1
00:00:27,847 --> 00:00:29,997
Fifty per cent?!

2
00:00:30,167 --> 00:00:32,317
F--Fifty per cent.

3
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:39,087
It's a bit fierce, in't it? Not like you.
I've seen you go white at five per cent!

4
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:43,559
If you want to attract people in,
you've got to be b--bold.

5
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:45,126
I see.

6
00:00:45,287 --> 00:00:48,916
How many items have we got marked...

7
00:00:49,087 --> 00:00:50,884
How many?

8
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:56,682
None, you clown!

9
00:00:56,847 --> 00:00:59,884
You don't think I'm g--giving stuff away?

10
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,485
Morning, sir.

11
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:23,922
Seriously, have you thought about a drawbridge?

12
00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:52,042
Morning, Granville!

13
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:55,958
For me?

14
00:02:56,727 --> 00:02:59,366
That's really sweet, Granville.

15
00:03:00,527 --> 00:03:02,085
Well, er...

16
00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:06,763
Why don't you take one bottle
and I'll hold the flowers?

17
00:03:12,207 --> 00:03:16,166
-- Say something. Can't you speak?
-- Normally I can.

18
00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:18,841
I mean, normally I can speak.

19
00:03:19,007 --> 00:03:25,196
What I mean is, if we were going out
together on a date I'd be able to speak.

20
00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:28,643
I'm almost certain I'd be able to speak.

21
00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:31,719
Nobody's ever given me flowers on the street.

22
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,681
You're a nice person, Granville.

23
00:03:35,847 --> 00:03:39,556
-- Aw! I wish you'd never said that.
-- Why?

24
00:03:39,727 --> 00:03:44,517
That's what girls say when they turn round
and go off with somebody nasty!

25
00:03:44,687 --> 00:03:48,566
-- Somebody big, handsome and nasty.
-- Funny you should say that.

26
00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:51,764
I knew it! I knew it!

27
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,923
Never mind. Keep the flowers anyway.

28
00:03:57,087 --> 00:03:59,442
What's me boyfriend going to say?

29
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,916
Don't tell him. I'm not gonna tell him.

30
00:04:02,087 --> 00:04:05,762
He's the milk round supervisor.
He'll see me with these.

31
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:11,841
Well, just be honest about it.
Tell him that Granville gave them to you.

32
00:04:12,007 --> 00:04:16,398
Granville, who's not such a nice person
but maybe underneath is pretty nasty

33
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:18,717
in an attractive sort of way.

34
00:04:18,887 --> 00:04:23,756
Keep the flowers. Tell him
that's how Granville is -- flowers, champagne...

35
00:04:23,927 --> 00:04:25,565
Bolts!

36
00:04:25,727 --> 00:04:28,560
Stick to your bolts.

37
00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:32,839
Milk round supervisor?

38
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,965
Big, in't he?

39
00:05:03,327 --> 00:05:08,082
-- <i>Did Mrs G--Gillespie come in for her bread?</i>
-- Yes.

40
00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:17,400
-- Wh--What happened to the flowers?
-- Her boyfriend gave 'em back to me.

41
00:05:19,047 --> 00:05:24,041
Oh! So we're giving flowers
to the milk woman's boyfriend now, are we?

42
00:05:24,207 --> 00:05:27,916
Sometimes I really do think he's Hungarian!

43
00:05:32,527 --> 00:05:37,760
I th--th--th--th--thought I...
I thought I kn--knew that face.

44
00:05:37,927 --> 00:05:42,125
Bessie Enderly. Granville,
you remember Bessie Enderly?

45
00:05:42,287 --> 00:05:45,962
-- No.
-- Yes, you do. That's her there.

46
00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:50,359
A very undistinguished woman. Lived
in G--Gordon Street with her second husband.

47
00:05:50,527 --> 00:05:53,519
-- What happened to her first?
-- He fell off a ladder.

48
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,406
-- Oh, dear.
-- Yeah. Onto Mrs B--B--Bradbury.

49
00:05:57,287 --> 00:06:00,279
He so enjoyed the experience,
he made it a habit.

