1
00:00:24,407 --> 00:00:26,125
(BELL TINKLING)

2
00:00:32,167 --> 00:00:36,240
That reminds me, G-Granville,
I must reorder them b-bottled plums.

3
00:00:37,607 --> 00:00:40,246
They're going very well at the moment.

4
00:00:41,327 --> 00:00:43,318
V-Victoria's, aren't they?

5
00:00:45,247 --> 00:00:47,158
No, they're Stephanie's.

6
00:01:04,727 --> 00:01:06,479
Blow main ballasts.

7
00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:08,086
(WHOOSHING)

8
00:01:10,407 --> 00:01:12,159
Up periscope.

9
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:18,404
''Steer 094.''
''094, sir!''

10
00:01:19,487 --> 00:01:21,876
Okay, make a signal to the fleet.

11
00:01:22,527 --> 00:01:25,803
Am progressing against impossible odds. Stop.

12
00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:29,960
Wounds terrible, but still photogenic. Stop.

13
00:01:31,087 --> 00:01:33,237
I'm engaging the enemy. Stop.

14
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,763
Love to Lady Amanda. Stop. All right.

15
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,326
Dive! Dive! Dive!

16
00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:40,523
(MIMICKING ALARM BLARING)

17
00:01:42,407 --> 00:01:44,762
I think they're firing depth charges at us, sir.

18
00:01:51,207 --> 00:01:53,596
Excuse me, Commander.

19
00:01:53,687 --> 00:01:56,759
Have you finished stacking them tomatoes? Stop.

20
00:01:57,927 --> 00:02:02,318
It's not quite what I had in mind, you know,
for the first volume of me life story.

21
00:02:02,407 --> 00:02:04,238
''Tomato Stacker.''

22
00:02:05,087 --> 00:02:07,840
No. It's gonna be really nice that is, isn't it?

23
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:11,806
There'll be me standing there,
in me white tuxedo with a red rose in my lapel,

24
00:02:11,887 --> 00:02:15,766
I'll be swanning into the casino at Monte
and there'll be this hush,

25
00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:19,157
and a whisper will be running
around the great salon.

26
00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:23,206
<i>''Mon Dieu!</i>That is him. That is Granville.
He's a tomato stacker!''

27
00:02:24,527 --> 00:02:26,518
Would you rather it was cheese biscuits?

28
00:02:26,607 --> 00:02:29,326
Would you rather be a c-creamcracker stacker?

29
00:02:30,487 --> 00:02:34,526
Youth is passing me by.
Life keeps poking me with its finger.

30
00:02:34,607 --> 00:02:37,280
Yes, your mother had the same problem.

31
00:02:37,727 --> 00:02:42,482
Reminding me, ''Granville, that is not
the pullover of a hunter-killer.''

32
00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:46,084
That hunter-killer pullover was knitted for you,

33
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:49,045
v-very reasonable, by Mrs Tattersall.

34
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:52,597
She was a compulsive knitter,
w-was Mrs Tattersall.

35
00:02:52,687 --> 00:02:56,316
Her fingers used to move
like a f-flock of sparrows.

36
00:02:56,407 --> 00:03:00,525
Must have bestowed untold b-benefits
on Mr Tattersall.

37
00:03:01,687 --> 00:03:06,442
He was never without a smug air
of satisfaction in his warm woolly jumpers.

38
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:11,437
Admit it. These are not the trousers
of an ace of the space race.

39
00:03:11,527 --> 00:03:13,404
No, and you keep them that way.

40
00:03:13,487 --> 00:03:17,116
I don't want anyone
racing for the space in your trousers.

41
00:03:18,447 --> 00:03:20,483
I just look uncombed.

42
00:03:20,927 --> 00:03:24,681
Not my hair, it's the rest of me
that looks like it's just rolled out of bed.

43
00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:29,045
-I'm just not streamlined.
-Well, you're not wearing your cycle clips.

44
00:03:30,407 --> 00:03:33,001
I've got the drag factor of a bingo hall.

45
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,318
Yes, there's a lot being dragged round
the back of that bingo hall.

46
00:03:36,407 --> 00:03:38,557
I'm supposed to be an executive.

47
00:03:38,647 --> 00:03:41,241
I've told a certain young lady
that I am an executive.

48
00:03:41,327 --> 00:03:44,239
If she's so certain,
why are you giving her a pack of lies?

