1 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:04,440 TV ON 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:05,760 Doctor Zhivago! 3 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,680 Yes! 4 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:10,840 Just in time for the massacre. 5 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,520 PHONE RINGS 6 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,560 TV OFF 7 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,120 Hiya. 8 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,200 - What are you up to? - 'Oh, you know.' 9 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,760 Hard at it. Just getting stuck in to some odd jobs. 10 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:23,800 'Don't forget that' 11 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,200 Dave is coming round to fix the central heating, 12 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,560 cos they're saying it could be minus seven tomorrow. 13 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,040 You're not going to do a joke about global warming, are you? 14 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,560 - No. - 'Good.' 15 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,240 Cos I heard three of those in the newsagent's. 16 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,240 Karen should be back by five 17 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:41,240 - and can you make sure she... - Don't you worry. Everything is under control. 18 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:42,680 OK, bye 19 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:45,920 Eh? 20 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,840 VOICE MAIL INDISTINCT 21 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:50,960 Oh, no. 22 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:53,880 No! 23 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:57,840 BACKGROUND CHATTER 24 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,840 OK. Melissa, so, um... 25 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,800 I've made a seating plan, so if you sit here... 26 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,640 See? "Melissa". 27 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,360 And, er, Judy, if you could sit here... PHONE RINGS 28 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:19,120 Oh, hang on. Sorry, this won't take a sec. Hello. 29 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,200 My stupid phone has been storing up voice mails from hours ago. 30 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,800 'There is one from Dave the plumber, who is stuck on another job.' 31 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,280 So he needs me to go and pick up the pump from the...pump place. 32 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,120 And the other one is from the garage, 33 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,600 saying that I have to pick up the car by 4.30 today. 34 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:36,680 But they said tomorrow! 35 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,160 No, they are closing tomorrow... 36 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,080 - But it's a bank holiday on Monday! - 'Exactly.' 37 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,240 So, if I don't shift my arse, 38 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,720 we're going to have no heating and no car for three days. 39 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,040 Sorry, you're breaking up. I didn't hear that. 40 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:52,160 Is there any chance of you getting home for Karen? 41 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,800 No! 42 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:59,200 This...this video-conferencing thing is with a potential American client 43 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,920 and they've asked me to set it up and sit in on the discussion, 44 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,960 'so they're finally taking me seriously.' 45 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,360 They're not going to take me seriously if I bunk off home 46 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,920 and cook my daughter's fish fingers. 47 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,680 'Tell Jake to cover Karen.' 48 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:13,640 SIGHS 49 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:14,760 Sorry about that. 50 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:20,800 Okey-dokey. Let's get this Skype connection up and running. 51 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,240 And...abracadabra. 52 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,720 Bish-bash-bosh. 53 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,280 Hi-ho, hi-ho, 54 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:41,080 it's off to w... I'm just going to ring IT. 55 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,640 Pick up, pick up... Ah, Jake! 56 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,440 - Any chance of a lift? - What? 57 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,360 I've lost my Oyster card, and it looks like snow. 58 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,760 You've lost... Hang on - you don't have an Oyster card. You lost it last week. 59 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,000 Yeah, I took yours. 60 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,800 So when you say you've lost your Oyster card, 61 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,880 what you mean is, you've lost my Oyster card? 62 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,520 Yeah. Bummer, eh? 63 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:02,640 Well, I can't give you a lift cos I haven't got a car, so you'll just have to buy a ticket and... 64 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,400 - I can't do that - I've got no cash. - You've got no cash? 65 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,160 - What kind of person... - PHONE BEEPS 66 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,520 Hold on a minute. 67 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,200 Hiya. 68 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,560 Karen's just texted. She's forgotten her key. 69 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:15,880 Jake is OK to let her in, isn't he? 70 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,000 Well... 71 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,680 Someone has to let her in, Pete. 72 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,840 If Mrs Delgado spots her freezing on the doorstep, she'll report us to Social Services again. 73 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,720 - No, she... - She will, Pete. 74 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,360 There'll be interviews and spot checks and... 75 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,160 it'll be Ben and the harpoon all over again. 