1 00:00:26,262 --> 00:00:31,382 -- Last few what at the old price? -- W--Worry about that when we get 'em inside! 2 00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:35,457 -- We need a bigger window, you know. -- What for? 3 00:00:35,622 --> 00:00:40,980 So we can write bigger letters. I doubt if they can read that across the street. 4 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:44,612 All this m--money I'm spending on advertising! 5 00:00:44,782 --> 00:00:47,740 I'm n--not r--r--reaching p--people. 6 00:00:48,342 --> 00:00:52,460 All this money? What money? One little brush and a pot of whitewash! 7 00:01:00,342 --> 00:01:04,733 Do you want to cross the road, love? Off we go! It's all clear. 8 00:02:11,062 --> 00:02:13,940 How about a kiss, then, to start the day right? 9 00:02:18,462 --> 00:02:21,374 It might start your flamin' day right, 10 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,976 but it won't do a lot for me! 11 00:02:24,142 --> 00:02:26,656 I see you've just met Dennis. 12 00:02:26,822 --> 00:02:30,178 That's Dennis. We're training him for a round of his own. 13 00:02:30,342 --> 00:02:32,697 I hope it's not round here! 14 00:02:38,422 --> 00:02:43,542 Thank God it's dark. Suppose somebody had seen me kissing the milkman! 15 00:02:57,502 --> 00:03:01,700 Some of these firms spend a lot of m--money on advertising. 16 00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:06,219 That's it. If it's gonna cost money, that's us finished before we start! 17 00:03:06,382 --> 00:03:08,020 I don't see why. 18 00:03:08,862 --> 00:03:12,616 Huh! What, you -- spend money? 19 00:03:12,782 --> 00:03:17,902 Granville, I am t--talking about advertising. You keep on about s--spending money. 20 00:03:18,062 --> 00:03:20,656 I wish you'd w--watch your language! 21 00:03:20,822 --> 00:03:25,577 I may be old--fashioned, but I hate to hear young people t--talking loosely. 22 00:03:25,742 --> 00:03:29,496 I haven't brought you up to be promiscuous over m--money. 23 00:03:29,662 --> 00:03:32,779 -- True, I'll give you that. -- You've lacked for nothing. 24 00:03:32,942 --> 00:03:34,580 That's right. 25 00:03:34,742 --> 00:03:39,577 That's one thing I haven't lacked -- nothing! I've had plenty of that! 26 00:03:39,742 --> 00:03:43,576 You've always had good food and healthy exercise. 27 00:03:43,742 --> 00:03:47,894 I know. But what about boring? It's often been boring. 28 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:52,613 Well, I should hope so. But look what it's d--done for your complexion! 29 00:03:52,782 --> 00:03:58,539 -- You've got wonderful skin, our Granville. -- I haven't done a lot with it, though. 30 00:03:58,702 --> 00:04:03,537 Skin like that is entirely due to good old--fashioned English b--boredom. 31 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:08,218 We used to be famous for it, a while back, all over Europe. 32 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:12,091 "There go the English," they used to say. "Aren't they boring?" 33 00:04:12,262 --> 00:04:15,493 Mind you, we were always r--respected for it. 34 00:04:15,662 --> 00:04:18,096 Yes, but the world's changed. 35 00:04:18,262 --> 00:04:21,334 And d--don't they know it. Look what they get now abroad. 36 00:04:21,502 --> 00:04:23,811 L--Liverpool supporters! 37 00:04:23,982 --> 00:04:28,692 "A Song For Europe". Surely boring sounds better than that already! 38 00:04:28,862 --> 00:04:31,330 There must be a happy medium. 39 00:04:31,502 --> 00:04:34,653 There was. Your c--cousin Ethel were a medium. 