1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,960 - I just don't like babies. - How can you say that? You saw him. 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,360 - Little James is incredibly cute. - I don't like babies. 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:11,360 You do like babies. Remember Karen when she was his age. 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:15,120 That tiny little thing with those big eyes. 5 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,880 I remember the projectile vomiting. 6 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:22,000 The distance and the power and the volume. 7 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,680 - And the colour. - She was such a smiley little thing, though. 8 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,040 God, in that cafe. That must have been a good four feet. 9 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,600 They had to throw that whole tureen of soup away. 10 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,560 Baby James is so placid, though, isn't he? 11 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,840 He's very low-maintenance. 12 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:41,800 I was wondering about giving Carlotta and Terry a break. 13 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,840 - You know, offering to have him... - No. 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,240 - ..just 24 hours. - No, absolutely not. 15 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,520 - You've already said yes, haven't you? - Uh-huh. 16 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:55,880 Well, I am going to arrange to go out. When is this happening? 17 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,960 - Tonight. - Tonight. 18 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,000 Course. Come on, Pete! 19 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,880 20 years together, and you still don't see this stuff coming. 20 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,680 Hiya. I'm really sorry to ask, 21 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,840 but you don't have any eyelash adhesive, do you? 22 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,800 No, sorry, Stacey. I...I've got my own eyelashes. 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,640 Attached. 24 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:14,920 Biologically. 25 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,240 - Would Karen have any? - She's 11. 26 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,520 Right. 27 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,280 - So, she wouldn't have any? - No. 28 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,640 No probs. Cheers. 29 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:32,520 One of your best mates phones from Australia and says can his daughter stay. 30 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,320 I was cornered. 31 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:37,000 She's my goddaughter. What could I have said? 32 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:41,160 You could have said, "There's a lot of nice youth hostels in Earl's Court." 33 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,600 You could have said, "No, 34 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,400 "you don't want to live in a house without eyelash adhesive." 35 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,520 Anyway, he owes us now. We could send Jake to Melbourne. 36 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,480 Not immediately but soon, maybe. 37 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,720 It's Jake I'm worried about. 38 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:58,960 - Being in the house with her...at night. - But he's got a girlfriend, hasn't he? 39 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,360 I'm not sure, really, that Stacey is his type. 40 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,920 Pete, a girl that looks like that is any man's type. 41 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,880 - DOOR SLAMS - How did the rehearsals go? 42 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,360 Miss Gregory, the other music teacher, 43 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,120 said that maybe Malachi should be Spartacus, 44 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,200 seeing as it is a musical and Malachi can sing. 45 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,400 Oh, Ben! 46 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,320 Mr Farthingwell says that it's not all about singing and... 47 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,120 Sorry, I left my undies in the dryer. 48 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,840 Oh, hi! You must be Ben, cos I've met everyone else now. 49 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:27,480 I got here this morning. I'm Stacey. Hey. Fist bump. 50 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,640 - Fist bump, Ben? - Hi...hi. 51 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:37,600 I'm going to be hanging here for a few days. Hope you're OK with that. 52 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,600 Ben. 53 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,920 Ben? You in there? Ben? 54 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,960 Ben! Ben! What happened at school? 55 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,640 Oh, yeah, Mr Farthingwell says that seeing as it's a musical... 56 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,800 I'm going to have to buy some more bras, cos my boob has just gone up a size. 57 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,520 Ha-ha! 58 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:56,240 Ben? Ben, are you still Spartacus? 59 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,080 Mm, yeah. Yeah, I'm...I'm Spartacus. 60 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,560 I'm going to my room. 61 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,000 Well, it looks like it's not Jake that Stacey's going to be having the effect on. 62 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,600 - Oh... - What? 63 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,240 Well, that's it, isn't it? 64 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,840 Only 13, but that's another one I've lost to the testosterone express. 65 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,480 - DOORBELL RINGS - Who's that? 66 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,720 Oh, that's not the baby already, is it? 67 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,920 Could be. 68 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,200 - SIREN BLARING - You would think, 69 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,320 with three children, just from the laws of probability, 70 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,840 that you would produce one who was capable of turning off the lights. 71 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,880 Ben, Karen, there are five lights on in total in your two rooms, 72 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,880 and it's not even night. 73 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,560 JINGLE PLAYING Is the big man shouting? 