76 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,720 'Look, I will sort it.' 77 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,480 Jake? Listen, I've got to go fetch a pump and a car and I need someone to let Karen in. 78 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,840 - I can probably make it home in time. - Good man. - Provided I get a taxi. 79 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,360 - I'm not paying for a... - PHONE BEEPS 80 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,400 Hold on. 81 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:44,840 Yeah? 82 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,280 Another text from Karen. 83 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,480 The headmistress wants to see her, so she's being kept back after school. 84 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,800 Splendid! 85 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:51,840 Splendid?! 86 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,560 No, obviously that's not splendid, no, but it does 87 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:59,200 take the pressure off a bit. Just leave it all with me, OK? 88 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,400 Still there? 89 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,880 - So, about this taxi. If... - 'No taxi, Jake.' 90 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:06,560 You've got to use your own initiative. You can't just keep forgetting stuff. 91 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,560 You need to be more organised. 92 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,360 You're 17 now - you're about to head out into the real world. 93 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:13,680 Come on, Dad, look.... 94 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,040 Can't chat - got to ring Karen. 95 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,600 PHONE RINGS 96 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,400 Come in, Karen. 97 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,200 I expect you'd like to turn that off, wouldn't you? 98 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,040 Yes, Mrs Raynott. 99 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,120 Eh? 100 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,320 Oh, I'll send a... 101 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,640 Bloody predictive text! 102 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:40,560 Why would I be sending a text to someone called Karma?! 103 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:45,040 We have invented technology that is more impatient than we are. 104 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,280 - PHONE RINGS - Ah! Ben! 105 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,200 Listen, how quickly can you get home? 106 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,240 My name is Lee. 107 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,840 - Sorry? - 'My name is Lee.' 108 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,360 I find phone. 109 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,840 I'm sorry, this is a very bad... 110 00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,600 'My name is Lee.' 111 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,520 I ring first number. 112 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,680 OK, I understand. 113 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,840 'Where are you?' 114 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,160 I am Lee. 115 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,960 Yes. Where are you? 116 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,600 No hear. Bad phone. 117 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,440 - (SLOWLY) - 'Listen, that is my son's phone.' 118 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:21,640 I tell him to come find you. 119 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,360 Where...are...you? 120 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,440 I am... 121 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,520 Lee. Yes, I think we've established that. 122 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,400 So... 123 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,000 Karen Brockman. 124 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,600 I've heard a lot about you, 125 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,360 especially in the weekly staff meetings. 126 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,760 Now then, I understand you've been having a bit of trouble 127 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,400 adapting to secondary school and that's not unusual - 128 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,400 different children react in different ways. 129 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:58,640 But I have to say, in my 19 years as a head, 130 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:03,480 this is the first time I've had one write a formal letter of complaint... 131 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,160 to the governors. 132 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,680 - Do your parents know you wrote this? - No, 133 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,440 I don't usually involve them in school stuff. 134 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,080 They just...panic. 135 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:18,400 Well, Karen, I must congratulate you on a very thorough review 136 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,360 of the school's shortcomings. 137 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,120 You've certainly saved Ofsted the bother of a visit(!) 138 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,960 I particularly like this very helpful list 139 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,560 of all the rules you think are "lame". 140 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:32,520 I wonder if you'd be kind enough to talk me through your findings. 141 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,000 Read it to me. 142 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,040 Go on. 143 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:42,880 "Number one - staff defects..." 144 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,080 Hi, Dad. 145 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,920 - Jake, listen,... - 'I'm OK to get home now,' 146 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,320 thank you for asking. Mikey lent me his Oyster. 147 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,760 Good, good. Can you just nip back to the school, 148 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,520 and can you pop into Ben's Spartacus rehearsal 149 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,520 and tell him that a Chinese man called Lee has found his phone 150 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,080 and is waiting for him in the cafe on the common? 151 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,320 'OK? I'm going to whizz out just as soon' 152 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,720 as I can find my bloody keys. 153 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,160 Oh, I've got those. 154 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,400 Well, where are your keys? 155 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,200 I wish I knew. 156 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,520 Why does this family lose everything? 157 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,520 I'm going to start nailing things to people's hands. 