40 00:04:34,822 --> 00:04:39,338 -- I didn't know I had a cousin Ethel. -- She was your mother's cousin. 41 00:04:39,502 --> 00:04:43,859 She used to do seances and the table r--rapping and all that. 42 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:46,217 -- That's where I must get it! -- What? 43 00:04:46,382 --> 00:04:50,694 I sometimes think I get little periods of precognition. 44 00:04:50,862 --> 00:04:55,094 Do you? It's just your plugs oiling up. Don't worry about it. 45 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:58,060 -- I'm being serious. -- So was your cousin Ethel. 46 00:04:58,222 --> 00:05:01,055 Oh, yes. Night after night she used to try. 47 00:05:01,222 --> 00:05:05,534 Then one night, out of the b--blue -- well, out of the b--black, rather, 48 00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:08,262 suddenly there came this kn--knock. 49 00:05:08,422 --> 00:05:11,061 A visitor from the spirit world? 50 00:05:11,222 --> 00:05:14,851 In a way, yes. He was a chap who worked at the off--licence. 51 00:05:17,102 --> 00:05:20,981 He was looking for nice, honest, homely diggings. 52 00:05:21,142 --> 00:05:24,020 -- I don't believe a word of this. -- It's true. 53 00:05:24,182 --> 00:05:27,652 She took him in and soon they knew each other as only people can 54 00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:30,734 who've had a couple of sessions on the Ouija board. 55 00:05:30,902 --> 00:05:34,019 -- (SHOP BELL) -- Someone's trying to get through! 56 00:05:49,342 --> 00:05:51,378 'Ey up! It's Noddy! 57 00:05:52,822 --> 00:05:55,336 Good morning. What can we do for you? 58 00:05:55,502 --> 00:06:00,576 That's what a person my age should be dressed like! Not like this! 59 00:06:00,742 --> 00:06:05,054 Call that dressed? I put more than that on to go to bed in! 60 00:06:05,222 --> 00:06:08,851 Can we help you in any way, or is it t--too late? 61 00:06:09,982 --> 00:06:12,974 Razor--sharp responses, you'll notice. 62 00:06:13,142 --> 00:06:17,055 Still, we shouldn't mock the afflicted. Pity about his eyesight. 63 00:06:17,222 --> 00:06:23,252 There's nothing the matter with his eyes! He's wearing shades 'cause he's cool. 64 00:06:24,742 --> 00:06:28,940 I should think he is cool! His shirt's open to the kneecaps! 65 00:06:29,102 --> 00:06:31,218 We're over here, sir! 66 00:06:31,382 --> 00:06:33,737 He's Mutt and Jeff and all! 67 00:06:35,222 --> 00:06:37,338 -- Here we are, sir. -- Get off! 68 00:06:37,502 --> 00:06:40,858 -- Watch it, creeping up on people! -- (ROCK MUSIC BLARES OUT) 69 00:06:41,022 --> 00:06:45,732 -- Watch it, creeping up on people. -- Could you turn your vacuum cleaner down? 70 00:06:45,902 --> 00:06:48,416 -- What? -- Shouldn't you wear a vest? 71 00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:52,370 -- You what? -- Never mind. Go back to automatic pilot. 72 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:57,938 -- (MUSIC GOES THROUGH HEADPHONES) -- Thank God they've gone! 73 00:06:58,102 --> 00:07:01,014 "Shouldn't he wear a vest"! Huh! 74 00:07:01,182 --> 00:07:05,061 -- Vests are out, man. -- Yours is. I can see it from here. 75 00:07:08,542 --> 00:07:12,091 -- Let me handle this. -- I wish you would, Granville. 76 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:16,731 Hi! Something we can do for you, man? 77 00:07:16,902 --> 00:07:22,181 Don't listen to the golden oldie here. He's, like, from yesterday. 78 00:07:25,022 --> 00:07:28,139 You and me, we know where it's at, right? 79 00:07:28,302 --> 00:07:33,695 By the way, love the open shirt. That's very me, the open shirt. 