!
63
00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:04,269
Have you anything to substantiate
these charges?
64
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,898
Come and have a look.
65
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:10,585
You've spelt "special" with a "ho".
66
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:15,585
W--W--With a "ho"?
67
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:19,789
What sort of d--damn fool
would spell "special" with a "ho"?
68
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:26,103
Ho.
69
00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:28,659
You do f--feel a fool, don't you?
70
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:33,984
-- I noticed it as soon as I turned t'corner.
-- You've got v--very sharp eyes.
71
00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:37,222
That's true. I've always got me head in a book.
72
00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:43,147
I think that with the proper schooling
I could be even more important than I am now.
73
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:46,509
Yes.
74
00:06:46,670 --> 00:06:50,504
If I'm not careful,
you'll be one of those eagle--eyed customers
75
00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:53,389
who, before I can say J--Jack R--R--R...
76
00:06:53,550 --> 00:06:59,261
before I can s--s--s--say
J--Jack J--J--J--Jack R...
77
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:02,623
..before I can say Ron Micklethwaite...
78
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,941
..you are going to be s--spotting
all my bargains
79
00:07:07,110 --> 00:07:10,102
and cleaning me out of profits for the week.
80
00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:13,499
What did you move then?
81
00:07:13,670 --> 00:07:15,023
When?
82
00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:18,423
Just then. You moved that tin.
83
00:07:19,390 --> 00:07:22,905
-- I m--moved that tin?
-- It was over here.
84
00:07:27,510 --> 00:07:30,263
I can't k--keep anything from you, can I?
85
00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:33,945
I thought, "Hello, what's he doing hiding that tin?"
86
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:38,267
-- Baked beans?
-- Yes.
87
00:07:38,430 --> 00:07:41,103
Spelt correctly, is it?
88
00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:46,343
Aye, it's spelt correctly.
Why would anybody hide a tin of baked beans?
89
00:07:46,510 --> 00:07:52,665
Well, now, they're only that price
for people who have a regular weekly order.
90
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:58,223
I can't go giving them away at that price
to any strange spelling freak that comes in.
91
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,187
What price should they be?
92
00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:05,902
People who've always got their heads
in books seldom know the price of baked beans.
93
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:09,062
-- That's the wife's department.
-- Yes.
94
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:16,227
I bet you don't know the prices
of a whole range of simple commodities, do you?
95
00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:19,507
I know you don't spell "special" with a "ho"!
96
00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:23,702
Ta--ra, Mum!
97
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:32,539
(SHOP BELL RINGS)
98
00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:36,500
Right. Can you manage? That's the idea.
99
00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:41,462
Well done. And you certainly have been!
100
00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:45,826
Cheerio, with two "E"s!
101
00:08:47,710 --> 00:08:50,019
-- And one "ho"!
-- One "ho"!
102
00:08:52,470 --> 00:08:55,030
-- Hello, my love.
-- Business is looking up!
103
00:08:55,190 --> 00:08:59,820
-- Yes, but pleasure is looking down.
-- What are you gawping at?
104
00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:05,667
I was thinking, "One day, all this will be mine.
Lock, stock and b--both barrels!
105
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:09,789
-- Will you get behind that counter!
-- I've been behind the counter.
106
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:14,102
A man gets this urge for places
he's only h--heard about.
107
00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:17,706
And I thought you weren't interested in chapel!
108
00:09:17,870 --> 00:09:21,146
You're supposed to be
in the healing profession.
109
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:25,747
Is there somewhere we could go that's quiet?
I want to show you my elbow.
110
00:09:25,910 --> 00:09:29,380
I've seen an elbow.
When you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.
111
00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:33,463
You're in a damned difficult profession
for an engaged p--person.
112
00:09:33,630 --> 00:09:38,067
"Where's your fiancée, Arkwright?" they say.
"Oh," I say, "she could be anywhere.
113
00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:40,790
"Looking at the elbow of a s--stranger."
114
00:09:40,950 --> 00:09:44,545
-- When are we going to get married?
-- You know how things are.
115
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:47,747
I don't even know where things are!
116
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:53,746
We'll get married as soon as I can see
me way clear. What are your meringues like?
117
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:57,300
I'm not telling you till after we're married!