158 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,720 Nope, I didn't get that. Your phone is so crap. 159 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,120 Just get back here to let Karen in, OK? 160 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,680 Spare keys, spare keys, 161 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,480 spare keys, spare keys... 162 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,520 Spare keys, spare keys... 163 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:36,040 In the fruit bowl with all the fruit - where else? 164 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,760 "13 - the kitchen staff can get very rude 165 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,000 "if you ask them when they last washed their hands. 166 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,040 "14..." 167 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,880 Shall we take the remaining 12 points as read? We don't want your voice getting tired, do we? 168 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:50,320 What was your primary school like, Karen? Was it small? 169 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,440 Small and friendly? 170 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,640 Quite small, yes. 171 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,640 And I bet you got lots of gold stars, didn't you? 172 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,360 Cos at primary school they dish out gold stars for... 173 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,840 Well, for breathing, really. 174 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:06,600 But my job at this school is gradually to introduce children to the adult world. 175 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,360 So here, we get judged on performance. 176 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,040 Now, how do you feel you've been performing, Karen? 177 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:20,480 I think my performance can improve in some areas. 178 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:21,920 That's good. 179 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,760 But I think some teachers have been under-marking me. 180 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,400 Oh, yes. Point number 24. 181 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,160 How are we doing? Are we sorted? 182 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:35,160 We're fine. Jake's on his way back, I'm off to the garage - 183 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,360 everything is under control. Mrs Delgado 184 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,920 is looking at me. I'm giving her a friendly wave as I say, 185 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,680 "Burn in hell, you nosy cow." 186 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,400 (SIGHS) I've never seen one do this before. 187 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,720 Yes, you have mentioned that. 188 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:51,600 Um, what's the ETA, Brett? Only this meeting should have started three minutes ago. 189 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,840 - Have you tried switching it... - Off and on again? Yes, I have, several times, 190 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,200 because I am aware that this is a highly sophisticated piece of technology 191 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:02,280 that can sometimes be fixed by randomly switching it off and on. 192 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,720 I know. It's weird, isn't it? 193 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,840 PHONE RINGS 194 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,080 Yes, Jake? 195 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,720 They wouldn't let me on the bus. Mikey's Oyster had nothing on it. 196 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,520 He gave you an Oyster with no credit on it? 197 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,040 He didn't know - it's his dad's Oyster. 198 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,200 Oh, for... 199 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:18,720 Did you give Ben that message? 200 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,240 Er, no. He wasn't there. The rehearsal got cut short. Ben'll probably be home by now. 201 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,320 So if I get a cab, he could probably pay for it when I get there. 202 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,160 Dad? 203 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,440 Dad...? 204 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:31,960 ENGAGED TONE 205 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,360 Hmm! 206 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,120 So let me get this right, Frank. 207 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,280 You're calling us because we're paying too much for our electricity? 208 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,080 ENGAGED TONE 209 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,680 PHONE RINGS 210 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,240 Jake's just texted - he's stranded. 211 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,800 Who's going to be home for Karen? Have you contacted her? 212 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,680 No, her phone's off. But, I'll text her and tell her the spare key's in the big flowerpot. 213 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:53,400 It's illegal to leave an 11-year-old at home on their own. 214 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,440 Yeah, but the phone's busy. I think Ben must be at home. 215 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,520 It's also illegal to leave a 13-year-old in charge of an 11-year-old. 216 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,080 Yeah, but it's...less illegal. 217 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,000 "Less illegal"? 218 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,200 Yeah. 219 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,240 Also, that 13-year-old is Ben, a boy 220 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,640 who several insurance companies have blacklisted. 221 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,160 I'll ring Janet over the road 222 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,400 and see if she can cover till you or Jake gets back. 223 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,000 Fine. I'm nearly at the garage. 224 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,760 All right, ladies. Looks like we're in business. 225 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,920 Sue? 226 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,760 I-I've just got to, um... I-I-I... 227 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,360 I won't be a tick. I've just...got to... 228 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,920 SIGHS 229 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,960 Oh, hi, Janet. 230 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,520 Jane? 231 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,040 Oh! 232 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,680 Hello, Jane. 233 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,880 Yeah, do you know, actually, I rang you by mistake. 