74 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,480 Is the big man being a big old shouty man? 75 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,320 Karen? Ben? Did you hear any of that? 76 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,200 No. You don't know what he's saying, do you? 77 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,720 To him, it's probably like a dog being told to fetch, but in Chinese. 78 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,480 Ben, you are not a dog. 79 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:58,280 You are my son, who I am asking to turn lights off. 80 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,600 - You know, babies... - BABY BURBLES 81 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,160 - learn emotions from facial expressions. - Ben. 82 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,920 - So, we could like teach them that... - What are you talking about? 83 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,080 - ..happy was an angry face... - Mm! 84 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,440 and angry was a really happy face. 85 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,520 I think if you look at my face, 86 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,120 you'll get a fairly clear idea of what angry looks like. 87 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,480 We've used this face for centuries... 88 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,120 ..when people don't turn the lights off. 89 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,640 Our electricity bill is huge. 90 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,200 They probably think we're growing cannabis in here or smelting aluminium. 91 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,280 DOORBELL RINGS 92 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:29,560 JAKE: Er...it's OK! It's just a mate! I'll get it! 93 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,600 See this? This is leopard in a tree. You used to love this when you were younger. 94 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,600 BABY CHUCKLES 95 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,920 SHE SIGHS 96 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:43,520 - Why are you staring at me? - Just wonder at how things grow, 97 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,400 and grow. 98 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,120 How much does it hurt to have a baby? 99 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,320 Yeah, well... 100 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,560 er...it's...you know, it's a lovely experience, 101 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,280 but I suppose it..it does... it does hurt a bit. 102 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:59,760 TOY JINGLES But it's sort of like a positive...pain. 103 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,880 What about that lady across the road... road that had a home birth? 104 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,440 Was that a positive pain? 105 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,120 Um... 106 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,640 Because she kept me awake all night with her screaming. 107 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,320 That would have been positive screaming. 108 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,880 "Just kill me now," she kept shouting. 109 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,240 TOY JINGLES 110 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,720 So, on a scale of one to ten, 111 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,920 say ten being your head being chopped off with a chain saw... 112 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,200 Mm-hm. 113 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:25,320 ..and one being getting lemon in a paper cut, 114 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:29,760 how painful was giving birth to Ben? 115 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,360 BABY COOS Er... 116 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:35,560 oh, how painful was it giving birth to Ben? 117 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,040 I would say... Oh! TOY JINGLES 118 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,320 Look, oh, look, he's fallen over. Look. BABY GIGGLES 119 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:41,440 On a scale of one to ten. 120 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,360 I would say t... 121 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,600 two and a half, three. 122 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:52,480 OK, so not too... not very painful at all, really? 123 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,560 But, well, it...it... 124 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,960 Yes, a little bit. 125 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,360 It was a little bit...little bit painful. 126 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,880 Are you sure only three? Cos that's not that much. 127 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,440 Er...probably about th... 128 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,040 BABY BURBLING ..five. 129 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,000 - Five? - Five, six. 130 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,680 - Five or six? - Five, six, seven. 131 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:18,280 OK, well, that's quite high, and how long does it last? 132 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:21,520 Um...it can be about, um...two hours. 133 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,640 Um...sometimes it can get to, um... 134 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,720 12, a day. 135 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,600 - What? A day? - Two...days. 136 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,200 - Two days? - Sometimes. That's very rare! 137 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,200 The human body isn't actually very well designed for childbirth. 138 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,720 Be much easier if we just laid eggs. 139 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,640 And if you change your mind, you could have a very large omelette, 140 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,400 although the Catholic Church might come out against that. 141 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,120 BABY BURBLES All right. 142 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,200 What have you done to your hands? Oops. 143 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,240 Oh, yeah, Stacey gave me these really cool fake nails. 144 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,760 Did she? 145 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,200 BABY BURBLES Oh. 146 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,720 You've got to admit, he really is cute. 147 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,160 He's...small. 148 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,280 Interestingly, at this age, they are less intelligent than a crow. 149 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:09,960 Yes, although you probably shouldn't have said that to his mother. 