- Can I run something by you? - Sure. I love having things run by me.
I feel like you're being sarcastic.
No, no. I'm not. I genuinely love it.
Run it by me. Go ahead. Go go.
So I've been worried that Ann maybe thinks
that our relationship isn't moving forward fast enough.
And so I'm wondering if maybe I should ask her
if she would like to move in with me.
Good idea? Bad idea? You tell me.
I would say that some women won't consider moving in with someone
unless they think marriage is in the future, which I know is...
I intend to marry her.
For realskies?
I'm not really quite sure how I feel.
It's a little weird. I'm happy for them. They're my friends.
I'm nauseous.
If I could just sum it up in one word, it would be...
- Feygnasse Team -
.:: La Fabrique ::.
Episode 221 94 Meetings
mpm - lestat
Parks and rec.
Confirming what?
That's not possible.
Why are there six people outside who say they're waiting to meet with me?
So you know how you love me because you haven't had
a single meeting with anyone since I became your assistant?
That's because every time someone calls
and requests a meeting with you,
I always schedule it for march 31st.
- Why? - I didn't think march 31st existed.
30 days has September, April, March, and November.
June and November.
Today is March 31st.
I know.
So then how many meetings do I have today?
93.
- You know what to do. - Right.
To me, this situation is a blood-soaked,
nightmarish hellscape.
However, to Leslie Knope...
How fun.
Why don't you take as many as you can and I'll cover the rest?
I have an idea.
Why don't I try to rustle up seven more meetings
'cause I think it would be cooler if there were an even 100.
Why don't we stick to these 93 and see how it goes.
This is the perfect distraction.
So I have everything I need.
I have a fresh cup of coffee, comfy, fur-lined boots.
I'll need them later.
Yeah, no problem. They're actually a little narrow for me.
Leslie, here's a guy.
Hi, I'm Leslie Knope, deputy director.
Bill Haggardy, Pawnee historical society.
I'm supposed to be meeting with Ron Swanson.
I understand that. He's tied up.
I've been trying to meet with him three months
and now he's not available.
It's probably too late now, but some rich woman, Jessica Wicks,
has rented out Turnbill mansion for a party
and she's making alterations.
"Alterations"?
Turnbill mansion is one of the most beloved historical sites in Pawnee.
In 1867, the progressive reverend Turnbill
officiated a wedding between a white woman
and a Wamapoke Indian chief.
The secret ceremony was beautiful and romantic.
But then word got out and the reception was a bloodbath.
Fortunately, there were two survivors.
Unfortunately, they were both horses.
Hold up. Former beauty queen Jessica Wicks?
Tom Haverford. I'm gonna be running point on this, Bill.
- Why didn't you try to stop her? - Her husband is Nick Newport, Sr.
From Sweetums. Everyone in this town is afraid to say no to him.
Everybody just relax.
What are the alterations?
Drilling holes. Painting. Removing wainscoting.
She's tearing down the gazebo.
What? She's what? No, she's not.
Okay, Tom, go get the car.
- Don't throw things at me. - These are tight.
I'll devise an action plan
to help us coordinate better.
Will you? Great. Thanks for coming in.
- Who's next? - Tom, I'll meet you at the car.
Where are you going? We have 91 more meetings.
Sorry. As much as I would like to go
for the all-time, city hall single day meetings record,
there is an emergency.
Someone is trying to alter a gazebo.
Sorry I can't hang out. I have an emergency.
I'm actually here to see Mark.
Right. Thanks for the coffee.
- That's also for Mark. - I really need it though.
But next time more sugar. Okay, thanks. Bye!
I postpone the rest?
Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.
I'm gonna do all of these today.
Round up whoever's free.
I'm gonna need more Ron Swansons.
Look at that. It's gorgeous.
What kind of monster would want to change this?
Pre-zit.
Do you have any brown concealer by any chance?
I need to look good for Jessica.
They may be rich, but they can't just destroy history.
- Let's go. - Right behind you.
I just need to spend a minute on my cologne cloud.