234 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,760 I meant to ring someone else - I meant to ring Ja... 235 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,760 No. No, I haven't been in touch for a while. I'm sorry about that - 236 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:58,960 things have been a bit... 237 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,240 Eight months? As long as that? 238 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,120 Yeah, well, as I say, things have... 239 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,800 Have you? Right. 240 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:13,920 - Hello. - Good afternoon. 241 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:16,440 I've come to collect my car. My name's Brockman. 242 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:21,080 - Of course. They bring out for you in a moment. Would you like a coffee? - Er, no, thank you. - Tea? Juice? 243 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,320 No, really, I'm... 244 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:23,560 We have juice-maker. 245 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:24,800 No, honestly, I'm fine. 246 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,040 Help yourself to magazine. 247 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,640 Thanks, I am in a b... 248 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,760 ENGAGED TONE 249 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:33,120 One question. What exactly is a direct debit? 250 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,160 No. Oh, OK, yeah, my parents are going to have to deal with this. 251 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,160 Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm only 13. 252 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,920 Yeah. Yeah, you're right - I do have a deep voice. 253 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,320 It's actually why I was given the part of Spartacus in school. 254 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,040 Yeah, it's about the whole story of Spartacus. 255 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,440 Except now I don't get crucified because two RE teachers threatened to resign. 256 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,760 No. 257 00:11:55,760 --> 00:12:00,120 No, i-it doesn't mean you're a bad picker of men, it's just... 258 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,520 A-ha. Li... Li... 259 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,760 Listen, Jane... 260 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,080 Mm-hm. 261 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,680 Cage-fighter. Aha... 262 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,760 Well, at least he wasn't a jihadist like the last one. 263 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,920 Oh, he was. Right. 264 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,240 Listen, now's not a great... 265 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,600 Don't cry. 266 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,000 Please, don't...don't cry. 267 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,800 Sorry to abandon you, Karen. Bit of an issue over whether 268 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,920 someone's allowed to throw a javelin whilst wearing a niqab. 269 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,280 Perhaps you might like to mention that in your next missive to the governors. 270 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,760 Biscuit? 271 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,760 Um, OK. 272 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,200 Garibaldis. 273 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,640 Tell me, Karen, do you like Roald Dahl? 274 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,120 Sorry? 275 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:46,880 Have you read much Roald Dahl? 276 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,200 When I was younger, yes. 277 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,880 And which was your favourite? Was it Matilda? I bet it was. 278 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,920 Yes, it was. 279 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:58,560 Yes, Matilda. A very special little girl who refuses to buckle under, 280 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,440 and so defeats all those stupid grown-ups. 281 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,560 It's a great story. 282 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,520 Shall I tell you something, Karen? 283 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,800 I'd ban Roald Dahl. 284 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,720 He's probably ruined more children's lives than polio. 285 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:16,080 Ruined them with the ludicrous belief that all adults are stupid 286 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,520 and can routinely be outwitted by small children and the occasional fox. 287 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,560 More bickies? 288 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,560 I will call you back in a while, I promise. 289 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,320 You just...relax and... 290 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,120 get on top of the hyperventilating thing. 291 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,760 OK, cos I... Cos I really should be in a m... 292 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,640 Oh, I...can't 'ear. You're brea'...up... 293 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,360 PHONE OFF 294 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,560 SIGHS 295 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:49,720 Yeah... 296 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,160 Oh, no! 297 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,360 I dunno. These things are great when they work, in't they? 298 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,320 You see, Karen... 299 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,640 you're a kid...and we're adults. 300 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,040 We outrank you. 301 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,120 We're stronger than you, we know more stuff than you 302 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,560 and we can reach things you can't. 303 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,760 And, yes, we may sometimes come up with some stupid rules 304 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,720 but, nonetheless, them's the rules. 305 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,880 Not all of the grown-ups in Matilda are stupid. 306 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:23,160 Her form tutor, Miss Honey, was nice. She let Matilda go and live with her. 307 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,920 In the real world, dear, 308 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,400 Miss Honey would be sacked for inappropriate behaviour. 309 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,960 Now, if you like reading, I recommend this. 310 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,200 Lord Of The Flies. 