118
00:09:57,470 --> 00:10:02,783
-- Two can play at that game, you know.
-- Silly beggar! Come here. I'm in a hurry.
119
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:07,102
So am I. It's very difficult
living in this constant state of anticipation.
120
00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:10,387
-- I can get you something for that.
-- I've got something!
121
00:10:10,550 --> 00:10:12,541
-- In a bottle.
-- Oh.
122
00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:16,862
It's your own fault. You won't live
with me mother and I can't leave her.
123
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:21,308
She's a dear little f--frail old lady.
Course you can leave her!
124
00:10:21,470 --> 00:10:24,826
Dump her on a park bench and run!
She'll never catch you up.
125
00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:29,666
-- Typical! No wonder she can't stand you.
-- I don't see how anyone can live with her.
126
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,469
Your father couldn't stick it five minutes!
127
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:35,269
He didn't walk out. He were killed in the war.
128
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:38,900
They'll go to any lengths to avoid her, won't they?
129
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:41,379
-- Don't be awful.
-- All right.
130
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:45,384
She gets so bored,
lying in that lonely bed hour after hour.
131
00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:47,859
Yes, I kn--know the feeling.
132
00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:53,386
-- Perhaps I'll take her a tin of pilchards.
-- Wouldn't a budgie be more company?
133
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:56,542
Oh, dear! Listen, you dozy old fool!
134
00:10:56,710 --> 00:11:01,545
-- I want something to tempt her appetite.
-- Tempt her appetite?!
135
00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:05,419
She goes through a four--course meal
like machinery up a motorway!
136
00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:09,265
That's only on her good days.
Some days she eats like a bird.
137
00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:11,307
Yes, a pelican!
138
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:15,748
Hey, what about some of that, then?
That's ideal, is that.
139
00:11:15,910 --> 00:11:18,708
Ginger cake? Jamaican ginger cake?
140
00:11:18,870 --> 00:11:21,862
Lovely with a bit of butter on it,
but aren't we all?
141
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:24,703
You've been trying to unload this all week.
142
00:11:24,870 --> 00:11:28,340
It's been featured on your window,
displayed on the counter.
143
00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:31,104
Why k--keep quiet about a good thing?
144
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:36,344
-- A good thing? Then why's nobody buying it?
-- I had begun to consider that myself.
145
00:11:36,510 --> 00:11:38,421
I know you of old, Arkwright.
146
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:41,423
I expect you to push it on other customers,
147
00:11:41,590 --> 00:11:45,026
but don't unload all the junk
you're overstocked with on me!
148
00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:47,226
Oh, my love... Ooh!
149
00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:49,782
I'm late for work.
150
00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:55,422
I'm coming over tonight to show you my elbow.
I'll stick it through the letterbox.
151
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,943
Huh!
152
00:12:08,670 --> 00:12:12,424
It's no good, Granville.
We'll have to box cleverer than this!
153
00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:15,468
How much boxier do you think I can get?
154
00:12:15,630 --> 00:12:21,068
Listen, I think people realise
I've got ginger cake on my mind.
155
00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:24,267
I'm not surprised. For the last ten days,
156
00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:29,220
they've hardly got through that door before
it's been, "Good morning, Mrs G--Ginger Cake!
157
00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:32,700
"Nice ginger cake for the time of year.
158
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:36,465
"How's your eldest cake?
Is he still a bit g--g--ginger?"
159
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:39,190
Listen, Granville... Oh, dear!
160
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,263
-- I'll take two ounces.
-- Right.
161
00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:38,550
-- Don't need much with no man in the house.
-- No, I suppose not, not in quantity.
162
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:42,305
Still, now you should spoil yourself
for a few luxury items.
163
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:44,904
Not after a lifetime scrimping and saving.
164
00:13:45,070 --> 00:13:50,508
After a lifetime scrimping and saving,
you should be able to afford a few luxury items.
165
00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:56,188
-- Oh, I've got a bit tucked away.
-- Yes, you k--keep it tucked away!
166
00:13:56,910 --> 00:14:00,869
-- I intend to.
-- I can tell that by your expression!
167
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:04,306
Of course, I had him insured.
It brought me a lump sum.
