1
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Okay now,see,here's a good example of a plant that you can't eat.

2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:05,430
See all the spikes?

3
00:00:05,430 --> 00:00:08,570
So two things. One,it's poisonous. And two,it would hurt.

4
00:00:08,570 --> 00:00:10,600
The parks department has so many programs.

5
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,300
Jerry's in charge of our preteen nature hikes.

6
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:16,050
For a while,it was a teenage nature hike.

7
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:19,090
But then we changed it because a girl got pregnant.

8
00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:22,150
Look what we have here. Country honeysuckle,

9
00:00:23,550 --> 00:00:24,960
Yeah,take a look at that.

10
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,980
It's pretty and it smells good.

11
00:00:26,980 --> 00:00:29,350
- Mm,smells great. - Yeah,it's really nice.

12
00:00:32,050 --> 00:00:34,910
Oh,that's bitter. Leslie,you don't eat it.

13
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:37,130
Why did you let me eat that? I never told you to eat that.

14
00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:40,120
Oh,god. Leslie,the animals know you don't eat the country honeysuckle.

15
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,020
I'm not an animal. My tongue is swelling up. No,no,don't touch--

16
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,850
okay,now you'll have to throw that away.

17
00:00:44,850 --> 00:00:46,190
Let's not scare the kids. Okay.

18
00:00:46,190 --> 00:00:50,110
Well,there we go then. So let's show 'em what other plants we could eat,jerry.

19
00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:53,800
But I have to say it's a very sweet aftertaste though.

20
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,610
So I have a piece of good news.

21
00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:31,420
I've invited a reporter to come do an article about the pit behind your house.

22
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:36,760
She writes for the pawnee journal,which is kind of like our town's washington post.

23
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,220
That sounds really good.

24
00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:42,880
Thank you,ann. It is a classic strategy.

25
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,390
The press is a weapon,and you can use it to kill people or to feed people.

26
00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:49,120
You know,the beginning of projects are very vulnerable.

27
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'cause the momentum of that can kind of keep it alive,or else it'll die.

28
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,860
I mean,I'm sure you remember the tucker park graffiti removal project.

29
00:01:57,860 --> 00:02:01,620
The tucker parker graffiti removal project was a great idea

30
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,170
that just ran out of steam.

31
00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:06,770
We had removed five cartoon penises--not even 10%--

32
00:02:06,770 --> 00:02:08,880
when we were shut down due to lack of funding.

33
00:02:09,470 --> 00:02:13,150
To this day,I am haunted by those remaining penises.

34
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,430
One penis in particular.

35
00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:20,140
Now when the reporter gets here,it is vital

36
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that we all follow my rules about how to deal with the media.

37
00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:25,300
Rule number one: Stay on message.

38
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:30,350
This is key. All we need to talk about is the pit,

39
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,840
and the fact that we're gonna turn it into a park.

40
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,270
And that's it. Okay?

41
00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:36,220
Number two: What?

42
00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:39,670
Stay on message again? Yes,it's that important.

43
00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:43,260
It's one and two. Stay on message and stay on message. Right?

44
00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:44,920
Stay on what,ann?

45
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,100
Message. Great.

46
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:49,600
Leslie formed a committee to fill the pit in a week,

47
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,560
which is really impressive.

48
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:56,720
I mean until now,my only experience with government was trying to get a recycling bin.

49
00:02:57,860 --> 00:02:59,650
Wait. Did I ever get it?

50
00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:01,470
Bye,leslie. Bye,ann.

51
00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:05,010
Hey,mark. Yeah.

52
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,110
Buy you a cup of coffee?

53
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:15,670
This is jj's diner,the unofficial meeting place of pawnee's political elite.

54
00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:18,340
The people who eat here basically run this town.

55
00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:22,330
So listen,I was hoping maybe I could pick your brain about how to deal with the media.

56
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:23,850
It's my first interview.

57
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:26,740
What about that thing you did for the middle school newspaper last year?