311 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:38,360 Yup. That's what really happens when children get to make the rules - corpses everywhere. 312 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,920 So, Karen Brockman, 313 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:45,440 what are we going to do about your little complaint...hmm? 314 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,520 - PHONE RINGS OUT - Actually, will it be much longer? 315 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,920 - Only I am up against a bit of... - 'Hello.' 316 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,760 Ben! You have been on the phone for ages! 317 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,120 Did you know we're paying too much for our electricity? 318 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,080 What? Look, you've lost your phone. 319 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,160 Didn't get that. 320 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,320 You've lost your phone. 321 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,840 Oh! Yeah, right. 322 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,280 I noticed I hadn't got it. 323 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,840 I thought maybe I'd left it at home. 324 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,320 Well, why didn't you borrow a phone and ring home to check? 325 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:12,880 Oh, I don't know our phone number. 326 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:16,080 You don't know your own home phone number?! 327 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:20,240 Oh, come on. Who knows phone numbers? We have phones to remember those. 328 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,400 Look, get on your bike, shoot up to the cafe on the common 329 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,480 and collect your phone from a fella called Mr Lee. 330 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,640 'Then head straight home, OK? It's very important.' 331 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,400 Karen's forgotten her key. 332 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,480 And how exactly do I recognise this Mr Lee? 333 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,800 He's a Chinese tourist in a cafe in Ealing. 334 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,000 Now, get going. 335 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,920 - MACHINE WHIRS - Excuse me. 336 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,400 Excuse me. 337 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,360 Excuse me... Hello! 338 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,440 MACHINE STOPS 339 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,480 Right, like I was saying, I am in a bit of a.... 340 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,040 Juice? Cranberry and wheatgrass? 341 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,520 - No, thank you. - Carrot and apple is very calming. 342 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,360 - No, I'm sure... - I also have beetroot, blueberry... - Yep, good. 343 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,440 - ..strawberry, banana, ginger... - Super. No, thank you! 344 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,560 I have to pick up a pump 345 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,960 and I'm a little bit worried that they might close, so if... 346 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,200 - PHONE RINGS - Excuse me. 347 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,040 Janet's not picking up. Will someone.... 348 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,680 Will someone definitely be home for Karen? 349 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,760 - Ben should be back by then. - You're breaking up. 350 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,680 - I said, Ben should be in the house because... - Still can't hear. 351 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,280 - Is this better? - Yep. Better. - Right, 352 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,720 - I said, we should be OK, because Ben... - No, you're gone again. 353 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,960 - How's this? - You're all hissy. 354 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,560 Are you sure you're not standing too close to an appliance? 355 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,960 Oh, right, yeah. Silly me. I've got my head in a microwave. 356 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,920 - Oh, so you heard that - that's excellent. Now... - You're breaking up. 357 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,040 You...you really need to replace that phone. 358 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,320 I can't hear you. 359 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,280 - Maybe it's me - I'll try moving around a bit. - I'll go outside. 360 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,760 Is this better? 361 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,720 - No, you... - Is that any better? 362 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,120 CAR ENGINE ROARS 363 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,280 Is that any better? 364 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,720 Can you hear me? 365 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,000 Yes! 366 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,240 Right, no-one move! 367 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,560 The situation is this. I'm just... 368 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,800 CHATTER 369 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,040 Excuse me. I am really up against it now. 370 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,480 When I arrived, you said my car would be ready in a moment 371 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,520 and that was quite a few moments ago. 372 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:30,000 - Of course. I chase up you at once, Mr Brockman. - Well, you... 373 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,120 PHONE RINGS 374 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,440 - Why haven't you answered my text? - Well, which one? 375 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,800 You've been sending them at the rate of about one a minute, 376 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,920 each of them saying something different. 377 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,160 - You see, this is the trouble with texting. - And he's off. 378 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:45,600 It is a licence for indecision and unpunctuality and... 379 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:50,000 - Once you've got the car, you'll pick me up outside Nando's? Right. Cheers, mate, bye. - What?! 380 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,360 - Yay! Hooray. We have liftoff. - At last. 381 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,280 Mr Johnson? Welcome. 382 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:02,240 I'm Sue Brockman, acting deputy office co-ordinator 383 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,080 here at Optimum Outcomes. 