150 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,520 - Carlotta looked a bit... - And you do know why they're cute, 151 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,640 don't you, Dad? It's so that, biologically, we don't kill them. 152 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,480 You didn't say that to his mum, did you? 153 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,200 We're programmed to respond positively 154 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,440 to the big eyes and the big round hairless head. 155 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,920 Doesn't work for William Hague. 156 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,120 For instance, lemurs. 157 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,240 People love lemurs, and they're actually quite similar to babies, 158 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,560 although they're a bit furrier. 159 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,240 Oh, no, that is so cute! 160 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,280 Stacey, did you leave your top in the laundry room too? 161 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,120 Er...no, I've got everything. I'm just heading out. 162 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,920 Oh, that is...that... You... you're going out like that. Right. 163 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,440 I'm just going to pop that there. It's my modelling portfolio. 164 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,840 I said I'd show Karen. 165 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,040 - Is Karen interested in that? - Yeah. 166 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,480 I mean, it's just local mags and swimwear. 167 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:50,520 Were you saying something about lemurs, Ben? Because I love lemurs. 168 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,720 Ben? 169 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,320 - Lemurs. - Oh, yeah. 170 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:03,360 Erm...lemurs were originally confused with the low sloris. 171 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,240 No. Mo... 172 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,920 - No. Ro sloris? - Sloth? 173 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,440 No, no. 174 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,480 I need to, er...need to revise. 175 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,720 Aah! 176 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,440 It...it's fine. 177 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,280 I'm OK. 178 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,320 TOY RATTLES 179 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,640 Slow loris. I think it was a slow loris. 180 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,720 - DISTANT SIREN WAILS - Anyone in there? No? 181 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,360 Anyone in the bathroom? 182 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,040 No. 183 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,560 There's these things called switches, 184 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:40,120 cleverly designed so if you push them, the light goes out. 185 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:45,040 Think of a room as a giant iPod, cos you can turn them on and off all right. 186 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,000 Can you remember how to assemble these? 187 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,280 I'd forgotten you needed a degree in engineering to have a baby. 188 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,560 Is he still awake? 189 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,680 Yeah, I tried to put him down but he's still quite lively. 190 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,480 He's in there playing with Ben now. 191 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,720 You know this Stacey thing? 192 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,960 Do you think you could have a word with Ben? 193 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,360 - Oh... - Oh, go on. 194 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:07,000 I...I did all the girl stuff with Karen, and that's a lot messier. 195 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,960 Didn't we give Ben a book about sex? 196 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,160 - Did we? - Yeah, we did. 197 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,480 Because he came back and said he thought 198 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,120 that human genitalia were very poorly designed, 199 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:18,320 although I'm not sure his alternative is very practical. 200 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,320 I don't think women would want the testicles. 201 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,680 And certainly not up there. Anyway, that book should have it covered. 202 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:29,160 Pete! There was no chapter in that book entitled Not Staring At Women's Breasts. 203 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,840 ELECTRONIC VOICE: I am Satan! I eat babies! 204 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,560 Jake. Not funny. 205 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:38,400 You will be my slaves and you will buy Jake a new laptop. 206 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,800 Get out of our room! 207 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,600 - Does it go the other way up? - Hang on. I can do this. 208 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,040 It's four o'clock in the morning. 209 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,880 I haven't slept properly for weeks. 210 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,920 CLOPPING AND CLUNKING 211 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:02,440 There! There, just needed to access the muscle memory. 212 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,720 Right, I'd better... I'd better check on James. 213 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,400 DOOR SQUEAKS AND BABY BURBLES 214 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,960 TRAIN CHUFFING 215 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,360 What exactly is that, Ben? 216 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:16,320 It's a maze. I put those biscuits he liked at the far end. 217 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,160 It's OK. Chickens couldn't work it out either. 218 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,600 Probably not a good idea to experiment on non-consenting children. 219 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,160 It's something they established at the Nuremberg trials. 220 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,200 You're cleverer than a chicken, aren't you? 221 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,760 Anyway, it is way past your bedtime so come on, off you go. 222 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,520 - Do you want me to clean up? - Come on. 223 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,200 Hiya. Erm...it's all right if Alex stays over, isn't it? 224 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,240 Cos it's Saturday tomorrow 225 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,080 and we just started watching the football on the laptop. 