80 00:07:33,862 --> 00:07:37,980 Soon as I get out of this clobber I'm straight into the open shirt. 81 00:07:38,142 --> 00:07:42,499 I'm well--known round here for it. I'm famous in the chest. 82 00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:46,619 Don't half turn the chicks on, right? 83 00:07:46,782 --> 00:07:50,457 The only snag is if the waistband on your jeans is too tight. 84 00:07:50,622 --> 00:07:53,011 That's what jeans are all about. 85 00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:58,131 If your jeans aren't tight enough, you might as well be dead, right? 86 00:07:58,982 --> 00:08:03,339 Can you repeat all that? I couldn't hear you for the sounds. 87 00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:11,380 I was just saying, like, you know, I dig all your gear. 88 00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:16,332 -- You got any blancmange? -- Yeah, I got two of their LPs. 89 00:08:55,862 --> 00:08:59,059 Life's full of excitement when you're engaged! 90 00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:02,012 Where are you going with that? 91 00:09:02,182 --> 00:09:06,573 The magnificent metal digit is going on the pavement, p--pointing at the shop. 92 00:09:06,742 --> 00:09:10,098 It's the opening salvo in me new advertising c--campaign. 93 00:09:10,262 --> 00:09:14,460 You spare no expense, do you? It's your old ice cream sign! 94 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:18,581 That's just for openers. The hard sell comes later. 95 00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:23,657 -- It's all peeling and rusty. -- Oh, yes. How is your mother this morning? 96 00:09:25,462 --> 00:09:27,930 -- She's wandering. -- Oh, is she? 97 00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:31,333 Perhaps we can get her to wander off completely! 98 00:09:31,502 --> 00:09:35,939 -- This week she thinks it's 1935! -- Oh, dear! Tell you what. 99 00:09:36,102 --> 00:09:39,936 I'll p--pop over tonight. If she catches us cuddling, 100 00:09:40,102 --> 00:09:44,380 -- you can introduce me as Stanley B--Baldwin! -- No, thank you! 101 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:48,820 Play your cards right, I can get you a place on my cabinet! 102 00:09:48,982 --> 00:09:51,177 Or maybe in my sideboard! 103 00:09:51,782 --> 00:09:55,297 I'm going to work. Come over later and I'll get supper. 104 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:58,022 Lovely. I'll b--bring a bottle of wine. 105 00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:02,380 W--Wear something comfy. As we're almost related by marriage, 106 00:10:02,542 --> 00:10:09,539 I think it's time I introduced you to the secret practices of the small shopkeeper! 107 00:10:09,702 --> 00:10:12,580 -- Out of me way! -- Ow! Ooh! 108 00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:18,015 Oh, dear! 109 00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:21,219 Not the easiest place to stick a plaster on! 110 00:10:29,502 --> 00:10:32,494 G--Granville! Fetch your toolbox! 111 00:10:33,302 --> 00:10:34,781 Oh, dear. 112 00:10:47,102 --> 00:10:51,892 Where's y--your vest? What are you doing out without a vest? 113 00:10:52,062 --> 00:10:55,134 Now, don't start. I'm finished with all that clobber. 114 00:10:55,302 --> 00:11:00,660 I'm fed up with pinnies and vests. They can seriously interfere with your social life. 115 00:11:00,822 --> 00:11:07,136 I'll deal with you in a minute when I've f--finished shaping up this sharp fingernail. 