1
00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,120
SUE: You can't stroll around the house stark naked.

2
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,200
And all I'm saying is, you should have mentioned

3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,360
that Karen had a little friend staying the night.

4
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,920
- I did. You just forgot. - I did not forget. You didn't...

5
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,440
On two or three occasions, I mentioned, "Don't go out starkers."

6
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,720
(SIGHS) She's got a very piercing scream, hasn't she?

7
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,560
So have you.

8
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,040
Look, Maisie hasn't got a dad,

9
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,880
so she's not used to getting up in the night

10
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,480
and encountering a great, hulking, hairy, naked man.

11
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,560
I did tell her not to scream.

12
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,240
"Karen's daddy stood there naked and told me not to scream."

13
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,760
That'll sound good in court.

14
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:42,160
Anyway, we've got to be at the restaurant in half an hour.

15
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,160
We'd better get ready.

16
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,200
BEN: One night,

17
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,080
Karen and her stupid friend Maisie

18
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,600
were playing on the climbing frame,

19
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:52,240
but little did they know that they were about to fall to their death.

20
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,040
And Maisie died!

21
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,120
- And then Karen died! - (DOORBELL RINGS)

22
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,640
Oh, hello. Is your mum or dad in?

23
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,880
Ah, well, I don't know where my mum is.

24
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,160
- And your dad? - He's on the toilet.

25
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,840
Right. Do you think he'll be long?

26
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:12,840
Well, he can be very long, but...do you want money?

27
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,320
Oh, no, no. I'm here to save your mummy and daddy...

28
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,360
- LAUREN: Hi, Karen! - Oh, hi, Lauren!

29
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:22,640
She came round to our house. My daddy says people like her should be shot.

30
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,720
My dad's on the toilet.

31
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,000
- LAUREN: Bye! - So do you want money or not?

32
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,400
Little did Lady Victoria know

33
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,880
that she was standing on top of a hot volcanic geyser.

34
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,160
I'm...I'm here to save your mummy and daddy money

35
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,560
by combining their internet and telephone access

36
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,120
through fibre-optic technology.

37
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,360
PETE: Who is it, Karen?

38
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:46,200
(YELLS) It's some person trying to sell...

39
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:50,400
cyber-optic technology thingy.

40
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,800
- (LAUGHS) Fibre-optic. - PETE: We're not interested!

41
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,040
- We're not interested. - Oh, but it's a really good deal.

42
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,520
- PETE: Tell her to go away. - Go away.

43
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,240
The rebels have to escape a deadly cloud of gas.

44
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,680
Ahhh!

45
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,480
Grrrarrrgh!

46
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:09,240
It burns! It burns! Everybody else is dead! It's just me!

47
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,800
It's just that I need to make a sale

48
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,360
- in order to... - You can always try other houses.

49
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:14,520
But I really can give you all...

50
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,560
Well, down there there's some old people and they're a bit...

51
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,600
crazy in the head, like most old people are,

52
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,320
so they'll buy anything.

53
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,280
He was wrestling the giant spitting cobra.

54
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,680
Ah! You're not going to spit at me!

55
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,960
Help me! I'm blinded! Ahh!

56
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,160
(GASPS)

57
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,960
Or maybe you should maybe make some drinks

58
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,760
and say, "Here, have a drink."

59
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,400
Or just bake something, like cakes or cookies,

60
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,160
and then say, "Would you like a cookie?"

61
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,200
Maybe...

62
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,840
"Get a free cookie if you buy my... the internet thing."

63
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,160
It really would save money

64
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,720
- throughout the year. - Well, we don't want to buy it...

65
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:52,680
But it really is a good deal.

66
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,680
Look, I just think you need to get better at this job

67
00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:01,000
and, well, I'm fed up, so I'm going to go.

68
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,240
Karen, can you not tell strangers that I am on the toilet?

69
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,280
But you were.

70
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:10,080
Yeah, OK, but tell them...tell them I'm busy, or something.

71
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,200
But you weren't busy. You were just sitting there.

72
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,160
Only your bottom was busy.

73
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,320
And there was no need to slam the door in her face like that.

74
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:21,960
But she wouldn't listen. Like all grown-ups. They're idiots.

75
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,880
(MOBILE PHONE BEEPS)

76
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,680
(GROANS)

77
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,000
Are you not going to answer that?

78
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,040
It was the headmaster.

79
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,240
That top looks nice.

80
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,120
That's three you haven't answered since you got home.