226 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,040 - Yeah, yeah. I suppose so. - Yeah? Thanks. 227 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,360 Don't stay up all night! DOOR SLAMS 228 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,520 We won't see him before noon. He needs a Taser rather than an alarm clock. 229 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,880 Mum, could you buy me some more deodorant? 230 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,880 - Er... - Lynx Dark Temptation. 231 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,560 - OK. - Does that actually exist? 232 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,840 Yeah, you see, um... it's the chocolate one. 233 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,920 Dark Temptation? Do they do a Milk Temptation? 234 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,200 Well, it's not dark chocolate. It's just chocolate in a deodorant. 235 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:03,880 Ah, that feral-teenage-boy, fox-in-the-bin smell, 236 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,040 partially masked by chemical chocolate. 237 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,080 That'll get the girls. 238 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:12,960 Well, it might do. When I was 13, boys just smelled of cider and armpit. 239 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,360 They could do Lynx Cider & Armpit. 240 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,600 - Oh! - What the... 241 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,360 Ah, have you got James? BABY CRIES 242 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,720 I've got him. 243 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,320 - BEN: - You did want the lights turned out. - It's the whole street. 244 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,080 - I'll light some candles. - No! Ben, no! 245 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,920 It's...it's all right. I know about candles and curtains now. 246 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:31,400 BABY BURBLES 247 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,240 OK, he's quite cute. 248 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,480 - MUSIC ON TV - It's Atlantis. 249 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:40,840 - Jason's just bumped into Theo Paphitis. - TV: Medusa is cursed. 250 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,440 - Did James go down? - Yeah, he's in his cot. 251 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,400 Standing up, waving. 252 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:50,400 You know that, um...friend of Jake's, Alex? 253 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,720 - Didn't he go to Canada? - Oh, yeah. 254 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,920 - What you doing? - I'm texting Jake to come down. 255 00:11:55,920 --> 00:12:00,000 And someone needs to have a word with Stacey. 256 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:04,440 Walking around in towels and vests and...things, 257 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,680 I don't even know what they're called but they're very, very small. 258 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,680 It's not fair on Ben. 259 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,160 Someone needs to tell her to cover up. 260 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,880 - I'll give the Taliban a ring. - Seriously, Pete. 261 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,480 MUSIC PLAYING ON TV 262 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,080 You're not saying it should be me that says that? 263 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,480 You are her godfather. Aren't you responsible for her moral wellbeing? 264 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,400 I just have to keep her and the Devil apart. 265 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,600 I didn't have to swear on the Bible that I'd tell her to wear... 266 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,080 - large underwear. - What, Mum? It's late. 267 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,600 This mate of yours, Alex. Didn't he go to Canada? 268 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:35,960 Yeah, it's a different Alex. 269 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,600 - Is this Alex a girl? - Yep. 270 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,760 You never told us it was a girl! 271 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,640 Well, I never told you she wasn't a girl. 272 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,640 You know we thought she was a boy. 273 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:48,120 Dad, I can't spend my time trying to work out what you think. 274 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,000 Boy, girl, what's the difference? 275 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,920 I think you've got a really clear idea 276 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,720 what the difference between boys and girls is, 277 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,440 which is why she's not spending the night in your bedroom. 278 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,480 Everything's about sex with you two. She's just staying over. 279 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,200 Well, she isn't, actually. 280 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,160 Well, anyway, if you're worried about us having sex, she's been up there for hours. 281 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,520 We could have had sex like ten times by now. 282 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,760 So, strangely, I don't find that reassuring. 283 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,440 Does Lizzie know about this? 284 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,240 Er...Lizzie and I, we're on a break. Alex is just a friend. 285 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,440 - A friend with benefits? - Mum, no-one says that any more. 286 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,680 Anyway, she's got to stay, because she's lost her keys and her mum's away. 287 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,080 What bad luck! 288 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,360 But her mum's fine with her staying here. 289 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,360 Oh, right. Well, give me her number, I'll give her mum a ring and check. 290 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,680 She's lost her mum's number, er...cos it was a new number, 291 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,760 um...and she lost her phone in the same bag as...as her keys. 292 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,520 So, how did she ring her mum? 293 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:41,000 Well, she rang her mum before she lost her bag, Sherlock. 294 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,360 So, she rang her mum to ask if she could stay, 295 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,560 because she'd lost her key, before she lost her key, Moriarty? 