116 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,617 Get on out of it! 117 00:11:18,502 --> 00:11:22,859 And d--do your shirt up! You're too short for that sort of thing! 118 00:11:23,022 --> 00:11:27,174 People will mistake you for a very tall man with his flies undone! 119 00:11:32,742 --> 00:11:36,576 I'm sharpening it! I'm supposed to be b--blunting it! 120 00:11:56,502 --> 00:12:01,257 -- C--Cover your chest! -- I prefer to show me dangler. 121 00:12:04,342 --> 00:12:06,173 You wh... You what? 122 00:12:06,342 --> 00:12:10,779 And take them g--glasses off. You look like Secret Squirrel! 123 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:17,102 -- What is that thing, any road? -- It's temporary till I find a proper one. 124 00:12:17,262 --> 00:12:20,732 -- Wh--What is it temporarily? -- It's a cocoa tin lid. 125 00:12:22,982 --> 00:12:25,655 It looks all right from a distance. 126 00:12:25,822 --> 00:12:30,850 Is that what you want the world to say of your dangler? "All right from a distance"? 127 00:12:31,022 --> 00:12:32,501 Dear, dear! 128 00:12:48,262 --> 00:12:49,581 (CLEARS THROAT) 129 00:12:49,742 --> 00:12:52,700 Oh, Granville! 130 00:12:52,862 --> 00:12:54,659 Hello, Julie! 131 00:12:54,822 --> 00:12:56,460 Oh! 132 00:12:57,622 --> 00:13:00,534 Ooh! Hey! 133 00:13:01,502 --> 00:13:06,178 Ooh, what a lovely...cocoa tin lid! 134 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:10,460 It doesn't matter what it is. 135 00:13:10,622 --> 00:13:12,772 It's... It's symbolic. 136 00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:15,376 It's meaningful. 137 00:13:15,542 --> 00:13:20,570 Oh, meaningful. The only thing I know about cocoa is it's very good at bedtime. 138 00:13:20,742 --> 00:13:25,372 -- Language, Julie! -- Morning! Packet of Jelly Tots, please. 139 00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:31,412 I wouldn't stand too near the assistant manager. You might get a nipple in the eye! 140 00:13:33,702 --> 00:13:38,651 -- Doesn't he like you dressed like that? -- I'm not dressed unless I wear a pinny. 141 00:13:38,822 --> 00:13:41,290 I'm not giving in this time. 142 00:13:47,742 --> 00:13:51,291 -- I think you look terrific! -- You do? 143 00:13:53,222 --> 00:13:56,259 -- Thanks! -- Hey! I'm over here! 144 00:14:02,182 --> 00:14:05,379 Really? Do you really think I look terrific? 145 00:14:05,542 --> 00:14:08,932 -- Terrific! -- And this is only just for starters. 146 00:14:09,102 --> 00:14:12,139 -- This is just something I threw on. -- You missed! 147 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,573 You wait! I'm gonna colour the hair. 148 00:14:18,742 --> 00:14:21,654 -- Have a Jelly Tot. -- Thanks. 149 00:14:24,782 --> 00:14:28,218 -- Why are they all black? -- It's your glasses! 150 00:14:28,382 --> 00:14:29,940 Oh, aye! 151 00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:31,701 Thanks. 152 00:14:31,862 --> 00:14:33,659 You've got nice eyelashes. 153 00:14:34,982 --> 00:14:37,860 You've got nice...Jelly Tots. 154 00:14:38,942 --> 00:14:41,695 -- You've got great legs. -- Do you think so? 155 00:14:41,862 --> 00:14:46,492 I've always thought that. I've always thought, "Julie has great legs." 156 00:14:46,662 --> 00:14:48,892 (ARKWRIGHT CLEARS HIS THROAT) 157 00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:52,293 -- What, both of 'em? -- Oh, aye. 158 00:14:53,182 --> 00:14:55,616 Nothing to choose between them! 159 00:14:57,662 --> 00:15:01,177 Then I thought, "Colour the hair, Granville. 