81
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,120
Is it?

82
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,000
No, that looks really, really nice.

83
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,280
No, it won't do, will it?

84
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,960
I don't want my sister making one of her charity-shop jibes.

85
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,480
Rahh!

86
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,040
(LAUGHS)

87
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,720
Is Auntie Angela coming here, then?

88
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:02,000
No. I've booked us in for dinner at that Italian place.

89
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,320
A rather shrewd move on my part.

90
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,360
Neutral ground.

91
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,280
Less chance of anything untoward happening between Mum and Angela.

92
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:09,960
Like Mum kicking her up the arse again?

93
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,520
Well, that's hardly likely to happen twice,

94
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,320
especially in a busy restaurant, in public.

95
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,160
Well, the wedding reception was in public.

96
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,800
(MOBILE PHONE BEEPS)

97
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,240
JAKE: Well, that could happen again.

98
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,840
PETE: No, this place is always crowded. This time it will be fine.

99
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:28,120
JAKE: Dad, you said that last time.

100
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,280
But this time, Auntie Angela will be on her best behaviour

101
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,240
because she'll be with her new bloke, Brick.

102
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,640
Oh, God, I bet he's a pillock.

103
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,320
You know nothing about him.

104
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,880
He's a therapist, he's American and his name's Brick.

105
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,040
Well...

106
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,560
No, fair enough.

107
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,080
He's got to have a fake tan and a ponytail.

108
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,640
No, not both. No, that would be too obvious.

109
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,000
(PETE AND JAKE CONTINUE DISCUSSION)

110
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,520
So that's a quid on the ponytail

111
00:04:56,520 --> 00:05:00,000
and a quid that, at some point, he'll use the phrase "low self-esteem".

112
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,680
OK. But I'm not letting you off bets any more.

113
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,360
- You lose, you pay. - OK.

114
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,400
- OK. - You owe me from the bet

115
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,600
about how many people would die in that episode of Casualty.

116
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,280
You cheated. You saw the gas explosion on the trailer.

117
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:15,400
What in God's name have you been doing?

118
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,880
Watering the plants. Mum said I could do it.

119
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,120
(GROANS) How long have you been...?

120
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,640
Oh, my God, it looks like the Somme.

121
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,600
Go upstairs and change into your smart stuff.

122
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:31,240
Why did you let Ben loose in the garden with the hose?

123
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,400
The big no-noes - Ben and water,

124
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,600
Ben and fire, Ben and depilatory cream.

125
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,680
I was wondering whether we should have bought Angela a wedding present.

126
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,920
Still, she didn't actually tell us that she was getting married....

127
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:48,960
so...

128
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,400
Who's Mimi?

129
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,360
Um...

130
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:58,400
Only she wants to talk about the other night. She's confused.

131
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,400
Mimi...?

132
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,920
Are you confused, as well? Because she's texted you...

133
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,600
seven times...

134
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,480
- in the last two days. - You've been looking at my texts?

135
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:14,560
- Who...is...Mimi? - So if I can't hit him,

136
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,600
how do I stop him...

137
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,360
- Not now, Karen. - ...from stealing my sausage rolls?

138
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,240
- PETE: Eh? - She got into trouble

139
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,560
- for hitting this boy at lunchtime. - Oh, you mustn't hit anyone.

140
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,320
Mrs Bassong said it was unladylike.

141
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,720
Well, she's never said Ben hitting anyone is "unmanlike".

142
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,520
Look, you don't hit him, you go and tell a teacher.

143
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,760
- But he'll have licked it by then. - Then hit him in a ladylike way.

144
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,160
- No, that is just ridiculous. - Can I hit him or not?

145
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,480
- It's a simple question. - No!

146
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,200
We'll get back to you on that. Now, off you go.

147
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,240
Because I need to know.

148
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,880
So now you've had plenty of time to think of an answer.

149
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,440
After Mikey's leaving do, we went on to this pub that does music

150
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,120
and this Mimi was there

151
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,880
and she came over...and we had a dance.

152
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,560
- A slow dance? - Well, slow-ish.

153
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:08,120
A medium slow. More...Derek Underwood than Shane Warne.

154
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,280
- Look, it was nothing. - Show me.

155
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,680
Sorry?

156
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,400
Show me how you danced with Mimi.

157
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,040
- Don't be silly. It was just... - How did you hold her?

158
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,600
- Look, don't be ridiculous! - Show me.

159
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,280
Well, I suppose if...