168
00:14:04,470 --> 00:14:08,827
Oh, yes. It's very sad.
Brings a lump sum to the throat!
169
00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:14,260
-- Financially, I've never been as well off.
-- That's very true.
170
00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:20,027
But how long will it last if you keep
lashing out on two ounces of corned beef?
171
00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:23,819
-- I shall continue living simply.
-- Ah, you've no idea
172
00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:29,064
how that sort of common sense
warms the heart of a shopkeeper.
173
00:14:31,510 --> 00:14:33,068
Oh, dear!
174
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:41,702
Oh, I don't know!
175
00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:46,543
It's lovely when it all quietens down!
176
00:14:46,710 --> 00:14:49,019
There we are, Mrs F--F--F...
177
00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:53,661
Oh, dear! Don't tiptoe about,
Granville, come in (!)
178
00:14:53,830 --> 00:14:57,664
-- What have you got there?
-- That is a bargain.
179
00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:03,223
-- It's dripping oil!
-- Granville, dripping in front of a lady!
180
00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:06,188
-- 'Eck, I'm sorry!
-- What does he want with that?
181
00:15:06,350 --> 00:15:09,945
I don't know what he wants.
Who can tell at his age?
182
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:15,104
Only last week I caught him sneaking off
with an entire g--ginger cake.
183
00:15:15,270 --> 00:15:20,060
-- A ginger cake?
-- We got a new batch in. It's irresistible.
184
00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:24,109
-- All it needs is a new clutch.
-- And a few more raisins.
185
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,261
Listen, Granville,
186
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:30,867
I hate to criticise, but in this subdued light
this looks like an old lawn mower.
187
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:33,260
It is a lawn mower!
188
00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:39,182
Aren't we overlooking something, Mr Thrower?
189
00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:41,989
We haven't got a f--flamin' lawn!
190
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,869
I know we haven't got a lawn.
191
00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:52,866
I've raised a buyer. All these years
I've been trying to bring him up as a seller.
192
00:15:53,030 --> 00:15:55,339
And now he turns out to be a b--buyer!
193
00:15:55,510 --> 00:16:00,584
I bought it for the engine.
I'm gonna fix it to the shop bike.
194
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:04,299
-- Morning, Mr Arkwright!
-- Good morning, Bert.
195
00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:06,028
Oh, dear!
196
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:09,500
Oh! Look at all them p--poor buns!
197
00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:13,424
That's ingenious!
A mower just inside the doorway.
198
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:16,821
I wonder why other shops
haven't thought of that.
199
00:16:16,990 --> 00:16:19,345
-- I'll make sure he's all right.
-- Granville!
200
00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:23,105
First thing to do is
consider the legal position,
201
00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,704
which is quite plain on first principles.
202
00:16:25,870 --> 00:16:28,862
-- What principles?
-- Deny all responsibility!
203
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:33,342
He comes bouncing in here,
kicking an old lawn mower in off the street!
204
00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:36,547
Off the street? It was in here!
205
00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:40,544
Who in their right mind
would l--leave a lawn mower in here?
206
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:43,304
-- It was in here!
-- An old mower?
207
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,507
I walked through that door and "Wouf!"
208
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:50,185
I'm going before we get to needing witnesses.
209
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,346
-- Granville, don't touch that bun!
-- Never touched it!
210
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:57,820
Once we touch that bun
we have accepted delivery.
211
00:16:57,990 --> 00:17:03,986
What'll we do with a load of d--damaged buns
that have been on this filthy floor?
212
00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:06,789
They were not damaged buns when I came in.
213
00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:11,705
I understand that, B--Bert. I realise
your predicament. Let's have a chat outside.
214
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:16,944
-- What predicament?
-- Getting an offer for them old buns.
215
00:17:18,550 --> 00:17:21,018
Granville, start picking up our buns.
216
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:24,944
-- You said they weren't our buns.
-- They will be in a minute!
217
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:31,504
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING IN KITCHEN)
218
00:17:38,470 --> 00:17:42,941
I brought this back, Mr Arkwright. Can I change it
for the other one you showed me?
219
00:17:43,110 --> 00:17:48,138
Yes, if you like, Julie. There's no price
difference. They're on that card over there.