160 00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:05,620 -- "Get into colour. Loads of colour." -- They're not really great legs. 161 00:15:05,782 --> 00:15:09,252 Then I thought, "Maybe" -- and I'd appreciate a second opinion -- 162 00:15:09,422 --> 00:15:12,858 "Maybe something plain. Severe, even. 163 00:15:13,022 --> 00:15:18,050 "Something discreet, in the shape of a single earring?" 164 00:15:18,222 --> 00:15:19,940 Oh, yeah! 165 00:15:20,102 --> 00:15:22,696 Yeah. Isn't that lovely? 166 00:15:33,102 --> 00:15:35,093 Oh, d--dear! Look at her! 167 00:15:36,422 --> 00:15:39,812 That's the k--kind of advertising we need! 168 00:15:41,342 --> 00:15:44,493 -- Have you got any copper? -- Oh, yes. 169 00:15:45,502 --> 00:15:47,777 One pound, thank you. 170 00:16:05,062 --> 00:16:07,018 There we are! 171 00:16:07,182 --> 00:16:12,210 I'm making a study of the adverts in these glossy magazines, Granville. 172 00:16:12,382 --> 00:16:14,691 There are two things that stand out. 173 00:16:14,862 --> 00:16:17,934 Her two things c--certainly stand out! 174 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:23,176 But where are we going to get someone like that round here with these qualifications? 175 00:16:23,342 --> 00:16:28,336 No, who would d--dress in a c--costume like that and p--p--pose like that? 176 00:16:28,502 --> 00:16:31,141 -- (TILL BANGS) -- Aghh! 177 00:16:31,302 --> 00:16:33,896 Oh, dear. He'll never get the hang of that! 178 00:16:34,062 --> 00:16:38,613 What we need is someone who's attractive but not too expensive. 179 00:16:38,782 --> 00:16:43,697 Someone who's not too bright but brave enough to be casual about frostbite! 180 00:16:43,862 --> 00:16:46,899 Mr Arkwright, could you come a minute? 181 00:16:47,622 --> 00:16:52,093 Julie! Little Jelly Tot Julie! 182 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:55,777 Miss Arkwright's Stores, 1982! 183 00:16:55,942 --> 00:16:59,457 Ho--ho! Hey, sh--she might even do it for sweets! 184 00:17:10,302 --> 00:17:13,260 Can you... Can you get me out? 185 00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:17,141 What are you doing inside that, Granville? 186 00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:19,896 It's got me by the dangler! 187 00:17:20,982 --> 00:17:23,542 How very inconvenient for you! 188 00:17:23,702 --> 00:17:29,140 I was so busy trying to keep me fingers out of the way, I forgot about me dangler! 189 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:33,531 -- You do, don't you? -- Anything I can do, Mr Arkwright? 190 00:17:33,702 --> 00:17:36,739 Funny you should say that, Jelly...er, Julie. 191 00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:40,975 -- What are you doing? -- I'll be with you in a minute, Granville. 192 00:17:41,142 --> 00:17:44,339 -- Would you mind walking to the door? -- To the door? 193 00:17:44,502 --> 00:17:47,141 -- And back. Good lass. -- Get me out! 194 00:17:47,302 --> 00:17:49,418 With you in a minute, Granville. 195 00:17:49,582 --> 00:17:54,019 What is it? Is me slip showing? I bet there's a hole in me tights! 196 00:17:54,182 --> 00:17:57,333 No, no. Calm down, Julie. Everything's fine. 197 00:17:57,502 --> 00:17:59,891 Well, almost f--f--fine. 198 00:18:00,062 --> 00:18:02,940 Have you ever thought about m--modelling? 199 00:18:03,102 --> 00:18:05,980 Have you ever thought of g--getting me out? 200 00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:08,861 -- Modelling, Mr Arkwright? -- Yes. 201 00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:13,413 -- I don't think I'd be any good. -- Under my supervision and guidance. 