49
00:03:44,327 --> 00:03:47,524
It's not a pack of lies.
You said I was Under Manager.

50
00:03:47,607 --> 00:03:51,395
You know when I asked for that raise,
you said instead I could be Under Manager.

51
00:03:51,487 --> 00:03:53,876
Well, you are. Well under.

52
00:03:56,847 --> 00:04:00,999
If I'm supposed to be an executive,
I should dress like an executive.

53
00:04:01,087 --> 00:04:02,156
(BELL TINKLING)

54
00:04:02,247 --> 00:04:06,399
Never mind being so Hungarian and bolshie.
Go and answer that bell.

55
00:04:06,487 --> 00:04:10,036
-What's bolshie?
-Bolshie is short for Bolshevik.

56
00:04:11,287 --> 00:04:14,882
-What's Bolshevik?
-Bolshevik is Russian for Hungarian.

57
00:04:14,967 --> 00:04:16,639
Now g-get on with it.

58
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:34,646
G-Good morning.

59
00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:39,883
Oh, it's Dusty Bin.

60
00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:46,604
Good day to you, sir, and a very good day it is.

61
00:04:48,407 --> 00:04:51,877
How can you s-sell them things
if they w-won't stand still?

62
00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:56,719
You are, I take it, the proprietor
of this thriving establishment?

63
00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,160
Well, I....

64
00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:03,044
He's g-gone again.
I hope he's n-not selling yo-yos.

65
00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:12,600
Got him.

66
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:16,563
-My card, sir.
-Oh, yes.

67
00:05:17,767 --> 00:05:20,998
Well, it's obvious that this is
a very thriving establishment.

68
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:25,365
But are you sure there isn't something
you've not yet caught up with?

69
00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:26,880
Something....

70
00:05:27,647 --> 00:05:29,638
Something which, with constant use,

71
00:05:29,727 --> 00:05:32,878
could transform your shopkeeper's life

72
00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:36,482
and give you that confidence that comes from
always being on top of things.

73
00:05:36,567 --> 00:05:39,001
Oh, y-yes. There is. Yes!

74
00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:42,159
Lives across the road.
It's called Gladys Emmanuel.

75
00:05:43,607 --> 00:05:46,963
Have you tried what's available these days
in the latest technology?

76
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:51,086
I don't think that's a question
one gentleman ought to ask another, really.

77
00:05:53,167 --> 00:05:58,002
Have you tried this superb, super little cleaner?

78
00:05:58,087 --> 00:06:03,002
Little? That? In any c-communist country,
three families would be living in that.

79
00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:06,844
Oh, come, sir.
When you consider the power that that produces,

80
00:06:06,927 --> 00:06:09,236
that is a marvel of miniaturisation.

81
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:12,603
Yes, that's what they said
about my little Uncle Dudley, you know.

82
00:06:12,687 --> 00:06:15,679
Didn't stop him s-slipping down a drain, did it?

83
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:19,521
That is a by-product of the American moon project.

84
00:06:19,607 --> 00:06:23,600
Now j-just a minute, sir.
Since when has it been an American moon?

85
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:26,440
What part of the w-world are you f-from?

86
00:06:26,927 --> 00:06:30,124
-Attercliffe.
-Attercliffe? That explains it, doesn't it?

87
00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:32,357
In this particular little backwater, sir,

88
00:06:32,447 --> 00:06:35,405
it happens to still be known as a Yorkshire moon.

89
00:06:35,527 --> 00:06:38,325
People set their b-black puddings by it.

90
00:06:39,527 --> 00:06:44,317
Unmarried maidens dance by the light of it
in c-clogs and shawls.

91
00:06:44,407 --> 00:06:46,682
Whippets turn unaccountably restless.

92
00:06:46,767 --> 00:06:48,041
What?

93
00:06:48,127 --> 00:06:50,800
Maidens still wearing clogs and shawls?
Come off it.

94
00:06:50,887 --> 00:06:54,436
Oh, yes, c-clogs and shawls can still be found.

95
00:06:54,527 --> 00:06:57,837
It's the maidens that are getting
a bit thin on the ground.

96
00:06:57,927 --> 00:06:59,918
Or rather, plump on the ground.

97
00:07:00,007 --> 00:07:02,601
We are an area heavy in c-calories, you see.