220
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:51,382
Granville, could you keep it down in there?
221
00:17:51,550 --> 00:17:53,586
(WHIRRING STOPS)
222
00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:58,221
-- What?
-- For goodness' sake, keep it down in there!
223
00:17:58,390 --> 00:18:02,542
-- There must be 14 different shampoos here!
-- I know!
224
00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:08,068
Typical! You break your back trying
to perform some technological breakthrough
225
00:18:08,230 --> 00:18:12,542
and all he can say is, "G--Granville,
k--k--k--keep it down in there"!
226
00:18:14,630 --> 00:18:19,101
There's a lady here
who can't hear herself change her mind.
227
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:23,786
-- Oh! Hello, Julie!
-- Hello, Granville!
228
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:30,948
Has your husband come back yet?
229
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,749
I expect he will do, though, won't he?
230
00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:36,549
I expect so. He did last time.
231
00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:47,066
-- I thought you w--were busy in there.
-- I am busy in there.
232
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:50,742
I'm fixing an engine on my shop bike.
233
00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:55,869
-- Be careful, Granville.
-- He's not the Wright Brothers!
234
00:18:56,030 --> 00:18:58,908
He's not making
the world's f--first aeroplane --
235
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:04,622
though looking at the mess there, it looks
like it -- just after it had done a pancake!
236
00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:07,782
He's clever with his hands, your Granville.
237
00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:12,944
Deny everything. Go on!
238
00:19:14,510 --> 00:19:17,343
Would you say I'd got flyaway hair?
239
00:19:17,510 --> 00:19:20,183
No. It's still on your head, in't it?
240
00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:26,858
-- What exactly is flyaway hair?
-- Don't ask me! Ask Freddie Laker in there.
241
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:31,459
I'll take this one.
I've never had it before.
242
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:35,623
When your husband leaves,
it's time to do something different with your hair.
243
00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:39,988
Now, Julie, don't start behaving
like a s--single woman again
244
00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:42,869
just because your husband's gone
for a few weeks.
245
00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:45,260
With another woman?
246
00:19:45,430 --> 00:19:48,627
Maybe they're just going
in the same direction.
247
00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:50,906
She's pregnant.
248
00:19:51,070 --> 00:19:55,621
My goodness. They must have been going
in opposite directions!
249
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:58,179
Is there a shortage of ginger cake?
250
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:03,105
Oh, yes, it's worldwide, you know.
People can't get enough of it.
251
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:08,628
It's the Japanese. They're grabbing in
everything they can lay their hands on.
252
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:13,147
God knows what Oriental p--practices
they will be pursuing with them.
253
00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:16,222
They're a neat race, but small, I think.
254
00:20:16,390 --> 00:20:21,862
Maybe that's the answer. They've taken to
standing on ginger cakes at sporting events.
255
00:20:22,790 --> 00:20:27,944
-- They have wooden pillows.
-- Not any more. They use ginger cakes.
256
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:30,465
Tell you what, Julie.
257
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,860
Here, slip one in your bag.
258
00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:36,661
That's very good of you, Mr Arkwright!
259
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:40,743
If you can't help a few friends, what is life about?
260
00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:42,946
57p, please.
261
00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:49,302
-- No, you can't.
-- Can't what?
262
00:20:49,470 --> 00:20:53,065
You can't come barging in
asking for ginger cake.
263
00:20:53,230 --> 00:20:56,620
-- Ginger cake?
-- Oh, very well, then. Just the one.
264
00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:58,906
It's 57p.
265
00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:01,584
But I came in for razor blades!
266
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:07,029
That's the s--spirit, Cyril. Sounds much better
than saying you came in for ginger cake.
267
00:21:07,190 --> 00:21:12,059
People get very offended
if you don't distribute these things f--fairly.
268
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,949
What would I want with ginger cake?
269
00:21:15,110 --> 00:21:18,227
Hey! Can someone come here and hold this?
270
00:21:18,390 --> 00:21:20,620
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
271
00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:26,740
I can't come and hold this. Cyril's in the shop.
You know what a gossip mouth he is.
272
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:30,459
If I can persuade him
of the m--magical properties of ginger cake,
273
00:21:30,630 --> 00:21:32,939
he'll spread the gospel all round the town.