296 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:53,080 No, she...asked if she could stay before she had to, 297 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,040 and then she lost her bag, with her keys in it, and now she has to stay. 298 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,320 Right, we need to talk to her. Jake, go and get her. 299 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,040 OK. 300 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,760 He's good. 301 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,920 At least we've produced an intelligent liar. 302 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,320 Still, if she stays, she can't stay in his room. 303 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:10,560 We could put her in with Stacey. 304 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,720 Yeah, but she'd just get up and go back into his room. 305 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,000 Hang on. What have we got at the moment? 306 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:18,720 We have got Stacey in Karen's, and Karen in with Ben. 307 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,880 Well, I know, then we just put her in Stacey's room, 308 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,720 and then we put Jake in with Ben. 309 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,400 She's not feeling very well. 310 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,800 Um...so she's probably not going to come down, 311 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,400 in light of the fact that she doesn't feel very well. 312 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,160 OK, I know what we'll do, then. 313 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:36,800 Um...she'll go with Stacey, and then Ben can go in with you. 314 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,040 - She's probably too ill to move rooms. - We'll carry her. 315 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,920 Do you think she'll still want to stay? 316 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,440 Oh, she'll have to. She's lost her keys. 317 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,080 SLAM We're good too. 318 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,640 TRAIN CHUFFING 319 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,640 Well, I never thought I'd see a baby projectile-vomit further than Karen. 320 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:04,000 Oh, well, we were going to redecorate. That cream wallpaper was always a mistake. 321 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,280 It's not cream now. Ben, can you turn the light off in the bathroom? 322 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,120 And his weeing, it was like a...geyser. 323 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,040 - Aah! - Sorry. Sorry. 324 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,360 I don't understand it. 325 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,280 He's so placid by day. 326 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,360 Maybe that's why Carlotta calls him the werewolf. 327 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:34,080 You agreed to look after, for the night, a baby called "the werewolf"? 328 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:39,200 Well, I thought it was ironic, like Little John in Robin Hood, 329 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,800 who is in fact very big. 330 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,520 So, you thought they called him the werewolf 331 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,720 because he was so calm at night? 332 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,400 Oh, it's cold in here. Is that radiator on? 333 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,200 No, I've turned the central heating off. 334 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,040 Well, it's the only way I'm going to stop Stacey walking around like a prostitute, 335 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,560 dressed in tea towels. 336 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,920 OK, I'll turn it back on. 337 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,360 Has Alex gone home? 338 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,160 I don't know. Maybe. I didn't get a good look at her. 339 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,880 - Did you get a good look at her, Ben? - Yeah. 340 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:14,000 Ooh, God, Jake. He's going to be in a right strop with us cos we didn't let him... 341 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,000 watch football with Alex. Freeze. 342 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,600 Morning, Mum. Morning, Dad. 343 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,640 BABY BURBLES # Doo-doo-doo 344 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,960 # We're going to the moon... # 345 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:33,520 Sue, do you think Jake found a way around our room allocation strategy? 346 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,080 I don't know, Pete. 347 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,160 He seemed far too cheerful this morning. 348 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,280 I know. What can we do? 349 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,800 No, you're right. It's pointless speculating. 350 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,280 I bet he did, though. 351 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,200 - We just have to walk away. - Yeah, OK. 352 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,440 # Zoom, zoom, zoom, we'll be there very... # 353 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,480 How do you think he did it? 354 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,600 BABY BURBLES 355 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,680 # Three, two, one... # 356 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,400 Blastoff! Whee! 357 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,920 - Can I have a go? - No. 358 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:04,960 No, it's just that, with a baby, um... being thrown in the air and caught, 359 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,760 there's quite a lot that can go wrong. 360 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,000 Oh, come on. I was about five when that thing happened at the petting zoo. 361 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,120 Seven. 362 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:14,120 I remember, because it was important in terms of legal liability. 363 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,560 SIGHS 364 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,600 DISTANT DOG BARKING 365 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:24,400 Mum, this homework they've given me is too hard so I'm giving up. 366 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,600 Don't be silly. You can't just give up. 367 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,760 - Why not? - Well, it's just...you know, it's wrong. 368 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,480 Life is about perseverance. 