160
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,120
JAKE: Oh, God, get a room.

161
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,960
- Oh, Mum... - Jake, can you give us a few minutes?

162
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,240
All right, then.

163
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,160
(DOOR SHUTS)

164
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,440
And this is what she got confused about, is it?

165
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,200
I think she gets confused...

166
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,680
BEN: You know the sink plunger -

167
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:52,160
do they make them 500 times bigger for really big sinks?

168
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,680
Why would you want one that big?

169
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,680
- So I could pick up a much bigger tortoise

170
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,200
and I could go like that and I could use it a bit like a tortoise club.

171
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,640
- Wouldn't that be cool? - Yes, it would. Now, if you don't mind,

172
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,720
- Daddy and I... - Ooh, I think I left the hose on.

173
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,560
(BEN SHOUTS)

174
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,480
- (DOOR SLAMS) - Look, we danced

175
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,440
and at the end of the night, she kissed me

176
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,240
and I think she may have got the wrong idea.

177
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,160
I'm very sorry, but I was very, very drunk,

178
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,280
so I...

179
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,760
I kissed her back a bit

180
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,560
but, honestly, the state I was in, it could have been anyone.

181
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,280
It could have been...

182
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,920
anyone.

183
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,880
- I don't mean it could have been anyone. - Except me, presumably?!

184
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,800
I-I-I'm...I'm sorry but I...

185
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,560
KAREN: Can I wear my bridesmaid's dress?

186
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:40,040
No! So you got pissed and snogged a total stranger?

187
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,400
She wasn't a total stranger.

188
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,920
So who is she?

189
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,760
Why don't we talk about this after the meal with Angela?

190
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,080
She was the mum of a boy in Year 2.

191
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,280
Oh, God. It'll be all around the playground.

192
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,360
- No-one saw us. - Well, how do you know?

193
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,800
Were you alertly scanning the room when you shoved

194
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,920
- your tongue down her throat(?) - Listen...

195
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,880
It'll be just like when Beatrice's mum turned up at the nativity play

196
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,920
and it all went quiet and everyone heard Mary say to Joseph,

197
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,760
"That's the one who sexed the plumber."

198
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:10,800
Jesus, Pete!

199
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,160
It's not like that at all.

200
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,680
And what sort of name is Mimi, anyway?

201
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,200
Short for Mia.

202
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:19,240
It is not short for Mia! It's bloody longer than bloody Mia!

203
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,120
You've just snogged a woman

204
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,120
who's so stupid that she's shortened her name to something longer!

205
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,480
- Shh! - Don't tell me to be quiet!

206
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,200
- (WHISPERS) Jake. - What?

207
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,200
- (WHISPERS) Jake. - Oh, God.

208
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,680
(WHISPERS) Do you think he heard?

209
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,520
You see what you've done?

210
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,640
We can't pretend this hasn't happened. You're going to have to talk to him.

211
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,040
- Am I? - (DOORBELL RINGS)

212
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,840
- Oh, who the hell is that? - KAREN: It's Auntie Angela!

213
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,360
Oh, God. Oh, blo...

214
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,760
- ANGELA: Hi, Karen. Hello. - Do I look normal?

215
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:51,800
- ANGELA: This is Brick. - Absolutely.

216
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:56,360
Look, with Angela, can you just...just control yourself?

217
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,120
You want me to control myself after what you've just...

218
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,640
- Hi! - Hello.

219
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,200
I thought we were meeting in the restaurant.

220
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,360
Yeah, well,

221
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,840
- we were a bit early. - Brick.

222
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,840
- Great to meet you at last, Sue. - Oh, hello.

223
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,640
Pete? Pete, how's it going?

224
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,560
- Hello. - This is Taylor Jean.

225
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:17,560
- Say hi to everyone, honey. - Hi.

226
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,600
I didn't know you had a little girl, Brick.

227
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,000
- We have five kids. - (MOUTHS) Five?

228
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,760
Misty, Dune, Plymouth, and Mustang couldn't leave Phoenix right now.

229
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,480
What? Is Phoenix the youngest?

230
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,160
It's a place, Sue. Where we live

231
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,960
with our five kids.

232
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,800
- Oh, ah...r-right. - Did you buy your children?

233
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,840
- Buy them? - Yes, like, um...like Madonna?

234
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,640
Well, Madonna didn't actually buy her kids.

235
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,200
But last time you were here, you didn't have any kids,

236
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,440
so it's impossible to have five kids now

237
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,480
and especially at your age.