58
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,600
Oh,no. I don't count that.

59
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,000
That was a smear job.

60
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:34,320
So I put together some discussion topics. Can I run them by you?

61
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,360
Okay.

62
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:40,330
What do you think her opening gambit is gonna be? What is she gonna ask me first?

63
00:03:40,330 --> 00:03:42,870
How you spell your name. Of course.

64
00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:47,120
Because of the silent K. You're so smart. Yeah.

65
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,970
Okay,now should I give her a tour of the building? How many discussion questions do you have there?

66
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:52,890
Uh,30.

67
00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:57,760
You're insane. You're insane.

68
00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:05,730
Mark and I made love once. And it was very intense.

69
00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:11,870
Hi,I'm looking for leslie knope. Okay.

70
00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:13,970
Oh,my ears are ringing.

71
00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:18,720
I'm leslie knope. I'm the deputy director of parks and recreation.

72
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,840
Shauna. Malwae-tweep. Yes,I am familiar with your work.

73
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,410
I've read everything you've ever written.

74
00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:27,550
You did an amazing in-depth article on the raccoon problem here in pawnee.

75
00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:33,120
Who left the door open? No! No! No!

76
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:36,960
And I agree with you. They are nature's bandits.

77
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,770
Thanks. I was happy with that line.

78
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:44,330
So,uh,can I give you a quick tour before we get started? I've been here before. A few times.

79
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:48,000
Quick tour? Okay.

80
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:55,010
There are three murals here in the hall. And this is called "the trial of chief wamapo."

81
00:04:55,010 --> 00:05:01,640
And he was convicted of crimes against the soldiers.

82
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:07,080
I am always amazed at his... quiet dignity.

83
00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:11,170
Right before he's killed by a cannonball.

84
00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:14,230
I'm surprised no one's complained about this. Oh,tons of people have.

85
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,310
Yeah,we get letters every day.

86
00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:20,620
This is ron swanson,our boss. Ron,this is the reporter I was telling you about. No comment.

87
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:22,190
About what?

88
00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:26,420
Hey haverford,maybe one day you'll figure out how to spell a three-letter word.

89
00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:27,580
Pssh,come on,ron.

90
00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:32,250
I play a lot of online scrabble with my boss,ron swanson,and oh,my god,

91
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:35,070
that guy is the best.

92
00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:37,880
He beats me every time. He kills me. He's awesome.

93
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,360
I can't beat him. I should just close my account.

94
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,210
Well,shauna,this is our crack team. Hi,everyone.

95
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:47,640
Tom haverford. Boy genius.

96
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,880
Smooth like milk chocolate. That's a weird way to describe me.

97
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:55,700
April ludgate,19. Cool enough to be invited anywhere and chooses to be here.

98
00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:59,150
And finally,we've got ann perkins and andy dwyer.

99
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,310
They're the real heroes of this story.

100
00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:03,530
Ann was the citizen who brought the pit to our attention.

101
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,770
And andy is the citizen who fell in it.

102
00:06:06,770 --> 00:06:10,520
Great. It's cool if I record this,right?

103
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,780
Yeah. Good.

104
00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:16,850
That way it's verbatim.

105
00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:20,850
So leslie,you're in charge of the committee.

106
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:27,960
I'm sorry. It'S... it's actually called a subcommittee,not a committee,so.

107
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,040
Um,we can do all this on tape.

108
00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,580
Right. Sorry. Sure we can.

109
00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,590
And this is where you meet generally?

110
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:43,600
Really? We meet at a bunch of different places. We don't always meet here.

111
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,600
So I didn't quite know How to answer that.

112
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:50,080
the rest of your team some questions and then we will come back to you later?

113
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,490
Okay,great. That's good. Because these are the real heroes.

114
00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:53,450
I'm gonna be in my office.

115
00:07:01,270 --> 00:07:03,910
So andy,tell me about the night you fell into the pit.

116
00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:06,210
Oh,yeah. That's actually a great story.