98
00:07:02,687 --> 00:07:06,202
Mainly on account of
our d-delicious l-local products.

99
00:07:06,287 --> 00:07:10,644
Now, for instance, have you ever tried
one of these wonderful pur-pork p-pies?

100
00:07:10,727 --> 00:07:14,436
All that is not p-pie is p-p-p-pork.

101
00:07:14,527 --> 00:07:18,440
And all that is not p-p-p-pork is p-p-pie.

102
00:07:18,527 --> 00:07:22,122
So that's fer-fer-fifty percent p-p-p-pork

103
00:07:22,207 --> 00:07:24,926
and fer-fer-fer.... And fer-fer-fer....

104
00:07:25,007 --> 00:07:27,202
Well, you can work it out for yourself.

105
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:30,200
-Delicious, I'm sure.
-Yes.

106
00:07:30,287 --> 00:07:33,962
But have you ever considered the Victor Vac?

107
00:07:34,047 --> 00:07:36,402
The super all-purpose commercial cleaner.

108
00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:39,923
He comes in here and tries to sell to me!

109
00:07:40,007 --> 00:07:41,565
Yes, I do, sir!

110
00:07:41,647 --> 00:07:45,117
I intend to sell you
one of these truly remarkable machines.

111
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:50,757
All right, then. Go on, then. Have a go.
I l-like a challenge.

112
00:07:50,847 --> 00:07:54,237
But before we start, 73p for the pie.

113
00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:59,761
Thank you. I'll just wrap it for you.

114
00:08:27,647 --> 00:08:29,365
How do, Granville.

115
00:08:31,327 --> 00:08:33,716
I thought you were an executive.

116
00:08:33,807 --> 00:08:35,957
Well, you told me you were an executive.

117
00:08:36,887 --> 00:08:39,037
I am! I am an executive!

118
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,760
Honestly, Stephanie, I am an executive!

119
00:08:42,847 --> 00:08:46,203
I'm just road-testing
the shop bike for my assistant.

120
00:08:56,367 --> 00:08:58,927
Who was that wiggle that just went past?

121
00:08:59,447 --> 00:09:01,358
Stephanie with a ''ph''.

122
00:09:02,007 --> 00:09:05,397
With a ''ph'', eh? Yes, I can see it from here.

123
00:09:06,607 --> 00:09:09,485
She just moved here. She works in the boutique.

124
00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:11,997
Music all day...

125
00:09:12,087 --> 00:09:14,965
and miniskirts as far as the eye can reach.

126
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:19,999
It's all I've ever wanted, you know,
for Christmas was a Stephanie with a ''ph''.

127
00:09:20,487 --> 00:09:24,685
-You'll get one one of these days.
-What, dressed like this?

128
00:09:25,527 --> 00:09:29,156
-You'll get a nice girl.
-That's what I'm afraid of.

129
00:09:29,247 --> 00:09:31,761
That's all I'm fit for, dressed like this.

130
00:09:46,247 --> 00:09:49,319
W-What's that errand boy
d-doing down your blouse?

131
00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:54,124
Come on, Granville, out of the undergrowth! Go on!

132
00:09:55,527 --> 00:09:58,405
It's time you bought that lad some decent clothes.

133
00:09:58,487 --> 00:10:03,163
-He looked p-pretty well wrapped up to me.
-There's a girl he wants to impress.

134
00:10:03,247 --> 00:10:07,081
It's what he was impressing j-just now
I'm w-worried about.

135
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:11,126
Hey! I-If you want to keep your ears warm,
get a muffler!

136
00:10:11,807 --> 00:10:14,844
Stop shouting in the street. You're like a big girl.

137
00:10:14,967 --> 00:10:19,995
You can talk.
This is a t-time of high t-t-tension for me.

138
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:23,796
I'm in there locked in mortal combat
with the ace salesman

139
00:10:23,887 --> 00:10:27,357
of the V-Victor Vac super
all-purpose c-commercial cleaner.

140
00:10:27,447 --> 00:10:29,119
Well, I wish him luck.

141
00:10:29,207 --> 00:10:32,756
If he's trying to sell you something,
you've got to admire his recklessness.

142
00:10:32,847 --> 00:10:34,963
He's hot stuff, is him.

143
00:10:35,047 --> 00:10:37,800
It's no time for me to be l-looking out the window

144
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:41,243
and seeing my fiancée
covered in s-sticky errand boy.