369 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:36,320 You...you stick at things when they get hard and you... 370 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,320 - you don't admit defeat. - You are so right. 371 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:41,640 What? 372 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,120 Well, it's wrong to just be defeatist and give up. 373 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:48,400 - This is about the hamster, isn't it? - Everyone's just forgotten about Tommy. 374 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,120 Well, he's been missing for months. 375 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:53,200 Yes, but there were those women in America who were missing for years 376 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,160 and they were still found. 377 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:59,520 Karen, no-one is holding your hamster prisoner in their basement. 378 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,960 SIREN BLARES OUTSIDE 379 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,920 Listen, Ben. 380 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,480 About sex. 381 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,520 I know they teach you the nuts and bolts stuff at school... 382 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,440 Yeah, I had to put a condom on a banana. 383 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,040 Yeah, I think you can take a GCSE in that now. 384 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,640 Yeah, but I was just wondering if you had any questions about, er... 385 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,920 behaviour around...women. 386 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,160 It's just that Jake did mention what had happened with Alex. 387 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,120 There's no lock on that door. That was an accident. 388 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,920 Right. 389 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:30,880 Well, it is quite hard to walk in on a naked woman by accident. 390 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,880 But should you come across a naked woman, you shouldn't stare. 391 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,840 Unless, of course, she's a stripper. 392 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,080 But you shouldn't be going... 393 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,800 to strippers yet, or indeed, er...at all. 394 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,960 Look, we have offered to replace Tommy. 395 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,840 But he had personality. 396 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,160 What personality? 397 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:54,840 He...he was loyal, and he had a very good sense of humour. 398 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,120 Karen, don't be... 399 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,440 What do you think we should do about him, then? 400 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,560 Nothing. 401 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,400 - We should give up? - Yeah. 402 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,280 So, it is OK to give up, then? 403 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,080 Er...only when it's something that is... 404 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,400 ..insurmountably difficult. 405 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,600 Like this homework? 406 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,440 That... It... 407 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,560 That's...that...kind of... 408 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,720 That would... Oh, that's... 409 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,320 Even if you find yourself in a situation where a woman is fully clothed, 410 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:27,400 you shouldn't stare, particularly at any particular... 411 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:29,760 particulars. 412 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:33,320 Oh, hi, guys. Er...has anyone seen my modelling portfolio? 413 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:34,800 No. 414 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,000 I thought I just left it here in your lounge room. 415 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,080 I need to learn my lines. 416 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,520 Oh. 417 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,560 Well, maybe Karen's got it. 418 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,200 BABY GRIZZLING Oh. 419 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,320 What's up with you? 420 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,600 BABY CRIES All right, all right. 421 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,360 Jake, you're doing a few little jobs at the moment 422 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,440 to earn your driving lessons, yeah? 423 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,720 - Yeah, must be about there by now. - What's the matter? 424 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,000 Could you have a word with Ben, 425 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,040 about girls? 426 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,320 And how to... 427 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,560 - behave with them. - Fine. 428 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,600 Not necessarily the way you behave. More... 429 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,640 Sure. I can do respect for women. I've had that stuff from Mum. 430 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:17,560 Oh, I've had this text from Terry and Carlotta. 431 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:22,800 "Road blocked by flood. Be back soon as poss. 432 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,160 "Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss." 433 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,560 Four kisses? 434 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,560 That spells guilt big-time. 435 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,480 Where's the hotel? Near Dungeness. I'm going on AA Roadwatch. 436 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,000 I'm not spending another night with Rosemary's Baby. 437 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,640 Let Caesar come, fight me one-on-one. 438 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,080 I need to have a chat with you about girls, Dad says. 439 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:46,880 Um...basically, they're 99 per cent exactly the same as you and me, 440 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,760 except they like Taylor Swift, 441 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:50,720 and salad. 442 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:56,160 A...a girl is...is basically a boy in a girl's costume. 443 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,400 Right. 444 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,640 Talk to them about something normal, and they'll be interested. 445 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,160 Does that work with all girls? 