238
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,080
- Karen, that's rude. - No, no, it's fine.

239
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,600
They're my kids, Karen, from a marriage

240
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,520
I was in before. And now they're Angela's kids.

241
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:58,760
But where's their mummy?

242
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,120
- Taylor Jean, who's your mom? - Angela's my mom.

243
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:07,120
Hey, you've gotta be Jake. Hi, big guy.

244
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,080
- I like your ponytail. - Great.

245
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,000
So that leaves the legend I crossed the Atlantic to meet.

246
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,400
What I haven't heard about Ben!

247
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,880
Ben has actually had a very good year. Hasn't he, Pete?

248
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,720
Yeah, he's been picked by the school as being exceptionally gifted at chess.

249
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:26,160
- He's discovered his intellectual side. - Rahh!

250
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,880
Hi, Ben.

251
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,320
He's so muddy.

252
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,960
Whoa, cool! Hey, fella. I'm Brick.

253
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,680
- Brick? - Yeah, Brick.

254
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,760
- Is that a name? - Yes, it's a name.

255
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,440
You mean Brick as in brick, the thing?

256
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,440
Ben! Ben, go and get changed..

257
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,920
Go on. Then we can go around the corner

258
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,600
- to the restaurant. - BEN: Brick?

259
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,640
- I think it's a great name. - BEN: What a weird name!

260
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,720
What's it short for?

261
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,400
Well, what were you christened?

262
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,840
Brick. I was christened Brick.

263
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,240
Oh! Better still.

264
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,240
- So where is her real mum? - Karen!

265
00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,160
- Sorry about that. - It's fine.

266
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,760
We've all got kids. We understand.

267
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,320
- BEN: So is Brick spelt like...? - So, which one is she?

268
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,760
I just want to know who they're talking about

269
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,680
when they giggle and point at me.

270
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,960
She's the one with the ginger boy who broke his foot last term.

271
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,480
- Her? - Yeah.

272
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,720
- Her?! - What?

273
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,680
(EXHALES) Nothing.

274
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,400
God, you must have been...

275
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,160
- That is...insulting! - Look, I didn't...

276
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,600
Look, I'm going to catch up to Angela and you're going to explain to your son

277
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,800
why you kissed someone older and fatter than me.

278
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,360
- So how was school today, Ben? - Great. We had sex education.

279
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,640
Right. Did they show you a film, or something?

280
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:45,200
No, Mrs Bradley asked us to shout out all the names we knew for men's bits.

281
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,840
Really?

282
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:51,720
We got to 18 and then Mrs Bradley wasn't sure about "pink bazooka".

283
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,280
- She said Ibrahim had made it up. - SUE: Hiya.

284
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,040
Which he had.

285
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,560
Jake!

286
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,920
Look, I think you may have heard something this morning

287
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,520
you really shouldn't have heard.

288
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,040
I couldn't help hearing.

289
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:10,360
OK, well, I want you to know that I hugely regret what I did.

290
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:14,040
Why? What did you do? I didn't hear that bit.

291
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,000
OK, maybe we don't need to talk.

292
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,760
No... No, Dad.

293
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,800
ANGELA: So, you've put the house on the market?

294
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,600
Yeah, yeah. We just... we wanted an upgrade.

295
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,480
- Everything good with you and Pete? - God, yes! Absolutely.

296
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,400
- Very good. - Great.

297
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,080
- Terrific. Top notch. - Fantastic.

298
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:36,640
Listen, Sue, what you did to me at the wedding reception,

299
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,680
I just want you to know I've already forgotten it.

300
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,200
Oh...great.

301
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,600
Shall we just turn over a new page?

302
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,240
Sue, I've turned over two new pages.

303
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,640
In fact, I've turned over an entire novel.

304
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,920
PETE: I didn't know this place had an upstairs.

305
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,080
So, Dad, what is this? Are you having an affair?

306
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,280
No! Shh!

307
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:04,120
(QUIETLY) Listen, Jake, I need you to be really grown up about this.

308
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,920
I got very drunk and I kissed this woman.

309
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,240
Mimi?

310
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,760
Yeah, that was...

311
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,080
Hang on, I thought you said you didn't hear.

312
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,000
Yeah, well, I heard that bit. Is she the ginger kid's mum?

313
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,160
Only Warren's dad had a thing with her when I was in Year 6.

314
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:19,240
Oh, right.