- What is that? - Attack by Dennis Feinstein.
When you want to attack the senses of the lady you want to bed.
Door! Door! Door! Door!
Close it.
So basically, we're completely swamped.
All hands on deck.
I don't even work here.
Don't care. I need anyone with a pulse and a brain to pitch in.
Do you need help with anything?
No. We're good. Thanks. In fact, you can head home early.
Right now the four of us are gonna divvy up all these meetings.
Make 'em feel like they've been heard.
- Understood? - Yes, sir.
Bert Macklin, FBI, on the case.
April, you take Leslie's office.
Andy, the conference room.
Ann, take your meetings in the courtyard.
Just sit there and don't ruin the city.
Dismissed.
What are you doing?
Can I get a badge?
Brought you coffee. Help you get through the day.
Thanks, dude.
No problem, lady.
- I'm gonna go. - Okay.
April is the best.
But she's 20.
When April was born, I was already in 3rd grade.
So if we were friends back then, I'd have been hanging out with a baby.
I don't know anything about infant care.
My God, I could've killed her.
Mr. Newport, sr.
I've just been informed that you plan on altering this mansion.
And as a member of the parks department,
as a Pawneean, and an American,
I ask you to refrain from harming this historic structure.
What?
- I'll take care of this, love nut. - Biscuit.
I'm Jessica Wicks. Miss Pawnee 1994.
We've met before. We were both judges at the pageant last year.
Leslie Knorp. Of course. How are you?
Jessica Wicks! Hey, boo.
Are you aging in reverse 'cause you look barely legal?
If you're not the most charming man in Indiana.
And this must be the luckiest man in Indiana.
Sir, it is an honor to meet you.
Come here, you.
Tell me straight.
Are you a Chinese?
I'm one of the Indian people.
That floppy old bag of money is gonna be dead in, like, a month.
And who's gonna comfort Jessica and her millions of dollars?
Yeah, Jessica's a gold digger, but I'm a gold digger digger.
So how did you and Mr. Newport meet?
Well, I was doing a ribbon cutting at the hospital.
And he was there because his blood doesn't work.
And we started talking.
And then I realized who he was.
Oh, my gosh. It was love at first sight.
That sounds so romantic.
I know you've rented out this house for a party,
but it's on the historical register so we can't allow any changes.
I'm so sorry.
It's a little late for that, sweetheart.
I told them what I was doing months ago.
Where I come from there's a saying
- "what's done is done". - That's a saying everywhere.
I've never heard it it's a great saying.
Maybe we can limit the damage. How much have you done?
You painted this?
Miami teal is Nicky's favorite color.
We also replaced some of the sconces,
got rid of the furniture, painted these floors black.
These were the original hardwood floors.
They were all scratched up. I did you a favor.
I'll show you what we did in the sitting room.
After you. I'd hate to miss the view.
You little devil. I should just pay you to follow me around.
If that's a job offer, I accept.
Why did you have to drill holes in the wall?
To hang my birthday present to Nicky.
My heavens.
Isn't there a way that you... Oh, my.
History is important.
You can't go around changing everything all the time
or else next thing you know they'll be painting the White House...
Not white.
I'm so angry, I can't think of another color.
Green.
So your department banned me from attending games
just because I yell "you suck" at the players.
According to the complaint, you yelled it at five-year-old girls.
Who suck!
Why is that so hard to understand?
I thought I was having this meeting with Ron Swanson.
I'm afraid that Ron Swanson's currently dead.
I'm his daughter. April Swanson.
And it's his last wish that I have this meeting with you.
I represent the ultimate Frisbee league.
Pawnee has an ultimate league?
Yes, and we keep running into conflicts...
You won me over.
I will join your team.
I'm sorry, what we need...
When does practice start? You provide the jerseys?
What color are the jerseys by the way? What's our team name?
Are we "the lightning"?
Now, I have to tell you, I don't work in the parks department.
- I'm a nurse. - Seriously?
That's great news. I have the weirdest thing on my arm.