384 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,240 Er, firstly, I'd like to apologise for the delay. 385 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,640 I hope we haven't kept you waiting for too long. 386 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,440 Am I supposed to be seeing something? 387 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,920 I'm supposed to see something, aren't I? I'm not seeing anything. 388 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,280 Mr Johnson, can you... Can you hear us? Cos we can see you. 389 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,840 Mr Johnson, it's, er, Melissa - Melissa Grainger. 390 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,280 We can see you but we can't... 391 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:26,600 - Can you get Jason from IT in here? - Can you hear what we're...? - Crap never works. - This is ridiculous. 392 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,640 (MUMBLES) Brett? 393 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:34,320 OK, I've spoken to Danny and he said your car will be ready shortly. 394 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,480 Shortly? 395 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:36,520 Yes. 396 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,000 Could you be a bit more...precise? 397 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,920 It will be ready presently. 398 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:45,160 - No, you see, "presently" is no better than "shortly"... - Directly? - I - need a time, not an adverb. 399 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,400 How many minutes? 400 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:50,640 I check for you. 401 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,440 Goddamn it, Jason. This meeting with the British assholes 402 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,880 was supposed to have taken place 20 minutes ago. 403 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,400 Mr Johnson, we can hear you. 404 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,440 I hate every inch of this cr... 405 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,440 Hey, geronimo! I see something! 406 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,640 Er, hi, Mr Johnson. Er, can you see me? 407 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,320 - I see a forehead. - Ooh, right. Well, if we just...we just.... 408 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:15,000 I can't negotiate with a forehead. I have to look 'em in the eyes... 409 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,160 Is that good? 410 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,440 PHONE RINGS 411 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:21,560 Sue! I'd hugely appreciate it if you didn't take any more calls. With you in a second, Mr Johnson. 412 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,880 That's not a face. That's the... 413 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:26,080 (CHUCKLES) OK. Yeah, yeah. 414 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,280 Great, I'll tell him. 415 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,240 OK, so Barry said your car will be ready in 15 to 40 minutes...ish. 416 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,760 - They're twiddling with something. - Did he say exactly what they're twiddling? 417 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:40,400 No, the guys don't like to confuse me with technical bollocks. 418 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,800 - OK, sorry, I can't risk not collecting that pump. - When will you collect your car? 419 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,760 Presently. Directly. Shortly(!) 420 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,920 So, Karen, after careful consideration, 421 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,680 I've decided I'm going to file your little tome. 422 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,800 Actually, could you file it for me? 423 00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,320 Where, Mrs Raynott? 424 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,360 In the green, circular filing cabinet by your feet. 425 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,040 I bet you win all the arguments at home, don't you? 426 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,560 Of course you do. Cos they're family - they're your prisoners. 427 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,280 You can grind them down day after day. 428 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,040 But I'm not your prisoner, am I, Karen? 429 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,000 No, Mrs Raynott. 430 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,040 To me, you're just one child out of several hundred. 431 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:27,560 You see, Karen, everybody is unique... but nobody's special. 432 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,840 That's the real world. 433 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,760 And the real world isn't going to change, so you are going to have to. OK? 434 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,400 OK. 435 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,160 All I needed was someone to explain it to me. 436 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,320 Splendid! I sense the emergence of a team player. 437 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,760 Do you know, Karen, I once knew a little girl like you 438 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,240 a long, long time ago. 439 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,440 She was clever. 440 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,720 She had lots of opinions, which she loved to share. 441 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,000 She thought she was the centre of the universe 442 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,400 and she didn't think the rules should apply to her. 443 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,160 And do you know what happened to that strong-willed little girl? 444 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,440 Did she become a head teacher? 445 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,080 No, she got expelled. She's in prison now. 446 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,760 Turns out the rules did apply to her after all. 447 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,560 Bye-bye, Karen. Enjoy the book. 448 00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,960 Oh! Phew! 449 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,520 I was worried you'd be closed. 450 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:26,440 It's Mr Brockman. I've come to collect a pump for my central heating. 451 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,040 It's 112 pounds, please. 452 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,120 Just in time, eh? 453 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:36,160 There's talk of blizzards tomorrow. So much for global warming, eh? 454 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:39,480 Yeah, although, actually... 455 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:40,840 What? 456 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,680 Doesn't matter. 