315
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,880
Warren says she's only desperate cos she's lonely.

316
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,840
She used to call him up all the time and cry down the phone.

317
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,520
- Did she? - She used to sit outside his house

318
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,120
- in her car. - Uh-huh.

319
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,200
And she posted him lots of...

320
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,960
Yeah, all right, thank you.

321
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,240
Hi, there.

322
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,640
Hi, Kelly.

323
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,760
I didn't know Kelly worked here. Did you?

324
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,640
Hello? Jake?

325
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:43,760
OK, big fella, you sit there.

326
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,120
TJ next to me.

327
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,840
Oh, no. No, this is no good. Kelly, um...

328
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,360
we seem to be in a room on our own.

329
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:55,280
Yeah, we had a bit of an overspill, so we put you in here. Yeah, but we...

330
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,400
we like eating where the action is. You know, amongst lots of people. Don't we?

331
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,240
- No, this is great. - And we are full downstairs.

332
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,800
Lovely(!)

333
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,280
Come on, Hugh Grant. You come and sit across from me.

334
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,920
Let's start with a bottle of red, honey. Choose us something nice.

335
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,480
- Actually, I don't think we'll be... - I'll have a Bloody Mary.

336
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,440
BRICK: Oh, this is great, isn't it? This is just great.

337
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:23,040
Jake, a quick reminder. Try looking at her face. Women like that.

338
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,200
They're not so keen on being looked at like some slab of meat.

339
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,520
That goes for you as well.

340
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,200
(SPOON RINGS AGAINST GLASS)

341
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,840
Now, guys, I just want to say a few words.

342
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:38,360
Now, I don't need to be a therapist to see there's an elephant in this room.

343
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,160
An elephant?

344
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:44,560
A hidden source of tension between two people who love each other.

345
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,400
But I like shooting elephants.

346
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,640
Now, we all know there's been history between these sisters.

347
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:54,400
- Can we forget it? No, we can't. - You can't shoot elephants!

348
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,680
Can we acknowledge it? Yes, we can.

349
00:15:56,680 --> 00:16:00,920
Can we move on? Yes, we can!

350
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,920
Why does he keep repeating, "Yes, we can"?

351
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,680
...into a positive? Yes, we can. Of course we can.

352
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:10,640
Taylor Jean, can we be one big, loving family?

353
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,600
- Yes, we can! - Yes, we can!

354
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,560
- Why are we clapping? - Have we won something?

355
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,760
Thank you, Brick.

356
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:26,360
Yes, thank you, Brick. That was, um...that was...special.

357
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,080
Hmm, that was...fantastic.

358
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,160
So where is Taylor Jean's real mum?

359
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,560
Karen, now's not the time.

360
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,320
Hey, it's cool, Sue. Kids need answers.

361
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:41,560
And the answer, Karen, is that, sadly, there are some mothers so damaging

362
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,560
that kids prosper best without them.

363
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,960
Brick was amazing. He wouldn't stop fighting for his kids.

364
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,120
- (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) - Wouldn't he?

365
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,600
It was you coming on board that clinched it with the judge.

366
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,280
Hello?

367
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,440
Taylor Jean's so much happier now she doesn't go to Tucson at weekends.

368
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,360
I'm so much happier.

369
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,040
Well, yes, Pete was naked,

370
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,880
but he'd forgotten that Maisie was staying overnight.

371
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,800
I'm sorry she's having trouble sleeping but...

372
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,680
Well, yes, he is quite hairy.

373
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,320
Well, at least it won't come as a shock to her in later life, will it?

374
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,360
No, sorry.

375
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,000
Yeah.

376
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,160
Yeah, OK.

377
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,160
Bye.

378
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,760
Sue?

379
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,920
Please.

380
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,960
Another bottle of red, honey.

381
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,160
- BRICK: That's the one I took. - ANGELA: Yeah.

382
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,400
Here we all are at San Diego Zoo.

383
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,880
In fact, it was Misty's giraffe poem that won us the trip.

384
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,280
Lovely!

385
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,800
Didn't you used to think

386
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,840
that children got in the way of being a free spirit?

387
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,800
God, no! What spirits could be freer than the spirits of kids?

388
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,880
There's such wonderful energy in a big family.

389
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,160
I know. It's great.

390
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,040
Well, yeah, I mean, you've got quite a big family, Sue,

391
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:54,680
but when there's seven of you, believe me, that is a big family.

392
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,120
So what should we all have for pudding?