117
00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:09,860
Um,I just finished up a gig with my band three skin,

118
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:13,210
formerly foreskin,but our bassist left for personal reasons.

119
00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:18,220
And I was taking the shortcut home,and I thought I saw a toaster lying in the pit.

120
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,710
And I was like,"maybe I should get that."

121
00:07:20,710 --> 00:07:24,860
And I fell in and broke my legs. Such a tragedy.

122
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:27,230
Why would you want a toaster that's lying at the bottom of the pit?

123
00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:29,030
I don't know. I was pretty wasted.

124
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:32,220
Wait-- You were drunk? Oh,yeah. Totally.

125
00:07:32,220 --> 00:07:35,880
You knew that. I didn't know that,no. You should've told me,

126
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,700
because we gave you anesthesia at the hospital.

127
00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:41,190
I was probably not thinking 'cause I had two broken femurs and I was,like,blackout drunk.

128
00:07:41,190 --> 00:07:44,330
Andy,I just--I can't-- I can't believe I'm just finding this out right now.

129
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,050
Oh,like you're perfect. You're on the pill. You drink all the time.

130
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,940
You're allowed to do that. Stay on message.

131
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:52,480
Thank you so much for bringing that up in front of a reporter.

132
00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:57,630
Leslie,it's not that bad,right?

133
00:07:57,630 --> 00:08:01,040
I mean,why don't we just go back in there and talk about the park?

134
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,570
Oh,ann. You're so sweet and innocent and pretty.

135
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:09,490
The press are like sharks,and you guys just dumped a bucket of chum in the water.

136
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:14,660
Hey,I just got your 15 texts.

137
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:20,170
Listen. Thank you for coming. I...I tried to stay on message.

138
00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:22,770
But then,ann and andy sandbagged me.

139
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:28,180
Andy was drunk when he fell in the pit. And it turns out that ann is on birth control pills.

140
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,960
Shauna is in the conference room,

141
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,410
and she's writing a really bad article and it's gonna destroy us all.

142
00:08:33,410 --> 00:08:35,020
Please fix it.

143
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,510
April. Let me ask you something.

144
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:44,900
Do you think I'm in the top five best-looking indian guys in pawnee? No.

145
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,250
Who do you think's got me beat? That guy that teaches city planning? Tommy boy.

146
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:51,230
Let me tell you something,tom. You suck at scrabble.

147
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:52,940
I know. You're destroying me.

148
00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:55,870
You're worse than my ex-wife,and she's terrible at scrabble.

149
00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:57,470
And she's a bitch.

150
00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:01,090
Look out,man. I'm gonna get one of these days. I'm practicing. Yeah,I doubt that.

151
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:04,100
Her name is tammy swanson and she's a serious bitch.

152
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:12,000
Hey,leslie. Um,I have to go. Let's do the interview tomorrow morning at the pit.

153
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:17,080
Yeah. Perfect. Great. I'll have a photographer meet us there.

154
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,290
Okay. Great. See you then.

155
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,470
Disaster averted.

156
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:24,560
That was easy. Okay.

157
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,390
Can we go in your car? Absolutely.

158
00:09:26,390 --> 00:09:28,230
All right. 'Cause I hate driving.

159
00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:31,830
There's a beautiful view from over there.

160
00:09:31,830 --> 00:09:35,120
This is a great place to take a shot. Over there as well,so.

161
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:35,880
I think you're fine.

162
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:44,710
Hi!

163
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:48,520
Hi. Sorry I'm late. Oh,no problem.

164
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:53,820
Do you live near mark? No,not at all.

165
00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:57,900
So he gave you a ride somehow? Yeah.

166
00:09:59,010 --> 00:10:00,310
You know,do you have a pen?

167
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:02,830
'Cause I don't-- No,sorry.

168
00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:05,730
Michael,do you have any paper I could borrow? I might,yeah.

169
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:09,010
I don't mean to complain,but I think shauna is being a little unprofessional.

170
00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:11,320
She got here 15 minutes late.