Can you see?
Every time.
Well, thank God you haven't torn down the gazebo yet.
Don't remind me.
The demolition people couldn't get here until this afternoon.
I've had to look at that ugly thing all day long.
Ugly thing?
Let me tell you a little something about this ugly thing, ma'am.
150 years ago, an interracial couple
was married here and slaughtered by their own families.
It's one of the most beautiful stories in Pawnee's history.
- Why are you trying to destroy it? - Don't tell me about Pawnee history.
The Newports made this town.
And tonight, we're gonna celebrate my husband's 85th birthday
without this mushy, old, pile of rot.
Your husband's a mushy, old, pile of rot.
You were a stick in the mud when we judged that beauty pageant
you're being a stick in the mud now!
I am not a stick in the mud!
I just want to stop a party from happening.
I have a gazebo update so ignore all my previous voicemails and emails.
Leslie, I haven't relieved myself in five hours.
So if you'll excuse me.
I'm sorry, but this can't wait. Jessica Wicks refuses...
Leslie, what the?
Councilman Howser! Nice to see you again.
Not that I saw anything other than your face.
And I would like to talk to you about this gazebo thing.
- You know, the p... - Enough of this.
Do whatever you want. Alert the media. Call Fema.
I don't care. Do not bother me with this again.
- Miss Knope. - Councilman Howser.
I saw your penis.
There are eight swings at ramsett park
and every single one of them is broken.
Can you please just fix one of them?
Ron told me I can't say yes to anything.
But it's such a reasonable request,
I can't just say no.
So that's a "yes"?
Are you saying "yes"? Just say out loud "yes" or "no".
Yeah, they do look a little bit swollen.
Just follow the pen.
Follow the pen t...
Does that hurt?
This ordinance can't go through. Too much red tape.
- This gridlock drives me nuts. - Tell me about it.
You're gonna have to make an end run, you know?
Go right to the commissioner.
I hadn't thought of that. That is a really great idea.
I'm gonna do that.
Your last resort is probably gonna be city council.
- Good luck there. - Yeah, my thoughts exactly.
I have no idea what I was saying.
I ask you,
is this too revealing for a public pool?
Kindly get your groin off my desk.
So my body makes you uncomfortable too?
I'm kind of freaking out about this historical mansion thing.
- Can I talk to you? - I'm headed right out the door.
You're going on a date with Ann?
I was gonna surprise her. Take her to restaurant.
- Don't worry. Have a good time. - You sure?
- How we doing? - Pretty good.
I may have promised a new aquatic center to somebody.
Is that a problem?
I diagnosed two melanomas. They're both benign.
- How many more meetings? - 20.
April was supposed to be the moat
that kept the citizen barbarians
away from Swanson castle.
Instead, she blew up the castle and stabbed me in the face.
I hired you to do one thing.
Just one.
I don't care that you text all day
and sleep at your desk. In fact, I encourage it.
But only because you were doing that one thing...
Keeping this crap off my desk!
Give me five minutes before the next one.
That guy is scary when he's angry.
Yeah, God, I know.
Hey, sorry, dude.
I don't need your sympathy.
Or yours.
I wasn't offering my sympathy.
- Thank you for meeting me here. - Sure. What's up?
- I need you to get this word for word. - It's a tape recorder so it will.
Gazebo? More like "ga-zoinks-bo".
She may be a former beauty queen,
but today she's the king of destroying history.
Could you talk normally?
Okay, fine. Ga-zoinks-bo.
Jessica Wicks is throwing a party for her husband, Nick Newport, sr.,
- at the Turnbill mansion tonight. - I'm gonna stop you right there.
Nick Newport, Sr. Is the former CEO of Sweetums.
So?
Sweetums owns the Pawnee journal.
Crap on the cob.
I will take it into consideration.
Thank God!
- That was it, right? - No, there's one more.
Damn it to hell!
It's with me. And it's right now. And it's about me quitting.
I quit.
I have no other choice.