393
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,680
- Here we all are in Hawaii. - Angie's the most phenomenal mother.

394
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,920
Both interactively and as a role model. She just never stops giving.

395
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,840
She's helped Misty overcome her food issues.

396
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,400
Is that Misty making the big splash in the swimming pool?

397
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:14,000
That's Dune. Misty had issues with under-eating.

398
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,880
The banoffee pie looks very tasty.

399
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,080
In fact, Brick's ex put her under so much gastric stress,

400
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,760
the poor child had to have so many tests...

401
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,160
Did she have to have a camera put up her bottom?

402
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,080
Cos that's what happened to Dad.

403
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,800
It turned out I have diverticular disease.

404
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,640
- Very mildly. - Quite mildly.

405
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,200
It's a syndrome which is present in quite a few people his age.

406
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,920
It's not a syndrome, it's a disease.

407
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,440
It's not a disease like leprosy, is it?

408
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,080
No, no, but it is more serious than a syndrome.

409
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,720
15 - tadger. 16 - dangler.

410
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,960
- Ben. - 17 - pink bazooka.

411
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,720
Ben, fella, that behaviour's inappropriate.

412
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,360
I'm bored of that word.

413
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:55,320
So when you replaced her real mum, what did you do with her real mum?

414
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,600
- Karen, stop it. It's not... - But it's not fair!

415
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,600
None of my questions get answered.

416
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,480
And you still haven't got back to me about the hitting.

417
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,560
- Hitting? - Well, yes.

418
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,680
They said they'd talk to me about when I can hit this boy at school...

419
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,800
Well, obviously you can't! We said that.

420
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,160
No, you didn't. You said I could hit in a ladylike way.

421
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,120
It's never right to hit. Not for children.

422
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,880
KAREN: Then how am I supposed to stop someone

423
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,600
from constantly stealing my sausage rolls?

424
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:25,680
You get a court order, stopping them from coming within 50 miles.

425
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,360
Why don't you kids play a game of consequences, or something?

426
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:35,680
Good idea, Hugh Grant.

427
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,360
I don't sound much like Hugh Grant.

428
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:41,400
You do. You've got that charming "ooh, ahh, ooh" thing going on.

429
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,080
- No, I haven't. - You do. You're doing it now.

430
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,600
It's charming.

431
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,640
OK, Jake?

432
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,800
Jake, have I got something on my face?

433
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,960
Only you just sort of keep staring at it. And so does your dad.

434
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,520
No, your face is great.

435
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,560
Well, it's OK. It's nicer than OK.

436
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,880
Right, right. Yeah, thanks.

437
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:03,080
I wish that guy with the ponytail would look at my face now and then.

438
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,400
Oh, I know. Some men just treat women like they're slabs of meat.

439
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,160
That's a very mature observation.

440
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,720
I'm quite mature, actually.

441
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,240
- I'd better... - Mm-hm.

442
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,120
You should get Brick to do a session with Karen about hitting.

443
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,680
- She doesn't need it. - You'd do that.

444
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,800
- Sure, honey. They're family. - SUE: She's fine.

445
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,080
He does this great game where they play hide-and-seek,

446
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,560
only they have to find themselves.

447
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,120
- Find themselves? - Yeah.

448
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,240
That'd be easy. You'd just look down and there you are.

449
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:36,360
No, Karen, sometimes you try and find something inside you

450
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,880
that you didn't know was there.

451
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,680
Like...a tapeworm?

452
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,280
No, not like that. It's like...

453
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,800
Or like a spoon that you swallowed by mistake or...

454
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,280
No, it's... She's very literal, isn't she?

455
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,200
See, we've all got dark places inside our heads.

456
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,720
Well, of course we have.

457
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,240
It's entirely dark unless we put, like, a window,

458
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,240
or we sawed the top of our head off.

459
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,640
- Karen... - (WHISPERS) I think she can handle this.

460
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,960
That wouldn't be very good, cos then we'd die eventually.

461
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,560
Well, it's like, if you were in a dark room

462
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,360
and you put a plant in a dark room and it never had any sunlight

463
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,280
and it would grow all twisted and tangled

464
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,800
and it wouldn't be good.

465
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,640
- It wouldn't grow at all. It'd die. - It might grow a tiny bit.

466
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,160
Have you ever eaten a tadpole for a bet?

467
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,960
Yes.

468
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,360
Have you ever...have you ever put fish food in your dad's tea?

469
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:22,680
Yeah.