457 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,840 'Hi. This is Ben. Sadly, I'm afraid I'm unavailable to talk right now 458 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,640 'as I've been abducted by aliens. 459 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:56,320 'Please leave a message. Aargh! 460 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,640 'They're probing me!' 461 00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:58,880 BEEP 462 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,560 Ben, it's Dad. Are you home yet? 463 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,360 This is coming up blocked. 464 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,200 It must be so cool being Chinese. I mean, there's so many of you, 465 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,560 it must be really easy to find people with the same interests as you. 466 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,840 There's only 70 million people in the UK 467 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,320 and I still haven't found anyone like me. 468 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:20,000 And you get to eat snakes and sea slugs and birds' nests and stuff like that. 469 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,920 Also, in China, do you guys send out for English takeaways? 470 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,920 You talk fast. 471 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,240 - MR JOHNSON: - '..fully baked before this thing is ready to roll.' - OK. - 'Um, 472 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,200 'you know what? I think Bob from our Zurich office 473 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,320 'needs to be in on this conversation. Is there any way can we patch him in?' 474 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:40,160 Oh, I'm sure we can manage that, can't we, Brett? 475 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,360 Irregular spending pattern? 476 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:48,560 Yeah, well, you can't just block my card without war... 477 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:49,960 You sent me a voice mail? 478 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,600 Oh, well, I will probably get that sometime next month. 479 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,880 Yes, I can definitely confirm that I am me, 480 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,560 and I'm really in a hurry so... 481 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,320 My memorable place? OK, my memorable place is... 482 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,520 ..Arsenal? 483 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,920 OK, then it's Ealing. OK, it's not Ealing. 484 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,720 Look, I've had this card for ages! 485 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,040 Er... 486 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,480 Edinburgh. 487 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:15,920 Torbay. 488 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,200 Lindisfarne. 489 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,320 'And so we're going to go through those steps, and I have to 490 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,840 - 'dot all the T's and cross all the I's...' - PHONE CHIMES 491 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,600 '..to make sure that we're kosher with the folks upstairs. But I'll tell you this... 492 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:33,560 'Er, you folks are certainly, right now, my number-one pick, er... 493 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,080 provided that you are able to...' 494 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,280 Oh! 495 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,480 SUE: I'm sorry. 496 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,120 Don't call me. I'll call... 497 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:42,520 My mother's maiden name is Hatton - is that not enough? 498 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,000 My favourite colour is blue. 499 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,360 W-We had a cat called Timmy. I... 500 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,760 - PHONE RINGS - Oh, Sue. 501 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,920 This had better be fantastically important! 502 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,400 No, it's a credit-card check. 503 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,600 Can you remember my memorable place? Because I can't. 504 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,360 - I should have picked a more memorable memorable place, but I... - 'All right. OK,' 505 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,000 just... Just calm down. 506 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,600 I've lost you. 507 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,040 Oh, this bloody phone... 508 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,080 Calm down. Your memorable place is... 509 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,800 DRYER WHIRS 510 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,080 ..the same as... 511 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,280 DRYER STOPS 512 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,360 Your memorable place is the same as 513 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:14,160 - 'my memorable place.' - Oh, that is... 514 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,080 It's where we first met. 515 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,200 Right, so that's, um... 516 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:20,680 ..Yates's Wine Lodge? 517 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,840 No, where we first met. For the first time. 518 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,440 Oh, right, where we... Where we... Where we... 519 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,360 First met. The place where... 520 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,720 You can't remember where we first met, can you? 521 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,600 - Sue, I'm under a lot of pressure here. - For God's sake, it's New... 522 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,640 LINE BREAKS UP 523 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,800 Sue, you're breaking up. I missed the second bit. 524 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:38,840 New... 525 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,160 LINE BREAKS UP 526 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:42,960 No, I missed the same bit again. 527 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,040 Oh! 528 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,440 Right. OK, listen, it's definitely got the word "new" in it. 529 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,080 What do you mean, that's not enough?! 530 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:57,800 OK, um, New Cross. New Malden. 531 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,440 Newcastle-upon-Tyne. 532 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,440 Newcastle-under-Lyme. 533 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,840 New...sagent. 