145
00:10:41,327 --> 00:10:42,919
I'm going to work.

146
00:10:43,007 --> 00:10:46,363
I haven't time to be standing here
with middle-aged gropers.

147
00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:49,644
Grocers. How's that for a Freudian slip?

148
00:10:50,807 --> 00:10:54,800
-I'll be over later f-for a bit of supper.
-You might be lucky.

149
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:58,277
Oh, good!
Then afterwards we can have a bit of supper.

150
00:11:19,727 --> 00:11:21,604
(CAR HORN BLARING)

151
00:13:27,567 --> 00:13:31,003
-Will there be anything more, Mrs B-Bickerdyke?
-No, that's all, thank you.

152
00:13:31,087 --> 00:13:34,045
That'll be £3.78, please.

153
00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:38,605
-How's M-Mr Bickerdyke?
-Oh, about the same. Stupid.

154
00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:43,477
Yes, well it's nice to know
some things d-don't change, isn't it? Ta.

155
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:45,598
And how's your Granville?

156
00:13:45,687 --> 00:13:47,996
Oh, we all have our problems.

157
00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:51,246
Sometimes there's a wild look in his eyes.

158
00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:54,797
I told him, I b-blame them jockey shorts,
you know.

159
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:59,239
I've said to him they're all right f-for jockeys.

160
00:13:59,327 --> 00:14:03,718
He's at a funny age.
I had nothing but trouble with mine at that age.

161
00:14:03,807 --> 00:14:06,719
I had nothing but trouble with yours at that age.

162
00:14:08,007 --> 00:14:10,396
They used to do it in my d-doorway.

163
00:14:10,487 --> 00:14:13,081
-Do what?
-Whatever it is they were d-d-doing.

164
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:17,957
I used to find f-fag ends and toffee pur-papers

165
00:14:18,047 --> 00:14:21,835
and discarded bits of underclothing, canary seed.

166
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:24,236
Makes you think, does c-canary seed.

167
00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:28,161
I used to say to him,
''Hit them! You're their father, hit them!''

168
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:30,477
He were too damned idle.

169
00:14:30,567 --> 00:14:34,685
If we'd had only three or four,
it might have been different. But seven?

170
00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:38,760
He used to say, ''Who the hell's
got time to go round hitting seven?''

171
00:14:38,847 --> 00:14:42,999
-He never really put his back into anything.
-Oh, I wouldn't s-say that.

172
00:14:43,887 --> 00:14:45,286
With s-seven children.

173
00:14:46,207 --> 00:14:49,040
All right. You don't want the Victor Vac.

174
00:14:49,487 --> 00:14:51,842
But you are going to fall for this little beauty.

175
00:14:51,927 --> 00:14:54,885
-Is that him?
-Yes, he's in and out of here a lot of times.

176
00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:57,322
He buys a lot of groceries, actually.

177
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,837
An air humidifier!

178
00:15:01,927 --> 00:15:05,966
Every shopkeeper's premises
needs the benefits of an efficient air humidifier.

179
00:15:06,047 --> 00:15:07,719
And this is a little cracker.

180
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:11,482
And I'm the ace salesman of the Victor Vac
company who's going to convince you.

181
00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:16,038
Well, don't stand there with the door open.
Bring in your air humidifier.

182
00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:17,799
You're c-causing a draught.

183
00:15:58,967 --> 00:15:59,956
Oh!

184
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,879
Hello, old thing.

185
00:16:03,887 --> 00:16:05,479
Must dash.

186
00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:11,759
Granville?

187
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:18,919
-I shouldn't have believed it were you.
-Oh, aye. It is me all right.

188
00:16:19,407 --> 00:16:22,399
Just trotting back from an executive meeting.

189
00:16:22,727 --> 00:16:26,766
-God, these interminable meetings.
-Is that your old bike?

190
00:16:28,807 --> 00:16:30,525
My old bike?

191
00:16:30,607 --> 00:16:34,680
What would I be doing
with an old thing like that, eh?

192
00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:39,406
Well, er...

193
00:16:39,487 --> 00:16:42,001
what are you doing around here, then?

194
00:16:43,607 --> 00:16:45,518
I'm waiting for a taxi.