470
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,720
Have you ever taken a seagull into a hotel bedroom?

471
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,120
Have you ever run away from home and got as far as New Mexico?

472
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:30,720
Yeah.

473
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,440
BRICK: I think you'll find that, actually,

474
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,640
there are hidden feelings inside all of us we have to acknowledge.

475
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:36,920
Give these feelings a name.

476
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,560
We need to say, "Bob..." -

477
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,000
if, say, we called these feelings Bob, "...get back!"

478
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:48,400
Why Bob, when you can call it anything, like Steve, or a girl's name, like Lucy?

479
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,920
Why do you have to call it Bob?

480
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,640
Well, you could say, "Lucy, get..." It doesn't work for me. I have...

481
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,400
Is this your job, to just say stuff like this?

482
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,240
Trust me, it's...it's a very useful...

483
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:05,320
Well, I don't trust you, because you're just talking nonsense.

484
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,640
If you'll just listen to me for two seconds.

485
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,840
It's not something a child necessarily understands...

486
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:14,040
But I-I-I do understand what you're saying.

487
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,240
It's just it doesn't make any sense because...

488
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,040
I'm not entirely sure your technique's going to work with Karen.

489
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,920
She sure has a lot of defences.

490
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,440
Welcome to English repression.

491
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,760
I really think we should order some pudding.

492
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,280
And some coffee, because we've had quite a lot of wine now.

493
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,560
- What does "repression" mean? - Ah, excuse me?

494
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,240
It's what everyone in England does, Ben -

495
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,760
don't let out the anger inside them.

496
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,320
- My mum lets out her anger. - Yeah, well...

497
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,080
- She kicked you up the... - Ben!

498
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,360
And she let out lots of anger

499
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,800
when she found out that Daddy had kissed a woman which isn't her...

500
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:54,240
I'll...just give you a couple more minutes to decide.

501
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,920
You did what?!

502
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,880
- How did you know about that? - I heard you and Dad talking.

503
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,040
You made promises at your wedding!

504
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,760
There's no need to tell everyone about it.

505
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:07,560
OK. OK, everybody calm down.

506
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:11,120
It was just a stupid incident that happened.

507
00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:13,600
And Pete is not having an affair, if that's what you're thinking.

508
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:14,640
BRICK: Stuff happens.

509
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:18,400
We're animals dressed up in clothes, pretending not to be animals.

510
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,160
Sometimes we forget to pretend.

511
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:26,960
Look, "stuff" has not happened and I think that we should all move on.

512
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,880
And I, for one, am moving to the ladies.

513
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:35,680
- I'll just go and see if she's OK. - No, Angela, I don't think that's...

514
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,560
a very good idea.

515
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,560
Sue, I am so sorry.

516
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,800
Well, there's nothing to be sorry about. We're fine, really. Totally.

517
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,240
Listen, Brick is a great therapist.

518
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,320
- You should get him to talk to Pete. - What about?

519
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,320
Well, he's a licensed sex-addiction therapist.

520
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,560
Pete? A sex addict?!

521
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,480
He could help you both if you'll only let him in.

522
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,000
You've got to think about what this could do to the kids.

523
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,520
The kids?!

524
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,920
Last year, you were saying that kids turn you into a zombie.

525
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,440
This year you're Maria von bloody Trapp!

526
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,200
You'll make plenty of mistakes with Brick's children.

527
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,760
I doubt I'll ever leave one of them behind on a Scottish island.

528
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,800
I thought Pete had him, OK?

529
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:19,800
Look... (SIGHS) ...let's just stop this before we...

530
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:23,280
I was merely expressing surprise

531
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,280
that you've suddenly discovered children are so wonderful.

532
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,680
I found out they weren't all like yours.

533
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,880
- Ah, you have no bullets! - Oh!

534
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,200
So, Hugh Grant,

535
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,920
I thought you were one of these pussy-whipped English guys.

536
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,440
- I'm sorry? - (MIMICS) I'm sorry?

537
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,040
You don't have to be sorry. We're men.

538
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,920
As men, we are evolutionarily hard-wired

539
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,520
to nail as many women as we can.

540
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,400
You'll get better at it.

541
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,800
(WHISPERS) And then you won't get caught.

542
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,600
What?

543
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,840
- Everything OK? - Yep.

544
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,800
So where's Angela? She's...

545
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,240
Still in the toilet.

546
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,640
Right. But you haven't...