171
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,770
She's wearing the same dress she wore yesterday.

172
00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:16,270
And she had to get a ride from...

173
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:27,150
So how big is this lot?

174
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:31,680
Leslie,how big-- What?

175
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,070
How big is the lot? How big is what?

176
00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:35,240
The lot. I don't know. You tell me. How big is the lot?

177
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:40,120
100 or something. Give or take 100. I don't know.

178
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,030
100 what? I don't know,shauna. Malwae-tweep. I don't know.

179
00:10:43,030 --> 00:10:45,640
I don't-- I guess I don't know anything.

180
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,850
Are you okay? I have to get something from my car.

181
00:11:05,450 --> 00:11:08,800
What are you doing? Kicking ron's butt at scrabble.

182
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,770
Just played "lexicons" for a billion points.

183
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,760
No,no,no,no,no. What?

184
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,380
I was letting him win,dumbass.

185
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,040
Whatever.

186
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:20,870
Oh,come on. "Lateral?" "Communal?" "Zonal?"

187
00:11:20,870 --> 00:11:25,030
You dropped a z in there? April.

188
00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:27,970
So when did you start at the parks department?

189
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:31,500
Well,uh,it was a few years ago.

190
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,260
My mother got me the job.

191
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,610
I was qualified. It's not like it was nepotism.

192
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:41,540
Crap on a stick. Okay,technically,yes,it was nepotism.

193
00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:44,670
But--oh,my god. Sorry.

194
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:48,150
It's not you. I just--I'm exhausted. I got,like,zero sleep last night.

195
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:01,260
Hey,leslie. You're home.

196
00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:05,310
Yeah,I'm home. I was doing an interview at the pit,and it was going really well.

197
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:06,940
In fact,it was going perfect.

198
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:11,650
But I decided to leave in the middle of it 'cause I figured I nailed it so why push it,right?

199
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:13,170
Yeah. Can I come in?

200
00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:15,280
Uh,sure. Great. Come on in.

201
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:21,690
So how'd it go? She didn't ask about andy being drunk,did she? Uh,no.

202
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:24,290
No,just your kind of standard questions.

203
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,680
There was one annoying thing.

204
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,700
She and mark had sex with each other.

205
00:12:29,630 --> 00:12:33,170
You're kidding. I wish I was,but I'm not. They did it.

206
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:38,260
Shauna malwae-tweep and mark brendanawicz had sex with each other last night.

207
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:41,520
Who had sex? That guy mark and the reporter.

208
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,910
Called it. I called that.

209
00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:45,700
Remember that? Yeah.

210
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:47,730
He did,actually. He totally called that.

211
00:12:47,730 --> 00:12:51,100
Why do men have to behave like this? Why can't they be professionals?

212
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:55,140
Men are dogs. You know,maybe-- maybe they really like each other.

213
00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:57,370
he doesn't like her.

214
00:12:57,370 --> 00:13:02,910
He was probably thinking with the head of his weiner instead of the head of his brain. Oh,god. Andy,come on.

215
00:13:02,910 --> 00:13:04,660
Men do that. It's disgusting.

216
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,100
Well,I should go talk to him.

217
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:11,680
Make sure that he didn't say anything to hurt the project. Yeah.

218
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,920
Definitely you should talk to him. Yeah.

219
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,910
Good idea,ann. I bet he didn't use a condom.

220
00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:18,570
Andy,god!

221
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:21,820
Hello,mark. May I come into your office?

222
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:23,630
I need to speak with you about something very sensitive.

223
00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:26,440
Something's come to my attention that requires your attention.

224
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:30,760
It has come to my attention that you had sex with ms. Malwae-tweep.

225
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,220
Uh,that's personal.

226
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:35,990
It's unethical and it's irresponsible for a public servant to have sex

227
00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:37,870
with a member of the press corps.

228
00:13:37,870 --> 00:13:42,370
Especially when you have sex with someone who is so skanky. I mean,have sex with her? I di--

229
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,420
I'm gonna say something. I don't want you to take it the wrong way.