195
00:16:46,007 --> 00:16:49,522
Yes, it's unbelievable,
the trouble one has to go to...

196
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:51,916
Taxi!
...find a cab.

197
00:16:52,007 --> 00:16:54,567
I suppose you must find the same.

198
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:58,640
Yes, in my experience,
you can never find a cab in this town.

199
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,638
(CAR HORN HONKING)

200
00:17:02,487 --> 00:17:04,318
Oh, look. There's one.

201
00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:06,679
Good heavens.

202
00:17:08,087 --> 00:17:11,762
-Don't look very safe to me.
-Looks all right to me.

203
00:17:15,607 --> 00:17:16,881
Oh, well.

204
00:17:18,127 --> 00:17:19,480
Must push.

205
00:17:26,887 --> 00:17:29,720
Arkwright's Executive Stores.

206
00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:32,244
I'll show you the way.

207
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:51,406
You work your tongue to the bone.
I should have stayed in bed.

208
00:17:57,727 --> 00:18:01,640
I'm up at 7:00, shaving.
Clean shirt every morning.

209
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:04,878
Shoes polished.

210
00:18:14,807 --> 00:18:17,002
Clean hanky in me top pocket.

211
00:18:20,047 --> 00:18:22,686
Diploma from the College of Salesmanship.

212
00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:30,440
And then you meet
some rock-hard pillock like that!

213
00:18:37,927 --> 00:18:40,122
(ARKWRIGHT AND GLADYS EXCLAIMING)

214
00:18:40,807 --> 00:18:43,765
-You get worse!
-I don't get anything.

215
00:18:45,127 --> 00:18:48,358
I v-very rarely get past evil intentions, do I?

216
00:18:48,447 --> 00:18:52,486
Supposing someone were to come in
and find you rolling me about behind the counter.

217
00:18:52,567 --> 00:18:54,364
Well, why not? I should think

218
00:18:54,447 --> 00:18:58,963
things have come to a p-pretty pass
if a tobacconist c-can't roll his own.

219
00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:04,120
Anyway, you're a m-medical person.
We can say it was an emergency.

220
00:19:04,207 --> 00:19:06,437
It damn near was an emergency.

221
00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:09,159
Well, well.

222
00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:11,920
Casanova, you're just about to get
your comeuppance.

223
00:19:12,007 --> 00:19:14,202
-What?
-Here comes your other woman.

224
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:16,798
What, t-t-the Black Widow?

225
00:19:16,887 --> 00:19:19,560
She's not c-coming her uppance in here!

226
00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:21,605
Hide me.

227
00:19:23,007 --> 00:19:25,123
Oh. Not alone, Arkwright?

228
00:19:27,407 --> 00:19:30,763
-You're a hard man to catch alone.
-I'm just going.

229
00:19:30,847 --> 00:19:34,476
Yes. She's just going
after she's had a look at m-my leg.

230
00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:37,320
-What's wrong with your leg?
-I've got this horrible leg.

231
00:19:37,407 --> 00:19:39,841
And numerous matching accessories.

232
00:19:40,487 --> 00:19:43,638
I always thought you seemed very fit for your age.

233
00:19:43,727 --> 00:19:48,243
No, it's j-just a bluff that.
I t-try to put a good face on things.

234
00:19:48,327 --> 00:19:51,080
I can't believe you're unsound fundamentally.

235
00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:55,365
Well, no, maybe not f-fundamentally, no.
Me fundament's fine.

236
00:19:56,287 --> 00:19:59,006
Always struck me as a tower of economy.

237
00:19:59,087 --> 00:20:01,840
Such a powerful grip on life and money.

238
00:20:01,927 --> 00:20:05,124
I've always held you up
as an example to the entire area.

239
00:20:05,207 --> 00:20:09,200
Say whatever you like about Arkwright,
but there's nobody to hold a candle to him

240
00:20:09,287 --> 00:20:11,164
when it comes to being mean.

241
00:20:11,247 --> 00:20:14,000
-You've noticed.
-Me-me-mean?

242
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:17,204
Why don't you look for someone of similar tastes

243
00:20:17,287 --> 00:20:21,246
who could devote her entire life
to the welfare of your bad leg?

244
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:25,475
-I'm off. Watch your blood pressure.
-D-Don't off! Don't!

245
00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:27,444
And mind your bad leg.