274
00:21:33,110 --> 00:21:35,829
I want someone to come and hold this!
275
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:41,340
Julie, do me a favour.
Go and assist Flying Officer Kite through there.
276
00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:43,944
Suppose I do something wrong?
277
00:21:44,110 --> 00:21:48,069
You'll be all right
so long as he's got both hands full.
278
00:21:48,230 --> 00:21:51,586
Oh dear! Haven't you got anything smaller?
279
00:21:53,190 --> 00:21:55,499
There we are, then, C--Cyril.
280
00:21:55,670 --> 00:21:57,740
Razor blades and one ginger cake.
281
00:21:57,910 --> 00:22:02,381
One ginger cake? Why the hell
should I want one ginger cake?
282
00:22:02,550 --> 00:22:06,907
I know how you feel, but I can't possibly
let you have any more.
283
00:22:07,070 --> 00:22:11,188
-- More?!
-- No, I swore one cake p--per customer.
284
00:22:11,350 --> 00:22:15,229
That's the wife's department, cakes.
I don't buy cakes.
285
00:22:15,390 --> 00:22:20,339
-- You buy r--razor blades, don't you?
-- I don't expect her to buy razor blades.
286
00:22:20,510 --> 00:22:23,149
Oh. Uses electric, does she?
287
00:22:25,790 --> 00:22:28,941
I can't hear any drilling in there. Keep drilling!
288
00:22:29,110 --> 00:22:32,102
What do you mean, "uses electric"?
289
00:22:32,270 --> 00:22:35,740
She's not bad--looking, my missus, is she?
290
00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:37,980
Don't you know?
291
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:41,142
Well, you get busy, don't you?
292
00:22:41,310 --> 00:22:44,700
Surely you must have n--noticed her
around the place?
293
00:22:44,870 --> 00:22:49,386
Well, I'd have noticed
if she'd gone bad--looking, wouldn't I?
294
00:22:49,550 --> 00:22:54,101
-- She used to be good--looking.
-- She is still very attractive, Cyril.
295
00:22:54,270 --> 00:22:59,219
-- There you are. I knew she was.
-- Not a very close relationship, is it?
296
00:22:59,390 --> 00:23:02,063
Well, you get your own interests.
297
00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:05,063
Yes. Tell me, Cyril, once upon a time,
298
00:23:05,230 --> 00:23:08,620
didn't you ever have s--s--similar interests?
299
00:23:08,790 --> 00:23:11,258
Of course we did!
300
00:23:11,670 --> 00:23:13,422
Naturally.
301
00:23:13,590 --> 00:23:17,947
Certainly. You do, don't you, in the beginning?
302
00:23:18,110 --> 00:23:21,785
Hmm. When you first went on your honeymoon,
303
00:23:21,950 --> 00:23:26,660
and she started to allow you to practise
those little practices that you practise...
304
00:23:27,470 --> 00:23:29,700
I know, I know!
305
00:23:29,870 --> 00:23:34,864
Well, when you came back after a fortnight,
it wasn't compulsory to stop!
306
00:23:35,030 --> 00:23:37,988
You are a life member.
307
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:42,428
-- I know, you fool.
-- You slipped back into your old ways.
308
00:23:42,590 --> 00:23:46,549
I've got me allotment
and she bakes for the church.
309
00:23:46,710 --> 00:23:51,500
Does she? Where does she get her flour?
She doesn't come to me for flour.
310
00:23:51,670 --> 00:23:55,299
The vicar lets her have it.
Somebody lets him have it wholesale.
311
00:23:55,470 --> 00:23:58,223
Oh. That's how you get to h--heaven, is it?
312
00:23:58,390 --> 00:24:01,587
-- Mind you, there is another way, Cyril.
-- What?
313
00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,980
Of getting a little bit of heaven.
314
00:24:04,150 --> 00:24:10,100
Don't you ever wish that you could put
a little sparkle back into your marriage?
315
00:24:10,270 --> 00:24:14,468
Well, of course! But where do you find
the golden key?
316
00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,265
Funny you should say that, Cyril.
317
00:24:21,190 --> 00:24:25,183
-- Ginger cake?
-- Jamaican g--g--ginger cake.