50
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:03,757
As soon as his leg got better,
they ran away together.

51
00:06:03,927 --> 00:06:08,000
-- They're now living, I believe, in s--s--s...
-- In sin?

52
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,556
C--C--Cirencester.

53
00:06:10,727 --> 00:06:13,605
Which I understand is very similar.

54
00:06:13,767 --> 00:06:16,725
I admire people
who have the courage to do that.

55
00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:20,926
Yes, it takes a lot of p--pluck
to go and live in C--Cirencester.

56
00:06:21,927 --> 00:06:26,955
I mean to throw caution to the wind
for the person you love and run off together.

57
00:06:27,127 --> 00:06:31,040
Have you been r--reading
the W--William Hickey column again?

58
00:06:31,207 --> 00:06:33,084
By the way,

59
00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:37,877
didn't you and I ought to have a talky--walky
about the milk woman's b--boyfriend?

60
00:06:38,047 --> 00:06:40,117
No, we didn't.

61
00:06:41,047 --> 00:06:48,044
I was merely speculating seriously
about people like myself who have a burning urge.

62
00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:51,483
B--Burning urge?
You can't even get a f--fire going!

63
00:06:51,647 --> 00:06:55,401
All you've got so far is a puff of smoke
and sooty fingers.

64
00:06:55,567 --> 00:06:59,799
-- Everything's damp.
-- It's your age. It'll pass.

65
00:06:59,967 --> 00:07:05,121
-- The sticks are damp, the coal is damp.
-- Go and open a p--packet of firelighters.

66
00:07:05,287 --> 00:07:09,041
You won't let me use firelighters.
"They're too expensive."

67
00:07:09,207 --> 00:07:12,802
They are in this damn shop!
I'm not paying these prices.

68
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:15,561
Get round the Co--op and buy some.

69
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,036
I'm joking. Go and open a packet.

70
00:07:18,207 --> 00:07:19,845
All right!

71
00:07:23,487 --> 00:07:28,003
Not if they're gonna count
as my birthday present, I won't!

72
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:32,319
You s--see through all my little p--ploys,
don't you? Go on, agreed.

73
00:07:32,487 --> 00:07:33,966
Agreed.

74
00:07:34,127 --> 00:07:36,322
-- What about her, then?
-- Who?

75
00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:40,162
-- This woman you're reading about.
-- B--B--Bessie Enderly?

76
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:43,000
Aye, her from Gordon Street.

77
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:47,797
She's not there any more. She's in the paper,
getting married for the third time.

78
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:52,438
She doesn't hang about. A minute ago
she was getting married for the second time.

79
00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:55,326
-- (SHOP BELL)
-- What happened to her second husband?

80
00:07:55,487 --> 00:08:00,197
Never you mind. Just make sure
you put the money in the till for them firelighters.

81
00:08:15,727 --> 00:08:18,082
Oh, you silly beggar!

82
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:23,558
My God. There's nothing startles you
more than a furtive grocer!

83
00:08:23,727 --> 00:08:28,562
That was only a little startle.
Wait till you s--see me big startle!

84
00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:35,122
-- Might I make a suggestion?
-- No, I've heard your suggestions.

85
00:08:35,287 --> 00:08:40,566
It seems a pity you holding your chest
and me holding this c--car door.

86
00:08:40,727 --> 00:08:43,116
Couldn't we come
to some different arrangement?

87
00:08:43,287 --> 00:08:46,165
Out of me way. I'm gagging for a cup of tea.

88
00:08:46,327 --> 00:08:50,798
To strike a more depressing note,
how's your mum today?

89
00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:52,958
She's fine, thank you.

90
00:08:58,887 --> 00:09:00,923
I'm g--glad about that.

91
00:09:01,847 --> 00:09:06,045
-- You'll never go to heaven, you.
-- Me?! What about her?

92
00:09:06,207 --> 00:09:10,564
-- She's been p--putting it off for years!
-- Don't be like that!

93
00:09:10,727 --> 00:09:14,720
Don't you feel any bitterness
that she's s--standing in your way?

94
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,879
It's you that's standing in me way.