547
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,040
So, any decisions about pudding?

548
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,560
(SIGHS) Why don't we just skip pudding and get the bill?

549
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,440
I'll get that, honey.

550
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,000
No, that's kind, but let's split it.

551
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,560
- Everything all right? - Yes.

552
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,800
- That's me. - No, I said let's split it.

553
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,760
You're on teacher's wages. I'll pay, Prof.

554
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,240
I'd really rather you didn't.

555
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,640
Ooh, ouch. Some low self-esteem issues here.

556
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,720
That's for you, good-looking.

557
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,480
- Don't play the therapist with me. - Pete.

558
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,800
Pete's one of those guys who thinks charlatans become psychotherapists.

559
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,760
- Yeah, and Serbian war criminals. - Pete!

560
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:38,800
Whoa, Hugh Grant!

561
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,000
And if you call me Hugh Grant one more time,

562
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,480
I'm going to take your Platinum Visa card

563
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:48,800
and I'm going to shove it right up your...

564
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,040
(GIGGLES)

565
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,600
- I want my mom! - Oh, it's all right, sweetie.

566
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,320
No, I want my real mom!

567
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,200
I'll...pop back in a tick.

568
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:08,000
We need help fast! There's a triceratops having a heart attack.

569
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,600
- If Mum and Dad had a divorce... - Yeah!

570
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,000
...who would you live with?

571
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,080
Dunno.

572
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,360
I mean, Maisie, well, she lives with her mum,

573
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,840
and if she sees her dad coming,

574
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,760
then they have to press a button which goes straight to the police.

575
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,360
Does it fire rockets at him?

576
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:25,880
I've got Ben's bin.

577
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:32,600
Paper, paper, plastic...

578
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,480
God knows, but I don't like the look of it.

579
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,920
- Are these Ben's pants? - Put them in the compost.

580
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,320
Well, I didn't think the meal would end up like that -

581
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:47,040
Angela holding Brick back and shouting, "He's not worth it!"

582
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,600
I told you all that stuff he said about women.

583
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,800
Well, you're a well-known champion of women's rights.

584
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:55,680
I keep thinking about those poor children.

585
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,080
Poor fat Dune, poor thin Misty,

586
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,480
poor scary Taylor Jean...

587
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,000
Ah, there are the car keys.

588
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,520
- Auntie Angela's his third wife. - What?

589
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,320
Mm-hm. His second one's in a clinical facility in Tucson.

590
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,040
Well, who told you that?

591
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,480
Taylor Jean. Brick doesn't allow her mum's name to be spoken in the house.

592
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,560
Oh, poor Angela.

593
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:17,920
God help her.

594
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,800
KAREN: It'd be really hard to choose,

595
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,480
because if you chose Dad, then you'd really miss Mum,

596
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:28,440
and if you chose Mum, then you'd really miss Dad, so...

597
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,200
If they do get a divorce, you'd have to choose.

598
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,960
Listen, I just want you to know

599
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,800
that your dad and me, we're absolutely fine

600
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,640
and we're going to stay together

601
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,800
and so there's no need for you to worry about anything.

602
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,880
- Isn't that right, Pete? - Yes!

603
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,720
Absolutely.

604
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,560
Now, go and clean your teeth, you two,

605
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,320
and we'll come up and kiss you good night.

606
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,360
(THUNDER RUMBLES)

607
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,000
You just did that to make them feel better, didn't you?

608
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,120
No, Jake, I didn't.

609
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:02,320
I mean, did you see that lot today?

610
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,200
It made me grateful for what I've got.

611
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,800
I love your dad,

612
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,360
and if he's done something wrong, then it might take me a few days,

613
00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:11,880
but I'll forgive him.

614
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,600
So why don't you go and get ready for bed, too?

615
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,000
- Ah! You owe me a quid, Dad. - For the ponytail? I paid you.

616
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,520
No, for the "low self-esteem".

617
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,960
He got in a couple just before he asked you to step outside.

618
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,520
Did you Google him?

619
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,040
Come on, Dad,

620
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,160
there's not many therapists in Phoenix called Brick Bollinger.

621
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,000
"I specialise in low self-esteem issues."

622
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:35,880
Well, that's not fair.

623
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,600
You know, the gas explosion in Casualty wasn't fair, Dad.

624
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,400
Don't mess with the Googling generation.

625
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,120
Thank you for that, just now.

626
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,120
- For the forgiveness. - You didn't believe me, did you?

627
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,480
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