318
00:24:25,910 --> 00:24:28,788
Land of the throbbing d--drums!
319
00:24:28,950 --> 00:24:31,783
Land of the tropical heat.
320
00:24:31,950 --> 00:24:33,861
Land of the...
321
00:24:36,510 --> 00:24:37,863
Woodbines?
322
00:24:41,430 --> 00:24:43,944
Not Woodbines, no!
323
00:24:44,110 --> 00:24:48,388
A much stronger weed.
Something to set your blood racing.
324
00:24:48,550 --> 00:24:53,829
Something you can either smoke
or sprinkle into your home cooking,
325
00:24:53,990 --> 00:24:57,665
in accordance with ancient voodoo recipes.
326
00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:02,942
Isn't it illegal? What effect does it have?
327
00:25:03,110 --> 00:25:08,707
What effect does it have? You can throw away
all your powdered rhino horn, for a start!
328
00:25:08,870 --> 00:25:12,579
-- Still, I know you, Cyril.
-- Where are you going with that?
329
00:25:12,750 --> 00:25:16,663
No. You won't keep your mouth shut.
You'll want to be known
330
00:25:16,830 --> 00:25:21,540
as the man who introduced them all
to g--ginger cake as a marital aid.
331
00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:24,429
I shan't say a word!
332
00:25:30,470 --> 00:25:32,700
Keep drilling in there!
333
00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:43,344
Why are all those fellows who keep coming in
to buy ginger cake behaving so strangely?
334
00:25:43,510 --> 00:25:44,829
Strangely?
335
00:25:44,990 --> 00:25:49,063
They come in with dark glasses
and cap pulled down.
336
00:25:49,230 --> 00:25:52,108
They're asking for it in a plain wrapper.
337
00:25:53,990 --> 00:25:56,948
I haven't the r--remotest idea!
338
00:26:07,430 --> 00:26:10,183
(SHOP BELL RINGS)
339
00:26:21,230 --> 00:26:26,224
I should have been an engineer. Part of
the great team that builds the motorways.
340
00:26:26,390 --> 00:26:30,303
Or that greater team
that comes behind 'em, repairing 'em!
341
00:26:32,590 --> 00:26:35,150
Hello, my love!
342
00:26:35,670 --> 00:26:38,343
'Ey up! Here comes another one!
343
00:26:46,550 --> 00:26:48,506
Go on, then.
344
00:26:48,670 --> 00:26:53,300
Listen, when are we going to have
a rehearsal for our wedding?
345
00:26:53,470 --> 00:26:57,463
You'll not need one.
It's not as if you've got much of a part!
346
00:26:57,630 --> 00:26:59,063
Charming!
347
00:27:02,550 --> 00:27:06,429
Hey! Wow! Phew! That ginger cake!
348
00:27:06,590 --> 00:27:08,387
It works?
349
00:27:08,550 --> 00:27:12,748
-- Works? Ooh, wow!
-- What's going on?
350
00:27:12,910 --> 00:27:16,823
Just an idea I've had
for something for your supper, my love.
351
00:27:16,990 --> 00:27:18,821
(BELL RINGS)
352
00:27:21,670 --> 00:27:24,787
-- I'll get another one.
-- I've just sold the last one.
353
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:28,222
-- The last one?
-- Aye, to him up there.
354
00:27:49,950 --> 00:27:52,305
It's a dark night.
355
00:27:52,470 --> 00:27:55,542
God save all lonely travellers.
356
00:27:56,710 --> 00:28:01,704
Especially those good--natured simple souls
inclined to spend money!
357
00:28:02,830 --> 00:28:05,549
Forgive us our trespasses, Lord.
358
00:28:05,710 --> 00:28:10,625
Particularly those of us
under the influence of ginger cake.
359
00:28:10,790 --> 00:28:14,305
Oh, and if our Granville
could be a shade taller,
360
00:28:14,470 --> 00:28:18,702
he'd be much more useful
on the end of a feather duster.
361
00:28:18,870 --> 00:28:21,862
However, suit yourself.
362
00:28:22,030 --> 00:28:24,419
I shall stick by you.
363
00:28:24,590 --> 00:28:29,425
It'll soon be only me and thee who's not
either nationalised or a limited company!