95
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:28,277
-- What are you doing in there?
-- I'm sitting here while the seat's warm!

96
00:09:29,807 --> 00:09:34,483
It's about as close as I get
to the privileges of an engaged p--person.

97
00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:39,162
Being engaged to you
is like having your own piano

98
00:09:39,327 --> 00:09:43,240
and not being allowed to h--have a tinkle on it.

99
00:09:44,127 --> 00:09:47,119
Yes, but you're after the same three notes!

100
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:52,520
Listen, I appeal to you
from the warm seat of this Morris Minor.

101
00:09:52,687 --> 00:09:58,000
-- I'll make it up to you some day.
-- Couldn't we arrange a bit on account?

102
00:09:58,167 --> 00:10:02,763
If there's one thing you've taught me,
it's never give credit.

103
00:10:02,927 --> 00:10:04,645
Aye.

104
00:10:04,807 --> 00:10:07,480
Ooh! Oh, dear, dear!

105
00:10:08,527 --> 00:10:11,121
Never mind, we shan't be using that end.

106
00:10:13,087 --> 00:10:15,885
-- Take two of these.
-- Two of them?!

107
00:10:17,327 --> 00:10:21,206
Two of these in a cold bath at least once a day.

108
00:10:22,847 --> 00:10:28,080
Or whenever the itch gets unbearable!
And whatever you do, don't scratch it!

109
00:10:32,247 --> 00:10:37,605
Oh, all right. Come over when I've tucked
me mother in. We'll have a bit of supper.

110
00:10:39,007 --> 00:10:42,920
Can't your mother eat the supper
and I'll tuck you in?

111
00:10:45,807 --> 00:10:47,604
Very well.

112
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,886
Hey!

113
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:55,642
What have you got that's got 50% off?

114
00:10:55,807 --> 00:11:00,483
That's the spirit, my love.
Keep up that attitude of frank curiosity

115
00:11:00,647 --> 00:11:03,320
and we could be in for a memorable evening!

116
00:11:03,487 --> 00:11:05,478
(PARPING)

117
00:11:16,007 --> 00:11:20,000
-- Oh, it's you.
-- Oh, Sooty, what have you been playing at?

118
00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:23,079
Have you been out with Sweep again?

119
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:26,796
Look at the s--state of you!
Haven't you got that fire going?

120
00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:30,562
I think I've got it going now.
Where have you been?

121
00:11:30,727 --> 00:11:34,356
I have been sitting in the warm seat
of a M--Morris Minor.

122
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,926
Whatever for?

123
00:11:36,087 --> 00:11:40,558
I've a great affection
for the old M--Morris Minor, you know.

124
00:11:40,727 --> 00:11:44,276
I love the way it curves
around b--bonnet and boot.

125
00:11:44,447 --> 00:11:49,885
Much as does a c--certain friend of mine
who shall remain nameless but state--registered.

126
00:11:50,047 --> 00:11:54,040
Delivery, Mr Arkwright.
Can you open t'warehouse door?

127
00:11:58,487 --> 00:12:03,242
Was it your impression that a broom head
just came round the door?

128
00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:06,558
-- Don't worry. I'll go.
-- No, I will go.

129
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:10,242
I like to count everything
those delivery men bring in.

130
00:12:10,407 --> 00:12:14,639
-- You've gotta trust somebody sometimes.
-- Not when you're signing for it.

131
00:12:14,807 --> 00:12:17,082
Look what happened to Neville Chamberlain.

132
00:12:19,087 --> 00:12:22,477
-- Morning, Mrs Featherstone.
-- Is he in?

133
00:12:22,647 --> 00:12:24,842
No. Just us.

134
00:12:25,007 --> 00:12:27,999
You and me. A man and a woman.

135
00:12:29,527 --> 00:12:31,040
Alone.

136
00:12:31,207 --> 00:12:34,722
Oh, my God, it's gonna be
one of them days, is it?

137
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:38,163
He's checking a delivery.
Is there anything I can do?

138
00:12:38,327 --> 00:12:42,400
-- I prefer to be served by older persons.
-- I'm not contagious.