246
00:20:28,847 --> 00:20:32,886
No, I-I'm a spendthrift. I'm r-reckless with money!

247
00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:35,845
I'm known as the p-playboy
of the grocers' federation!

248
00:20:35,927 --> 00:20:40,045
-Not you, never you.
-I-I've been a centrefold twice.

249
00:20:40,127 --> 00:20:44,279
Yes, P-Playgrocer of the Month I was.
On a bed of lettuce, like that.

250
00:20:46,207 --> 00:20:50,325
-Could I have £2 for a taxi?
-£2?

251
00:20:50,407 --> 00:20:52,284
£2 for a taxi?

252
00:20:52,887 --> 00:20:55,401
Yes, why not? Help yourself.

253
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:58,160
Help yourself from the till, lad, go on.

254
00:20:58,687 --> 00:21:00,678
Good day to you, Mrs Featherstone.

255
00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:03,645
You're not sending
your errand boys by taxi now, are you?

256
00:21:03,727 --> 00:21:05,524
Yes, why not?

257
00:21:06,447 --> 00:21:08,005
It's only money!

258
00:21:08,087 --> 00:21:12,797
-I never thought I'd live to see the day.
-There you are, then, you see.

259
00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:15,401
Easy come, easy go.

260
00:21:18,807 --> 00:21:22,482
I'm wasting my time in here,
you're obviously not yourself.

261
00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:27,322
You're obviously going through
some male middle-aged cash flow crisis

262
00:21:27,407 --> 00:21:30,126
which has temporarily turned your head.

263
00:21:30,287 --> 00:21:33,165
I'll come back when your sanity's returned.

264
00:21:35,327 --> 00:21:37,602
Why are you dressing him like an executive?

265
00:21:37,687 --> 00:21:40,121
I'm going to execute him in the morning.

266
00:21:42,247 --> 00:21:43,726
A t-taxi?

267
00:21:44,327 --> 00:21:46,477
He's wearing a-a bowler hat!

268
00:21:47,047 --> 00:21:48,844
I'll kill him!

269
00:21:50,207 --> 00:21:52,437
If that doesn't kill me first.

270
00:21:55,127 --> 00:21:57,277
He said, ''What about the tip?''

271
00:21:59,647 --> 00:22:01,239
Tip?

272
00:22:01,327 --> 00:22:04,478
If he wants a tip, send him i-in here.

273
00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:07,445
We'll give him t-the tip of your umbrella!

274
00:22:19,287 --> 00:22:21,517
-Good evening.
-Good evening, y-young missy.

275
00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:25,122
You didn't see a lad w-wearing a funny hat
and riding a bike, did you?

276
00:22:25,207 --> 00:22:27,641
-No, I don't think so.
-No, never mind.

277
00:22:27,727 --> 00:22:29,763
What can I help you to spend?

278
00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:32,759
Well, actually, I'd like to see your superior.

279
00:22:32,847 --> 00:22:34,519
M-My superior?

280
00:22:36,007 --> 00:22:38,840
M-My superior what? I'm spoilt for choice.

281
00:22:40,327 --> 00:22:43,444
-Your employer.
-My w-whom?

282
00:22:43,527 --> 00:22:46,837
Granville, the young executive in charge?
The chief person here.

283
00:22:46,927 --> 00:22:50,203
Oh, t-that employer! Oh, yes.

284
00:22:50,927 --> 00:22:54,715
Yes, I-I'm afraid he....
I'm afraid he's out at the moment.

285
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:58,402
Just repossessing a little bit of t-transport,
as a matter of fact.

286
00:22:58,487 --> 00:23:01,763
But I'm expecting him b-back any moment.
In fact, I can hardly wait.

287
00:23:01,847 --> 00:23:05,317
He said I'd probably find
his faithful old assistant behind the counter,

288
00:23:05,407 --> 00:23:08,444
but to ask for the executive in-charge personally.

289
00:23:08,527 --> 00:23:13,442
Really? I see. What else did he say,
this little executive supremo?

290
00:23:13,847 --> 00:23:17,476
Well, he says
he gets on tremendously well with his staff.

291
00:23:17,567 --> 00:23:20,206
-Oh, yes?
-Had some of you for years.

292
00:23:20,287 --> 00:23:23,404
-He says you all love him.
-Oh, we do.

293
00:23:23,487 --> 00:23:25,762
We c-call him little father, you know.