202 00:18:13,582 --> 00:18:17,621 -- I were never any good before. -- You've done it before? 203 00:18:17,782 --> 00:18:19,101 Oh. 204 00:18:19,262 --> 00:18:22,413 L--l--I think I should s--say s--straightaway 205 00:18:22,582 --> 00:18:26,370 that I could only offer you a f--fraction of the g--going rate. 206 00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:30,330 I didn't realise you had m--m--m--modelled before. 207 00:18:30,502 --> 00:18:32,697 I'm still here! 208 00:18:33,582 --> 00:18:37,257 -- It's been quite a while. -- My feelings exactly! 209 00:18:38,142 --> 00:18:42,181 I think it were in Standard Four. I made a gnome out of Plasticine. 210 00:18:42,342 --> 00:18:45,175 Ah. No, I didn't mean that. 211 00:18:45,342 --> 00:18:48,812 It was supposed to be a gnome. It looked more like a frog. 212 00:18:48,982 --> 00:18:54,102 When the teacher said, "What's that, Julie?" I said, "Please, miss, it's a frog." 213 00:18:54,262 --> 00:18:59,017 I'm not usually so quick--thinking. She picked it up and said, "It's a frog, is it?" 214 00:18:59,182 --> 00:19:03,016 Then with a snooty expression she said, "It looks like a gnome"! 215 00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:06,021 Yes. 216 00:19:07,622 --> 00:19:11,058 You lost me round about the second frog, Julie. 217 00:19:11,222 --> 00:19:14,498 No, what it is, I want you to model yourself. 218 00:19:14,662 --> 00:19:19,975 I want you to be a model. Consider this while I unravel Gravel...er, Granville. 219 00:19:20,142 --> 00:19:22,212 About time, too. 220 00:19:22,382 --> 00:19:27,740 How would you feel about being Little Miss Arkwright's Stores, 1982? 221 00:19:27,902 --> 00:19:29,574 No, thank you. 222 00:19:29,742 --> 00:19:33,018 I've only got out of me pinny. I'm not putting a dress on! 223 00:19:33,182 --> 00:19:36,254 Not you, you clown! I'm talking to Julie. 224 00:19:36,422 --> 00:19:39,937 Little Miss Arkwright's Stores, 1982? 225 00:19:40,102 --> 00:19:44,175 A central figure in our advertising c--campaign. 226 00:19:44,342 --> 00:19:48,381 -- Really? -- Could somebody get me out of here! 227 00:19:48,542 --> 00:19:52,330 Quiet! You're very noisy since you left your vest off! 228 00:19:52,502 --> 00:19:57,622 -- Just get me out! -- It's like a loudspeaker in the shop! 229 00:19:57,782 --> 00:19:59,420 Ah! 230 00:19:59,582 --> 00:20:00,981 That's it! 231 00:20:03,862 --> 00:20:08,936 That's it! A loudspeaker in the shop! Just like they have in supermarkets. 232 00:20:09,102 --> 00:20:13,380 -- Where are you going? -- With regular announcements to customers. 233 00:20:13,542 --> 00:20:17,615 A speaker pointing that way so it'll reach the people in the street. 234 00:20:17,782 --> 00:20:21,616 Where's he going? Come back. Don't leave me here. 235 00:20:21,782 --> 00:20:23,977 Look, don't... Will you... Don't! 236 00:20:26,262 --> 00:20:28,253 Aghh! Don't leave me! 237 00:20:33,222 --> 00:20:36,339 Granville, get me that yellow screwdriver. 238 00:20:46,702 --> 00:20:50,297 Don't worry about it. It's only been two or three days. 239 00:20:50,462 --> 00:20:53,181 You'll be walking fine in a couple of years. 240 00:20:53,342 --> 00:20:56,061 Don't know what took you so long to get me out. 241 00:20:56,222 --> 00:21:00,932 I've got a business to run. I can't afford to spend time opening errand boys! 242 00:21:01,102 --> 00:21:03,411 (GRANVILLE GROANS) 243 00:21:03,582 --> 00:21:07,131 There you are. Think where your trendiness has got you. 244 00:21:07,302 --> 00:21:11,261 I brought you up to be a normal lad and suddenly you go bent. 245 00:21:12,782 --> 00:21:15,615 I know you're trying to talk me out of it. 246 00:21:15,782 --> 00:21:18,376 I'm not going to be talked... Ow! 247 00:21:18,542 --> 00:21:24,060 Granville, far be it for me to try to influence a h--hunchback. Come on. 248 00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:35,932 There she goes, the grocer's delight! 