446 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,040 Like for instance, 447 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,600 21-year-old girls and 13-year-old boys? 448 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,080 Oh, yeah, they can't get enough of 'em. 449 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:14,520 21-year-old girls are always on websites, looking at pictures of 13-year-old boys. 450 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,280 Hang on, wait a moment. Is it the other way around? 451 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,280 Ha-ha! 452 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,920 - MUSIC PLAYING - This is called baby aerobics, 453 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,920 and we basically just copy what he's doing. 454 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,160 CHUCKLES 455 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,480 We used to play this with my baby sister. 456 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,480 And my dad, when he was off his chops on the booze. 457 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,960 MUSIC PLAYS AND BABY BURBLES 458 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,960 Oh, yeah, that's good. 459 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,440 BABY CHUCKLES 460 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,160 And don't rearrange your testicles mid-conversation. 461 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,200 They don't really like that. 462 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:51,440 So, always look 'em in the eye but not like a psychopath. 463 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,320 - Mm. - Don't stare at your feet or their boobs. 464 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,360 Unless they're not looking. But you didn't say that. 465 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,240 And... 466 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,760 - don't scratch your bollocks. - You know, talk to girls... - TEXT ALERT 467 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,320 - ..as if they're not girls, just... - Oh, crap. 468 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,440 This site, it's the same. The A259 is slow-moving. 469 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,840 There is nothing about it being blocked. They are taking the mickey. 470 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,040 Who have you told about Alex staying over? 471 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,640 No-one, obviously. Why? Has Lizzie found out about it? 472 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,400 - Well, who could have spread it about? - TEXT ALERT 473 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:24,440 Oh, God. 474 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,360 - Alex, for example? - I'm going to ring them. 475 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:31,080 Mum, could you text Lizzie and say that me and Alex slept in different rooms? 476 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,720 Well, why should she be bothered? Cos you were on a bit of a break. 477 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,680 That's right, isn't it? Or didn't she know about that? 478 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,840 - Mum, come on, a text. - I'm sorry. I'm not getting involved. 479 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,760 Do you enjoy ruining my life? 480 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,480 Jake, it's Sharika on the phone. 481 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,160 - HE MOUTHS - He says he's not in. 482 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,840 - Can I take a message? - Jesus! She's winding me up. - Mum! 483 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,480 It's gone through to voicemail. 484 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,080 Maybe the torrential floods have swept her phone away. 485 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,720 Hi, Carlotta. It's Pete. I'm sorry to hear about the flooding. 486 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,920 Although I did just happen to notice that the road is now clear 487 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,480 so we'll see you very soon... 488 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,520 indeed. 489 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,200 Yeah, OK, I'll tell him that. 490 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,560 Sharika said she didn't think you were such a sleaze-bag. 491 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,440 - OK, stop. - But he is a sleaze-bag. 492 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,160 It's like being in the middle 493 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,800 of some...teenage soap. TEXT ALERT 494 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,080 Jake, there's loads of e-mails pinging in on your laptop. 495 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:18,920 The speed of it is amazing. It's like the Arab Spring. 496 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:22,000 - TEXT ALERT - Only with Jake as General Assad and... 497 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,720 Oh, here we go. 498 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,280 "Won't make it back tonight. Big sorry! 499 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,240 "Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss! 500 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,960 "PS, have you rung? 501 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,600 "Not getting messages." 502 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,520 We could always leave him outside a police station. 503 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:39,880 Joke. 504 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,240 MUSIC ON HEADPHONES 505 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,000 Hi...Stacey. 506 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:48,640 - Sorry? - Have...have you heard about neutrinos? 507 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,280 Is that like a...is that a skin product? 508 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,280 No...no, it's a subatomic particle. ALARM WAILS OUTSIDE 509 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,200 Billions of them go through us. 510 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,080 Every day. DISTANT DOG BARKS 511 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,560 They go through us? How do they get through us? 512 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:07,160 If an atom was equivalent to the size of the universe, 513 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:12,920 a neutrino would be equivalent to the size of...a golf ball. 514 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,400 - They go through the atom... - So are you saying that 515 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,400 there are things the size of golf balls going through me? 516 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,400 Only...only if you were the size of the universe. 