534 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:08,400 Hello? 535 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,160 OK, I'm nearly home now. 536 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,000 SUE: 'OK, let me check I've got this right.' 537 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,520 Our 11-year-old daughter 538 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:21,280 is most likely standing on our doorstep, in full view, frozen solid. 539 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,560 And we have absolutely no idea where her brothers are. 540 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,240 That's the gist of it, yeah. 541 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,760 And we have no heating and no car. 542 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,200 Nope. 543 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,880 But the good news is... Karen's not standing on the doorstep. 544 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,040 'That's not good news!' 545 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,400 Where the hell is she? 546 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,400 Listen, I'm going to ring the school. 547 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,240 Don't worry. I'll ring you back. 548 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,920 - KAREN: - Is that you, Dad? 549 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:44,520 Yeah, I'm just... 550 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:55,240 - I thought you'd forgotten your key! - Yeah, turned out it was in my inside coat pocket. 551 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,280 Oh. 552 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:57,520 - PHONE RINGS - It... 553 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,200 Ben, is that you? 554 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,800 I can't hear anything - your phone's crap. 555 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:07,040 Where in God's name are you? 556 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:10,120 I'm at the cafe on the common with Mr and Mrs Lee and their friends. 557 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:13,320 Listen, if we ever go to Shanghai I've got loads of addresses. 558 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:19,600 - Can I bring some of them home for tea? - Ben, I've had a very difficult day and I really don't want to be... 559 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,840 invaded by Chinese hordes. 560 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,920 That's a bit racist. 561 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,840 "Chinese hordes" isn't racist. 562 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,840 - Oh! Oh, oh, I thought you said "whores". - What? 563 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,880 - SHOUTS: - Chinese whores! 564 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,040 You need to replace that phone. 565 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,440 DOOR BELL RINGS 566 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,280 Ben...just...come home now. 567 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,680 - RINGING CONTINUES - All right, all right! 568 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:47,200 Oh! Let me guess - you've lost your key. Or, rather, you've lost my key. 569 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,440 Er, no. I've lost the feeling in my hands - 570 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,880 couldn't turn the bloody thing. 571 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,400 Thanks for picking me up, by the way(!) 572 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,160 I couldn't get the car...or the pump. 573 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,560 They refused my card, and I forgot my memorable place. 574 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,640 You forgot something? 575 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,600 Ah, well, you need to be more organised, Dad. 576 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,320 You're nearly 49 now. 577 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,120 - Yes, OK. - You'll be heading out 578 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,280 - into the real world soon. - OK. 579 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,680 I'm going to make a cup of tea. Who else would like one? 580 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:14,960 Did you hear that? 581 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,040 Yes. 582 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,280 Any takers? 583 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,920 Yes, I'd like one, please, Karen. Thank you. 584 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,720 METAL CLANGS 585 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:24,760 What was that? 586 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,720 Oh, that's the plumber. I let him in earlier. 587 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:29,920 Dave? 588 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,160 - Dave? - Yeah? 589 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:37,360 Listen...I couldn't get that pump. I'm really sorry. 590 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:38,960 Oh, don't worry. 591 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,720 Turns out I had another one in the back of the van. 592 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,560 You had one? 593 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,960 Yeah. I left another voice mail, couple of hours ago. Didn't you get it? 594 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,680 No. 595 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,680 No, I didn't. 596 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,080 PHONE RINGS 597 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,240 Hello. 598 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,880 Hi, Mum. Yeah. No, everyone's accounted for here. 599 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,120 - How's your big meeting going? - 'Well...' 600 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:09,680 we had some problems, but everything seems to be sorted now. 601 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:14,640 '...a very valid point. I am going to have to confer with Bob on this. 602 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,520 'Bob, do those numbers make sense to you?' 603 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,440 So, everything's all right at home? 604 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,680 Everything's good. 605 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,840 Although Dad does need a new phone. 606 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,240 Ah, yeah, I know... 607 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,920 No, he needs to get a new phone because he's stamping on this one. 608 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,000 Stamping? 609 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,640 Yeah, kind of stamping. 610 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,000 Kind of hard to describe. 611 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,000 Have you ever seen Riverdance?