249 00:21:36,102 --> 00:21:40,220 -- Granville, have you got that mike fixed up? -- Just a minute. 250 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:44,694 The nurse is there. I want to catch her before she goes in. I've got an idea. 251 00:21:44,862 --> 00:21:47,171 -- Come on. -- Here you are. 252 00:21:48,942 --> 00:21:51,775 Thank you, Igor, my faithful servant. 253 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:58,056 This is what I'm going to say. "Hello, sh--sh... Hello, sh--sh... Hello, folks! 254 00:21:59,742 --> 00:22:04,020 "This is Ark--Ark--Ark... This is Ark... This is Ark--Ark..." 255 00:22:04,182 --> 00:22:08,698 I don't think I'd b--better do this, Granville. Did you notice a little s--stammer? 256 00:22:10,102 --> 00:22:14,653 Nothing worth talking about, no. But you'd better let me do it, just in case. 257 00:22:14,822 --> 00:22:17,461 You look more like a duck's jockey. 258 00:22:17,622 --> 00:22:20,182 Disc jockey! Disc jockey! 259 00:22:20,342 --> 00:22:23,493 In my case, a slipped disc jockey! 260 00:22:23,662 --> 00:22:27,575 Don't worry. Listen, don't start it off till I give you the signal. 261 00:22:27,742 --> 00:22:31,496 I'm going out to give her a hand. Then when I stamp me foot, 262 00:22:31,662 --> 00:22:34,779 you switch on and give her a ch--cheery good morning 263 00:22:34,942 --> 00:22:37,581 from Ark--Ark--Ark... Ark--Ark--Ark... 264 00:22:37,742 --> 00:22:39,812 -- From Tesco's. -- No! 265 00:22:52,102 --> 00:22:57,176 Don't you start prodding me about! You make me drop this lot, I'll crown you! 266 00:22:57,342 --> 00:23:00,732 That's a strange way to talk to a clergyman. 267 00:23:00,902 --> 00:23:03,211 Oh, I'm so sorry! 268 00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:07,414 You saline drip! I knew it was you! 269 00:23:07,582 --> 00:23:10,301 Can I give you a hand, my love? 270 00:23:10,462 --> 00:23:15,013 Depends where you're gonna give it to me. I've still got bruises from last time! 271 00:23:15,182 --> 00:23:19,300 -- You could open me front door. -- That's the best offer I've had all week! 272 00:23:19,462 --> 00:23:21,532 -- Key in the top pocket? -- No! 273 00:23:21,702 --> 00:23:24,262 I was afraid it wouldn't be! 274 00:23:34,422 --> 00:23:36,413 Out of me way, you! 275 00:23:36,582 --> 00:23:39,619 I need both hands free before I squeeze past you! 276 00:23:39,782 --> 00:23:43,218 Anything you say, my state--registered scrumptious! 277 00:23:43,382 --> 00:23:47,455 I want nothing to diminish your appreciation of this moment. 278 00:23:47,622 --> 00:23:52,173 In future, every time you come home you will receive the grocer's equivalent 279 00:23:52,342 --> 00:23:56,096 -- of the 21--gun salute. -- I don't know what you're rambling about. 280 00:23:56,902 --> 00:23:59,018 Just w--wait for it! 281 00:24:00,302 --> 00:24:02,532 (STAMPS FOOT) 282 00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:08,659 (STAMPS FOOT) 283 00:24:12,502 --> 00:24:15,619 (HIGH--PITCHED FEEDBACK) 284 00:24:15,782 --> 00:24:19,331 You did that on purpose, you great... 285 00:24:19,502 --> 00:24:21,538 Get out! 286 00:24:47,342 --> 00:24:50,334 -- Hello, Granville. -- Oh, it's you, Julie! 