294
00:23:25,847 --> 00:23:28,964
Oh, that's lovely. Little father?

295
00:23:29,047 --> 00:23:31,277
Yes, on account of his hobby.

296
00:23:31,367 --> 00:23:32,925
-Hobby?
-Well, he's Hungarian.

297
00:23:33,007 --> 00:23:37,000
Didn't he tell you that?
That might give you s-some idea what it'll be.

298
00:23:37,087 --> 00:23:41,000
Oh, here he comes now look.
Back from his little fathering.

299
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,486
There he is.

300
00:23:45,607 --> 00:23:47,563
-Hello, Stephanie.
-Hello.

301
00:23:47,647 --> 00:23:51,606
Did you manage to get it back all right, sir,
the transport?

302
00:23:51,687 --> 00:23:54,565
-Yes, it's round the back.
-Oh, very good, sir.

303
00:23:54,647 --> 00:23:57,525
It's all present and correct, is it?
No damage is there, sir?

304
00:23:57,607 --> 00:24:00,758
Upholstery, wing mirror, pump, bell?

305
00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:05,843
-It's all right.
-Very good, sir.

306
00:24:05,927 --> 00:24:08,236
I never knew you were Hungarian.

307
00:24:08,887 --> 00:24:13,085
-Who let that little secret out, eh?
-Your assistant here has just been telling me.

308
00:24:13,167 --> 00:24:16,443
Yes, I hope I didn't speak out of turn, Excellency.

309
00:24:17,127 --> 00:24:20,085
No, that's all right, old chap.

310
00:24:21,287 --> 00:24:24,916
Actually, Granville, I was wondering
if you'd care to walk me home.

311
00:24:25,367 --> 00:24:28,325
I come across some very funny people
on my way home sometimes.

312
00:24:28,407 --> 00:24:30,796
Y-You will tonight, certainly.

313
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:32,639
Certainly, Stephanie.

314
00:24:32,727 --> 00:24:35,719
I'll just slip out of this executive finery

315
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,685
and put on something racy but cool.

316
00:24:38,767 --> 00:24:41,839
We might want to drop into a bar
somewhere for cocktails,

317
00:24:41,927 --> 00:24:43,883
mightn't we....

318
00:24:45,127 --> 00:24:48,756
-And the night is young, isn't it?
-I've got to be up quite early.

319
00:24:48,847 --> 00:24:51,156
Yes, and not as early as young Mr Granville.

320
00:24:51,247 --> 00:24:54,478
No. It's all right,
I only need a couple of hours' sleep.

321
00:24:54,567 --> 00:24:57,525
Yes, you can get them during the day as usual,
can't you?

322
00:24:57,927 --> 00:24:59,724
Thank you, I shan't be long.

323
00:24:59,807 --> 00:25:04,437
Will you be all right here with this old reprobate?

324
00:25:04,527 --> 00:25:06,677
Yes, take your time.

325
00:25:06,767 --> 00:25:10,157
While you're gone,
your assistant here can tell me all about you.

326
00:25:11,607 --> 00:25:15,759
No, don't you take any notice of him. No.

327
00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:18,645
Yes. You just behave yourself.

328
00:25:19,527 --> 00:25:21,006
Albert.

329
00:25:28,647 --> 00:25:31,207
That's right, little father, t-take your time.

330
00:25:32,047 --> 00:25:35,357
You can't beat H-Hungarian feet
for speed, you know.

331
00:25:35,687 --> 00:25:38,485
You should have seen his father
leaving his mother.

332
00:25:39,607 --> 00:25:43,122
I'm terribly sorry, I was leaning
on the counter there for a moment.

333
00:25:43,207 --> 00:25:46,643
It's all go being
a f-faithful old assistant, you know.

334
00:25:46,767 --> 00:25:49,122
How does he come to be half-Hungarian?

335
00:25:49,207 --> 00:25:53,359
His mother was learning the language
and she forgot the word for no.

336
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:59,396
Well, I don't suppose it need make any difference,
him being half-Hungarian.

337
00:25:59,487 --> 00:26:01,796
-To us, I mean.
-Us?

338
00:26:02,407 --> 00:26:04,398
Oh, you mean ''us''? Oh.

339
00:26:04,487 --> 00:26:07,797
It does? It makes a difference?
What kind of difference?