139
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,479
Nothing personal. You're a willing lad.

140
00:12:45,647 --> 00:12:50,357
-- I am. I'm a willing lad.
-- Simply that a woman of my age, alone...

141
00:12:50,527 --> 00:12:54,156
We're all alone, Mrs Featherstone, in the end.

142
00:12:54,327 --> 00:12:57,478
Sometimes at both ends.

143
00:12:57,647 --> 00:13:01,401
You see how you are! You're weird!

144
00:13:01,567 --> 00:13:04,877
-- Weird?
-- You talk weird.

145
00:13:05,047 --> 00:13:07,356
You're not like older people.

146
00:13:07,527 --> 00:13:10,758
Nobody talks to me. I'm invisible.

147
00:13:10,927 --> 00:13:13,839
I'm the errand boy from outer space.

148
00:13:29,807 --> 00:13:35,518
It's not possible for a woman of my age
to have a gossip with a person of your age.

149
00:13:35,687 --> 00:13:39,965
I'm sorry, but there's no satisfaction in it
for the seasoned gossiper.

150
00:13:40,127 --> 00:13:42,357
You've got to play in your own league.

151
00:13:42,527 --> 00:13:46,759
You wouldn't ask Kevin Keegan in
for a game of blow football.

152
00:13:49,447 --> 00:13:52,359
What's it really like to be a woman?

153
00:13:54,807 --> 00:13:57,924
See what I mean? You're weird!

154
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:02,443
I'll just take two small loaves, please, Granville.

155
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,766
Dunno why you think I'm weird!

156
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:31,239
My, they make you sweat, them deliveries.

157
00:14:31,407 --> 00:14:36,527
-- Why didn't you let the driver bring it in?
-- I did! It's not that, it's the p--prices!

158
00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:39,995
It's all these h--overheads.

159
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:43,955
Are you gonna be depressed all day
because you've had a big bill?

160
00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:46,800
I p--possibly am. It's a free country.

161
00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:50,039
An Englishman has a right
to be depressed if he wants.

162
00:14:50,207 --> 00:14:53,961
But you get all your money back
when you've resold the stuff.

163
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:58,678
When's that going to be? What's my money
worth by the time I get that back?

164
00:14:58,847 --> 00:15:03,125
-- It's all the m--middlemen.
-- Oh, no!

165
00:15:03,287 --> 00:15:06,165
Me fire's gone out again!

166
00:15:06,327 --> 00:15:10,240
What we should really be selling
is stuff we make ourselves.

167
00:15:10,407 --> 00:15:14,798
I've just washed me hands
and now me fire's gone out again.

168
00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:16,923
Treacle toffee.

169
00:15:17,847 --> 00:15:20,839
We m--m--might have a go at t--treacle toffee.

170
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:24,602
Arkwright's f--f--famous t--t--t--treacle t--toffee.

171
00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:28,040
That s--sounds all right, does that.

172
00:15:28,207 --> 00:15:31,517
That sounds as if it's been g--going a long time.

173
00:15:31,687 --> 00:15:34,918
More than you can say for this damn fire!

174
00:15:35,087 --> 00:15:39,046
I can see a lorry on the motorway
with that written on it.

175
00:15:39,207 --> 00:15:45,919
"Arkwright's f--fam--f--famous
t--t--t--treacle t--t--t--t--t--toffee."

176
00:15:46,087 --> 00:15:49,079
You'll never get all that on the side of a lorry!

177
00:15:52,407 --> 00:15:57,083
Just d--don't waste your breath on witticisms.
Save it for blowing.

178
00:15:57,967 --> 00:16:01,642
Anyway, there's no demand
for t--treacle toffee nowadays.

179
00:16:01,807 --> 00:16:04,116
Not since y--yoghurt came in.

180
00:16:04,287 --> 00:16:07,518
It's very sticky, isn't it, t--treacle toffee?

181
00:16:07,687 --> 00:16:11,726
Nurse Gladys and I might become
even more attached than ever.

182
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:15,004
Hey, I might have to m--marry her!