This is the only rational way I know to prevent this tragedy.
Here they come. Throw away the key!
- Seriously? - Yes, throw it!
- Out of the way! - Sir, sorry, but you're a little late.
You're gonna have to turn around 'cause you're not getting in here.
My God. Tom, stop him! Jump in front of it!
Sacrifice your tiny body!
I really thought that gate would open in the middle.
The gazebo has been destroyed.
And the thing that bothers me the most...
- Cut it out, Tom. - It never gets old!
Ann and Mark are coming!
Guys, not so close. You're gonna...
Don't go past the sensor!
Sensor.
- Sorry if I ruined your evening. - It's totally fine.
I chained myself.
- I can see that. - Are you okay?
Nothing's bruised but my ego
and my arm a little from the mechanized gate.
Thanks again for letting me take those meetings.
I've never really had a meeting before. They're awesome.
- You're welcome. - Have you seen April around?
She comes by at the end of the day.
You might want to check her house.
She quit on me.
What? Why?
She screwed up my entire life today.
That was one mistake. She's perfect for you.
There's no one in the world who's gonna do a better job for you.
Either you hire her back or I quit.
- You don't work for me. - And I never will, sir.
Good day.
So what'd you guys talk about at dinner?
Was it fun? Any big decisions arrived at?
- It was fine. - Do you need a ride home?
No, Tom's gonna take me. You guys go on ahead.
I'm glad you're okay. Call me.
Well, hello there. You must be Ron Swanson.
Welcome to castle Ludgate!
- Hello, Mr. Ludgate. - Call me Larry.
- Larry, who is it? - It's zuzu's boss.
Rita Ludgate.
You have no idea how nice it is to meet you.
Come in, for gosh sake. What can I get you to drink?
Could you take your shoes off, please?
Thank you so much.
Nothing to drink. Thanks.
Is April around?
Zuzu, you have a guest!
I'll fetch her. She's probably on the internet again.
I'll come with you.
You make yourself at home.
You must be April's sister.
I'm Ron.
Nice to meet you.
No offense, but I think the normal grieving time
for gazebo destruction has passed.
Well, maybe that's not entirely what I'm upset about.
Mark and Ann are gonna get married.
Really?
Why does that bother you? I should be the one that's upset.
It was supposed to be me and Ann, or me and Jessica,
or Ann and Jessica with me watching.
Every time a couple gets married, two single people die.
I'm about to lose two good friends.
Come on.
They drove over here and cut you down from a gate.
You don't have to worry about them abandoning you once you get married.
Yeah, I know that. In my brain.
- Can we go? - I just need to go do one more thing.
Loving smiles
And smiling tears
The midnight of my heart
- Is you - Okay, I'm sorry, everyone.
Excuse me. Excuse me. But I need to say something.
Is that gate lady?
I know you're probably thinking
"There's that crazy gate lady from outside back again."
And to some extent, you're right. I am the gate lady.
But the only thing I'm crazy about is leaving the past behind.
So I would like to apologize and raise a glass
to change, and forgiveness, and the future,
and Ann and Mark, and happiness,
and Nick Newport, Sr.
May all your future gazebos live long and prosper.
Please leave.
Is it weird if I ask to take a piece of cake with me?
- I won't. - Go.
Why are you here?
Come back to work.
Come back.
I want you to come back.
Well, I don't want to come back.
- The end. - I was talking to Andy about you.
And he made me realize that I need you back at work.
- What did he say? - Don't recall.
- Fine. I'll come back. - Good.
I'm leaving.
Bye, Zuzu.
Bye, Duke Silver.
My mom has all your albums.
I recognized you the day we met.
Have you told anyone?
Good girl.
Excuse me.
I had a meeting with Ron Swanson yesterday,
- but I have a little car trouble. - Sorry, he's busy right now.
- Well, can I reschedule? - Sure.
How about June 50th?
Do you think you could come back today at 2:65?
- He's available then. - What is going on?
The only other day he has open is march-tember one-teenth.
Does that work, sir?
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