340
00:26:07,887 --> 00:26:10,606
I don't think I ought to tell you, really.

341
00:26:10,687 --> 00:26:13,485
I think you should warn me
if there is something I ought to know.

342
00:26:13,567 --> 00:26:16,798
But is it proper, me being a faithful old assistant?

343
00:26:16,887 --> 00:26:18,400
It's proper!

344
00:26:18,487 --> 00:26:20,443
On the other hand, why should I keep quiet

345
00:26:20,527 --> 00:26:23,485
when his wife and kids never stop
rabbiting about him?

346
00:26:23,567 --> 00:26:25,876
-Wife? How many kids?
-Yes.

347
00:26:25,967 --> 00:26:27,525
Kids?

348
00:26:31,687 --> 00:26:33,200
-Seven.
-Seven?

349
00:26:33,287 --> 00:26:35,198
Yes. And three sixteenths it says here.

350
00:26:35,287 --> 00:26:38,120
I must get that fixed.
I don't know what's the matter with it.

351
00:26:38,207 --> 00:26:42,325
I don't want you
t-to treat him or judge him t-too harshly.

352
00:26:42,407 --> 00:26:46,366
-I'll kill him if he comes near me again.
-Yes, well, that doesn't sound too harsh.

353
00:26:48,087 --> 00:26:50,555
I-I blame the goulash, you know.

354
00:26:50,647 --> 00:26:53,878
I think if I'd been brought up
knee-deep in goulash,

355
00:26:53,967 --> 00:26:55,719
I might have had seven kids myself.

356
00:26:55,807 --> 00:26:57,365
Deceitful monkey!

357
00:26:57,447 --> 00:27:01,599
Of course, fortunately, being a true Northerner,
I was b-brought up on bread and dripping,

358
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:03,086
which, as we all know,

359
00:27:03,167 --> 00:27:07,126
is a fine antidote
against any w-wildness of the senses.

360
00:27:07,807 --> 00:27:10,321
Here. When he comes down, give him that.

361
00:27:19,167 --> 00:27:21,522
Okay, let's hear it for Granville.

362
00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:25,440
Let's hear it for these snappy threads.

363
00:27:26,767 --> 00:27:29,361
Tonight it's go, man, go.

364
00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:33,486
I think I'll let the old boy close early
and go home to his lonely bed.

365
00:27:35,367 --> 00:27:37,642
Where is she? Where is Steph?

366
00:27:51,927 --> 00:27:53,997
You've done it again, haven't you?

367
00:27:54,087 --> 00:27:57,159
You've really screwed it up for me.
What did you do to her?

368
00:27:57,247 --> 00:28:00,523
Just a bit of faithful old as-assistanting.

369
00:28:00,607 --> 00:28:02,518
God. Dear.

370
00:28:03,127 --> 00:28:05,516
I never get anything right, do I?

371
00:28:06,327 --> 00:28:09,524
I thought she was the one,
I thought she had everything.

372
00:28:09,607 --> 00:28:13,680
The moment I saw her,
I k-knew she wasn't right for you.

373
00:28:14,247 --> 00:28:16,522
She's no education.

374
00:28:17,247 --> 00:28:20,557
She's spelt ''two-timing little creep'' with a ''K''!

375
00:28:24,807 --> 00:28:27,685
<i>It's been a funny day working for Granville.</i>

376
00:28:29,127 --> 00:28:33,086
<i>I'll say this, for a young executive,</i>
<i>he's very easily led.</i>

377
00:28:33,167 --> 00:28:37,604
<i>You just grab the chain round his neck</i>
<i>and pull him along by his dangler.</i>

378
00:28:39,047 --> 00:28:43,120
<i>Still, if you can't dangle when you're young,</i>
<i>when can you dangle?</i>

379
00:28:44,687 --> 00:28:49,556
<i>And the first correct answer to that</i>
<i>wins a holiday for two in Nurse Gladys' bedroom.</i>

380
00:28:51,487 --> 00:28:53,921
<i>Oh, she's like a drug that woman.</i>

381
00:28:54,807 --> 00:28:58,083
<i>Not freely available except for medicinal purposes.</i>

382
00:28:59,567 --> 00:29:01,205
<i>Still, who knows?</i>

383
00:29:01,767 --> 00:29:05,157
<i>One day I may be able to get her over the counter.</i>