183
00:16:17,447 --> 00:16:22,885
No, she'll think of some t--terrible
medical way of wr--wriggling loose.

184
00:16:23,047 --> 00:16:27,279
-- Ooh, it don't half make your eyes water.
-- Yeah, that's the method!

185
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:34,523
Oh. You see, what we should be supplying
is something that's in constant demand.

186
00:16:34,687 --> 00:16:39,158
No, it's no good.
I'll have to use another firelighter.

187
00:16:40,127 --> 00:16:43,199
-- F--F--Fire... F--Fire! F--Fire... F--Fire!
-- Where?

188
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:45,835
Fire... F--Fire... No, f--firelighters!

189
00:16:46,007 --> 00:16:50,444
-- Firelighters? I only want to use one!
-- No, that is it! Firelighters!

190
00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,802
-- That's what we'll do!
-- Firelighters?

191
00:16:52,967 --> 00:16:55,276
You're coming off on me!

192
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:59,235
That's my best pinny.
Look what you made me do!

193
00:16:59,407 --> 00:17:04,401
Your pinny is going to get stained anyway
when we start making f--firelighters.

194
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:07,559
-- Making firelighters?
-- In the sh--shed out the back!

195
00:17:08,807 --> 00:17:11,037
F--F--Firelighters!

196
00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:33,086
-- Off sch--school again, are you?
-- It's boring.

197
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:39,315
Do you realise that 70% of the ratepayers'
money goes on education?

198
00:17:40,567 --> 00:17:42,637
We haven't done per cents.

199
00:17:44,087 --> 00:17:48,000
Looking at you,
I can't shake off this feeling

200
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:51,159
that we're all due for a m--massive refund!

201
00:17:52,047 --> 00:17:54,083
You can read, can you?

202
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,158
It's boring!

203
00:18:02,927 --> 00:18:05,964
You sh--shouldn't be s--smoking at your age!

204
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:09,119
Not if you're n--not buying them from me!

205
00:18:12,807 --> 00:18:14,240
Cyril?

206
00:18:14,407 --> 00:18:19,162
You have the silent tread
of a Yorkshire c--county cricket supporter!

207
00:18:19,927 --> 00:18:22,839
What exciting new product?

208
00:18:25,847 --> 00:18:28,520
What exciting new product?

209
00:18:28,687 --> 00:18:33,397
I shouldn't worry about it, if I were you.
It's a bit late to do much for you.

210
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:37,355
-- What do you mean, it's too late?
-- Only my little joke.

211
00:18:37,527 --> 00:18:40,883
-- You wanna jack it in, jokes like that.
-- Listen.

212
00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:43,117
Hey, get off! What's wrong?

213
00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:47,200
Nothing! I shouldn't w--worry about it.
It'll probably clear up.

214
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:50,439
-- Probably?
-- Yes, don't w--worry about it.

215
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:53,201
It usually g--goes away on its own.

216
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:55,927
-- What does?
-- The yellow flecks in the eyes.

217
00:18:56,087 --> 00:19:01,605
I tell people. I say, "Don't bother about it.
It invariably g--goes away on its own."

218
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:04,759
Have a look yourself
if you don't b--believe me.

219
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,757
I can't see no yellow flecks.

220
00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:15,443
That's 'cause you're looking from the back.
If you were looking from the front...

221
00:19:17,207 --> 00:19:20,165
I'll bet loads of people
have flecks in their eyes.

222
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:24,923
Oh, they do. Course they do.
When they get billiard deficiency.

223
00:19:25,087 --> 00:19:28,796
-- Billiard deficiency?
-- Don't take my word for it!

224
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:32,437
Go and ask your doctor.
I'm just a homespun expert.

225
00:19:32,607 --> 00:19:38,603
-- What the hell's billiard deficiency?
-- There's lots of Latin names for it, Cyril,

226
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:43,761
but it boils down to that run--down feeling
you get when you get up in the morning.

227
00:19:43,927 --> 00:19:45,679
Billiard d--deficiency.

228
00:19:45,847 --> 00:19:51,001
You look in the mirror and suddenly
life seems to be more pockets than balls.