517 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,360 Ben, do you think I'm fat? 518 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,560 No...no, you...you're thin. 519 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,240 You're very...not very thin, just... 520 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,480 You...you're not too thin or... 521 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,720 Any...anyway, are you interested... 522 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,200 TRAIN CHUFFING ..in other subatomic particles, 523 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,880 like the Higgs...the Higgs boson? 524 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:41,920 Or quark? 525 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,080 Quark? Ha! 526 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,720 That's such a stupid name. 527 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,600 OK. MUSIC PLAYING 528 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,400 SHE CHUCKLES 529 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,280 Girls aren't interested in normal stuff. 530 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,280 MUSIC PLAYING Stacey? 531 00:24:58,280 --> 00:24:59,480 Oh, hiya. 532 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,480 Um...I'm sorry to raise this. 533 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:06,280 It's just, I was wondering if you would mind... 534 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,720 not walking about in a towel. 535 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,760 Or...or underwear. 536 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,720 Oh, this isn't underwear. It's my nightie. 537 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,920 It's just that seeing you in a limited amount of clothing 538 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,480 has effects on a 13-year-old boy. 539 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,760 - CHUCKLES - Oh, right. I got you. 540 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,120 Yeah, we're a bit more relaxed back home. 541 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,600 Are you? 542 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,720 Um...OK, well, so if you wouldn't mind covering up... 543 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,600 ..in front of Ben. 544 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,600 And Pete. 545 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:40,400 - And...and everyone, in fact. - You got it. 546 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,480 And when you're in the bathroom, would you mind, um...pulling down the blind, 547 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:47,280 only Mrs Brooks opposite has an elderly father with a pacemaker... 548 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,080 - Aw! - ..and a telescope. 549 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,200 I'm going to text them this. 550 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,240 "I know you are lying." 551 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,000 - You can't send that. - Why not? 552 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,920 Because they'll just pretend they didn't get it. 553 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,840 Do you think James has got a temperature? 554 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:07,760 No. 555 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,400 Are you sure? 556 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,600 Yeah. 557 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,320 Think again. 558 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,000 Oh, a temperature? 559 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,120 Oh, yeah. Ooh! 560 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,800 - Oh, I think you're right. - Yeah. 561 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,320 I'd better text Carlotta and let her know. 562 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:23,360 - And you think that will... - Oh, yeah. 563 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:26,960 Yeah, that way, we'll be working on a mother's hormones 564 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,120 and she'll have no defence. 565 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:30,560 DOOR SLAMS JAKE: Oh, God! 566 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,880 You think it was Alex told everyone Jake's secret? 567 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,320 Well, who else could it be? 568 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,920 Anyway, at least he's learnt something. 569 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,400 He's learnt he has to respect women. 570 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,560 Yeah, cos they all talk to each other so you can't get away with stuff. 571 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,680 No, Pete. Respect women. 572 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,880 - That's what I said, he needs... - TEXT ALERT 573 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,360 Ooh. "Road cleared. 574 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,720 "Back at lunch time." No kisses. Hm. 575 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,320 DOOR SLAMS JAKE: Oh, God! 576 00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,720 Oh, God! 577 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,840 Oh, go on, you go and talk to him. Come on, I sorted this out. 578 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:07,880 FOOTBALL ON 579 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:08,920 Jake, you know how you said 580 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,560 all that stuff about girls being from another planet isn't true? 581 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:12,960 No, they are from another planet. 582 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,440 Boys are from planet earth, 583 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:18,760 and girls come from some weird pink Death Star called Bitchita Major 584 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,720 where they all SMS each other in some PMT-crazy bitching frenzy 585 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,520 and excommunicate boys. 586 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,240 So, stay away from girls as long as you can. 587 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,040 - Jake? - I'd just like some privacy. 588 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,640 OK. Oh... 589 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,560 - DOOR SLAMS - ..it's daytime. Karen! 590 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:40,680 There's this thing called the sun, which means that you can pull back your curtains 591 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,040 - and turn off that magic switch you... - MUSIC PLAYING 592 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,920 SHE GASPS 593 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,240 I...I'd forgotten that you were in Karen's, with all the room-changing, 594 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,640 so I'll...I'll go now. 595 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,920 I'd forgotten she was in Karen's with all the room-changing, and... 596 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,880 I'd forgotten she was in Karen's with all the room... I'll put out the bins.