287 00:25:07,942 --> 00:25:12,220 Hey, d--don't hang about there! There's work to be done! 288 00:25:12,382 --> 00:25:16,295 One minute he were upright, the next, his legs were all over the place! 289 00:25:16,462 --> 00:25:18,817 His mother was very similar. 290 00:25:28,462 --> 00:25:31,340 Are you gonna start d--dressing properly again? 291 00:25:31,502 --> 00:25:34,812 Yes, I will. I'll start dressing properly again. 292 00:25:43,702 --> 00:25:45,932 Don't pull it! 293 00:25:50,062 --> 00:25:52,292 Hey, don't pull 'em! 294 00:25:58,142 --> 00:26:00,861 Where's... Where's me dangler? 295 00:26:01,022 --> 00:26:05,061 What kind of a question is that to ask a f--furry fairy? 296 00:26:09,622 --> 00:26:14,377 (ARKWRIGHT) Shall I put another lump of coal on the fire, my love? It's going out. 297 00:26:14,542 --> 00:26:16,533 (GLADYS) So will you be in a minute! 298 00:26:16,702 --> 00:26:20,900 I'll just finish this delicious cup of cocoa and then I'll be off. 299 00:26:21,062 --> 00:26:23,530 How dare you? That's coffee! 300 00:26:23,702 --> 00:26:26,819 I should have known. It's so like you. 301 00:26:26,982 --> 00:26:31,931 Full--bodied, indefinable, d--deep, with t--two lumps! 302 00:26:33,902 --> 00:26:36,370 All right, you old fool! Don't start. 303 00:26:36,542 --> 00:26:40,501 Drink up. It's time you were off. It's been a tiring day. 304 00:26:40,662 --> 00:26:46,020 Eventful, certainly. Little J--Julie's costume caused quite a stir, didn't it? 305 00:26:46,182 --> 00:26:49,219 Have you ever thought of taking up skating? 306 00:26:49,382 --> 00:26:50,861 Me?! Why? 307 00:26:51,022 --> 00:26:55,618 -- I've just opened a rink in my bedroom! -- It's cold enough up there! 308 00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:59,616 I might buy you one of them little skirts as a birthday present. 309 00:26:59,782 --> 00:27:03,661 Oh! You don't usually buy me anything for me birthday! 310 00:27:03,822 --> 00:27:08,498 No, I'm talking about MY birthday! I'm the one's gonna enjoy it! 311 00:27:08,662 --> 00:27:12,814 -- It'd make a nice change for your bottom... -- Leave my bottom out of this! 312 00:27:12,982 --> 00:27:16,611 Bottom drawer! I wish you'd let me finish! 313 00:27:16,782 --> 00:27:19,933 A skate--registered nurse! I like that! 314 00:27:20,102 --> 00:27:22,093 -- (PIERCING SQUEAK) -- What's that? 315 00:27:26,902 --> 00:27:31,259 (JULIE) They're not really great legs, Granville. 316 00:27:32,742 --> 00:27:35,336 (GRANVILLE) Oooh! 317 00:27:36,702 --> 00:27:39,341 Especially this one here. 318 00:27:40,462 --> 00:27:45,013 Mind you, that one over there's nice as well! 319 00:27:45,182 --> 00:27:47,855 Oh, Granville! 320 00:27:48,022 --> 00:27:50,490 Oh, Julie! 321 00:27:50,662 --> 00:27:52,892 Oh, thump! 322 00:27:53,062 --> 00:27:55,292 I'll have to go! 323 00:28:00,462 --> 00:28:03,056 I was in with a chance tonight! 324 00:28:03,222 --> 00:28:05,975 I'll murder that Granville! 325 00:28:06,662 --> 00:28:11,861 Maybe tomorrow I'll manage to get me legs either side of her fireplace! 326 00:28:13,062 --> 00:28:16,054 Nice bottle of sherry should do the trick! 327 00:28:16,222 --> 00:28:21,216 None of that cheap muck, mind! The real genuine stuff from Cyprus. 328 00:28:22,462 --> 00:28:25,693 Only the second best is good enough for her! 329 00:28:28,382 --> 00:28:33,376 I'll have to forget all this high--speed advertising. I'm not built for it. 330 00:28:33,542 --> 00:28:36,534 I'm a workhorse, not a racehorse! 331 00:28:36,702 --> 00:28:39,694 At least Granville's back in his pinny! 332 00:28:40,702 --> 00:28:44,297 We'll just have to carry on staying open all hours!