229
00:19:51,727 --> 00:19:56,323
-- Is there anything you can do about it?
-- Funny you should say that.

230
00:19:59,487 --> 00:20:03,002
"Dr Prosser's vitamin supplement"?

231
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:05,522
-- Is it any good?
-- Any good?

232
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:14,603
This has been banned in all those countries
that don't practise self--discipline.

233
00:20:16,047 --> 00:20:19,039
And p--parts of Wales, and all!

234
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:24,441
-- I'll take a bottle.
-- You'll never look back, Cyril.

235
00:20:24,607 --> 00:20:27,405
You won't be able to for the first six weeks!

236
00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:32,800
It gives you a stiff neck if you're not careful.
That's 85p, and £1 for the mirror.

237
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:40,202
-- The mirror?
-- You want to check the flecks in the eyes!

238
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:44,042
Do it privately. If the wife catches you
looking in the house mirrors,

239
00:20:44,207 --> 00:20:47,483
she'll eventually think
you've got another woman!

240
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:53,677
By that time, you should have! She'll put
two and two together and make one....

241
00:20:53,847 --> 00:20:56,441
-- One?
-- One hell of a row!

242
00:20:56,607 --> 00:20:59,041
That's true. That's true!

243
00:21:00,407 --> 00:21:02,159
Thank you, C--Cyril!

244
00:21:09,647 --> 00:21:12,036
H--How are you doing, Granville?

245
00:21:23,767 --> 00:21:26,725
Th--That's too strong!

246
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:32,845
-- I know it's too strong.
-- You wanna cut your mixture down!

247
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:37,000
I don't know whether this is gonna work.

248
00:21:37,167 --> 00:21:41,206
Arkwright's Little Flamers?
Course they're g--going to work.

249
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:44,006
They've lit your cap, haven't they?

250
00:21:51,007 --> 00:21:54,044
You dip your r--rag in your mixture, you see,

251
00:21:54,207 --> 00:21:57,916
and then you p--put the sticks
all round it like that.

252
00:21:58,087 --> 00:22:03,957
Then you've got your firewood on the outside
and this flammable core on the inside.

253
00:22:04,127 --> 00:22:07,005
-- You dropped it.
-- I know I d--dropped it.

254
00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:10,159
I'm just demonstrating. Pick it up.

255
00:22:11,967 --> 00:22:14,959
Hang about. This bit of rag looks familiar.

256
00:22:15,127 --> 00:22:18,597
Of course it is. I've just dropped it on the floor!

257
00:22:18,767 --> 00:22:21,964
It's not... It's me shirt!

258
00:22:23,127 --> 00:22:26,437
It's me sh... Me best disco shirt!

259
00:22:27,687 --> 00:22:29,917
That old s--spotted thing?

260
00:22:30,087 --> 00:22:34,877
Yes, that old spotted... What do you mean,
"old spotted thing"? Oh, look at it now!

261
00:22:35,047 --> 00:22:37,925
It's never looked better, in my opinion!

262
00:22:38,087 --> 00:22:41,557
-- You've never liked it, have you?
-- Course I liked it.

263
00:22:41,727 --> 00:22:45,800
It's just that every time
I read the washing instructions on the back,

264
00:22:45,967 --> 00:22:49,437
I was reminded very keenly
of your poor d--dear mother.

265
00:22:49,607 --> 00:22:52,883
-- What instructions?
-- "No wring" -- she never had one either!

266
00:22:53,047 --> 00:22:58,075
-- It's me best disco shirt!
-- You've never b--been to a disco!

267
00:22:58,247 --> 00:23:01,444
No, but this is the shirt
I would have worn if I had!

268
00:23:01,607 --> 00:23:07,159
-- Any old shirt will do not to go in!
-- But I wanted to not go in this one!

269
00:23:07,327 --> 00:23:11,525
You'll just have to s--stay at home
in something completely different!

270
00:23:11,687 --> 00:23:15,760
-- It never suited you, that sh--shirt.
-- That shirt had real flair.

271
00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:18,919
It's ideal for firelighters, then, isn't it?