230
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,050
But you're being a huge dork.

231
00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:57,720
Well,I can't allow that kind of behavior from someone serving on my subcommittee.

232
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,970
Well then I resign from your subcommittee.

233
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,340
Shauna malwae-tweep.

234
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:13,780
Hi,this is deputy director of parks and recreation-- Leslie?

235
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:15,120
Yes,hi. Hi.

236
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:19,710
I accidentally ate an old burrito. What?

237
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:27,940
I was acting strange at the pit and the reason is because I had food poisoning...

238
00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:29,810
from an old burrito.

239
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:35,760
So...I was hoping we could have a do-over interview.

240
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,420
Maybe over lunch. I'm buying.

241
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,860
Yeah,I guess I'm free. I'm assuming not mexican.

242
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:42,610
Oh.

243
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,290
Yeah,well it wasn't a mexican burrito.

244
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:54,810
Are you sure that's the best thing for you right now?

245
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:56,910
Oh,it's the best thing on the menu.

246
00:14:57,850 --> 00:15:02,520
So look,I feel like I may have gone a little off message at the pit.

247
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,410
Yeah,you seemed a little weird. Well,I wouldn't say weird. It's just,

248
00:15:05,410 --> 00:15:09,640
we're trying to turn a dangerous eyesore into a beautiful community park

249
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:14,250
and a positive article could go a long way towards making that happen.

250
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:19,170
Great. So what do you think the odds are that this park is actually gonna get made?

251
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,080
Can I say over 100%?

252
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,110
Because I would be lying if I said less.

253
00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:28,270
You seem a lot more confident than some of the other people I've spoken to.

254
00:15:28,270 --> 00:15:30,200
Can I read you some of these quotes?

255
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:35,060
Be my guest. "The sullivan street pit is always going to be a pit."

256
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,600
Well,until it turns into a park.

257
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,950
Yes,I agree.

258
00:15:42,850 --> 00:15:48,170
"Hey,you should write an article on unicorns,because they're more likely to exist than this park."

259
00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:50,560
Oh,really? Tell that to a 14-year-old girl.

260
00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:56,060
"You should write an article on the pope getting married,because that's more likely to happen than this park."

261
00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:58,310
There are some countries where the pope can be married.

262
00:15:58,310 --> 00:16:01,680
"You should write an article on talking monkeys." Really? Have you seen the wizard of oz?

263
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,760
"You should write an article about leprechauns. Leprechauns exist.

264
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,630
"You should write an article about the sun falling out of the sky."

265
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:11,020
Why would you write an article about that? That's-- This one is just "no."

266
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:17,630
Um,"this park is never,ever,ever,ever going to happen."

267
00:16:20,820 --> 00:16:23,960
Might I ask who said that? Uh,mark brendanawicz.

268
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,920
Yeah. Hey.

269
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,120
Hi. Can I talk to you for a second?

270
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,290
Yeah,what's up?

271
00:16:35,290 --> 00:16:39,780
Uh,you and I need to find a way to fix this reporter thing.

272
00:16:39,780 --> 00:16:42,530
Why is this a big deal to anybody?

273
00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:47,010
Well apparently,the reporter is gonna print everything you said to her.

274
00:16:47,010 --> 00:16:48,490
But I didn't say anything to her.

275
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:52,630
"The park is never,ever,ever,ever getting built?"

276
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,620
But that stuff was off the record.

277
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:58,430
Did you say it was off the record?

278
00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:00,720
Do you have to say it's off the record? Oh,my god.

279
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,260
Hey. Thank you so much for meeting us.

280
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,990
Sure. Hey,mark. Hey.

281
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:18,290
Uh...I heard that you were gonna print some of that stuff that I said in private about the park.

282
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:19,960
Oh,yeah. My editor loves it.

283
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,920
You know we'd really appreciate it if you didn't print that stuff

284
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,930
'cause we're trying to build this park-- I don't understand.