272
00:23:19,087 --> 00:23:22,841
Granville, let us just be honest
with one another.

273
00:23:23,007 --> 00:23:27,398
I hate it when you say,
"Granville, let's be honest with one another."

274
00:23:27,567 --> 00:23:31,242
-- Why?
-- Because I know it's gonna cost me money!

275
00:23:31,407 --> 00:23:33,796
Granville, G--Granville.

276
00:23:33,967 --> 00:23:37,676
I'm not too keen
on "Granville, G--Granville" either!

277
00:23:37,847 --> 00:23:40,520
That shirt made you look too Hungarian.

278
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:45,124
So what? You keep telling me
I'm supposed to be half--Hungarian.

279
00:23:45,287 --> 00:23:50,520
It's the bottom half of you that's Hungarian.
That's where the gypsy in you is.

280
00:23:50,687 --> 00:23:54,202
You can't put your shirt
on the bottom half, can you?

281
00:23:54,367 --> 00:23:56,642
Think of the neck hole!

282
00:23:57,527 --> 00:24:00,485
No, you are British from the waist up.

283
00:24:00,647 --> 00:24:04,720
It's only from the waist down
that you are slightly Budapest!

284
00:24:04,887 --> 00:24:07,196
Some sort of a pest, any road!

285
00:24:07,367 --> 00:24:11,883
Consign your shirt to the flames, Granville,
and stick to your firelighters.

286
00:24:12,047 --> 00:24:15,244
There might be something very big for you in it.

287
00:24:15,407 --> 00:24:17,716
Like a bonus?

288
00:24:21,847 --> 00:24:25,999
-- You d--drive a hard bargain, you.
-- Look at the tutor I've had!

289
00:24:26,167 --> 00:24:28,556
Tell you what I'll do.

290
00:24:28,727 --> 00:24:35,075
Every one of your f--firelighters that we use
on our fire, I will let you have at c--cost.

291
00:24:45,447 --> 00:24:48,439
Oh, dear! There we are, Mrs Parsloe.

292
00:24:48,607 --> 00:24:53,681
-- Anything at all for M--Mr Parsloe?
-- Why? He never buys anything for me.

293
00:24:53,847 --> 00:24:57,601
I thought you might surprise him
with something tasty.

294
00:24:57,767 --> 00:25:00,235
I would, if I knew where she lived!

295
00:25:03,647 --> 00:25:06,286
How's that eldest b--boy of yours, then?

296
00:25:06,447 --> 00:25:08,563
-- Getting dafter.
-- Oh, dear.

297
00:25:08,727 --> 00:25:11,366
Thank you, Mrs Parsloe. Call again!

298
00:25:11,527 --> 00:25:13,916
I suppose I shall have to!

299
00:25:14,087 --> 00:25:17,284
-- Afternoon, Mrs Parsloe!
-- Glad you think so!

300
00:25:19,287 --> 00:25:22,279
-- That woman!
-- She's had a hard life.

301
00:25:22,447 --> 00:25:27,521
She was built for it. Specially designed for it!
Imagine how she'd cope with being happy!

302
00:25:27,687 --> 00:25:30,759
Very below average in being happy, my love!

303
00:25:30,927 --> 00:25:32,645
Stay! Sit! Sit!

304
00:25:32,807 --> 00:25:34,126
Sit!

305
00:25:38,487 --> 00:25:40,364
Who was that?

306
00:25:40,527 --> 00:25:44,998
Don't worry. It's a man
whose dog often takes him for a walk!

307
00:25:46,327 --> 00:25:50,036
-- What size dog is it?
-- Dunno. He's n--never got that far in!

308
00:25:51,607 --> 00:25:55,919
-- What if he wants to buy something?
-- You'll see. He'll be back in a minute.

309
00:25:56,087 --> 00:25:58,999
-- Here he comes.
-- Stay! Stay!

310
00:25:59,167 --> 00:26:00,520
Could I...

311
00:26:06,607 --> 00:26:09,758
Watch this next bit. It's good, this.

312
00:26:16,727 --> 00:26:18,843
Could I have...

313
00:26:21,967 --> 00:26:24,925
Well, at least we've got his money!

314
00:26:25,807 --> 00:26:29,356
-- What does he want?
-- A smaller flamin' dog, if you ask me!

315
00:26:29,527 --> 00:26:33,884
-- What does he want to buy?
-- That will become clear in time, my love.

316
00:26:34,047 --> 00:26:35,958
Stay! Stay! Sit!

317
00:26:36,927 --> 00:26:40,124
Could I have a packet of condition powders?

318
00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:45,846
What will he do with it when it gets healthy?

319
00:26:49,647 --> 00:26:54,596
-- Why don't you do something with that till?
-- I know, I'll have to.

320
00:26:54,767 --> 00:26:58,077
One of these days
I'll come in and find you armless.

321
00:26:58,247 --> 00:27:00,681
Which would do us all a favour!

322
00:27:00,847 --> 00:27:05,841
It is on the list of little adjustments
I have to make, second in order of priority.

323
00:27:06,007 --> 00:27:07,565
What's first?

324
00:27:07,727 --> 00:27:10,116
Serves me right for asking.

325
00:27:10,287 --> 00:27:12,596
I know! Now, watch. Here we go.

326
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:18,879
Nice boy! Nice boy! Down! Sit!

327
00:27:19,047 --> 00:27:22,119
-- Ooh! Thank you very much.
-- You're welcome!

328
00:27:22,287 --> 00:27:24,437
Cheeri--ooooo!

329
00:27:27,167 --> 00:27:28,885
Cheeri--ooooo!

330
00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:32,245
He's right at the t--top of the street now.

331
00:27:32,407 --> 00:27:37,162
If he's in that good a condition
it must be him taking the powders!

332
00:27:37,327 --> 00:27:41,320
-- I've forgotten what I came in for now!
-- I know what you want.

333
00:27:41,487 --> 00:27:44,285
The point is, will you let me give it you?

334
00:27:44,447 --> 00:27:48,486
Or, rather, sell it you.
Let's get our p--priorities right!

335
00:27:48,647 --> 00:27:53,482
You are a m--medical person. Would you like
to p--prod me gently to see where it hurts?

336
00:27:53,647 --> 00:27:55,046
-- I wouldn't!
-- (EXPLOSION)

337
00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:59,564
-- What was that?
-- I think our Granville's just gone off!

338
00:28:06,207 --> 00:28:08,596
Oh, my God!

339
00:28:15,487 --> 00:28:17,796
What's he been doing?

340
00:28:17,967 --> 00:28:21,039
He's been making his mixture too strong!

341
00:28:22,687 --> 00:28:27,477
-- What's he had you messing with in there?
-- Yes, nicely, thank you!

342
00:28:28,407 --> 00:28:33,959
I'm telling you it's too strong. And p--put
your cap out when you're talking to people!

343
00:28:37,807 --> 00:28:41,595
<i>I wonder where our Granville gets to</i>
<i>at nights.</i>

344
00:28:41,767 --> 00:28:46,158
<i>Soon as it got near closing time</i>
<i>he was off like a rocket.</i>

345
00:28:47,487 --> 00:28:51,116
<i>That's three times today</i>
<i>he's gone off like a rocket!</i>

346
00:28:52,207 --> 00:28:54,596
<i>You feel such a fool in the shop.</i>

347
00:28:54,767 --> 00:28:59,318
<i>Bang! "Whoops! Excuse me.</i>
<i>I'll just go and put our Granville out. "

348
00:29:00,927 --> 00:29:05,717
<i>There's not a lot of confidence as yet</i>
<i>in Arkwright's Little Flamers.</i>

349
00:29:05,887 --> 00:29:10,836
<i>Pure prejudice.</i>
<i>I've just lit me parlour fire with one.</i>

350
00:29:11,007 --> 00:29:17,276
<i>It'll be all nice and snug in case I can</i>
<i>lure Nurse Gladys back for a milk stout.</i>

351
00:29:20,087 --> 00:29:21,998
<i>Oh, dear!</i>

352
00:29:22,967 --> 00:29:25,959
<i>Bang goes another evening of fun!</i>