285
00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:28,130
You did say it,right?

286
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,530
Technically. Technically?

287
00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:33,070
Well,you know,

288
00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:37,520
you got up because you had to write the article and I said,"come on,stay in bed.

289
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,940
That park is never,ever,ever gonna get made."

290
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:43,240
Right. And then I came back to bed.

291
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,920
Yeah,but the important part of what I said was "stay in bed."

292
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,610
You know,I would've said anything at that point if I thought it would make you stay in bed.

293
00:17:52,730 --> 00:17:57,620
Okay,well since we're,you know,romantically involved,I won't print any of it.

294
00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,450
Oh,that's great. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

295
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:03,400
You know... I wouldn't say romantically involved.

296
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:08,420
You know,going forward. Oh,my god.

297
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,560
What?

298
00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:16,410
Ron swanson Tom.

299
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,580
Ron,I don't know what to tell you,man.

300
00:18:24,580 --> 00:18:26,020
April got on my computer.

301
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:30,200
Password was saved. She played a couple of scrabble words. It wasn't me.

302
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,560
I don't even know what lexicons are. I thought that was a luxury automobile.

303
00:18:34,390 --> 00:18:36,560
You're the word king. She was probably cheating.

304
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,990
I knew that couldn't have been you. You don't have the vocabulary.

305
00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:42,820
I know. You can't even spell vocabulary.

306
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:47,060
Uh,yeah. V-o-g-x--ugh!

307
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,960
Was that right? No.

308
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:53,010
We're cool.

309
00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:59,480
I'm not an idiot. I know tom has been losing to me on purpose. But I like tom.

310
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,130
He doesn't do a lot of work around here.

311
00:19:02,130 --> 00:19:05,610
He shows zero initiative. He's not a team player.

312
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:08,160
He's never one to go that extra mile.

313
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,390
Tom is exactly what I'm looking for in a government employee.

314
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,170
Hey,you busy?

315
00:19:18,170 --> 00:19:23,360
Well I'm writing an op-ed piece about media ethics for the pawnee journal,so yeah,I'm a little busy.

316
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,770
I wanted to apologize to you.

317
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:31,170
Really? Yeah.

318
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:42,550
I never should've done anything with that reporter. Whoa! You nailed malwae-tweep? Nice.

319
00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:46,550
Yes,but...I'm not gonna do it again.

320
00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:48,540
It's over. So she's available.

321
00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:51,350
I really did think that that stuff that I said was off the record.

322
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:54,700
But you were right,and I should've listened to you.

323
00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:58,280
I tried to get her to pull some of those quotes and things got a little dicey.

324
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,690
Well,I appreciate you trying.

325
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:06,110
Would you like to be reinstated onto our subcommittee?

326
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:10,880
Absolutely. You'll have my answer within the month.

327
00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:13,670
Mark,can I ask you a question?

328
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:17,480
You didn't really believe it when you said that the park was never gonna get made,right?

329
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,060
Park's gonna get done.

330
00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:24,170
Welcome back,subcommittee member mark brendanawicz.

331
00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:28,750
Thank.

332
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,230
Thank you. Thank you.

333
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,340
Thank you. Thanks,a lot. Thank you a lot.

334
00:20:33,210 --> 00:20:36,880
Oh,man,that dude has stuck it in some crazy chicks.

335
00:20:41,050 --> 00:20:45,170
Well,the article came out,and it was a mixed bag.

336
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,780
"An abandoned lot on sullivan street has been proposed as the site of a new park."

337
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,000
That part's good. I think we stayed on message for that part.

338
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:57,170
And then it gets a little unpleasant,da-da-da,pretty drunk. Ann's on the pill.

339
00:20:57,170 --> 00:20:59,070
I didn't throw up,I spit up.

340
00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:00,580
Jj's diner gets a nice mention.

341
00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:04,420
Oh,and right here. At the end. She writes,and I quote,

342
00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:06,290
"we'll see."

343
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,290
Ends on a hopeful note.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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